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4 years ago
It's always this feeling that brings me back here to spin out a nonsense journal. That, and my bitter resentment of the persons or person I consider friends on little more than technicality.
My own loathing and stubbornness continues to saw incessantly at even that.
There are times like this where I have ideas that I want to share, want to workshop or just mess with. I think about bringing it to them before remembering the countless times I've done so before.
So I start googling all the same stuff yet again to become disgruntled when I don't find what I want. Rather than hold on to them and let them decay, I tend to just let them go. I don't know what to do with them.
It's gotten that way with my music now too. I'll be in a funk or a mood and dip into Bosca to see what I come up with. I'll get a few bars, maybe 30-some seconds of music, call it an idea, drop it in an ever-expanding folder and never touch it again.
Is it wise to put all your different friend groups in one server and expect them to mesh seamlessly? From what I've witnessed it's been toothpaste and orange juice, if anything. Most didn't talk much to begin with. Those who do have formed their own tiny niche all to themselves.
It's difficult to have any patience for someone who continually insists on playing the same game everyone hates. I can understand sticking with it for a single paid battlepass, but when it keeps happening like that it gets stale.
It's hard to care about streaming for friends when they don't even watch or engage with the game. They say they want to chat, then talk about nothing. I understand some are working through mental and emotional stuff. I know it's not fair for me to crab about their engagement or lack thereof, but that's how I feel.
So I don't do much of anything now. I've started to despise inspiration.
They made a separate group for the few of us to "talk about our problems with the server". My biggest problem is they seem to expect me to start things. I find it hard to want to start anything when I'm the only one who's participating. I compare it to DnD. It can be fun to be a Dungeon Master for a campaign, but even the DM wants to be a player sometimes. They wonder why I don't engage as much anymore. I can only wonder why they don't even try to message me directly. I'm not going to manually maintain my server status when people can ask me what I'm up to.
If you're reading this, fuck you.
My own loathing and stubbornness continues to saw incessantly at even that.
There are times like this where I have ideas that I want to share, want to workshop or just mess with. I think about bringing it to them before remembering the countless times I've done so before.
So I start googling all the same stuff yet again to become disgruntled when I don't find what I want. Rather than hold on to them and let them decay, I tend to just let them go. I don't know what to do with them.
It's gotten that way with my music now too. I'll be in a funk or a mood and dip into Bosca to see what I come up with. I'll get a few bars, maybe 30-some seconds of music, call it an idea, drop it in an ever-expanding folder and never touch it again.
Is it wise to put all your different friend groups in one server and expect them to mesh seamlessly? From what I've witnessed it's been toothpaste and orange juice, if anything. Most didn't talk much to begin with. Those who do have formed their own tiny niche all to themselves.
It's difficult to have any patience for someone who continually insists on playing the same game everyone hates. I can understand sticking with it for a single paid battlepass, but when it keeps happening like that it gets stale.
It's hard to care about streaming for friends when they don't even watch or engage with the game. They say they want to chat, then talk about nothing. I understand some are working through mental and emotional stuff. I know it's not fair for me to crab about their engagement or lack thereof, but that's how I feel.
So I don't do much of anything now. I've started to despise inspiration.
They made a separate group for the few of us to "talk about our problems with the server". My biggest problem is they seem to expect me to start things. I find it hard to want to start anything when I'm the only one who's participating. I compare it to DnD. It can be fun to be a Dungeon Master for a campaign, but even the DM wants to be a player sometimes. They wonder why I don't engage as much anymore. I can only wonder why they don't even try to message me directly. I'm not going to manually maintain my server status when people can ask me what I'm up to.
If you're reading this, fuck you.
