Hey, I'm still alive, still in Second Life, though also gaming a good bit. I apologize for not coming on FA often. I'm like this with practically every site I join ;_;
Figured I'd redo the question journal thingy a third time because hey, why not!

From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
- I'm REAAADDDDYYYYYY

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
- RL? Yes. SL? I don't remember.

What do you carry with you at all times?
- Crippling depression

Are you a cuddler?
- If I like you

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
- A cat or two

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
- Bio sex or sexual identity? Does it have to be via phone text or can it be Discord? THERE ARE TOO MANY VARIABLES

How are you feeling?
- Fat and sassy

Is something wrong right now?
- Eh...

Are you mad at someone?
- I wouldn't say mad

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
- If they got a good personality, looks don't matter as much

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
- My cat looked at me

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
- At the very least, one (outside of family)

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
- I wake when I wake, unless someone else wakes me

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
- I've cried over characters in video games, so you betcha I've cried over quite a few real folks

Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
- Not in my bed >.>

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
- Yes

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
- What if my most recent ex and I got back together? (or atleast the one I consider my most recent ex)

Do you sleep with the TV on?
- No

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
- No.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
- No.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
- Yes

Where is the person you like right now?
- I already said, not in my bed :V

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
- An Italian sub from SubWay

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- STILL something other than this

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
- While I like pretty eyes, I also greatly appreciate good "assets" >.>

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- I believe so

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
- Yeah

Could you cry right now?
- Probably not

Are you okay with the life you live?
- It could be better

Did you enjoy your day today?
- Its just another day

Do you have a tattoo?
- Not yet but I want one or two or a few

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
- No.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
- Yes

What was the last thing you spent money for?
- Buying my SLGF Elder Scrolls Online

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Mom

Do you call it fall or autumn?
- Fall

11:11… Make a wish?
- If I could turn back time...

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
- My catttttttttt

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
- Probably on Second Life or Elder Scrolls Online

Do you hold grudges?
- Yes, but not on petty things.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- Yes, its lovely

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
- I would HOPE I have a good outlook lmfao

Who was your last text from?
- My current SLBF/dom

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Yes, even though I realy haven't.

One thing you're looking forward to?
- A local comic con

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
- Sometimes.

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
- Yes, though I disagree.

What color is your camera?
- Um I have a phone, its black with a purple case

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
- No, and I don't know if I'll ever see or hear from them again...

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- Absolutely not

Are you wasting your time on someone?
- IMO no, but I'm sure some would disagree

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
- Yes.

By the way, what is your name?
- I go by Dakota

Are you currently in a relationship?
- RL? No. SL? Yes.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
- Oh look, its one of my defining traits as a question... yes

What color is your favorite hoodie?
- Pinkish purple, its the only one I can still wear

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
- In regards to last time's answer... Forever is a long, long time... and time has a way of changing things.

Much time has passed since my last journal. I've been in and out of a relationship, made friends, lost friends... but things are generally still the same.
I have recently thought about trying to get into RP despite my usual reluctance. We'll see where that goes.

I was going through my old journals when I saw this one and I decided to redo it. Heres the 2016 version ^^

From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
- As ready as Spongebob Squarepants :P

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
- No

What do you carry with you at all times?
- iPhone

Are you a cuddler?
- Yes

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
- Sometimes the cats poop under there so...

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
- My best friend/pet/ex

How are you feeling?
- ok I suppose

Is something wrong right now?
- Maybe...

Are you mad at someone?
- Kind of

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
- Somewhat

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
- Dude I just woke up

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
- One

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
- I wake when I wake

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
- 2 I can think of

Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
- In SC? Is location what you mean?

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
- I did...

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
- 1am today

Do you sleep with the TV on?
- Yes, I need a bit of light to sleep

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
- No.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
- No.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
- Sometimes

Where is the person you like right now?
- Not with me...

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
- Cheese Nips

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- Something other than this probably

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
- Eyes

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- I think?

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
- I have before

Could you cry right now?
- Might could

Are you okay with the life you live?
- No...

Did you enjoy your day today?
- I JUST GOT UP, OK?

Do you have a tattoo?
- Not yet

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
- No.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
- No.

What was the last thing you spent money for?
- Sushi >.>

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Mom

Do you call it fall or autumn?
- Fall

11:11… Make a wish?
- I wish I could be with the person I love...

