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Life - Really, really stressful, again.
4 years ago
Hello, everypony!
Well, to start off, happy pride month, everybody! I love each and every one of you!
Now, just to get this off my chest since obviously talking to my friends on Discord about it isn't ever enough, things are once again really, really, difficult. My new roommates, the good ones, the ones I like and still like despite this have informed me I have about two months to get out of here, since every place I have applied to threw my application out.
I had an itch of an idea as to why at least one of them did, and it was set in stone yesterday when I went into the dollar store and got snacks, and the manager who had interviewed me looked happy, and then noticed me, gaining this look of pure disgust, hatefulness, and disdain. I had been nice to her at the interview, but I had a feeling she'd be one of this type of people when she brought up church and threatened to have me arrested if I ever stole (which, of course, she has me on camera never even attempting)
My relationship is, at this rate, looking pretty fucked on account of things I can't say. It wasn't a fight, or a breakup, but something that makes me far more disappointed in myself for not being able to go there to help.
I've realized just about everybody I've ever lived with has liked me until I ran out of money to give them then immediately turned on me, but I know that this next person I have helping me, one of my best friends I've had in my entire time online, won't be like that.
My company looks possible, but I'm not counting on it, since my roommates were supposed to take me to the craft store to get some materials I need, and instead of letting me know when they went by there, they ditched me.
I haven't been able to go food shopping since they haven't been wanting to take me, and I'm not going back to the dollar store after having that ironed into my mind.
And uh... yeah, my song is coming along, but my PC keeps randomly shutting down when I play any game at all, so I need to finish it and reinstall Windows, and every. Single. Program. (This might not sound that bad, but I have Cubase, which is about 30GB, and then about 200 other small programs and VST plugins I need to install) all of this on ~8mbps satellite networking.
All in all, this is just the tip of the iceberg, but most of it gets way too deep into my life.
I have decided that since my "stage name" is Crystal Oscillations, my company that I'll make the latex, vinyl, and eventually self-publish my music from, and, if I can get this down, sell synthesizer project kits under is "CrystalCraft Studios"
I'm also currently on day 201 of HRT, and I filled in my second diary since January of last year, it looks like the third one at this rate may be full in only a few months, versus my usual nine, so that might be different.
Thanks for reading, thanks for not getting mad about my venting, I just need to vent to people who will most likely never meet me sometimes to keep from having more panic attacks.
Now, just to get this off my chest since obviously talking to my friends on Discord about it isn't ever enough, things are once again really, really, difficult. My new roommates, the good ones, the ones I like and still like despite this have informed me I have about two months to get out of here, since every place I have applied to threw my application out.
I had an itch of an idea as to why at least one of them did, and it was set in stone yesterday when I went into the dollar store and got snacks, and the manager who had interviewed me looked happy, and then noticed me, gaining this look of pure disgust, hatefulness, and disdain. I had been nice to her at the interview, but I had a feeling she'd be one of this type of people when she brought up church and threatened to have me arrested if I ever stole (which, of course, she has me on camera never even attempting)
My relationship is, at this rate, looking pretty fucked on account of things I can't say. It wasn't a fight, or a breakup, but something that makes me far more disappointed in myself for not being able to go there to help.
I've realized just about everybody I've ever lived with has liked me until I ran out of money to give them then immediately turned on me, but I know that this next person I have helping me, one of my best friends I've had in my entire time online, won't be like that.
My company looks possible, but I'm not counting on it, since my roommates were supposed to take me to the craft store to get some materials I need, and instead of letting me know when they went by there, they ditched me.
I haven't been able to go food shopping since they haven't been wanting to take me, and I'm not going back to the dollar store after having that ironed into my mind.
And uh... yeah, my song is coming along, but my PC keeps randomly shutting down when I play any game at all, so I need to finish it and reinstall Windows, and every. Single. Program. (This might not sound that bad, but I have Cubase, which is about 30GB, and then about 200 other small programs and VST plugins I need to install) all of this on ~8mbps satellite networking.
All in all, this is just the tip of the iceberg, but most of it gets way too deep into my life.
I have decided that since my "stage name" is Crystal Oscillations, my company that I'll make the latex, vinyl, and eventually self-publish my music from, and, if I can get this down, sell synthesizer project kits under is "CrystalCraft Studios"
I'm also currently on day 201 of HRT, and I filled in my second diary since January of last year, it looks like the third one at this rate may be full in only a few months, versus my usual nine, so that might be different.
Thanks for reading, thanks for not getting mad about my venting, I just need to vent to people who will most likely never meet me sometimes to keep from having more panic attacks.
twinevr1
~twinevr1
It's always good to vent when you can, and I'm sorry things are taking a turn for the worse.
