An update journal. This quote from Star Trek: DS9 sums things up well.


"Commence station security log, stardate 47282.5. At the request of Commander Sisko, I will hereafter be recording a daily log of law enforcement affairs. The reason for this exercise is beyond my comprehension, except perhaps that Humans have a compulsion to keep records and lists and files – so many, in fact, that they have to invent new ways to store them microscopically, otherwise their records would overrun all known civilization. My own very adequate memory not being good enough for Starfleet, I am pleased to put my voice to this official record of this day. Everything's under control. End log."

Life is pretty good. I'm still around. Very busy. Sometimes stressed. But worth it.

2017 was TOUGH. I don't want to do it again. That's not to say that it wasn't a good year for Alkora and I. However, we were under an intense amount of stress and financial strain, trying to make our dreams take flight. But I believe this also was crucial to improving ourselves. We didn't have the ability to stand still and not improve. It was improve or die. Everything, every suit we made, had to be the highest quality we were capable of. And guess what?

We succeeded.

And though we aren't in that critical "improve or die" phase, we still strive to improve with each suit that we make. If it's not an improvement, and if it doesn't make me cry ('cause I'm a sap who gets overly emotional) then it gets reworked.

I'm going to take a look back throughout the year and I can tell you what I was thinking and what was going on behind the scenes.

January 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23133361/ - Alkora the Rabbit
The first fursuit of the year and the first since incorporating. We premiered this at the MNFurs holiday party, and I was so proud of it. We didn't have many of the processes in place when we made this. We were still building our workshop, and we were trying very hard to get commissioners. I wasn't too stressed quite yet. I had a significant amount in savings, and I knew we could coast on it for awhile. Which is good because we were still very new and business wasn't flowing in. I had concerns about our production times. It took us too long to pump out this fursuit, and I remember crunching numbers and was pretty freaked out. We needed to go faster but not compromise quality. We needed to innovate what we were doing.

February 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23220674/ - Jay the Bunny
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23133644/ - Lucky the Rabbit
Our first two commissions. These were the first 3D printed heads we constructed - the culmination of weeks of R&D behind the scenes. True fact - we actually take up to one week each month to R&D new processes and ways of doing things. These version one 3D printed heads felt like a game changer and we were both optimistic. Lucky also proved that we could complete a rush order if we needed to. We figured out her owner was going to a convention and decided we wanted her to have it in time for it - essentially we did most of the build in 3 days. We literally worked around the clock to surprise her with it in time for the con.
After these commissions we decided to invest in some studio lighting and a backdrop, so we could take more professional looking photos.

March 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23356152/ - Havoc the Husky
We didn't have any commissions during this time frame and my savings were starting to get thinner. We knew we needed to be able to start paying ourselves within the next month or two. Plus we didn't just want to sit around and not do anything, so we decided to start making characters to auction. With Havoc, our goal was to do more head shaping and also to do some body shaping using fur shaving techniques. We invested in a $150 pet grooming shaver, and it gave us a lot more control.

April 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23606657/ - Francis the Wolf
After Havok, we decided we wanted to push ourselves more with the shaping of the head. We wanted him to have attitude. We were both really happy with him. Though the stakes were getting higher. We needed this guy to sell. I still had money saved up, but not as much. I needed Francis to sell so I could continue to up the amount Alkora and I were paying ourselves and eventually stop the bleeding from my bank account. I remember going for a walk in the middle of the night to a local park, during the final hour of our auction. I was so nervous. There's also a feeling like, if this auction doesn't do well, that means people don't like what we've made... and when you are as passionate as Alkora and I are and you are wearing your heart on your shoulder... it's an emotional experience. The good news is, he did sell! And to a really good performer.

May 2017
During this month, we made a fursuit that didn't live up to our standards and we scrapped it. It was V1 of an Angel Dragon named Minty. Eventually we re-made him much later in the year, but he began in May. He wasn't horrible but he was a definite step backwards. As I said earlier in my post, if it doesn't meet the highest standards, we start over. So we buried some of the evidence and put him on the back burner.

June 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23913311/ - Hibiscus the Angel Dragon
Our first digitigrade fursuit of the year. This was also the final time we used our version 1.0 head. More on why in a little bit. This was another auction suit and was a lot of fun. He's Hawaiian, so we wanted him to have bamboo horns. We 3D printed them and I used my years of miniature painting experience to give them a realistic paint job. We sold this guy a week before Anthrocon, and while we were at the convention, we spotted him in the Fursuit Parade. I was really proud watching him.

July - August 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24971918/ - Ochik the Dog (seen on the left of this photo)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24708521/ - Clover the Rabbit
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24659970/ - Watermelon the Red Panda
All of these suits were a lead up to our first time in a Dealers Room - Furry Migration in Minneapolis, MN. They were also all using our V2 3D printed head blank. Version 2 was something being prototyped off and on for months. It provided better shaping and allowed all kinds of 3D printed add-ons. On the surface level, this meant custom muzzles, cheeks, eyebrows, etc could all be printed and snapped into place. It made it so even though we were streamlining the process, every suit was custom and different. Below the surface, the new 3D printed skull meant it allowed for fan slots in the muzzle, LEDs, and was more comfortable to wear. Also during this time frame, we had a local teen over and were helping to nurture her interest in costume making. She's actually the one modeling Watermelon.

As for the convention, we didn't sell a ton in the dealers room, but we met many good friends and got our name out there.

September 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24900407/ - Metro Mutt
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25146137/ - Minty the Dutch Angel Dragon
We began the month working on Metro Mutt, who was to be debuted at the MNFurs Fall Picnic on the 2nd weekend of the month. Metro Mutt was our first 3/4 suit. When we were contacted earlier in the year to make this character, we jumped at the chance. We really liked the character design and wanted to make it happen. And we were able to make the deadline and he premiered at the Picnic as planned. We had a couple weeks before our next commission was to began and decided we wanted to give Minty, our Angel Dragon character, another shot. We decided to go all out on him - we wanted to do a lot with shaping so we made him chunky and gave him digitigrade legs. We also wanted to use the opportunity to continue developing our heads and using more dynamic shaping. I'm still really proud of how he came out. He was a new bench mark for us.

