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Failure to Balance
General | Posted 14 years agoWork/life balance...it's something that psychologists talk about a lot, and you see it in the news every once in a while, but how many people actually think about it? I know I didn't, and have never had to, really, before I got promoted in March. I've always had a job, up to that point, where the tasks of the job were clear cut and, at the end of the work day, when I was done and clocked out, I was no longer responsible for work. For better and for worse, that is no longer the case - my job is one where the responsibilities are very flexible, and the salary makes sure that I'm not bound to specific work hours.
However, in my excitement over my new job (and often also as a result of my "venting" video game play when it stresses me out), I've come to find that I'm truly neglecting my home life. I have a new roommate who I absolutely adore who's a really great friend to me, and I've barely spent time with him since he arrived. My mate...my beloved Matt...I barely see him but on weekends, and even then between him and I it's a miracle if we get a couple hours alone together. And my friends...the people I care about most...have barely gotten to see me at all or talk to me since March. And it's my inability to balance that is solely responsible for that.
I'm not good at this. I've never had a salaried, management position before. I'm so anxious to do well and to impress the people who put me in this position, to prove worthy of the pay that I receive (which isn't small), that I've forgotten that I'm still allowed to have a life. What's worse is that the stress of my job has put me in a circle where, whenever I'm not working, I'm playing video games to vent off my frustrations or anxieties from work, rather than focusing on the people who can really make it better.
So to everyone who I've neglected since I got promoted in March...I owe you a huge, huge apology. Matt, you are at the top of that list. I know you're not happy with me. I know that I've failed in this relationship, keeping it strong since then, and there is no excuse for it. So to any who've felt slighted by my "lack of interest" over the last few months, please know...it isn't a lack of interest that's the problem. It's a lack of knowledge on how to properly balance my time and to properly deal with the anxiety of my job.
I want to be better at this. I long for that more than anything. I just really don't know how to be. Anyone who's had a work life like mine before who can provide some guidance, other than simply "do it right," I'd really appreciate your feedback right now. I'm struggling, and I feel like I'm drowning, and I'm going to lose the people who mean the most to me if I don't figure out something soon.
However, in my excitement over my new job (and often also as a result of my "venting" video game play when it stresses me out), I've come to find that I'm truly neglecting my home life. I have a new roommate who I absolutely adore who's a really great friend to me, and I've barely spent time with him since he arrived. My mate...my beloved Matt...I barely see him but on weekends, and even then between him and I it's a miracle if we get a couple hours alone together. And my friends...the people I care about most...have barely gotten to see me at all or talk to me since March. And it's my inability to balance that is solely responsible for that.
I'm not good at this. I've never had a salaried, management position before. I'm so anxious to do well and to impress the people who put me in this position, to prove worthy of the pay that I receive (which isn't small), that I've forgotten that I'm still allowed to have a life. What's worse is that the stress of my job has put me in a circle where, whenever I'm not working, I'm playing video games to vent off my frustrations or anxieties from work, rather than focusing on the people who can really make it better.
So to everyone who I've neglected since I got promoted in March...I owe you a huge, huge apology. Matt, you are at the top of that list. I know you're not happy with me. I know that I've failed in this relationship, keeping it strong since then, and there is no excuse for it. So to any who've felt slighted by my "lack of interest" over the last few months, please know...it isn't a lack of interest that's the problem. It's a lack of knowledge on how to properly balance my time and to properly deal with the anxiety of my job.
I want to be better at this. I long for that more than anything. I just really don't know how to be. Anyone who's had a work life like mine before who can provide some guidance, other than simply "do it right," I'd really appreciate your feedback right now. I'm struggling, and I feel like I'm drowning, and I'm going to lose the people who mean the most to me if I don't figure out something soon.
Narge Has Arrived Safely!!!
General | Posted 14 years agoI am happy to report that my dear friend Narge, who for those of you who haven't heard, is moving in with me, arrived safely from Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport late this afternoon. After a quick drive from the airport (thanks to my wonderful Dad for coming to get us while I'm without a car), we're back at home and he's settling in...with some interesting stories to tell about his trip. I will let him share those, but I have to say...it's really nice having someone else in the house again. I know I wasn't by myself long, but just having a fellow fur and friend to talk to and hang out with is really, really welcome.
Beginnings & Endings (AC Note)
General | Posted 14 years agoWell...it's over. I'm back home after AnthroCon, and to say it was a whirlwind experience is truly giving an understatement. It's hard to believe that five days (plus two extra with my beloved 
mattkraken) can be so full of activity and life. I learned a lot, got to spend some time with my most beloved friends, and learned a bit about myself in the process.
The only thing I am completely sure of is that, even after three years, this is just the beginning of the adventure for me and my mate. Matt...Matt...there are no words to describe him. Adorably annoying and entirely lovable, while making me think and showing me love even when he isn't real happy with me. I felt so undeserving of such an amazing bunny at certain times during the con, but he always let me know he was right there, even when he wasn't. I love you, my bunny, and I can't wait until you get over here and we can be together for good.
I also learned some things about friendship. I learned that moral support and caring can come from where you perhaps least expect it (thank you Orn), that tears can be a good thing sometimes, and that no matter how shitty you might feel in a given moment, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I also met some amazing artists, who did incredible works and helped me represent myself better.
Now, the real challenge begins. I've already made so many changes in my life recently. I've gotten a job that I love and that is finally a real career for me. After three years of knowing him, I've found a mate in someone who has always been so close to me, and where I never really thought to look for it. My life is good, and I appreciate every day just how many blessings I've been given. However, I still have a long way to go.
For myself, I make this pledge, that from now until AnthroCon next year I will do my level best every day to accomplish the following goals:
1. I am going to quit smoking. For my health, for the health of those around me, and so I can have many long, happy years with my beloved Matt...because we deserve nothing less.
2. I am going to improve my health and weight. Another health thing, but yeah...I need to be in much better shape. And I am going to accomplish it, and not only so I can ravage a certain bunny even better. :)
3. I am going to demand better for myself. I have always been so willing to sacrifice the things I want in favor of what I think I "need," but really, my perception of what I "need" isn't really anywhere close to what I thought it was. I have all that I need. I have a good home, loving friends, an amazing mate and a good career. I deserve better than to settle.
4. I am no longer going to allow others to walk all over me. Self-explanatory, I think. I will stand up for myself, as I have recently been failing rather badly at.
5. I will undertake an attitude adjustment. At work I am always the mediator, the one who never loses his cool and is always keeping things in check, making sure everyone's getting out what they need to say without losing it. For some reason, this has not transferred over to my personal life hardly at all. It needs to. Just because I am treated like shit doesn't mean I need to return the favor.
6. I will take a deep breath before reacting to anything emotional. Period. End of story.
These are just the beginning. I have so much more perspective after this AnthroCon, and I'm not even entirely sure why. Maybe the stars conspired for me, but I feel good. I feel better going forward. I know what I deserve, and what I need to do to be a better person, and I have never, ever had more motivation to do it than I do right now.
Thank you to all who shared their time with me at AnthroCon, who made it an amazing experience and who's presence and light in my life is a constant reminder of the good things here on Earth. You make me a better person, and I love you for it.
mattkraken) can be so full of activity and life. I learned a lot, got to spend some time with my most beloved friends, and learned a bit about myself in the process.The only thing I am completely sure of is that, even after three years, this is just the beginning of the adventure for me and my mate. Matt...Matt...there are no words to describe him. Adorably annoying and entirely lovable, while making me think and showing me love even when he isn't real happy with me. I felt so undeserving of such an amazing bunny at certain times during the con, but he always let me know he was right there, even when he wasn't. I love you, my bunny, and I can't wait until you get over here and we can be together for good.
I also learned some things about friendship. I learned that moral support and caring can come from where you perhaps least expect it (thank you Orn), that tears can be a good thing sometimes, and that no matter how shitty you might feel in a given moment, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I also met some amazing artists, who did incredible works and helped me represent myself better.
Now, the real challenge begins. I've already made so many changes in my life recently. I've gotten a job that I love and that is finally a real career for me. After three years of knowing him, I've found a mate in someone who has always been so close to me, and where I never really thought to look for it. My life is good, and I appreciate every day just how many blessings I've been given. However, I still have a long way to go.
For myself, I make this pledge, that from now until AnthroCon next year I will do my level best every day to accomplish the following goals:
1. I am going to quit smoking. For my health, for the health of those around me, and so I can have many long, happy years with my beloved Matt...because we deserve nothing less.
2. I am going to improve my health and weight. Another health thing, but yeah...I need to be in much better shape. And I am going to accomplish it, and not only so I can ravage a certain bunny even better. :)
3. I am going to demand better for myself. I have always been so willing to sacrifice the things I want in favor of what I think I "need," but really, my perception of what I "need" isn't really anywhere close to what I thought it was. I have all that I need. I have a good home, loving friends, an amazing mate and a good career. I deserve better than to settle.
4. I am no longer going to allow others to walk all over me. Self-explanatory, I think. I will stand up for myself, as I have recently been failing rather badly at.
