i gues i feel like iw ant to write this down? io could do it on other places. but i don't want to i guess feel like a piece of crap to people who don't care?

so for the longest time i'd been so hard and down on myself because of something i'd done without meaning it to be like it was to a friend. they scolded me for it and i never felt good about any gifts or free stuff since then.

a while ago i asked a few people what they would do so i coud find out myself what woudl be best for me, since the same person ended up ghosting me. maybe they weren't really, but i sure felt liek it. never responded to anything i said to them or asked, but they were always coming online on other places i knoew them on so it's not like they weren't online or anything.

not until recently did i think that their scolding was kind of holding me back. maybe it hurt and hampered me in a few ways. so i thought. fuck it, i'm not going to tell people know, or hold myself back from something that intersts me just ebcasue someone told em they didn't like how i said things. i don't want to stifle anyone's creativity or desire or motivation to draw or do whatever they want if they think i am worth the time or effort.

it may sound nice to tell someone they don't need to or have to, but when i hear it, it kind of hurts me. it just feels like though they may like what i do, it's really nothing more than trouble for them to bother with stuff i make. i kind of hurts and makes me not want to draw becasue all i did was cause trouble or waste their time by trying to make something i thought was special.

so, i'm not going to tell someone not to do something if they think it is something they want to do. all i can think is to tell them that i want to see what they come up with because anything they could do for me is already going to be so amazing. it might be super nice for people to know that their stuff is liked, but it's even more special to know that someone wanted to take time out of their day just to make you something. kind of makes you feel like you've done something right. that's one thing, for the longest time, that i've felt like i didn't deserve.

not my main problem is finding a muse. someoen who can inspire and motivate me to want to draw and improve. i've had a few but those went with people that i've either seen who they really are, or were people from friendships that i ruined by caring too much i guess. not being able to leave someone alond when i start to worry about them.


so to anyone who ends up reading this pointless journal. you go make things that you enjoy, and make those you want to do things for happy knowing that someone loves them enough to want to show it!

i kind of have a need to want to write something? can't say i want a specific chacrter to do since i'm not a big writer and it's only kind of experimental.

what i do want help with is a species and gender for this charcter in the story. i might have another one in there? not sure.

the stats are
9/10 inflation
5/10 popping
7/10 small scale inflation
8/10 air inflation

i feel like just restating this because i'm kind of tired of that long journal being there.

anyways, yeah. if my art ever intersts anyone, it's always open.

you can check out prices here, http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/2dumb2die/

so ,i kind of give up on this. turns out it's too much for me to do. i've gone through so much paper to try to get these poses to turn out half as good as i'd want it to. i relize now that it was too ambitious for me to try and do something this big when i'm clearly not good enough.
i'm just not sure if i should leave this journal up for anyone to continue to get free art if they want it, or if i should get rid of it since noone really seems intersted in this whole thing.




recently i'd gotten every volume of the first part of naruto. so i had planned to draw a picture after reading each book while i picked a few for anyone to take in celebration of this.

all of the charcters for my ads for each volume will be picked from who i like, or think has the best scene in the book. these people have thankfully allowed me to use their charcters in place of team 7 for the advertisments.
the four are:
 outputt as kakashi
 quartzz as sakura
my friend nick's character as naruto
or my lyse as sasuke.

this will be happening over furaffinity as well as here on deviantart, so i will place names and which site they are on on the slots for the charcter they had picked so you guys can tell who is open or taken.

the one thing i do want to make sure is that you guys let me know which charcter of yours you want placed into the charcter from the book you had chosen!