October 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25429781/ - Binxie the Rabbit Plush Suit
This suit was a journey. It was like climbing Mt Everest. It was a journey that began months before, with lots of careful considerations and research. Plush Suits, for those who don't know, are meant to resemble a giant stuffed animal. The suit is all sewn together, one piece - there's a zipper stretching from the head all the way down the back. You are completely reliant on a handler to get you in and out of fursuit. There's also a giant, over-sized maker tag on it, to match the scale of the maker tag you'd find on a smaller plush toy. It was a big undertaking but one we feel better off for making. We don't shy away from a challenge. Unfortunately most of this month was actually our worst emotionally of the year. We had a number of commissioners pull out and us being a small business, and a first year small business, there was a good deal of financial and emotional pain. We made it through but there was definitely some soul searching and careful budgeting.

November 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25648372/ - Robbie the Hyena
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25680473/ - Midnight the Cat (2nd from the left)
These two suits were made leading up to Midwest Furfest. Robbie was another experimental suit that we would be auctioning. With this suit, we took the lessons learned while making Minty, and we amped it up a few levels. He was just a fun character. He had 3D printed pegs in his ears, stars in his eyes, more shaping around the eyebrows and cheeks than previous suits, and had interchangeable magnetic tongues. And he passed the make Aerak cry test. We saw him completed in the middle of the night and I just lost it - I was so overcome with emotion seeing him in one piece and how good he looked. He was the new benchmark. Immediately following Robbie, we got to work on Midnight's fursuit. Looking back at the build, I don't know how we finished this one in time. We were multitasking like crazy and putting in 16 hour work days... for like 4 days straight. And then we left for MFF. Midnight is our first cat. We custom designed his muzzle and wanted a big smile carved into his cheeks. We also changed up our design with his ears since he has cat ears but we also wanted them angled so a robin hood styled hat could fit between them. This suit also passed the make me cry test. Like I said, this is an important test.

December 2017
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25877360/ - Novastar the Husky
Novastar I've referred to throughout the year as my Hollyhock. I guess I'm her mentor / father figure? And I guess she's like my not biological daughter? At any rate. Her family decided to commission me for a surprise fursuit for her to be delivered on Christmas. We took video surprising her with it, and it's really precious. Super cute. Novastar utilized our new airbrush system. We were able to give her a giant snoot and do some really cool pearlescent paint effects to it. Her eyes were also airbrushed and because of this, the color is much more vivid than what we were able to get before. She also has an LED blush effect, touch activated with sensors in the cheeks. There's a small buzzer inside the head letting the wearing know when the effect is active. Plus there's a fan in the muzzle.

During December we were featured on Furry Amino and our commissions began blowing up. At the time of my writing this, we have one slot open during the Spring of 2018. Otherwise we are completely booked for the next 6 months.

January 2018
This is an exciting month for us. Among other things, one of the projects we are most excited to be working on is a Zootopia Fox character for auction. For this suit, we are completely redesigning the feet, hands, and head, and we'll be working the body shaping to try to match the Zootopia style as closely as possible.

So that's our year in review. We are taking commissions for Summer - as soon as those fill we are closing our doors for a month or two so we can play catch-up. I'm super proud of everything we have accomplished this year and very thankful for all of the support we've received along the way and new friends we have made.

Hello, 2018! =3

It was an amazing convention - one of the best convention experiences I have had. But not without some bumps. Luckily, all of the amazing made up for the not so amazing. So let's get the not so amazing out of the way first.

The BAD or Annoying
I was hoping to meet up with one or two people in particular - people I cared about a lot. And unfortunately that didn't happen. I felt really hurt, and really bummed out. I still feel really hurt. But I don't want this to turn sad, because so much of the convention was great.

Walk of doom between the Hyatt and Convention center was like a sauna and that's the last thing you want while fursuiting. Staff knows about it. I, working a hotel dept for a different con (FM), understand it. It'll get worked out next year.

I waited 3 and a half hours in the Registration line. That beat my previous record of waiting in line for reg at MFF which was ten minutes.

Culture - how do you preserve an amazing culture when the convention is so big? This is something in convention land, I smof about a lot. I think it's always on event runners' radars... how do you preserve quality? Well, the good news is that "quality" is still there. The programming and function space and staff of both the convention and their venues, are in sync. The bad news is that as more people attend the convention, the percentage of "stupid people doing stupid things" stays the same, but the number of them gets higher. Alkora and I had to find help for a drunk in the lobby Friday night who couldn't stand, but his friends were insisting he was "okay" and he could, "walk it off". I tailed them while Alkora want for security. Then Flyingfire and I had to stand around for ten minutes keeping people from slipping on all the puke on the floor. This isn't the convention's fault - but I think it is a problem with furry as a whole - especially in the US. Europe seems to have it down from my experience there. But people in this country don't always seem to know when to stop drinking. And I worry. I worry because we have several MC's in our community that personify drinking and give the image that "drinking constantly" is acceptable. I think that's dangerous, and it's not helping to mentor our community, especially as more and more kids get involved.

The GOOD

It's mostly good.

I don't even know where to start. I guess probably with my room mates, Larus and Oreo. We're all friend's locally, and click pretty well. That led to a pretty good room mate situation. There was no drama and lots of cool times watching Spongebob Squarepants Christmas Specials.

So other things.

I get so sentimental about things sometimes. This fursuiting journey that is Blue Rabbit Studios... it started a year ago with Reese the Pine Martin, who I brought with to MFF and was suiting around as. I had a sign we made and I remember bouncing around in suit and thinking it was pretty good and being proud of myself and Alkora. Just one year ago. And I'm at the convention, and everywhere I go, I have memories from previous years connected to it. And if someone showed me a year ago what Alkora and I would be able to accomplish in just one year... the jump in quality, I wouldn't believe it. A year ago, we had a dream. It was just a dream - somewhere in the ether of our imaginations. And now it's not so much a dream. We're doing it, and we are getting better, and we are developing a community of awesome people.