5. I will undertake an attitude adjustment. At work I am always the mediator, the one who never loses his cool and is always keeping things in check, making sure everyone's getting out what they need to say without losing it. For some reason, this has not transferred over to my personal life hardly at all. It needs to. Just because I am treated like shit doesn't mean I need to return the favor.
6. I will take a deep breath before reacting to anything emotional. Period. End of story.
These are just the beginning. I have so much more perspective after this AnthroCon, and I'm not even entirely sure why. Maybe the stars conspired for me, but I feel good. I feel better going forward. I know what I deserve, and what I need to do to be a better person, and I have never, ever had more motivation to do it than I do right now.
Thank you to all who shared their time with me at AnthroCon, who made it an amazing experience and who's presence and light in my life is a constant reminder of the good things here on Earth. You make me a better person, and I love you for it.
A Friend In Need
General | Posted 14 years agoHey All:
While I generally try not to forward journals, this one is very important. My friend Narge is suffering from some really bad RL stuff at the moment, and is looking to find a new place to live in the Austin, TX area.
I can't help, being in Pennsylvania, but if all of you watching me would please consider forwarding on his journal, or talking to any friends you have in the area about a place to stay (preferably a furry household, of course), it would be sincerely appreciated.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2417480/
There's the journal link. I am praying for you, Narge, and I hope everything will be okay. *hugs tight*
Aaron
While I generally try not to forward journals, this one is very important. My friend Narge is suffering from some really bad RL stuff at the moment, and is looking to find a new place to live in the Austin, TX area.
I can't help, being in Pennsylvania, but if all of you watching me would please consider forwarding on his journal, or talking to any friends you have in the area about a place to stay (preferably a furry household, of course), it would be sincerely appreciated.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2417480/
There's the journal link. I am praying for you, Narge, and I hope everything will be okay. *hugs tight*
Aaron
My Commission Plans
General | Posted 14 years agoI am currently trying to sort out some commissions that I want to get done. This journal is really just for me to map them out, and who's getting put in what pictures and when they are gonna get done.
However, if you have suggestions for which artist might be able to do the picture best, I'm all up for that. Check out my favorites for the type of art styles that I love the most. Also, if you're an artist watching me and up for doing some of these commissions, let me know.
Images include some or all of the following characters:
Me - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4172498 and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5786671
Matt - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5188878 and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4172128 (prefers face from the first one)
Xandrah - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5835911
Joey - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4933580/ and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4793148
Commissions I Want, In Order of Priority:
1. Matt & Aaron (PG-13/First Pic as Mates) - Snickerdoodle
2. Xandrah, Joey & Aaron (MA) - Barrin84
3. Matt, Xandrah & Aaron (PG-13)
4. Matt & Aaron (MA)
5. Xandrah & Aaron (PG-13)
6. Matt, Xandrah, Joey & Aaron (MA)
7. Ref Sheet for Xandrah (MA)
8. Xandrah & Aaron (MA)
Unexpected Commissions:
1. New Badge for AC (PG) - Vanillin
2. New Icon for FA (PG) - Vanillin
None of these has been assigned yet, and God there are just way too many good artists out there. Hopefully I can commission some of these at AC. We'll see.
WOOT! First commission assigned, YAY!
However, if you have suggestions for which artist might be able to do the picture best, I'm all up for that. Check out my favorites for the type of art styles that I love the most. Also, if you're an artist watching me and up for doing some of these commissions, let me know.
Images include some or all of the following characters:
Me - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4172498 and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5786671
Matt - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5188878 and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4172128 (prefers face from the first one)
Xandrah - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5835911
Joey - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4933580/ and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4793148
Commissions I Want, In Order of Priority:
1. Matt & Aaron (PG-13/First Pic as Mates) - Snickerdoodle
2. Xandrah, Joey & Aaron (MA) - Barrin84
3. Matt, Xandrah & Aaron (PG-13)
4. Matt & Aaron (MA)
5. Xandrah & Aaron (PG-13)
6. Matt, Xandrah, Joey & Aaron (MA)
7. Ref Sheet for Xandrah (MA)
8. Xandrah & Aaron (MA)
Unexpected Commissions:
1. New Badge for AC (PG) - Vanillin
2. New Icon for FA (PG) - Vanillin
None of these has been assigned yet, and God there are just way too many good artists out there. Hopefully I can commission some of these at AC. We'll see.
WOOT! First commission assigned, YAY!
A Free Tail
General | Posted 14 years agoYou know, I know an amazing number of people who are purple..and most of them watch me here...so figured I'd share this with those who are interested in getting a tail...and if you're purple, believe me, it will be good. :D
Though, I should point out too, it is designed for a fox...
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2370461
Though, I should point out too, it is designed for a fox...
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2370461
Another Positive Diagnosis
General | Posted 14 years agoYep...it's official...I know those of you who I consider my closest friends won't believe this, but I am actually not clinically insane. I'm not even close. My psychologist (new) said today that I'm actually...*gasp*...almost normal.
However, this was the first visit. I haven't shocked the hell out of him yet with all the really crazy shit. The voices in my head are already conspiring against him...*cackles maniacally*
In all seriousness, though...it feels good. It felt good. To talk to someone about what's going on in my life right now. It was nice. Not to say that my friends don't help...they have immensely, and I love every one of you who've been very supportive of me in this really, really trying time.
But, impartiality and disconnect from a given situation is one of the backbones of the behavioral health field...and believe me, it's going to be beneficial as I work to deal with some of the stuff going on in my life right now.
Feeling optimistic right now. Not a case of hoping for the best any more....now, starting to plan for it.
However, this was the first visit. I haven't shocked the hell out of him yet with all the really crazy shit. The voices in my head are already conspiring against him...*cackles maniacally*
In all seriousness, though...it feels good. It felt good. To talk to someone about what's going on in my life right now. It was nice. Not to say that my friends don't help...they have immensely, and I love every one of you who've been very supportive of me in this really, really trying time.
But, impartiality and disconnect from a given situation is one of the backbones of the behavioral health field...and believe me, it's going to be beneficial as I work to deal with some of the stuff going on in my life right now.
Feeling optimistic right now. Not a case of hoping for the best any more....now, starting to plan for it.
Much Better Prognosis Than Expected
General | Posted 14 years agoI just got back from the dentist, and I have to say, I am actually *relieved*. Despite my concerns over my oral health (which is very poor) the dentist told me outright that he could save every single tooth in my mouth except for my wisdsom teeth...and who needs those fuckers anyway?
So yaaay! I'm floating on a cloud today. Now just have to keep my teeth in good shape until May when the consult and work begin.
So yaaay! I'm floating on a cloud today. Now just have to keep my teeth in good shape until May when the consult and work begin.
Current Inspiration
General | Posted 14 years ago"Get It Right" - Lea Michele
What have I done?
I wish I could run away from this ship going under.
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else.
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Well how many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right?
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'cause I can't go back and undo this.
I just have to stay and face my mistakes.
But if I get stronger and wiser I'll get through this.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down.
'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Well how many times will it take for me to get it right?
So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air.
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair.
I'll send out a wish, yeah, I'll send up a flare.
And finally, someone will see, how much I care.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
My best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
How many times will it take to get it right?
To get it right?
What have I done?
I wish I could run away from this ship going under.
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else.
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Well how many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right?
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'cause I can't go back and undo this.
I just have to stay and face my mistakes.
But if I get stronger and wiser I'll get through this.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down.
'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Well how many times will it take for me to get it right?
So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air.
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair.
I'll send out a wish, yeah, I'll send up a flare.
And finally, someone will see, how much I care.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
My best intentions keep making a mess of things.
I just want to fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
How many times will it take to get it right?
To get it right?
Writing
General | Posted 14 years agoI've decided to start writing again. I just need the emotional outlet. I can't promise any of it will be coherent, so please feel free to ignore it. :)
Comments are appreciated though, as I do submit stuff.
Comments are appreciated though, as I do submit stuff.
Fortune Cookies
General | Posted 14 years agoThese things are a staple of Chinese food in the United States. I'm not sure what it's actually like in China, but we sure as fuck have come to associate these things with every meal at a Chinese restaurant. It's always the conclusion to the meal.
My question is...the fortunes. Now normally, most companies that make these are simply putting cute, obscure Chinese proverbs on them now along with some lucky numbers...but have you ever had one that just...REALLY hit close to home? Like...that was so appropriate to the situation and the moment you were living in that it was like being grabbed by the shirt and slammed into a brick wall?
If so...here's my question for you...how much faith do you put in these? I know maybe it's silly to even think about the seriousness of them, but to all my dearest friends, who I care about so much, I want to know...how seriously should I take a fortune cookie which exactly fit not only a situation I'm dealing with right now personally, but exactly answers the single biggest question in my life right now?
Is it fate? Or just coincidence? And it wasn't vague...it's not like some off-the-wall proverb...the wording is very specific...very, very specific...creepily so.
Do I trust it, though?
