The man that killed my mother was sentenced Friday, May 3rd, 2013.

http://www.wsiltv.com/news/local/Ha.....206023541.html

I'm conflicted, and weary, as well as unhappy.

Only 14 years. He should have gotten more, but the way the laws are written the only sentance the judge could hand down that wouldn't get contested was a single 14 yr sentence.

That's not counting any other charges he might have.

I don't know. I'm weary of it, and a bit disgusted. The good thing is he won't be on the road for the next 11 years at least.

Last year about this time I was in shock. I really wish this was an April Fools prank, but it's not.

http://www.kfvs12.com/story/1730684.....1-near-tamaroa

Earlier in the day, I was installing a brake booster in my Eclipse when Ashley came out saying Frankie had called. Mom and Dad were in an accident and mom's hurt real bad. We wasn't sure what was going on, we piled into my brother's truck and hauled ass to the accident site, praying it was an April Fools.... But when you show up and there are a line of emergency vehicles it's a bit hard to think it's a joke. A white Chevy truck sat in a field, caked in mud, the top crumpled to the right. Weaving through the people we saw bikes on their sides. One of the riders still laying on the ground, paramedics around him. I stayed back for a bit to watch my niece. Some one came back to the truck to let me go. I stepped out of the truck to hear my older brother screaming, several people holding him back. He had seen Momma being loaded into an ambulance, and shortly afterwards, he spotted the individual responsible. I've never seen pure rage such as that.

I remember speaking to others, the ones where in the accident. I tried to do what I normally do, and default to joking, and being optimistic, saying momma's strong, she'll pull through. But Thinking of what I was told later, I doubt it actually sunk in. Truck pulled out and struck my father's saddle bag, the bike Momma was on hit the truck. There's actually a mark all the way down the side of the truck where the handle bar drug across the sheet metal, a spot or two of blue jean transfer. The bike was pitched, which ejected my mother. What I was told is she hit the road on the right frontal area of the skull, causing it to collapse. Likely killing her right then, if not knocking her completely out. The impact also broke her neck, so even if she was conscience, she would not have felt what followed. One of my dad's drivers was behind them, and after dodging the truck and a saddle back rolling down the road, and a motorcycle getting laid out, he couldn't do anything as he headed towards her. He said he watched his bike ride over my mother's chest. Fractured ribs, and punctured lung.

Another person in the accident said they saw a woman carried off, pink froth coming from her mouth.

We rushed over to the hospital, and the doctors were waiting for us. He said she suffered a lot of injuries. Fractured skull, broken neck, broken ribs, punctured lungs. They tried to save her, injecting her with adrenaline to irritate the heart to pick up a cardiac rhythm. My dad cut him off, and asked how is she. The doctor looked so lost when he said he wasn't able to save her. My dad just stared blankly back. My older brother ran out screaming, No no no no. My dad looked... Lost. he just watched as my older brother ran out, and looked at me. the color was gone from his face. He wavered and went to sit down.

I called my boss and told him I just lost my mom. I was lost.. He offered to help me anyway he could. I called my wife.. and wanted her to be there with me. She didn't think she could drive, so I called my boss to drive her down to me. I texted and called friends. I couldn't see clear enough or speak enough to make for long conversations.

The following is a blur of sorts. I went home and passed out. My little brother was in AIT in Ft Leanardwood, MO. We had to make arrangements for her funeral. My little brother was released to come home, but it would be a day trip to get him. But working at the airport, I called my boss to see if some one could help out. A friend of the shop's offered to help.

I left Pinckneyville IL at noon, got to Mt Vernon around 1. From there I hopped in a Beechcraft Bonanza V tail and flew to Leanardwood. What would have been a 4 hour drive one way was made in just under two hours. My little brother hopped in and we flew to Pinckneyville IL where my sister was. Total round trip was 5 hours. A little over half of what the trip would have taken by car.

The week I was in a stupor, so my brother and I finished my car, and bled the brakes.

The funeral had more bikes than I've seen in a long time. And after services, the bikers gathered to give her a send off. I joined in. A parking lot full of Harleys plus 1 DSM makes for a beautiful symphony of music, for a woman that had the most fun in her last 10 years than most people I know do most of their lives.

