Hey All!

You may have heard rumours that my team is making a game! It's true! And we would love to hear your voice around what makes adult furry games exciting for you.
Our game is made by and for the community. We would love your opinion!

https://forms.gle/8qRrZFerRw8fiZ5S8

Hello!

Wow it has been a LONG time since I've posted one of these. In retrospect the last one seemed kind of doom and gloom.

Thing have been a lot better in my life now that I have taken the right priorities and to be in places that promote the right headspace to form tight communities of friends and also to focus on just enjoying my field of craft without the subconscious pressure of the social media engine. Still in the UK, loving it at the moment and still eager to meet more UK furs at some point!

Aside from that, to keep it short and sweet, I wanted to update you all that I am fairly active in the 3D space still and working to hone my craft. If you like my work, want to see my thought process, have a chat and see many many more picstures (wips and finished) give my telegram art channel a gander here: https://t.me/orthaden

Please note, this is 18+, if my gallery wasn't enough of an indicator I can be... fairly kinky lol.

Hope to see you there if you enjoy my work!

Also, if you happen to be looking for a behemoth to rock of your own, dont forget to check out my behemoth base that is for sale on Gumroad! https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10364008/

Hey there!

So, this is going to be quiet a long journal post which is mostly introspective about my own journey and resolutions for the new year. I want to be very clear here as a sort of disclaimer that my ramblings below are my *personal* views and pertain to my own behaviours rather than a global statement that applies to everyone. If what I say resonates with you in some way, then I am glad, but my intention here is not to sway your view or others to mine.

Its been a ride of ups and downs in the fandom for me, from extreme happiness to probably the most low at times but that journey has been filled with wonderful learnings and opportunities I don't think I ever would have had should I not have stepped into it way back when. I have met a myriad of wonderful and colourful people, some good, some bad but all the same, it was an ode to how wide the world really is and how when you think you are open minded, you aren't ever open minded enough. Life is a constant journey of learning, failing, using that failure to succeed and broadening the horizon further than the hill in front of you that is your comfort zone.

Which brings me to the biggest thing that I reflected on this year. Comfort zones. I have been blessed and honoured to have a lot of people who want to talk to me, and I have met some very very close friends on the way. I even run a VRC meet and get to do my small part in trying to make the muscle, size and fandom in general a little happier in my own way. I have no regrets about this, and I never will. I will continue to do this as well, but last year, I found myself burning out hard toward the end of the year. I was losing patience with myself, with my hobbies with people around me which is not normally me. So why? Why was this happening when I should be in a good place?

It took a series of some seriouis hard hitting events around November for me to pull my personal camera back and realise that my own core philosphy was slowly breaking me. I hold a very personal core principle close to my heart that I will always try to be as genuinely me as I can be no matter the circumstance or who I speak to. I want to show care, to show happiness and positivity even if its a person I just met because I feel it gives my life purpose - but in a way this is also naive of me because it is inhumanly possible to do this in a fandom so well connected to social media.

Unlike meeting your friends once in a while when you can, to keep up, minutes turn to hours, hours to days of being glued to discord, twitter or telegram. Although it is fun, and although I wish I could keep up - I realised it was burning the wick harder and harder until I felt I was losing that part of me that is able to stand against the storm when people need it. I can't be genuine to those I care about and around me if I burn myself so hard that I dont have the energy to be genuine.

At the end of the day, I took a hiatus from all social media over December, and... well I felt healthier. It made me realise that over the time I have been in the fandom, it has become my comfort zone. It is what I breathe, want, expect, engage with and I never break away with it because its comfortable to be here. And this is the main failing point. I realise, that I have started to stray away from the hard fight, the battles IRL, spreading my wings in other circles, furthering my hobbies or even keeping up with other friends because im sitting in this cushy space and im the kind of person who is *demotivated* by that sort of thing. If ortha wants to be the behemoth he wants to be, then Ortha needs to be as deep as an ocean and as wide as a pool, not a puddle the size of a planet.

This year, I intend to break that cycle.

I know many people will feel abandoned, betrayed or upset about this move, but I can only hope that people who have interacted with me will understand that this does not come out of a dark place, but one where I need to take the initiative to get my life back on track. I can only ask for that understanding but if it can't be, then I am willing to also face that music.