VOLUME 1
Iruka- hadesfox FA DONE
Mizuki- open
Konohamaru- open
Ibisu- open

VOLUME 2
Lady Shijimi- open
Tazuna- open
Demon brother, right handed chain- open
Demon brother, left handed chain- open

Volume 3
kaiza- open
inari- open
tsunami- open
waraji- open
zouri- open

Volume 4
zabuza- yoru DA DONE
haku- open
gato- open

Volume 5
Lee- open
Ibiki- open
Guy- open
Kabuto- open
Anko- open

Volume 6
orochimaru- open
anko- open
sasuke- open
lee- khagra FA

Volume 7
zaku- Akola FA DONE
dozu- open
rin- open

volume 8
yoroi- open
orochimaru- open
shino- open
misumi- open
kankuro- open

volume9
sakura- open
ino- open
temari- open
shikamaru- open
kiba- open
neji- open
hinata- open

volume 10
lee- open
gaara- open
choji- open
jiraya- open
kabuto- open

Volume 11
Baki- open
hayate- open
lee- open
gaara- open
neji- open
jiraya- open

volume 12
neji- open
naruto- open
temari- open
shikamaru- open

volume 13
gaara
guy -open
lee -open
sasuke -open
sarutobi- open
orochimaru- open

so, heads up, just finally for the first time in my life getting all of teh final books for my naurto collection that i started when it first came out.

i am planning to reread every book from teh first volume all the way to the final fight while they are still kids before shippuden happens.

as i go through each book, i will pick out a few characters i like or thought stood out? and offer them up for anyone to have any charcter done up as them.

i'll post up a picture when i'm starting it, so everyone who would want to, or think it sounds liek a cool idea, feel free to claim any charcter you want whenever they apear!

just not sure if i should put up a journal as well, or just update with a new picture after i pick charcters from each volume.

leave what you think of this here! i look forward to having a blast doing it! that and actually reading the whole series instead of watching the show.

glad i got electric back, and i'm glad that it happeend like before the end of the week when the company said they'd be able to get it back up.

now to go through so many submissions and stuff that i couldn't see before.

you all you guys have been having fun, or been well after taht storm.

right so basically, i have too many people and don't know who is who, so i would love to know which name and number is to who so i can keep them, or if they have moved to another place, remove the old profile and add the new one.

just not sure if i should post names and numbers or not without being asked.

right so a week ago i made a deal that around now i'd do what i thought based on what peopel had told me. so i told the person who i guess was causing me a lot of trouble and worry over them that for my own selfish horrible reasons i wasn't going to be their friend anymore. i told them a few thigns, stupid pointless things, and then i told them that if they read it or not that the short of it was that... i forgot... but they wouldn't have to worry about me bothering them or being in their life anymore. i told them that i was going to wish them the best without any emotions so that when i think about them i will only think of the good times that i had, wether they did or not isn't my problem anymore. i told them that they can feel free to block me everywhere we know eachother as i'll be doing the same so that way noone will have to see one another again.

so that all aside(and maybe i'll be feeling better in a few days as well) i'm gonna say that i'm making all of my art half off for.... hell lets just say the end of next month? so a $10 picture will be $5 and so full color, the best i can do will be $15 instead of $25.

so hopefully it'll make people want to look at what i do more? and i'd love to get the chance to draw more art for people. they usually have fun ideas, so if anything ever interests you guys, feel free to ask about it to see if i would be willing to do it or not! and hey, you all have a great day.

i don't know how honest i am and i don't know what others think. i always feel like friends are special to me, if i was able to i would try to help them out and support them even if it's only words and i know how worthless mine are. i don't know how to act around people so i don't know if i do things okay or if i'm just a nuisance. people are too nice to let me know if i am a problem so i just can't fix a problem if noone tells me, no matter how much it might hurt or not.

my problem is, a friend i knew for a long time, i guess i don't know if i was their friend or if i was good enough to even be one or whatever. my problem is that this friend kind of stopped talking to me. i try not to get too into chatting with them because i've only ruined friendships with others i loved because i got too nervous and anxious not sure if they are okay or if something happened to them.

i'd messaged them asking a few things so that i could know when they got back if there was something i could do to fix or whatever. they never did get back to me. i can pretend like they are too busy to chat even though it was like a yes or no question. probably took a minute or two at them most to resolve. the reason i say pretend they are busy is that, they do update their stuff here. the posted a journal not even a week ago, and i checked and they are active on twitter. they are online on the few things that i do have them on as well.