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
- My bestfriend/pet/ex

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
- On Second Life

Do you hold grudges?
- Yes, but not on petty things.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- Yes, its lovely

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
- Absolutely fine ^^

Who was your last text from?
- My bestfriend/pet/ex

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Yes, even though I realy haven't.

One thing you're looking forward to?
- A local comic con

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
- Sometimes.

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
- Yes, though I disagree.

What color is your camera?
- All I got is my phone and its got too much data to even take photos now...

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
- No, and if he did he wouldn't mean it.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- No.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
- Some might think so

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
- Yes.

By the way, what is your name?
- IRL? Lauren.

Are you currently in a relationship?
- No.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
- Yes.

What color is your favorite hoodie?
- Brown/tan

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
- Always

I think Adek may qualify more as a character than as a fursona... He isn't based off me, or act like me... He's more or less who I wish I was. I find myself relating more to my other fursona who I'm calling Corinna. I've based her soley on myself so that may be why. I don't identify as a wolf at all anymore. I'm thylacine through and through. This doesn't mean I'm letting go of Adek, no, never. I've just come to terms with realizing I'm not him. I don't know if this is making any sense. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a therian or not, its so complicated. I don't really do phantom shifting or anything spiritual other than feeling I am more thylacine than anything else... I have mental shifted before though its rare. I think about thylacines all the time... sometimes I cry at night over their tragedy. I don't feel so strong about anything else... I won't say "yeah, I'm a reincarnated thylacine" or anything certain for sure, but I feel I have the soul of one. Therianthropy is the closest to what I feel. :/

On to other things... I would totally love to fursuit anround the house more but my stepdad hates anything different/strange/not "normal". I do wear my head in my room by myself sometimes... but I want another one, a thylacine suit made for me. The one I have I bought as a tester of sorts to see if I liked wearing it and because its freaking awesome and unique. But I wanna get a thylacine one too. Fuck yeah, thylacines :>

I hate it when I'm sick and unable to sleep. When I cant sleep I want to talk and I probably make no sense at ungodly hours. Well, 6am is ungodly to ME, fuck you and your times, I wanna sleeeeeep... Not that I can sleep past 9 anymore after the move, the layout of this house means I hear everything and mother gets up between 5 and 8 depending on her schedule, meaning thats when the dogs start barking. I dont really like dogs right now. Parent"s" keep 5 downstairs, 3 upstairs, and 4 outside...
The "s" indicates my step"father", a hateful person I wish was never in my life. Sometimes I wish my actual father was never in my life because he may love me but never fails to be hurtful in some way... that would mean I was never born, wouldn't it? WELL GOOD.

Yes, I am in a horrendous mood if you cannot tell. If people actually read my journals, I might lose watchers over it but... you smell that? Its aalllll the shits I dont give.

Actually I give too much shits cause I have diarrhea.

I know this will be only read by few if any, but I have to share my thoughts on the passing of AnthroXtacy, one of the oldest and best furry clubs in Second Life. The "death" of the first place I got welcomed and comfortable in SL has saddened me greatly. Mostly because there were notices sent out but for some reason I didn't get them and didn't get to attend any of the last day events. But mostly, I'm mad. While I do understand the owner has the right to do so, it doesn't make it right to take away something that made people happy, a place where they belonged, gave people a job, a home, etc. especially one that had been around as long as AX. The owner has left the fandom, and took one of the best things that to come out of it with them and turned it into an application-only role play community. I hate those. I am now glad I didn't decide to move to their home rentals despite wanting to forever. I guess its a good thing I started straying from there and branching out into different hangouts and found one I liked better. But AX was special. Whereas clubs like IYC, GYC, and YIFF may be bigger, they do not contain the friendly atmosphere that AX had. At AX you could expect to be greeted on arrival instead of just being treated like another face in the crowd. Here is where I first met other furs and started being social. Hikari Vixen was the first to greet me, back when I wore a freebie avatar and was brand spanking new to the scene of Second Life and the furry fandom. During my times there I struck up conversations with many of the staff, something I cannot say I've done at the other clubs mentioned. While in its last days I didn't come around as often, I still will miss the place and its people greatly. I'll miss Keesar calling me Terry, the sexy purr of "DJ Slutcake's" voice, Hatecat hating, Kath being a bitch, and all the fun contests and events (which I lately missed due to them being too populated for my laptop XP). Perhaps our paths will cross again, another time in another club... but not one like AX.

