This profile was sort of a temp in a way anyways after I started but didn't really want to come back to FA.. For reasons, community is toxic by default. A bunch of wild animals in a single cage gnawing at each other in a real life social game of tooth and tails and has organized themselves into their clicks.. much like you see in high school. BUT I'm not for them, I'm here for my friends that I love dearly (and for dragging me back here in the first place -_-), and for using the drawing platform.

After finishing building  rakeishathefoxbunny a drawing tablet from the ground up, an SSD is finally ordered for my own Tablet PC. So I can start back on drawing without worrying about losing all my work. Well...even so, I just draw traditionally and no fucks will be given otherwise. Hopefully I can draw more, putting in the time between work and respite to just proliferate. Extremely weary about gaining any kind of friendship or bond here. That opportunity got royally ruined and I don't really trust anyone.

I'm probably only talking to my mate at this point so this post is pointless. *sneaks off*

Yo, still alive. Still drawing outside of FA (in the realm of reality v the cyberspace). I draw here at my leisure and at my consent. I'm antisocial and don't share your popular opinions. Respect me and you get respect back. Nothing happened for me to say this. It's just we're at the times no one is tolerating others lifestyle, believes, or race that I'm at a point I'm not giving a flying fuck about your social drama that had dominated your sense of living. I don't have time to masturbate over issues. I'm here trying to survive today. I made nothing but enemies the first time I was here back in 2005 and all my social phobic butt want is friends to talk to. But you know how heart breaking it was to know your so call followers were nothing but stalkers that keep tabs on possible dirt and opinions you have to post elsewhere just because you're guilty by association? The price of open-mindedness for not being prejudice is knowledge you would never learn otherwise and I'm smarter for it. But they don't want that. They want purification, not knowing that this so call community is made up of diverse people of many scopes of life. I have likes and dislikes, you have likes and dislikes. They like raining days, they like sunny days. They like playing in mud, they like swimming in pools. They live a disciplined life, they live a deviant life. Criticism of dislikes isn't the end of the world, it's a chance to learn what's on the other side. As punishment for staying in the middle and seeing pros/cons for both sides and learning from them, I have no friends. And if that's the case, I'll show no hatred towards you, but you better fucking respect. You dig that?

I was too timid to say how I feel because really I'm preserved and dip 'n dodge away from trouble, and I have always been told not to say anything so I can be accepted within society or get blackballed. But silence can get you killed if you don't speak up for yourself. Silence is letting people run you over, moderate how you live, and change the rights you have. And if things becomes like the book📖 1984, you be damn sure I'll be a rebel to the very fucking end. This is where your mind becomes the prison behind labels, and fascist bars, while artistic freedom becomes taboo and forbidden. I went through school through that shit once. Another decade after being online. *points* It's not going to be this year at my doorsteps.

Hate will not be my reward for love and kindness I gave through countless years because I believe that things will get better. Censorship will not be my reward for advice and wisdom I given based on my hardship to help others see through there. Because I was raised to be the generation that moves forward to the path of unity, love and diversity. I had believed that! It was in my heart, passion, and the person that I am constructed myself to be! You yourself choose who you are, and what your labels be, and the lifestyle and believes you have, not anyone else. They should respect that. You may not agree with me, but I won't be persecuted for it.

...That's all I want to say. Peace, Love, and Unity! ✌️

Word of Advice for this year: If you allow others to change history, you allow them to change your rights.

It was for myself...that is an easiest mistake to do, because you can say "I'll try to do it, but no promises." to others and steer clear of the trap of not keeping and hurting them. But to make promises to yourself is saying that you trust yourself whole heartily and if you don't do it you have only yourself to blame and not hurting others. But the whole reason why you don't in the first place is murphy's law, just like jurassic park, will find a way. Not by your own efforts, but the course of life itself. Plane could fall on your bed and kill you for all that matters if it can stop you from succeeding and keeping those promises. I made a promise to myself this year, but long story short, it was all undone with one phone call. It was a year late, and the timing can not be any worse. Can I make it u-no.. just no. *drops mic and leaves, yelling from a distance* Just going to do my damn drawings right now!