the thing i just need help to find out is, if there is something i might be able to do or if they are just doing something becasue of something i did that i didn't know. i'm only conflicted about this because recently i was listening to people and they explained what ghosting was. so now i have it stuck in my mind that they are doing that because they don't want to talk. the only problem i have with that is that if they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, why don't they just tell me that it's over. that i'm not worth being their friend, that i'm just trash compared to them and that nothing i do works with what they want or expect to be done.

i guess i just need help figuring out what i should do to atleast bring myself at ease. i've lost a few really good friends and some of them have been very precious to me. it tears me apart to know that i hurt someone in such a way that they need to tell me i did something wrong but i'd rather know that what i did was unacceptable or if it can be fixed. that aside one of the few friends i lost i was i guess glad to gain back again. i used to be so attatched to them and now i mean i still feel guilty about them that i don't really talk too much with them like i used to. i am glad to know taht they do still do well and that i am able to get art from them when i am able and willing.

maybe i'm rambling but i guess i just wanted to try to explain myself and how i think so that you can help me find out what to do. maybe this is just one of those things that are blocking me from being productive because i just don't have any answeres to the situation.

so the charcters i'l be working on have been decidede, by a landslide dark http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....-Ref-621262492 goes first, and until she is finished and developed where i see her, then i will move onto Lohttp://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art/Lo-the-candy-monster-486971256?q=gallery%3A2dumb2die%2F51436441&qo=50 , my candy monster.

basically what i will be doing is, posing them how they would sit or act and how they would act around others and in their natural environment as well as how they would be outside of it. one other thing i will be working on is the people they will interact and spend time with. so even though i will be focusing masinly on one charcter i will devlope them more through how they interact with the peopole they hang out with.




also little rant here.... oh my god.. i watch a new video about an animal in a zoo...m the people that comment on that thing are friggin retarded. all like "we should put people behind glass and bars and see how they like being looked at!" or "we should shot people because of animals in the zoo!"
like... jesus, i've never seen something with so many blatantly retarded people that don't know anything about zoos.... yeah it sucks that animals are in captivity, but some of them are there because they will not be able to survive if they ever were released because of an injury that incapasitates them. zoos have also saved countles animals from extinction, as well as it SHOWS and EDUCATES people who have no brinas about animals. it shows what they are what they can be related to, how they survive, hunt, what their best skills and instincts are. it GEts people to care about things that they would normal not. like if noone knew anythign about rhinos, who would care if people hunted them to extinction?

i just.... don't get stupid people sometimes.... it's like they run their mouths before they think or don't want to think about the reality of what and how something is before they hpo on a train to mindlesly hate somethign that they know NOTHING about.

basically i want to give this a little time to see waht people think of characters i want to draw an improve and develop. i'l give their names, a little about them as well as the ref or best picture i have of them.
the reason i ask for this to happen is because i want to know who would be the most wanted charcter to see drawn. this will also help me not need to worry aobut drawing all of my charcters as well as hopefully help narrowing down ideas for them and just make it easier for me to draw.

if you guys want to just tell me which one you vote for. whoever you think is the most interesting to you, why might be a cool little thing to just hear as well.

1. werewolf girl (unnammed)
she is a born werewolf from human parents that tries to hide that fact from everyone but her family where she lets her random transformations happen freely.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....cept-509731790

2. Amy and mate
Amy, a speckled mule, is a witch that works on potions and incantations as well as making fake bodies which she can transfer her own soul into to test her expriments without harming her real body or just go out in desguise. her mate is a dragon who provides with hunting, carrying things for her, or helping dispose of unwanted false bodies.
http://sta.sh/01v8mv423ule

3. Ajax
a pouch dragon that is loud proud and enjoys nabbing gold when he can. being a pouch dragon he has a second stomach that is used to carry gold without it melting like if he would just eat it normally.
http://sta.sh/02pc0wf4rst

4. Dark
a dragon hybrid of a species i'd made. she is from the anthro subspecies. she normally looks like a buff guy, but during summer, her body goes into a period where it regresses to her darkfox form (natural born body) to grow and develop before her glands release the dragon back into her body. when arroused her body will change into a full dragon form.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....-Ref-621262492

