Finally managed to get back here...

I have not been able to log in to FA for weeks! So frustrating.. Finally I managed to get back.

A call out to Luffy the Moderator for being patient with me this day, and for Pyrex, friend of a friend, who knew programming to diddle with more complex coding to figure out exactly was wrong.

Needless to say, they never closed, but this week there are two games I have my eye on... One being Eldin Ring, the other being a game on sale for steam that has a fair bit of DLC. Affordable! Negotiable! By all means, step right up~ SFW and NSFW available!

Upon the previous journal and one side comment later, the artist who blocked me actually reached out to me with a olive branch of sorts... And, yeah, yeah. Their reasons for doing what they did are result of personal reasons, to which... I find the action a bit extreme still, but petty... no, not so much, now. To what they replied with, I say...

Fair.

Honestly I'm blocked again, not because of some aggressive back and forth, but this is a person I understand better now. It doesn't feel personal anymore, and honestly I'm just kinda happy they even bothered to bury the hatchet even though there wasn't really anything extreme going on. Just a faux pause that they are making a statement on in a reserved private manner, hence why I won't be pointing them out, since I can respect all that was said and for the artist. I met plenty of people who are just that sensitive to things for one reason or another. After twenty years of actually having friends, I can totally get that.

I would still like to comment upon their art and even commission them one day, but meh, we can't always have what want.

If you read this, person in question... I can dig it. Good feels intended all around.

When a person you never said but maybe one or two words two, none offensive... up and blocks you.

I don't get it, but being blocked over petty, harmless shit is incredibly frustrating. Its almost as bad as the Deviantart Blacklist thing where if you draw one thing that someone dislikes, the website automatically blocks you for that person. Except that doesn't feel personal. I never so much as once shared a single word with the artist, but it gets me blocked by comparing a Nightstalker, a creature I am unfamiliar with as I do not play Fallout, to a Tobi Kadachi. Apparently that was a breaking point of somehow? That one comparison was such a offensive thing that someone I never knew blocked me. I ain't offended as much as I am indignant.

That, and maybe I would have bought a commission from him one day that now I probably wont ever get because he overreacted to nothing; nothing that I sure as hell know about anyway.

Well, that's my two cent rant I'll forget about tomorrow.

I managed to get through my car repair, for what little that may have done... But one step at a time. I still need income to get through this month, so if anyone would like a commission, come on down and ask for what you like!

I do not have many followers here, but I try all the same. I need to fix up my car's radiator, so I need a bit of extra cash. Anything you guys buy will help!

Not that they ever closed, BUT I HAVE A NEED FOR MONEH!

Truth be told, I just need extra funds to sustain my current explosion of Mantis Breeding as several of their eggs have hatched and they quite literally are taking over my room. So I must get more deli cups, more mantis food, fly food for mantis food, and other things.

My prices are here https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40600229/ and negotiable! So by all means, please do come on down and buy some art from me!

I need to replace my car tires today, so thats a majority of my monthly funds burned through just so I can use my old car again. If anyone would kindly buy a few commissions, I would be very grateful.

It isn't like they went away, but here is me throwing out another journal to see who may be interested!

They never been closed. I'm low on money, broke full out, so I need money. I don't go over 30 dollars at most! Totally can haggle!

...well, Fur Affinity looks like Deviant Art now. A little bit... yay? Gonna get use to this.

I am still active, just hardly here. I don't got much community here, I got Discord for that. That said, I am still very much here all the same, and will post things related to my content here.

And I still do have commissions. Never bee afraid to ask about things.

Remember role play? I do. Some people still do it, but I dont. It was always fun. IMVU sorta killed it for me, though. IT was all sex, there, though. Not that I complained but it got toxic really quick.

Still.. I miss it.. nyeh..

Okay at this point, I am willing to draw smut. So long as it isnt extreme and stuff.

I would post examples here in the journal, but I just don't think this website has that feature.

That said, look at my gallery for how my art looks! Or check out my Deviantart or Tumblr. Plenty of places to look.

