It’s been two weeks and it feels like it’s been only a few days. During the day sucks, but mostly because the people I do interact with are easier to reach at night my time (which is perfectly fine). Family has been… well, “sending you hugs” isn’t the same as receiving them, which I desperately need.

I had a dream I died. I felt my heart slow to a stop, and admittedly it was an oddly pleasant dream. It’s just because of the stress, and the fucking heartache, so I still don’t plan on going anywhere. I just wish the family I had nearby would give me a fucking call or FaceTime once in a while instead of just… nothing.

I’m incredibly grateful for the ones who HAVE stepped up to help, and you’ll never know just how much you’re helping me.

I know eventually the pain will begin to fade, and that I’ll be able to be really happy again. But that isn’t gonna be for a bit. As my aunt put it, my Mom was my world and I was hers. My world is gone now, and while everyone says I’m being strong, it just feels like I’m existing. Which is fine, I know, especially now.

… I’m just very confused and lost right now. I’ll get there, but it’s all so much.