5. Vooks
a cakehound that lives to make pastries with hooves for front feet, this one is chubby (haven't drawn him to actually update and add weight)
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....6441&qo=35

6. Lo
a candy monster that can change shape size and gender all they need is the mass to become what that is, wether a heavy dragon or a little mouse.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....6441&qo=50

7. Berry husky
without knowing can randomly fill with juice. has a garden where some of the plants had been effected by herself. she almost never notices when it starts as she drools a dark purple liquid endlessly.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....usky-486971052

8. Keza/Sydney
keza is sydney's adopted sister. they are close with oen another and even borrow clothes... even if they might not fit.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....6441&qo=54
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....6441&qo=53

9. Robyn/Kasin
robyn and kasin are two halves of one person. robyn was the body that grew as it's own person, and kasin was her spirit that grew on it's own. one day the two halves ended up running into one another and added contrast to their lives making it more lively. her(their) parent's knew that they are both their children even though they only had one.
http://sta.sh/0u6gqa9yyai
http://sta.sh/0krubavohlq

10. half taur girl (unnammed)
born from normal parents her body was in the process of forming into a taur before the growth was stunted leaving her with a longer body and a second pair of paws(arms). she can use them as effectivly as her normal arms, they just ended up growing and stopping in a juevenile state resting on her body when she doesn't use them and being covered in very soft baby fur.
http://2dumb2die.deviantart.com/art.....Taur-541542791

oh, also i'll end this whenevre i feel like everyone who wanted to give and votes has. then i guess i'll just go through the list from most to least after each charcter has been made as perfect as i would envision them.

so basically i'm sketching out some pictureds for the charcters in question since it'll be a recent updated version of them. so i
ll put up the journal about all this jazz when i get it all ready.

the characters in question will be ones i want to draw more to develop and iomprove on them so i'm leaving their names here so that i won't foget who i need to sketch up.

werewolf girl
amy and mate
ajax
dark
vooks
lo
keza/aydney?
berry husky
maybe robyn/kasin?

if they do have a ref sheet i'll just put that up instead.

totally not to cover anything up. but yeah, my crap is worth money~ who'd even think it was worth anything?

but yeah seriously. havign a lack of ideas sucks. and i find more motivation through others ideas that they'd want than i could ever from myself.

also, tell me something stupid i guess. i got nothing better to do.

i think i'm okay with these prices. i know i'm new and noone knows, so it might be too much for someone who gets art normally. but i'm gonna stick to it. wether people want to buy stuff or not. atlaest there'll be something for people to mull over now!

as time goes on and i improve and stuff, i'll be more than sure to change and update them when i feel they could.

right so. not sure just yet, but i think i want to tryt o atleast sell my stuff. i feel... like i want to or it might be time?

i'll update and make a commissions tab later but, i guess if anyone ever thought my stuff was good enough to want to pey for it, i gues then i'll work stuff out as things go along then.

hope if you guys do end up wanting to, that you'll like what i can do, and i hope it'll help me get even better as well.

i don't know why, but i guess it hit me so hard that i feel i have to say it, or atleast get it out so i don't forget.

but i think i literally just had a dream where i think me and my mom were out somewhere wether for food ot shopping. i noticed that a friend and their mom drove up and i even saw them get out. past friend in meaning.

so, they tried to talk to me and i tried to ignore them. i did it percause it was the promise i made to them when i ruined the friendship so i didn't want to be anything in thie r life even if they saw me already so i fucked that promise.

so, i gues we were eating and i saw the two of them leaving. i guess i couldn't let them go again so i was luckly able to catch them as they were puling out of the spot. so, we talked a little andi guess we did make up but i didn't want anyone else to know of that because.... iwell, promised that they would never even see me in theirn life again after what i did.

so it hurts to have had that dream. but i guess the best part about how i mention people is that i can talk about someone and noone would ever know whon i was talking about. and i don't plan to tell anyone who they are even if i think they could use al the watchers and supporters they can get. they were such a good friend and so kind and nice and they really deserve everything good they could get. i feel awful, that checking my art, that i ruined that whole thing in like nine months....

