Honestly, I don't even know why I'm doing this or why I'm even trying. Just got the news my hours are getting cut and I'm no longer allowed to have any kind of fun for myself. So that means I'm cancelling mostly everything to do with celebrating my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas because I'd rather be poor and barely making it than being homeless. I'm barely making it on my commissions and Patreon pages as it is. Not to say that I'm not grateful for it, I am, but it's hard to see any kind of silver lining when your life is as shitty as mine.

Better off working the streets rather than any other business or company or anything and I thought I was doing well. Apparently my bosses are doing shit behind my back because, gonna admit this now, of my fucking disabilities that they may or may not know about. For anyone wondering or curious. I have high functioning autism, a learning disability specific to math, anxiety, and depression. But, that's just an assumption. I know this is only an internship, but I consider it work.

So yeah. Probably gonna lose this one in place of something shittier and I'm gonna hate even more than the one at the grocery store's hot bar at the deli. Never gonna have any kind of fun for the next 6 months to a year. Going to be even more depressed and fucked up now more than ever. Honestly, I really wish I was born different. I barely have anyone other than my aunt to help out along with a counselor. Don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, not like anyone would wanna date an ugly, fuck-up like me anyhow.

I consider myself at the bottom of the barrel of everything. From my disabilities, to my job performances, to my life-style, to everything about me. I'm a prideful woman and it's never easy for me to ask for help. I was neglected, verbally, emotionally, and maybe even mentally abused by my own mother who I no longer want nothing to do with in my life anymore. No one even bothered to teach me ANYTHING despite my own harmful habits in my youth; how to balance a budget, how to be healthier, how to handle money properly, no adulting-lessons whatso-fucking-ever.

At this point, I'm just having a pity-party and just need to let off some steam. I've literally been broken by how much shit has been going on in my life. Lowering my expectations to just working the streets if nothing else works or helps at this point, because that's all I'm good for. Roast, troll, or make fun of me for all of this if you will, I'm just done with all this and I'm exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I literally wish I was born different and with a different life. Something better than the bullshit I've had throughout the past 25 years of my life.