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Update to the 2016's Death Journal
Posted 8 years agoPerhaps I should upload these as close to the cusp of the new year as possible...
Because December 31 still has chances for things to happen and.
Something happened.
AND IT IS NOT A GOOD THING...
Because December 31 still has chances for things to happen and.
Something happened.
AND IT IS NOT A GOOD THING...
2016's Death...
Posted 8 years ago2015: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7281359/
2014: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6383942/
2013: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5371693/
2016... Wow. What. A Year. What can be said about 2016 that hasn't been mentioned already? I mean this has got to be one of the most turbulent years in recent memory! With all the artist deaths among media, the social unrest, both internal and external, and of course, the politics.
Wow.
It's be no exaggeration to call this year among the most hectic yet.
For me personally though...? ...The sentiments are the same. 2016 has got to be the most eventful and important year of my life yet for so many reasons I'll get in to. I mean hooooly shit. I knew this year was gonna be big. But this big? Holy shit. Where do I even start!? Oh yeah. January of course...
So uh...
JANUARY
The year didn't really start off too eventful though. January was more of a preparation sort of month. It was in January that we initially planned to move and all this nonsense while I continued working at Walmart and yadda yadda. Well it was also at the end of the month that I officially announced my Winter's Gallows project that I had been working on since the past October in 2015 after being cheated on. I am still committed to finishing to this day despite everything in the way.
FEBRUARY
And it begins. At the start of February, I found out the move date and had to prepare forthwith to anticipate it. That date being, the 26th.
Or so it was SUPPOSED to be... I mean jeezus, things couldn't have gone more awry. If you want more info, then check this journal. But long story short, we didn't get out until the 28th. >:( We would cross the border into the following month before we get to our destination...
Also in Febs, was the announcement of Pokemon Sun and Moon. Wow. That long ago now huh...
MARCH
We arrive in Sierra Vista, Arizona, where I would live to this day right now, almost 10 months later. But yeah... for a HUGE chunk of March, I was without internet or any solid way of communicating with you guys... Yeah... Essentially march was our "trying to settle down" month. It was... rocky. I still think it's complete BS that you can't get a job without a place of residence. AND VICE FUCKING VERSA. That is NOT OKAY. Also anyone remember the great atrocity card flood? I do and... I still feel bad for letting that happen...
Bleck.
APRIL
April was probably the quietest month of this year... When this month comes to mind, all that I can think is... ...getting to know the town I was now in... That's about it. Probably the most noteworthy thing is a shiny Buizel in Pokemon finally hatching after 7 months of hunting but that's about it, eh?
Although I do have to say that our financial troubles began when we first tried to get down here. Because of the delays, we ended up wasting more money trying to rectify everything. That trouble began to grow more obvious this month...
MAY
Oh boy, May.... Yeah this wasn't a good month. I think y'all would remember why... This was when I felt forced to hit the panic button and call for help. And... well, I'll admit to you that I actually did have SOME money to fall back on, BUT! But... I knew that it was all gonna poof poof away... and damn it I was right. Had I not gotten the help I called out for, I'd... probably not be here at all right now...
It just figures that not long after SOSing the fandom, I get a job interview scheduled at the death of the month...
Still... it all mattered in the end. Good lord. I seriously need to thank each and everyone who helped. So uh... thank you! ...I'm not good at this.
One GOOD thing about this month, was that I finally got to meet my boyfriend in person for the first time! ^^
...Haven't been able to do it again since though... :(
JUNE
I go back to Walmart, yay... ...
Pffffbbbtttt... Fucking hell. I am not happy that things had to end up THAT way, but yeah. They have. But this was something that needed to happen. Unfortunately. I have to cut my losses and just accept it.
Still haven't!
Okay, so June wasn't really important for much else, other than the release of Star Ocean 5 at the end of the month. I had been waiting since April 2015 for it... and... well... it's a piece of shit. Worse than No Man's Sky by far. It deserves its 5/10 rating! Jeezus! What have they done to my beloved franchise!? No!
But one good thing? The reveal of my sixth fursona, William Perow, the Snow Leopard that represents determination and resilience.
JULY
...Okay so maybe July was more uneventful. Maybe I feel that way because tensions were rising between me and my mom regarding the whole money situation. This... caused my depression to spike something horrible in July. I dunno who noticed this besides the boyfriend, but yeah. It was not good.
Especially with Star Ocean 5 failing me at nearly every turn and new job being a total bitchloid for various reasons.
July wasn't fun Although compared to the entirety of 2014, July 2016 looked like February 2013. Which means July wasn't that bad at all in comparison...
Bleck. I guess...
Oh yeah and Aegis of Iridescence, I guess... I will return to that project when Winter's Gallows is finished.
AUGUST
It was decided. Because my mom had lost her job sometime this month, fully, and that it was impossible for her to find a new one... she uh... kinda had to go, or we both would have gone off the deep end... ...that and I needed to focus on raising money to get to my boyfriend who lived 150 miles away! ARGH! This is what we get, for landing in Sierra Vista, Arizona instead of the Phoenix area! All sorts of shit! Bah... Lower crime rate and lower temperatures, my tailhole! I'll weather anything for the one I love...
And that is kind of what I am doing right this very moment...
Anyways, August was another relatively uneventful month. Kinda the same as July really... ....Only even more tense.
SEPTEMBER
I just said that 2016 was the most eventful year yet. The last two months have been so boring!
Oh wait! It's September to the rescue!
Holy shit this month.
Wow. Where do I EVEN BEGIN?!
Oh. I know... Let's just say that this month, raped my savings. Big time. For way more reasons than I CAN COUNT. Now ya see why I hit the panic button in May? It was all in anticipation for this moment. After the rent was paid at the end of the month, I HAD A WHOPPING $3 LEFT IN MY ACCOUNT. Could NOT have cut it more close if we tried! Like holy shit! How can that be!? L-Like I said... if not for the help I got in May/June... I'd be... ...Let's not think about that...
This month... also saw the departure of my mother, whom I lived with for 19 years, 8 months, and 4 weeks. And I have been living without her since, for the past 3 months, 2 weeks, 4 days.... Yup. Independent fox. For the most part. I do have a roommate who's helping me cope with the bills and such and we're helping each other save more money and yadda yadda.
Gah... I remember there was a promise at the 2015 death journal... that I would go to a con/meet this year.
Welp, September was my chance, but as I said. Ultimate. Money. Carnage.
AND to round out the end of the month, we have the breaking down of my laptop charger of which I STILL have to replace... ...once I find out what I need specifically that is...
OCTOBER
More money carnage. Though thank the hellish lords above that it was not as bad as the previous month. Work settled down too, only to start back again the following month. Which made me a very upset fox. Also in October, I come to terms with my loneliness and problems that I've had within the fandom itself. I decided that I needed to find a way to... not be an awful presence here, which I still feel like. 'Course, I did not make those feelings known until November, but that's because... I don't like sharing my feelings abroad anymore. Remember, Klaus the otter, represents my increasing reticence.
In October, I released an official reference sheet drawn by me for Aero the fox. ...I WOULD have made ones for my other characters, but my fucking pen broke and now I cannot.
BLECK!
NOVEMBER
Pokemon Sun and Moon!
Employee of the month (THE HELL!?)
The goddamn election..
And a total bitchloidal switch around with the structure of work at work. Which royally fucked me over a bit. ...Hopefully things are getting better in THAT regard, but uh... ...pleh.
Other than that, I've been starting to make a slow and steady recovery in regards to my money situation. I've stabilized for the moment and if my damn roommate would pay his rent, I'd actually be in good shape! He owes me so much >:(
It's not like I don't understand why... it's a long story, but in the end, whatever. Just wish he would just stop putting it off SO DAMN MUCH. GRR.
DECEMBER
I leave adolescence behind forever... Is it bad, that I am actually kind of missing it already? ...Probably. But I guess what matters is that I am young at heart.
Anyways December was another kind of eh, month. Just kinda biding out what's left of the time before the year ends...
If anything, December was full of Sun and Moon, the Secret Santa projects on IB, trying to deal with work, work, and work some more, blehegh.