My question is...the fortunes. Now normally, most companies that make these are simply putting cute, obscure Chinese proverbs on them now along with some lucky numbers...but have you ever had one that just...REALLY hit close to home? Like...that was so appropriate to the situation and the moment you were living in that it was like being grabbed by the shirt and slammed into a brick wall?
If so...here's my question for you...how much faith do you put in these? I know maybe it's silly to even think about the seriousness of them, but to all my dearest friends, who I care about so much, I want to know...how seriously should I take a fortune cookie which exactly fit not only a situation I'm dealing with right now personally, but exactly answers the single biggest question in my life right now?
Is it fate? Or just coincidence? And it wasn't vague...it's not like some off-the-wall proverb...the wording is very specific...very, very specific...creepily so.
Do I trust it, though?
Misery
General | Posted 15 years agoJust a blatant theft of an entire, older song. I just feel like posting it right now. It's what I'm listening to, and it's appropriate enough, I suppose.
And NO, I'm not being emo. Work is going really well, and I'm happy. Just...contemplative...and we all know how fucking dangerous I am when I start thinking about shit. *laughs hard* Love y'all.
Misery - Maroon 5
So scared of breaking it, that you won't let it bend.
And I wrote 200 letters that I will never send.
Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem.
You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be.
So let me be, and I'll set you free.
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl, you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine.
The way it feels to be completely intertwined.
Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know.
It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show.
So let me be, and I'll set you free.
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl, you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken.
You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun.
I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you.
I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam.
Why do you do what you do to me? Why won't you answer me, answer me?
Why do you do what you do to me? Why won't you answer me, answer me?
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
(Repeats)
And NO, I'm not being emo. Work is going really well, and I'm happy. Just...contemplative...and we all know how fucking dangerous I am when I start thinking about shit. *laughs hard* Love y'all.
Misery - Maroon 5
So scared of breaking it, that you won't let it bend.
And I wrote 200 letters that I will never send.
Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem.
You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be.
So let me be, and I'll set you free.
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl, you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine.
The way it feels to be completely intertwined.
Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know.
It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show.
So let me be, and I'll set you free.
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl, you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken.
You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun.
I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you.
I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam.
Why do you do what you do to me? Why won't you answer me, answer me?
Why do you do what you do to me? Why won't you answer me, answer me?
I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me.
Girl you really got me bad. You really got me bad.
Now I'm gonna get you back. I'm gonna get you back.
(Repeats)
The Impact of Popular Culture
General | Posted 15 years agoFirst and foremost, let me indicate that this journal entry is going to be mostly relating to something that is entirely old news – AKA, it happened Wednesday. However, being hard at work in my new job, I did not get a chance to enjoy the newest episode of Glee until early Saturday morning (consider this your sole warning – if you don’t want to hear anything about the show for whatever reason, back out now). I’ve taken most of the weekend processing how I feel about the show.
I could comment on the great music, the really awesome original songs (which were a first for the show), but as you might imagine, being gay, the biggest thing for me was “the kiss.” This is something that has been in the works for the past six months, something that the greater majority of the show’s fans have wanted for a long time. However, unlike most shows, the writers didn’t bow to pressure – they made us wait and wait and wait, and I don’t think there could have been a better time to do it.
Now, for those of you who are straight, the impact of the kiss may be lost. You see straight kisses on television, even on teen shows, all the time. What’s the big deal, right? Well, as someone who spent the greater majority of his late teens and early twenties trying to play it straight because he wasn’t quite sure whether “being gay was okay,” let me tell you – had I seen something like this on primetime network television when I was 15, I would be a vastly different person today.
And, to be fair, this isn’t the first gay kiss between two guys on primetime television. However, it is the first instance, at least that I can think of, which didn’t involve one of the following:
1. Playing up the kiss for laughs;
2. Making it far too sexually charged;
3. Making it a “comfortable” kiss for straight people by abbreviating its length or panning away the camera; or
4. One or both of the characters being laden with stereotypes so much so that they’re not actually a character, but more of a symbolic archetype of what the ‘mainstream’ thinks being gay is all about. Either that, or being completely insane.
This goes way beyond simply ‘gay is okay,’ in my opinion. It attacks the stereotypes that all gay men (and lesbians as well) are out to get laid as much as possible, and as long as they have something to bury their dick in, they are happy (which is especially prevalent in the fandom). It shows two boys who met, became friends, and over the course of the time they’ve gotten to know each other, have fallen in love. This is easily the most sane relationship on Glee (in the same episode you can see how fucked up some of the straight relationships are in this show).
This particular show has affected me in ways that I’m still trying to process. I’ve been driving my roommate nuts all weekend listening to, watching, re-listening to and re-watching the episode and the songs from it, and I’m sure she’s about to kill me. Maybe this means that I’m just a stereotypical queen who’s getting overly emotional about something insignificant. Or maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my life, I feel like being different – whether being gay or falling in love as a gay man – is more accepted than I thought it was.
And no…I don’t really have to care about what the mainstream thinks, nor should I. I’ve got amazing friends and a strong group of people who love and support me no matter how much I fuck up. But…doesn’t mean that being accepted on a larger scale is a bad thing, either. And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with who I am, or who I’ve become after the things that have gone on in my life. But, looking back over it, I do have to say it would have been nice to get here a few years sooner.
I could comment on the great music, the really awesome original songs (which were a first for the show), but as you might imagine, being gay, the biggest thing for me was “the kiss.” This is something that has been in the works for the past six months, something that the greater majority of the show’s fans have wanted for a long time. However, unlike most shows, the writers didn’t bow to pressure – they made us wait and wait and wait, and I don’t think there could have been a better time to do it.
Now, for those of you who are straight, the impact of the kiss may be lost. You see straight kisses on television, even on teen shows, all the time. What’s the big deal, right? Well, as someone who spent the greater majority of his late teens and early twenties trying to play it straight because he wasn’t quite sure whether “being gay was okay,” let me tell you – had I seen something like this on primetime network television when I was 15, I would be a vastly different person today.
And, to be fair, this isn’t the first gay kiss between two guys on primetime television. However, it is the first instance, at least that I can think of, which didn’t involve one of the following:
1. Playing up the kiss for laughs;
2. Making it far too sexually charged;
3. Making it a “comfortable” kiss for straight people by abbreviating its length or panning away the camera; or
4. One or both of the characters being laden with stereotypes so much so that they’re not actually a character, but more of a symbolic archetype of what the ‘mainstream’ thinks being gay is all about. Either that, or being completely insane.
This goes way beyond simply ‘gay is okay,’ in my opinion. It attacks the stereotypes that all gay men (and lesbians as well) are out to get laid as much as possible, and as long as they have something to bury their dick in, they are happy (which is especially prevalent in the fandom). It shows two boys who met, became friends, and over the course of the time they’ve gotten to know each other, have fallen in love. This is easily the most sane relationship on Glee (in the same episode you can see how fucked up some of the straight relationships are in this show).
This particular show has affected me in ways that I’m still trying to process. I’ve been driving my roommate nuts all weekend listening to, watching, re-listening to and re-watching the episode and the songs from it, and I’m sure she’s about to kill me. Maybe this means that I’m just a stereotypical queen who’s getting overly emotional about something insignificant. Or maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my life, I feel like being different – whether being gay or falling in love as a gay man – is more accepted than I thought it was.
And no…I don’t really have to care about what the mainstream thinks, nor should I. I’ve got amazing friends and a strong group of people who love and support me no matter how much I fuck up. But…doesn’t mean that being accepted on a larger scale is a bad thing, either. And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with who I am, or who I’ve become after the things that have gone on in my life. But, looking back over it, I do have to say it would have been nice to get here a few years sooner.
Eenyu Doing Commissions!
General | Posted 15 years agoHey all!
Just want to leave a quick note to everyone that an awesome artist who's done a commish for me in the past,
eenyuwolf, is now doing commissions and badges again. I just want to make sure everyone knows, because he is an awesome artist!
Check out the journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2065322/
There's all kinds of samples there to be seen and had, so you definitely want to make sure to check it out. If you're in the mood for commissioning, prettty please consider him! He's awesome, and very cool to work with!
Thanks all,
Aaron
Just want to leave a quick note to everyone that an awesome artist who's done a commish for me in the past,
eenyuwolf, is now doing commissions and badges again. I just want to make sure everyone knows, because he is an awesome artist! Check out the journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2065322/
There's all kinds of samples there to be seen and had, so you definitely want to make sure to check it out. If you're in the mood for commissioning, prettty please consider him! He's awesome, and very cool to work with!
Thanks all,
Aaron
HOLY HELL! WOOOT!
General | Posted 15 years agoI have the best...fucking...news...ever!
Pardon my language...but YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Effective March 1st, I will be taking over my current boss's job as Department Supervisor at work! WOOOOT! He's being promoted into sales, and I am the ONLY CANDIDATE to take his place. It's already confirmed (though still top secret, so don't tell nobody!)
OMG! WOOOOT! All the hard fucking work and 12.5-hour days has PAID THE FUCK OFF! YAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Pardon my language...but YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Effective March 1st, I will be taking over my current boss's job as Department Supervisor at work! WOOOOT! He's being promoted into sales, and I am the ONLY CANDIDATE to take his place. It's already confirmed (though still top secret, so don't tell nobody!)
