Kevin: Where did 'AgentofEmpathy' even come from
Gideon: I had just learned what empathy was...and just learned of the Blue Oyster Cult album 'Agents of Fortune's and I really liked it.
Marlene: The whole album? Or just 'Don't Fear the Reaper'?
G:...
K:...
M:...?
G: I mean...it also had 'Godzilla'.
K: No, that was Spectres
G: How do you...erm...'Burnin' for You'?
M: That's Fire of Unknown Origin
G: ...Cities on Flame and...-!
M: That was from the self titled!
K: You can just say it sounded cool. I get it
G: ;w;

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48487583/

I highly recommend this artist, they've done all my more serious pieces and I'm always satisfied with the results!

Partly to clear out the downer journal. Partly because I forgot to do one before the end of the year. Let's go!

So...let's count everything that changed this past year.

New Car: After the serpentine belt in my old jeep fell off and a near death experience in the car trying to get it to the shop. That was the final nail in the coffin, time for a new car. Thankfully getting one was less of a hassle than I thought.

New Job: After 8 years at Hannaford I found somewhere better. Admin at a Mental Health Facility, much more aligned to my education, better pay, hours better...ish.

Moved Out: At the ripe old age of 26 I moved out of my mother's house. First it was with my boyfriend at the time, and then I moved in with an old high school friend. A nice small house

Identity : I can add aromantic to the "A" words I am.

As much as I wanna say this happened spaced out through the year and I was coping...this all happened in the span of 3 months. Everything I was and everything I knew completely upended and forced to change. I'm gonna be honest, I barely coped with it all. It almost lead to self harm more often than not. It felt like there was something in my arms I had to claw out.

I'm much better now, thankfully. All these changes forced me to become more independent, and thankfully I did have the support group to help me through it all. I'm finally settling where I am now, with eyes already towards next steps in my life.

In regards to art, pretty clear I'm now mostly a page to post all my art that I get. I still write, mind you, just my own personal fanfiction instead of furry stuff. That said...

Commission/ Trade Writing: To my immense surprise I was able to get a commission from someone who's content I've admired for a long time, getting to write my own piece of that action. So I think I decided I'm gonna keep commission and trades open, not many slots at a time mind you. But just to keep myself writing some furry stuff.

So what happens next? Just keep moving forward. The pandemic has been a very weird time of growth for me, but I recognize the pandemic is still stunting just how much I can keep growing. I really hope it passes soon...

Hope everyone has good New Year! See ya 'round!

Just to keep everyone in the loop...

Yesterday a lot of things hit me at once. A lot changes are about to happen, all of them forced on me.

I was up most of the night crying, I even contemplated self harm last night and this morning.

I'm going to be quiet online for a while.

Just to keep everyone in the loop...

These last few days have been hard, up all night crying, I even contemplated suicide one night.

I spoke it out with loved ones, but I still need to keep to myself for a while.

Clearly I'm not ready to be here like I was.

If I reopened writing commissions? Who would be interested?

Probably going to be a little more active there, arts, musings, who knows!?

https://twitter.com/swissigar

You know the deal. Ask one of my character any kinda question you want! You have your choice of...

1) Spencer/ Atticus
2) Meceron
3) Gold
3b) Ivory
4) Piggy
5) And now, Volteer!

Ask away.

Let's try and bring these back, eh?

So the usual deal for these is that I ask a question and you guys give me an answer. You guys can ask me a question too, if you so feel like it.

I'll keep it easy for the first time in a long time...My question for you is about your sona/ character. What are their powers, and why did you pick those powers?

For me, it'd probably go like this...

Spencer: Weaponmancy (Can create weapons at will, prefers bow)
Gold: Nature Magic and Body Alteration Magic
Meceron: Usual Fire Dragon Deal
Piggy: Above average strength and durability

I'm not dead, honest!

1) Where have you been?

So real life...that's a thing. But things have been beginning to change. I'll explain a little later in the journal.

2a) Where's all that art you promised?