I dunno what to say anymore other than. December also was the instigation of me... well... plotting stuff not only for 2017, but the years abroad.
UPDATE!!! 12 hours after uploading this recap, uh... my boyfriend and I... are kinda... ...no more. So yeah. Single fox. Yaaay... What. A way. To end. This year. Losing my entire purpose to be in Arizona...
And ya know what? It doesn't even hurt THAT bad... I've just gotten so used to the heartache and heartbreak that... I'm beginning to build an immunity to it!
That doesn't change the fact that I am all alone again so...
BLEEEECCKKK
And that would be it... 2016.
Like I said. What. A. Year.
For me personally, I can't say 2016 was a good or bad year. The only way I can say for sure is if I find out what the results of ALL that I have done this year come to be... And I may not find that out until as late as 2018! Yeah... We're talking some serious long term shizzles here.
LOTS of goals to try and reach in 2017! Can I reach 'em?! We'll see as the year changes once again...
Happy New Years, friends. May your 2017 be better than this... ...very interesting... ...year...
2014: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6383942/
2013: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5371693/
2016... Wow. What. A Year. What can be said about 2016 that hasn't been mentioned already? I mean this has got to be one of the most turbulent years in recent memory! With all the artist deaths among media, the social unrest, both internal and external, and of course, the politics.
Wow.
It's be no exaggeration to call this year among the most hectic yet.
For me personally though...? ...The sentiments are the same. 2016 has got to be the most eventful and important year of my life yet for so many reasons I'll get in to. I mean hooooly shit. I knew this year was gonna be big. But this big? Holy shit. Where do I even start!? Oh yeah. January of course...
So uh...
JANUARY
The year didn't really start off too eventful though. January was more of a preparation sort of month. It was in January that we initially planned to move and all this nonsense while I continued working at Walmart and yadda yadda. Well it was also at the end of the month that I officially announced my Winter's Gallows project that I had been working on since the past October in 2015 after being cheated on. I am still committed to finishing to this day despite everything in the way.
FEBRUARY
And it begins. At the start of February, I found out the move date and had to prepare forthwith to anticipate it. That date being, the 26th.
Or so it was SUPPOSED to be... I mean jeezus, things couldn't have gone more awry. If you want more info, then check this journal. But long story short, we didn't get out until the 28th. >:( We would cross the border into the following month before we get to our destination...
Also in Febs, was the announcement of Pokemon Sun and Moon. Wow. That long ago now huh...
MARCH
We arrive in Sierra Vista, Arizona, where I would live to this day right now, almost 10 months later. But yeah... for a HUGE chunk of March, I was without internet or any solid way of communicating with you guys... Yeah... Essentially march was our "trying to settle down" month. It was... rocky. I still think it's complete BS that you can't get a job without a place of residence. AND VICE FUCKING VERSA. That is NOT OKAY. Also anyone remember the great atrocity card flood? I do and... I still feel bad for letting that happen...
Bleck.
APRIL
April was probably the quietest month of this year... When this month comes to mind, all that I can think is... ...getting to know the town I was now in... That's about it. Probably the most noteworthy thing is a shiny Buizel in Pokemon finally hatching after 7 months of hunting but that's about it, eh?
Although I do have to say that our financial troubles began when we first tried to get down here. Because of the delays, we ended up wasting more money trying to rectify everything. That trouble began to grow more obvious this month...
MAY
Oh boy, May.... Yeah this wasn't a good month. I think y'all would remember why... This was when I felt forced to hit the panic button and call for help. And... well, I'll admit to you that I actually did have SOME money to fall back on, BUT! But... I knew that it was all gonna poof poof away... and damn it I was right. Had I not gotten the help I called out for, I'd... probably not be here at all right now...
It just figures that not long after SOSing the fandom, I get a job interview scheduled at the death of the month...
Still... it all mattered in the end. Good lord. I seriously need to thank each and everyone who helped. So uh... thank you! ...I'm not good at this.
One GOOD thing about this month, was that I finally got to meet my boyfriend in person for the first time! ^^
...Haven't been able to do it again since though... :(
JUNE
I go back to Walmart, yay... ...
Pffffbbbtttt... Fucking hell. I am not happy that things had to end up THAT way, but yeah. They have. But this was something that needed to happen. Unfortunately. I have to cut my losses and just accept it.
Still haven't!
Okay, so June wasn't really important for much else, other than the release of Star Ocean 5 at the end of the month. I had been waiting since April 2015 for it... and... well... it's a piece of shit. Worse than No Man's Sky by far. It deserves its 5/10 rating! Jeezus! What have they done to my beloved franchise!? No!
But one good thing? The reveal of my sixth fursona, William Perow, the Snow Leopard that represents determination and resilience.
JULY
...Okay so maybe July was more uneventful. Maybe I feel that way because tensions were rising between me and my mom regarding the whole money situation. This... caused my depression to spike something horrible in July. I dunno who noticed this besides the boyfriend, but yeah. It was not good.
Especially with Star Ocean 5 failing me at nearly every turn and new job being a total bitchloid for various reasons.
July wasn't fun Although compared to the entirety of 2014, July 2016 looked like February 2013. Which means July wasn't that bad at all in comparison...
Bleck. I guess...
Oh yeah and Aegis of Iridescence, I guess... I will return to that project when Winter's Gallows is finished.
AUGUST
It was decided. Because my mom had lost her job sometime this month, fully, and that it was impossible for her to find a new one... she uh... kinda had to go, or we both would have gone off the deep end... ...that and I needed to focus on raising money to get to my boyfriend who lived 150 miles away! ARGH! This is what we get, for landing in Sierra Vista, Arizona instead of the Phoenix area! All sorts of shit! Bah... Lower crime rate and lower temperatures, my tailhole! I'll weather anything for the one I love...
And that is kind of what I am doing right this very moment...
Anyways, August was another relatively uneventful month. Kinda the same as July really... ....Only even more tense.
SEPTEMBER
I just said that 2016 was the most eventful year yet. The last two months have been so boring!
Oh wait! It's September to the rescue!
Holy shit this month.
Wow. Where do I EVEN BEGIN?!
Oh. I know... Let's just say that this month, raped my savings. Big time. For way more reasons than I CAN COUNT. Now ya see why I hit the panic button in May? It was all in anticipation for this moment. After the rent was paid at the end of the month, I HAD A WHOPPING $3 LEFT IN MY ACCOUNT. Could NOT have cut it more close if we tried! Like holy shit! How can that be!? L-Like I said... if not for the help I got in May/June... I'd be... ...Let's not think about that...
This month... also saw the departure of my mother, whom I lived with for 19 years, 8 months, and 4 weeks. And I have been living without her since, for the past 3 months, 2 weeks, 4 days.... Yup. Independent fox. For the most part. I do have a roommate who's helping me cope with the bills and such and we're helping each other save more money and yadda yadda.
Gah... I remember there was a promise at the 2015 death journal... that I would go to a con/meet this year.
Welp, September was my chance, but as I said. Ultimate. Money. Carnage.
AND to round out the end of the month, we have the breaking down of my laptop charger of which I STILL have to replace... ...once I find out what I need specifically that is...
OCTOBER
More money carnage. Though thank the hellish lords above that it was not as bad as the previous month. Work settled down too, only to start back again the following month. Which made me a very upset fox. Also in October, I come to terms with my loneliness and problems that I've had within the fandom itself. I decided that I needed to find a way to... not be an awful presence here, which I still feel like. 'Course, I did not make those feelings known until November, but that's because... I don't like sharing my feelings abroad anymore. Remember, Klaus the otter, represents my increasing reticence.
In October, I released an official reference sheet drawn by me for Aero the fox. ...I WOULD have made ones for my other characters, but my fucking pen broke and now I cannot.
BLECK!
NOVEMBER
Pokemon Sun and Moon!
Employee of the month (THE HELL!?)
The goddamn election..
And a total bitchloidal switch around with the structure of work at work. Which royally fucked me over a bit. ...Hopefully things are getting better in THAT regard, but uh... ...pleh.
