this morning at around 11:10 am, we had to put our cat sasha to sleep. she's 14 and lived a long life, but her health's been declining slowly and on tuesday, she all but stopped getting up to walk around all together. she was such a strong willed cat, and although she was determined not to let that stop her, this morning she took a sharp downturn.

i won't go over the details, but we couldn't stand to see her suffer. i got to say goodbye, but i wasn't able to be there with her when she crossed over. i understand why, i just wished i could have been there for her more.

she's the best cat i've ever known, and my best friend. ever since i moved in with my current roommates (technically shes their cat) she's been attached to me at the hip. or rather at the shoulder. or chest. she'd climb up on me while i'm on the computer and purr and purr so loud. of course she'd use her claws to stay put (even with me holding her tight) but i am kind of sad that my shoulders/back/arms won't be scratched all up in claw marks

its... hard now. that shes gone. it hasnt even been a full 12 hours but my heart already aches so much. i won't forget how she pushed her face into my hands on the drive to the animal shelter, trying to get as much comfort as she could.

i know she wouldn't want me to be sad, and i'm trying not to be. for her sake. i have so many good memories because of her and she was there in some really low moments. i thanked her so much for everything shes given me, all the strength and memories. she's the best cat i've ever known, while also being an expert at causing as much trouble as possible. she had such a strong, commanding personality.

i might not be around as much over the next few days, who knows. i just want to get things off my chest.