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Betrayal
4 years ago
Glimpse The Thoughts of Jack the Beaver
I never make a journal two days in a row unless something big has happened. And something has happened. I am more angry then I ever thought possible. And I don't know if anyone else will agree with me, but for me this...was enraging.
So the worst teacher I ever had was my 7th grade English teacher, Ms. Hudson. She made me feel like I wasn't wanted and that I was going to be repeating the 7th grade. Now most of the time my mother would side with my teacher against me over any complaints I would make. This was the one exception, my mother believed me.
Ms. Hudson is actually at my school, teaching high school English now. My mentor teacher went to speak to her, since I've mentioned my thoughts on Ms. Hudson to my mentor a few times. And Ms. Hudson gave me a very different POV than the one I remembered. You see, according to Ms. Hudson, she didn't hate me. She was scared for me. And she was worried that my mother was messing me up, because in her words "His mom was crazy".
Ms. Hudson wanted me to speak to a psychiatrist, she was convinced I had some kind of anxiety disorder and OCD because of how withdrawn I was becoming. And when she broached the subject with my mother, my mother responded by freaking out. She refused to discuss any problems I might have and REFUSED to get me tested for these mental illnesses.
These illnesses I would later on be tested for. And it would be proven I did have. After I went and got testing that I paid for out of pocket.
For years I've thought that there was something wrong with me, but I could never figure out what. I figured no one knew because no one ever mentioned mental health to me until my therapist brought it up. And today I found out my mother had been warned about these problems, again problems I actually had, years ago. That I should get tested so that I didn't become a nearly catatonic hermit crippled by OCD and anxiety.
Which is exactly what would eventually happen.
I spent years suffering and being miserable. I was so unhappy and crippled by my fears. And all that time my mom kept telling me that it was my fault, that it was due to a weakness in my character, or that I was acting crazy and thank God she was here to get me under control. She manipulated me, she kept me miserable and she kept me away from anything that could have helped me heal.
I've not told her I found out about this. I'm going to keep this card close to my chest for now. What I now believe is my mother is a completely toxic person.
rimme and I want to get married and have children one day. When we do, I will not let them be around her unless Rimme or I are around her as well. She is toxic, she made me suffer for years for no reason other than not wanting to deal with a problem I had.
I would like some advice. What do I do here?
So the worst teacher I ever had was my 7th grade English teacher, Ms. Hudson. She made me feel like I wasn't wanted and that I was going to be repeating the 7th grade. Now most of the time my mother would side with my teacher against me over any complaints I would make. This was the one exception, my mother believed me.
Ms. Hudson is actually at my school, teaching high school English now. My mentor teacher went to speak to her, since I've mentioned my thoughts on Ms. Hudson to my mentor a few times. And Ms. Hudson gave me a very different POV than the one I remembered. You see, according to Ms. Hudson, she didn't hate me. She was scared for me. And she was worried that my mother was messing me up, because in her words "His mom was crazy".
Ms. Hudson wanted me to speak to a psychiatrist, she was convinced I had some kind of anxiety disorder and OCD because of how withdrawn I was becoming. And when she broached the subject with my mother, my mother responded by freaking out. She refused to discuss any problems I might have and REFUSED to get me tested for these mental illnesses.
These illnesses I would later on be tested for. And it would be proven I did have. After I went and got testing that I paid for out of pocket.
For years I've thought that there was something wrong with me, but I could never figure out what. I figured no one knew because no one ever mentioned mental health to me until my therapist brought it up. And today I found out my mother had been warned about these problems, again problems I actually had, years ago. That I should get tested so that I didn't become a nearly catatonic hermit crippled by OCD and anxiety.
Which is exactly what would eventually happen.
I spent years suffering and being miserable. I was so unhappy and crippled by my fears. And all that time my mom kept telling me that it was my fault, that it was due to a weakness in my character, or that I was acting crazy and thank God she was here to get me under control. She manipulated me, she kept me miserable and she kept me away from anything that could have helped me heal.
I've not told her I found out about this. I'm going to keep this card close to my chest for now. What I now believe is my mother is a completely toxic person.
rimme and I want to get married and have children one day. When we do, I will not let them be around her unless Rimme or I are around her as well. She is toxic, she made me suffer for years for no reason other than not wanting to deal with a problem I had.I would like some advice. What do I do here?
So after ten years of not talking to my mom and sister, my mom passes away. Now my mom was a really cool person who was always looking after me and supporting me no matter what I did. This is despite how I disrespected her due to my aunt having poisoned me against her. So ten years go by without me talking to her and in 2016 I find out she died. So I call my sister and have a really uncomfortable conversation. However I apologize, we makeup and I tell her yeah I'm sorry for how I treated you guys. See when I got married in 2002 it was to someone who was trans. When my aunt found this out she started treating my ex like crap. We ended up moving to Texas in 2011 because she was just so controlling.
My sister then tells me, "Oh-you don't know the half of it."
See my mom kidnapped me. When my dad left she didn't think my mom could take care of me. She threatened to pull financial support from my mom if she ever told anyone. So instead of growing up with my mom and sister I grew up with my aunt and uncle and had them poisoning me against my real family. On top of that my aunt was really controlling, never hugged me, never encouraged me, caused me to have tons of anxieties, and just did her best to make me feel incapable of taking care of myself. Then when I turned 18 she kicked me out. She also treated my sister like utter shit. Whenever she'd come over for holidays (which was rare), she'd be left out of family photos and videos. It was really disgusting how badly my aunt treated her. I still feel bad for never really noticing or saying anything about her poor treatment when I did see it.
Now along with all this comes the part where she let a bunch of issues that were brought to her by my teachers go untreated. ADHD, depression, low self-esteem...there was a lot of stuff going on several teachers caught onto that I didn't end up getting help with until quite recently. All those years she was punishing me (and kicking me out) for ended up being stuff she knew about but didn't do anything to treat.
This is from a psychiatric nurse.
At any rate, I haven't confronted her with any of this. I live in Texas and she lives in RI and honestly? It's a different part of my life. I have good people in my life who love me. I have a sister who I'm getting to know and love in a healthier way. Most importantly I'm in a much better place health and emotion-wise. I highly suggest not confronting your mom unless you feel you're in a healthy and strong enough place to. That and while I know it's messed up (and maybe ironic after all I've written) try to see it from her side. Even if it's still pretty messed up keep in mind that your mom's human. It doesn't make it OK but at the same time something in her life may have made it difficult for her to see the wrong in what she was doing.
It's up to you, though. You have every right to hold her accountable. I only say all that because sometimes hanging onto stuff only makes things worse.
If you ever need someone to talk to about this stuff my notes are always open plus I'm on telegram as Ziddersroofurry and Discord as Zidders#7091