I know I don't write much on here, but I think it's a time for an update.

For years I was in a bad relationship that I overlooked issues because I had a role that I was supposed to fill. Everyday being being torn down little by little till a day I nearly ended it twice because of them. Not even asking what brought me here.

In my darkest time I found someone who liked what I did. He was cute, funny, and had a glow to him that everyone around loved. I reached out to him to just say hi and like your page. From that day my life started to get better with each message.

We both grew and shared the good and bad moments in our lives till that light went off years down the road where there was something more then heard his voice for the first time. My heart raced and a smile wouldn't leave my face as we talked all night. I knew I was in love with him.

Since talking to him I got out of that bad relationship, turned my life around and I asked him to be my boyfriend. I made an artwork and asked him in front of the very group he made that he brings the same life and greatness he has shown me.

He said yes.

Now we are dating and never been happier. The first time I saw that face as he walked up to me under that red umbrella I knew that was my beautiful boyfriend and the one I would love for the rest of my life.

I love you Azuri Foxcoon. I always will.

pawluvr

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60408705/

Tonight has to be the worst and lowest night of my life. Not because anything is wrong, but these antidepressants I'm on just sent me into a spiral and a panic attack out of nowhere. So many negative and dark thoughts about every fear I have. How I'm not good enough for anything or anyone. That I'm better off gone....... all I did was lay down and this hit me. Even self deletion ran through my head, deleting every social media thing I have. Worried reaching out was begging for attention making me a terrible person..... just for laying down.


I'm trying to get better and be careful on these damn things.

I know nobody reads these but for once I am going to say I'm not doing well. I'm rather scared of the future and now being in pain. My current work has given me ptsd from the things I've seen and the people I had to watch pass. I don't feel that spark to be funny and make loads of art or be the silly guy I use to be. Now I'm just tired and want to cry all the time. I just shut myself away more than I did when I was at school and still have to go back to finish as well.

It's like a weight that is always on me and I can't see if things would get better or I am just going to fail and break. Even feeling this why I still try to give others the best version of me and brighten their day so they don't feel like I do.

I'm just so tired.

Last night my mate and I argued last night not even a fight. Lots of things are going on in both of our lives and it spilled out last night. In short our house has flooded twice and going to be completely gutted and our works are crazy right now and she messed up her shoulder from falling hard on the ice.

All day we have been apart and I cleaned the entire house and went to the store for more totes to put things away when the construction crews come in. I was still mad till someone asked me how did I know she was the one. I told them every moment we were together and even saving her life when she had cancer that took our babies from us.

I lost all that anger and just had all the feeling I did when I first spoke to her.

So tonight I have made dinner took care of all the pets. I am going to hypnotize her get her to relax deeply and talking out our stress.

Im not going to hope this will get better I'm going to make it better.