This MFF, I don't think we really had a goal. We decided to bring a personal suit. Robbie. We were suppose to auction him before the convention but commissions have started coming in more quickly and we don't have too much urgency to sell him. So we decided to sell him after the convention and to suit around as him throughout the convention. And I REALLY love him. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him when he was 100% completed. I got so overwhelmed I may have cried. Luckily there is no proof of this. At any rate, I spent at least 6 hours a day in fursuit and in character, and I really loved it.

We also finished a commission for Midnight in time for the convention, so we brought that, too. I was kinda mean and refused to show him a picture of the head before the convention because I wanted to surprise him with it. He wore that fursuit A LOT. And he was part of the opening act for the Dance Competition. It was really cool seeing him bounce all around the convention.

I also got to meet Cade Corgi, who owns Francis the Wolf. He's probably one of the best "silent" fursuiters I have seen, and a much better performer than me. He refusing to talk in fursuit, or to break character, even in the fursuit lounge. Yet, I was able to have a conversation with him and understand all his pantomiming.

On Saturday we arranged a small photoshoot - only 5 of our fursuits were at the convention and one fursuiter had to bow out last minute because he wasn't feeling well. So not a huge turn out of fursuiters. Kurst agreed to help as the photographer and right as we were about to take our company pictures, we got photobombed by like 30 hoofed fursuiters who decided to start their photoshoot. Kurst laughed his head off and after recovering, we decided to take the pictures outside. I'm pretty sure they turned out well, and should receive them by tomorrow.

I had some nice talks with people. I talked a bunch with Exile the Huscoon, who, when I met him about twelve years ago, was a crazy rule breaker who would push any boundary he could. Now he's on the board of directors for two different furry conventions. It's interesting how people change. So we smof'd about conventions and event running and community building. I hungout a bunch with Midnight and we suited here and there together. I hungout with Flyingfire here and there. Which was a little difficult because she was in the artist alley a lot. We spent a lot of time playing phone tag. Got to hangout for a bit Sunday night with Pat though by the time it worked out we were both pretty tired. I talked a lot with Blue Heeler, who I've known for about as long as Huscoon. He swore to me that the Furry Variety Show would not be cringy this year.

So speaking of programming - Blue was right. The variety show was amazing. The acts were so good and so organized and I was dazzled. The dance comp was amazing as well. And then there's paneling. Latinvixen, who I've also known for a crazy long time and commissioned 3 fursuits from over the years, was the guest of honor this year and ran some fursuit making panels. I missed her foam carving one - which is fine because I have that skillset - but I gotta say, her airbrushing panel was fantastic. She's helped me out a lot over the years. She's given me a lot of advice, and she's brought a lot of characters to life - she even designed my fursona - what would become my fursona. She's really awesome and I'm really thankful to her.

Room Parties - I attended one. Alkora and I got to meet Arthro who we'd known online for a very long time but never met in person. Fun guy. Though I feel weird having a cop run a room party and serve me drinks. They were GOOD drinks but I felt like a sting operation was about to happen. Arashiin was there with a horrible liquer called Malort... which is horrible in a funny way. It was fun hanging out with all of them. Got to meet Landis there as well - another online friend.. more so Alkora's. It was fun talking to him.

I talk to a lot of people in passing. I chatted once or twice with Whiteyfawks who's another veteran fursuit maker (been around longer than any current fursuit maker, actually). We met each other and hungout at Confuzzled when he and Alkora were guests of honor. Fun guy. Crazy partier. We chatted a bit with Captain Furry, and not as much with our friend BW as I was hoping. I ran into my local friend Raijen and his bf a few times. I talked to people who recognized Blue Rabbit Studios and that was different and nice from a year ago. I talked to Redflare and her girlfriend. Talked to some future extended family. I'm missing people, I'm sure.

Overall... I really get inspired from MFF. Whether that's from Duncan and Takaza who once upon a time sat down with me over dinner to tell me how to run a Hotel Dept for a convention, or from Quasi Skunk who probably is one of the people to blame in getting me started volunteering.... darn... it was a tough year for losing people. Um... *gives himself a moment to recover* Whether from the leadership of the convention and it's staff, or some of the amazing attendees or from our extended family with BRS, I always leave this convention feeling excited and ready to take on and try new things and push myself even farther.

Let's see what the future will bring.

If you were expecting a big, long journal, this isn't it.

Things with my fursuit business are beginning to stabilize - the hard work for the past year is beginning to pay off.

Local events have been fun and rewarding.

Friends have been there for me.

Midwest Furfest is coming up fast.

I'm happy.

I'm typing on my laptop and have 22% battery remaining. So lets make this brief. Or not so brief and I'll just type up a novel really quickly.

I spent a lot of my time tonight thinking about the past. I don't really do that too often. Most of my time this past year I've been stuck in the present - anxiety and stress about starting a business has anchored me here. But tonight I let my mind drift to the past and everything I have been through since joining the fandom - basically everything since starting my adult life. I took a lot of time remembering in detail many of the key events that have led me here. And I have concluded that I have really had a good life. I have some really good memories. And allowing myself to travel back to those times ended up being a therapeutic experience that has put me in a very chill, relaxed mood.

I'm going to try not to talk about my business during this journal. Also, this is for me - just going to be upfront with that. If you are reading this, I do appreciate it, but the goal of this is to put down my thoughts and get them out of my head. They aren't doing anybody any good up there.

My life currently is very hard. My passion for what I'm doing is driving me forward, hoping that if enough people see that passion, my fursuit business will succeed (this is the only moment I'm bringing up business). That last sentence is for context. Life is hard because I'm willing to live in an uncomfortable spot in the present because I'm stubborn and passionate. If I wasn't passionate about this, I would get a different job and would probably be living more comfortably. But I feel like I have to shoot for my dreams. I just.. have to. I believe years from now, if I make it through this, I'll probably end up thinking back to this - the humble beginnings of my dream. And I think I will laugh off how difficult things were, and remember fondly working side by side with my boyfriend, creating works of art. I think I'll remember having a bunch of our fursuits at the MNFurs Fall Picnic this year and remembering the feeling of seeing the people who own the fursuits having fun and making a difference, and the times where I got choked up seeing Clover, one of our rabbits, playing with the kids, wear I struggled to keep it together since crying in public is not something I like to be seen doing. Maybe I'll remember back to one of our first commissions - and the story our commissioner told us of her first convention fursuiting and the running into a random family of a kid going through heart surgery.