Alabama is getting cold weathers now. That's not the first winter for it to happen in March, but it's the first when it comes when it was warming up. We have frost, but not snow! But I can recall a literal blizzard (hi) that came in back in 1993. It was a month my little brother have to be rushed into the emergency room across several counties because of his seizures that prevented him from catching his breath. Two babies was there then. One live..one died...one family prayed that their son don't die. I remembered...I was at my dad's mom house. It was snowing and I wanted to go play outside. Grandma is too scared for me to be out there. I pout and moan as I watch the neighbors build a big snowman and have snow fights. I'm stuck in the house with my drawing paper and hoping and praying that my brother be okey. When grandma heard the news that one of the baby has died, I thought it was my brother, I went to my room and buried my head in the pillow. She later said that he was okey and finally crying. I didn't move..kept my head in the pillow. I was relieved but feel sad that the other baby died, but I don't want her to see that I was crying. She asked me what was wrong? I just said I wanted to play in the snow. But it didn't move her to let me out. As a grandma she just gave me dessert and I went back to drawing. By the time my parents came back, most of the snow had melted away. What was still on the ground was ice and too hard to play with. Still, when we got home along with my brother, me and my dad went out with a cam recorder and had fun with what's left. We walked the country side and marveled at the new scenery. A foreign yet familiar world covered in snow...

AND THIS IS WHEN I FAILED TO MAKE A SNOW ANGEL!!

I never heard of a snow angel and my dad wanted me to make a snow angel in the snow. He gave me instructions to how to make one. I followed...but not the way he intended. I jumped face first into the snow and moved my arms up and down....vertically. So you have a humorous display which is immortalize til I have kids and my parents get to show them..how dad puts it. "make a snow angel from scratch". For what's recorded, it appeared that I was humping the snow.

It never did snow like that til more than a decade later. I was at my work place when mounts was bulldozed into giant piles. Who said that I can't work and play? I ran up the snow mounts and ran down. I didn't bother building a snowman though....or did I?

What was I on about again? I wanted to talk about something but it sort of slip my mind.

13....14......15! *sighs* I'm getting back on my goals. And one of them is doing pull-ups til I can do it casually....again. It's because the first time went well til I got sick til my pull-up count went to zero, but it doesn't means I gave up on the idea. Also doing my yoga more actively then once in a day.

But back to the subject. I'm going to prototype my butt off this month hopefully. A sequel to a program I use even when I paid for it acts only as a trial version til it's officially released. Sort of asinine if it doesn't make a difference from what people can download directly from the site for free but that's the continual shit I have to deal with at yoyogames. But I'm trying to get excited about what I'll be accomplishing this year. Trying. When I keep my friends close with a peace of mind through the world's problem and an optimistic outlook. It's not about ignoring what's going on. It's to be flexible, enduring and helpful. People around the world actively need a helping hand through their trials and it's having a strong, big heart to not get dispirited. Be courageous and well guarded on what lies ahead with those you love and trust. Never resort to hatred in these times or it will consume you and those you spread the fire to.

So to take my own advice, I got to be strong. Means satisfying my personal needs before it kills me. You could take it as taking care of yourself to perusing your dreams. And mines is start exercising more and going head long into fear of screwing up with extreme ferocity. And I'm going to do it a LOT. Audacious baby! Can't be content behind never making a mistake by never trying. How would anyone invent the light bulb? So a year passed and I still have no clue how Krita works nor how to update it from 2.9.2 to 3.1. I better use it anyways despite it and learn on the way. This also includes Synfig, an open source animation program, and Dragonbone, another free program for game animations. The key is to not put a lot of crap on my plate.

This is going to be one NASTY year where you can't go through a single day without getting involved in the news and politics because the dick is at the front porch with eye squinted. Hopefully this doesn't put a dent on black history month though or Smaug is going to fly out of the lonely mountain.

Many can overlook the fact that we can still create new languages, new ideas, new ways of thinking, new everything. This is a natural thought for me and I believe I can do a lot of things in my lifetime....if my pain stop long enough for me to do so. Naturally liberal. Naturally open-minded. Naturally testing old ideas and systems. It doesn't means I'm going into the butt ugly politics or anything since power and money makes the world go round. I'm saying that there are many man made barriers of fascism, fear, and complacency that trying new things risk you getting ostracized, ridiculed, or worse.....killed. So yea your options is to walk in line with the other subconsciously because it is forged in your head that it's the norm and fits in the order of what's acceptable. And what if someone starts doing somethings that's not familiar to you? Do you show intolerance based on conservation? And if you do, I can't see why you're artists.

I'll never fit in with any of that because it's not me. I'll do my damn-est to be different. It is a passion as well as what makes my spirit. But I can't reveal too much of it since a key to the heart can be used against them.

NOW. I hope to do a lot of new things for this year. I can't say much til I get them done, but I hope I can give those the courage to open up to learn and evolve.

My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today.

-Richard Adams (May 9, 1920 - Dec 24, 2016)

HI EVERYONE! HOW YOU'RE LIKING YOUR DEAD HEROES AND CELEBRITIES!