Own it up to laziness, mood, some other third thing, I haven't exactly been making good on my promise of more content, even on the commission front. I do have some backlog though, and I've been taking my time to upload all that. Gotta get all my characters represented, plus a few miscellaneous things. Plan to have that all said and done by the end of the year

2b) And the stories?

I have ideas in mind. But I find myself in a difficult space. I would like to write again, but I find that when I do, I fall back into a familiar, dark place.

3) How have you been feeling?

I've been in a bad spot mentally for the past month. Mounting anxieties, doubts about my place here online, friends, etc. I was doing so good too. I know these feelings have their peaks and valleys. Right now though I'm in a really deep valley. I've been keeping my space at least, not trying to snap or dump my problems on others (it went so well last time). I'm sure in time I'll be able to put myself back together. But for now, I'm keeping it easy on the social department.

4) How has the Real World been treating you?

I'm keeping it easy on the social department...online anyways.

I'm still on my shenanigans with my real life friends. Super Smash Bros. on Monday. Pathfinder on Wednesdays, and now with me and my friends influence, we sprinkled some Magic the Gathering into it all. They picked it up so fast, and they can get me every now and again. Makes me proud.

On the other side of things. Job hunting went as well as it did last time...it didn't. But I have a new idea now and I'm excited for it. I'm going back to school to get my counselor's degree. Namely for Substance Abuse. I go back to school next year.

5) So what's the plan?

For the most part. I'm gonna try and keep my word on the whole upload schedule thing. Still commission people for pictures, but I'm also going to try and include a short story in each one, as opposed to the little blurb I've done before. In addition, I've decided to go back to shorter stories for now, I clearly don't have the fortitude for longer stories right now. I plan to have these stories be somewhere between 1000-2000 words. Short sweet, but still trying my best to make it good, yknow?

~0~0~0~0~0~

I'd say that's enough for now. I'm gonna try and get back to using the journal system regularly as well. And try to have these State of Affair Journals quarterly. Here's to hoping I actually keep my word on that.

See ya 'round.

Just like before, you can ask these four fellas anything you wish. Go nuts.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26175757/

Just like before, you're gonna have a chance to ask a question to one of my characters. You can find them and a little bit about them right here...

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26175757/

What's more, you can even ask Nathan and Gideon. Who can be found on my page.

Ask any one (or multiple) anything!

Hey! Why not do one of these for fun? Haven't for a looong while now.

So this one will be a little different. Instead, you're gonna have a chance to ask a question to one of my characters. You can find them and a little bit about them right here...

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26175757/

Ask any one (or multiple) anything!

Maybe not obligatory, but I still want to do it. For once in recent memory, I have a mate on Valentine's Day, not just one, however, but three. Three wonderful mates that I care for deeply. I may have lost my edge for sentimental mushy talk, but I'm gonna try my best to get into words just how much you all mean to me.

As previously mentioned I am Asexual and Polyamorous, so it makes sense how it came to this. So, allow me dedicate this journal to the mates I find myself with today.

 p1c0

Jasper, running the gambit of a silent man to a motormouth if you get him on the right topic. Despite what you may think, I love hearing from you, and hearing all the things you think about whatever you may be on about. It really shows how fitting it is you chose that critic to represent you.

 Aidden

Aidden, it's refreshing we can finally put to rest the "Will we, won't we" of our relationship and say "Yes". I can't say for certain, but I'd like to think that getting to know you as a person, and not just a sexy superchub, really helped the both of us grow as people. We may not talk a lot, but rest assured, I cherish the times we do talk.

 JouigiDragon

My little Jojo, My Biscuit, My Leto. Whatever you want to call yourself at the time, you mean so much to me. A good person with a good soul and a child at heart. You remind me that it's okay to enjoy some of the more childish things, and that there is no shame in doing so.

I'd say more, but I can't really put into words how much you all mean to me. Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

One more thing of note. I'm also going to add something else here. Friends Appreciation, shout out to all the people who helped me and stayed with me throughout all the years!



All of you have seen me through the best and the worst of myself, and for that, you have my thanks.

A few days late, but hey! Let's get right down to it. There's actually important stuff to talk about!

