Where are the moods? You can choose a mood on your page still but it's umm not showing on my page... well I'll let everyone know I'm mellow rn.

Don't act like the majority of this Fandom doesn't frequent nsfw.

General and tame art is not and has not been what this Fandom is about for most people for a long time. Most of you are in it for the porn. Stop lying to yourself.

Most. Not all... but most. The majority tho.

I am very negative lately. I get angry, I get sad, I yell and scream and cry... I'm emotional and I'm dealing with a lot. I'm almost homeless and I'm losing a lot of friends and family. I apologize to anyone who sees the sad journals and gets uncomfortable reading them. It won't always be sad stuff... but right now my writing is sad, and I'm writing more stuff about my depression to cope with it.


I hope everyone is able to have a better time than I'm having lately. I'm sorry I'm so sad and upset all the time. I know that can make others uncomfortable. But I just want you to know that anyone who reads my journals and comments is a friend of mine.


I love you all, and I hope to get back on track to where I'm happy again and not just making everyone sad with my sadness.

To be blocked by so many.

I write journals. And browse art rarely. I'm only on this site really to have a chronolog of journals that I can come back to. FA is my online journal. I have many journals in real life but this one is different.

Seriously if you don't even like me or are only here to see me suffer and laugh at me. Then gtfo before I show you what I'm capable of. This is a threat to any bullies that might be stalking my page. This also goes out to pedophile freaks who are only here to be sexual with me. I will show you the front door by force if necessary.

I don't know what I did. I gave you all my love. I cried on your shirt and you cried on mine. You turned sour. You turned bitter. You grew to hate me and I never understood why. You are mean. You are a jerk. You always were. And you had no idea how much I was your support. How much I still bled for you. Wept for you. Went to bed at night thinking about you, wondering if you were ok.

This goes out not just to one person. This goes out to everyone who abandoned me when I gave you nothing but my time, my love and appreciation. I feel neglected by this community. I feel hurt and stung by certain individuals who reap in the benefits of popularity but are indeed lousy individuals not worth anyone's friendship or time.


I will exist over here I guess. Do my own thing. You furries have a habit of backstabbing each other and have such clout chasing behavior and antics. I still am a part of this Fandom. I'm not leaving. I will always be a furry... but some days I do feel it's no different here than being involved in a cult that I can never leave or always have to prove myself to.


You all act like Mormons. And you disfellowship me. Pathetic rats.

I'm callous. I want you to suffer like you made me suffer. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Don't talk to me. Leave me alone. You robbed my happiness. You robbed my joy. I don't want anything to do with you. I want you to hurt. It makes me happy to think about it.

Also this is not about you jazzy if you happen to read this and think it's about you... no this is about other people. Other people in this Fandom who broke my heart, ruined me and my old mates, broke relationships of mine off so that they could steal my lovers right from me.

I never got over these things. I never got over this hurt. Certain individuals wronged me so badly. And now they are getting better physically and emotionally while I rot and deteriorate and get even sicker? No. I hope that you suffer. I wish ill on you. I curse your health with my last breath.


You stole my life from me, you stole what made me happy, left me in a state of despair for many years and I still haven't recovered. My heart is bruised, it is black and blue and damaged by you. You don't get to be happy, this is just a wave I hope, I hope when all is said and done you go back to being the miserable person you are, the person who stole my boyfriend, the person who stepped all over me, the person who if I ever met in real life I would be too afraid to even speak to because of how bad you hurt me.


I will never forgive you. You never made things right with me. And when I'm dead I hope you know how much I hated you when I was alive.

I'm not being treated nice by the babyfurs and other furries in new england and it's causing this catfox hybrid thing to feel very sad and unloved.

""If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery – isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is." -Bukowski

Hey. If anyone knows me they know as of late I have been dealing with a lot of legal stuff and headaches and just I have been freaking out about a lot of stuff, and at times it can feel like I have no one... even though I know that's not the case...

To anyone who has helped me in the past month, with anything... if you have even just had a small chat with me, it means the world.


Just. I know I'm not alone. Maybe I need reminders every now and then that people still care.

I dunno how to explain it... I just. I dunno. I feel bizarre.

Honestly... I just don't know.

:/

I would love to leave this country I no longer feel safe. I am always running from a gun. They threaten to shoot me now. They have been sending me to jail because they don't like me. I don't want to be in America anymore.

WHATS UP TOKYO HENLO.

It's already starting. They are trying to kill me. I heard someone mention in this building to throw people in concentration camps. My neighbors are trying to get me homeless, lose my benefits and let me die in the cold on Christmas. They pointed lasers in my windows, called the cops on me for the 100th time. And they treat my friends like slaves.

Good luck in court is all I'm saying. Good luck being remembered.

There is a reason I deleted that submission. Because it wasn't mine. I thought it was caleb it looked like him for a while and I thought someone commissioned art for me. So I apologize. I removed all the places I was using it and clarified to everyone it wasn't mine.

I really felt like a person at the Oscar's giving a whole acceptance speech only to find out I didn't even win and the award was for someone else.

It was really embarrassing to say the least. But comical. So idk. I guess im just happy more sonas are starting to look like caleb. I remember the night thinking about his design on truck drive home. And I got it drawn by my buddy at the time ace. Not ace pup but someone who use to go by something else. I think uh dog barf. But when I told them what I was thinking they made it perfectly to a t on what I was thinking in my head. And caleb was born.


I've seen my character grow so much of the years and evolve. And I am very proud with my new revision. The red is nice. But I also want to add purple now for some reason. Who knows. I don't think Caleb's design is permanent. But it definitely has a rich lore. And I hope people treat him well. And don't draw him into nasty things and only cute things and nice things.

Seriously. I have had accounts with 10k or more page views and hundreds of watchers but I usually run away when my accounts get big. Even when I'm on Facebook now. My circle is small. Like 10 or so people.

It's really hard to relate to me, and I burn through friend groups pretty damn fast. I always am searching for some solid foundations, but in my life I haven't really found any. And my family my real family are all splitting apart. So I have nothing to hold on to lately.

If I seem more needy, more whiney, more attention seeking as of late, please bear with me... I'm going through a major transition period and am trying to blossom. I'm pruning dead leaves and moving on from certain people entirely.

I just want to be able to grow up and let people not be so taxing on the process. I know I'm acting different lately. I know sometimes I can be scary. But I'm growing up a bit and I would like you to all understand I love you.

One day I will be happy. One day it will be all worth it, all the struggle, all the hardship. One day it will all pay off. It's what I look forward to the most.

Just wanted to say... FA and everyone who runs this site. I see you fighting in my corner. Every since I complained initially when my side of the space was being targeted and you changed your rules to let us stay... I just. It's appreciated ok. Thank you for listening and hearing us out. Us littles. Thank you for understanding or trying to understand. That's what I remember being furry was about. Love and acceptance... Anyways, love ya bunches, and thank you for trying to understand that not all of us are bad people.

I wish they weren't trying to murder me anymore.