~Adek Ogami/Kurama "Terrence" Ogami(thetailsdoll)/Alice Moonbayne

My grandmother lost her battle with cancer three weeks ago. She went downhill very fast. However, the last audible thing she said to me was "I'll be ok"... and I didn't doubt it. I knew and now still exactly where she is. I may come across at times as anti-religious, but in truth I have always been jealous of her faith in God despite her situation. I only wish I had an ounce of the love and joy she found in Jesus. But because of conflicting beliefs with the Bible and my autism making a relationship with an invisible omnipresent deity who lets such terrible things happen to His own followers... Though I believe that there is a God, the events in my life and those of the world makes me question His love on what is lately a daily basis. Before my Asperger's kicked in, there was no such questioning. It may have been the faith of a child, Perhaps its alll the shit thats gone on in my life... Speaking of shit in my life...

Woke up at 5:48am from intense pain that only intensified and soon grew into nausea. By the time we left for the ER I was vomiting into a trashbag... The pain only increased until they finally got an IV to stick and got the good shit in. After that I had to deal with a fucking catheter, then got carted off for a CT scan. Turns out its a kidney stone. Gotta deal with this shit until I piss a rock? Can you say FML? Ugh -_-

I figure no one reads these but I'll write updates on my life anyway. And since my journals are normally super long, I'll TL;DR everything.

Bad:
one of my cats died
one of my dogs died
my grandma's cancer returned
my stomach condition is worse sometimes so I can't eat what I want
I'm continually depressed

Good:
I have a head, tail and parts to make arms 'n paws... Though they are are a tad unconventional: Use-your-own-eyes and made of real fur!
I have someone who wants to take me to a furry convention. However I wonder if him recently acquiring a girlfriend will prevent that...

And now to something else...

Is it bad to have multiple fursonas that aren't really yourself but reflections of only a part of your personality? I know no one will answer, why ask anyway...

I really want to draw something, but for the past year, 2 years or so I have been unable to draw or write almost anything. I don't know if it has to do with depression or what. I have all these great art and story ideas and they are stuck in my head... If I try to draw something, it ends up terrible and nowhere near as good as I can draw. Perhaps it might be because I haven't drawn in so long or because I've lost what joy I used to get out of drawing. I'd really like to have some program I can do digital art with, but that would mean buying something and I can't just buy whatever I want especially internet purchases because of my mom having control over what I buy except for the money in my pocket that comes from my father, who currently can't give me money because he's been jobless for like 5 years and he's gonna be homeless if the government or whatever doesn't let him have his friend's house that was willed to him, and his brother is going to kick him out of his current house because it (and everything in it) was willed to him. My mom sees most things I like as either something childish I'm going to grow out of (bitch please, I've been drawing furries since I could pick up a pencil and all my life I've been obsessed with costuming of all kinds, your argument is invalid). I may be getting a good sum of money. My dad says nanny told him she left me money, and if I know her, she wouldn't leave me nothing as she and grandaddy loved giving me money. Grandaddy made sure she remembered to give me my "varmint money" on his death bed, that's how important I was to them. My mother has doubts if my dad is right, but I have been told by the official over the will people that I'm getting something, just not what. While my mother legally has no control over the money I recieve from nanny, she will definately not allow me to keep it in my pockets, and even if she did, she has control over what I buy online because she is the controller of the paypal account. She wants me to spend the money on clothes, more memory for my laptop, and other things she sees as necessities even though I am not in dire need of any necessities. I get a disability check for necessities. Those who are familiar with being on disability know you have to keep your banked money under a certain amount. The money willed to me by nanny, because the government (whoever's over the disability money) knows about it because a will is a legal doctrine, will put me over my limit. They have said I can recieve it if I spend it in less than 30 days or they will take away the amount of money i recieve from them. They are already doing this because I went over two months without even knowing it. Something to do with money in another account mom made when I was like 6 or so that they told my mother was okay, but in reality were counting it against my limit the whole time.