In lieu of that and effective immediate:

1 - I will be greatly limiting my time on social media, to the point where I may go silent for pretty much all aside from art updates. I am not leaving the fandom, but I want to focus my time outside of it. Less telegram. Less Discord DM. Less scrolling.

2 - I cannot keep up with all the DMs, I want to, and its formed a cyclic addiction to me being on the phone until I break, so I will interact on a personal level when I can, but I will switch to rather being more active on my discord server if poeple want to reach me. In the future, if you want to poke me, poke me on my discord server (not dms) and if I am around, Ill be chatting with all of you! Heck knows, more activity on the server will give it the life it deserves too!

3 - Ortha will still find his way into art, I will still do 3d and animations and post about that. Who knows, I may even with the social media cut have time to record or stream my work for people.

I don't know how well I am going to do but I do hope you are able to understand my positioning, my motives and well, wish me luck on a fairly daunting habit to break.

Hey All!

I thought aside form the featured post in my gallery, I should put out a post in the journal for easy reference to the behemoth model base.

For those who have no idea what I am talking about, I have created a VR and animation ready behemoth model that can be purchased, customised and used on Gumroad.

To find out more, check out the page itself, accompanied by showcase video!

FA post: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48586883/
Gumroad: https://ortha.gumroad.com/l/behemoth_base_model

This was a tough journal to put together. Actually, this has been a tough thing to think about for a while now but as part of my own new year's resolution, I have decided to take the steps into being a bit more confident about myself and my choices.

Two years ago, I could very much say I was a different behemoth. My goals in the fandom were largely different from where I am now. Before, even at a subconscious level, I think there was ambition or drive to become known for my art and to possibly even turn my hobby of 3D modeling into a small business.

Being green to the whole thing, I threw wide the gates and took on 8 model commissions, thinking I would be able to finish each one within about 2 months. Although it is possible to do, I found my pride in my work making these models take months at a time - personally crafting everything from scratch to make sure the commissioner got something that made them feel 'at home'

Don't get me wrong, I am still proud of my work - but that means my 8 model commission queue has become a 2 - 3 year mission.

This has been weighing on my mind, as over these two years, how I view my personal time and what I do for hobbies away from my actual job has changed significantly and I've just not had the courage to do anything about it. Until today that is. I want to protect my love for doing art as a hobby on an if-and-when-can basis and the commission queue has been dictating what I do with my spare time for years now. So, with a fairly heavy heart, but with eyes looking toward the future, I will be canceling my current backlog of model commissions. I will still complete those I had begun work on, but those that have not been started will be canceled.

I will still be doing art, and I may even take a single commission on an ad-hoc basis, but for now, I want to take back the reins of my free time. I will be informing each person in my queue that this affects, but I wanted to post this as a message to those I cannot contact or those who looked toward me for commissions. No money was ever charged until a model was completed, so the queue merely acted as a way of organising my tasks.

I want to thank everyone who liked my work enough to support me, and enough to even request that I do work for them. It is a regret of mine that I'm not able to push for it - but, I do accept that this would make it feel like a job for me and not something I do in my spare time.

What do I plan to do with this 'free time' going forward?

- For one, I want to revisit some of my older works and bring them up to standard, including my own model which has anatomy issues if you know where to look
- I would like to up my game when it comes to clothing, texture work, and animation
- Dabble in taur models and getting those rigged and working
- Creating public base models people can use and edit
- Creature creation which may turn into adoptable models in the future

However, let me learn from my past mistakes and see how far along with this I actually get. :P

Hi all!

Sorry for the long silence! As I had mentioned previously this has been somewhat of a recharge period for me for the new year. However, sitting at the precipice of the new festivities I wanted to be a sentimental behemoth and put some thoughts to paper that I wanted to share across a few servers.

The past two years have been a crazy adventure for me. Through both dark and light times, I have had the opportunity to create things I have always wanted to and to grow in ways I had never expected to. I have had to make easy and difficult choices in my life that have really put a lot of things into perspective for me, and especially on my own future. It sounds odd when I write it, but I stick to my words when I say that the fandom has left me changed, and for the better, I think.