Apparently the Commander of my brother's unit was surprised he got home so quick. Usually when the military lets some one come home for family, they provide transport.... Never heard of some one getting the news, and a private plane showing up the next day.

The following gathering at the local bar they frequented was a bit too eventful for my taste. Instead of mourning her passing and celebrating her life, I spend the day consoling a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend... Because I am nice to a fault. Eventually some of the other ladies there straightened her out.

For a woman that lived 57 years, she had a hell of an impact.

None so much as me. This past February I felt a hole I didn't realize was there. You see, I was born on the same day as my mother. February 15. 37 years after she was. After I left the house, it had become a game to see who could call each other first to wish the other happy birthday. She won mostly. 6 to 4. I cheated a few times, being a time zone or so ahead... or being in another country. But.. Not this year. No call wishing her baby happy birthday. I can't call and talk to her to help me sort out my head. She was my translator. I could spill everything out and she would be able to tell others what I was meaning. When I would start panicking about being sick, she would calm me down and tell me I'm not dying.

My last memory of Momma was the day before, I was giving her a hard time about driving so close to the steering wheel, and she gave me the finger while grinning, and laughing telling me she loved me. A few weeks before she told me she was proud of me. She said, to be honest, they were scared I would never leave the house, and become a basement dwelling son with no future. They had told me I would never get a job or find a girl if I didn't give up the cartoons, the furries, the video games. I could never get a job doing any of them, and I need to get a life. But I managed to do just that, in a manner one way or another.

She told me that I surprised her, and it made her proud that I managed to surprise her repeatedly. And she was proud I went against her expectations. I'm married to a woman who is far more understanding than most anyone else I've met. I still play my games, I still play with Lego. I'm obviously still a furry. And yes, I've even manged to get a job in video games, ironically, doing exactly what she said I wouldn't. I was a playtester for God of War Ghost of Sparta. For the PSP. :) I've got my A&P Certification, and I work in a demanding and fun job in Aviation. She was proud that I was making it on my own. I did go to Hollywood, (Visited there when I lived in California) I did go to other countries. (Korea of a year of Military, and Germany for a week for aviation.) She was proud of me succeeding and not using my 'disabilities' as a crutch.

.
.
.

All I have left to hear her say that is a short ring tone she recorded for me. I haven't played it in months. I'm terrified I'll break down crying again.

I miss you Momma.

A terrible day yesterday. My mother was killed as a result of a drunk driver. I keep crying, wishing she'd pick up the phone and say "April Fools"

But the coroner, the blood.

I lost my mother, and I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel I need to fix something, but there's nothing I can fix here. I can't fix this, and it's driving me batty.

http://www.kfvs12.com/story/1730684.....1-near-tamaroa

I'm hurting, but i need to get this out somehow.

Hello watchers and people stalkers.

I wonder, is anyone watching me interested in aviation at all?

But Can't.
Borrowed from http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1723483/


5. Buy cars that have been horribly modified and fix the owner's stupid ideas of 'Mods'

4. Get a place of my own to have my car collection

3. Make people I have wronged understand the mistakes I made were not malicious in nature

2. Race on the world's race tracks

1. Make the wishes of those around me come true some how.

Bork bork bork. :)

It's been a few months since I've updated my journal, so I thought I'd present a few updates for anyone that reads these. :P
TL;DR
Got Married.
Lost Job in Calexico
Moved back in with Mother in Law.
Started Meds ((Followed with a tangent about meds))
Still have 92 Eclipse GSX and love it
Restoring a 77 Celica GT

Um.. Not a lot. And now, for your reading pleasure. The Updates/Journal

Personal
February 2nd, 2009, I got married to my Fiance. ((Yeah, It's been over a year. :P))
Additionally, I've started to get help and medication to reign in my Rampant ADHD and Aspergers. I've finally accepted that I cannot ignore them, and I need help learning how to focus and train myself.