Other than that, I've been starting to make a slow and steady recovery in regards to my money situation. I've stabilized for the moment and if my damn roommate would pay his rent, I'd actually be in good shape! He owes me so much >:(
It's not like I don't understand why... it's a long story, but in the end, whatever. Just wish he would just stop putting it off SO DAMN MUCH. GRR.
DECEMBER
I leave adolescence behind forever... Is it bad, that I am actually kind of missing it already? ...Probably. But I guess what matters is that I am young at heart.
Anyways December was another kind of eh, month. Just kinda biding out what's left of the time before the year ends...
If anything, December was full of Sun and Moon, the Secret Santa projects on IB, trying to deal with work, work, and work some more, blehegh.
I dunno what to say anymore other than. December also was the instigation of me... well... plotting stuff not only for 2017, but the years abroad.
UPDATE!!! 12 hours after uploading this recap, uh... my boyfriend and I... are kinda... ...no more. So yeah. Single fox. Yaaay... What. A way. To end. This year. Losing my entire purpose to be in Arizona...
And ya know what? It doesn't even hurt THAT bad... I've just gotten so used to the heartache and heartbreak that... I'm beginning to build an immunity to it!
That doesn't change the fact that I am all alone again so...
BLEEEECCKKK
And that would be it... 2016.
Like I said. What. A. Year.
For me personally, I can't say 2016 was a good or bad year. The only way I can say for sure is if I find out what the results of ALL that I have done this year come to be... And I may not find that out until as late as 2018! Yeah... We're talking some serious long term shizzles here.
LOTS of goals to try and reach in 2017! Can I reach 'em?! We'll see as the year changes once again...
Happy New Years, friends. May your 2017 be better than this... ...very interesting... ...year...
GOAL REACHED. 125K WORDS!
Posted 8 years agoI fucking did it friends. 125-fucking-thousand words invested into Winter's Gallows. The long road to the goal is finally... FINALLY completed!
I think this calls for some celebratory yiffs!
...Please just ignore that last line...
But in all seriousness, I did not think that I would be able to write as much as I have... not at this point in my life...
What started out as a simple vent writing that I started because I was just cheated on, might just become my biggest success...
Nah... it's still probably crap... but it's my crap. A crap that I put so much effort into that it's unreal.
But just because the goal is reached... does not mean the story is over...
In fact, I predict... this book still has another 15,000 words left in it for me to write down...
I think this thing can and will hit around 140,000 words...
Only then... will I call this entire thing, done.
We still got some ways to go left, my friends...
I think this calls for some celebratory yiffs!
...Please just ignore that last line...
But in all seriousness, I did not think that I would be able to write as much as I have... not at this point in my life...
What started out as a simple vent writing that I started because I was just cheated on, might just become my biggest success...
Nah... it's still probably crap... but it's my crap. A crap that I put so much effort into that it's unreal.
But just because the goal is reached... does not mean the story is over...
In fact, I predict... this book still has another 15,000 words left in it for me to write down...
I think this thing can and will hit around 140,000 words...
Only then... will I call this entire thing, done.
We still got some ways to go left, my friends...
WINTER'S GALLOWS FUCK UP
Posted 8 years agoOh my godssss... Why. Why am I the WORST writer on the planet!? Of all damn time!?
Okay so...
In Winter's Gallows... From chapters 8 to 9 to 10 to the 11s and 12s... YEAH ALL OF THEM! In ALL those chapters... I've made a big time error numerous times in all of them. Big time. It's not that noticeable, and it doesn't hamper the story at hand, but... to think that I let something like that slip past me soooo fucking many times is appalling! Astronomically bad! Bad Aero! Worst writer in the history of history!
Argh... I am simply too ashamed to admit what it is... But if you spotted it yourself, then ten out of ten, gold fucking star...
Bleeeeck.
I'll edit it when I finish... :/
It's gonna be a long time to fix all that god damn MESS I created but! Uggh... at least I saw it before I tried to send it in somewhere... THAT would have been a FAR bigger fiasco...
I'm so MAD at myself now... >:(
Okay so...
In Winter's Gallows... From chapters 8 to 9 to 10 to the 11s and 12s... YEAH ALL OF THEM! In ALL those chapters... I've made a big time error numerous times in all of them. Big time. It's not that noticeable, and it doesn't hamper the story at hand, but... to think that I let something like that slip past me soooo fucking many times is appalling! Astronomically bad! Bad Aero! Worst writer in the history of history!
Argh... I am simply too ashamed to admit what it is... But if you spotted it yourself, then ten out of ten, gold fucking star...
Bleeeeck.
I'll edit it when I finish... :/
It's gonna be a long time to fix all that god damn MESS I created but! Uggh... at least I saw it before I tried to send it in somewhere... THAT would have been a FAR bigger fiasco...
I'm so MAD at myself now... >:(
I am a Teenager no More Forever
Posted 8 years agoSo uh...
...Yeah well...
Two decades. I just hit two decades today and uh...
Yeah.
Fun, right...?
Uh... I dunno what to say... Just... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me...
Another step closer to death and time still won't slow down.
So we'll see what happens as I enter a new decade of life.
And stuff.
I dunno.
Bleck.
...Yeah well...
Two decades. I just hit two decades today and uh...
Yeah.
Fun, right...?
Uh... I dunno what to say... Just... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me...
Another step closer to death and time still won't slow down.
So we'll see what happens as I enter a new decade of life.
And stuff.
I dunno.
Bleck.
KIDDING ME
Posted 8 years agoSo uh... yeah. Kinda sorta becoming more certain that my tablet pen IS indeed broken...
Not sure what I am going to do about it since this shizzles are expensivo for a poor peasant like myself.
But I dunno if I NEED one or what, because I keep finding that I am better at drawing with a traditional pencil and stuff so... maybe what I SHOULD invest in is in a scanner...
Because taking pictures of those drawings is NOT a good idea as evidenced by the shite I put up three years ago...
Bleck.
Also birthday in two days.
Two days left as a teenager. What should I feel about this? Joy? Disappointment? Fear? Or nothing at all? Who knows... but the clock keeps ticking and there ain't a thing we can do about it...
Also again because life and a project that MUST take precedence, it does not look like I will be able to finish Winter's Gallows by the start of 2017 after all...
Damn...
One thing is for certain... I DO have a publication date target in mind...
10/7/17
Think I can do it? and... if you know why I chose that date... ...you get a golden star from this golden fox! <3
It's not a good reason though </3
Not sure what I am going to do about it since this shizzles are expensivo for a poor peasant like myself.
But I dunno if I NEED one or what, because I keep finding that I am better at drawing with a traditional pencil and stuff so... maybe what I SHOULD invest in is in a scanner...
Because taking pictures of those drawings is NOT a good idea as evidenced by the shite I put up three years ago...
Bleck.
Also birthday in two days.
Two days left as a teenager. What should I feel about this? Joy? Disappointment? Fear? Or nothing at all? Who knows... but the clock keeps ticking and there ain't a thing we can do about it...
Also again because life and a project that MUST take precedence, it does not look like I will be able to finish Winter's Gallows by the start of 2017 after all...
Damn...
One thing is for certain... I DO have a publication date target in mind...
10/7/17
Think I can do it? and... if you know why I chose that date... ...you get a golden star from this golden fox! <3
It's not a good reason though </3
A Few Random Things to Say...
Posted 9 years agoI will fully admit that I suck at my job, and uh... I somehow got employee of the month for last month? How can this be? It makes no sense, but alright...
Also fuck you tablet pen for (hopefully) having a dead battery RIGHT before I planned to start drawing something for me and my boyfriend's anniversary! :/ UGH!
Also birthday keeps creeping on me. And it scares me. 'Cause I'll be 20. A fucking old fart at that point, eh? :P
Also fuck you tablet pen for (hopefully) having a dead battery RIGHT before I planned to start drawing something for me and my boyfriend's anniversary! :/ UGH!
Also birthday keeps creeping on me. And it scares me. 'Cause I'll be 20. A fucking old fart at that point, eh? :P
DAH HELL
Posted 9 years agoTime, chill the hell out! Slow the eff down PLZ!