OMG! WOOOOT! All the hard fucking work and 12.5-hour days has PAID THE FUCK OFF! YAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Days Two & Three
General | Posted 15 years agoYeah, I know...I missed a day yesterday. I apologize. Not that anyone's reading this bloody thing anyway. So, I'm doing two days at once. Here we go...
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1: I have too much passion for things and too little motivation to actually do something with those passions, which often times results in me sitting around wishing I could do things instead of actually going out and attempting to do them.
2: I'm not nearly as strong a person as I sometimes appear to be, but past experience has shown me that being weak gets you nothing but stepped on by those who really are just as weak as you, but are just better at hiding it.
3: I consider myself very intelligent, but have never had the focus necessary to really sort out what I'd like to be doing with my life, beyond what I'm doing now. Maybe I just like keeping it (relatively) simple.
4: I love to read, but I miss books. The sensation of staring at a computer screen versus feeling an actual book in your hand is so different. I like getting lost in the world of the author, physically feeling the pages turning as I read. Reading from a computer screen is lackluster at best.
5: I rarely have the strength to tell people what they need to hear, but I find that's a failing that most of the people around me have as well, so I don't feel too awful about it.
6: I love the water. I love to swim, the lake, and the ocean especially.
7: I'm one of the few people I know who can point to one event in my life that, if it had gone differently, would dramatically and forever have changed the entire course of my existence.
8: I delight in physical contact with another person - a hug, cuddling - doesn't matter, even if it is just with a friend. But I rarely have the courage to pursue it when I want it, instead allowing others to decide their comfort level with me.
9: Despite all the things about myself that I don't like, I know there are a ton of things to like about me, and overall I'm pretty happy with where things are in my life. I like that I try to keep a positive outlook on almost everything, even if I am crabby a lot of the time. :)
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1: Love me more than you love anything else, except yourself.
2: Have the strength and courage to grab me by the shoulders and say "Hey, Aaron, you're being a dick."
3: Appreciate my desire for my own space and time to myself when I need it, but also have the intelligence to know when my "needing space" is really just me needing you.
4: Put some effort into being with me, and don't expect me to do all the work.
5: Be willing to protect me as much as I want to protect you.
6: Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
7: Don't lie to me, indulge me, or tell me what I want to hear.
8: Accept me for who I am now, all of me, but also have the desire to help me be a better person, too.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1: I have too much passion for things and too little motivation to actually do something with those passions, which often times results in me sitting around wishing I could do things instead of actually going out and attempting to do them.
2: I'm not nearly as strong a person as I sometimes appear to be, but past experience has shown me that being weak gets you nothing but stepped on by those who really are just as weak as you, but are just better at hiding it.
3: I consider myself very intelligent, but have never had the focus necessary to really sort out what I'd like to be doing with my life, beyond what I'm doing now. Maybe I just like keeping it (relatively) simple.
4: I love to read, but I miss books. The sensation of staring at a computer screen versus feeling an actual book in your hand is so different. I like getting lost in the world of the author, physically feeling the pages turning as I read. Reading from a computer screen is lackluster at best.
5: I rarely have the strength to tell people what they need to hear, but I find that's a failing that most of the people around me have as well, so I don't feel too awful about it.
6: I love the water. I love to swim, the lake, and the ocean especially.
7: I'm one of the few people I know who can point to one event in my life that, if it had gone differently, would dramatically and forever have changed the entire course of my existence.
8: I delight in physical contact with another person - a hug, cuddling - doesn't matter, even if it is just with a friend. But I rarely have the courage to pursue it when I want it, instead allowing others to decide their comfort level with me.
9: Despite all the things about myself that I don't like, I know there are a ton of things to like about me, and overall I'm pretty happy with where things are in my life. I like that I try to keep a positive outlook on almost everything, even if I am crabby a lot of the time. :)
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1: Love me more than you love anything else, except yourself.
2: Have the strength and courage to grab me by the shoulders and say "Hey, Aaron, you're being a dick."
3: Appreciate my desire for my own space and time to myself when I need it, but also have the intelligence to know when my "needing space" is really just me needing you.
4: Put some effort into being with me, and don't expect me to do all the work.
5: Be willing to protect me as much as I want to protect you.
6: Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
7: Don't lie to me, indulge me, or tell me what I want to hear.
8: Accept me for who I am now, all of me, but also have the desire to help me be a better person, too.
10 Day Thing...
General | Posted 15 years agoSaw it on the page of my friend 
joseph.c and decided it might be worth doing. Would give me something other to do than be pissed off as much as I have been. *laughs*
The Meme:
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
My Day One:
1: I love the fact that you put up with all the shit I put you through and still seem to love me more every day. I don't know how you do it, but you do, and I appreciate that more than I can say.
2: Stop lying to me, get the fuck off your ass and actually go do something productive for a fucking change. I'm tired of your God-damned lies.
3: Wanting a little (or sometimes a lot) of time to myself isn't a crime, and I hate that you make me feel like it is.
4: I despise you with every ounce of my soul. I can't believe that I once trusted you as one of my closest friends. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve anything that I've sacrificed to make you happy.
5: You are a passionate, loving person, and you and your honey have made me feel completely and totally special just by being my friend, even though I often don't deserve it. I love you both, and I can't wait to live with you soon, I hope!
6: I'm sorry that I've failed you so much recently. It's hard to explain why I've been feeling the need to just be out of the loop so much. I am not wallowing, per say, but I just need my space for a bit.
7: You will never, ever have any idea how much you mean to me. Not in a million years. And that fact makes me sad, a little.
8: I care for you a lot, but I don't have the strength to wait around for you to be around, and for our moods to mesh so we actually want to hang out at the same time. We just seem to be on different "mood swings" at the same time, and I am sorry for that, because you really are fucking cool as hell.
9: I admire you, more than I've ever put into words. Of all the people I know, you're one of the few who seems to have life actually put together correctly. I wish it was a lesson I could learn, but alas, it seems to be evading me. Maybe in another 10 or 15 years I'll get it.
10: I'm sorry I'm holding a grudge for 21 years of your drunken ramblings and alcoholic absences, but I just can't seem to let it go, no matter how hard I try. I just can't bring myself to care.
joseph.c and decided it might be worth doing. Would give me something other to do than be pissed off as much as I have been. *laughs*The Meme:
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
My Day One:
1: I love the fact that you put up with all the shit I put you through and still seem to love me more every day. I don't know how you do it, but you do, and I appreciate that more than I can say.
2: Stop lying to me, get the fuck off your ass and actually go do something productive for a fucking change. I'm tired of your God-damned lies.
3: Wanting a little (or sometimes a lot) of time to myself isn't a crime, and I hate that you make me feel like it is.
4: I despise you with every ounce of my soul. I can't believe that I once trusted you as one of my closest friends. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve anything that I've sacrificed to make you happy.
5: You are a passionate, loving person, and you and your honey have made me feel completely and totally special just by being my friend, even though I often don't deserve it. I love you both, and I can't wait to live with you soon, I hope!
6: I'm sorry that I've failed you so much recently. It's hard to explain why I've been feeling the need to just be out of the loop so much. I am not wallowing, per say, but I just need my space for a bit.
7: You will never, ever have any idea how much you mean to me. Not in a million years. And that fact makes me sad, a little.
8: I care for you a lot, but I don't have the strength to wait around for you to be around, and for our moods to mesh so we actually want to hang out at the same time. We just seem to be on different "mood swings" at the same time, and I am sorry for that, because you really are fucking cool as hell.
9: I admire you, more than I've ever put into words. Of all the people I know, you're one of the few who seems to have life actually put together correctly. I wish it was a lesson I could learn, but alas, it seems to be evading me. Maybe in another 10 or 15 years I'll get it.
10: I'm sorry I'm holding a grudge for 21 years of your drunken ramblings and alcoholic absences, but I just can't seem to let it go, no matter how hard I try. I just can't bring myself to care.
To Become An Artist
General | Posted 15 years agoSo, the creative urge has hit me recently, and I'm really starting to feel the desire to begin working on a story that I've been thinking about for a long time. I've got almost the entire story built up in my head, but as often happens, I have trouble with thinking about the component parts that make up the story. Just to warn you all, if you begin reading it, it will definitely be a little sappy, and it is a love story, but a very different kind of love story from what you might expect...maybe.
*grins evilly*
I'm not sure how it's going to be written yet, but I do know that there will be a lot of mystery involved. Also, due to a new friend's kindness, I'm now receiving private lessons on how to draw. It's rather amazing, to think that I might finally be able to take all these beautiful images in my head and put them down on paper. I've never thought I was the artistic type. I mean, writing, yes, but actual pictures?
I didn't think it was possible, but after my first lesson a few days ago, I'm actually starting to think that I might be able to do this. It's...really interesting, to begin really thinking about the image I want to convey, and figuring out how to make it happen. Mind you, I'm not anything fabulous yet - we're just doing basic shapes and the core components of characters right now. But...I'm hoping that artwork will really become an outlet for me.
