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update | about kink content
4 years ago
hey uh
i've got some time, so i'll explain kinda where i've been and what's going on w/ me.
for one thing, a new semester's started, and it's really chaotic, so i'm trying to sort through that and get into a rhythm. it's looking doubtful i'll have any time to open commissions, but i do like money, so, we'll see if i can swing it.
there's another thing at play.
some of my close and close-ish friends may know that i've been struggling with what i can only best describe as trauma. nothing happened to me physically, but i engaged with the wrong type of content, and it really fucked me up. for the last half a year since then, i've been struggling with constant intrusive thoughts about my main character/sona, eX, in undesirable or distressing situations that really bother me. i won't go into too much detail, but they commonly involve nonconsensual acts, captivity, defeat, subjugation, etc.
and to be frank, at this point, i'm kind of finding that, as much as i still think i like bondage/kink stuff, scrolling through it, here and on my twitter feed, is starting to stimulate more negative feelings than positive ones. it's like the idea of helplessness isn't as exciting anymore as it is distressing.
it might be the trauma that i think it is, it might be something else, idk. i don't really know why my brain is.... like, broken, like this, but it's starting to get to a point where i feel like i need to largely disengage from kinky content, at least for a while, for the sake of my own mental health.
so that's where i'm at right now. idk what i'm going to do. i hope this gets better, but, i'm just gonna-- i have to-- do whatever improves my mindset, i suppose. i know a lot of people know me for my kink interests, and it really bugs me to think that i might have to stop... being... that? but i'm really sick of feeling the way i've been feeling lately.
so yeah. that's why i might be pulling back a bit. this journal is a bit messy because i'm not the best at figuring out my own feelings, and they fluctuate, i still do bondage RP and all that sometimes, so i dunno. i'm hopeful that these feelings will resolve so i can engage with the content i used to in an enjoyable way again.
-eX
update 7/26/22:
i don't really have a lot to say, but, i thought i should update this and say that i'm doing a lot better with this kind of stuff. the long-term consequence of all that mess is that i'm very picky about what kind of kink stuff i involve eX with, and especially like, who gets to see them in a state of vulnerability. i also don't inflict or allow non-consensual stuff with eX, period. but kink stuff by and large doesn't really bother me most of the time anymore, i'm doing better.
i've got some time, so i'll explain kinda where i've been and what's going on w/ me.
for one thing, a new semester's started, and it's really chaotic, so i'm trying to sort through that and get into a rhythm. it's looking doubtful i'll have any time to open commissions, but i do like money, so, we'll see if i can swing it.
there's another thing at play.
some of my close and close-ish friends may know that i've been struggling with what i can only best describe as trauma. nothing happened to me physically, but i engaged with the wrong type of content, and it really fucked me up. for the last half a year since then, i've been struggling with constant intrusive thoughts about my main character/sona, eX, in undesirable or distressing situations that really bother me. i won't go into too much detail, but they commonly involve nonconsensual acts, captivity, defeat, subjugation, etc.
and to be frank, at this point, i'm kind of finding that, as much as i still think i like bondage/kink stuff, scrolling through it, here and on my twitter feed, is starting to stimulate more negative feelings than positive ones. it's like the idea of helplessness isn't as exciting anymore as it is distressing.
it might be the trauma that i think it is, it might be something else, idk. i don't really know why my brain is.... like, broken, like this, but it's starting to get to a point where i feel like i need to largely disengage from kinky content, at least for a while, for the sake of my own mental health.
so that's where i'm at right now. idk what i'm going to do. i hope this gets better, but, i'm just gonna-- i have to-- do whatever improves my mindset, i suppose. i know a lot of people know me for my kink interests, and it really bugs me to think that i might have to stop... being... that? but i'm really sick of feeling the way i've been feeling lately.
so yeah. that's why i might be pulling back a bit. this journal is a bit messy because i'm not the best at figuring out my own feelings, and they fluctuate, i still do bondage RP and all that sometimes, so i dunno. i'm hopeful that these feelings will resolve so i can engage with the content i used to in an enjoyable way again.
-eX
update 7/26/22:
i don't really have a lot to say, but, i thought i should update this and say that i'm doing a lot better with this kind of stuff. the long-term consequence of all that mess is that i'm very picky about what kind of kink stuff i involve eX with, and especially like, who gets to see them in a state of vulnerability. i also don't inflict or allow non-consensual stuff with eX, period. but kink stuff by and large doesn't really bother me most of the time anymore, i'm doing better.
Stay safe and be well, eX.
Honestly, fun as the kinky stuff is, I still love those system diagrams you did a while back. I thought those were amazingly cool.
I support your decision, please take care <3
Take it easy, especially with the upcoming school semester.
Really tho, you do make a lot of non-bdsm related content that's just as rad; say, the way you draw insect-like creatures etc.. you're very creative around something so hard to get around as exoskeletons and that alone is great. Your coloring and the likes is so alien-y and exotic too, all around fun.
In the end, it's better that you do what you're comfortable with, and don't let others try to push you into dark things you're not ok with.
Just try to do whatever makes you feel best in these situations :)
Best wishes laddie.
You have no obligation to honor an abstract concept.
There is obviously plenty of room for cuddly, sweet, and kind kink, where it's more about the physical sensation of restraint with a loving partner but there's no guarantee that's going to feel any better. If it does, great! If you're not interested in trying in order to protect your state of mind? Also great!
You need first and foremost to do whatever is best for your physiological and psychological health and fulfillment.
thanks for posting this.