This year have been stupidly stressful, people are dying from it. I'm not joking... I was hoping for a bright and invigorating future where we can work on our resolution and become better than we was last year, then bad news of all sorts from racial, political, and strife, whether you like it or not get cramped up your ass dry. Soon people are dying left and right. It can't be all natural to be collectively dying in one year. Stress can be the ending fracture of it all and can be a big killer of old age. I'm not worried about Clint Eastwood though. He's too hard to die. But this is concerning.

I promised that I didn't try to go to this year with a negative attitude. I really didn't. But I'm afraid that regardless of my positive outlook, something is going to slap ALL of our shit down. I'm going to 'attempted' to do what I want to get started this year, and that's the end of this post. No faith whatsoever.

Wow...I come to terms that it's no 'in the month' project and that it takes some damn dedication to nurture it to a big growing and breathing world. So I'm going to have to hemorrhage what I have on here and on a deviant community soon. As I worked on the project, I saw that I've been spending so much time on it, that it's expanding into two notebooks. If I ever finish however would be overwhelming to compile them into digital format. This is a problem, because I would just be repeating notes than making progress. So it may means that I'm going to be forced to work on it exclusively on digital. This is a double edge sword for me. While it's easy for me to cut, paste, add, and grow my content, I found my freedom easiest on traditional paper, and son, I don't have a good quality camera or scanner to make that stuff pretty.

It doesn't mean I will totally quit doing things traditionally (when you're dealing with a fire breathing tablet at the summer time, would you try to avoid it?) I had always wanted to work with color pencils, and watercolor markers to create things. But that's going to be a good while til I have better equipment. But in the meantime, it may force me to finally use my web-space to upload these content-oooh...right. By the way, Dimarsh isn't so 'safe for work'. So I may end up switching services that allow me to have more sharing freedom. I have an audacious, free thinking mentality so I don't want services to hold me back on things that they deem questionable just for expression myself.

ANYWAYS, the 'short' comic story I planned to put into the Dimarsh Magazine have grown into a freaken graphic novel. I'm not kidding. There's some stories you can't summarize in just a few pages. And I have outline many...MANY stories expanding eras and generations. And these have significant differences because in different times, different ideals, tech and beliefs are form, not to mention evolution/adaptations that happens during the course of the stories. I wonder if some story writers have this problem?

But it's a beautiful thing!! I haven't felt so focus on building a world this colorful, so rich, and so deep! I'm almost want to make everything perfect! It's a good mindset, but not logically productive as it takes several drafts and improvement throughout it's lifetime. So the world will start imperfect...and slowly build into an optimized and believable world.

All it takes is a daring step into the unknown..

Sorry, but it's in my heart to post about how others can help in the Florida tragedy.

https://www.gofundme.com/2942a444

Any uniqueness, any differentiation, any belief and cause will always be under attack. And someone like me who oppose any kind of prejudice, justified or not, will always be there.

I don't do speculations on the cause because it doesn't matter right now. Only the lives that are lost and still living. They need care and support just like any other individuals whether you're afraid to be diverse or not. I'm very sad because the world has not evolved yet from accepting one another for who they are.

Prejudice is contagious. Even now, hate will reap hate. Fear will reap fear, and it will fall back to who is the blame, who is to hate, who is to enforce justice. In the wrong order, it is a dangerous idealism. Love first...care first...learn first. This will prevent making a larger mistake that keep the sickness live and going.

Share this link in this journal to help those victims of hate.

I don't expect anyone reading this but keisha, but I'm a little hard at work doodling a story board, and making templates for a project that I hope would get done by the end of June. The dimarsh magazine comprise of LOTS of many things, and I hope it will be the first of many. I plan for a few of these to be free, but I can't afford for ALL of them to be. It be nice. Hell, LOVE to give away things I'm passionate about but that isn't realistic, yet.

The magazine will have a comic, a story, some illustrations, some games, some off-topic stuff. All around a creative common world of dimarsh and the undergrove. What I hope to accomplish is to set a base, and ideas around the magazine and of the world itself. And hopefully it become big and expansive in the future with a soon, live and vibrant community.

That's the goal. I don't know what more I can say really. I'm covered in traditional drawn concept art and documents of language, culture and settings written in batshit much like richard garriott's notes in his younger years. The thing you got to know about me is I'm a world builder and it's story teller and this trait is bound tightly with my passion of game designing. Building a world is an art in itself and making it beautiful and interactive is a skill.

