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Transparency about my current mindset
4 years ago
General
I wanted to get some thoughts down regarding what's going on with me and my work.
A lot of you who follow me for my art have probably noticed that it's slowed to a trickle, with most of what I post being quick sketches rather than full, finished pieces. I looked back over the past couple months and it's rare for me to have more than one drawing per week, which is absolutely abysmal compared to my output in the past.
I've talked about this a lot before though, so just to summarize, I've been dealing with burnout for a while, and with the additional stress and depression of losing several family members, I find it harder and harder to even find joy in the process itself. It's gotten to the point where I pick up the pen, scribble on my canvas for a while just to get my arm warmed up, and get frustrated that I don't have any fun ideas anymore.
I blamed my commission practices for the trouble before, and I don't think that's wrong, but I also think it's just that I've forced myself for too long. Combined with depression making me used to not enjoying things, and I've just pushed myself much harder than is healthy. I need to find a sustainable pace again, and I need to find my creative voice again. And most importantly, I really need to enjoy things again.
For now, because I have a cushion of money from the stimulus payment, my commissions are on hold, and I only plan to draw when I have an idea that makes me excited. If I happen to complete any of my commissions in the meantime, it's either because there's a hard time limit, or because I felt inspired about it that day. I wish I could just save it all, not have to worry if I don't get much work done on a particular month, but I don't think that's possible without hurting myself even more. With any luck, I'll have healed a good amount by the time my money is dwindling and I'll still have a little left over for comfort.
Thank you to all of you who continue to support me, and who enjoy my art. I genuinely don't know where I'd be today without you, and I hope you'll continue to support me as I recover.
A lot of you who follow me for my art have probably noticed that it's slowed to a trickle, with most of what I post being quick sketches rather than full, finished pieces. I looked back over the past couple months and it's rare for me to have more than one drawing per week, which is absolutely abysmal compared to my output in the past.
I've talked about this a lot before though, so just to summarize, I've been dealing with burnout for a while, and with the additional stress and depression of losing several family members, I find it harder and harder to even find joy in the process itself. It's gotten to the point where I pick up the pen, scribble on my canvas for a while just to get my arm warmed up, and get frustrated that I don't have any fun ideas anymore.
I blamed my commission practices for the trouble before, and I don't think that's wrong, but I also think it's just that I've forced myself for too long. Combined with depression making me used to not enjoying things, and I've just pushed myself much harder than is healthy. I need to find a sustainable pace again, and I need to find my creative voice again. And most importantly, I really need to enjoy things again.
For now, because I have a cushion of money from the stimulus payment, my commissions are on hold, and I only plan to draw when I have an idea that makes me excited. If I happen to complete any of my commissions in the meantime, it's either because there's a hard time limit, or because I felt inspired about it that day. I wish I could just save it all, not have to worry if I don't get much work done on a particular month, but I don't think that's possible without hurting myself even more. With any luck, I'll have healed a good amount by the time my money is dwindling and I'll still have a little left over for comfort.
Thank you to all of you who continue to support me, and who enjoy my art. I genuinely don't know where I'd be today without you, and I hope you'll continue to support me as I recover.
Depression sucks. Burnout sucks. Trying to force yourself to get back into something you're supposed to enjoy isn't an easy feat. Just... take care of yourself.