I decided to change my fursona again.. not that I didn't love being a Scottish collie, it just felt like the right time to change to something that feels much more in tune with my own nature. I'm a total sucker for animal totemism, and my first fursona, the ram, was strongly based on this concept along with the strong connection to things that had occured in my life (I wrote an older journal entry that explained this whole thing, if whoever reads this is interested) but in this case, I found that the representation of the hare is much more fitting to the way I've been feeling both through introspection of my own nature, and to the events and things occurring in the world around me. I've long struggled with the feeling of indifference toward the broader culture of this society.. I quite literally grew up in isolation from the majority of humanity and spent much of my time wondering around and playing out in the open wilderness, where most of the time the only company I kept was with the critters of the desert. One such critter that was always constant in this part of my life were the hares, jack-rabbits, and cottontails.. the hares fascinated me in the sense that although they were a prey species, they were quite agile, quiet, quick, and extremely cleaver. I've seen them be chased by both coyotes and foxes and use incredibly smart tactics to outwit their chasers. These were the true survivalists.

One particular internal conflict I face consistently is the romanticizing of the wilderness of my youth where I never had to worry or feel antagonized by the delusional angst of general human stupidity.. oh how this culture has saturated itself in such dense hypocrisy and narrow minded spirits that fail to see the repetition of self defeating principles and how these mindsets have damn near destroyed everything it has touched.. I seem to digress into this rant every time I begin to contemplate it. For now I am stuck in this station where I have no choice but to deal with it... the day will come perhaps when I will either have the chance, or rather have no choice but to abandon being in this mess of a society.

It may seem like this is a long jump from one subject to another; although it seems unrelated on the surface, this feeling is what strongly influenced my decision to become a hare. I can see how many might see this as a radically unimportant way to cope with the world, but It feels now in my real life that I'm on constant alert to the changes my environment has so quickly undergone in such little time; I feel this need to be ready to quickly change my circumstances at a moments notice and be ready to deal with whatever happens whether its benign or severe... much like a hare in the desert who smells or hears the presence of a coyote lingering in the sagebrush nearby. While I say that the issues presented in current affairs weren't unpredictable (at least to me anyway), the world has become just scary and unbalanced enough that the real dangers of the future are not quite as easy to anticipate, so in this I feel as though I need to become the hare...