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Well, life is still shit and not getting better
4 years ago
Hello, everypony!
I'm being shipped back to my birth-state now. I'm going to be 20 minutes away from my mother, the person who hurt me most ever, and my brother I guarantee will tell her where I am and then I'll get her coming after me or my stepfather coming after me with his gun for being trans.
Don't be surprised if I vanish for good. I'm terrified, but there's nothing anyone can do. I think that this is the last chapter in my life, though. I sure hope so.
Not sure if this is goodbye forever or just a few days, but either way, bye.
If you know me in person, no, I don't blame you if things go wrong, it's not your fault my life keeps falling apart. It's my own fucking fault that I decided to trust the wrong people for two years straight, it's my fault I trusted rapists and got assaulted, it's my fault I had guns pointed at my head, it's my fault I'm going to be back in the state I was born in. If I had used my brain instead of wanting to be a fucking disney princess, maybe I would have done something right for once.
Anyways, bye. I don't care if you comment here, I suggest you report me for this one so you can get my profile deleted. I don't need it anymore, anyways. Stay safe, people, you're all the ones that actually matter.
Don't be surprised if I vanish for good. I'm terrified, but there's nothing anyone can do. I think that this is the last chapter in my life, though. I sure hope so.
Not sure if this is goodbye forever or just a few days, but either way, bye.
If you know me in person, no, I don't blame you if things go wrong, it's not your fault my life keeps falling apart. It's my own fucking fault that I decided to trust the wrong people for two years straight, it's my fault I trusted rapists and got assaulted, it's my fault I had guns pointed at my head, it's my fault I'm going to be back in the state I was born in. If I had used my brain instead of wanting to be a fucking disney princess, maybe I would have done something right for once.
Anyways, bye. I don't care if you comment here, I suggest you report me for this one so you can get my profile deleted. I don't need it anymore, anyways. Stay safe, people, you're all the ones that actually matter.
I hope this isn't the end, but if it is, know that the people that actually matter (as referred to in the last line) will definitely miss you. :(
Personally I would hope that lady luck smiles upon you and something ends up going right though... Nobody deserves to go through all that shit.
I'm more afraid that my mother is going to find me. She's... Let's just say I tried to put a thousand miles between us and still felt unsafe. Now there will only be about 30-40.
More likely than not I won't hurt myself, but I won't be surprised if I wind up in a mental ward for a week or two. I know I could really use it. I just haven't been anywhere long enough to make use of medicaid to get mental health help.
Second issue - Due to all of my years of not being allowed to have problems, I have a limited ability to physically talk to people about my problems. I have an anxiety attack over it and start preparing for my mother to come around and dislocate my jaw again, even though I know she's not there.
I might have to be blindfolded for therapy TBH.
Side note: I've had my fair share of psychological issues, you might want to look into counseling with a psychologist. There's a difference. In my experience, psychiatrists have much, if not all the same qualifications - but they often fall victim to their ability to prescribe medications. A psychologist might be less complacent, so instead of getting lithium and calling it a day (overdramatization but you get my point) you might get someone who is invested in actually tackling your issues on a personal level with you. It for sure helped me, and I've never been prescribed meds.
... It might be worth a shot.
Feel hugged