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Don't waste your blessings
4 years ago
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Being an artist is a blessing. I have difficulty understanding how any artistically-driven people turn out to be philosophically materialist or modern atheist because carrying the gift of an artistic drive is nothing short of a supernatural experience as far as I'm concerned. The creation of art appears to me as active proof that the spirit can separate from the flesh, actively engaging in the beauty of your own reflected spirit and testing how it may appear if it weren't confined by physical law.
(Note: Music and poetry is an art form, an equal art form to the visual arts, and I consider myself an artist)
I feel that the more I've dwelt on the physical limitations to the creation of my art, the less anything at all became possible. The Game Owls was born out of the artistic will to use any device available to me; they're an attempt to compose a symphony using only a glass bottle collection. I underestimated what a valuable attitude towards creation this is -- I'm reminded of how The Residents depicted God's creation of man: "At the time there were no graveyards to rob, so He had been forced to use dead worms and some seaweed that had lay dead on the beach for quite a while." I understand how the speak of decay sounds unwholesome, but I'm attempting to depict to you how the golden light of artistic will in the end will always outshine the vulgarity of the materials used. Even if the vulgarity is some of your own emotional content, you have to trust that the emotional content can connect transpersonally somehow. And if it doesn't, well I suppose that's when you fail. You're the judge of your own failures, just as you're the one who utilizes and honors your own blessings. You're given a gift and you can either use it or put it away in the closet and forget about it forever. One choice is clearly sadder than the other.
So, modern atheists, how do you honor these gifts without seeing the spirit imbued in them? I'm not saying it isn't possible, but I'm not sure it's possible without some sort of denial. Some people are much better and more clever at self-deception so they can still be very productive without ever reflecting on the beauty that they generate. Beliefs often don't correlate with actions, luckily for those with limiting beliefs. But I'm not so good at it. If I lie to myself I have a bad habit of believing the lie, and it effects my actions accordingly. So I have to believe in spirit, I have to invite in the woo-woo or else I'll waste the blessing, the limitations will win and the flesh will be a prison instead of an opportunity to express spirit in a tactile way.
Yesterday, in one moment, I saw how every misfortune, every perceived limitation, every failure and moment of giving up was ultimately my fault. I don't have anyone or anything to blame for my time wasted. I've been nothing short of a total asshole with how I've used my traumas and struggles as rationalizations for my perceived limitations and excuses for my wastrel-like behavior. It was definitely an instance of the truth setting me free but I understand why it was a truth i didn't want to look at for so long. I never thought that witnessing my own blessings so undeniably would be such a sobering and even, in a way, disappointing, experience. I have like 7 years worth of denying my blessings to account for. A lot of catching up to do.
Honor yourself; honor your blessings. Take it from me that not doing so can lead you to a very sad and regretful future.
(Note: Music and poetry is an art form, an equal art form to the visual arts, and I consider myself an artist)
I feel that the more I've dwelt on the physical limitations to the creation of my art, the less anything at all became possible. The Game Owls was born out of the artistic will to use any device available to me; they're an attempt to compose a symphony using only a glass bottle collection. I underestimated what a valuable attitude towards creation this is -- I'm reminded of how The Residents depicted God's creation of man: "At the time there were no graveyards to rob, so He had been forced to use dead worms and some seaweed that had lay dead on the beach for quite a while." I understand how the speak of decay sounds unwholesome, but I'm attempting to depict to you how the golden light of artistic will in the end will always outshine the vulgarity of the materials used. Even if the vulgarity is some of your own emotional content, you have to trust that the emotional content can connect transpersonally somehow. And if it doesn't, well I suppose that's when you fail. You're the judge of your own failures, just as you're the one who utilizes and honors your own blessings. You're given a gift and you can either use it or put it away in the closet and forget about it forever. One choice is clearly sadder than the other.
So, modern atheists, how do you honor these gifts without seeing the spirit imbued in them? I'm not saying it isn't possible, but I'm not sure it's possible without some sort of denial. Some people are much better and more clever at self-deception so they can still be very productive without ever reflecting on the beauty that they generate. Beliefs often don't correlate with actions, luckily for those with limiting beliefs. But I'm not so good at it. If I lie to myself I have a bad habit of believing the lie, and it effects my actions accordingly. So I have to believe in spirit, I have to invite in the woo-woo or else I'll waste the blessing, the limitations will win and the flesh will be a prison instead of an opportunity to express spirit in a tactile way.