I feel major amounts of anxiety every day. And there are days I worry that my dream and the dream of my boyfriend won't gain enough support fast enough to make it off the ground. There are days I worry for the future and that I'm going to be forced back to corporate America. There's days where I feel frustration for what others have that I do not. I have days where that voice in my head says, "Aerak, you can't..", and I remind myself, I've been having that voice in my head all my life, and I refuse to listen to it. That voice says I can't but I do it anyway. Because, screw that voice - I have become a public figure, and I have done interviews with the media, I have organized events, I have helped negotiate contracts for conventions, and I have become the president of a non profit organization. I have done all of those things regardless of any voice in my head saying, I can't.

I have days of anxiety, but I have days of exuberance, of passion, of seeing a project come together, or seeing people I care about happy. Of finding new people to care about who I didn't know before. Of meeting new life long friends. In the end, we all of good days and bad, but it's up to everyone of us how we choose to deal with it and how we choose to live.

I spent a lot of my time tonight thinking about the past.I thought about Alkora and I working our butts off to make a couple of bunny fursuits for a holiday party. We had so much fun fursuiting there. Someone even drew us gift art of our bunnies. We have no idea who did the art, but we still have it, framed and in our bedroom dresser. I remember back to driving through a blizzard to get to the south metro for a weekend long board retreat. It took me two hours to drive someplace that would take me 20 minutes any other day. I met the other board members at Ikea for dinner and had Salmon Lasagna - which btw was amazing and weird. Why would you put salmon in lasagna? Crazy Swedish people. I remember driving to our hotel afterwards. And of sitting in the lobby and reading a book. I even remember the book. I remember so many memories. There was one time I was going to the movies to meet up with a bunch of random furries. I had to drive from work and pickup Alkora first and drop him off at the apartment. I was so frustrated that I had to pick him up because I feared being late for the movie. But I wasn't late. Made it to the mall next to the theater, super early. I bought a peacoat at JCPenny because it was Fall and starting to get cold and I didn't bring a jacket. I went to the food court afterwards and met up with friends, new and old, and then after a lovely meal of orange chicken loaded with an insane amount of chinese mustard (which I really have a craving for right now), we went to see the movie. I also remember all the times my boyfriend was at art school late into the evenings and I'd stop at a cozy, gay friendly coffee shop for hours and would read while waiting for him. Wilde Roast. Good place. They are much more successful now and moved into a gigantic location, but it just isn't the same as the old location.

I have all these random, vivid memories flooding back and I realize that overall, my life has been really good. I don't remember too much bad - there was of course, but the good always made up for it. However, there is one thing that looking back has shown me. There was a point in my life where I was making a lot of money. I had an entertainment budget of around $60 each day that I could just throw away. And I did. Alkora and I ate out at fancy restaurants daily, multiple times a day. If I had something I wanted to buy, I bought it. And now I look back, now that I'm living on a budget, and I think to myself how wasteful it all was. I could have lived more moderately and could have invested the extra money into a house or something. Or just saved a bunch of it up for a rainy day. But I didn't. And looking back, that aspect of my past seems fairly ridiculous. Right now, this month, October, I don't even have an entertainment budget. I have -zero-. Three commissioners we were expecting to come in for November all pulled out. For a fledgling business, this sucks. But my point isn't, oh whoa is me, but rather... take a look at the things in life that really matter. All that money I blew eating out all the time, and driving around in a fancy car that was burning a hole in my pocket, I could have used to help people. I could have donated some of it. I could have invested in artists I cared about. I could have made things better for my friends and family.

Hindsight is 20/20. The past is a great teacher. Moving forward, I want to spend wisely and invest in my dreams. I want to share my passion for my dreams with everyone around me. I want to help people and help to make people happy. And I want to not be anxious. I want to believe that I'm trying my hardest, and as long as Alkora and I keep trying our hardest, there's no need to worry because everything will work out fine.

Hey there, fluffs!

It’s really scary being a first year business. We have been trying our best to make things work. We are in the black, but money is tight and we could really use some help from our community to solidify our dream and take it to the next level. Plus we have a really nifty idea!

This company is founded on our dream – to help others get a fursuit so they can live their dream! Nothing makes us happier than seeing our creations making a difference in this world. To that affect, and to pad our bank account just a little to help our business grow, WE NEED YOUR HELP! We want to do a monthly fursuit raffle on Twitter – an opportunity for someone within the community to win a free fursuit of their fursona, no strings attached. Not everyone is lucky enough to afford a fursuit on their own, but that doesn’t make them any less deserving of one.

If you would like to help us, to help support our business, and to help support our cause, please consider joining the Blue Rabbit Studios Family on Patreon and telling your friends about us.

https://www.patreon.com/bluerabbitstudios

That's a Bojack Horseman season 4 reference, by the way. If you haven't watched it yet, watch it. If you have watched it, you'll understand.

Also if you have not watched it, DO NOT keep reading because my journal and how this character relates to my life may spoil a plot point.

You've been warned.

Okay. So. February of this year is when our story begins. One of my responsibilities as president of mnfurs is to welcome new members. And a big part of that has become welcoming families... Which is pretty cool. A lot more of the youth are getting into furry, and their parents are actually supportive and getting involved as well. So anyway. It's February and I find out one of the new membership goes to my old highschool. And I do the thing I do for mnfurs - I meet the family and figure out how mnfurs can help them. And it turns out, this girl who joined, she's gone through so much. She's lost close family members, but she's so upbeat. And I asked her, "how?", and she responded, "I want to make people smile and be happy. I want to do it for the people I've lost that can't be there to do it themselves. I want to pay it forward."

At that exact moment I knew that I wanted to do everything I could for her and her family.

Her grandma stepped in and helps take care of everyone. She works so hard to make sure her family is provided for. Just... Horrible things have happened to this family, but they are so strong and there for each other. It's really inspiring.