That sort of change, however, could never have happened without the people I have met, those that I have interacted with frequently, those who supported me from the sides, and even the few that have scorned me. Each and every one of those moments has resulted in me finding a new joy in my life; a new way to put into perspective the potential of the future and the drive to carry on through good and hard times.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank each and every one of you for those opportunities, for every ripple - small, to major, has helped shape my mindset for the future and that is a gift that is on par with a divine blessing.

In the coming days, may the Christmas and New Years' celebrations lead you and your families to greater joys and adventures. See the beauty and potential of the world and yourself, and how even every small action can change the life of someone in this world. Aeons know, so many of you have given me the ability to be proud of what I made. To be proud of who I am. You changed my life.

So again, thank you for being who you are. Thank you for existing in this world. Thank you for being beautiful.

Hey All,

I hope you all find yourself super. It's been an interest up and down mentally this year, but I think things have finally gotten to a good point again. It's taken some really hard choices, reframing of what I want vs what my mind thinks it wants and a little bit of elbow grease but I think I am in a better space overall.

Having said that, Thank you all for your kind words and support along the way that's helped keep me grounded.

On top of that, I have art I have to share! It may not be everyone's cup of tea - but as I mentioned in my previous journal. They're now being done for me :3

Hello all!

It's been a while, hasn't it? First and foremost, I should apologise for just going silent and this journal post will probably explain why that happened, but today I mainly just wanted to share some self-reflecting and thoughts that have been going through my mind the last couple of months.

My journey in the fandom, only being genuinely active in it for about 1.6 years now, has been an exciting and emotionally filled one. I started off as a lurker, in all honesty, and through chance and luck found a small community of similar-taste furs which gave me the confidence to feel accepted. The transition from lurker to active participant followed and sooner than later I found myself with a sona - Ortha. Originally, I created Ortha purely based on the concept of a writer (Ortha, being a pun on the word "author"). That took a little more flight in my brain than I thought it would and suddenly Ortha had a backstory that represented events that I myself was dealing with at a meta-level, as well as a vessel for the kind of person I wanted to be - that regardless of station, someone who remained genuine and kind to those he meets.

Have I succeeded in being that person? No. Honestly, I don't think that journey will and ever should come to a close. However, it has given me many opportunities to self reflect and look at my own behaviours. The problem, however, is that I somehow, beginning around 2021 lost sight of that. I bit deep into the apple of pleasure and kinks and suddenly I was in a loop of buying art to justify my existence rather than using my actions to do so. It felt good to have art out there - to be acknowledged, to have a Twitter account. It was great validation that I existed and the feel-good nature of that lead me to spend stupid amounts of money and maintaining a ridiculously high social presence that honestly... started to eat away at the real me.

I spread myself thin, tried to talk with so many people at the same time that my social life began to wither. Still felt good though, so I kept at it. Took me quite a few knocks off of a high perch to realise I had become addicted to the routine than actually being a genuine person and that I was actively harming good people who deserved nothing but the best. My silence on these social platforms is a result of me realising this addiction and stopping it in its tracks. If I get art, it's going to be for me, because I want it rather than a social statement. If I'm going to be on social media, it's going to be about sharing my own art, created with my hands over trying to rake up a following. I kept throwing art into the magic pot hoping to see what was coming next that I became blind to seeing the awesome people I had already met and truly cared for.

I should clarify, this is no comment on the artists I've worked with. They've been so amazing, skill-wise and patience-wise with my admittedly crazy kinks. I can only appreciate what they do for the fandom, allowing us to breathe lives either into our guilty pleasures or concepts closer to our hearts. The problem here is that I personally stopped being an adult and stopped focusing on why I am spending money.

Having said that, It also made me realise how deep-as-puddle wide-as-an-ocean I have been with the people I have been talking to and I'm honestly truly sorry about that.

Truth be told, and it's no real excuse I can use - I am actually a genuinely introverted person with a lot of tools I use to cope and seem extroverted. All of the social stuff, it's kind of tough on me. Often leaving me exhausted, but smiling. The problem is when that happens consistently for months. It wears energy levels lower and lower - and then when drama comes around I am unable to be my usual patient self and it starts knocking on my self-confidence. The moment that happens, I tend to start spiralling and have to use a pretty heavy-handed monkey wrench to yeet myself out of it.