I just say time will tell. I thought I might ask a question of what you think of the idea and thoughts of contribution once it's out. But that question could only be answered if I have it finished, so sorry for wasting everyone's time. *goes back underground with a sad face*

In my quest to get a better hard drive for my laptop, I ran across a good deal on ebay of a sexy SSD. Looked at the ratings, then info and it looks damn legitimate. It's not long until I got an email from ebay that the account that I brought the hard drive from was compromised.. bogus, dude. I wasn't worried as I told keisha when it happened because I'll get my cash back. It was disheartening that it happened and thought I can finally get some stuff done. The laptop I have has all the software I need, just it's TERRIBLE when the hard drive locks up that most of the application itself fail to play. That means animation software, video editors, krita, and other drawing software. HELL, even the game creation software which makes it darn near hard to prototype when it deficates everytime you want to compile and test them.

On other news, I'm steady sketching and practicing drawing traditionally. I yet have anything to show digitally since they too are practice work. It's fine toning the species around the dimarsh world before doing some one-shot comics, so it'll be a while.

That's about it and happy star wars day!

As usual, I talk about how I'm able to do simple things like I'm some sort of snorlax unable to get out the couch and through a small door. But that's what I have to deal with these days when you're in pain. Neck isn't doing any better but walking with my hips is becoming more manageable. I hate bringing that up around mom because she'll instantly be upset with me with should of or should had. But no one can really foresee all the future. I worked until I broke apart, and I'm working on recovering. It doesn't mean I've given up. That is the thing and the added stress doesn't help the situation get better faster. It takes commitments and perseverance. It's slow, but it's better than not going places. My goal is to be able to walk 10 miles everyday like I used to. To anyone wondering, that's 20,000 steps per day. That's nothing for me to achieve back then, and with WEIGHTS ON! But now when you have a hip that acts up when you stand or walk on it for more than 10 to 20 minutes, achieving it could be an act of strong willed faith or counter productive insanity. I am concerned about my health and is willing to become stronger than I was. Again..I'm no hero and I'm not living up to anyone's expectations but mine. If it becomes too hard, I'm not killing myself just to make someone else happy. Not anymore.

I'm in a desperate need of a new hard drive for this laptop I'm using. It doesn't sound much since it's still works, but windows made it nearly unserviceable by making the hard drive work harder for nothing. The current hard drive I have is a 750gb sata II 5400rpm. After windows updated to 8.1, eventually the disk performance become maxed at 95 to 100%. This causes total freeze in functionality much like a maxed CPU and stalling HDD. My goal is to get an SSHD, a hybrid hard drive. How I get it would be something I'm in need of help of.. But fixing it will be no problem.

Technically, eff windows. Itself would be partition in the small portion of the hard drive, mostly for compatibility, while my major OS will be for the rest of it. Yep, I'm dual booting it with linux(ubuntu 16.04 LTS). The distro of choice, I could use either Linux Mint 18, XFCE 4.14 or Zorin 12. Either way, what I do majority on my laptop luckily doesn't require windows, and I need it to be quick and responsive. Krita and Mypaint, my two choice drawing applications, are both available and it's free (still going to rub it in the face of those with pirated versions of SAI). Plus, the games I play with my fiancee are html5, flash, or compatible in general so win win. I do have to use windows 10 for creating compatible games for it, because that's what majority of users are going to use. But the lack of linux games encourages me to consider distribute most into the library.

Welp, time to do some calisthenics and/or yoga. Depend on my neck or hip so eff trying to impress shit. I'm happy being able.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyY4xu4ecQI

Drawing gets a little hard and it maybe how I'm laying. I'm done a concept art for an Ogre a bit ago and while I'm committed to try to complete it, staring at the blaring light of the laptop tablet seems to drill into my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm able to do dimarsh to be honest. The lazy route is to quit everything, go back to work, never look back at what I started so I never have to work on anything that I'm passionate about. Just be passionate at doing the job I used to do in the past instead of doing something new and out of my comfort zone. Fear can keep you from growing and I can easily fall back into being complacent and never experience new and excitement of fulfilling my dreams.

Passion was what made me survived in the working world. I have a passion to make others happy, and a passion in doing the best I can at the job at hand. Because many would go to work and ONLY see the bad things about it, but it's not the right attitude to have if half your life takes place in the working world. I seems to do a better job than my parents when it comes to having a positive attitude at work. While I know things are going to get bad, it doesn't bother me as bad because you know having ups and downs is inevitable. I go to my mom while she's working and ask how she doing and pretty much pick fun at the day we're having. I become a breath of fresh air and I go back to my marry way.

Work had became a game where I try to achieve to best myself. From racing to get done with the primary job so I can start on something at a slower pace, or reading body languages so you can better serve the neighbors that come. I also had worked with weights on so work will be effortless. So I can manage my endurance and pace throughout the day. It fun but it's quite challenging as well. Because my working efforts have become the standards. No one really can work like I do and they shouldn't say that other should be able to do what I do. To my co-workers, they called me superman, because I seem to do more, and don't run out of energy. I put 200% in the day and check out while not letting up.