You cannot tell me that my birthday is only two weeks away now, can ya!?
HOW CAN THIS BE!?
Well that and we are on the final stretch of the year. Damn it. I want to finish WG by then, but... Pokemon Sun and Moon stole my life and now I have a Secret Santa project on IB to prioritize with...
This shall be a challenge my friends...
But in all seriousness. SLOW DOWN TIME. UGH. IT'S TOO FAST FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN. :<
You cannot tell me that my birthday is only two weeks away now, can ya!?
HOW CAN THIS BE!?
Well that and we are on the final stretch of the year. Damn it. I want to finish WG by then, but... Pokemon Sun and Moon stole my life and now I have a Secret Santa project on IB to prioritize with...
This shall be a challenge my friends...
But in all seriousness. SLOW DOWN TIME. UGH. IT'S TOO FAST FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN. :<
Winter's Gallows "Theme Song"?
Posted 9 years agoSo um...
...I always seem to assign my writing projects with a quote unquote "theme song" that I listen to a lot when I write because it fuels me with ideas, motivations, and confidence that I use to write.
For a long time I wondered... what song would fit this monumental project I am working on?
At first it was My Demons by Starset.
Buuuut I thought that fit its impending prequel, Summer's Gallows much more so...
Then it was Antigravity ALSO by Starset...
But no... it fit Lukan more than the story itself...
I needed something that fit the whole story. That encompasses practically every character in it. The essence of all that I include within...
But I suppose I was looking at the wrong band. While it's true that Starset is my new favorite band, whom they replaced as my favorite held the perfect one...
So I finally settled on Final Masquerade by Linkin Park...
It's perfect.
And it's even more fitting realizing the time this song came out. Summer 2014... right after the heartwrecking fiasco that was the first half of that year... It's intense...
And even MORE so when the song that comes after it in the album... very strongly fits Lukan and Klaus's relationship with... ...well I should not say much more than that, I know that for sure! :P
I suppose I should place a small warning that if you are not too far in the story, then this song could imply some spoilery stuffs if you think about the lyrics to it too much and how they tie in with Winter's Gallows...
Just sayin'.
One last thing before I go. Within the next day or two, I am going to try and start writing the story some more. Because I said I wouldn't take too much longer to work on the 12s and really Aero? Really? Three weeks? You fucking asshole... Just work on it damn it! ...And that is what I plan to do, 'kay...?
...I always seem to assign my writing projects with a quote unquote "theme song" that I listen to a lot when I write because it fuels me with ideas, motivations, and confidence that I use to write.
For a long time I wondered... what song would fit this monumental project I am working on?
At first it was My Demons by Starset.
Buuuut I thought that fit its impending prequel, Summer's Gallows much more so...
Then it was Antigravity ALSO by Starset...
But no... it fit Lukan more than the story itself...
I needed something that fit the whole story. That encompasses practically every character in it. The essence of all that I include within...
But I suppose I was looking at the wrong band. While it's true that Starset is my new favorite band, whom they replaced as my favorite held the perfect one...
So I finally settled on Final Masquerade by Linkin Park...
It's perfect.
And it's even more fitting realizing the time this song came out. Summer 2014... right after the heartwrecking fiasco that was the first half of that year... It's intense...
And even MORE so when the song that comes after it in the album... very strongly fits Lukan and Klaus's relationship with... ...well I should not say much more than that, I know that for sure! :P
I suppose I should place a small warning that if you are not too far in the story, then this song could imply some spoilery stuffs if you think about the lyrics to it too much and how they tie in with Winter's Gallows...
Just sayin'.
One last thing before I go. Within the next day or two, I am going to try and start writing the story some more. Because I said I wouldn't take too much longer to work on the 12s and really Aero? Really? Three weeks? You fucking asshole... Just work on it damn it! ...And that is what I plan to do, 'kay...?
The More I Think About Everything I've Done Here...
Posted 9 years agoThe more I simply do not like any of it. I thoroughly believe I've done everything wrong in this fandom. I'm thinking of revamping my page. Again. For instance.
I'm never satisfied with that thing. It does not help that I'm starting to seriously hate my username as well.
...Well pretty much everything about me and my page. I seriously think I should start over with this fandom. For a number of reasons really...
I think it was a bad idea to split my content between the two accounts I have. I should have stayed with one. This one, or even that one. What made me think having a SFW and NSFW account would matter?
What do you think? Have I played things out in this fandom badly and need a reboot of my own. What can I change? What can I do? What SHOULD I do to become more involved with this fandom?
I... probably should have noted that I ain't good at shizzle like this. Or at least I most CERTAINLY wasn't.
I remember when I first joined the fandom in 2013... I remember just how little I knew about us. And how much I've learned since. And yet I still don't know everything! I want to know what I should do to avoid those terrible mistakes that I made in 2013 and 14 here, and several forum sites I tried to be on.
Also what I noticed that to make it "big" in this fandom, you need to draw copious amounts of porn and exploit the shit out of it, or you're fucked. I'm a SFW writer at heart and the fact that I have only 200 watchers... ...surprises me. Never thought I'd get that many...
But if I wrote smut all the time, wanna make bets on how many I MIGHT have gotten? 400? 500? 1,000? More? Would I have financial problems if I whored myself out with smutty writing that had no meaning?
I want my writing to have meaning. I want them to be passionate and real. ...But I know that this fandom is NOT the right audience for them despite having anthros.
This fandom is not ALL about the porn right...? ...I seriously doubt that. If you looked at any statistics between SFW and NSFW... you'd notice the truth too. I don't want to be a prude, because I fully admit that I can be a FILTHY fox. But to say that less than half the fandom is about porn, to me, from what I've observed, is simply put: bullshit. It just is. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I wrote much more smut... more kinks... All that. I really think I'd be doing better.
I'm not saying I want more watchers, favorites, blah blah blah. Sure, it'd be helpful, but what I'm really saying is I want to feel like I've accomplished something in this fandom. To feel like I've made some kind of impact. With Winter's Gallows I hope... but again. I think that my novel will fail. I mean that. I think that project is a lost cause. It's not smut, and it's written by a nobody. In this fandom, that means it will never be seen. So why do I continue to write it? At this point... ...only to vent my frustrations and see if I can do it, really. That's about it. Honestly... this is where that slump that keeps me from working on it now is coming from... I just feel like it's all going to be a waste...
If I am to be proven wrong, that's great. Really it is! I love being proven wrong given how pessimistic I am! We'll see what happens. But I'm not rich. I suck at drawing. I don't create much smut AT ALL, and I have pitifully few friends. Sounds like I'll just continue wasting my time really at this rate.
I really do think it's time for a change and I am not sure exactly what to do about it. What do you think? I probably wasted my time writing this journal... But you know what? I've been doing that for almost four years now in reality... I got to find a way to just... do something.
Recently I felt a change in the atmosphere around me... like a major ass change in my life is coming... Whether it'll be good or bad, I do not know. But I hope to spin this into changing my life here in this fandom in some way. Any way! So let's do it! Let's find the way. Let's find the key we've lost.
Y-ya know... the header and footer of my journals? The lyrics to The Key We've Lost from Xenoblade Chronicles X? No? Alright then.
As time goes on, I will be finding ways to make myself... not worthless... for once in my life.
BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, MY BOYFRIEND
IS NOW A PET/MATE/BOYFRIEND COMBO. Ahh... he's so cute like that...
I'm never satisfied with that thing. It does not help that I'm starting to seriously hate my username as well.
...Well pretty much everything about me and my page. I seriously think I should start over with this fandom. For a number of reasons really...
I think it was a bad idea to split my content between the two accounts I have. I should have stayed with one. This one, or even that one. What made me think having a SFW and NSFW account would matter?
What do you think? Have I played things out in this fandom badly and need a reboot of my own. What can I change? What can I do? What SHOULD I do to become more involved with this fandom?
I... probably should have noted that I ain't good at shizzle like this. Or at least I most CERTAINLY wasn't.
