Will be hard to get a hold of for the next few weeks. Only able to get online from time to time instead of being on 24.7 ^.^

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5263072/

Say nice gets, possibly get something in return!

Need to clean up my work email, which takes time... soooo... mff meme time i guess

when will you be there?
Thursday afternoon to Monday morning

do you art?
No

do you hug?
yes

can i follow you places?
if i already know you well, or i invite you

alcohol?
Yes

how to get my attention?
yell my name a whole bunch of times. there's a decent chance I'll miss it the first time



will that didn't take long and i still have thousands of worthless emails to delete....

i always feel so neglectful of fa. active on Twitter and stuff, but rarely comment or post over here.

so, I'll do a tmituesfay thing here. ask me things and get your answers.

awesome con.
many hugs.
Many hugs I was too shy to ask for.
A few snugs.
someone randomly bit me during a hug, and I have a bruise.
I was a kitty a bunch.
I think I learned that I'm awkward and can't keep a conversation going for more than 15 minutes with most people, which is why I bounce around so much at cons, but prefer just chilling with people. need to get better at that.
I didn't buy anything.
I drank a bunch and it was fun.
I want to be in the con hotel next year.
yeah, exciting journal >.>

What days will you be there?
Friday afternoonish to monday morning

Can I follow you places?
If they are in a public space, yes. If it's a private gathering, preferably not unless you are invited

Can I hug you?
YES. VERY YES.

Can I more than hug you?
>:c

Best way to reach you?
Twitter: Dethbox
Skype/AIM: ssj42taildgohan
Text: only if you already have my number

How to get your attention?
Yell Deth (or Smiley if I'm in suit) A whole bunch of times. I often don't hear the first few >.<

Ya drink?
Yup

So, I had a silly idea for arts. Role reversal gives me a case of the gigglies, and via conversation I had the thought of A bunch of pooltoy or otherwise inflatable furs playing volleyball with me (as the ball) and being terrified of my teefs popping them (as opposed to a ball being afraid of being popped by all the claws). As this would be a multi-character image, I wouldn't be wanting to pay for all this myself. Would anyone be interested in going in on this with me?

If I get enough interest, I'd start looking into an artist (Unless someone good at that style of art reads this and wants to offer?). I wouldn't let the cost go over $20/person.

So, there's this MFF con thing happening. And my good friend  uteki was all "I GOT A ROOM IN CASE I WANNA GO!" So I was all "Awesome, I'll join ya!" and then  twitchytigs was all "ho what up, I'ma take a bed spot too, yo!" (she's secretly black sometimes, but don't tell her I told ya)

But now we're starting to get close to the con (3 months away, ish?) and need a fourth to fill up the room. Have a preference for people we know, but the only real rules are "Be a courteous person"

EDIT: looks like a 4th has most likely been found.

I don't feel like working atm, so have a meme

which hotel?
main

when?
Friday to Sunday

do you art?
no

can I hug you?
if you are clean and not smelly I request you do

can I buy you drinks?
I'd be surprised if you did, but would welcome it

can I follow you around like a lost puppy?
as long as I at least sort of know you

food?
if I invite you, join in. if you invite me, I might join

how to address me:
yell Deth (and/or smiley if I'm in suit) a whole bunch of times. I usually miss the first few because I'm a derp.

contact?
Twitter - dethbox
Skype/aim - ssj42taildgohan
phone - if you already know it
all three filter the same way, so no one method is vastly superior. Twitter is slightly lower on the list.

www.furaffinity.net/journal/4930204/

some guy I sort of know who does neat art things is looking to do art things for you (so he can buy food) go buy art!

Someone backed out of my room, so I have one open spot. Anyone (preferably someone I actually know) want to go and need roomspace?

Just putting a warning out there. The next two weeks are going to be me working lots of extra hours to catch up on work. A few projects ran long for me, and now I'm rather behind. A co-worker also just put in his 2 week's notice. Which means his work will be redistributed. Which means I'll have more work, on top of my already full schedule. I'm going to try to keep myself in the best of spirits, but I pre-apologize if snap at anyone of the next few months. Just keep in mind I'm going to be working long hours at a job I don't like. Sorry if I slip into full on grumpy kitty mode at any point >.>

I swear. it's a lie. Just your imagination or something. This journal isn't real. Please be on your way, now.



random meme thing go answer questions if you feel like it:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you love me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why.
6. Describe me in 1 word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13. Would you meet up with me?
14. Do you enjoy having me as a friend?
15. Would you spend some quality time with me?

Stayed till tuesday. Not sure if I want to do that again. sunday night was awesome. monday early afternoon was fun getting to say a sober goodbye to people. monday evening was real boring, and sleepy. Tuesday was packing and driving and that was about it.