Regardless of the super highs and lows I've been through, I want to look at all of this with positive framing and focus on what my steps look like in the future. All of this has given me perspective on my tolerance levels and honestly helped me understand how to deal with my usual 'yes-man' syndrome. It has pinpointed a lot of flaws in myself I want to address and also made me critically think about my addictive behaviours.

Do I regret any of the choices I have made? No, honestly no. Every time I fall or step into the wrong place, it gives me the opportunity to learn and grow. I'd do all of this again in the same way if I went back in time just because I feel at the end of this long tunnel I will come out a better person, so long as I choose to focus on improving myself.

To those I have been chatting to consistently or had the pleasure of meeting: Even if I have gone quiet - I want you to know that you left a positive mark and impact on me. That regardless of what life has thrown at you, and regardless of whether that moment was high or low - you gave me the opportunity to self reflect, to smile and to frown. You made a difference in this random behemoths life. All of those emotions is what lets me stand where I am and allows me to see what's over the next hurdle and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Where to from here? I'm not entirely sure where that road takes me. You may see some art on this profile or my Twitter depending on the mood but I'll likely be far less active than people remember. All I can ask is for your understanding that this is me trying to stop spreading so wide and just be me. I am no saint, nor am I perfect and perhaps this seems like an incredibly selfish thing to do. Honestly, it is. However, I think it is the space needed to give me a new lease on how I run my life and what I do with the time I have available to me.

Final words. The one thing I will miss is being able to talk to everyone who has been working hard in the creative space. Regardless of your skill, creativity should be celebrated and I would honestly love to see each and every one of you with those aspirations feel empowered to at least put your work out there and be proud of it. Don't do it for the likes, do it for yourself. You never know, you might just create that one thing that gives you a new angle on life - the one thing that lets you see aspects of yourself you never knew.

Hi all,

It's not often that I end up writing an essay about some of the things on my mind but I think it's important to share this time, especially since it will affect those who have been in frequent contact with me through apps such as telegram. There will be a TLDR at the bottom of this journal, so if you're not interested in the thought process and want to get to the point, please scroll down.

When I joined the fandom, about a year and a half ago, I had made a promise to myself that I would try to remain as authentic as I can be to everyone who contacts me. I've never been someone who believes in giving less than my 100% when it comes to meeting people or interacting with them. My goal has always been to try and bring positivity to people, as the community I have been in contact with has done for me. I do so without the expectation of anything in return - knowing that people could have possibly smiled that day? That is rewarding enough.

In this journey, I've met amazing and beautiful people I can consider as friends, best friends, or even brothers/sisters and then there's also the amazing people who have reached out to me to share their ideas and concepts born from the passion within their hearts and its been an honour to be a part of that, and to help enkindle that fire even further.

Anyway, back to the main point. I decided to open telegram publicly, started speaking to more and more people trying to be myself as much as I can... and I spread myself thinner and thinner and thinner until I sit where I am now with a realisation that I am unable to mentally keep up with it all.

I know it may sound like a first-world problem, that I could just slow down with it. Well, probably, you're right, but it feels wrong to me to give someone 10% of who I am. That's not me then, it's just someone responding to a message without having the right intent. I've been starting to forget conversations I've had, and promises I've made, in a flood of messages every day and yesterday it sort of came to a head.

Things have gotten to the point where I have to actively make the choice to spend time on my life or stare at the phone for hours on end. It's started eating into my job time, my time with my family, my eating habits, and even sleeping habits. I've pushed as hard as I can to try and remain present but it feels like I am currently juggling way too many balls in the air and they're starting to fall. The worst part is when they fall, they hurt the people I originally wanted to bring happiness to.

To me, the pin dropped when I started hearing from a multitude of people asking me if I still considered them as friends, or if they were worth my time and this is the exact opposite of how I feel. Everyone has been worth my time, I have just been shit at managing my own life around this and set up expectations I could not hope to follow.