I remember when I first joined the fandom in 2013... I remember just how little I knew about us. And how much I've learned since. And yet I still don't know everything! I want to know what I should do to avoid those terrible mistakes that I made in 2013 and 14 here, and several forum sites I tried to be on.
Also what I noticed that to make it "big" in this fandom, you need to draw copious amounts of porn and exploit the shit out of it, or you're fucked. I'm a SFW writer at heart and the fact that I have only 200 watchers... ...surprises me. Never thought I'd get that many...
But if I wrote smut all the time, wanna make bets on how many I MIGHT have gotten? 400? 500? 1,000? More? Would I have financial problems if I whored myself out with smutty writing that had no meaning?
I want my writing to have meaning. I want them to be passionate and real. ...But I know that this fandom is NOT the right audience for them despite having anthros.
This fandom is not ALL about the porn right...? ...I seriously doubt that. If you looked at any statistics between SFW and NSFW... you'd notice the truth too. I don't want to be a prude, because I fully admit that I can be a FILTHY fox. But to say that less than half the fandom is about porn, to me, from what I've observed, is simply put: bullshit. It just is. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I wrote much more smut... more kinks... All that. I really think I'd be doing better.
I'm not saying I want more watchers, favorites, blah blah blah. Sure, it'd be helpful, but what I'm really saying is I want to feel like I've accomplished something in this fandom. To feel like I've made some kind of impact. With Winter's Gallows I hope... but again. I think that my novel will fail. I mean that. I think that project is a lost cause. It's not smut, and it's written by a nobody. In this fandom, that means it will never be seen. So why do I continue to write it? At this point... ...only to vent my frustrations and see if I can do it, really. That's about it. Honestly... this is where that slump that keeps me from working on it now is coming from... I just feel like it's all going to be a waste...
If I am to be proven wrong, that's great. Really it is! I love being proven wrong given how pessimistic I am! We'll see what happens. But I'm not rich. I suck at drawing. I don't create much smut AT ALL, and I have pitifully few friends. Sounds like I'll just continue wasting my time really at this rate.
I really do think it's time for a change and I am not sure exactly what to do about it. What do you think? I probably wasted my time writing this journal... But you know what? I've been doing that for almost four years now in reality... I got to find a way to just... do something.
Recently I felt a change in the atmosphere around me... like a major ass change in my life is coming... Whether it'll be good or bad, I do not know. But I hope to spin this into changing my life here in this fandom in some way. Any way! So let's do it! Let's find the way. Let's find the key we've lost.
Y-ya know... the header and footer of my journals? The lyrics to The Key We've Lost from Xenoblade Chronicles X? No? Alright then.
As time goes on, I will be finding ways to make myself... not worthless... for once in my life.
BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, MY BOYFRIEND
IS NOW A PET/MATE/BOYFRIEND COMBO. Ahh... he's so cute like that... Fuck, I've Lost my Muse..
Posted 9 years agoGaahh... So I am sorry I have not been doing all that much in the past week or so after I promised I would, but um... all the work I put into things like Winter's Gallows and such last month (holy shit November already) has really driven me into the ground and now I just cannot muster any energy into the project for now.
My ultimate goal is to get the first draft finished by the new year, but... with work becoming scarier due to the looming holidays and Pokemon Sun and Moon threatening to steal my attention when it comes out.
Yeah. That is gonna be a challenge. I project that the book will not take another 30,000 words to complete, probably about 25,000? So it's totally doable. But we'll see what happens...
Still trying to find a good artist for artwork of the damn thing...
Have a great one in mind for Aegis of Iridescence, but... we're not focusing on that right NOW at least...
ALSO. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PLANNING A SCI-FI STORY. MAY OR MAY NOT. WHO KNOWS? With as much on my plate already, I PROBABLY am not... If anything, I don't-- wouldn't-- plan on it being a very long one so uh...
Uh......
....Foxes. I dunno, give me a break; my brain is fried! ^^;;
My ultimate goal is to get the first draft finished by the new year, but... with work becoming scarier due to the looming holidays and Pokemon Sun and Moon threatening to steal my attention when it comes out.
Yeah. That is gonna be a challenge. I project that the book will not take another 30,000 words to complete, probably about 25,000? So it's totally doable. But we'll see what happens...
Still trying to find a good artist for artwork of the damn thing...
Have a great one in mind for Aegis of Iridescence, but... we're not focusing on that right NOW at least...
ALSO. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PLANNING A SCI-FI STORY. MAY OR MAY NOT. WHO KNOWS? With as much on my plate already, I PROBABLY am not... If anything, I don't-- wouldn't-- plan on it being a very long one so uh...
Uh......
....Foxes. I dunno, give me a break; my brain is fried! ^^;;
May Write a Foreword...
Posted 9 years agoYa know... for Winter's Gallows? I want to tell you guys why EXACTLY I'm writing a story like that. Just why AM I writing a story as depressing and heavy as that. Why a love story? Why split it after chapter 10? Why have unhappy endings? Ya know. Just why in general...
Because... you know what? I'm pouring literally my entire heart and soul into that project. I'm writing it out of pure passion and emotion. Seriously.
It can be seen as one ginormous vent story. Gone novel.
That I plan to publish.
Someday.
Maybe.
...Still looking for info on an artist to do cover art for it... kehheh ^^;;
But what do you think of the foreword idea...? It's always good to have insight on the background on... "why does this thing exist? What made the creator want to create it?" sort of thing...
Because... you know what? I'm pouring literally my entire heart and soul into that project. I'm writing it out of pure passion and emotion. Seriously.
It can be seen as one ginormous vent story. Gone novel.
That I plan to publish.
Someday.
Maybe.
...Still looking for info on an artist to do cover art for it... kehheh ^^;;
But what do you think of the foreword idea...? It's always good to have insight on the background on... "why does this thing exist? What made the creator want to create it?" sort of thing...
100,000 Words!
Posted 9 years agoWinter's Gallows hit 100,000 words! I feel so proud of such an achievement! Whoo!
...But I do not know what to do to commemorate such a thing...
...But I do know something I should look into sometime soon now that the book is 80% complete.
...
Anyone know any good artists that would be good to commission cover art for the thing? I want to make this thing quite official, ya know?
Course I'm still broke as fuck right now, but hopefully not for long... I still have time. But anybody know an artist that could do this book cover with justice? That would be coolio to get!
Anyways, here's to the final stretch. The last 25,000 that I need to complete my word goal for this project, as well as the final stretch for the book in general. It's getting there. Four 12s left as well as the 13s and the epilogues?
After that, it's done!
After a year of working on this project, it's hard to believe that the first draft is finally nearing completion. It's almost surreal...
But another question... What's to do when it finally is completed? Well... we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
...But I do not know what to do to commemorate such a thing...
...But I do know something I should look into sometime soon now that the book is 80% complete.
...
Anyone know any good artists that would be good to commission cover art for the thing? I want to make this thing quite official, ya know?
Course I'm still broke as fuck right now, but hopefully not for long... I still have time. But anybody know an artist that could do this book cover with justice? That would be coolio to get!
Anyways, here's to the final stretch. The last 25,000 that I need to complete my word goal for this project, as well as the final stretch for the book in general. It's getting there. Four 12s left as well as the 13s and the epilogues?
After that, it's done!
After a year of working on this project, it's hard to believe that the first draft is finally nearing completion. It's almost surreal...
But another question... What's to do when it finally is completed? Well... we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
100% Out of Commission
Posted 9 years agoWell... looks like both my computers are done-zo-fun-zo...
With my laptop having a broken charger and my desktop outright refusing to connect to the Internet for more than five minutes at a time...
Yeah. I guess I am going offline for a little while then... So while my desktop is connected for this very brief episode, I am letting you guys know that...
I HATE TECHNOLOGY. WHY DOESN'T IT EVER WORK FOR ME?!
I MAY be able to peek in and do something for a BIT... but not much for very long at a time... *sigh* We'll see what happens then...
...
Just watch... my Net will start working again soon after this is posted...
Because that's EXACTLY how my life works.
...But hey, if it DOES, then that's actually really fucking awesome.
...Now I kinda hope it does...