Overall the con was awesome. I'm not naming people, because I'm bad at names. I WILL forget people, then I'll be sad that I made someone else sad. But I met a LOT of awesome people. Got to re-meet even more awesome people that I haven't seen in a long time. I got a non-fur friend to very seriously consider going to more furcons because he had such a great time. I learned Monster still makes me queasy and dizzy. So I need to stop drinking monster. It ruined a chunk of my friday.

I BOUGHT A STICK! I hope pix of me in suit with it end up online so I can show it off.

I was a kitty so often. It was awesome. Much more than I've ever been a kitty before. Turns out my feety paws start hurting after about 2 hours. That didn't stop me from going for 5 or more in them.

I request people link me to pix so I can see and fave me being a kitty ^.^

when will you be there?
Thursday to Tuesday

Where are you staying?
Westin

Can I hug you?
YES! ... just don't be smelly

Can I talk to you?
yes! I'm awful at small talk though, so please have a topic handy, or it'll be incredibly awkward.

Do you art?
nope

Can I buy you things/drinks?
I don't know why you would, and I probably argue it. if eventually give in if you were adamant!

Do you party?
alcohol party yeah!

Can I follow you around (to food, room, etc)?
if I know you, sure. if not... we'll see :3

How to address you?
yell Deth a bunch of times. I swear I'm not ignoring you on purpose of I don't respond, I'm just usually lost in my own world XD

best way to reach you?
twitter (@dethbox) or aim/Skype (ssj42taildgohan) are both pretty reliable ways of contracting me.

I always giggle to myself upon uploading a series of pix, and seeing a few certain people favorite EVERY SINGLE ONE. You guys know you are, and I <3 you all for it :D

I am seeing so many spam raffles. contemplating being a Derp and making this an official raffle journal. I just go back and keep editing it with whatever new raffles I see that look interesting, abs lining to this journal always. I mean, they don't say out has to be /New/ journal, right? most of them won't even notice the date anyway XD

I'd get chances at free art, and I wouldn't have to spam everyone that watches me!

never did a tmit on fa. whatever. see how it ends up over here. usually just mention it once a month on Twitter, and then get 0 responses. see if I get manage to get into the positive over here XD

or you can ask anonymously at ask.fm/aboxofdeth

Thanks for the comments on previous journal. Kind of relieving to hear I'm not alone among some of my friends. Still don't quite feel like everything makes sense, but it's comforting knowing I'm not alone. This journal is mostly just to get the other one off the front page, since I usually only post journals once every few months XD

I suppose I should start thinking about room plans for FAU. AC and FurFright are already covered. MFF is /probably/ covered. FAU hasn't been thought about yet.

Hmm... more people have an interest in my life, this'll be weird if people actually read this, instead of just like 3 or 4 or so this time. Most of you can, and should probably just ignore this XD


I don't even know where to start this one. I guess my personal issues with being in relationships. I can't deal with the "obligations" of being in a relationship. As soon as a title is attached to whatever is going on, my brain tells me everything someone is doing for me is because they are obligated to, and not because they want to. And if a "they want to" escapes, it's because they are obligated to want to. It scares the crap out of me. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me cringe at every little thing that is done for me. It terrifies me. I feel like everything they do becomes for me, about me. It causes all kind of issues, and I push them away. As much as a relationship would be neat, I feel like I'm happier single. It's weird, but it's somehow more stressful than anything to be in a relationship with someone?

I've somehow been made to feel bad that I'm not overtly sexual. A barrage of people telling me that because I don't have regular sex, I'm wrong. I'm just wrong. The media, the fandom, TV, non-fur friends. Everything always seems to boil down to sex. Conversations end up there far too often. I'm generally not afraid to answer questions asked of me about it, but I never advertise about it. I never just suddenly come out and be like "I AM DOING ADULT THINGS, EVERYBODY! ISN'T THAT SEXY?!?!?" I don't understand the need to do that. I somehow feel alone in thinking that stuff is supposed to be more private, and less jammed down your throat (wording used purposely lolol). I see people who aren't even 18 yet talking about sex and other adult stuff to such a high degree, that I feel like I've somehow wronged my past self? At that age, those thoughts were absolutely not anywhere to be found for me. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer? I'm that poor high school girl who didn't get her breasts until she was 16, when all the other girls were fully boobified at 13. Except instead of boobs, it was my sex drive that took forever.

Maybe I just have more control over my urges than most people? Maybe I don't have the urges that other people have? I don't know, but it bothers me. I don't understand flirting. At all. There were apparently like 6+ people hitting on me at FCN. I didn't know about this until I was told afterwards. And these were just the ones one friend observed. I mean, unless they are blatant about it, I'm just like "Oh neat! A nice person!". The flip side of that, I'm a nice person. I don't know how often people think I'm flirting with them, when I'm honestly just being a decent human being. I probably send mixed signals to a ton of people.