-0-0-0-0-0-

1) Real Life

For better and and for worse, my life has been the same.

For better, because it means I still have awesome friends, good family, and I've been doing more with them. For worse, because it means I still don't have a "real" job. I'm still working at the grocery store, but I have been working hard to look around for a job that relates to the degree I spent 4 years trying to get. You can count that as my New Years resolution.

2) Sexuality

Weren't expecting this one here, were you?

Last week...Last year and the year before, I was beginning to have more...intimate relations with people. The kinds of intimate relations that involve stripping down and staying REAL close in bed. It made me realize a lot about myself. This is still a little tenuous, so bear with me. Identity is always a journey...

Asexual : Across my time, I realized that while I can be aroused, masturbate, and fantasize about sex...I have absolutely no desire or interest to have sex with people in real life. I prefer simply cuddling, kissing, talking. I'll still RP it with friends, namely because I view it as writing porn. Maybe this is a mislabel on my behalf, but this is what I call myself.

Polyamorous : I'm one of those wierdos that has strong feeling for multiple people, and it pained me to always treat as a choice of having to choose one person to be with. When I learned about polyamory, things started to make sense. I understand that this kind of lifestyle is not for everyone, but it really makes sense to me. I like the idea of having numerous, casual, romantic relations with people. It's like having friends with benefits but instead of just having sex (or RPing it) you also have a partner you can confide in.

These experiences also cemented certain kinks for me. Made me realize I like somethings...and somethings are meant to stay a fantasy.

3) Writing

I'm back, but with a twist.

Writing stories, while personally fulfilling, slowly became a chore for me, and not a fun chore. All that effort for very little turn out turned me off from writing for a very long time. I know that isn't supposed to be the way to view it, but if you spent a whole day working on something, especially for someone, and you're lucky to get a thanks, it would hurt, wouldn't it?

So here's my big plan!

More Commissions: I will be commissioning more people to do art for me, and within that art, will be short stories that relate to the piece.

Longer Stories: I'm willing to believe part of what made my stories so passable was because they were...I'll be nice and say concise? So, I will be spending a little more effort on longer stories. You won't have as many stories, but they will be longer.

-0-0-0-0-0-

It's the start of a new year, it made sense to change some things. So let's see where this leads me this time!

Thank you for your time! And Happy (Belated) New Years!

A few days early but hey!

So I've been a busy busy guy. Let me tell you whats been happening with me.

1) School

Done. 100% done. My last semester ended a few weeks ago and I got good grades with a B average overall. I know have a Bachelor's in Psychology with a minor in Business. Why did I take those two?

2) Work

I'm still working at the grocery store for now, working multiple departments now too. But with what I got now, I'm in the position to start looking for what I've wanted to do: HR, Human Resources. The same place said they would be willing to offer me training too, so that's looking good too.

3) Furry Life

If you saw my icon you know what I'm treating myself as now.

That's right, a boss monster (simplified to goat). I also have an icon as an older boss monster, and dragon versions (that I have dubbed Boss Dragons). I'm not too sure if I'm gonna be uploading them though. Which leads me to my next point.

4) Writing/ Commissions?

I'm still mostly sure I don't want to come back and do furry writing. I've been working on a few fanfiction projects though, so I'm not completely done writing. I think for now, I'm gonna downgrade myself to a regular lurker.

I've also considered opening commissions again. At least then I'd get paid to write furry stuff. But how well it's gone in the past, (it hasn't), I'm skeptic. I feel like I've lost my edge for this sort of thing.

5) The Real World

By god my social life exploded this year.

I regularly hang out with a good group of friends, it's really nice. On Mondays we play Smash Brothers and on Wednesdays we play Pathfinder. It's still new and exciting to have a ring of awesome friends like this. I'm loving it.

That's all the "new" and "exciting" stuff that's been happening to me.

Happy Singles Awareness Day y'all. Hope you all have a good day, regardless of your plans for the day.

You know the drill, change me into something and ask me something. Make itnsomething you like, todays a special day haha.

As for my question for you guys; What are your plans for today? I wanna hear :)

You know the drill. Make me a thing ask me a thing!