Mainly because of the fact that story writing is a bitch. I like the fact that with artwork, generally speaking, the time to completion/satisfaction is a lot shorter than it is for writing. Yes, I know, that's very instant gratification of me, but hey...maybe I'll be good at this artwork stuff. who knows. I won't know until I try, and practice, and practice, and practice. I'm actually looking forward to it.
*grins evilly*
I'm not sure how it's going to be written yet, but I do know that there will be a lot of mystery involved. Also, due to a new friend's kindness, I'm now receiving private lessons on how to draw. It's rather amazing, to think that I might finally be able to take all these beautiful images in my head and put them down on paper. I've never thought I was the artistic type. I mean, writing, yes, but actual pictures?
I didn't think it was possible, but after my first lesson a few days ago, I'm actually starting to think that I might be able to do this. It's...really interesting, to begin really thinking about the image I want to convey, and figuring out how to make it happen. Mind you, I'm not anything fabulous yet - we're just doing basic shapes and the core components of characters right now. But...I'm hoping that artwork will really become an outlet for me.
Mainly because of the fact that story writing is a bitch. I like the fact that with artwork, generally speaking, the time to completion/satisfaction is a lot shorter than it is for writing. Yes, I know, that's very instant gratification of me, but hey...maybe I'll be good at this artwork stuff. who knows. I won't know until I try, and practice, and practice, and practice. I'm actually looking forward to it.
The Power Of Love
General | Posted 15 years agoAnyone remember this song? I'm sure most of us do. It was in Back To The Future, after all, and that was a fucking awesome movie, if you ask me. It's a good message too. These lines of lyrics have become particularly important to me over the past 24 hours:
"It's strong and it's sudden.
It can be cruel sometimes.
But it might just save your life."
Truer words were never sung than those three above. At least, not to me right now. As I have been dealing with one of the most...well, hell, the only phrase I can think of to describe the last three weeks are "life upending." I mean, I've really gotten a huge new insight into how I interact with others, how they interact with me, who values having me around and who doesn't. These are the kinds of wake up calls that don't pull punches, but just BAM...right in the face.
But the power of love is both positive and negative. It's the initial reaction which caused all this "life upending" information to become available to me, and at the exact same time, it's what saved me from it. Well, saved me from myself, maybe, moreso I think. I'm not really sure exactly who or what I was saved from. I still am in the process of figuring all that out. But, the love and concern of five people in particular has kept me...well, let's just say it's kept me going over the past four days, and I want to take a journal entry to give a thank you to each of them:
Stormfront
Damn Storm, the amount of support and guidance and friendship you've shown so recently makes me seriously fucking regret the fact that I've not invested more time in getting to know you better. You have truly shown yourself as one of those amazing people who is willing to bypass all of his own issues in the aid of someone else. There are no words to describe the immeasurable impact you have had on me recently. You have truly saved my life. I thank you for that. Thank you for watching out for me. For being willing to have me hate you, just to make sure I'm safe. I only hope we can continue on this new-found path and build a stronger, better friendship from it.
My Husky
Sometimes the foundations of a structure are not strong enough, and they need to be torn down so they can be rebuilt properly. Yesterday was definitely one of those "let's renovate the foundation" days. The impact of the last three weeks on my relationship with my beloved Ricky have been far more extensive than I could have imagined. However, in the end, the result has been a new commitment to one another, a stronger commitment, and a desire to be with one another even sooner than we had wanted to be before. I long for the day when I can hold my Finnish husky in my arms, and, baring any major catastrophes, I will have that chance very, very soon. I love you, Ricky. Thank you for letting me be flawed and weak, and wrong on so many levels, and still loving me back anyway.
My Bunneh
Matt is probably the weirdest, silliest, goofiest bunny I know, but I am happy to say that he is mine. I adore the little shit, and he does far more than I give him credit for. When I am down, he can be the rock if I really need it, but what's great about Matt is that he doesn't let me focus on heartache, sorrow or sadness for very long. He's always there with a silly joke or a goofy comment or an unexpected response to one of my "Did you miss me?" questions, and he makes me laugh. Some who see our interactions might think he's just distracting me, but that's not it at all. Matt shows me the best things in life, even when the scenery is so clouded with tears that I can barely see my own glasses. Thank you, my beloved bunny, for all that you do. I don't think I will ever really appreciate you as much as I should, but only because I don't think it is possible. I love you. *snuggles his bunny and his husky tight to his chest*
Avalon Birke
They say that the psychological profession isn't the greatest thing in the world right now, and for a lot of people who rely on the guidance of someone else to navigate the very choppy waters of life, unfortunately that is true. However, I will say I am the lucky ones. When things get so bad that only an outside third party can begin the process of helping to figure things out, Avalon has always been there for me. Like Stormfront, she doesn't really care if I hate her...she was willing to take whatever steps were necessary to keep me safe. And for that I will never be able to repay her. She always is the person who reminds me that I am valuable, I am special, and I am important...and that my feelings matter and deserve to be heard, even if so many others in my life are telling me the opposite. Thanks Avalon, for giving me my voice.
Shayla Mistwalker
God knows that sometimes Shayla and I get so damned tired of each other...*laughs* Which is why her participation in providing me assistance over the weekend somehow seems surprising. I know I get on her nerves all the damned time, and she gets on mine, but in the end, there's enough there to work with that I know that she really does care about my safety and sanity...even when both are in very short supply. It means the world to me that she and her hunny, Dalan, have worked so hard to make sure that I'm taken care of, even while she's dealing with such catastrophic issues on her own. It is my honor and privilege to be able to help them be together, and I will do anything in my power to make it possible. Not because I have to "repay" them for their kindness...but because seeing two who love one another come together is a beautiful thing. It's what I hope for Ricky and me very soon. So thanks, Shayla...as much as we annoy each other sometimes...thanks for just taking a second out of what I'm sure was a shitty weekend...to just care, and make sure I was still around. *hugs tight*
Okay, so yeah...that's it. I genuinely feel that the roughest of the waters have been navigated, and now there are still a few pieces to pick up and resolve. But, I have a much better sense of where I am in not only my life, but other people's lives as well. It's this sort of clarity that was missing a couple nights ago...*laughs*.
Right now, my focus is on my bunny, and my husky, and my best friend, Joey. He and I still have a lot to talk about. But...*beams*...I got an IM from him this morning, and he called me his tabbeh. That made me giggle, and smile. I know it will all be okay. It'll take a bit more pain and a lot more honesty, but my connection to these people I've mentioned above, and to my soldier, will be stronger in the end. All because they had the courage to care. Thank you, all of you. *nuzzles and poofs for work*
"It's strong and it's sudden.
It can be cruel sometimes.
But it might just save your life."
Truer words were never sung than those three above. At least, not to me right now. As I have been dealing with one of the most...well, hell, the only phrase I can think of to describe the last three weeks are "life upending." I mean, I've really gotten a huge new insight into how I interact with others, how they interact with me, who values having me around and who doesn't. These are the kinds of wake up calls that don't pull punches, but just BAM...right in the face.
But the power of love is both positive and negative. It's the initial reaction which caused all this "life upending" information to become available to me, and at the exact same time, it's what saved me from it. Well, saved me from myself, maybe, moreso I think. I'm not really sure exactly who or what I was saved from. I still am in the process of figuring all that out. But, the love and concern of five people in particular has kept me...well, let's just say it's kept me going over the past four days, and I want to take a journal entry to give a thank you to each of them:
Stormfront
Damn Storm, the amount of support and guidance and friendship you've shown so recently makes me seriously fucking regret the fact that I've not invested more time in getting to know you better. You have truly shown yourself as one of those amazing people who is willing to bypass all of his own issues in the aid of someone else. There are no words to describe the immeasurable impact you have had on me recently. You have truly saved my life. I thank you for that. Thank you for watching out for me. For being willing to have me hate you, just to make sure I'm safe. I only hope we can continue on this new-found path and build a stronger, better friendship from it.
My Husky
Sometimes the foundations of a structure are not strong enough, and they need to be torn down so they can be rebuilt properly. Yesterday was definitely one of those "let's renovate the foundation" days. The impact of the last three weeks on my relationship with my beloved Ricky have been far more extensive than I could have imagined. However, in the end, the result has been a new commitment to one another, a stronger commitment, and a desire to be with one another even sooner than we had wanted to be before. I long for the day when I can hold my Finnish husky in my arms, and, baring any major catastrophes, I will have that chance very, very soon. I love you, Ricky. Thank you for letting me be flawed and weak, and wrong on so many levels, and still loving me back anyway.