I've had multiple people ask me out. Most of which I only have friendship feelings for. I barely have any hints of anything more at best. I destroy those thoughts subconsciously before they can get out of control. I've come to the conclusion that for me, gender is pretty much completely irrelevant. I'm more about personality than anything. I barely care about looks. I only care about them in that there are a few body styles that can imply the personality I might like. I constantly find people asking me to rate people on their attractiveness, and I'm just like "uhh.... what? What is 'attractive'?" and then they put me down because I don't think the same way they do.

I can't look at someone and just go "I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THAT!" ... how does that even happen? You don't know where that's been. You don't know if there's any diseases. If given the chance, would you? Would you actually tap that? If every person you saw in the public area came up to you and offered you sex, would you accept all the offers? Because you sure implied you would. I've been made to feel wrong that I don't want to sex everything.

How many people treat sex as the absolute number 1 in their life? Look how many images on FA have "THAT IS SEXY. I WANT TO SEX THAT!" types of comments. Is there a limit to how desperate you are? Have you just never had sex and thus you just lust after everything and everyone until you get it? Desperation is not an attractive trait to most. I see people who have entire galleries full of X rated commissions, and then I see them say "I can't wait until I actually get to have sex!" ... I'm just like "...whut? .... WHUT?!??". You flirt with them a bit, and they'll do anything for you. They just want attention. But somehow I've been made to feel wrong that I can think at a level that isn't "sexsexsexsex"

Truth is really important to me. I try to follow through with everything I say. I try to stick to plans. Yes, I know I'm not perfect at everything, but I feel like I'm better than most. I like being reliable. I like being dependable. If you ask me a question and I answer it, you have like a 95% chance that it is 100% accurate to the best of my knowledge. A lot of people don't believe me when I say things, and it kind of makes me sad, but truth is stranger than fiction.

I'd like to get better at art, but it's one of the few things I have 0 patience for. I just want the art to magically come out good. My brain is logic aligned. I don't work on the art side of things. Anything beyond doodles just frustrates me. I can't make the images in my head happen on paper. Maybe some day long in the future I'll have the patience for art thing, but not any time soon for sure.

If you ever want to put me in a bad mood, make fun of my food tastes. It's one of the fastest ways to kill my mood, and ruin my meal. It's not my fault things taste bad to me or feel bad in my mouth. I can't just magically enjoy things that make me want to vomit. If you point out me requesting certain things be not on my sandwich, or not having my burger cooked to your favored temperature, FUCK. YOU. seriously. just shut up. You won't change my mind, and all you do is ruin my mood and my meal. Let me enjoy the few food I can. Imagine that one food you don't like. Now imagine if 50% of everything you ate tasted like that one thing. That is my life. You quickly grow weary of EVERYTHING when every other thing you eat just tasted awful.

The short take home version of this is don't make me feel wrong for my personal choices and tastes. It destroys what little self confidence I have, and just make me slowly start despising you. This goes for absolutely everything.

I guess that's enough for now. There will be another one of these in 4, 5, 6 months or so when all my thoughts bottle up and need to come out again ^.^

sure why not. might as well go for it

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4600903/

Anyone ever commission something that wasn't supposed to be done in a timely manner. Not write it down. Then forget about it entirely. then SUDDENLY. ART!

I think I have like 3 arts that I've done this with now. All of them rather cheap. I suppose I could go through my paypal and find them all, but that's just not as much fun, is it?

Here's some more photos.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/c7nqn025.....l99/wRbXCvvF22

Be on the lookout in the future for  sibelion to be uploading the edited version of the photos! (these are just the quick raw JPGs)

Raffley thingy with art rewards! Good ones!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4540617/


Free art! Dude just wants to draw and has run out of ideas :(
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4404703/

Now comes the time where I try to piece together my weekend and recount all the good times. At least, those of which I can remember XD

FIRST: If anyone has pix of me as smiley. LET ME KNOW! POINT ME TO THEM! :D

Pre-gamed for the con wednesday night with  uteki_kiyuu  sibelion  twitchytigs and The Captain (who was a grumpyface all night). Tigs and sibe left thurs morning. Teki, Captain & I headed out to the airport and we started on our way. I'm dumb, I forgot to pack so many things, like my phone charger and a freaking jacket of any sort >.< Luckily we didn't have to stand outside much. Our airplane even had an arctic fox on it! It's like they knew where we were going! It was weird. Was the first time I flew without a family member sitting right next to me, and the three of us were scattered. When we landed, we met up with Ty Fusky. He ended up being a cool guy to randomly meet up with, and end up giving a ride to the con. We planned to rent a car. LUCKILY they were out of cars, and we got an SUV instead. Ty had TWO suits, me and teki each had one as well. No way we'd have fit it all in a compact car!


