FA+
Shop
Personal realization, not sure what to call it.
4 years ago
General
Possible TMI here, but I would like some help.
Okay, so... what you're about to read is something that has been weighing on my mind for some time now, but, after talking with my housemate/brother Steve about it, I feel confident enough to actually say something about it.
For the last few months, I've been thinking a lot about a certain aspect of my life. Namely my sexual orientation. I am gay. I know that, and I fully believe that. Have been for many years now. The issue lies in the fact that, in recent months, I've come to realize that, although I desire a relationship with someone in the future, I want a romantic relationship, not a sexual one. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but I've realized that the idea of having sex with someone no longer feels appealing to me. I still only experience romantic feelings for men, but there's no desire for anything more than romance for me anymore.
As a side note: Having talked to Steve about it actually felt good. It felt like I was hiding something about myself that I didn't even really fully grasp that I was hiding until after I had said it.
I don't quite know what to call this. Gay asexual? Homoromantic? I know this is what I am, but I'm struggling with the proper term for it. Gay asexual feels right, based on some stuff I've read, but I don't honestly know, so I wanted some input. If anyone has any thoughts on this matter, please let me know.
EDIT: Just to clarify: I'm not writing the journal because I'm struggling with my feelings. I'm writing the journal to ask for people's thoughts on the proper term for it.
Okay, so... what you're about to read is something that has been weighing on my mind for some time now, but, after talking with my housemate/brother Steve about it, I feel confident enough to actually say something about it.
For the last few months, I've been thinking a lot about a certain aspect of my life. Namely my sexual orientation. I am gay. I know that, and I fully believe that. Have been for many years now. The issue lies in the fact that, in recent months, I've come to realize that, although I desire a relationship with someone in the future, I want a romantic relationship, not a sexual one. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but I've realized that the idea of having sex with someone no longer feels appealing to me. I still only experience romantic feelings for men, but there's no desire for anything more than romance for me anymore.
As a side note: Having talked to Steve about it actually felt good. It felt like I was hiding something about myself that I didn't even really fully grasp that I was hiding until after I had said it.
I don't quite know what to call this. Gay asexual? Homoromantic? I know this is what I am, but I'm struggling with the proper term for it. Gay asexual feels right, based on some stuff I've read, but I don't honestly know, so I wanted some input. If anyone has any thoughts on this matter, please let me know.
EDIT: Just to clarify: I'm not writing the journal because I'm struggling with my feelings. I'm writing the journal to ask for people's thoughts on the proper term for it.
Visual porn does nothing for me. Literally, nothing.
My biggest turn on: affection. And at my age, affection is the end of it. That's what I want, that's what I crave.
So, don't feel alone. We are all unique.
I admit that I'm probably the last one to talk about such things, but I can honestly say that I don't find it an issue of someone who just wants to be close to someone else, and there doesn't have to be any intimacy, even if they are both the same sex. I'm sure many are in the same boat as you are Bobby. I'm glad talking to your brother Steve has helped you with this.
There's the ROMANTIC spectrum which is the genders you are romantically attracted to
and
The SEXUAL spectrum which is the genders you are sexually attracted to.
So being asexual and homoromantic are two separate identities.
Take me for instance, I'm bisexual and (and lean heavily to) heteroromantic. Meaning while I'm sexually attracted towards both genders, I'm more inclined to develop romantic attachments towards men. My boyfriend Mike is heterosexual and heteroromantic (likes girls and is romantic to girls), my best friend Tiger Lily is bisexual and homoromantic (likes both and romantic towards women).
The link below is surprisingly helpful
https://www.healthline.com/health/h.....mantic-asexual
Hope I've helped.
"Someone homoromantic and asexual does not experience sexual attraction toward anyone but does experience romantic desire towards some people of a similar gender as their own."
I pulled that from the page you linked, and, yeah, that right there perfectly applies to how I feel. So I guess I *do* identify as both. I have no sexual attraction toward others at all, but I still experience romantic attraction toward other guys.
So yeah, mahalo, Alyx! That actually helped a lot!