So what does any of this have to do with anything furry related, you might be asking? Let's see.... I'm gettting $1000. This makes my dream of having a fursuit have a chance at reality. Of course, being overweight and heat sensitive, I'd be getting a partial. Also because my mother says a fullsuit wouldn't be a good idea because I may not like wearing just a partial, even though I don't think its too much different from my storebought werewolf masks and gloves, except a bit hotter, heavier, and possibly better vision if made to fit my measurements. She is right that getting a partial first is a good idea. However, she wants me to find the cheapest used one possible while still decent quality. I am not going to buy just any partial, if I do not connect with the suit, no matter how pretty it is, it would be a pointless buy. There is one on furbuy she really likes, and while it is a gorgeous wolf, (and I am looking for a wolf, or a fox, or although impossible to hope for, a thylacine), but I don't see it as anything more than I do my werewolf masks... Just an outfit. I am looking for something to be an extension of myself. I'm also wanting to do charity work in a fursuit, and the one she likes are realistic masks, and toony faces are better for working with children. She admits this, so I'm are trying to find something inbetween. I would rather spend money on a custom than someone else's. The makers that have the look I'm going for are too expensive. A good example of realistic toony would be OneFurAll. While I do have an extra $790 sitting around, she's saving it for when I take college classes.

There's one big problem with everything, and that's the 30 days I have to spend it once I get it. Any suits I see for sale right now I cannot buy as most people want to sell stuff asap so I probably cant find someone to do layaway. When I do get the money, I have 30 days to either find a used one or pay in full for a commission. Most makers charge more than my mom wants me to spend, as she is not going to let me spend the entire $1000, even though she can't legally do that. Unless she can and there's a way none of us know of. She'll do it anyway of course, not out of any desire to use the money for herself (like my paranoid father believes she will), but out of concern that I am buying something I'll use once and get rid of. I haven't told her that that is something that indeed can happen as I have seen people say that. I am not so much afraid of getting rid of it once I buy one, but more afraid that I won't be able to wear it. My mother used to work in a nursing home (I literally grew up around those about to die), and I have a friend who has connections with the Special Olympics who would try her hardest to help me as she knows how much I enjoy being around those with special needs. In the event that she couldn't get me in, what would I do then? I've heard of people who work in such areas who lost their job because their boss came across the bad stuff said about furries. I have seen twice outside the petstore I help out at someone in a moose suit, dunno what they are promoting as they seemed to be holding a sign. If I am unable to find someplace to volunteer or work for, I have no idea what I would do other than wear it at halloween or if FuRaleigh becomes a real deal, as there are no furry themed things I know of in my area, and if there were I don't know how I'd find out. You might be thinking that I should just wear it around the house as many furries do. I can't do that for two reasons. One, there are three English Mastiffs in the house that would freak out. I suppose they would get used to it, one being afraid of everything, the other shy, and one who would probably see me as a giant chew toy as she is still in the puppy mindset. There are three other Mastiffs not in the house that would probably not give two thoughts about it. Incase you didn't realize, my family breeds English Mastiffs. Yes, the idea of a Mastiff fursuit has crossed my mind, my mother would probably love that idea, but as I said earlier, it would probably be no more than a suit to me. There is still another reason I couldn't wear it around the house, the same reason I nolonger wear my werewolf masks like I used to... My stepfather. He has ridiculed me for liking anime, videogames, stuffed animals, and for being generally weird for years. God forbid he knows anything of furries, because with him it would be the negative shit. He'd make fun of me either way of course. This is a man who think its funny to whisper to us (me and mom) making fun of fat people eating when we are at restaurants even though we are both overweight. This is a man who makes me feel unwelcome in my own house. My mother says I imagine the glares and scoffs. I don't imagine living on my own anytime soon, as mom won't let me until I am mature enough, though in the environment I live in it is hard. Legally she can't keep me, but she won't let me leave knowing I have nowhere to go but live with my father, and while I love my dad and he can be the funnest person to be around sometimes, he has his own psychological/mental/emotional/maturity issues of his own. Perhaps its best I let everything crush my dreams before they become nightmares.

I'm sure my mother would fuss for my talk of her, although I said she does what she does out of concern. She'd also fuss for talking about personal issues and getting money, although its obvious you have money if you are getting/trying to get a fursuit...Besides, not many people, if any, will read this, so it doesn't really matter...

