I don’t exactly have a lot of people who would see this sort of thing, but I’ll post it anyway.

My Mom passed away on the 4th. She’d been sick for almost two weeks with what we figured was a stomach flu, but it left her so weak… I’m still not entirely sure what her cause of death was, I’m still waiting on that. I found her in bed and prayed she wasn’t…

She was my best friend (aside from you Felice), someone I could talk to over just about anything, and one of the smartest and kindest women I’ve ever met even IF she’d try to say she was a mean bitch. She could be though, but she loved helping people out if they needed it. She’d had a long and very painful life, both mentally and physically, and losing my Dad to suicide was something she blamed herself for. She worried so much about me, even the night before….

I miss her so much, and I hate knowing I have to live the rest of my life without her. I knew I’d lose her at some point, but right now, 5 years after my Dad… finding her dead like that was my worst fear come true.

Even so, I know she isn’t in pain anymore (physical anyway, I know she’s more then just a little upset I got left behind like this), and spiritually I know she and my Dad are still around (even that day I felt her hug me, so I know she’s still here). That doesn’t take away the pain and the fear, but it makes it just a little bearable.

I love you Mom. I love you Dad. I’m still so mad at you two, but I love you so very much and all I ask is you look out for me and show me you’re here however and whenever you can. I hope you two are proud of how I’m holding on, and I hope you’ll continue to be proud of me until I see you again.