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September.
4 years ago
General
I am very tired these days. I have a dozen projects I'd love to get done, all bouncing around in my head, but I think like... even though I've taken a break from commissions, I've still been trying to force myself to write and get things done and I think it's ended up contributing to my burnout rather than allowing me to "experience creative freedom."
I know, I know. I'm like an addict, trying to shake out another high.
It feels bad still to actually take time for myself, though. To try and not worry about things. How do people not worry about things?
I am keeping busy with my real-world stuff, as exhausting as that can be at times. Horses motivate me in a way that even writing doesn't. And better yet it's not staring at a screen, which is actively becoming harder these days because of some personal issues. It's also something... measurable. Like, you can't physically measure progress or improvement with writing, how good you are, how bad you are. You can absolutely get a vague idea of it by going back and reading a story you wrote a few years ago and being absolutely horrified at what you wrote back then, yes, but it's really hard to map improvement. Or to feel your own improvement as you write: everything feels the same until you go back and see how much progress you've made. And even then, it can be hard.
Teaching a giant animal a trick or getting it from "will kill you for looking at it wrong" to "grudgingly allows you to ride it for a short period of time," then. You know you've made improvement.
I like that.
I might accept a few really short, no pressure commissions. The problem is that for the foreseeable future I'm unfortunately not going to be able to give any sort of timeframe for my writing anymore, and I find that super frustrating. But snippets I can probably get done relatively quickly, without too many problems. Although at the same time depending on how busy I am and how much my brain wants to cooperate, it could still be a week or two, and that. Annoys me. Believe me, I get more frustrated with how long it takes me to write than most of my clients do.
Well, just gotta keep moving, right? Adjust, adapt, overcome.
I know, I know. I'm like an addict, trying to shake out another high.
It feels bad still to actually take time for myself, though. To try and not worry about things. How do people not worry about things?
I am keeping busy with my real-world stuff, as exhausting as that can be at times. Horses motivate me in a way that even writing doesn't. And better yet it's not staring at a screen, which is actively becoming harder these days because of some personal issues. It's also something... measurable. Like, you can't physically measure progress or improvement with writing, how good you are, how bad you are. You can absolutely get a vague idea of it by going back and reading a story you wrote a few years ago and being absolutely horrified at what you wrote back then, yes, but it's really hard to map improvement. Or to feel your own improvement as you write: everything feels the same until you go back and see how much progress you've made. And even then, it can be hard.
Teaching a giant animal a trick or getting it from "will kill you for looking at it wrong" to "grudgingly allows you to ride it for a short period of time," then. You know you've made improvement.
I like that.
I might accept a few really short, no pressure commissions. The problem is that for the foreseeable future I'm unfortunately not going to be able to give any sort of timeframe for my writing anymore, and I find that super frustrating. But snippets I can probably get done relatively quickly, without too many problems. Although at the same time depending on how busy I am and how much my brain wants to cooperate, it could still be a week or two, and that. Annoys me. Believe me, I get more frustrated with how long it takes me to write than most of my clients do.
Well, just gotta keep moving, right? Adjust, adapt, overcome.
Best of luck with all of your projects. Hope everything goes well for you!
Like seriously.
Split your projects up into however many they number. And if you can’t decide which one gets preference for that particular week, roll the dice and let chance decide.
Then it’s something you ain’t got to worry about. Enjoy your time with the horses instead.