So over the months, I've become a mentor and somewhere during this time, paternal instincts I didn't know I had started kicking in. I've become, "papa fox". And... It's been unexpected. Much like what happened in Bojack Horseman - completely unexpected, but kind of amazing and rewarding and really fulfilling.

The overall message here is, I encourage you to be a mentor to someone. Whether that person is in their teens or twenties, it doesn't make a difference. Just that you are helping someone and believing in them - that can make all the difference.

-Brit's Pub is amazing
-The people who work with me to run the convention are amazing
-Our director of consuite is an extra kind of amazing. Seriously, our consuite this year was so good. Full meals and good selections.
-Being a dealer is a mixed bag. Super encouraging being able to talk to so many people, but not too many sales (some post-con commissions possibly)
-Many of the Hyatt staff are incredible.
-A large amount of the food was tasty and reasonably priced
-Our videogame room doubled in size and was one of the best attended spaces
-Opening and Closing ceremonies went well and had good energy.
-The charity had adorable kittens and puppies.
-The guests of honor were really cool and informative. They were easy to talk to and joke around with.

I'm probably forgetting something. Overall it was a good convention.

Hi fluffs! Welcome to an installment of Aerak speaks his mind. It's like... I think a yearly thing, that is often times fueled by being up late with candles and thunderstorms outside. Tonight is such a night. Which is amazing. I love thunderstorms. I love the rustle of the trees, the pitter patter of rain drops on the ground. And the smell. I've always found it so tranquil and relaxing. There could be a tornado going on a few blocks away, and I'd be curled up with a good book, just loving how amazing nature is.

But I didn't decide to pull out my laptop and write my love of thunderstorms. I wanted to write about... anything. Dang. Anything. That would be amazing. As the journal title says, I miss the days when nobody knew me. I mean... *thinks and scratches behind his ear* I love what I'm doing now. I love being the president of a pretty large and well organized furgroup. The only one of it's scope that I'm aware of. I love helping to run Furry Migration. And I love Blue Rabbit Studios - the culmination of all my dreams over the last decade. I love all of that stuff. But what I don't love is having to watch what I'd say. Like, let's say a hate group of 2,000+ people existed in a college town somewhere, and deep down I'm thinking - these people are absolutely horrible. And lets say one of them runs over a bunch of counter protesters. I'd be tempted to say how disgusted I am that hate groups exist - that everyone is different, and special, and amazing, and everyone has the right to exist, be respected, and be able to live their lives. But then I think, "Oh... if I say something like that, a bunch of people might say, "Aerak represents MNFurs or Aerak represents Blue Rabbit Studios", what have you, and then they say, "Hmmm. These views aren't quite the same as mine. Screw those organizations Aerak represents. And screw Aerak. Stupid fox, bunny, whatever he is"...

Extreme example. In this case, I'm 100% okay saying none of the organizations I represent have any tolerance at all for hate groups. If you are a hate group and you're reading this, you are welcome to hate me, and you are welcome to never buy a fursuit from me or appear at any of our events. But.... *slicks his ears back*... But there are plenty of views that are not black and white. There are many thoughts that are just opinions, but I'm afraid to post stuff like that because of what I just said. The more organizations you represent, the more out there you are, the more you have to think before you speak. And... *pauses and rubs his muzzle in thought*

It's lonely. It's isolating. Even the decision of whether or not to post this journal is something I'm still struggling with. I'm leaning towards yes, but part of me still worries that there will be some negative consequence to speaking my mind. If you are reading this, I guess we know what I chose. And I know it's probably silly. I'm not -that- well known. I mean... across all platforms I might be actively followed by a couple thousand people... pretty low for a fursuiter. Lol, I don't know what I'm doing wrong XD.

There are some things I overall will not post about, as a rule, regardless if no one know me or not. I don't post politics. I think we should all work together to make this world amazing - that's about as political as we need to get. I don't post about my beliefs. But I can. I believe most people are pretty amazing. I believe in a lot of you - a lot of you inspire me and have shaped my life in one way or another. I believe we all have the capacity to make a difference. I believe in love and the power a hug can have. And I believe that I love making fursuits and love empowering people to live their dreams.

Usually I also don't post about event running, because if I do, I might say something like how I think people who run large scale events shouldn't be well known. My greatest pride as an event runner is seeing people come together and have fun with their friends, and make new friends. I believe that if an event goes well, people should give no thought at all to who ran it. It should be seamless. All that people should take away from it is that they had fun. If it's the other way around, I guess that's fine, but it's not my style. And posting about it at all is like a call to attention - "OMG did you know Aerak runs events??? Wait... wasn't he talking smack about how event runners shouldn't be out for attention. Hypocrite!"

I'm not usually one of those. I'm usually *chuckles* the most thoughtful, organized, forgetful person you will meet. I care about people. I guess that's the biggest key to understanding Aerak. I care... and I usually care far too much. There's like entire handfuls of people on my friend's list that I wish I could just give a big hug to. Tell them I believe in them. Tell them they inspire me and I think they are amazing. Yep. Lots of amazing people. So I guess I really don't wish for the day when nobody knew me.... because then I also wouldn't have the honor of knowing them. Double edged sword.

I remember when I was younger... 19... wow... that's a while ago now. Anyway. I remember when I was first getting into this fandom and I was using livejournal. If you have never heard of that site - consider yourself lucky! There was a time, long before my boyfriend created FA, that all we had was a blog called livejournal and it was a den of drama. People would post anything and everything to it. And oh the drama that would ensure. It united the fandom at the time... finding furry artists was a pain back then - it was treasure hunting. And I think during the LJ days is where the term, "furry drama" originated. So moving on. I posted my thoughts there every day. If something or someone upset me, I posted it there. It became a circle of angst. Post about drama, your post causes drama, you post about that drama. It's an endless cycle.

Wow, I really don't miss those days at all. What was I thinking saying I did??

