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Where I'm at mentally lately
4 years ago
Black and white and morally grey all over.
Figured it's been a while and probably doesn't hurt to just kind of touch base and write a lil more than the occasional tweet.
I haven't really been doing great lately. A lot of ups and down so my mood has been kind of bouncing a lot.
Writing much of anything has been kind of a struggle, which has just been beyond frustrating.
2020 in general was just such a massive shit show as a cherry on top to the last few years. This year is better in some very fundamental ways but there's still just a lot to stress about.
Pandemic is obviously still ongoing. I'm fully vaccinated, so I'm at least less worried for my personal safety. Some close family are still hesitant, and I'm not very good at persuasion. So that's certainly been a bit of a stressor, particularly when they go do anything publicly (and our area isn't the -best- on vaccination rate, so it's only a matter of time for delta to spread here, we're still getting local cases and the public has pretty much quit masking except workers and like, maybe 1 out of every 10 people) Dad has had some medical issues, we have an operation date set for next month so, fingers crossed. it's a serious operation but for the most part, his condition is okay and he's been trudging along, getting tests done and generally following the doctors orders.
Grandma has been generally doing better since she changed apartments, but she's getting a lil more confused lately, so that's been a concern.
The family in general has been getting on my nerves a bit. Just don't really feel like my thoughts or opinions are really respected. Some days I just feel like a wallet that occasional picks up after them. It's frustrating. Moving out isn't much of an option since I want to stay here for my job, but it's definitely something I've considered.
I still miss my dog. I know it's going to be a while before that pain really goes away, I mean, I walk past the spot he passed away on any time I go through the house. Our other dog seems to be adapting okay, she hasn't really exhibited much change in behavior (I was concerned she wasn't eating her kibble, but that changed the last couple days). She has been spending more time with me though, when normally she'd mostly stay out in the living room. Now she likes sitting in my doorway or coming in and curling up near my bed, like Gizmo used to. She even seems more welcoming to being picked up (she was always skittish previously. She still is, but she seems more comfortable being held). But yeah. Still adapting to just having one dog.
Since the start of June I've been back at the office. It, surprisingly, has been the least stressful thing. The majority of my coworkers have been vaccinated and my office is well away from the public. I've been able to take long walks regularly, it's about a half mile between the parking lot and my office, so I've been regularly taking a morning walk out to my car and back, takes about 10-15 minutes, it's nice and easy and I don't have to deal with anyone. Plus walking there going in, going home, and another full trip for lunch. I think I'm starting to lose weight from it again, so that's been a definite positive, and as chaotic as work is it's still a kind of chaos I thrive in, so overall it's been very positive being back at my office.
Socially, been trying to keep in touch with friends. Lot of folks still dealing with.. a lot of things. So that's always a bit of a juggling act. I am happy to say that for the most part, my friend circle managed to get through the last year, which in itself is an accomplishment. Though since last year there are some folks I've just felt a distance with and while I've tried to keep in touch, I get kind of a cold shoulder feeling. It just makes me wonder if it was something I did that drove them off. Hard to say, everyone is different and some people change and just.. grow apart. But it's always disappointing when I lose someone, particularly if I've known them a while. Everything changes eventually I suppose, not that that's a very satisfying answer but it's the only one I have and losing someone is never easy. Just how things go though and thankful for the friends I do still have.
Still playing games. I've mostly been enjoying the latest Warcraft expansion. it's not perfect, but I've been having more fun with it than I did Battle for Azeroth, looking forward to where it goes (and hoping it's not getting cut short ala Warlords. We'll see!) I unsubbed from FF14 around January or so I think? It's not a bad game, but it's just not for me. I really don't like the setting or story and the endgame is similar to WoW but... just a lot of little differences that put me off and honestly I just don't have the time or inclination to juggle 2 MMOs. WoW is hitting all the right itches for me, I like the setting, I like the classes, I have fun being a filthy casual. I might poke my head back in sometime, maybe for the next expansion, but I dunno, there's a lot of things about 14 I just don't like or have issues with (That isn't to say it's a bad game, if you enjoy it, more power to you, I have plenty of friends still into it or getting into it, if you think you're interested, give it a whirl! just understand it's a... slow burn, til it gets to the better parts). Also picked up some games off steam. Backbone has been really gorgeous, some absolutely fantastic furry work, still early into it though and the story has been kinda interesting, looking forward to where it goes. Jumped into the remastered Saga Frontier, which is really well done, though definitely reminded me of a lot of issues with the game (difficulty spikes, problems farming money properly, sometimes just very unclear on what to do)
Sleep has been kind of mixed. Between the heat, the weather, and then some sinuses issues, I've been kinda zombie-ish some days. Getting better at least, but still not fun.
All of which just adds up to some serious writer's block. I sit and stare at the page. I have ideas. But I just can't seem to push myself to start, I just end up distracting myself with a game or scrolling twitter feeds for news. It's been deeply frustrating. Gonna keep trying but at the moment I just feel kind of dead in the water. Still commissioning stuff here and there so, that's something at least (and I'm very fortunate to the wonderful artists I get to work with)
Anyway that's more or less what's been going on lately. I'm trying. Getting by at least and I'm hopeful things are improving, just maybe not quite the pace I wanted or enough to really relieve a lot of the stress. Hope you're all taking care of yourselves.
I haven't really been doing great lately. A lot of ups and down so my mood has been kind of bouncing a lot.