Job related:
Unfortunately, I got let go from my job in Calexico about 2 months in. Didn't have the time to teach me his methods. Since I got let go, my wife and I tried to live there on our own, but being the highest unemployment region in the nation, we caved in and moved back with her mother. -,-;;;

Art Related
I find trying to draw more difficult than in the past. Possibly because I'm distracted, or my skills have slipped. And I have noticed perspective is my bane! I can't get the general shapes right. If some one helps me get them straight, then the picture will turn out just fine. Otherwise, it doesn't look right.

Car Related
And I've kept my 92 Eclipse GSX. And at this point, she has gained the name Kiara Snowshoe.
And we've also finally got my wife's 77 Celica GT back on the road. Woo!


Below is a Really Long Tangent:
I understand some think claiming to have ADHD, or Aspergers is a cry for attention. The latest "I'm Sick! I got This! It's Not My Fault!" Craze.

And to be perfectly honest, I am inclined to agree.

When some one has constant problems or issues with people or groups, and then tries to justify their actions for the last X years with a sudden diagnosis, it looks fishy. And when the diagnosis just happens to be the current "In" thing, it makes it all the more difficult to believe. It fits a little too perfect, and comes off as a Deus ex Mechina. A cure that will make everyone around them forgive them for what they've done in the past. But it won't. It makes the person seem all the more desperate. A gasping cry for attention, hoping the explanation will let them back in. At that point, regardless of the person's actions before, they will be seen as an attention seeker. Trying too hard, etc etc.

With the Internet today, it's all too easy to read up on the latest diagnosis trends, and read the symptoms and then bounce happily in your seat as you find a "perfect" description of yourself. The symptoms are vague, generalized, and can easily to apply to a wide variety of people and personalities. "I read the symptoms for --Disorder-- and they all fit! I'm like, totally --Disorder--, it explains Everything!" This can be dangerous because most people are not doctors. They only look at what they want to see, and not the whole picture.

A Doctor can talk to some one and identify specific patterns and give a full diagnosis. They can decide the best course of action to help a patient understand, and adapt to the prognosis.

I have records from when I was 16 that shows indications of ADHD and possible Aspergers affliction. I have current paperwork that verifies the severity of afflictions. Not severe to make life unlivable, but not so faint that it's easily overcome and overlooked.

My doctor said I am 'Interesting'. I seem to be a walking contradiction. He sees in me everything he's seen in younger children afflicted with both disorders. But where I stand out is I am not doing what most with Aspergers do. I joined the military. I have somehow managed to maintain a relationship, and I accept my problems and seek help. Which are things that go against most people with the afflictions.

HOWEVER, I am still finding I have not fully adapted yet. I get lost filling out applications, and if I happen to get called for an interview, I get stumped, or I find myself rambling endlessly, or saying something, that while a technical truth, might not be the best way of saying it. And If/when I do get past the interview, if I am not extremely vigilant on the job, I will forget what I am doing and lose my place, or perhaps I will chat with other workers more than I will work. Obviously, these are not ideal work practices, and usually result in being let go. Even though it might frustrate me, I eventually understand what I did wrong.

The Aspergers and Adhd are enough to cause problems, but not enough to be obvious. They are facets of my personality. They do not make anything I've done excusable, nor will I let them become crutches.

I am, and always will be. . .

ME.

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Achelea

I am looking at the Calander and I realize I am getting older.

Feb 15 I will be 28. And I'm not sure what to do, or what I want. I think the best gift would be a job at this point. :D

So here's a question: What is the best Best or Worst B-day gift you got, and why?

Anyone that reads Jalopink and plays forza might wanna listen up. There is a poll going about what cars are gonna be in this summer's DLC.

Unfortunatly I stumbled on to this a tad late, but Vote if you like. Personally I hope the Fiero makes it into the game. Poor car has never had a chance to shine. (And I wonder if they'll allow the V8 conversion http://jalopnik.com/5457125/forzalo.....d-one-group-iv Pick the Fiero!

Weee! I'm working on planes! Well, Crop dusters so far, but they fly, so they count. XD

So far I've done bolt and plate replacement for tail wheels, changed a tire on a plane, replaced shoulder harnesess, and currently Riviting a wing back together after replacing a wing spar bolt. @,@

Hard, but fun work... And that's just the first Week of working here.