I was thinking that they were probably waiting to get my posts as seperate violations and they were. I think its unfair to do that if every violation occured before your first warning. I don't know if you can remove photos posted to a group, so if you can't, you're kinda screwed. It's not my fault the group told everyone that closed groups can post whatever they want! And unlike everyone else, my posts were not yiff, just artistic nudity. I cannot post on FurAffinity anything of my avatar on SecondLife (unless its for a reference) so I use FaceBook. I just want a place where I can post photos of my avatar being sexy... I guess I'll go to PawsRu for that. But it is so unfair of Facebook to make my posts separate violations when they all occured before they issued me a warning that was over a week after I posted the pics to the group. As this is my second warning, I have a 24 hour ban. The ban doesn't go in effect when they send the warning, but when you see it. I haven't been on FB because of some issues in my life and now that I feel like getting on this happens. I have one more "offensive" picture of my avatar, and I can't remove it, either because it is a post to a group I have no control over, because it has been a week or so since it was posted, or because you cannot remove posts when banned. That's another unfair thing. I cannot remove the post nor can I ask for it to be removed while I am banned. I also read that trying to post anything while banned can get your ban extended. There are different types of bans, how do I know what all I'm banned from without trying to post? All of this tells me that FB wants all other incriminating posts to stay so they can punish more. I'm hoping that it changing from a closed group to a secret group will help, although FB security can still see what is posted, no one else can. Supposedly, anyway. But I think that if FB can still see it, it is not safe to post whatever you want. Also, the first time someone changed it to secret, another admin changed it back to closed without any care for those of us who are banned who still have posts FB will get us for. It is, as of last night, secret again, but how long it lasts or if it will even help I do not know. One admin said to get around the rules is to post links to pics instead, as those who click on them have a choice whether or not to do so, unlike just posting the pics where they don't. Although you'd think it wouldn't matter as it is a club made specifically for posting nude and yiff art and those who join are obviously WANTING to see these images. But I personally think FB could get you for links, because they can do whatever they want. This is a site where you can get in trouble just for friending people you don't know, so if they can get you for something as stupid as that, they can get you for whatever they want. As soon as the ban is over, I'm going to see if I can get that photo removed. If the admins say no that it doesn't matter now that its a secret group, I'll be leaving. I'm not going to be a guinea pig in this experiment to find out if changing the group type makes a difference. But if I cannot remove the picture, I guess I have no choice. All I know is I have to warn my friend who has his own group where people were telling him that closed groups can post what they want. He changed the groups type to closed, and I fear that people will begin posting what they want. Doesn't the admin of a group get in trouble for what others post to the group too? I remember my first warning saying something like "a picture posted in a group you own or that you posted is a violation" or something like that. While he said he didn't want anyone posting whatever they wanted until he knew for sure if closed groups could do whatever, I still worry. At the moment I cannot tell him due to my ban. Perhaps that was the greater purpose in this happening, that my experience will help my friend, and that the rumor of closed groups having immunity can be disspelled. Now I can only wait to see if it is true or untrue for secret groups...

TL;DR: Moral of the story: If someone says you can get away with something, let someone else do it first so if they're wrong you aren't to blame!

I apologize for not paragraphing, but its not literature its a journal so as my smart as 7 year old stepsister likes to say, "well whoopdidoo"

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3279857/

Too bad there are too many comments to see what all name ideas are taken... Because I have like 9 ideas.... >.<

I haven't been onlne anywhere due to shit going on in my life. So I decided to get on Facebook today to check on my page. Can't. Have to verify its me by phone or photos of friends. I do have friends I don't know IRL, but I don't have 1000 plus friends like most idiots who get these security warnings. I may have 100 or less. Many of them are people I do know but not friends. many are also past friends who I don't see anymore. Others are friends of RL friends, or friends of friends I have met online. I'm not like most of the furries on FB who friend request everyone they see. In fact, I rarely ask, I accept you if I like you and we have had atleast one conversation. Some people I accept because I know they have issues that they may need someone to talk to.

I also created what some call a troll page, where you are a page (not profile, PAGE) of something. All I do is post funny stuff like the other ones I like. I try to be like the well known ones, posting captioned images and whatnot. I had 10 fans in 3 days or so. Already got mentioned by a semi popular page. Quite proud of myself. Pages of fictional characters are allowed, so this shouldn't be about that.

I'm wondering if it has to do with FB asking me everytime I log in on my laptop to "name new device" when its not a new device... I gave up after doing it several times... Dunno how to fix that.

I heard somebody talking about FB targeting furries, but the way I see furries on FB act... Friend requesting every fur they see, RPing everywhere, most of them need to get the heck off FB anyway.

Gonna put in the code I got earlier because they haven't sent another and my signal is doing unusually good so its not that...