In the end though, pain started to take hold and crippled my ability to do what I want, so eventually I broke down to 100% till the pain was too much to last another year. It was fun while it lasted. After leaving work, I said to myself. "I can take this opportunity to do what I want. I have all the books I need and the software I invested on, and the know hows in buying stocks and bitcoins, I will start my personal online business."

This decision didn't come easy. I had talked with my superiors who took a liking to an over achieving shy autistic kid that's very enthusiastic at making a career at the work force. I had asked him, "do you like your job?" He said that he does and I also asked him. "how long do you work per day?" He replied 13 hours. And my mouth pretty much dropped. That some serious commitment to a job, but do anyone enjoy it when your work is your home? I seriously thought about increasing my value at my job and going up the latter. Work smarter, not harder. That statement up to this point seems like I'm contradicting myself but it isn't. It's job mastery, and mastery means that it becomes second nature. Nothing you do you're not familiar with. You find out that you have a lot more freedom than you expected. I know I have. I can literally go anywhere, do anything, as long as my primary job is efficiently done.

But there's a dark side of it all....

Years in, while things never improved or changed, veterans of the work place started to KIA. To put it in a way, they eventually start passing away. This is also true when they finally retire and shortly before the year or two is up, they kick the bucket. This saddens me. Most of them are my buddies.. I know each of us have our own paths in life, they probably don't have high expectations in their life. But I do know it isn't for me. I want to work hard at what I love. And while I enjoyed my previous job, it isn't my niche and I'm sure as HELL isn't going to die fulfilling a deadman's defiled dream.

Of course I have set backs. My programs' a bust. The internet evolved, but it isn't the end. While getting a job is still an option to help invest in things I need for it, I don't want it to be the only path. It's easy for family to be too complacent as well that while you're at work, the fund you get are leeched to the point of diminishing returns. I want them to have a positive attitude in what I'm trying to do. I want them to help, not cast it aside with disinterest. The only one I know that supports me is my dad. Sadly, he isn't able to do what he likes. He is an indie comic book artist and who I'm inspired by.

I used to watch him in his art studio sketching and coming up with ideas. I learned a bit of art techniques as well doing that time and I want to do comic strips when I grow up. Heh..that almost came to past til the internet disaster where I'm branded as soon as I got on when I did drawing of anthropomorphic animals and I have not the damnedest clue what the fudge's a furry is. It's what I'm most comfortable drawing and it's fun. With traumatic school experience just years behind that didn't really help...especially when the furries themselves started blackballing those that don't fit in or may give them a bad image, and I was right at the cross-hairs of it.

In the end, my dad had to stop perusing his dream because he had to support his family. he was 28 then. Never really went back to it to be honest. Even when I was old enough to get a job, I had him borrow my tablet pc to do his art, though he never got around to it. It's pretty sad. He can barely see now because he has cataracts. I hope when I get my business started I help get his eye sight restored so he can do what he always wanted. I care about him so much...

Anyways, I want to know if I'm competent to do commissions when I get started but I hate to say I'm a little late to do valentines day. I don't mine anyone helping me spread the word when it comes available.

Motherly Advice of the Day
"Get your ass in the car and draw you some booty!"

Mom knows I can be such a mormon when it comes to doing things morally so it comes to no surprise when I said I had an account on Furaffinity for 11 years and rarely got views because I do clean art, she tell me to go draw some booty and boobs. You got to love her.

But in all seriousness, I am quite deviant and more so then I was in the past. But can someone be too audacious? I learn since being on here, the trials that the community can have can have a direct effect on you despite your anticipation. I was kind to others, I gave out of whim because it makes me happy, and I wasn't mean to anyone...but despite my efforts, I lost friends here because of being divergent and I never really forgave the community because of it. It's why I'm so skeptical of letting my fiancee on. Prejudice can over write your individuality out of fear and hatred and I've always question about my safety when at home, you have those that shoot paintballs at your house while flying a confederate flag at the back of their truck, letting you know you're not entirely welcome. This can go with nearly EVERY COMMUNITY I've joined. Things suddenly go off topic real hard when finding details about you that's really isn't their concern (a facebook decease before there was facebook). And it's as simple as being a christian and lo' and behold, they think your very reason for being there is to convert them to Jesus, or having a cartoon animal drawing for your icon and you're out to hump their pets. This no longer become the topic the community revolves around, it's now about what YOU are? And I tell them all the same answer. I am an unique diverse individual. I share this world with you as you do. Apparently this isn't the right answer and I'm promptly ostracized. This is a common place since school and up to having access to the internet. All I can do is remain as I am and don't lose heart when you don't fit their definition of life style. Let you do you and them do them. If the environment becomes intolerable, just dust your feet and keep on.