Come on guys, I'll draw just about anything.

Commissions are open, of course. Information is here http://akitymh.deviantart.com/journ.....open-478157939

Sketches will be $5, flat out. They will look like this. Digital or traditional.

I haven't done a bust shot, but I'll do those too for $5 dollars as well.

Something colored will be anywhere between $10 and $20, depending on what I got to

I will draw just about anything.

So after my last Journal, I made my decision to say goodbye to my friend again. The typical shit happened; excuses of all sorts which were half-assed and did not make sense.

"You are asking me to talk to you when I need to not to talk to anyone"
Uhh.. no, if that were the case, you would not talk to ANYONE, which you do.

"Your being unfair by doing this"
Know what else is unfair? Singling me out(And probably others, I dont know) to make time for OTHER friends.

"I just wanted draw and-"
EXACTLY. One or two "Hello, how are you doing" exchanges every other day is bad enough, but when your literally putting drawing above your friends? Thats a problem. Actually, your not even putting it above your friends, you are putting it above me!

"I'm stressed with my mom and things are coming up in real life"
Well you know what? For someone who has so much heavy stuff on her shoulders, she sure does derp and goof around a lot with her other friends. You do not act stressed at all. Do not tell me that when you have the free time and careful mindset of spending all day online.

"I dont socialize"
...THEN WHY SOCIALIZE, YOU STUPID GIRL!?

Thats all of the top of my head. My friend has made it clear through her actions that she does not want to talk to me or socialize with me. She wants to selectively talk to certain people ONLY and draw furries and furry porn.
I have nothing against drawing or drawing porn, but when you put it above some of your friends, then I am sorry, but that is treating certain people shitty. I literally got no damn idea why she even tried to defend herself and say "I'll try to be better" when she had no intention to do that at all.
I really fucking hate being treated in this shitty manner, and is the main reason why I told her I am utterly done. She wants to treat people like that? Fine, but I aint putting up with it. If you got free time, then you got free time, and you should feed people a shit excuse as to why you cant socialize with them. If you dont want to be around them, THEN SAY IT TO THEIR FACE.

So why am I making this journal and bitching about it? Because it fucking HURTS to know that I said "we're done" and shes not in the least bit upset that I am gone. I knew this person for nearly 10 years and yet they just shrug it off, continue to derp around, doodle, draw porn, and give no care in the world.

My friendship meant UTTERLY NOTHING TO THIS PERSON. That hurts. Especially when I am willing to stand by anyone's side under almost any circumstance possible. I give as much compassion as I can muster, which is not much. I myself can be a very shitty person. I will admit my flaws, but I wont say that makes me better than others.

This is my last vent on the matter, because I dont want to give her anything anymore. That includes pressing the block button. I wont give her that reaction. This Journal will be my last word on the matter, and that is all there will ever be ever again.

Sometime from now, she'll come to my page, read this, and probably say something about it. I don't know. Since I predicted that, she'll probably not do it out of spite or something. I dont care.

Thats all I will say on that matter. People who read this: if you got someone who is treating you unfairly in any way, say something. and if it persist and your being hurt, take the steps to fix it. Even if you have to say goodbye to that person, just do it for your own health and self respect.

Ak out.

So some months ago... 7 months, according to my journal entries, I mentioned a friend was lost to me because of how she treated me about a year earlier from that point in time.

Well that journal made he approach me, and you know what? It seemed good... but as of lately, shes back to how she was acting. Not in the sense shes aggressive toward me, but she doesn't talk to me. She talks to a handful of people a day, but barely talks to me. Usually its it "Hey hello" ...and that is it. No conversation. She role plays with one person, and honestly revolves around THAT ONE PERSON. Most of the time it does not bother me. Why? Cause shes infatuated with this person, and she has feelings for this person.
So why does this bother me now? Because for someone who tried so hard to earn my trust back so she could associate with me for fun is not doing that.