As is old traditional, I'll also ask a question to keep things fun.

My question to you is simple. Favorite color and why? I wanna keep things easy for a return.

I figured I'd bring this back. Could be fun.

Its simple. I ask you a question, and hopefully I'll get some insightful answers. I'll try and make this a regular thing.

So my firat question to you guys is this: What keeps you doing the things you do: art, stories, anything!

The reason I ask is because I face a dilemma right now with my return. Its become abundantly clear that my work will be mostly disregarded unless I a) make it porn, or b) make it about somebody popular. And really, is that anyway to do it? Always doing something for somebody else and not for yourself.

Yes, I know you're not SUPPOSED to do it like that, but it is easier said than done when people seem to think so little of you otherwise. It makes it hard to justify divulging so much of your time when you don't get a lot of return. Its partially why I left in the first place.

So what do you do to move past such thoughts?

Or at least I think so?

I spent this evening uploading some old stories, some of my faves personally. It was a little hard to upload the ones involving people I no longer talk to, but what am I going to do?

As for whether or not this means I'm coming back, I'm not 100% certain. I got a few ideas poppin' in the old noggin' that I may wanna put on here. And maybe bug y'all with some more backlog.

I don't have too many good memories here, don't get me wrong, I have a few here in there, but the bad vastly outweighs the good. So why would I come back here?

Maybe I'm just insane, but aren't we all?

Moving on from the edgysode, I do have a few ideas to spice things up around here. Here's to hoping they pan out.

See ya 'round?

I decided to drop the TMI Tuesday bit of this, nobody went for it anyway lol.

Instead, I figured I'd do a week by week update, just say what's going on in my life. That sounds fun, right?

Like I've been telling people on Skype: Work and School. If it isn't one thing it's the other. I'm normally to tired to do much else sadly, hence my absolute silence in regards to uploads. But (not) thankfully, I've hit what I'm calling Finals Fortnight. The last two weeks of school where all the major assignments and tests are held. Once that has passed, I'm a free man...until January...

Once that's done, I plan to open up commissions again for the month of December. I'm positive the outlook will be different this time but I'm not getting my hopes too high.

Another part of my time has spent playing Fallout 4 and by god is that game amazing. I haven't had much experience with Fallout before this (only a little of 3) but I'm just plain enthralled. I've been constantly starting over trying to get a good character but I've finally settled on someone.

He's only level 23 right now, but he's a super stealthy beast, but he also carries some loud weapons in case the stealth is ruined and he has to fight. I know the level cap is gone for this game but the way I see it, specializing early will help a lot, I can make him more smoother and better at everything later down the line.

So, as for my question for you guys. When it comes to RPGs, What kind of character do you like to play? It can be any RPG you fancy: Fallout, Elder Scrolls, Etc.

For those who are interested, I will be opening up for commissions again in a few weeks once school has ended. With Christmas break, I'll have plenty of time to work on stories.

If you want details on commissions, you can look here. for prices and types.

If you want to reserve a slot for when it actually opens, leave me a note with the details!

Its that time of the week again, ask away, transform away, you know the deal!

As for a question for you guys, I wanna know about your travels. Where was your favorite place to travel? Doesnt even have to be far. Pick a place tell me what its like!

I ask because I'm on my way to Florida. Disney world, all that jive. It will be great to destress and unwind for Thanksgiving, even if I still have schoolwork. Can't win them all!

SHould I even call it TMITF Tuesday anymore?I mean most people just answer the question I have layed out, and at that like one or two people tend to answer XP

Anyways, it's about that time, ask me something, make me something...or don't, whatever!

My question to you this week is pretty important. As you guys now, I am open for commissions seeing as how due to RL situations money is about to become very hard to come by for my mother and I. I only got one taker so far, which is awesome, but that will only get me so far. I'm going to have to get more people interested.

So my question to you is this: What are some ways of getting my name out there? The more people that are aware of me, the higher chance I have of getting a commission. Or maybe I'm going about this all wrong, is there another way to go about making money around here? I'm getting pretty desperate so I'm willing to try just about anything someone might suggest.