Got to con space at like 3, and met up with  bigtig and  -ash at taco bell. I realized I hadn't eaten anything all day. Yup, I'm a dumb cat. Got back and met up with  benignfeline and wandered con space with him for a bit. He introduced me to a bunch of people he knew that I forget most of their names XD. I still don't actually know what that jaguar is like sober. He was drunk by the time I got there, and didn't sober up until he was on his way home! Left him, and went to be a derpy big tooth kitty for a bit. Found my way to  nexusfolf to give big dumb teeth kitty hugs, and she drove us to get alcohol! I got back to the con, enjoyed my drink. Shared the wealth. And realized I never ate dinner! I got to watch señor jaguar act a fool for a bunch of a bunch of non-furs at the hotel bar. He gave all of them animals, and the one lady kept touching him. He did announce he was a stripper, so it's probably his own fault :p Ended up hanging with  rrowdybeast and Ice Wolf a bit that night, too. I think that's all I did. The night gets fuzzy from there. But I did make it back to the room and passed out on the bed, in the spot  wolfpupTK specifically claimed earlier, since he wasn't back in the room yet. whoops >.>

Friday, teki captain and I went on an adventure. We were thinking about going for the magical Tim Horton's. Everyone says it's so great, but there's none around us. We drove in a random direction, pulled into a random parking lot, and couldn't decide what to eat. It was between TH and Dunkin. We look up TH on the GPS, and apparently we were right there. We saw a wendy's, a pancake shop, bajafresh, I tihnk a subway, but no TH anywhere. Settled on a DD that was like 5 miles out of the way XD. Got back, kitty-derped for a while. Got some pix from Abrahm. Can't wait to see how those came out! Tried to play rock band in suit, but that was a miserable failure. Got con sponsor suite food. Bounced around friends at a very rapid pace. Walked to Meijer's with Djaguar, and picked up some watermelon vodka and strawberry banana juice. Made a decent combo! Saw  imaginaryskye  sozanryker and so many more that go along with them, like sheepdust, yapkat, pianowolfie (are those the FA names?.... >.>) as well as Jake( i'm going through so many names for one silly little jaguar... PICK ONE ALREADY!), fen, ice, and met woodymutt, and there was another ice, icefox. Silly ice canids. .. I think there were more. I'm terrible at names.  peppercoyote gave me some pepper(mint)shots. SURPRISE i realized I forgot to eat dinner again. (Notice a running pattern?) I ended up hanging out with bigtig and ash again in some random room. We played a bit of cards against humanity. Followed back to bigtig and ash's room. All I remember is I laid down on their pullout couch bed to rest, and then suddenly it was 7am. I was half off if it, and my back hurt for a few hours into saturday from sleeping at such a terrible angle XD

Saturday, finally got to really meet  lyonlover. Saw him on friday, but only briefly. Another cool guy. He was wearing a YCH "suit" which was really awesome. I ... may have gotten a picture with it that will be uploaded eventually XD. I spent most of the day bouncing around with all of the previously mentioned people, and even more. My tail became the center of attention, regardless of if I was wearing the rest of the suit or not XD. Fen and woody couldn't leave it alone. I actually remember and forced myself to eat dinner! And then I went and got drunk anyway. Went to the dance comp WHICH WAS AMAZING. You guys really rocked it! Ran into a fur from the area I grew up in (which is the middle of nowhere XD). Ended up at the rave, watching over Fen to make sure he didn't overheat, and ended up in like a half hour long spinning hug with woodymutt. Nice tight hugs were fun, but at level of alcohol, spinning got a bit woozy XD

Sunday was a day of pretending to recover. Putz'd around the lobby for a few hours while waiting to leave. I had a great con, but that much lack of sleep and drinking had me ready to just go home. Hung out with a bunch of people. Gave so many hugs goodbye. Wished Kiwa a happy birthday XD Finally picked up my  chibi-marrow badge. Ordered it for at con pickup, but couldn't find her until a half hour before I left the con. Art is amazing on it! Just wish I'd gotten it friday instead of sunday :x

Other random thoughts:
Fen stealing my smiley badge and wearing it on his crotch all weekend
watching Pepper ruin all the lyrics to his songs at the concert, while shia sat there straight faced playing the bass
BERZERKER BARRAGE
I got to hug spazz! He smelled like maple syrup
I didn't pick up much swag. I never really seem to. Just a few stickers and another marymouse poster, and some certified tags.
Thanks to ice wolf for holding onto the one tag I dropped and had no idea.
I met so many amazing people, and want to hang out with all of you again! If any of you are ever in the philly area, let me know! I have couch space! My roommate will just have to deal with meeting more new awesome people XD