but yeah, this was a thing that i don't think i want to let go of. not after i know why it hurts and feel so special to me. i really don't know why literally now is a time when i have a dream like this. and i'd rather not tell anyone who they are becuase i don't want anyone to mention them having seen or know of me or what ever. so, if you ever accidentaly run into them, give them a watch.

so, i just thought to want to know. what do you guys think would be your favorite artists? what amkes them your favorite?

maybe, what are artists you like becasue they might do a certain thing you're into or that always catches your eye?

your favorite style people draw in?

like... i love  outputt 's stuff because it's kind of a rawry sort of look to it. it has great color and looks and the expressions as well as background and highlights really make her stuff stand out.

i like  l2edpanda and  tehbuttercookie 's stuff because they do great hips. one is more smooth and curvy and cute and silly no matter the size, while the other is more real or exagerated. but i do love hips as weird as i feel saying it, but they just look good and some peopel make them stand out SO much mroe than others, and i really do like that... and butts... too...

but, as much as i would say i love a certain bodytype or reason why i like someone's art more, that doesn't mean that i don't think that many different looks and style aren't eye catching.i guess... i just love art that is done well, wether by style or look or reality or idea or even theme!

so, what do you think?

well, as serious as a csul scrub in dank souls.

anyways. i feel like.. i can't really get myself to draw very much. and i wish i had somethign that could just make me want to draw. so i just had the thought. maybe i should try taking commissions? i know i'm really not that good, but maybe it could give me incentive to draw more often and maybe it'll help me find what i'm missing lately.

so i was wondering whoever reads this thinks if i should. at the very least it'll help give me ideas and stuff to do and work on and improve.

I really want to get myself to draw, and I know I can't think of anything or maybe hardly am good at coming up with them.

so, if you guys want, leave me an idea you'd like me to try, wether I finish and post it would depend on how well I feel about it, but it'll atleast give me motive to draw.

so, i've been getting into destiny, atleast until battlefront happens, then i might spend a bit of time until my buzz there dies out. but i've been doing more lately, and getting better gear and shizz, and i'd lvoe to know if there are others on the ps4 that would like to game together?

i usually end up playing alone, so i've never really had much of a fireteam, or a group of people to play something like this or do the special stuff there after my friend and i switched from 360 and he doesn't like destiny.

so yeah, rambling aside, i'd love to do some group stuff if people would like to do destiny things!

so, last night at like 10:30? i got home from two weeks at my brothers... fuck, i never want to go there again.

i feel like i'll name off things because i got nothing better to explain, especially if some people might not have known, or wondered about me.
and keep in mind the original trip was supposed to be last week and only one week long and not two...
two fridays ago i went on a car ride with my brother and his wife to her house on a military base where they live. there i found out that not only did i hate country music, but i despised it more than i ever did before.
once we got there, the place wasn't really too bad, but the two of them were kind of messy. where i stayed was clean, but the other places had clothes, dishes and just crap that noone tried to clean up, and the whole time pretty much the same garbage never moved. granted they moved in a few weeks before i got there, but you think they'd want to make their house clean.
after the first coupe days i wanted to go home and never come back, there is nothing i could really do or anywhere i could go on base since i don't have a card and if i walked it'd be like ha;f an hour to where ever the closest thing was to their house.
the only time me my brother and his wife did fun stuff was teh week ends, so the rest of the time i wanted to kill myself with the only thing being destiny to play since i really had no urge or way to properly draw there.
if my brother was home, we'd talk and have fun and game and watch.
if his wife was home and he was at work, i doubt i saw her more than 2 times a day....
there is like literally no food there, the onyl stuff is frozen meals that his wife made in a group while she was out the couple days. nothing else was really edible, so i kind of lived off the snacks i brought and the few bags of chips there with water bottles. the only 'fruit' in the fridge was brown...
eh.... i met their drunk friend that is like a piece of shit and horrible to be around. when he's not drunk, or only having like 2 bottle to suck down, he's not bad, we had fun talking about starwars watching it.
at the last week for a ren fair we had, he got drunk and i saw why people hate him, but my bro and wife love him for some reason.... he got so drunk, he just wandered off, and we were looking for hiim an hour and a half before theplace closed. it closed and me and my brother were waiting in the car for his wife to come back with the guy. and hour and a half AFTER the place closed i woke from sleep from a car door opening, and there he was and his story was that there were security looking the place and he thoughtthey were gonna detain him so he hid behind bushes for a god damned hour and a half before he suck out.....
my bro's wife let the security know that their friend was missing and asked if they could find him and let him know we were waiting for him. so, he's a dumbass.
we went to zoo's that were fun, even though we walked around like idiots becuase his wife thought she knew how to get around so we zigzaged and backtracked and crossed over stuff we'd already been to, so that was kind of dumb, even when i gave input to go through things and see it all the proper way.