I hate digressing like this, and it's usually not my idea to do so. I like to talk about games, biology, and animals, not 20 questions of "All your answers are wrong despite you knowing more than me". I learn about others by talking to others, not by judging them and learning from 2nd hand hash.

Back to the REAL topic at hand. I'm learning a lot about making brushes on MyPaint, and I can say I could be as bold as DELETING ALL BRUSHES and create what works for ME....just not too soon til I master it, but not before sending a text to David Revoy about how sick he did the Owl Princess drawing and I like to know how he goes about how he just create brushes on the flow. Comes to find out, it's a basic practice when using MyPaint, it just not discussed as heavily for any basic user to benefit from it.

See, when you get a paint program, you learn from other applications that you have to work with what you have in the tool box. Paint? Check! Pencil? Check! Eraser..okey! Let's GO! But it isn't like that at all and the sexy open canvas program goes deeper than leonard dicaprio in inception. You can BUILD brushes to work the way you want! It can create perfect leaves on a stroke. It can throw down grass. Change colours depending on direction, pressure, or speed. It can be a dual tool like a blue pencil when drawing lightly, and an ink pen when putting pressure on the tablet. It can be a blurring tool, or a shader that turns lighter when putting pressure down. I can go on and the possibility is limited to your imagination! I had this free opensource software for years and I NEVER dug in. How can I? When you look at it, it is as minimalistic you can get. But if I did, I would probably never upgrade my tablet PC to ubuntu so my pen's pressure could work so it maybe a boon that I didn't.

So I expect to use MyPaint a LOT for Dimarsh project til I'm brave enough to make deep fervent love to Krita.

I'm getting better at drawing notes! It may not sound much to anyone, but I always though my note taking since growing up in school is tasteless, bland, and taught that way to begin with. If sketchnoting didn't exist now, I would had come up with it eventually by incorporating infography and comic style art. Now my notebooks look like exotic tomes from philosophers, wiccans, and herbalist. I love it! Not quite Voynich yet but I am studying hard on typography, and language structures from hangul, kanji, chengyu, program scripting and arabic. And minimalistic pictures..that's important too. This I can put into any of my work as creating a game design document, gamebooks and bestiaries.

I think sketchnoting should be taught in conjunction with graphical outlines. It helps students to have a visual aid and representation of their lessons in class and have something long lasting to look back to when they leave. Imagine going to school then coming home with scrapbooks of all the interesting things you've learned like a professor doing field study on nature. School should be engaging and fun, something that should be naturally grown, and be compassion about FIRST, rather than forged and disciplined. Making sure the staff is open to the idea rather than mandated into practices. To teach is something that's in the heart, and a passion to do. If you're there's shoving paper and homework in kid's throats and walking home with a paycheck, teaching is NOT a job for you. (I had my share of being yelled at for not understanding what they teach which shouldn't be a problem, and I wasn't being a brat about it either).

I haven't been uploading anything on here because I'm doing more traditional drawing than digital. Sketching and drawing characters of Dimarsh, biology notes, and outlines for my comic, and gamebook. But I may make a folder for my practice artwork with digital drawings. *shrugs*

Here's my send off. Be a warrior of life. Never limit yourself for comformism.

It's not enough to wish, it's not enough to dream, it's not enough to promise. We must do.

Thomas S. Monson

There are times when you dream of doing what you want to do, you find yourself alone. That no one cares unless they benefit from it. Don't stop when you can't get support. There is no perfect times, but appropriate ones. Being calm, stable, and balance should be only motive to do what you want then finding the perfect opportunity to start. And when the dream is realize, there are those that wants to ruin it by tainting it, turning it into a perversion and an obsession. Don't stop even when the world turns against you. You do what you love. That's your sanctuary.

I wouldn't call Dimarsh a dream project, but a stepping stone to express an art of my own that leads up into bigger ones. To expand on various ideas that I had that was bound to me for more than a decade by now. All I know is I want to at least do something in my lifetime in putting a thumb print on this earth. I have many software to make animations but they are dated. The road block is that I'm convince that I need the latest software to do what I need and it takes time for me to learn how to use it, but the software that I have is functional as is already, and you learn by doing, not waiting til knowledge is perfected for fear of flawing your work. We are spoiled by making the first impression perfect because that's how society expects us to do. As Bruce Lee had said, "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectation and you're not in this world to live up to mine". Many famous people have unsuccessful start in their lives in the past, and many have their success tainted in this present time. It's a sour future it became when we break down others to satisfy our insecurity then praise those that worked hard and never gave up. But this is the dice we're given and we have to make our save throws, despite the penalties.