Mkay. Got a warning from an image postedin a closed group. So apparently closed groups CAN'T post what they want. What they got me for was funny. EVERYONE HAS SEEN TITANIC. If you haven't you live under a rock or are retarded. Facebook found the scene where Jack draws Rose naked funnily captioned to be the most offensive thing I posted. I posted a pic or two of my fursona on Second Life bein' nekkid, but nothing. Unless they are gonna get me later and pretend its a new rule violation... XP Why are they just now cracking on the group? Is someone inside the group reporting? Will making it a secret group help? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z
wait... no...
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

My "surgery" went fine (feels silly calling dental work that). I'll be sneezing and coughing a bit if blood for a day or so. I got 7 fillings. Other than the front top 6 teeth, my others are fine. My throat was sore when I woke up from the tube they stuck in my nose, but now its just scratchy from my cold. I'm very sleepy, mom says I'll probably sleep most of tomorrow. I finally got to eat, I had mashed potatoes and fried crappies (fish). I had to stop from eating too much more so due to the sedative they put in me might slow down the internal plumbing so overeating wouldn't be good.

When I got home I had to face some bad news. Nanny (dad's mom) died while I was at the hospital. She woke from her coma a few days ago, but today she had a heart attack. I suppose in some ways it's a blessing, as she had extreme limited mobilty and would have to learn to move again. She wouldn't want to live confined to a bed. She wasn't expected to come out of that coma as she was dependant on the ventilator. About 5 years ago she was told she had a year to live. She's outlasted her expiration date and her husband, so it's unfair for me to complain.
Mostly I worry about my father. He doesn't deal with loss well. He dwells on negative thoughts and self pity. Also her house and posessions were left to her other son. Dad and his brother don't get along, but it seems my uncle is trying to be nice. Perhaps now that the cause of their feuding is gone (their mother) they will come to their senses. I've always compared them to Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, one jealous of what a dead relative willed to the other. XP

I don't feel the loss yet. Probably a combination of being ready for it from her coma, being calm from
seditaves, not being somewhere I see her every day, and having already lost both grandfathers. That's 3 grandparents within 6 months. I'm sure it'll hit me later. It always does eventually.

Ugh. Sick. Nasty cold. So no handling my parrot... And tomorrow I have dental surgery to repair my front teeth which have been an issue for quite a while because I chipped them when I was little. It's made them sensitive to everything and almost impossible to brush. So the dentist is gonna make them tough. I'm not really scared because I've had my wisdom teeth removed a year or two ago and this won't be that bad. Mostly I hate that I'm not able to eat past midnight tonight and I looove midnight snacks... No breakfast or drinking sucks. This is because I am being put under due to my anxiety and sensitivity of the teeth. Hopefully I won't wake up a monster from the sedation... I also hope my cold doesn't get worse or the it will be cancelled.

I need to draw something... But my concentration is BLAH. I did sketch Adek today while in the waiting room to discuss tomorrows appointment, but it's not good enough to post... It was a very quick sketch. I might try drawing him with the charcoal pencils grandma found while cleaning the camper. They were mine, but my 7 year old stepsister wants them but I don't think it's a good idea to let her around charcoal as messy as she is. I am pretty messy with charcoal as I tend to use my fingers to smooth it out if I don't have one of those thingys. What do you use to make charcoal art not smear??? I know I have some drawings somewhere I've never uploaded, and it would be bad if they got on the scanner...

Not sure if anyone cares about my issues, but I like posting about my life.

[x] you meow/bark to get attention (growl when ignored)
[ ] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[ ] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[ ] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back
Total: 1

[x] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat
[ ] you like to stick your head out through the window of a moving car.
[x] you like when people pet your head
[x] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[x] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 5

[x] you sleep a lot during daytime
[x] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[x] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[ ] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 3

[x]you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[x] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[x] you enjoy long walks in the park
[x] you meow/bark when you see something you want (whine)
Total: 4

[x] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[x] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x] you really enjoy cuddling
[x] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[x] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 5

[x] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[x] you meow or bark very often (growling counts?)
[x] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[x] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[x] you tend to chew on stuff a lot (I don't chew, but I often put jewelry in my mouth)
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 5

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[ ] you refer to your self as an animal
[ ] (Not on FB, but i has lots) your username has something to do with animals
[ ] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[x] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[x] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 2