Having said that, I am not one to linger on a problem but focus on the way forward. This was a hard choice to make, but I need to start picking up the pieces of my mess and putting it back together again and to do that I need to stop trying to be in a thousand places all at once. To those who have been in contact with me through Telegram, I will from today be noticeably less responsive. I was going to cut it out of my life completely, but I don't want to cut ties with people I love spending time with. However, the middle ground is that I will respond when and if I can in a way that is not detrimental to my mental health.

I want to be very clear to any of my friends reading this journal. My lack of responses does not mean I do not care about you, or that I want to distance myself from you. It is just that I need to take back some of my time to make sure I don't implode. Contacting me through my discord server or in group chats will probably be easier because we can chat en masse - but hundreds of private DM threads. Well. Im a muscle-bound behemoth, not a computer that's good at multi-tasking.

I can only ask for your trust and understanding when it comes to this. I realise I will probably lose a few people I love talking to over this, but I have to put stability first.

---

TLDR:

To those who have been in contact with me through Telegram, I will from today be noticeably less responsive. I was going to cut it out of my life completely, but I don't want to cut ties with people I love spending time with.

I want to be very clear to any of my friends reading this journal. My lack of responses does not mean I do not care about you, or that I want to distance myself from you. It is just that I need to take back some of my time to make sure I don't implode.

I can only ask for your trust and understanding when it comes to this. I realise I will probably lose a few people I love talking to over this, but I have to put stability first.

Hi All!

Another quick journal from my side to just send out a heartfelt thanks to those who have watched, faved and commented on my work here and on Twitter. You guys are all rock stars!

I usually would thank everyone individually but with a lot of IRL responsibilities that popped up last month, I have fallen behind by quite a large number. I hope this journal reaches your eyes, and if it does, know that this behemoth is super grateful to have your support!

- Ortha

I eventually caved and decided to make a public discord for those interested in the Orthaniverse lore. Talk to the people featured in the document, pop in for a chat, or talk lore with me!

Orthaniverse Discord: >Join here<

Hey folks, had a bit of an account scare with telegram and had to reset it.

If I disappeared there, please don't worry, you can reinitiate a conversation with me with the same tag as before! (@Aeon_Ortha) or use the same link attached to my FA profile

Hello!

Curse FA's comment limit! I just wanted to post up this journal to say a huge and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has given favs and watches on my profile and gallery!

You are all absolute rock stars and I'd behemoth hug every one of you!

I caved.

I've been debating doing this for a while and never quite making the step - but multiple factors have made me reconsider. It's just opened so it's a tad bland, bit I'll get to populating it soon!

So if anyone is interested, you can find me at https://twitter.com/AeonOrtha?s=09!

(@AeonOrtha)

I'll be posting picture updates there and here, but I'll be a lot more vocal and talkative on that side. Curious Cat seems like a fun thing to keep up with.

https://curiouscat.qa/AeonOrtha

Here is the link if you ever want to throw questions my way!

Hello!

I have recently been itching to find artists who are willing to do some muscley art of my oc for telegram stickers, possibly even a taur pic!

Anyone know anyone they can recommend :3?

Hi all!

There's been a wave of previous watchers and new watchers and I just wanted again to say thank you to you all!

Thank you so much for your support and I hope that my current and future additions to my gallery will be enjoyable! You are all rock stars!

In a small scrapper village settled amongst the dunes of a vast desert; a meteor falls and changes the course of our protagonist's life!

Monsters grow bigger and stronger by the second and it is up to you to outgrow, to swell and to command the future of this world.

Sound tantalizing? Want to play a game where muscle growth, nsfw, sprawling story elements and interesting combat unites?

Check out Dawn of Corruption! A text based rpg which aims to give you just that. We are still in the development phase but release regularly!

For more details, check out  sombreve's page,
Visit our discord or join our telegram! All details can be found on the big purple guy's page above.

Hi all!

As some of you know, I recently moved my gallery to this profile and I've slowly been getting it up to speed.

At the same time, theres been a huge number of rewatches, new watches and faves, and I just wanted to post a massive behemoth-sized thank you to all of you fantastic furs! Your support is highly appreciated and I hope you continue to enjoy what's in my gallery!