With my laptop having a broken charger and my desktop outright refusing to connect to the Internet for more than five minutes at a time...
Yeah. I guess I am going offline for a little while then... So while my desktop is connected for this very brief episode, I am letting you guys know that...
I HATE TECHNOLOGY. WHY DOESN'T IT EVER WORK FOR ME?!
I MAY be able to peek in and do something for a BIT... but not much for very long at a time... *sigh* We'll see what happens then...
...
Just watch... my Net will start working again soon after this is posted...
Because that's EXACTLY how my life works.
...But hey, if it DOES, then that's actually really fucking awesome.
...Now I kinda hope it does...
Winter's Gallows Progress Will be a Little Slow For Now
Posted 9 years agoI should have planned it a little better, because now that I am at the five 12s, I'm not entirely sure how I want them to play out. Well, I DO know how I want each path to end and I chose which will be the happy one, but it's... getting there... that I have to figure out. Like, for example, I was working on 12A a bit this morning, and I thought, "Oh shit. I can have THIS happen too. Hmm..." That's another thing... I often change my mind around to find the most effective things. ...Especially after I write them... :/
I DO want to write the best story I possibly can, and I think I am KIND of on the right track. Sort of. ... ... ... ...I don't suck at writing... do I...?
N-nah that's ridiculous... R-right?
Well anyways, I'll be writing and see what happens. A little at a time though... so it'll be a while before the five 12s are done. ...I PROMISE I WON'T TAKE THREE MONTHS THIS TIME THOUGH. UGH. That just stunk... didn't it...? Sorry guys...
But that's not all that's keeping me from Winter's Gallows, and by extension, Aegis of Iridescence. I DID say my Youtube channel IS coming back to life, and I stood by that. I'm uploading shiz every four days starting back on the 7th. For now it's just super generic Minecraft stuff, but behind the scenes, I'm working on reviews for not only Spongebob, but a special review series where I will take a look at various anthropomorphic media content and judge them on their merits and their... not so... good things.
I'm currently scripting these things right now and they'll be taking a huge chunk of my writing concentration as well.
My goal is to write at least 1,000 words in WG a day and work on everything else either before or afterward. So theoretically, if each 12 in WG is 4,000 words long, it'll take me another 19 days to finish them, since I wrote 1,000 today.
....Holy shit. That's like... Halloween. Wow. I PROMISE THAT WASN'T ON PURPOSE! That's if they will be 4,000 each... might be around 3K again, or something, I dunno yet. We'll see...
Also if I wrote 1,000 a day, I'll be at my word goal for the novel in a month. Just sayin'.
Anyways, just thought I'd tell ya what's up with the slowness right now and stuffs...
Also, October 20... Remember that day, 'kay?
See ya later my friends~
I DO want to write the best story I possibly can, and I think I am KIND of on the right track. Sort of. ... ... ... ...I don't suck at writing... do I...?
N-nah that's ridiculous... R-right?
Well anyways, I'll be writing and see what happens. A little at a time though... so it'll be a while before the five 12s are done. ...I PROMISE I WON'T TAKE THREE MONTHS THIS TIME THOUGH. UGH. That just stunk... didn't it...? Sorry guys...
But that's not all that's keeping me from Winter's Gallows, and by extension, Aegis of Iridescence. I DID say my Youtube channel IS coming back to life, and I stood by that. I'm uploading shiz every four days starting back on the 7th. For now it's just super generic Minecraft stuff, but behind the scenes, I'm working on reviews for not only Spongebob, but a special review series where I will take a look at various anthropomorphic media content and judge them on their merits and their... not so... good things.
I'm currently scripting these things right now and they'll be taking a huge chunk of my writing concentration as well.
My goal is to write at least 1,000 words in WG a day and work on everything else either before or afterward. So theoretically, if each 12 in WG is 4,000 words long, it'll take me another 19 days to finish them, since I wrote 1,000 today.
....Holy shit. That's like... Halloween. Wow. I PROMISE THAT WASN'T ON PURPOSE! That's if they will be 4,000 each... might be around 3K again, or something, I dunno yet. We'll see...
Also if I wrote 1,000 a day, I'll be at my word goal for the novel in a month. Just sayin'.
Anyways, just thought I'd tell ya what's up with the slowness right now and stuffs...
Also, October 20... Remember that day, 'kay?
See ya later my friends~
Three Updates!
Posted 9 years agoONE: My laptop is out of commission! My laptop charger broke, and now I gotta find a way to replace it... Damn it world. At least I have one other way to contact everyone... though unfortunately, this means I'll be on a little less. I have no access to myInkbunny account for the time being however. So sorry about that one...
TWO: I may return to Winter's Gallows very shortly. I will tell you now that the reason I went into hiatus with that project was because... well that thing is based relativiely closely on my life. This is just how I thought they COULD play out if I was in a short distance relationship and not a long distance one. And well... to continue the story, I thought it would be a decent idea to let my life play out a little more before I continued.
Buuuut. I no longer see the point.
Although I will warn you. Since I am working on five different paths... I will need to upload all five chapter 11s at the same time. So... That is about five times the work. It will be a while before I can even remotely be ready to upload these chapters. I DO plan to make each path three chapters long each and then an epilogue for each, and story over. So yeah.
It's coming back, my friends...
ALSO FUN FACT ABOUT WINTER'S GALLOWS' TWO MAIN CHARACTERS.
Did anybody notice that Lukan's name, when it's actually Lukas, ACTUALLY are the same letters as Klaus?
...Did I just blow your mind...?
THREE: I am ready to make a comeback on Youtube! I do not talk about it too much, but I used to be able to do stuff there, but when my headset broke... yeah. But now that I can go back, let me tell ya what I got planned.. Minecraft, reviews, stuff along those lines... yeah... I am actually planning out a review series where I review anthropomorphic media of all kinds and determine whether it's a good thing us furries like it so much or not.
Because why not?
That is what is going on. Good day, my friends...
TWO: I may return to Winter's Gallows very shortly. I will tell you now that the reason I went into hiatus with that project was because... well that thing is based relativiely closely on my life. This is just how I thought they COULD play out if I was in a short distance relationship and not a long distance one. And well... to continue the story, I thought it would be a decent idea to let my life play out a little more before I continued.
Buuuut. I no longer see the point.
Although I will warn you. Since I am working on five different paths... I will need to upload all five chapter 11s at the same time. So... That is about five times the work. It will be a while before I can even remotely be ready to upload these chapters. I DO plan to make each path three chapters long each and then an epilogue for each, and story over. So yeah.
It's coming back, my friends...
ALSO FUN FACT ABOUT WINTER'S GALLOWS' TWO MAIN CHARACTERS.
Did anybody notice that Lukan's name, when it's actually Lukas, ACTUALLY are the same letters as Klaus?
...Did I just blow your mind...?
THREE: I am ready to make a comeback on Youtube! I do not talk about it too much, but I used to be able to do stuff there, but when my headset broke... yeah. But now that I can go back, let me tell ya what I got planned.. Minecraft, reviews, stuff along those lines... yeah... I am actually planning out a review series where I review anthropomorphic media of all kinds and determine whether it's a good thing us furries like it so much or not.
Because why not?
That is what is going on. Good day, my friends...
I'm On Fire Baby! Whoo!
Posted 9 years agoBecause the AC at our apartment is down! And if you know anything about the Arizonan desert, it's hotter than hell out here! So I'm blazin' at 87 degrees in the apartment! Whoo!
...It's killing me. Help!
...It's killing me. Help!
My Mom Really Has an Unlucky Birthday Now Doesn't She...?
Posted 9 years agoYeah her birthday is 9/11...
That IS kinda unfortunate isn't it...?
Well today she's turned 44...
Awkward.
Well MY birthday is the day Walt Disney died. ...Not as bad? Yeah, I suppose so... Something bad had to have happened on every day of the year at SOME point right? I mean with about 5,000 years of known human history, one would think... ^^;;
That IS kinda unfortunate isn't it...?
Well today she's turned 44...
Awkward.