So now I got a friend who I like to talk to, hang out with, etc, etc... But they never want to interact with me. And it feels terrible. I noticed this a week ago especially when my dog passed away, and I wanted to hang around my friends to get my mind off it. Well, her reactions were brief. She just went back to drawing, doodling, and talking with others.

But if I bring this up? She just gets upset, and angry, then her friend gets upset at me who I also talk too. I blew up at her, and all she did was get defensive and saying I was in the wrong. She was right, because I took her head off for not talking to me. But outside of that, I am almost never approached... and when I am, its brief.

This is not friendship. There is no basis to have a friendship on. I cannot have a conversation and bond with someone if that person does not involve me, or does things and excludes me from those things.
She draws and creates new OC's, and role plays with them with one or two people, and then creates more OC's which she will involve with those people and not me.
Does that sound childish? Yes, but in the other case, if you purposely ignore your friends, thats a passive aggressive thing to do. Its even bullying to an extent. The actions blatantly tell you things.
And the actions my friend has shown me is clear: I do not want to interact with you.
It really hurts my feelings...

I will just post a link to my prices here http://akitydoesart.tumblr.com/commission Just contact me.

She is in dire need of money and has opened commissions and will draw ANYTHING AT ALL. No matter what it is. Well, except Vore, Scat, Waterworks, etc...

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tsunkiwi/

GO COMMISSION HER!

Okay.. so...

I been trying to write a story just for fun and kicks for some time now. It wasn't a big thing like a webcomic or anything. Just a humble creation of mine that may have been good or bad. Naturally I would have tried to make it good, yes, but whatever it lead its where it lead ya know?

Well it didn't turn out good or bad necessarily but it turned into something I didn't want at all.

I didn't get far in creating this world and the fantasy story set around it. But I was getting off the ground, and it had a lot of the things most fantasy stories had; dragons, demons, elves, even dwarves and mermaids. I was going for a good story.

But then my friends look down on it not so well... Two of them specifically. I wrote out one, I repeat, ONE NUDITY SCENE late in the first act of the story. And long before I drew any porn just cause I felt like it, it was meet with assumption that the story was going to be an erotic one.
That infuriates me. I have no problems with drawing porn, none at all. I would like to draw and write porn, but the problem is that I tried to write a legit story with all that I could muster up with my ability, no matter how it turned out.

Instead my efforts are pushed aside and downgraded to a porno with a plot.

To me, porn is its own flavor of media. Its something everyone watches or looks at, and its an easy way to get attention and just about every artist online does. Everyone and their mother draws or writes porn online. Its a fact of life.
And I wanted to not do that. I wanted to challenge myself in writing something that may have been good on its own for good story telling or characters that people might enjoy if they came across it, and not decide that its a smut story.

It really hurts my feelings an awful lot, and not just because its insulting to me... but also because it is my friends and because I am no different from my friends, or anyone else who publicly.

and thats another thing. My friends tell me I should write for myself, despite their own opinions of my creations. To that, I say no... and this is why. We all post our art or writings for EVERYONE to see despite this, as we are all suppose to do it for ourselves no matter whatever anyone else in the world says.
But if this advice is so good, why not just keep these creations in our heads where it is only viewable to us in your imagination? Why does everyone else HAVE to see something that is done for ourselves? Because we want praise and attention. The only other reason you should expose it to the world is if you are making something to make a living, like a TV show or a book.
Otherwise there is no reason to post things that you do for yourself. If you do something for yourself, then keep it in your head or at least NEVER post it online.

I do the same thing as we all do.

...but even now I remember my ideal. While my two friends hurt me, I'm still their friend no matter the circumstance.
But I'd be lying if I said I wanted to continue trying to write my fantasy story. I'm still pretty hurt by it...

Details here http://akitymh.deviantart.com/journ.....Open-495517014

I'll draw just about anything, except porn. Just contact me and we will do business.

I got my group of friends who do a project called KAS. And its a collaborative fun project we been doing for a few years... its just our ideas of kaiju being thrown in a big melting pot.