The lesson learned is regardless of if you represent an organization or not, and whether or not you are well known, you in fact DON'T have to post about every detail and facet of your life for everyone to see. I think that there's something lost to doing that. And you may not hold that opinion, and that's OKAY. I have found, for myself, that I enjoy talking. I enjoy posting some of my passions online, like fursuit making for instance, and that gives people an in, so that they can talk to me more in person. I would much rather get to know you and vise versa in person instead of sharing everything online - an opinion that drives one or two people I know completely crazy. But you know, *shrugs* that's just who I am. When people see my online, I just want them to see me as a fursuit making bunny. Or an event running fox.

So in closing this journal.

I do not miss the days when nobody knew me.
I do not miss the days when snap judgements led to furry drama.
I do, however, miss the days when I could allow myself to be vulnerable and let people know that I needed a hug or needed to be held, without the thought in the back of my head telling me that was a weakness.

Angel Dragons are a pain in the butt.

Like, they look amazing, but jeez are they a pain to work on.

So, Alkora and I have two angel dragons to create before Anthrocon. And then we are vendors at Furry Migration in late August, and we have 5 fursuits to make in time for that.

It's going to be a very busy summer. ^_^

At least once with every fursuit  alkora and I make at  bluerabbitstudios. I end up crying.

True Story.

We made a bunny suit with a heart on the front. We shipped it to our commissioner at FWA. A family at the hotel not connected with the convention saw it. The family had a daughter who was going through open heart surgery, and they took a picture of the fursuit to show her once she came out of surgery. I got choked up and bawled for about an hour.

Recently we shipped Havoc the Husky to his new owner. Upon getting it he complimented the on the quality and compared his excitement to his first fursuit from Mixed Candy ten years ago. That hit a cord with me because Latinvixen made my first fursuit around then, too. I started thinking about all the lives Havoc would touch. And again, I lost it.

I have never been happier or prouder in what I've been doing.

I hope we can reach more people. I hope more people can see what we are doing and let us bring their characters to life.

www.blue-rabbit-studios.com

I'm so thankful for all the amazing people in my life. And just when I think I've met all the awesome people, another one comes into my life and encourages and inspires me.

This past month featured many highs and one or two lows. Let's get the lows out of the way.

Fursquared
As a leader in the MNFurs community, I have been hesitant on whether or to speak out about my experience at F2. We got there Thursday night and got our room and the first thing that happens is a bunch of drunk kids (yes kids) comes knocking on our hotel room door. Though calling them drunk is probably an understatement. Plastered, with no comprehension of when to stop drinking is more like it. Anyway, they come up carrying one of their friends and telling us that they brought us our room mate. Of course, we didn't have a room mate, so they went stumbling to the next door. Every night there Alkora and I felt uncomfortable. I was with Carrie too, and she's a super tiny lady and I literally did not feel good at all leaving her alone because of the atmosphere and that security seemed spread so thin.

It's fine to have booze at a convention. I went to Confuzzled and there was beer flowing everywhere, yet I talked to the security Saturday night and they hadn't had to help a single person to their room from public intoxication. Why? Because Confuzzled promoted moderation. It's okay to drink socially, just don't overdue it. And that's a very UK thing while I was visiting. But Fursquared, unfortunately for them and whether or not they realize it, has spent years promoting and educating that it's okay to get plastered, that it's cool to do. And I don't know if the staff there has ever put two and two together, but it's what's happened. And it's why many of the people I talked to have gone once and haven't gone back. Which is a shame. I want to like Fur Squared. It's close by and some of my friends go to it and I should be able to go to it too. And I don't want to make it sound like the staff doesn't care. I think they care a lot, but I think they have a lot they should consider.

Fursuit Making
We just got done working on a tengu (Japanese crow) and we are doing two bunny commissions. After that we don't have any other commissions and will be making characters for direct sale. If you'd like to commission us, help support us and because part of the BR Studios family, please visit blue-rabbit-studios.com and click the quote button.

Alkora's been perfecting a new way to make heads, making a 3D printed skull and a jaw that uses ballbearing hinges. We are almost done with the first suit using this head build and will be posting pictures later in the week.

MNFurs
I'm so proud of the people in our community. We have our elections next weekend, so this is the last week of being President of the organization. After this week, who knows. I'm hoping to get re-elected, but whether I'm sitting on the board or not, it's still a victory for our community. I'm just in awe over everything we've created together. Year round events of all types, a successful convention... I just can't wait to see what is next.

A real update will be coming soon. Last journal I mentioned I was going to Fursquared.

I wasn't impressed and won't be back.

I'll be getting in stupid late tonight. I have an appointment with my accountant I need to go to before I can hit the road. I was going to leave tomorrow but heard we might get hit with a blizzard.

It occurs to me that I haven't made a "me" journal in quite awhile. I made a journal not too long ago telling why I don't make "me" journals very often, but overall I haven't told much of substance in regards to how I am doing personally. I spend a lot of time talking about the organizations and projects I'm involved in. That's mostly what I care about, so it's not like I'm not being genuine.

Minnesota Furs
You know, a little over a year ago I was thinking of stepping away from my involvement in Minnesota Furs. I have a great deal of pride in the organization. I mean, why wouldn't I? We are, I think, the most organized year round furry organization in the world. I had to put "year round" because there are certainly quite a few orgs setup to run conventions that do a damn good job. But anyway, I was thinking of stepping away from it and concentrating on myself. During that time frame I was having a career crisis, and I just wasn't handling it very well. So I told our board of directors that I would be stepping down in a few months, around the time of last year's election (we are a 501(c3) nonprofit - so we have to hold yearly elections). I knew stepping down would not make the board happy. In fact, I knew that at least a few people would probably try to convince me to stay. They would use the opportunity of the upcoming board business reteat, to make me reconsider. But, I was determined to stick to my guns. And then I was at the retreat and as predicted, a few people on the board talked to me about staying. One was Kurst Hyperyote, who is now Furry Migration's chairman. He told me that I should stay; that I was very good at talking to people and that whenever I did, my passion for the group came through and he didn't want our organization to lose that. He wasn't the only one. But what he says sticks out in my mind because of how passionate he was that I stay. It was a very moving argument. So I thought.... damn. I stayed. After the elections that year, I was voted by the board to be the President of the organization. This would be my second year as President. Staying was the right call. I decided to shift my focus into welcoming people into the group, getting people excited about volunteerism, and trying to better bridge communication between the community and it's board of directors. And now we are close to elections again - this time I'm on the chopping block (we serve alternating two year terms) and I'm running for re-election. I'm excited for the debates coming up. I really like debating - especially when it's for an organization I'm passionate about. Anyway... the TL:DR point of all of this is sometimes our friends know best, and sometimes you have to trust them.

