FA+
Shop
Slow personal improvments
4 years ago
Rawrrrloo! wanted to make something a lill more positive here, also a smidge of a life update as well while I am at it
Its been a weird a bumpy road finding myself as a gay person, I know in this day and age that may not sound like much, but for myself, I always knew I was pretty gay but tended to struggle with feeling okay expressing that. It was always a secret I kept tight to my chest even if it was a poorly kept secret. This year I managed to come out to two separate coworkers both of which were pretty accepting and in the best way possible, it changed nothing about how we talked or interacted. Its helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin, able to just be myself. I always had a hard time wearing any of my gay at the surface and this marks a big step in just owning myself.
On a similar note, I've finally been able to accept myself for who I am physically. one downside the LGBT community had in various areas was this feeling/ pressure of perfectionism and being all-in, look the part, sound the part, be the part. For younger gay guys it was always the emphasis on being thin, hairless, cute. Pretty much that ol chestnut of being the ideal gay boy. For me I had maybe a few years around my time in high-school where I had a shot at being that, but genetics laughed at that idea. In the last year I gave up the battle with trying to shave so much or feel awful about myself cause I am a little over weight, in turn I actually got a lot of support from friends and now I feel pretty good with aspects of how I look, if life dealt me the fuzzy gay guy hand, I may as well play it and enjoy it, god knows a lot of guys I talk to like guys like that so honestly, yay for male body positivity! If dragon daddy is the cards I got dealt, then lets play!
But, I have to say the biggest and also hardest change of all has been my social nature. I struggled hard for so... so long, clinging to identities I had built up feeling it was helping me. Just getting stuck in this weird spot of trying to be more tough and outgoing than I actually was and when that house of cards came down, it wiped out nearly everything I had going in my life. I bounced around a lot between social groups and friends at this point, but always felt just worthless and not really liked, just there out of pity. BUT not being all depressive here, been slowly turning this around, working on talking and genuinely expressing myself more, also giving people chances and reaching out more instead of just hiding in my shell feeling wronged and afraid of people, Its been very slow but I have been feeling more connected to others and more of my own person again who has his own merits and value.
For now its just a matter of keep moving towards that goal of being a more healthy person at what ever pace works best <3
Everything is still very much a work in progress, but like I say, its all about those net gains! <3
Its been a weird a bumpy road finding myself as a gay person, I know in this day and age that may not sound like much, but for myself, I always knew I was pretty gay but tended to struggle with feeling okay expressing that. It was always a secret I kept tight to my chest even if it was a poorly kept secret. This year I managed to come out to two separate coworkers both of which were pretty accepting and in the best way possible, it changed nothing about how we talked or interacted. Its helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin, able to just be myself. I always had a hard time wearing any of my gay at the surface and this marks a big step in just owning myself.
On a similar note, I've finally been able to accept myself for who I am physically. one downside the LGBT community had in various areas was this feeling/ pressure of perfectionism and being all-in, look the part, sound the part, be the part. For younger gay guys it was always the emphasis on being thin, hairless, cute. Pretty much that ol chestnut of being the ideal gay boy. For me I had maybe a few years around my time in high-school where I had a shot at being that, but genetics laughed at that idea. In the last year I gave up the battle with trying to shave so much or feel awful about myself cause I am a little over weight, in turn I actually got a lot of support from friends and now I feel pretty good with aspects of how I look, if life dealt me the fuzzy gay guy hand, I may as well play it and enjoy it, god knows a lot of guys I talk to like guys like that so honestly, yay for male body positivity! If dragon daddy is the cards I got dealt, then lets play!
But, I have to say the biggest and also hardest change of all has been my social nature. I struggled hard for so... so long, clinging to identities I had built up feeling it was helping me. Just getting stuck in this weird spot of trying to be more tough and outgoing than I actually was and when that house of cards came down, it wiped out nearly everything I had going in my life. I bounced around a lot between social groups and friends at this point, but always felt just worthless and not really liked, just there out of pity. BUT not being all depressive here, been slowly turning this around, working on talking and genuinely expressing myself more, also giving people chances and reaching out more instead of just hiding in my shell feeling wronged and afraid of people, Its been very slow but I have been feeling more connected to others and more of my own person again who has his own merits and value.
For now its just a matter of keep moving towards that goal of being a more healthy person at what ever pace works best <3
Everything is still very much a work in progress, but like I say, its all about those net gains! <3
Online I'm openly gay/into bondage/a big perv so much so it sometimes became my cliche thing in some circles. (until those people moved on and those circles split up). IRL I just pretend to be "normal", straight, christian, because, it just makes everything smoother.
It was a big surprise when I tried, as an experiment, being just who I am, saying what I really think, online, and, I wasn't trolled. People like you actually liked the real me. Experience IRL had always taught me that, what I really think or would really like to say, is offensive and nobody is interested in it. Family and friends DO give me support, but that is what I get in exchange for it. TBH it may actually be easier to talk as you really are to complete strangers, the people you meet today, because they have no past expectation of what you're "supposed" to be like.
So, yeah, just try, even if it's with certain people, talking as yourself. You might be surprised.