Writing much of anything has been kind of a struggle, which has just been beyond frustrating.
2020 in general was just such a massive shit show as a cherry on top to the last few years. This year is better in some very fundamental ways but there's still just a lot to stress about.
Pandemic is obviously still ongoing. I'm fully vaccinated, so I'm at least less worried for my personal safety. Some close family are still hesitant, and I'm not very good at persuasion. So that's certainly been a bit of a stressor, particularly when they go do anything publicly (and our area isn't the -best- on vaccination rate, so it's only a matter of time for delta to spread here, we're still getting local cases and the public has pretty much quit masking except workers and like, maybe 1 out of every 10 people) Dad has had some medical issues, we have an operation date set for next month so, fingers crossed. it's a serious operation but for the most part, his condition is okay and he's been trudging along, getting tests done and generally following the doctors orders.
Grandma has been generally doing better since she changed apartments, but she's getting a lil more confused lately, so that's been a concern.
The family in general has been getting on my nerves a bit. Just don't really feel like my thoughts or opinions are really respected. Some days I just feel like a wallet that occasional picks up after them. It's frustrating. Moving out isn't much of an option since I want to stay here for my job, but it's definitely something I've considered.
I still miss my dog. I know it's going to be a while before that pain really goes away, I mean, I walk past the spot he passed away on any time I go through the house. Our other dog seems to be adapting okay, she hasn't really exhibited much change in behavior (I was concerned she wasn't eating her kibble, but that changed the last couple days). She has been spending more time with me though, when normally she'd mostly stay out in the living room. Now she likes sitting in my doorway or coming in and curling up near my bed, like Gizmo used to. She even seems more welcoming to being picked up (she was always skittish previously. She still is, but she seems more comfortable being held). But yeah. Still adapting to just having one dog.
Since the start of June I've been back at the office. It, surprisingly, has been the least stressful thing. The majority of my coworkers have been vaccinated and my office is well away from the public. I've been able to take long walks regularly, it's about a half mile between the parking lot and my office, so I've been regularly taking a morning walk out to my car and back, takes about 10-15 minutes, it's nice and easy and I don't have to deal with anyone. Plus walking there going in, going home, and another full trip for lunch. I think I'm starting to lose weight from it again, so that's been a definite positive, and as chaotic as work is it's still a kind of chaos I thrive in, so overall it's been very positive being back at my office.
Socially, been trying to keep in touch with friends. Lot of folks still dealing with.. a lot of things. So that's always a bit of a juggling act. I am happy to say that for the most part, my friend circle managed to get through the last year, which in itself is an accomplishment. Though since last year there are some folks I've just felt a distance with and while I've tried to keep in touch, I get kind of a cold shoulder feeling. It just makes me wonder if it was something I did that drove them off. Hard to say, everyone is different and some people change and just.. grow apart. But it's always disappointing when I lose someone, particularly if I've known them a while. Everything changes eventually I suppose, not that that's a very satisfying answer but it's the only one I have and losing someone is never easy. Just how things go though and thankful for the friends I do still have.
Still playing games. I've mostly been enjoying the latest Warcraft expansion. it's not perfect, but I've been having more fun with it than I did Battle for Azeroth, looking forward to where it goes (and hoping it's not getting cut short ala Warlords. We'll see!) I unsubbed from FF14 around January or so I think? It's not a bad game, but it's just not for me. I really don't like the setting or story and the endgame is similar to WoW but... just a lot of little differences that put me off and honestly I just don't have the time or inclination to juggle 2 MMOs. WoW is hitting all the right itches for me, I like the setting, I like the classes, I have fun being a filthy casual. I might poke my head back in sometime, maybe for the next expansion, but I dunno, there's a lot of things about 14 I just don't like or have issues with (That isn't to say it's a bad game, if you enjoy it, more power to you, I have plenty of friends still into it or getting into it, if you think you're interested, give it a whirl! just understand it's a... slow burn, til it gets to the better parts). Also picked up some games off steam. Backbone has been really gorgeous, some absolutely fantastic furry work, still early into it though and the story has been kinda interesting, looking forward to where it goes. Jumped into the remastered Saga Frontier, which is really well done, though definitely reminded me of a lot of issues with the game (difficulty spikes, problems farming money properly, sometimes just very unclear on what to do)
Sleep has been kind of mixed. Between the heat, the weather, and then some sinuses issues, I've been kinda zombie-ish some days. Getting better at least, but still not fun.
All of which just adds up to some serious writer's block. I sit and stare at the page. I have ideas. But I just can't seem to push myself to start, I just end up distracting myself with a game or scrolling twitter feeds for news. It's been deeply frustrating. Gonna keep trying but at the moment I just feel kind of dead in the water. Still commissioning stuff here and there so, that's something at least (and I'm very fortunate to the wonderful artists I get to work with)
Anyway that's more or less what's been going on lately. I'm trying. Getting by at least and I'm hopeful things are improving, just maybe not quite the pace I wanted or enough to really relieve a lot of the stress. Hope you're all taking care of yourselves.
roochak
~roochak
If life feels more like managing a slow motion catastrophe than actual living, you're not alone. And if you feel like simultaneously giving up and stubbornly pressing on, well, a lot of us are doing that, too.
Tredain
~tredain
OP
Thank ya
KD142000
~kd142000
I hope things improve for you. Only just watched you, so I don't know the full story with everything that's been going on.
Tredain
~tredain
OP
Thank ya