I have no idea by the way who still actually reads these journals. I think I have way more followers on mnfurs.org or twitter. But hey, someone will read all this, right?

There's a lot of people in Minnesota that are a part of our community of furries. But then there are also quite a lot of furries in this state that I wish could be more a part of it because I think they have something to offer. I'm not going to name names, but if you are reading this and in the state and questioning if I mean you, then let's assume yes. There's a ton of staff positions and departments that could use help - some are here already and others we are trying to get off the ground. There's a lot of artists in this state. And there are a lot of fursuit makers too. There are a lot of people I admire, and they don't even know it. They probably don't even know they are on my radar. I wish we could do more together. Artist meetups. How-to sessions at some of our larger monthly furmeets. Fursuit maker meet and greets. I think there's so much more we could be doing as a community.


Fursuit Making
Blue Rabbit Studios LLC is now a legit business. I haven't really talked about much behind the scenes. I've helped to run small businesses before. I actually have a lot of experience in it. You create a business and you want that business to have an identity and then you start thinking about this word - branding. For BR Studios, we want people to imagine a couple of bunny rabbits with needles and thread working on costumes side by side. We want people to see our passion for making fursuits and seeing commissioners bring those suits to life. That's the important stuff.

So, lets dig deeper and be honest for a moment. Starting this company and getting commissioners in the door (which we have now, woo!) has been one of the most rewarding and down right scary things I have done in my life. Following your dreams is the hard road - it would have been so much easier to fall back on my management skills and just get a job in management at an established business. It definitely would have been more profitable, at least initially. But, it's not about money. That's something I have figured out in the last year. Money used to be the lure. More money = higher quality of living. Right? More money = cooler car, bigger living space, tastier food. Right?
...
I thought so. But no. It's a trap. Money is great. If you are lucky enough to be a millionaire, that's great! But money doesn't always equal security. Many people who earn more money find more ways to spend it - more bills and expenses. And then suddenly, more stress.

My fursuit making goals are simple. I want to live comfortably, making enough to get by. I want to make enough to keep the doors open. I want the opportunity to make fursuits for people. That's creating life from nothing - that's sacred spiritual stuff right there. Right in line with why animators animate. I want to make a fursuit, and I want who ever gets that fursuit to use it to help make the world a better place. Because no matter what type of animal you are, change starts with you.


Writing
I'm writing again. Fiction. About 2,000 words per day. It really makes me happy. Right now, I'm writing a novel sized back story for a character I'm getting ready to play in a Pathfinder campaign. Why would I go through all that trouble? Well... because growing up, I wanted to be an actor.
...
I know. Pretty corny.
...
When I'm doing my best to be in character, when I'm making people care about that character and bringing life to it, that's the closest I can get to that childhood dream.

Anyway. I have shared my story with a few people, and they think it's really good. Since there's backstory stuff and I don't want to spoil the "reveal" of the character for my Pathfinder group, I'm probably going to wait a few months before I begin posting it. But I'm looking forward to being able to do it and hopefully, though I know nobody on FA reads stories, that at least a few people will enjoy it.


Closing
Don't be afraid. Fear and stress destroy your creativity, they destroy your ability to enjoy life, and they destroy your ability to problem solve. Be positive. Everything will be alright.

I think we live in a day where it's all too easy to post every little detail of our lives online. Heck, I was doing that back in the Livejournal days of furry. Anyone remember those?? Well, anywho, I used to have a big issue with drama in my life and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why. And then I did - I figured it out. I was too public with private information. I was sharing all sorts of intimate details of my life online with everyone, and well, that led to lots of drama and if I was passionate about something and posted in a rush without thinking it through, it also led to damage to my image and my core message: A fox who wants to help people.

I post an awful lot about organizations I'm involved with. I'm the president of a rather large furgroup, and I run the hotel department of a growing furry convention. And I'm also now the owner of a fursuit business. I'm super passionate about all of those things, and so that's most of what I talk about online and the image that I choose to portray. Outside of those things though, I choose not to post online. I don't post discussions with friends. I don't post about relationship stuff. I don't post about my greatest fears. All of those things in my mind have no place in my presence online, because in many regards those things are either boring or aren't anyone's business.

Online I just want people to see a happy-go-lucky fox who's bouncy and just wants to help people, because at my core, that's who I am. That's the message most important to me.

-Make fursuits for people and make dreams come true
-Get paid for fursuits so I don't go broke and can live comfortably
-Get re-elected on the MNFurs board of directors
-Make it to more conventions
-Have  bluerabbitstudios host Thanksgiving and a Holiday party
-Extract the maximum amount of fun from everything I do.

My last goals - be a good friend, and be a good boyfriend.

I think it's really tempting to say that 2016 sucked. It's an easy statement to make - just look back to all the celebrity deaths, Brexit, and the growing rift in the U.S. that played out during the Presidential election. And for myself personally, I lost a job of eight years, and my boyfriend lost a job he's had for years.

So let's go in depth with the bad and then we'll have a look at the good.

Bad:
-The first 5 months of the year I was at a job that became toxic and I was dealing with lots of anxiety problems because of it on a daily basis.
-I'm pretty sure during those months I was majorly depressed. I didn't feel joy. The best I could do was not to feel anxious.
-In June right after returning from Confuzzled, I lost my job.
-In August, my boyfriend, Alkora, lost his job.