Neat thing is there is a chance after we put his mauler back together, I might be able to learn how to fly as well. This job is getting better and better.

Well.. Except for the 100+ temps... Every Day. u.u

As well, That's what's goin on in the frog's world. How's your day?

Well, boys, girls, and things in between!

I got a job fixing Crop dusters. Only draw back is it's 200 miles away. :/ So the good news is me and my wife will be on our own. Bad news is, it's Really far from any of my friends.

But Hell, It's not too bad. :) A friend of mine used to live near there. Maybe they might be in the area. ^.^

Ninja'd from Groggyfox groggyfox
so, just outta curiosity, answer these questions in a reply

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

Stolen from http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/688643/

Car's I've had.

1. 1989 Chevy Celebrity Eurosport edition. 2.8L V6 NA Auto
2. 1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE 2.2L I4 NA Auto
3. 1996 Chevy Camaro 3.8L V6 Auto
4. 1992 Toyota Celica GT Liftback 2.2L NA I4 Manual
5. 1992 Toyota Celica GT Notchback 2.2L NA I4 Manual
6. 1992 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX 2.0L TURBO I4 Manual (AWD FTW)

3 Autos 3 Manuals. Also, 4 FWD 1 AWD 1 RWD; 5 NA 1 Turbo

How I lost them

1. Joined army and parents got rid of it
2. Lady without liscense totaled it. Used money to buy 3.
3. Going to school and the Camaro started to fall apart. And got broken into.
4. Got into a fender bender and my insurance folded. Gave to a guy to work on 5.
5. (Never actually paid for the car. Wife bought it, dad repaid wife, never paid back Dad) Gave to my older brother to repay the $1.5K I owed him for Insurance he was paying for me.
6. STILL Own it. (It's a DSM... It's trying to fall apart. >.<)

Righto! I'm another year older. 27 years I've been here so far.. Wonder how many I got left?

Ask any question ya like. I'll answer.

( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
SO FAR: 1

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) Dumped someone
(x) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight
SO FAR: 5

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped Class
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
SO FAR: 8

Level 4
( ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Furaffinity Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking
SO FAR: 9

Level 5
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone Through Internet
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit
SO FAR: 10

Level 6
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel
SO FAR: 15

Level 7
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding
( ) Played Dress Up
SO FAR: 17

Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
SO far: 22

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 24

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood
SO FAR: 28

Level 12
( ) Won A Contest
(x) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
SO FAR: 31

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) Danced in the moonlight
SO FAR : 31

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
SO FAR: 33

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying
SO FAR: 37

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
( ) Sang Karaoke (singstar count?)
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins
SO FAR: 41

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
( ) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain
SO FAR: 44

Level 18
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
( ) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere
SO FAR: 46

Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
SO FAR: 47

Level 20
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins
SO FAR: 47

Level 21
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cubes
(x) Kicked A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
( ) Sat On A Roof Top and watched the stars
SO FAR: 50

Level 22
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about
SO FAR: 54

Level 23
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
( ) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
SO FAR: 57

Level 24
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail
SO FAR: 58

Level 25
( ) Played Chinese Chicken
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused
SO FAR:59

Level 26
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(x) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 64

Level 27
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
SO FAR: 67

Level 28
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
( ) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
( ) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 68

Level 29
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(x) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
SO FAR: 73

Level 30
(x) Been shot at/or at gunpoint (lazertag =3)
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
(x) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas ((Cheapskate passenger only gave me enough to cover the gas used.... to go 2 miles.))

75... Boring, huh?

Stolen from Yuriko Kinai

How do you pronounce my names when you see them on the screen?

Achelea

Shiva Gunner

Psycofrog

Bebti Chione

Aviona

Stolen from :Raziel0682: Raziel0682

I was born on Feb 15 1982

If you're under the age of 11 or 12...you shouldn't even read this,
and if you do, you should not repost this.

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.

It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons.
I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it.


You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching:
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Animaniacs
-Gargoyles

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters!!!
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World!!!!