[x] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[ ] you like to say hi to strangers
[x] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[x] people think you act like a pet
[x] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[x] you like to eat grass (do wild onions count?)
[x] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Total:5

I grew up loving movies with anthro or talking animals, reading Redwall, and having an intense connection to all animals. My neighbor had two wolfdogs, and I was always fascinated by them. My love for wolves has never faded. In 6th grade I went through a phase of acting like a wolf that caused me a lot of ridicule in school. In 8th grade I was diagnosed with Asperger's (by an actual psychiatrist, not self diagnosed like some people who say they have it). This explained my odd behavior. I've repressed the desire to act like a wolf, but I am happy to find a community in which it is acceptable. I heard of furries through the Internet, hearing all the negative comments and whatnot. The hatred towards it didn't scare me, I am used to being made fun of, even in my own house at times, so some person ridiculing others hiding behind anonymity is nothing. When I told my mother about the fandom, she said it was probably another phase. I've never went through phases... I've always liked wolves, anime, video games, pokemon, and other common "phases". When I told my dad about my desire to have a fursuit and go to conventions, he understood because of Trekkies, lol. I didn't expect him to be understanding, as he dislikes most things I like. I'm not mentioning anything to my stepdad, as he doesn't need any more reasons to treat me like a freak, and I don't need any more reasons to hate him. I can't be myself in my own home. I can be myself with other furries. As for my fursona, Adek, he was created when I decided to color a plastic wolf figure with my limitless imagination, and named him after a Christian werewolf in a werewolf story book (Werewolves: A Collection of Original Stories by Jane Yolen and Martin H. Greenberg). Adek means "of noble birth" in some language I do not speak. His color has changed from the original figure, but he's always been blue. Adek is all the good things in me without the bad. Adek is myself online. Online I am relatively calm, but IRL I can be a real live wire with a short fuse. Adek is who I strive to be, he is the better me. I don't really know why I chose to have a male fursona. I like to think my fursona chose me.

Saw someone do one of these, so I decided to do it.


From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
- You say that like I'm a chronic liar...

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
- Yeah, doubt that'll change...

What do you carry with you at all times?
- iTouch.

Are you a cuddler?
- Yes...

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
- large plastic containers of junk.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
- I don't remember. I don't text much.

How are you feeling?
- *shrugs* Tired, I guess.

Is something wrong right now?
- Just the usual. I miss my friends.

Are you mad at someone?
- Mad? No. Frustrated? Yes.

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
- Not that much, but you can't be too hideous.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
- I watched my favorite tv show.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
- I don't even know anymore...

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
- No, for once.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
- Depends on what you mean by cried over. I've cried over someone I worry about.

Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
- Where? I DON'T UNDERSTAND...

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
- I don't know if any are at the moment, but I did.

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
- I don't even know if he's still alive....

Do you sleep with the TV on?
- Yeah, it makes me more comfortable. I don't usually have the volume on unless its too quiet.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
- No.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
- No.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
- Yes...

Where is the person you like right now?
- Not with me...

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
- Nachos.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- I... Don't know...

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
- Eyes.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- I think.

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
- Possibly.

Could you cry right now?
- If I got myself in the right mindset.

Are you okay with the life you live?
- No...

Did you enjoy your day today?
- Meh.

Do you have a tattoo?
- Not yet...

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
- No.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
- No.

What was the last thing you spent money for?
- Something on Second Life.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Don't remember, either mom, dad, or grandma.

Do you call it fall or autumn?
- Fall, usually

11:11… Make a wish?
- I wish I could be with the person I love...

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
- Those people aren't around me now. I'll just say my pets.

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
- Screwing around on GMod.

Do you hold grudges?
- Yes, but not on petty things.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- I think, I wasn't counting.

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
- Nothing wrong with it.

Who was your last text from?
- My mom.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Yes, even though I realy haven't.

One thing you're looking forward to?
- December 21st... lol

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
- Sometimes.

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
- Yes, though I disagree.

What color is your camera?
- Blueish

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
- No, and if he did he wouldn't mean it.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- No.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
- I'm starting to think it's a hopeless cause.

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
- Yes.

By the way, what is your name?
- IRL? Lauren.

Are you currently in a relationship?
- No.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
- Yes.

What color is your favorite hoodie?
- Brown/tan

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
- I dont remember the last person I kissed.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3096413/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3087119/

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