Well MY birthday is the day Walt Disney died. ...Not as bad? Yeah, I suppose so... Something bad had to have happened on every day of the year at SOME point right? I mean with about 5,000 years of known human history, one would think... ^^;;
It's Time For a Change. But How...?
Posted 9 years agoI've lost over $1,400 in the past couple of weeks. It's come to a point where I no longer even care about saving up... I'll just let whatever happens happen. Whether it's a waste or not can't matter to me. If I am to be broke, I'm used to it. If I can prosper after a few more months, that's great too.
All I can tell you my friends... is that I can and will find a way to make it. Things never ever go my way in my life. They never have and never will.
Except for one thing. I'm still alive. That ought to be something right? Keheheh... This month's been a financial disaster... but... maybe if I wasn't so anal on conserving the money I worked too hard to get (what with terrible managers, low pay, arduous tasks within it), maybe I wouldn't be so stressed out... I should just relax and let what I want come to fruition... even if it is at a SERIOUS monetary cost. Of course I am still going to monitor my savings carefully, but... I am going to try and not let it get me down so badly. It's become a detriment to my health.
And besides... once this shitstorm clears and I have my roommate in here after my mom leaves... HOPEFULLY... things will get back on track, and things will look good once more.
There is still hope. I am still holding on. I'll find a way through this mess...
I think one thing I need to do is look into how to capitalize on my writing... Like advertise it or getting it in for potential publication. Who knows? If I succeed as a writer, will I have so much to worry about? As much, I mean?
See, I think the BIGGEST problem with how I'm running my life are the facts that I'm too hesitant. Not taking enough risks. Not talking to enough people... these things... they're holding me back big time... If I can break the mold on just one or two of these things... maybe I can find a way to do something about the shit I ALWAYS complain about!
THAT, and I also need to get involved in this community a lot more than I have... make new friends. Meet new people. Explore around... way more than I have up to this point. Already getting close to four years in the fandom and what have I accomplished. Nothing really... So it's really time to do something about it, am I right?
But the problem is... where and how do I begin...?
That's the problem that plagues just about everything in my life, not just this... it's getting started... that always keeps me from doing anything. Got any tips for an idiot like me to finally break the mold?
This is something that I my need help on. But maybe... the answers are far closer than I think...
All I can tell you my friends... is that I can and will find a way to make it. Things never ever go my way in my life. They never have and never will.
Except for one thing. I'm still alive. That ought to be something right? Keheheh... This month's been a financial disaster... but... maybe if I wasn't so anal on conserving the money I worked too hard to get (what with terrible managers, low pay, arduous tasks within it), maybe I wouldn't be so stressed out... I should just relax and let what I want come to fruition... even if it is at a SERIOUS monetary cost. Of course I am still going to monitor my savings carefully, but... I am going to try and not let it get me down so badly. It's become a detriment to my health.
And besides... once this shitstorm clears and I have my roommate in here after my mom leaves... HOPEFULLY... things will get back on track, and things will look good once more.
There is still hope. I am still holding on. I'll find a way through this mess...
I think one thing I need to do is look into how to capitalize on my writing... Like advertise it or getting it in for potential publication. Who knows? If I succeed as a writer, will I have so much to worry about? As much, I mean?
See, I think the BIGGEST problem with how I'm running my life are the facts that I'm too hesitant. Not taking enough risks. Not talking to enough people... these things... they're holding me back big time... If I can break the mold on just one or two of these things... maybe I can find a way to do something about the shit I ALWAYS complain about!
THAT, and I also need to get involved in this community a lot more than I have... make new friends. Meet new people. Explore around... way more than I have up to this point. Already getting close to four years in the fandom and what have I accomplished. Nothing really... So it's really time to do something about it, am I right?
But the problem is... where and how do I begin...?
That's the problem that plagues just about everything in my life, not just this... it's getting started... that always keeps me from doing anything. Got any tips for an idiot like me to finally break the mold?
This is something that I my need help on. But maybe... the answers are far closer than I think...
Okay... Let's See What Happens Now That I Have Done This..
Posted 9 years ago*cough*I Have no Idea Why I Did This...*cough*
Seriously though, is this even a good idea??? A guy like me does not know anything about how this sort of shiz works. ^^;
The only things I know are how to write, why Star Ocean 5 sucks, and the fact that my life is utterly fucked in a few days ^^;;
..I'm sorry. ^^;;;
Seriously though, is this even a good idea??? A guy like me does not know anything about how this sort of shiz works. ^^;
The only things I know are how to write, why Star Ocean 5 sucks, and the fact that my life is utterly fucked in a few days ^^;;
..I'm sorry. ^^;;;
Wait. 200 Watchers? How odd...
Posted 9 years agoHow odd is it that 200 accounts have randomly clicked to watch this one...? Considering things that should be a distinct impossibility! I wonder how! Well that will wait for another day, but for right now, I Must say...
Thank you!
...How anticlimactic... I wonder what I can do to celebrate this milestone?
Hm... I am not good at these... because I never expect them to happen... ^^;;
Although considering my situation, I may not be able to do much right now, but I wanna! I will have to think on this...
I DO have plans for the future but they aren't exactly for this milestone... Still... I wonder...
Until then though, thanks a lot for this circumstance...! Here's to the next hundred? Maybe? ...We'll see... kehhe :P
Thank you!
...How anticlimactic... I wonder what I can do to celebrate this milestone?
Hm... I am not good at these... because I never expect them to happen... ^^;;
Although considering my situation, I may not be able to do much right now, but I wanna! I will have to think on this...
I DO have plans for the future but they aren't exactly for this milestone... Still... I wonder...
Until then though, thanks a lot for this circumstance...! Here's to the next hundred? Maybe? ...We'll see... kehhe :P
Holy F*ck. I Think I Have a New Favorite Band...
Posted 9 years agohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSvOTw8UH6s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAMiX5EEbFU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJtBYAKBByk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NTfbLtXTlw
Mah God... I love these... O-o;
It's stuff like this that inspires me... <3
Also side note, my mom may wait until the 29th due to... you guessed it... even MORE problems... -_-;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAMiX5EEbFU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJtBYAKBByk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NTfbLtXTlw
Mah God... I love these... O-o;
It's stuff like this that inspires me... <3
Also side note, my mom may wait until the 29th due to... you guessed it... even MORE problems... -_-;
One Week. My Final Decision
Posted 9 years ago*deep breath*
I'm staying in Arizona. My mom will be gone on the 20th. And a roommate will move in around the same time. So it is time for THAT particular change in my life, it seems. I'd be a lot less worried if my job wasn't so... ...ya know. Not in good shape. But friend of mine said he'll help any way he can if that comes to fruition.
With all that in mind, it's with reluctance that I decide to stay down here. All in hopes that I will someday be united, finally, with my mate.
Jesus. I just realized my mom is leaving on the 8th anniversary of a certain infamous day in my life. One of the worst I had EVER experienced in my entire damned life. D-dear Lord, please let that NOT be a sign... and... please... oh please... let this be the right decision this time... this time, there is simply no room for error at all...
I'm staying in Arizona. My mom will be gone on the 20th. And a roommate will move in around the same time. So it is time for THAT particular change in my life, it seems. I'd be a lot less worried if my job wasn't so... ...ya know. Not in good shape. But friend of mine said he'll help any way he can if that comes to fruition.
With all that in mind, it's with reluctance that I decide to stay down here. All in hopes that I will someday be united, finally, with my mate.
Jesus. I just realized my mom is leaving on the 8th anniversary of a certain infamous day in my life. One of the worst I had EVER experienced in my entire damned life. D-dear Lord, please let that NOT be a sign... and... please... oh please... let this be the right decision this time... this time, there is simply no room for error at all...
It Would Appear... That I am in Lukan's Shoes Now...
Posted 9 years agoI'd make a joke saying that Lukan does not wear shoes like any of my characters but... this is a really serious situation.
I said I'd NEVER post updates on my life ever again, but this one... it just... It needs to be said, even IF I'm wasting my time...
My mom is liable to leave between the 18th and 31st of this month. Not because of any sort of malicious intent, but because she cannot stay here any more. And unfortunately, because my job is currently compromised, it may be far, FAR too risky for me, myself, to stay as well.