My Bunneh
Matt is probably the weirdest, silliest, goofiest bunny I know, but I am happy to say that he is mine. I adore the little shit, and he does far more than I give him credit for. When I am down, he can be the rock if I really need it, but what's great about Matt is that he doesn't let me focus on heartache, sorrow or sadness for very long. He's always there with a silly joke or a goofy comment or an unexpected response to one of my "Did you miss me?" questions, and he makes me laugh. Some who see our interactions might think he's just distracting me, but that's not it at all. Matt shows me the best things in life, even when the scenery is so clouded with tears that I can barely see my own glasses. Thank you, my beloved bunny, for all that you do. I don't think I will ever really appreciate you as much as I should, but only because I don't think it is possible. I love you. *snuggles his bunny and his husky tight to his chest*
Avalon Birke
They say that the psychological profession isn't the greatest thing in the world right now, and for a lot of people who rely on the guidance of someone else to navigate the very choppy waters of life, unfortunately that is true. However, I will say I am the lucky ones. When things get so bad that only an outside third party can begin the process of helping to figure things out, Avalon has always been there for me. Like Stormfront, she doesn't really care if I hate her...she was willing to take whatever steps were necessary to keep me safe. And for that I will never be able to repay her. She always is the person who reminds me that I am valuable, I am special, and I am important...and that my feelings matter and deserve to be heard, even if so many others in my life are telling me the opposite. Thanks Avalon, for giving me my voice.
Shayla Mistwalker
God knows that sometimes Shayla and I get so damned tired of each other...*laughs* Which is why her participation in providing me assistance over the weekend somehow seems surprising. I know I get on her nerves all the damned time, and she gets on mine, but in the end, there's enough there to work with that I know that she really does care about my safety and sanity...even when both are in very short supply. It means the world to me that she and her hunny, Dalan, have worked so hard to make sure that I'm taken care of, even while she's dealing with such catastrophic issues on her own. It is my honor and privilege to be able to help them be together, and I will do anything in my power to make it possible. Not because I have to "repay" them for their kindness...but because seeing two who love one another come together is a beautiful thing. It's what I hope for Ricky and me very soon. So thanks, Shayla...as much as we annoy each other sometimes...thanks for just taking a second out of what I'm sure was a shitty weekend...to just care, and make sure I was still around. *hugs tight*
Okay, so yeah...that's it. I genuinely feel that the roughest of the waters have been navigated, and now there are still a few pieces to pick up and resolve. But, I have a much better sense of where I am in not only my life, but other people's lives as well. It's this sort of clarity that was missing a couple nights ago...*laughs*.
Right now, my focus is on my bunny, and my husky, and my best friend, Joey. He and I still have a lot to talk about. But...*beams*...I got an IM from him this morning, and he called me his tabbeh. That made me giggle, and smile. I know it will all be okay. It'll take a bit more pain and a lot more honesty, but my connection to these people I've mentioned above, and to my soldier, will be stronger in the end. All because they had the courage to care. Thank you, all of you. *nuzzles and poofs for work*
Dark Places
General | Posted 15 years agoHeyas all my journal readers.
I want to apologize for lazing off on journals the past few days. Between computer problems, work hecticness, and the general emotion coursing through my at the moment, I've been intentionally pushing myself to the side. It's not really that I don't want to talk about stuff. I actually do want to talk about things. I just have this nagging in the back of my head, and my heart, which tells me that it's better to be optimistic and happy, and if you can't be, you probably shouldn't say too much.
Those of you who know me well know that I'm not the emo type. But, that being said, I think we all have moments in life where emotion overwhelms us. It's inhuman if you don't have those moments. Unfortunately, I've been in one of those moments for a while now, and it's something that I'm trying rather desperately to overcome. I'm not sure how much faith in myself I have to actually do it, though, at this point. It's one of those weird things that I just can't get out of my head.
Anyway, the point of this journal is really to just let everyone know why I've been so quiet recently. I feel like I owe everyone an apology for being so out of it. Syn, you and I still need to get together on that big piece of artwork. I've been so crazy recently that I've not even had a chance to think about it, let alone get to work on the planning stages. I still want to do it though. It's very important to me. Then again, lots of things that are important to me recently haven't gone so well, so...haha. Maybe we should wait. I dunno. We'll talk.
I also wanted to take the opportunity to say how much I love my friends. The people who are there for me. I am usually the one people rely on when they're feeling down. But, I tell you what...some of the folks in my life recently have been downright amazing. Stormfront...you crazy biotch...you make me laugh even when I don't want to. And Jonas. And my Ricky...*sighs thoughtfully*...and Matt. And of course there's Tau, and my beloved sister Merlot. I love you both as well. *nuzzles*. So many people with whom the connection is deeper than grief, than anguish, than heartache, than pain. Sometimes I think I'm not nearly thankful enough for what I have. Maybe I'm not. I don't think any of us really appreciates what we have in life. Not nearly as much as we should, anyway.
And always, of course, there's Joey. My best friend....*stares off longingly*. My best friend.... *sighs and just wanders off to check out Shayla's new house*
I want to apologize for lazing off on journals the past few days. Between computer problems, work hecticness, and the general emotion coursing through my at the moment, I've been intentionally pushing myself to the side. It's not really that I don't want to talk about stuff. I actually do want to talk about things. I just have this nagging in the back of my head, and my heart, which tells me that it's better to be optimistic and happy, and if you can't be, you probably shouldn't say too much.
Those of you who know me well know that I'm not the emo type. But, that being said, I think we all have moments in life where emotion overwhelms us. It's inhuman if you don't have those moments. Unfortunately, I've been in one of those moments for a while now, and it's something that I'm trying rather desperately to overcome. I'm not sure how much faith in myself I have to actually do it, though, at this point. It's one of those weird things that I just can't get out of my head.
Anyway, the point of this journal is really to just let everyone know why I've been so quiet recently. I feel like I owe everyone an apology for being so out of it. Syn, you and I still need to get together on that big piece of artwork. I've been so crazy recently that I've not even had a chance to think about it, let alone get to work on the planning stages. I still want to do it though. It's very important to me. Then again, lots of things that are important to me recently haven't gone so well, so...haha. Maybe we should wait. I dunno. We'll talk.
I also wanted to take the opportunity to say how much I love my friends. The people who are there for me. I am usually the one people rely on when they're feeling down. But, I tell you what...some of the folks in my life recently have been downright amazing. Stormfront...you crazy biotch...you make me laugh even when I don't want to. And Jonas. And my Ricky...*sighs thoughtfully*...and Matt. And of course there's Tau, and my beloved sister Merlot. I love you both as well. *nuzzles*. So many people with whom the connection is deeper than grief, than anguish, than heartache, than pain. Sometimes I think I'm not nearly thankful enough for what I have. Maybe I'm not. I don't think any of us really appreciates what we have in life. Not nearly as much as we should, anyway.
And always, of course, there's Joey. My best friend....*stares off longingly*. My best friend.... *sighs and just wanders off to check out Shayla's new house*
Sadness & Hope
General | Posted 15 years agoIt's only 8:13 AM right now, and already I can't imagine any day in my past that's been harder than today. For those of you who aren't aware, my best friend, Joey Menna, went back to Afghanistan today. I had the honor and the privilege of being the last person he will see in the States who he knows. The last person to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The last person to tell him that I love him, and that he better get his ass back here safely. There's no words to describe what an honor and a privilege it is to be in that position with someone you love and care for so much.
But, one thing I did learn today is it's a fuckload harder to do this in person than it is online or over the phone. When Joey left for his original deployment (he was back on R&R this time), I was totally cool. I wished him well, made him promise to come back safe, and told him I owed him a beer when he got here (which I have yet to provide..silly forgetful kitties). Anyway, I was torn up a little, sure, but the emotions weren't too high, didn't stress me out, and I know that he's one of the best fucking soldiers there is. I know he's coming back safe and sound, no matter what. I have the knife he gave me to prove it.
Holy fuck was I slammed this morning after he got on that damned plane. It's a 45-minute drive from my house to the airport, and HOLY SHIT. I couldn't stop bawling. I cried the entire way home, then cried on the phone with him when he called me from his first stop. It was...just really freaking so painful that I couldn't put it into words. I was pretty strong though, for as emotional as I can get. I didn't cry when I was hugging him goodbye. Sure, I sniffled, but I didn't cry. But damn, the instant he was gone...fuck. I was a mess. A hot mess. I can still feel the damned stains on my cheeks from crying so fucking hard, and my chest hurts as a result.
Sometimes though, as I've often been told, you need a good cry. I fear for my friend, but not too badly. Like I said, he's a tough guy. One of the best trained soldiers in the world. He doesn't take shit from anyone (hence why he can tolerate my fucking ass, of course). He'll survive. He'll be home in nine months. And then me, Jinya and Cheeyote will be there with fucking bells on, waiting for our hugs and snuggles and nuzzles and all the things that make Joey what he is to us, and we to him, be it video games, music, whatever together. The welcome home party is going to be a weekender if there ever was one, and then some. It's going to be amazing.
But most of all, right now, despite all the pain, I find myself focusing on the positives. I remember the times over the past two weeks he's given me a hug, or when we sat around playing Left 4 Dead because that is one of his favorite things to do. I did everything in my power to make his last day here in the States the absolutely fucking best day it could be. And I did pretty damned well. He was somber when he left, but he was happy. He'd had a good time here, and I was a part of that. It's those sorts of things, those thoughts and memories, which are going to make the next nine months much easier for me to endure.