then yesterday was plane day, and i hate traveling, so imagine how fun it is to wait 2 hours for a plane ride 3 hours long to wait 3 hours for another plane two hours long. but i'm back, so that's good.

one reason i want to is because it could be intersting to answer thigs that people wonder. not sure if i'd want to ask questions back, especially if some people ask because just little things haveme curious about them.

second thing is that i'm tired of needing to scroll down a ton on my phon to get to anything in the shouts.

so. i kind of feel like... talking about it again? however many times this poped up and kind of because i don't know what but at work i thought about them and it brought my whole mood down, so vent? and maybe if you have a story that kind of fits in too, feel free.

soo.... this i guess will be a 3 parter. sorry. least it's new content for those who might actually find this journal interesting enough to click on.

but the first part is..., well the first friend i guess..... where do i start? i guess... how ever long ago when i first met them, it kind of goes like how i run into everyone. i adore their art and gallery, then eventually creep all over it leaving comments and love and favorites, maybe a reason i do is because maybe the person is really grateful that you took the time to not only like one of their things, but to go through what they did and still love it, wether silly things, clever comments, or just love in general, maybe describing why you like something. i don't know if i know the feel myself or even understand it, but taking the time to comment on someone's stuff might just make their day since it kind of encourages them to draw more because someone liked their stuff enough to say that they did. and trust me, taking that little extra time to just say something can make a huge difference. i unfortunatly am bad with words, so if i ever try to say dumb mushy things to people taht mean alot to me, it just doesn't make sense because i try to emote through the things i say.

anyways.... they kind of... i'd say where the kind of person, or i felt we related as well as another friend of mine, who if they read this they will know it's them, that lets me take or care for chacrters they don't think they could want or care for.

we talked and had fun, and joked and did fun stuff and even talked.... she was probably the first person i ever talked to over voice stuff. i really, really liked them and nevere wanted to see them hurt in any way. so i guess things happened or i was a horrible person, as the ones taht know me for a while will know, and i was much more self loathing or didn't see myself as good as everyone else. so i think taht might have really ruined the relation, but probably also because they went through trouble and months went by when they kind fo were gone, so i was worried and stuff, and freaked out a little and.... kind of spammed them so much and i felt bad doing so but i guess... yeah. so it probably didn't help that they were supposed to do an art slave thing since i offered to pay for it twice to help them out. probably only got an hour in to the two times that should've been. and one day a thing happened and i felt so terrible, that even when they got back to me and tried to patch things up, i promised that i'd leave and tehy'd never see or hear from me again. i still don't believe i cxan be forgiven for what happened, even though it's kind of nothing, but everything to me because i take things so seriously. sop until this day i still haven't ever made any contact with them.
i do hpoe that they are doing well and that things will always get better for them when tehy are in a rough spot. i'll never stop caring for a friend that i thought was dear to me.

the second one is all my fault. they were a wonderful person and a super cute artist. i ee=ven got a few cute things of a chacrter i got from my friend from them. but i ruined everything and i always said iw as sorry and tried to amke uo for things but that made it worse until one day they just said they had enough. we both.... well they wished me luck with my art and i enevre said anything back since they removed me shortly after. so i hope they will only become better than i ever will with time. they were so nice and deserve so many good things. i felt bad about it and couldn't bare to keep the art i got from tehm, so i deleted all of it and removed any of their stuff i favorited. i don't plan to ever show my face around them either, and like the last one, i think it's rfar for the best. no matter how much i grow and become a better person with a better personality, i won't forgive myself for all the trouble i caused them.

