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My Hiatus
4 years ago
Hey all you lovely readers! Some of the more perceptive ones may have noticed a sudden stall in content, which I supremely apologize for considering I haven't missed an upload since the first of the year, or at least made up for any missed ones. I haven't exactly run out of material to upload, but my stockpile from earlier this year has grown thin, and a mixture of lacking motivation and even less time to write have regrettably stalled out the creative juices. I do feel I owe some explanations for that, too, or at least some justification as to why I'm taking a little break.
Or maybe this'll just sound like a bunch of excuses. I dunno.
So, firstly, got a new pet in the house. One dog was lovely, but we'd forgotten how much work a puppy was, and she pretty much requires a constant eye. So there went a ton of free time, including time needed to work on this work-in-progress house we're in. Probably the biggest time-suck right there, but goddammit if she isn't adorable and 110% worth it.
Secondly, any meager free time that occurs tends to be poured into... *breathes deep*... Final Fantasy XIV. I know, I know... that leads me to my third point: I canceled my Warcraft subscription for the first time since I started playing in 2008. I truly hope it doesn't feel as if I'm betraying anyone by mentioning that. I still love the game and the world it's based in, but it's... really, truly not *fun* right now. Why pay money for something I'm not enjoying? TO BE CLEAR: THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM STOPPING MY WRITING EFFORTS. Drenan and Lyrah, along with all of my other characters, are quite dear to me, and they will continue to have their stories told. I don't need to hop ingame to recall the finer details of Azuremyst Isle or the Hillsbrad Foothills, and I still love Azeroth enough to keep writing about it aplenty. It's a setting I have so much knowledge of that it makes it really easy to write within that realm. (Small update to this, I wrote this post a few weeks ago and never submitted it. Since then, I have discovered the wonders of Ascension, which has been wonderful in satisfying my Warcraft itch.)
Point 3-B: I noticed on my latest poll so far that the bulk of folks want me to stick with Warcraft writing, which I'm honestly quite flattered by. That being said, it's possible I may crop up with a secondary account in the future for works in other areas, or I may just throw them in on the side if I'm pleased enough by a piece IF I do write something else. There was a Star Wars piece I was super pleased with a while back that I didn't finish, and I'd like to post that sometime. They may get a bit more love on non-furry sites, but my love of the furred kind will ever-keep me here, don't you doubt.
Fourth... this is perhaps the most personal difficulty I've had to deal with. I can't recall if I've mentioned this before, but this has been a big reason why I haven't progressed Drenan and Lyrah to their next big step....
My wonderful wife and I have been dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage for the past two months.
Unfortunately, it's not the first one either. The first was heartbreaking enough, but it passed relatively quickly. This one required her to undergo surgery because it wouldn't pass naturally. She's thankfully mostly recovered by now, and whatever sadness and pain I may be feeling, I know she's plagued by it tenfold at least. It's a terrible feeling to think that something so many people can manage naturally has caused her such physical pain, despite being something we both truly and dearly desire. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better. Mentions of 'trying again' and all only cause more pain. There isn't much of a bright side, aside being thankful that she's still alive and well after her procedure. She's my everything, my muse, the love of my life (and while a heavy influence on Lyrah, she is NOT my biological daughter in any form. We met online, and it's just a kink we share), and I've struggled a lot with the thought of losing her in our pursuit of a child. What started Drenan's Folly is one of my biggest fears, and I can't bring Lyrah anywhere near that until my wife and I, hopefully, someday have our rainbow baby.
Sorry, I know that got a bit too personal toward the end there. Truth be told, I'm a little short on friends to chat with nowadays, and it's taken more than a little courage for me to dare to confide in my reader base about this sort of thing, regardless of how many, or few, see it. But yeah, all of that has pretty much culminated into a soft depression and no desire to write, which pains me greatly.
Over the past week though, I'm feeling a little more inspired again. My office is actually progressing to the point where I might be able to set up my main writing computer in it in another week or two if I'm lucky, and there's a voice in the back of my mind that crops up sometimes that just urges me to write. I took another look at the Shadowclaw pack and decided to write up some character sheets for our four protagonists, and I'm thinking about doing some more for some of my other characters, for shits and giggles. Realistically I'm probably opening my canon up to numerous contradictions by doing this, but part of me is trying to keep things straight, and the other part thinks more like 'fuck it, this is fun', so that's what I'm doing.
So... I guess I dunno how to end this... oh! Well, like always, thank you all so much for reading! Even during my absence I've seen a couple new watchers and some rare favorites, and I actually finally reached 100 watchers on Inkbunny after almost exactly five years of uploads. I still haven't reached the 110 I had on tumblr before they banned porn, but I'm no less thankful to see people who have taken a genuine interest in what I have to write. Without some sort of numerical affirmation, I doubt I'd still be uploading nowadays. Thank you, all of you.