You know, there's a picture in my favorites from Fluke. One of the most emotional pictures I've ever seen on FA. I'm sure those of you who have poked through my favorites know it. It's not hard to find. But..I showed it to Joey. He just smiled at me, hugged me, and said "It will be okay." Those were his last words to me before he left, too. "It will be okay." I know it will be, my soldier. Because you are the strongest, bravest, most courageous guy I have ever met, and it is my privilege and honor to be your friend. And you will be home in nine months, and then we're going to have a weekend long fucking party with more Guiness and Jameson than you can shake a stick at.
Love you lots Joey. See you in a few months, my friend. Your tabby is waiting. :D *hugs tight*
But, one thing I did learn today is it's a fuckload harder to do this in person than it is online or over the phone. When Joey left for his original deployment (he was back on R&R this time), I was totally cool. I wished him well, made him promise to come back safe, and told him I owed him a beer when he got here (which I have yet to provide..silly forgetful kitties). Anyway, I was torn up a little, sure, but the emotions weren't too high, didn't stress me out, and I know that he's one of the best fucking soldiers there is. I know he's coming back safe and sound, no matter what. I have the knife he gave me to prove it.
Holy fuck was I slammed this morning after he got on that damned plane. It's a 45-minute drive from my house to the airport, and HOLY SHIT. I couldn't stop bawling. I cried the entire way home, then cried on the phone with him when he called me from his first stop. It was...just really freaking so painful that I couldn't put it into words. I was pretty strong though, for as emotional as I can get. I didn't cry when I was hugging him goodbye. Sure, I sniffled, but I didn't cry. But damn, the instant he was gone...fuck. I was a mess. A hot mess. I can still feel the damned stains on my cheeks from crying so fucking hard, and my chest hurts as a result.
Sometimes though, as I've often been told, you need a good cry. I fear for my friend, but not too badly. Like I said, he's a tough guy. One of the best trained soldiers in the world. He doesn't take shit from anyone (hence why he can tolerate my fucking ass, of course). He'll survive. He'll be home in nine months. And then me, Jinya and Cheeyote will be there with fucking bells on, waiting for our hugs and snuggles and nuzzles and all the things that make Joey what he is to us, and we to him, be it video games, music, whatever together. The welcome home party is going to be a weekender if there ever was one, and then some. It's going to be amazing.
But most of all, right now, despite all the pain, I find myself focusing on the positives. I remember the times over the past two weeks he's given me a hug, or when we sat around playing Left 4 Dead because that is one of his favorite things to do. I did everything in my power to make his last day here in the States the absolutely fucking best day it could be. And I did pretty damned well. He was somber when he left, but he was happy. He'd had a good time here, and I was a part of that. It's those sorts of things, those thoughts and memories, which are going to make the next nine months much easier for me to endure.
You know, there's a picture in my favorites from Fluke. One of the most emotional pictures I've ever seen on FA. I'm sure those of you who have poked through my favorites know it. It's not hard to find. But..I showed it to Joey. He just smiled at me, hugged me, and said "It will be okay." Those were his last words to me before he left, too. "It will be okay." I know it will be, my soldier. Because you are the strongest, bravest, most courageous guy I have ever met, and it is my privilege and honor to be your friend. And you will be home in nine months, and then we're going to have a weekend long fucking party with more Guiness and Jameson than you can shake a stick at.
Love you lots Joey. See you in a few months, my friend. Your tabby is waiting. :D *hugs tight*
This is Why Fridays Rock
General | Posted 15 years agoOkay, so yesterday was, with one minor exception...pretty much way too fucking good for words. I had an awesome day at work, and did pretty well on getting appointments. I'm ALSO helping my beloved friend Randy get a job with our company, and he has his first interview Tuesday. GOOOOD LUCK my friend!! *hugs Randy tight and kisses his cheek*
Okay, so, in addition to that, my boss continues the implications that basically, once the department s big enough, I'm going to be a supervisor. Which is awesome. But the BEST part of work today was that my boss confirmed that, because I am an independent contractor and the nature of my work...I can work from ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD I WANT. This means I can BE WITH MY RICKY for as much as I want (well, as much as the law allows) and be able to keep my job.
My boss even talked about spending several months in Cancun and working. That made me grin. I didn't mention Finland, but I really, really wanted to...hehe. Sometimes it's hard to keep that to yourself, when you are so deeply in love. I do get along with my boss though. He's an awesome guy.
Okay, so, beyond that we've got the fact that my company's FINALLY getting their commission plan in order. I work for a new department that didn't exist three months ago, so they didn't know what they were doing. BUUUT...it turns out the commissions will end up being more than what they originally recommended. We're going to be ending up between $15 and $20 per hour. WOOOOT! I love it.
And then, last night, there was, of course, DJ'ing. Shujin, Dalan and Jinya make Fridays so much fun for me, and I love our little "morning show in the evenings," as Shujin so eloquently put it. To have my best friend Joey be able to be on air with us, from the states, while he's back from Afghanistan on R&R...I can't put into words how fucking great that felt. I miss him being there Fridays, and everyone else does too. It was a great experience, and there was lots of fun to be had.
I also got asked by Cheeyote to do some shows, just me. Apparently, I'm a pretty good DJ by myself too...haha. So, I'm going to be covering two of Shujin's shows this month. That will be a lot of fun, though I still think he's a better DJ than I am...haha. I don't mind that though. He does so awesome I'm in awe of him sometimes, admittedly.
Anyway, that was my Friday. Great news all around. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend this weekend. I'm going to go spend my Saturday with my beloved husky now...*purrs and paw waves, then wanders off with his Ricky*
Okay, so, in addition to that, my boss continues the implications that basically, once the department s big enough, I'm going to be a supervisor. Which is awesome. But the BEST part of work today was that my boss confirmed that, because I am an independent contractor and the nature of my work...I can work from ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD I WANT. This means I can BE WITH MY RICKY for as much as I want (well, as much as the law allows) and be able to keep my job.
My boss even talked about spending several months in Cancun and working. That made me grin. I didn't mention Finland, but I really, really wanted to...hehe. Sometimes it's hard to keep that to yourself, when you are so deeply in love. I do get along with my boss though. He's an awesome guy.
Okay, so, beyond that we've got the fact that my company's FINALLY getting their commission plan in order. I work for a new department that didn't exist three months ago, so they didn't know what they were doing. BUUUT...it turns out the commissions will end up being more than what they originally recommended. We're going to be ending up between $15 and $20 per hour. WOOOOT! I love it.
And then, last night, there was, of course, DJ'ing. Shujin, Dalan and Jinya make Fridays so much fun for me, and I love our little "morning show in the evenings," as Shujin so eloquently put it. To have my best friend Joey be able to be on air with us, from the states, while he's back from Afghanistan on R&R...I can't put into words how fucking great that felt. I miss him being there Fridays, and everyone else does too. It was a great experience, and there was lots of fun to be had.
I also got asked by Cheeyote to do some shows, just me. Apparently, I'm a pretty good DJ by myself too...haha. So, I'm going to be covering two of Shujin's shows this month. That will be a lot of fun, though I still think he's a better DJ than I am...haha. I don't mind that though. He does so awesome I'm in awe of him sometimes, admittedly.
Anyway, that was my Friday. Great news all around. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend this weekend. I'm going to go spend my Saturday with my beloved husky now...*purrs and paw waves, then wanders off with his Ricky*
Holy Crap...
General | Posted 15 years agoDamn the night got away from me. I was going to do another AC post, but I'm not sure I have the mental capacity left tonight to actually do it. BUT, that's okay. I had an amazing day at work. FIVE APPOINTMENTS! WOOOT! I also had a fun, if rushed, lunch hour with my sweet bunny, Matt. I love you baby. *nuzzles and kisses*
I also got a note back from Desoto! WOOT! He doesn't think I'm a total stalker. And he likes the same kind of drinks I do! So yeah...I do thinks next time I meet that cute, funny German Shepherd, he's definitely getting a drink on me, as a thank you for the AC times.
Other than that, the day was pretty uneventful. I fixed my roomie's computer. She had 302 freaking infected items. How insane is that? She had porn everywhere. And dag nabbit, I wish it had been on my computer....oh wait, there were tits in all the pictures. Never mind...and no fur! *cries*
That's okay. Virus gone, internet fixed. Yet another technical problem resolved by the miracle worker (ha ha ha...don't I sound important? hrmph! not!) Anyway, gonna head to bed soon, maybe after a little drink to relax. I is a bouncy kitty and am very very happies to be home. Can't wait to get started on what's coming next...my trip to FINLAND! HOLY WOW!
I also got a note back from Desoto! WOOT! He doesn't think I'm a total stalker. And he likes the same kind of drinks I do! So yeah...I do thinks next time I meet that cute, funny German Shepherd, he's definitely getting a drink on me, as a thank you for the AC times.