i hope to god that neither of them ever come by and see this, wether by accident or on purpose. they don't need to know what i thought of them or something, this is where my words stop making sense so i'll stpo talking about this.
these two amazing people... i probably last interacted with them atleast a year ago. so it's been a while and it still hurts.

last one was a person i thought was my inspiration. man... i loved their art. it looked beautiful and they looked liek such a cool, fun person. so i did things, nothing bad. but whenever i looked at their art, it gave me the burning desire to draw and get better and it was so fun to draw under that influence. they left this site and i don't know why, it might bhave been a reason or because people always bashed them or something stupid. but i did more things and it kind of got better and things were kind of cool, but i wasn't social enough to i geuss try to be like social at all to them. anxiety and your biggest inspiration don't go well together. so, yeah. a thing the poseted that i managed to catch made me ask them why they thought what they did. they replied with a verbal pronunciation of angry exasperations then they kind of like ranted or somethng? so i provided a vcounter argument about the situation using facts. they got angry and blocked me after bashing me and so did i guess their weird random people that decided to drop in to do the same? i mean it's facebook, weird ass random people will do anythign without question for a pretty lady. so at the end i went onto another place i watched them one and told them that i was sorry that i ever thought that they could have been an inspiration to me, or something like that, and the alst thien i said was that i hpoe they have a wonderful life.
i wholy and truthfully ment that they did. i wasn't mad, nor bitter, just.... dissappointed that i looked up to someone who acted so... childish. and even thoguh you can't tell if i'm truthful or not, wether you see the post or not, i did truely wish them a happy life without angry or hate. just kind of a little sadness. but i do not believe i harbored any ill will against them when i said what i did and i mean it, even if they wouldn't be able to tell the emotion behind it. even if they aren';t what you expected, the best thing you can do to end the situation you were in is to give them some sort of a farewell without any anger. that way, no matter what anyone says, you know that you can be at peace about it and that the thought of it won't bring any emotions ofther than the ones you left with.

that whole blubber aside.... yeah.... i kind of felt like, i guess i had to vent this all out? put out my story about thigns that happened to me?
maybe this will help you guys decide things or think about stuff and how you've grown because of them, or if you think what you did was the right thing at the time you did it.

i think i was going to have something else here? a littel thing though, but i forgot(like i always do, trust me, i forget thing as i'm saying them!) so if you guys read through this castle worth of words, and probably very poorly spelled. i hope you guys all do well and continue to make your lives better~ no matter WHAT happens, always be yourself!
and. like i said before, if you guys have storied you would like to tell, i'd lvoe to read them, hear what your thoughts were, anything!

so.... i want to get better at the weird thing i'm into, so i would like to ask.

if anyone of you guys are interested, i want you to give me a charcter and a size, wether a picture reference for how big you want them or words(i'm not too good without seeing how big though?0

but yeah, that's pretty much that? i just want to do one picture right now so... i guess i can keep this up for a little while so whenever i want to practice on inflation i can come by and pick another person.

other than that, i'm trying to keep my mood as well as draw what i owe and shiz, so i might or might not do many since they might be inbetween pictures.

i guess they could be any charcters you want? long as they aren't from something already. like tv shows or stuff?
and going back on my word, ther could be things i have acceptions to, and that's usually like... pokemon? since they aren't like charcters as much as other creatures.


IF I CONFUSE YOU WITH ANYTHING ASK! i'll hopefully be able to make it less confusing then.

so... eh... i was born the year of the shee/goat/ram so i have some of those personality traits.

turns out when we were looking around one of like... an outside mall thing near us? they had horoscopes? or the birth sign things for montsh and stuff. turns out ont only am i a sheep in chinese calander but in the roman one as well?

not only THAT! but this year is the year of the sheep. so, i was born in the year of the sheep, and the month of the sheep, during one of the cycles where the year IS the year of the sheep.

thought this'd be a silly little thing to mention since i just rememebred it.