moving away from my old stomping grounds to new one been huge adjustment..... current county living is tend be more poor and not so smart part of state.
I got profiled by some dumb lady than had some random dude come up and yell at me saying i did something when i didn't do anything while at cashiers stop after payed for my stuff..
shit sacred living shit out of me and i ran out just get away from crazy dude... than just went in differt store to lose them if followed ... did same on way home try make sure none followed me.
first real bad experience i had in area... now just on edge all time now before wasn't ....i'm terrified inside now but force my self to go out once a day by my self...
These area.... so backwards when comes to being friendly...... i your friendly the think your some monster first things jumps in people minds here..
can't being friendly just hurts my very being mind and soul.....
i only move here be closer to my sister and other reason...
i feel more alone now after all that crap happen.... i broke down few times in just siting on floor crying till can't cry any more first week after that happen i did that.
i still feel aftermath of that problem happen... just made more fearful all over again of world...
i'll be 40 next year.... but still feel like lost kid crying all time at all things make me fearful...
i have alot mental pain from child hood to adult hood.... honestly i hate outside world and inside world of my family life...
it only make feel scared,sad and plain tried of pain.
*curls up in ball*
one thing my life keep pushing me away from anything dealing with sea life.....
if was orca just curl up in ball and sink just get away from outside world.
.........hate world outside my home.... all just dose is hurt me and keep me scared.