My supervisor from work is done. He just told the regional manager that he is giving them two months to find train and replace him. He was told this and I quote, "I am sorry that it had to be like this. Unfortunately there are no day positions available, but he would keep his eye out." My supervisor stated that he came to the full understanding that no one cares. At that time it just hit me. I finally understood exactly why my plant manager acted like he does, said things the way he does, and gets away with almost everything entirely.

A thing the plant manager repeats over and over never faltering on a word, "Nobody likes to clean." The high turnover rates of the janitorial industry has, plus getting rid of problem employees or letting management do what they want. All the problems go away because "Nobody likes to clean." This entails the reason that I hate humanity or most of the reason that is.

Now this brings me into an interesting situation. I can do what I usually do. Not letting this complete garbage anywhere near me. On the other paw, I can change myself for a small amount of time. To get me to a life aspiration a lot faster, as well as with more ease and comforts along the way. Also the other paw brings me the chance to move into other opportunities once the time comes for me to put my plans into their second stage.

This tears me up inside. I am who I am nothing more, nothing less. I change for no one, that is just who I am. If I change and do what ever I have to. I can as stated above, more comfort and everything moving along faster. I still don't know what I am going to do. Either way I get to my end goal. Faster would be very nice, but at the risk of compromising the core of who I am. Of course as it goes though everything happens for a reason and only time will tell.

I took a job back after "parting ways" (their words not mine.) with my last job. I left the last time because of a manager. A 19 year old whom in my opinion is a complete waste of space. I was told by the guys that I worked with before that he had changed. That is not the case he is exactly the same if not worse. I have worked here for a month and he has already threatened my job 19 times. As well as telling me that if I don't have a vehicle here soon or else.

Now I thought that it would be okay and that I would be able to look past all the crap. It is an easy job and the pay isn't bad. I made a prediction a foretelling of sorts when I decided to take back this job. That things would be exactly the way they were the last time I worked there. A couple of nights ago that foretelling came true. We lost two employees from our already short staffed crew. With a couple more looking for a new job and one other stating that he is probably going to be quitting in the next couple of weeks. If not sooner, now I can't take this not again.

The last time that I tried to hold out and just about went crazy. I can't do this again, I have been looking for a new job as well as looking for options to just get out of Colorado all together. That is still a long shot though honestly it is the best case scenario in my situation. Though if things keep going the way they are I might be raving mad before then. Though knowing me I would pull through it anyways I am a survivalist.

Anywho I just needed to get this out of my head and down somewhere so it didn't drive me nuts.

Well to say the least things have been interesting. Lots of things that I want to change and lots of things that have changed. There has been a considerable amount of confusion going on in my head. Trying to work out exactly who I want to be and what I want to do with myself.

I have a general idea of what I want to be and where, but things take time and I am still trying to grasp that concept. Unfortunate as it may be I am usually the master of my own demise. Constantly not satisfied with where and who I am, which leads to drastic and usually foolhardy decisions. Time and time again it was my hastiness has put my own life in some situations in peril. That isn't to mention the countless times I have left good friends and welcoming homes, because I was too hasty or impatient to wait it out and get everything squared away.

There are countless friends who I could have not lost contact with, or was too stuborn with and now they are lost to me. People who are good and wonderful friends who would sooner have nothing to do with me ever again, let alone want to ever hear my name again. For that I feel horrible, but that is the past.

I feel that it is time for a new leaf to be turned in my life. To take myself down to my core and build upon it. Instead of falling back in the same vicious cycle of self hatred and self harmful actions. The start of that is going to be changing up my daily experiences. I have already started looking for good hiking and camping spots near Denver. Reasoning behind this being that I need to have something that is cheap after the first initial expenses, of getting the gear and kit.

I have been feeling a lot better recently, and it can only get better. Making sure to keep my spirits up and my energy clean is crutial. That is another thing, I am going to be delving back into my spirituality. I have let go of a lot that I held dear to please people I was living with. That is the next thing to change. I have 9 months left on my current lease. Near the end of that I am going to be looking for a new place to live. Be it in Colorado, or in another state that doesn't matter the move and living situations will change.

This is just beginning, my life will be moved to change for the better.