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The Way I Am
4 years ago
General
This is more on the serious side, so sorry if it bothers some, but.. The way I am is that.. I am very sensitive towards people and can mentally shut down from even the slightest of hints of anger or negativity since I am so used to being treated like absolute trash by people, I spent years and years of my life absolutely alone because no one wanted to be around me and when I did actually manage to make friends, most didn't stick around for long.
When I became a fur (around the age of 9) I still struggled a lot to have any sort of relationship as I'd be told countless times that I am annoying or bothersome and that I should shut up. I didn't have a real friend until I was 15 or 16 when I met Butlerdog13 and @MrMidknight, both of them treated me with lots of care and kindness even though I was and am a broken mess.
I still feel bad for all the times I asked them to draw me stuff back then even though both of them really don't mind. They're my oldest friends if you don't count my highschool friend who keeps popping in and out of my life at random times.
The friends I made around that time did eventually help me be more open and outgoing, which eventually got me to open up about my past. Which I'll summarize the best i can but... basically, my family was heavily abusive towards me, both physically and mentally, they were like super strict, would ground me over the smallest and I mean smallest mistakes by taking away everything that I owned for several months. My family would also drill it into my head that I am "useless", "worthless", "retarded" and a "sociopath", which.. the thing is that, all I know is that I am just emotionally and socially inept. I honestly believed I was a sociopath until well, a year or two after meeting Butlerdog13 and MrMidknight
Either way, my family sucked total ass and not only that, but I was groomed when I was a teen and they blamed me for it, calling me a perverted creep over it. Which, yeah, my family likes blaming me for anything that goes wrong in their life, from someone simply forgetting to flush the toilet to.. their meds and money going missing which eventually gave me the mindset that I should just blame myself for anything that goes wrong. When I met Demir is when it was at it's worst too, but Demir slowly made my life better and better, eventually getting me out of that shitty situation. Which, sadly, my family tracked me down and tried to convince his mum to kick me out by gaslighting me, basically saying that I am a: "Liar", a "Thief", a "Drug addict" and an "Abuser". I am none of these things. His mum gave me the benefit of a doubt and let me stay, which now, she does fully believe me.
I am still recovering from the amount of abuse and neglect I went through, but yeah..I am a nervous wreck, I tend to talk a lot, but I don't mean to annoy, I, apparently, overuse emoticons and I, apparently, act childish. And like.. I'd just say, I am just some anxious wreck that suffers from many things, I know I am not perfect but I'd just ask that you be patient with me.
When I became a fur (around the age of 9) I still struggled a lot to have any sort of relationship as I'd be told countless times that I am annoying or bothersome and that I should shut up. I didn't have a real friend until I was 15 or 16 when I met Butlerdog13 and @MrMidknight, both of them treated me with lots of care and kindness even though I was and am a broken mess.
I still feel bad for all the times I asked them to draw me stuff back then even though both of them really don't mind. They're my oldest friends if you don't count my highschool friend who keeps popping in and out of my life at random times.
The friends I made around that time did eventually help me be more open and outgoing, which eventually got me to open up about my past. Which I'll summarize the best i can but... basically, my family was heavily abusive towards me, both physically and mentally, they were like super strict, would ground me over the smallest and I mean smallest mistakes by taking away everything that I owned for several months. My family would also drill it into my head that I am "useless", "worthless", "retarded" and a "sociopath", which.. the thing is that, all I know is that I am just emotionally and socially inept. I honestly believed I was a sociopath until well, a year or two after meeting Butlerdog13 and MrMidknight
Either way, my family sucked total ass and not only that, but I was groomed when I was a teen and they blamed me for it, calling me a perverted creep over it. Which, yeah, my family likes blaming me for anything that goes wrong in their life, from someone simply forgetting to flush the toilet to.. their meds and money going missing which eventually gave me the mindset that I should just blame myself for anything that goes wrong. When I met Demir is when it was at it's worst too, but Demir slowly made my life better and better, eventually getting me out of that shitty situation. Which, sadly, my family tracked me down and tried to convince his mum to kick me out by gaslighting me, basically saying that I am a: "Liar", a "Thief", a "Drug addict" and an "Abuser". I am none of these things. His mum gave me the benefit of a doubt and let me stay, which now, she does fully believe me.
I am still recovering from the amount of abuse and neglect I went through, but yeah..I am a nervous wreck, I tend to talk a lot, but I don't mean to annoy, I, apparently, overuse emoticons and I, apparently, act childish. And like.. I'd just say, I am just some anxious wreck that suffers from many things, I know I am not perfect but I'd just ask that you be patient with me.