With the misfortune of having fibro, and dire need for funds, I'm not giving up on making a career to help all our family no matter how demoralized they are at a hope that anyone in our family will even come close in making a successful business. Even I have doubts that I'll be able to keep up with the ever changing world of the internet. But some are willing to help, and I found friends that believe that I can do it. I can't tell you how much a little ember can light even the darkest places. But it's enough to put the pen down and start.

Quantity equals habit. Quality equals mastery of habit. To go for your dream, you got to make it a habit. You got to get busy to exercise. You got to get busy drawing, writing, kicking, learning. Whatever you need to do to become what you want. If it fits your passion, you will succeed. If it doesn't, then you also need to learn that quitting means you haven't given up. It's an opportunity to reflect and broading your options of what you can do. Take what you've learn as experience, not as regret or wasted time. Cutting off a limb of a tree doesn't hold back production fruit, but helps it grow bigger than it was.

A small step to uncertainty is better than waiting for the red carpet to lead you to a perfect path.

tl;dr: I want to start a patreon for making games, drawing, and being awesome in general since working my ass off in a corporation til I'm broken to pieces didn't work. Enjoy doing what I love to afford medical expenses.

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I started off as a work-a-holic when it comes to supporting my family. It's pretty much how I was trained to to be prepared for the working world. And also wanted to design and create games for a living. But my career in game development I said to myself will have to wait til I get my family out of dept, and move on on my own. It's what I always wanted to do before I got out of school because we lived poor and I want to solve that.

So the following years, I achieve feats that my work mates haven't accomplished in a short span of 7 years. I helped and supported my colleges in being an helpful leader. I even made more than most my supervisors in salary. That I was able to take care of my family and invest in books for my career in game design, business and self improvement. My family was happy and welcome my support in getting them out of binds, which makes me happy as well. This all start crashing down when I started aching and I could no longer do what I want as effectively. Instead of moving me where I'm able, I was let loose. Details I rather not recalled, but no longer having insurance, my condition escalated and it developed into something frightening bad. On top of that, many of the books I invested over those years are no longer up to date in a changing world of the internet so I got to use what I saved to buy new ones (remember XHTML? Yeah, at the time it was called the future of web scripting when I brought that giant book). Being put on pills and unable to do much for myself and home, my family unfortunately saw me as a liability and it did more than broke my heart since they also saw my hobby less than lucrative and a product of aspergers (stuttering and auditory processing disorder doesn't help my case). I reflect on my life then and asked if this all worth it just to be couch bound in pain for the rest of my life?

I'm not going to give up though. So it took several months to finally get moving and try to get back my energy. There were many brick walls but I manage to be able to exercise with little complications, and I'm able to do work around the house. But now, I need to find a way to get funds in. Patreon looks like a life safer as of now and I can pour my locked up passion in creating games and improving on drawing. Maybe I can turn this into something organic. Who knows, but I won't be looking for whales. A dollar or five will be enough from enough people to pay for medical (and a bottle of 'two old goats'). If I make more than I need then I hope most of it will go to donation for others with fibromyagia (if I know how....).

Currently, I'm trying to get organized and pulled out my poster board to draw and put up. Mostly it's a logo and outlines that will help motivate me in accomplishing my goals. A little happiness is trying to creep in but my heart is still heavy. This IS what I want to do, but will it be looked at positively for a change? I shouldn't care, but it isn't the first time when my environment have encroached into thrift and trouble. Another unfortunate event I don't want to recall. All I need is a bit of faith, and a helping hand to lift me up when the weight of life bares down on me.

Hope I write another journal less depressing and more uplifting. But I always try to at least see the bright side of things.