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-ms. mary mack

when kick ball was a daily activity.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember The Original Game Boy.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters

You remember Ring Pops.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

one word. . . . . . . .trolls.

Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberry's
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Lambchop's song never ended.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.


Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!


Way back.


Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.


Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . .


Post with the year you were born

Got this from http://the-dragon-girl.deviantart.com/

The first 5 people to comment in this journal get themselves put up here along with my favorite 3 pieces from them.

You HAVE to have at least 3 pieces of your own ORIGINAL work and you have to put this journal in your own journal.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

I think that the "experts" are right about January being most depressing.

I should be excited and happy... I am a Certified Airframe and Powerplant Mechanic. I know my fiance is alive and well (despite being in Iraq) And I know that I will be hired soon to start working on helicopters again.

But yet...

I'm Lonely.
I'm Cold.
I'm Tired.
I'm Saddened.
I'm Ignored.
I'm Lied to.
I don't have any friends in real life to hang out with.
I hardly have any friends online that can stand me.
I don't know when I will get hired.
I don't know how long I will have the job when I get hired.
I'm left out.
I'm avoided.

Whats worse is I know that every single problem I have is my own fault.

I'm whiney.
I'm obsessive.
I'm strange.
I'm easily distracted.
I offend easily.

Some of my problems are things I cannot control... And it seems no one wants to understand.

I cannot understand simple social interaction.
I don't know how to interact with people.
I cannot understand when people are joking, or when they are serios.
I cannot understand how close of friends I am with people.
I easily get confused.
I don't know how to make friends, keep friends, or become a better friend.
I don't know when I am being annoying.
I don't know when to shut up.
I don't know how to control what I say or do.

The only thing that is completely outside my control is My Fiance is in Iraq serving in the reserves.

I know some people don't beleive it exsists. Or they think its a lame attempt to excuse my actions.

I'm not making this up.

I have medical files proving it.

I have a form of Autism... and there isn't a cure.

Its Called Aspergers Syndrome.

I'm damned to be akward, pushing people away, and constantly alone.

Most people look and stay away. Some try for a little bit, then give up.

Lord knows how my fiance puts up with me. I don't know how she does it myself.

I'm spiraling out of control and all I can get for help is people telling me to change. But no one is telling me HOW.

I don't understand. I don't know how.

Thank GOD I don't drink or do drugs. I would be worse off than I am now.

Sorry for this long rant, but I am tired.
I'm not looking for coddling, I'm not flailing about looking for attention. What I want isn't gonna happen.

I want another chance.
I want people to listen.
I want to be included.
I want to be part of the group... Not grasping at the edges.
I want a hug.
I want a shoulder to cry on.
I want...

I want to be something other than what I am.

Well. My time In California has come to a close.

For those that know, and some that care, I will be driving out to IL tomorrow. Reason is I finished my schooling, and the job I am looking at is in TN, So I have to move my things out to there to be ready. Additionally my Fiance is heading there for Christmas, and it will be the last time i can see her before she heads over seas. She is a reservist that is going to be serving over seas.

Well. thats all. Thanks to everyone for watching me. When I return...

Well, Some of you heard about my classes, others of you have not. So I'll make a quick explanation.

For the last year and a half I have been going to school during the evenings. The classes are so I can get my A&P certification. The A is for Airframe, the P is for Powerplant.

The reason this Certification is so Special is that it is controlled by the FAA. Its not particularly difficult, but its not necessarily easy either. Most of the students that attend the course never bother trying to get the certification.

I however, am not one of those people.

I have been taking the practice test so I can take the actual final tests for free.

With a little luck, and the learned skilles, by this time next month I will have my certification.

What does that mean for my intrepid watchers? Well hopefully when I get done with the test I can start drawing and writing again. And MAYBE if I am feeling particularly proud of my art, start commissions. :P

So cross your fingers, toes, tails, eyes and tentacles, cause I need all the help/luck I can get. :D

Cookies.

A friend of mine came upon some trouble and needs commissions.

http://the-dragon-girl.deviantart.com/

Please. if ya cant commission, at least donate something?

I am looking for peace.. How do I find it?