Good:
-I visited the UK for Confuzzled! I loved being there and being immersed in a new culture (albeit not too different from the one I'm used to). Plus, the UK is beautiful!
-MN has a very good unemployment program and Alkora and I were both able to get benefits while coming up with a plan.
-It was my third year co-running Furry Migration's Hotel Department with my friend, Pat.
-Alkora and I decided it was finally time to follow our dreams and start our fursuit company. We've done a number of suits and already have a handful of commissions.
-Alkora regained his creativity. I haven't seen him in this good a mood in years.
-I mostly worked out my anxiety issues and have been making sure to enjoy each day as much as possible.
-Midwest Furfest this year was excellent! Every second there was spent around friends and people I care about.
-My friends, Ridayah, Drake and I are close to accomplishing one of my dreams for the local fur group. (purposely vague for the next week or two)


2016 was a very rough year. It wasn't easy. But change never is.

Here's hoping 2017 can be a year where I build on the momentum of 2016. I'm chasing my dream and I'm so close. I'm hoping in 2017 I'll catch it.

I kind of was thinking that Midwest Furfest would turn into an advertising convention for the fursuit business I'm trying to create. That was my idea going into it. I wasn't too terribly excited... my expectations were honestly low. I did not get much enjoyment out of the convention in 2015. Surprisingly, MFF 2016 was amazing. It was such a great convention.

This was the first year ever that I didn't stay at the convention hotel. We got a room across the street. This allowed me to escape the crowds every now and then, which was nice. On the other hand, fursuiting was something that needed a ton of planning since it required a long walk to and from my room. I managed to get out in suit for about 4 hours on Saturday. Was planning on Sunday too, but the snow made it pretty inconvenient.

I gotta say, not any vanity here -  alkora and I created Reese the Pine Marten - and I gotta say, he was a blast to fursuit in. He's an asshole. He walked up and interogated people on if they were squirrels so he could eat them. As long as they weren't white squirrels which he deemed natures rejects and not worthy of eating. I have never played a snarky in your face character before. So much fun. ^_^

The thing I'm going to remember most about this year's MFF are the friends I was able to connect with (when the terrible cell reception allowed it), and the really cool restaurants we went to. There's a German pub a few blocks away from the Hyatt that is just incredible. I think just about every furry convention I will have at least a few moments here and there of feeling lonely. I didn't feel that way at this convention though - there were always people around me that I cared about.

Hotel
Dat one across the street. The Hilton (sorry corporate Hyatt friends). Last year the hotel was booked and they set me up in a broom closet. No joke.

Arrival/Departure
Thursday afternoon - Monday Morning

Means of transportation
Wheels

Sharing a room with
 alkora and 2 mystery people (he knows them, I don't)

Who do you hang out with?
 alkora  flyingfire  kitsunekla and hopefully Jade, Hemlock Fox, BW, Larus and Oreo. And all the people I'm forgetting because I've been fursuit making all day and am tired.

Gender
Guy

Preference
Guys or girls. Just not at the same time.

Relationship Status
Taken

How old are you?
31

How tall are you?
6'

Are you an Artist?
Fursuit maker!

Do you have an artist table?
I have a bunch at home =P

Do you take commissions?
Yes! Alkora and I are using this convention to showcase our work and hopefully get more commissions so we can make our dreams a reality!

Do you do trades?
Not right now.

Are you a Fursuiter?
I am!

Attending parties?
Whichever ones I get invited to. =)

Do you drink?
When the mood is right.

Can I buy you a drink?
Please!

Do you smoke?
Nope. Hate cigarette smoke. Though if anyone has a cigar I indulge once every year or so. =D

Are you attending any panels?
Maybe. Mostly going there to fursuit and connect with people.

Stage or public performance?
Public! The variety show stage is cursed.

How do I identify myself to you?
Come up and talk to me. Like a person? You know??? I mean... really? If you don't know how to say hello... maybe this isn't the convention for you. Hello is a pretty low standard.

Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
I love hugs and snugs, but please ask first.

How can I find you?
Look for this guy: http://blue-rabbit-studios.com/wp-c.....se_Bowling.jpg
Or look for my purple-eyed foxy.

Can I talk to you?
That's the plan.

Can I give you lots of money?
Please! In return I'll give you a fursuit! =)

Can I give you stuff?
Yes...?

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Just ask first.

Can I come to dinner with you?
Most likely!

Can I hang out with you?
Probably! I'm going to be doing lots of fursuiting.

Can I take your picture?
Go for it!

How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
If I wasn't looking to socialize, I wouldn't be at a convention.

Personality Type?
Outgoing??

Any goals?
It's really important for Alkora and I to get a group of people interested in filling our commission queue! Like, super important. We want to make suits for people because it's something we can do to make the world a better place. So please, if you are interested in helping support our dream (and getting a really cool and well constructed fursuit), checkout our fursuits at MFF and checkout our website!
http://blue-rabbit-studios.com/

http://blue-rabbit-studios.com/

Hi, every bunny! (and you non-bunnies, too)

Midwest Furfest is FAST approaching, and we are looking forward to getting away from the blueberry patch and showing everyone what we have been working on. We hope we are able to share our excitement with you!

Making custom mascots has been our life’s goal. And at this point in our lives, we are finally ready to step away from the carrot farm and follow our dreams. We are hoping to fill our commission queue as soon as possible. For anyone interested in commissioning us, we sure would appreciate it! We each have over ten years experience making costumes, and are committed to getting your costume done quickly and staying in contact with you throughout the entire process.

Whether you are a bunny or not, all species are welcome here at Blue Rabbit Studios!

http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/09/polit.....ets/index.html

If you are a supporter of anyone besides Trump and are worried for the future, the best thing you can do is let your voice be heard. And that's the advice I would give the other side if too if Trump lost. Lawmakers need to see how upset and divided we are as a nation. So as long as the protests stay peaceful, they need to happen.

Hi everyone!

Thank you for checking out my journal. Today, I'm going to talk about Furry Migration.

This year it felt like a real convention, and not just a really big get-together; of which MNFurs does an awful lot of. We upped our game in regards to programming, opening and closing Ceremonies, consuite and artist alley. And we had some really great guests of honor, and just about all of our previous guests of honor were there as well.

Next year is going to be HUGE for us. We are moving spots in the hotel to one that is much more centralized with everything else going on there. Plus it's double the square footage!

The people are who I value the most. We have so many amazing and inspiring furries who attended our convention. I really feel like every year I am migrating home.