http://36.media.tumblr.com/00da65b4.....26lo1_1280.jpg

This is something I have found browsing for pictures of fibro and this makes a good point. Makes me feel a little better too when in some days it just NOT going to work out for the better no matter what you do. I don't know where to start with this, but friends, family, and neighbors as well as other people can be...say an anchor. Say, you fight against the pains of your body and try to stay positive, trying to do little things each day, trying to be strong, trying not to show your symptoms. Some days you will just.. fail.. UTTERLY. Curling back up in bed as pain burns through your body and be told that you're just lazy. Being melancholic and pessimistic and chasing away your friends. Having mind fog and freaking diarrhea and being made fun at. And on the other side of the spectrum when we do fight through the day, and tell people about your small achievements, either it's too little to care about or they'll tell you that you're not sick. All in all, you DON'T WIN! What do you do? Well with anyone with fibro would do, go either apeshit angry and tear the heads off the offender, or crawl in the corner and cry....in pain.....and having to go to the bathroom again. In reality, it's your life. You do what you can to make it through each day, despite other's opinion. You're not obligated to be what people want you to be or be a bright sunshine. You can't always be the hero, or be a figure of inspiration. And if you try, you're guarantee to be disappointed as you do the number 2 the 4th time that day. So you got to be like rambo and live day by day. Don't put too much dependance on others for your happiness, to cheer you on, to be there when you down in the dumps, or let anyone bring you down because you achieve so little, don't believe you, or don't want to be around people with fibro. If you do, you'll be carrying more anchors then you need to just get out of bed and out of the house. Fight your battles and find your own rewards. It does help to find a rare few that understand and can pick you up when you about to drop the staff.

I rather do comic journal then use any of these build-in journals. But I guess I could use this for something.. And to be honest, some journals I do is for me for inspiration or to look back on in progress. It helps in the past recovering from bad school experience, it'll help me through new challenges I face.

Oh last thing. I'm able to mow the yard without getting exhausted spontaneously. A small growing achievement, but you got too look at what I used to do compare to doing this simple thing? I had walked with weights 10 miles per day before I had fibro, and I couldn't even mow. I was horrified and devastated. But this small thing...there's hope I can get my strength back.

Bonus: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.co.....8d050e567c.jpg
Bonus: http://www.magnetictherapyfacts.org...../03/fibro3.jpg

Life's challenges will hit you in an instant...

First post on this account. I can't say I'm proud of myself after fibro hit. I had big plans to start for my resolution too. Train for parkour, better my drawing skills, do yoga for back pains, and increase my spirituality and my lifestyle of love. But that came short when symptoms of fibro hit like a freight truck, and the game was over before it started. My pull-up count goal was 200 and it was climbing slowly towards that, determined to make a break through no matter what it took. I wanted to encourage others to make a change and effort in their life. To powerlevel for myself and for my wellbeing. That is my goal. I brought my tablet PC back to life with a unused hard drive from my old laptop and installed ubuntu 14.10 into it, plus adding krita, mypaint, and enigma IDE. My work tablet in working order and ready for the big job, from painting to developing projects to starting my own online business. It isn't the best, but it will do the job. My mentality is that there is no perfect day to start but now to do what you wish you do. To make the difference. To do something is better than letting a day pass. I broke down and was getting ready by doing, and getting results.

*SLAM!*

I hit a brick wall called fibromyagia. A freak illness that can render an individual useless. bodywide pains, mind fog, insomnia, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome, all that good stuff. Put those together and you have a recipe made in HELL! To add insult to injury, the ones I'm trying to encourage picked on me while I was down. I literally felt defeated and chained. the climb for better health dropped. My pull up count went from 35, to 10 to 0. And I can tell you, mindfog is like having derpy micro strokes.

Couch ridden with a laptop on the side for months, I can't sleep during the night but through daytime, since night seems to be when symptom is worse. Depression added to my pains didn't help either. Lo, those that are closes to me in the best friend circle gets the full blunt of me trying to maul them to bits, and I'm prone to raging. Days that felt like any moment, my body would stop working and quit which is the last think I want to happen when I have a fiancee. She already lost one boyfriend. I don't want to be the second.. I can't stay like this..I can't quit..I will reach my goal..

Getting up, I know it's a mouthful to still go for my goals. But I have to change my strategy when one is unavailable for me. I can't pullup so I got to switch up to another calisthenics. In days I don't want to be with friends, I have to force to make an effort, feeling well or not,... at the risk of my friend's safety and sanity =C. Even down to simple taking care of hygiene after so long broken and flashed bang with tinnitus on the couch. To be honest, I'm frustrated. Not only I felt stuck but leveled down back to one. And months keeps ticking by and by... not sure I'm able to work at a normal job like I used to. And days I felt I was lazy when I was in pain. Brushing those old haunting thoughts aside, it's time to revise a new resolution.

There's no better time to start but now! New month! New start! Refreshed attitude! I can't say things changed fighting to be positive. It's hard. No watering that down. I can smack you with the back hand of pessimisticness at any moment. I've started a fibro group  fibrofur with only the profile and icon to do. I've renewed my passion with my projects again, and went back drawing. Even continuing with yoga (parkour can wait for now). The general idea is that the game is not over yet no matter how underleveled you are and the different negative stats attached to you. You can't always use sickness as a crutch. It's time to grit, git, cause I'm too legit, to quit....I'm so oldschool. *muscle spasms*