Other than that, the day was pretty uneventful. I fixed my roomie's computer. She had 302 freaking infected items. How insane is that? She had porn everywhere. And dag nabbit, I wish it had been on my computer....oh wait, there were tits in all the pictures. Never mind...and no fur! *cries*
That's okay. Virus gone, internet fixed. Yet another technical problem resolved by the miracle worker (ha ha ha...don't I sound important? hrmph! not!) Anyway, gonna head to bed soon, maybe after a little drink to relax. I is a bouncy kitty and am very very happies to be home. Can't wait to get started on what's coming next...my trip to FINLAND! HOLY WOW!
AC Will Be Continued...
General | Posted 15 years agoBut not tonight me thinks.
I got dragged off (well...I was rather willing...but anyway) for some post-AC cuddles, so I'ma do that. Will update everyone on the rest of my AC tomorrow...well, I'll update you at least, Syn, even if nobody else is reading. :D
Aaron.
I got dragged off (well...I was rather willing...but anyway) for some post-AC cuddles, so I'ma do that. Will update everyone on the rest of my AC tomorrow...well, I'll update you at least, Syn, even if nobody else is reading. :D
Aaron.
AC (Continued)
General | Posted 15 years agoWell, I just got done with what probably will amount to the worst day of work I've ever had. Hahaha...and it wasn't really bad for me, I just didn't do as much as I was supposed to - mostly due to computer issues. After four days away from Ricky and Matt, my mate and my pet respectively, I was going fucking bonkers from not seeing them. Today, however, that was rectified. An amazing day with my husky and my bunny just...mrm...it brings me warm fuzzies that last for long, long times. ^_^
What really surprises me though is that, in a weekend that goes by so fast, you seem to lose a lot of it. Hell, there are some nights I can't even remember what the hell I was doing (and it wasn't due to alcohol consumption, I swear to God). Maybe it's just me, because my AC was definitely very fast-paced this year, but there are moments that I remember and times I just can't even wrap my brain around any more. It's like a big friggin cloud to me, really.
Anyway, so...gonna try to summarize my "moments." These are the best of AC for me...the times when I just really was relaxed, happy, comfortable and things that stand out in my brain like nothing else that happened. *laughs* I'm going to try to do this in chronological order, but my memory sucks, so you'll have to forgive me.
WEDNESDAY
I feel really lucky that I got to go down so early. My employer was REALLLLY great about giving me time off, and I just wanted to get there as fast as possible. That, and my beloved best friend, Joey Menna, was there with me. God, it was so great to have him home...it's been hard, these last three months, with him being gone to Afghanistan...fucking terrible at times, but okay at others. It was just great to see him and hug him and know that he's safe.
BUT, that wasn't the big thing. I got the honor and privilege of being the first "AC meeting" for Synwolf and her sweetie, Pookin. THAT was fucking awesome. And it was totally random that, about an hour out of Pittsburgh (driving), I remembered that "Hey, guess what, Syn's already in town!" And it was in the nick of time too. If I hadn't remembered, we would have missed her and not had a chance to go to Primanti Brothers for dinner. It was a great experience, and Syn and Pookin are so cute...though, I had a really hard time not hugging Pookin. I mean, let's face it, Syn...you have a REALLY adorable mate. *giggles*
But, after dinner it was some random shopping for necessities, and then I was off to the internet room for my volunteering...which, funny enough, I'm not going to get credit for. I didn't have time this weekend to chase down Tigerwolf for his signature, but I dun really care. He was great, and so was everyone over there at the Internet room...except for one person who I'd never met before. He was a putz. But that's okay. Putzes abound in this world, I've learned.
THURSDAY
Joey and Shayla get biiiiig props from me for managing to stay up and endure the night with me. They weren't there constantly, and ran around and did their own things, but it was great having the two of them hanging out with me. Shayla introduced me to this one realllly cute friend of hers, who's name I can't remember to save my damned soul. But boy did he have a sense of humor. It was awesome, and the only time I laughed harder all weekend was at 2's show.
After the internet room, I was freaking beat. But, this is one of those vague times I don't remember all that well...*laughs*. Thursday morning is fuzzy for me, either from exhaustion or any other number of circumstances. I remember food. I remember having to begin chasing down vehicles (and people at the airport). But yeah...Thursday was friggin insane for the riding back and forth from the airport. But it was a labor of love. I'd do ANYTHING to help my fellow conspirators enjoy AC, and a day of driving through Pittsburgh was a small price to pay.
Though, it was funny as hell when we couldn't find the Doubletree. My GPS sucks in downtown Pittsburgh. The cute boy Jazzy brought along was great though, and I owe Bryan (if that's his real name...he may have been too scared to actually give me his real one) a big hug and a thank you for being so cool and laughing with us as we drove around aimlessly for an hour trying to find the hotel. Gotta love those random strays. And thanks Jazzy for bringing him along! I will always remember the green hair...as it went running from the car in fear of my flirtiness. :D
The rest of Thursday was pretty calm mostly. I was so happy to see Jinya and Padu united for the first time. Two to three years of being a couple in SL, and they meet for the first time at AC. It was...fucking amazing. The aura between those two is incredible. I am so, SO very happy for my two dear friends, and I am thankful that they let me be a part of that. Thank you both so, SO very much!!! *huggles tight*
Okay...holy fuck..I type too fast. My fingers are tired. LOL! Gonna take a break, get some foods, and I will finish (or maybe continue...depends how detailed I get) this journal entry in a bit. And thanks for the commment Syn!!!! ^_^
What really surprises me though is that, in a weekend that goes by so fast, you seem to lose a lot of it. Hell, there are some nights I can't even remember what the hell I was doing (and it wasn't due to alcohol consumption, I swear to God). Maybe it's just me, because my AC was definitely very fast-paced this year, but there are moments that I remember and times I just can't even wrap my brain around any more. It's like a big friggin cloud to me, really.
Anyway, so...gonna try to summarize my "moments." These are the best of AC for me...the times when I just really was relaxed, happy, comfortable and things that stand out in my brain like nothing else that happened. *laughs* I'm going to try to do this in chronological order, but my memory sucks, so you'll have to forgive me.
WEDNESDAY
I feel really lucky that I got to go down so early. My employer was REALLLLY great about giving me time off, and I just wanted to get there as fast as possible. That, and my beloved best friend, Joey Menna, was there with me. God, it was so great to have him home...it's been hard, these last three months, with him being gone to Afghanistan...fucking terrible at times, but okay at others. It was just great to see him and hug him and know that he's safe.
BUT, that wasn't the big thing. I got the honor and privilege of being the first "AC meeting" for Synwolf and her sweetie, Pookin. THAT was fucking awesome. And it was totally random that, about an hour out of Pittsburgh (driving), I remembered that "Hey, guess what, Syn's already in town!" And it was in the nick of time too. If I hadn't remembered, we would have missed her and not had a chance to go to Primanti Brothers for dinner. It was a great experience, and Syn and Pookin are so cute...though, I had a really hard time not hugging Pookin. I mean, let's face it, Syn...you have a REALLY adorable mate. *giggles*
But, after dinner it was some random shopping for necessities, and then I was off to the internet room for my volunteering...which, funny enough, I'm not going to get credit for. I didn't have time this weekend to chase down Tigerwolf for his signature, but I dun really care. He was great, and so was everyone over there at the Internet room...except for one person who I'd never met before. He was a putz. But that's okay. Putzes abound in this world, I've learned.
THURSDAY
Joey and Shayla get biiiiig props from me for managing to stay up and endure the night with me. They weren't there constantly, and ran around and did their own things, but it was great having the two of them hanging out with me. Shayla introduced me to this one realllly cute friend of hers, who's name I can't remember to save my damned soul. But boy did he have a sense of humor. It was awesome, and the only time I laughed harder all weekend was at 2's show.
After the internet room, I was freaking beat. But, this is one of those vague times I don't remember all that well...*laughs*. Thursday morning is fuzzy for me, either from exhaustion or any other number of circumstances. I remember food. I remember having to begin chasing down vehicles (and people at the airport). But yeah...Thursday was friggin insane for the riding back and forth from the airport. But it was a labor of love. I'd do ANYTHING to help my fellow conspirators enjoy AC, and a day of driving through Pittsburgh was a small price to pay.
Though, it was funny as hell when we couldn't find the Doubletree. My GPS sucks in downtown Pittsburgh. The cute boy Jazzy brought along was great though, and I owe Bryan (if that's his real name...he may have been too scared to actually give me his real one) a big hug and a thank you for being so cool and laughing with us as we drove around aimlessly for an hour trying to find the hotel. Gotta love those random strays. And thanks Jazzy for bringing him along! I will always remember the green hair...as it went running from the car in fear of my flirtiness. :D
The rest of Thursday was pretty calm mostly. I was so happy to see Jinya and Padu united for the first time. Two to three years of being a couple in SL, and they meet for the first time at AC. It was...fucking amazing. The aura between those two is incredible. I am so, SO very happy for my two dear friends, and I am thankful that they let me be a part of that. Thank you both so, SO very much!!! *huggles tight*
Okay...holy fuck..I type too fast. My fingers are tired. LOL! Gonna take a break, get some foods, and I will finish (or maybe continue...depends how detailed I get) this journal entry in a bit. And thanks for the commment Syn!!!! ^_^