But its not always collaborative.

Straight to the point, all I do is seemingly butt heads with people no matter what I do and I get tired of being the element of drama in everything. I try so hard to do things on my own, with others, for myself, to get feedback on art, etc. The point is that I always try hard as I can.
That is not enough, though. I still make my friends angry and ruin their days almost all the time. I even try to go out of my way to be better, or learn about things so that I can be involved.
In the end though, no one seems to want to give me a chance and let me learn. They turn me down or try to point me in another direction.

My sister tells me a lot that everyone gives up on me. She tells me that I don't act right because no one wants to bother teaching me. It seems to be true.
This further tells me that everyone, even my friends, want little to do with me. And like a lot of times before I ask myself: What is wrong with me? I know I said it before, but really, what is wrong with me?

..Ya know about a year ago or so by now... maybe 10 or 11 months? I lost my best friend figure who was like a sister to her. Her name was Alexa... rather, that was her real name. She lied to me about her age and name for many years. She derped around, not giving a shit, and for all I know still does. I got no idea. I don't go around her pages due to the pain of betrayal.
Why do I bring that old wound up after such a long time?
When I decided she was a trouble maker and left, I figured a lot of my problems were other people. Then stuff like this happens and I don't know what to think. Everything seems like shit in the end anyway.
and if things are seemingly shit no matter what, then really, I should have still hung out with Alexa, cause it would have not mattered. I do still miss her a lot anyway...

Times like this I wish I was either dead, never born, or anything at all that just takes me out of the picture. People probably would be happy, then.

Whatever, I guess...

Commissions are open, of course. Information is here http://akitymh.deviantart.com/journ.....open-478157939

Sketches will be $5, flat out. They will look like this. Digital or traditional.

I haven't done a bust shot, but I'll do those too for $5 dollars as well.

Something colored will be anywhere between $10 and $20, depending on what I got to

I will draw just about anything.

I got no where else to vent, since I have very few friends here and stuff.

So... I been working a series called Terra since the start of this year... or was it last year? I can't remember. At this point I guess I don't care because I'm pretty much giving up on the project as a whole. Why?

Well my normal group of friends mistook my series for an erotica... and thats it. I been legitimately trying to make a fantasy story all this time, and all because of ONE nudity scene and one porno picture, everyone pretty much thought I was going for it.

I feel really bad... I dont want to write a erotic story. I have nothing wrong with porn. I wanna draw porn! I probably would love to do it, and be like Slugbox or Jay Naylor... but the thing is that I didn't want to make sex a major thing in the story I was planning out.
It was not my focus or my goal, and since my own group of friends thought otherwise... it is just really upsetting. My feelings are really, really hurt. Sure, I draw porn sometimes and it may pertain to the story... but who doesn't draw porn of their stuff sometimes? Probably plenty, but plenty also do it as well.

I'm not really mad or having a big depression. I'm just really hurt that my efforts are mistaken just for porn.

Its like in The Giant Claw, a 1957 movie about a giant monster bird, staring Jeff Morrow. Jeff Morrow gives a good performance and all that junk, and he thought he was doing a good movie. But as soon as the monster appears, it looks so goofy that everyone who saw the movie began to laugh hysterically. Rumor is he went home and got very drunk.

I feel like Jeff Morrow.

If erotica is what I was going for, I'd be fine. But it wasn't. Sex would be in the story, and may even be a plot point... but not for erotic reasons.
I don't feel like I could talk to anyone about this either. Not without sounding like a whiner. Maybe I am whining, but still... if your attempts made people have the wrong idea or porn, wouldn't you be a little upset too?

And really, people are now afraid to critique my stuff... they have been for a while. That just adds to the pile of things. It all makes me wanna just up and leave even more. I been thinking about it for a while, but I'd miss my friends all the same.
But if I did leave, at least no one could stress over me. So I still think about it.

Eh... oh well. Thats my vent I guess.