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I've had an epiphany!
4 years ago
At least I think. (TL:DR at the bottom)
Okay so... First of all, if this IS in fact the case, please don't feel bad if you've ever... well... been a decent human towards me.
It's totally, 100% on me if this is the reason. So again. Don't blame yourself.
If you do I'll... um... I don't know. Just don't feel bad! Xp
This may be... confusing; because I'm not even sure I understand it, but I'm going off how I feel.
So little bit of back story first (will try and keep it short), that most of you may already know.
I've always been very eh... hesitant to open up to people about anything, for reasons I won't go into; but I will say I was the nerdy kid throughout my 12 years of public schools so... you know... bully problems.
Due to that, and other factors, I have pretty bad trust issues; "especially" when it comes to people openly asking to be friends, offering help and what have you; as that's how I usually got set up for... whatever people planned to do to me.
The point being, since covid happened, particularly since I had it; a lot of people here have been reaching out to me.
Please don't get me wrong here, I really do appreciate all the support all of you have given, and continue to give me... You're all genuinely awesome!
But I "think" (not 100% sure, again, going off my feeling) that may be why I keep vanishing here for so long; and why that got worse after the whole covid thing.
Was just going through comments, and I noticed that every time I read something along the lines of "I'm here if you need to talk"; my anxiety shot straight up.
Again, please don't feel bad if you've said something like that; because this is 100% my own issue.
I understand you all mean well, and I do honestly appreciate that you would be willing to listen; but past issues with people have made it hard to not get anxiety from that.
Really don't know how I didn't notice this before... I knew it was an issue that I had; but it didn't click until tonight, that it might be part of the reason I keep isolating myself.
So yeah! This was um... something to realize.
Not good at all. ^^;
The less I'm here, the more people are going to check up on me when I "am" here... and the less I'll be here, because anxiety about letting people get remotely close to me.
In short, I'm going to try to be on here more often again, as it's the only way to get out of the cycle I've put myself in.
(Assuming this was even the issue to begin with; but I'm fairly sure it's at least a good part of it. X/)
TL:DR : Shadowponi is insecure and finds it hard to trust people; and the more support he gets, the more his dumb butt gets anxious and the more he isolates himself.
... Most likely. :/
And he's going to try and work on that, so please don't worry yourselves with his annoying hang-up.
Okay so... First of all, if this IS in fact the case, please don't feel bad if you've ever... well... been a decent human towards me.
It's totally, 100% on me if this is the reason. So again. Don't blame yourself.
If you do I'll... um... I don't know. Just don't feel bad! Xp
This may be... confusing; because I'm not even sure I understand it, but I'm going off how I feel.
So little bit of back story first (will try and keep it short), that most of you may already know.
I've always been very eh... hesitant to open up to people about anything, for reasons I won't go into; but I will say I was the nerdy kid throughout my 12 years of public schools so... you know... bully problems.
Due to that, and other factors, I have pretty bad trust issues; "especially" when it comes to people openly asking to be friends, offering help and what have you; as that's how I usually got set up for... whatever people planned to do to me.
The point being, since covid happened, particularly since I had it; a lot of people here have been reaching out to me.
Please don't get me wrong here, I really do appreciate all the support all of you have given, and continue to give me... You're all genuinely awesome!
But I "think" (not 100% sure, again, going off my feeling) that may be why I keep vanishing here for so long; and why that got worse after the whole covid thing.
Was just going through comments, and I noticed that every time I read something along the lines of "I'm here if you need to talk"; my anxiety shot straight up.
Again, please don't feel bad if you've said something like that; because this is 100% my own issue.
I understand you all mean well, and I do honestly appreciate that you would be willing to listen; but past issues with people have made it hard to not get anxiety from that.
Really don't know how I didn't notice this before... I knew it was an issue that I had; but it didn't click until tonight, that it might be part of the reason I keep isolating myself.
So yeah! This was um... something to realize.
Not good at all. ^^;
The less I'm here, the more people are going to check up on me when I "am" here... and the less I'll be here, because anxiety about letting people get remotely close to me.
In short, I'm going to try to be on here more often again, as it's the only way to get out of the cycle I've put myself in.
(Assuming this was even the issue to begin with; but I'm fairly sure it's at least a good part of it. X/)
TL:DR : Shadowponi is insecure and finds it hard to trust people; and the more support he gets, the more his dumb butt gets anxious and the more he isolates himself.
... Most likely. :/
And he's going to try and work on that, so please don't worry yourselves with his annoying hang-up.
If you would like to help support me, see most of my work early, and have access to patreon only content; you can find me here:
Shadowponi's Patreon 
Anxiety or not though, I am still more than happy to talk with you in a completely judgement-free way.
And yeah, I wish I'd known sooner too; could have probably avoided... eh... avoided avoiding being here?
Literally just realized out of nowhere last night ^^;
I don't usually take up that offer, but thank you, still ^^
At least when it comes to the "I'm here if you need someone to talk to", you can always just not take them up on that offer! No need to be anxious and hide, because even if, god forbid, someone may actually have alterior intentions, you're still the one in control, because you are simply just politely declining the offer to talk to someone about those things. :3 Nobody is even gonna notice if you don't talk to them when they say that! So no worries there either.
But I totally understand it, and I hope the best for you! C:
Old habits die hard, though; so I'll need to work through that ^^;
And thank you ^^
Thank you, also ^^
(Oh and unrelated; your furret is adorable X3)
And thank you for the unrelated note~
And yep~
And thank you; but I think I need to deal with this issue on my own, considering being offered help is the reason for the anxiety ^^;;
I'm sure I can work through it fine, now that I've realized the issue, though~ It'll probably just take a bit
Just past issues that I need to work through ^^;
But at least I now know what (at least part of) my problem is, so it shouldn't be too difficult~
And thank you for that ^^
feel free to dms us or talk with me in dis you know im gonna be always open my arms to you <3
This problem I'm going to need to work on myself, I think; but thank you, still ^^
This time, though; I do think I need to work on it myself. But at least I know (at least part of) what the problem is now~
But glad you're working on it, too ^^
Hope it works out for you!
I’m glad you’re trying to work out this epiphany, and it’s really sweet of you to assure us that we aren’t to blame. I hope everything ends well all in all for you, just don’t do anything too crazy, you goof. ^^
And yeah, being "too" open can cause its own issues, sadly..
But yep~
Don't worry, the craziest thing I can do in this situation is ignore/address my anxiety until it goes away X3;
plus talking with you is always a treat!Just make sure that you’re still the cute chubby boi we all know and love. <3And don't worry, I know what you mean ^^;
And thanks again X3
Though I do still want to try and get to know ya, I don't want you to be feeling more and more anxious! Hopefully this sorta discovery helps you get more comfortable with all the support!
And thank you; now that I know the issue, or at least, what I believe is the issue, I can work through it without probably too much trouble~
Sorry you have to deal with it too, though X/
And thank you; I understand the reasoning there; but even in person I generally just... kind of sit here listening to people, rather than talking myself ^^;;
...my tummy is quite soft to lean into~ ^v^
I appreciate it, but I need to take care of this particular issue myself; shouldn't be too hard now that I'm aware of it, though~
If it's an option for you, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist.
And I appreciate it, thank you ^^
I actually have tried therapy before (not for this issue, however); but it didn't really... do anything. I don't think, at least...
Don't worry though~ Now that I know the issue, it shouldn't be too difficult to get past ^^
And yeah, you make a good point; lot of seemingly innocuous things to one person, can do a lot to another (just in general; not bullying alone) X/
But same; now that I've noticed I can actually go about fixing (or at least mitigating) it ^^
And thank you~