But there is a problem with me going with her. Quite a few actually.
Problem 1. Lease violations and short term notice with work. Our lease is set for March, and as you can imagine, breaking it early like that that is a bad thing to do. Also work. Since I AM still employed and have a job, for who knows how much longer, if I leave even at the end of the month, it's too early notice which could jeopardize my chances of finding a new job in the future. It ALSO does not help that all the jobs I have had so far did not last even a year. Employers will notice, and I won't be in good shape.
Problem 2. Money. My mom is flat broke, and I'm the only one with money right now. So that means I have to be the one to support us all the way back to wherever we go. And with the money I have... not only is it not much, but once again, all my goals must be put on hold indefinitely. I get that our success comes first, but seriously... this shiz is getting old... I MAY have enough... but it's going to hurt immensely... ESPECIALLY if getting a new job will continue being incredibly difficult...
Problem 3 and probably the biggest one... There was only ever ONE reason I EVER moved to Arizona in the first place. And that was for my mate. I wanted to be with him so badly that I threw away all other options of living and chose Arizona. But if I have to leave, that means I am leaving him behind. He cannot come with us for another laundry list of reasons. So if I go back now... EVERYTHING I told you about in my move update journals will have ALL been for nothing. THOUSANDS of dollars down the drain. It would ALL have been a GIGANTIC waste...
But staying here? Is even MORE risky...
Problem 1. Like I said, my job s currently compromised. If my mom leaves, and I'm here with a roommate, because I might be able to get one, and I get fired.... t-tell me exactly what the hell I am supposed to do? If I can't get a department transfer before then, I will NOT be confident I'll be able to keep this job. And as long as THAT remains the case... I don't think it's safe for me to stay here. My grace period ends as September starts, so I am not at risk right NOW, but literally a few days after my mom would leave... seriously... potential roommate could not support me alone. Mom would have to come back, wasting WAAAAY MORE money that we DON'T have... there is no way I can take that risk!
Problem 2. Even if I DO manage to keep this job going for as long as I want, getting to my mate without means of transportation or anything like that will pretty much make no difference whatsoever. It wouldn't matter if I lived 150 miles away or 15,000; we're never going to meet. So what exactly IS the point in staying because of THIS... if nothing will CHANGE!?
Admittedly, there are is less problems staying here. But that one problem up there is so daunting that is it even worth it? Is it even a good idea?! Can I even put faith in the chance I can keep this job!? The best I can do is not enough for these unreasonable standards of theirs! This... is only scratching the surface, but I got the gist of what's important out of the way... I have no fucking clue what to do, and I have only a few days to decide...
All choices are the wrong ones.
There is no right one.
This... this could be it my friends... I don't say that about many things at all, but this... this seriously... might be it. Who knows? Could a miracle still happen? Because I need it right now.
...No. I needed it AGES ago... it's too late...
I said I'd NEVER post updates on my life ever again, but this one... it just... It needs to be said, even IF I'm wasting my time...
My mom is liable to leave between the 18th and 31st of this month. Not because of any sort of malicious intent, but because she cannot stay here any more. And unfortunately, because my job is currently compromised, it may be far, FAR too risky for me, myself, to stay as well.
But there is a problem with me going with her. Quite a few actually.
Problem 1. Lease violations and short term notice with work. Our lease is set for March, and as you can imagine, breaking it early like that that is a bad thing to do. Also work. Since I AM still employed and have a job, for who knows how much longer, if I leave even at the end of the month, it's too early notice which could jeopardize my chances of finding a new job in the future. It ALSO does not help that all the jobs I have had so far did not last even a year. Employers will notice, and I won't be in good shape.
Problem 2. Money. My mom is flat broke, and I'm the only one with money right now. So that means I have to be the one to support us all the way back to wherever we go. And with the money I have... not only is it not much, but once again, all my goals must be put on hold indefinitely. I get that our success comes first, but seriously... this shiz is getting old... I MAY have enough... but it's going to hurt immensely... ESPECIALLY if getting a new job will continue being incredibly difficult...
Problem 3 and probably the biggest one... There was only ever ONE reason I EVER moved to Arizona in the first place. And that was for my mate. I wanted to be with him so badly that I threw away all other options of living and chose Arizona. But if I have to leave, that means I am leaving him behind. He cannot come with us for another laundry list of reasons. So if I go back now... EVERYTHING I told you about in my move update journals will have ALL been for nothing. THOUSANDS of dollars down the drain. It would ALL have been a GIGANTIC waste...
But staying here? Is even MORE risky...
Problem 1. Like I said, my job s currently compromised. If my mom leaves, and I'm here with a roommate, because I might be able to get one, and I get fired.... t-tell me exactly what the hell I am supposed to do? If I can't get a department transfer before then, I will NOT be confident I'll be able to keep this job. And as long as THAT remains the case... I don't think it's safe for me to stay here. My grace period ends as September starts, so I am not at risk right NOW, but literally a few days after my mom would leave... seriously... potential roommate could not support me alone. Mom would have to come back, wasting WAAAAY MORE money that we DON'T have... there is no way I can take that risk!
Problem 2. Even if I DO manage to keep this job going for as long as I want, getting to my mate without means of transportation or anything like that will pretty much make no difference whatsoever. It wouldn't matter if I lived 150 miles away or 15,000; we're never going to meet. So what exactly IS the point in staying because of THIS... if nothing will CHANGE!?
Admittedly, there are is less problems staying here. But that one problem up there is so daunting that is it even worth it? Is it even a good idea?! Can I even put faith in the chance I can keep this job!? The best I can do is not enough for these unreasonable standards of theirs! This... is only scratching the surface, but I got the gist of what's important out of the way... I have no fucking clue what to do, and I have only a few days to decide...
All choices are the wrong ones.
There is no right one.
This... this could be it my friends... I don't say that about many things at all, but this... this seriously... might be it. Who knows? Could a miracle still happen? Because I need it right now.
...No. I needed it AGES ago... it's too late...
Hm... It's About Time I Thought About Something Promising...
Posted 9 years agoWinter's Gallows...
Summer's Gallows...
Despite the fact that I've used these titles a lot, thrown them around and showcased them numerous times...
I never said this was the official title...
In fact, when I said what I was gonna call it, I definitely said "unofficially titled" I hesitated to call it that, and I still do.
Well it took several months, but I think I got a solid enough title for both of these projects. Let me know what you think if you wish, whether you like this title better or if you wish for me to keep "Winter's/Summer's Gallows" as the names.
For Winter's Gallows, I am now considering renaming it to "Trial of the Heart"
And Summer's Gallows, "Trial of the Soul", respectively.
Again it is NOT official. I am only considering this so far, but feel free to let me know what you think. I will likely continue to think about it regardless...
ALSO a bit of an update! I know I have not written very much lately or done... well... anything lately. Well I am very sorry about that... really, I am. I've just been in an AWFUL slump lately because my situation regarding... well, everything, has eaten all my motivation to do anything... I WANT to get back to my stories, but for now, I just can't bring myself to do it... I'm really sorry... I hope you understand.
Summer's Gallows...
Despite the fact that I've used these titles a lot, thrown them around and showcased them numerous times...
I never said this was the official title...
In fact, when I said what I was gonna call it, I definitely said "unofficially titled" I hesitated to call it that, and I still do.
Well it took several months, but I think I got a solid enough title for both of these projects. Let me know what you think if you wish, whether you like this title better or if you wish for me to keep "Winter's/Summer's Gallows" as the names.
For Winter's Gallows, I am now considering renaming it to "Trial of the Heart"
And Summer's Gallows, "Trial of the Soul", respectively.
Again it is NOT official. I am only considering this so far, but feel free to let me know what you think. I will likely continue to think about it regardless...
ALSO a bit of an update! I know I have not written very much lately or done... well... anything lately. Well I am very sorry about that... really, I am. I've just been in an AWFUL slump lately because my situation regarding... well, everything, has eaten all my motivation to do anything... I WANT to get back to my stories, but for now, I just can't bring myself to do it... I'm really sorry... I hope you understand.
