I'm not being treated nice by the babyfurs and other furries in new england and it's causing this catfox hybrid thing to feel very sad and unloved.

""If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery – isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is." -Bukowski

Hey. If anyone knows me they know as of late I have been dealing with a lot of legal stuff and headaches and just I have been freaking out about a lot of stuff, and at times it can feel like I have no one... even though I know that's not the case...

To anyone who has helped me in the past month, with anything... if you have even just had a small chat with me, it means the world.


Just. I know I'm not alone. Maybe I need reminders every now and then that people still care.

I dunno how to explain it... I just. I dunno. I feel bizarre.

Honestly... I just don't know.

:/

I would love to leave this country I no longer feel safe. I am always running from a gun. They threaten to shoot me now. They have been sending me to jail because they don't like me. I don't want to be in America anymore.

WHATS UP TOKYO HENLO.

It's already starting. They are trying to kill me. I heard someone mention in this building to throw people in concentration camps. My neighbors are trying to get me homeless, lose my benefits and let me die in the cold on Christmas. They pointed lasers in my windows, called the cops on me for the 100th time. And they treat my friends like slaves.

Good luck in court is all I'm saying. Good luck being remembered.

There is a reason I deleted that submission. Because it wasn't mine. I thought it was caleb it looked like him for a while and I thought someone commissioned art for me. So I apologize. I removed all the places I was using it and clarified to everyone it wasn't mine.

I really felt like a person at the Oscar's giving a whole acceptance speech only to find out I didn't even win and the award was for someone else.

It was really embarrassing to say the least. But comical. So idk. I guess im just happy more sonas are starting to look like caleb. I remember the night thinking about his design on truck drive home. And I got it drawn by my buddy at the time ace. Not ace pup but someone who use to go by something else. I think uh dog barf. But when I told them what I was thinking they made it perfectly to a t on what I was thinking in my head. And caleb was born.


I've seen my character grow so much of the years and evolve. And I am very proud with my new revision. The red is nice. But I also want to add purple now for some reason. Who knows. I don't think Caleb's design is permanent. But it definitely has a rich lore. And I hope people treat him well. And don't draw him into nasty things and only cute things and nice things.

Seriously. I have had accounts with 10k or more page views and hundreds of watchers but I usually run away when my accounts get big. Even when I'm on Facebook now. My circle is small. Like 10 or so people.

It's really hard to relate to me, and I burn through friend groups pretty damn fast. I always am searching for some solid foundations, but in my life I haven't really found any. And my family my real family are all splitting apart. So I have nothing to hold on to lately.

If I seem more needy, more whiney, more attention seeking as of late, please bear with me... I'm going through a major transition period and am trying to blossom. I'm pruning dead leaves and moving on from certain people entirely.

I just want to be able to grow up and let people not be so taxing on the process. I know I'm acting different lately. I know sometimes I can be scary. But I'm growing up a bit and I would like you to all understand I love you.

One day I will be happy. One day it will be all worth it, all the struggle, all the hardship. One day it will all pay off. It's what I look forward to the most.

Just wanted to say... FA and everyone who runs this site. I see you fighting in my corner. Every since I complained initially when my side of the space was being targeted and you changed your rules to let us stay... I just. It's appreciated ok. Thank you for listening and hearing us out. Us littles. Thank you for understanding or trying to understand. That's what I remember being furry was about. Love and acceptance... Anyways, love ya bunches, and thank you for trying to understand that not all of us are bad people.

I wish they weren't trying to murder me anymore.

I have had it guys. I'm kinda really tired of it all. I realize in my life I am being watched like a hawk. A damn cyber terrorist at times. But I'm just a writer. A poet. And a stoic. I'm like Socrates. I dissent hard. And I'm dissenting right now to the highest degree. I detest this president. I realize Trump is trying to change but it's too late. He's done enough damage. He causes division. We are split 50/50 as a nation rn. And it's terrifying to witness. 50/50 is a scary precedent to set. It can mean so many dark and scary things to be split 50/50.

So please understand what a dotard is. Understand why I don't like the man. And understand what power you are constantly delivering to my front door and I'm just walking inside with and utilizing. You give me literal martyrdom. I don't want it at times I'll be honest. Somedays I feel like I'm Julias Ceasar constantly rejecting the crown. And then putting it on sometimes and letting people realize I like the status. But I really don't want history to repeat like that. My entire brain is referential humor and memes. And some of the memes that pop into my head can be funny but they can also be absolutely horrifying.

Someone needs to seriously tell me this nuclear bomb scenario I see coming from a mile away is untrue or unjust or mere paranoia. But I don't know about your dreams at all but I have had similar dreams. It scares me.

More moral busybodies. More surveillance state. More innocents arrested. More internet exploitation. More dissenters. More violence. More death. More suicide. More hopelessness. More school shootings. More genocide. More censorship.

Thanks American voting public.

I'm tired of foresight and having it. We are gonna scorch the earth and there is nothing I can do to prevent it.

For christ sakes tf is wrong with all you imbeciles. Why do you vote in the people who make this goal impossible.

Bro. The buttons gonna get pressed. It's so getting pressed.

I don't want to hear any bitching from your side about any policy decisions you disagree with when this all turns to hell again if you voted him in. Enjoy your project 2025 bs trumplets. And may God have mercy on your souls. Have fun with your moral porn busibodies. And a literal couch fucker as vp.

I seriously walk on eggshells around some furs because the minute I say one thing it can invoke an explosive reaction that results to them name calling and cursing at me when I am being kind and civil to them.

Now it's my turn to throw a potshot, some of you during this time of year act like grown toddlers and it's not just the babyfurs. Babies the whole lot of you. I've been in psych wards my whole life for the past 10 years and some of you push candidates that would have me locked away in isolation for years with no hope of seeing my friends and family again all on the basis of who I am as a person.

I'm not gonna make you vote in any sort of way ok. I'm not trying to influence you here. But I do want to say that I'm hurt by all this all the time and the comment that we need more mental hospitals. No bro. Sit down. There are way too many, and the human rights abuses there are atrocious. I should know. I have been 40 times.

Forced bandage, benadryl and adivan injections, just you have no idea the horrors I have seen and been subjected to in those places... and literally both candidates are bad. They both suck. This election is a joke. This state and city that I live in is nazi Berlin.

People build fences still to not look at their neighbors. People spit in my face, and I have had my own family turn on me because of politics. Friends too.


I want you all to know that this life has become a terrible tragedy. And all I can do lately now is laugh. Laugh away the pain.

I sad.

*pokes you back*

So let me tell you. It use to be Chase now it's Caleb.

Chase is an old part of me. Caleb is the new me.