Yesterday, in one moment, I saw how every misfortune, every perceived limitation, every failure and moment of giving up was ultimately my fault. I don't have anyone or anything to blame for my time wasted. I've been nothing short of a total asshole with how I've used my traumas and struggles as rationalizations for my perceived limitations and excuses for my wastrel-like behavior. It was definitely an instance of the truth setting me free but I understand why it was a truth i didn't want to look at for so long. I never thought that witnessing my own blessings so undeniably would be such a sobering and even, in a way, disappointing, experience. I have like 7 years worth of denying my blessings to account for. A lot of catching up to do.
Honor yourself; honor your blessings. Take it from me that not doing so can lead you to a very sad and regretful future.
Belief in the spiritual, in my eyes, is a very specific and peculiar worldview I was never raised with and my beliefs are not a choice to me, despite how enamored I am with spiritual beliefs, at the end of the day I see that we have the physical world but 99% of reality is man-made, and we are slaves to our own 5 senses and perception.
But this never got in the way of the euphoria I experience when finally entering that meditative state during a drawing, and interpreting the results as if from a dream. Often I think this is my purpose for living and I found it in this process. Explain it however you want, whether as something going on in the brain, it doesn’t make it any less or more meaningful. What I’m seeing is an attempt at explaining a phenomenon through very specific lens and, I say this without hostility, some condescension towards those who see differently, when there are countless ways to appreciate the skills we came to have.
Also this reminds me that for most of history, art was created for some higher purpose like in the service of a god. We live in an age of uncertainty and egocentrism where an individual has to find their own meaning in creation, and it’s far too easy to fall into despair, nihilism and to “waste your blessings”. But if I’m understanding correctly your target audience are the people who have never bothered with these questions to begin with?
My questions were rhetorical and personal and not meant to condescend or even argue atheism; this journal post is definitely not meant as anything other than expressive writing. If there is a message, I'd hope that what's taken away is to simply not to let distractions or doubts or fugue states (or jobs or drugs or relationships or current events or whatever is in your way) take you away from your mission and that you're probably a far more beautiful being than society would ever want you to realize.
I understand there's many artists who may not use terms like Spirit or God or anything like that but, like you, they recognize there's something transcendental or even just strange and inexplicable about letting inspiration guide your hand. The sort of modern atheism my post refers to is the extreme form that has no use for any kind of transcendental or inexplicable experience whatsoever. The Bill Nye type who has outright said, "Science has become so advanced that philosophy is obsolete." THAT's the attitude that I feel like can't coexist with an artistic mindset. It's also how I was raised for the most part, my own father is a huge Bill Nye fan. I wouldn't ever tell him how spiritual I've become because my dad really looks down on spiritual people. (Of course Bill Nye isn't a real scientist. But John C Lily was a real scientist; Wilhelm Reich was a real scientist, both minds who wouldn't ignore the significance of a human having a religious experience, and both are huge influences on me).
Doesn't matter anyway because spirituality should be personal and I don't support any kind of evangelism or proselytizing. I don't support any church -- in fact I believe the church is a con game that tricks the masses into thinking they need an intermediary between them and God when a direct relationship has been possible all along. I would rather tell people to believe in the themselves and if they feel like they've lost themselves, then do my best to communicate to them that the "lost" feeling is an illusion, a trick played on them, and they can go back to everything they've ever been whenever they want. That's the most I'll preach probably, and probably just for the exercise alone since I don't think any of this can really be taught. I just need to practice my writing more which is why I'm permitting myself to write these thoughts.
Anyway thank you for reading and replying and being interested in what I had to say.
hey, I'm glad you're liking the music, and looking at your profile it does seem we share some tastes. Primus, Swans and Opeth were three artists you named that are huge influences on me. Recently I discovered a google drive with all the soundboard recordings of the '03 and '04 Primus shows, definitely the best years for live Primus, everyone was on fire and fearless as far as live improv was concerned.
I invite you to chat sometime if you like, dreambridger#6371 on discord ... i understand lives are busy, but we seem like-minded. Maybe there will be a moment we're both idle and online and i'd enjoy connecting with you more.