Cheers, Ben
Or maybe this'll just sound like a bunch of excuses. I dunno.
So, firstly, got a new pet in the house. One dog was lovely, but we'd forgotten how much work a puppy was, and she pretty much requires a constant eye. So there went a ton of free time, including time needed to work on this work-in-progress house we're in. Probably the biggest time-suck right there, but goddammit if she isn't adorable and 110% worth it.
Secondly, any meager free time that occurs tends to be poured into... *breathes deep*... Final Fantasy XIV. I know, I know... that leads me to my third point: I canceled my Warcraft subscription for the first time since I started playing in 2008. I truly hope it doesn't feel as if I'm betraying anyone by mentioning that. I still love the game and the world it's based in, but it's... really, truly not *fun* right now. Why pay money for something I'm not enjoying? TO BE CLEAR: THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM STOPPING MY WRITING EFFORTS. Drenan and Lyrah, along with all of my other characters, are quite dear to me, and they will continue to have their stories told. I don't need to hop ingame to recall the finer details of Azuremyst Isle or the Hillsbrad Foothills, and I still love Azeroth enough to keep writing about it aplenty. It's a setting I have so much knowledge of that it makes it really easy to write within that realm. (Small update to this, I wrote this post a few weeks ago and never submitted it. Since then, I have discovered the wonders of Ascension, which has been wonderful in satisfying my Warcraft itch.)
Point 3-B: I noticed on my latest poll so far that the bulk of folks want me to stick with Warcraft writing, which I'm honestly quite flattered by. That being said, it's possible I may crop up with a secondary account in the future for works in other areas, or I may just throw them in on the side if I'm pleased enough by a piece IF I do write something else. There was a Star Wars piece I was super pleased with a while back that I didn't finish, and I'd like to post that sometime. They may get a bit more love on non-furry sites, but my love of the furred kind will ever-keep me here, don't you doubt.
Fourth... this is perhaps the most personal difficulty I've had to deal with. I can't recall if I've mentioned this before, but this has been a big reason why I haven't progressed Drenan and Lyrah to their next big step....
My wonderful wife and I have been dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage for the past two months.
Unfortunately, it's not the first one either. The first was heartbreaking enough, but it passed relatively quickly. This one required her to undergo surgery because it wouldn't pass naturally. She's thankfully mostly recovered by now, and whatever sadness and pain I may be feeling, I know she's plagued by it tenfold at least. It's a terrible feeling to think that something so many people can manage naturally has caused her such physical pain, despite being something we both truly and dearly desire. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better. Mentions of 'trying again' and all only cause more pain. There isn't much of a bright side, aside being thankful that she's still alive and well after her procedure. She's my everything, my muse, the love of my life (and while a heavy influence on Lyrah, she is NOT my biological daughter in any form. We met online, and it's just a kink we share), and I've struggled a lot with the thought of losing her in our pursuit of a child. What started Drenan's Folly is one of my biggest fears, and I can't bring Lyrah anywhere near that until my wife and I, hopefully, someday have our rainbow baby.
Sorry, I know that got a bit too personal toward the end there. Truth be told, I'm a little short on friends to chat with nowadays, and it's taken more than a little courage for me to dare to confide in my reader base about this sort of thing, regardless of how many, or few, see it. But yeah, all of that has pretty much culminated into a soft depression and no desire to write, which pains me greatly.
Over the past week though, I'm feeling a little more inspired again. My office is actually progressing to the point where I might be able to set up my main writing computer in it in another week or two if I'm lucky, and there's a voice in the back of my mind that crops up sometimes that just urges me to write. I took another look at the Shadowclaw pack and decided to write up some character sheets for our four protagonists, and I'm thinking about doing some more for some of my other characters, for shits and giggles. Realistically I'm probably opening my canon up to numerous contradictions by doing this, but part of me is trying to keep things straight, and the other part thinks more like 'fuck it, this is fun', so that's what I'm doing.
So... I guess I dunno how to end this... oh! Well, like always, thank you all so much for reading! Even during my absence I've seen a couple new watchers and some rare favorites, and I actually finally reached 100 watchers on Inkbunny after almost exactly five years of uploads. I still haven't reached the 110 I had on tumblr before they banned porn, but I'm no less thankful to see people who have taken a genuine interest in what I have to write. Without some sort of numerical affirmation, I doubt I'd still be uploading nowadays. Thank you, all of you.
Cheers, Ben
