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Spoons and Dragons with Justin Nelson
General | Posted 12 years agoWell, Sharknado Weekend was a teeth-chomping success!
I had 43 guests at the house this weekend and although the partying went on well into the wee hours of Sunday morning, everyone had a great time...including the twins, who got a glimpse of the first of many, many bad movies they will be subjected to while growing up in the Wolf household.
And we had a rousing discussion about how much money the sharks demanded to work with Tara Reid. We all know they had higher cast billing over her. And that Ian Ziering.
And my poor eyes would still be bleeding....if not for one little thing.
I am completely fascinated with Justin Nelson's spoons.
For those not in the know, read my last journal. But the basis of this fascination is the other day I learned that my best friend is a collector of souvenir spoons. You know the kind...they sell them at swap meets and tourists traps. All you really do with them is keep them in their original box and display them. You don't eat with them. You don't pass them out at an ice cream social. You look at them.
These are spoons you look at.
Collected by a guy in his mid-twenties.
I'm fascinated.
So, Justin was invited to the Sharknado viewing on the condition that he bring some of his most cherished spoons. And he did not disappoint. Since he usually ends up spending the weekend at my house as a guest (being my best friend and all) I waited until he arrived Friday night before involving my fiancé Nicole in his spoon-collecting passion. So as soon as he walked in the door I demanded to see the spoons. And he delivered with flying colours!
"What the hell are those?" Nicole asked as he removed the treasured spoons from his carrying case.
"I forgot to tell you. Justin collects spoons." I answered.
"Spoons?" she asked. Then when he started laying out the amazing spoons on the table, she burst out laughing. And since our twins were in the room, Savannah Maria saw the spoons and laughed as well...adding to Justin's ball-busting.
"Even my daughter thinks this is lame and she doesn't even know what a spoon is! What a horrible life you have!" I joked.
"Shut up!" he said.
"So what's your favourite spoon?" Nicole asked him, picking up the silver trinkets and shaking her head. Phillip Connor laughed when he said his favourite was a spoon from Yakima, Washington.
"What the hell is a Yakima, Washington spoon?" I asked. He then unwrapped it from a tissue (yes, this spoon was WRAPPED) and presented a spoon that had an engraving of the state of Washington engraved in the concave surface and an apple in the handle.
"That is hilarious!" Nicole said and again the room was filled with laughter. I think even Cheyenne and Shoney were laughing as they looked at the spoons.
"Why do you still have these?" Nicole asked the question we were all dying to know. "You are twenty-six years old. That's not normal. Spoon collecting is what grandmothers do."
"I don't know! I just like spoons! Leave me alone!" came his garbled response.
"How are you ever going to find a girlfriend when you're collecting spoons?" I asked.
"That reminds me...I have a girlfriend coming this weekend that wants to meet you," Nicole said to Justin.
"Oh perfect!" I chimed in. "Which do you think will turn her on more? Your spoons or your fear of dragons?"
Which brings us to the second part of this tale. Justin Nelson is petrified of dragons. I don't know why....I don't think he can explain it to anyone...but for as long as I've known him he's had a fear of dragons. And because I have a dragon statue on my shelf in the living room, he was all in a panic that he would see it and be all freaked out. That's one of many, but the rest are in the den so he won't be tormented by their presence during his stay. But I donj't like moving the one in the living room because it is so heavy and delicate.
So I have a best friend who collects spoons and is literally afraid of anything to do with dragons.
So, in exchange for posting some of his spoons on here, I covered the Dragon with a towel and he was able to watch Sharknado without fear of my dragon coming to life and stealing his soul or whatever.
*shakes his head*
I am just so...like I said...fascinated by my best friend.
No, I take that back. I already know plenty about Justin. The spoons are what fascinate me. I mean...what kind of great memories can a person have with spoons? And when I asked him about what memories he had with the spoons, he just shrugged and said he couldn't remember.
So he keeps his spoons because he has memories of them that he can't remember.
We are so taking these spoons out on the town in Anchorage to the clubs and asking which is cooler....watching My Little Pony or collecting spoons.
I should even post a poll on here. I'm just so curious if anyone else finds this interesting. I can't get past the fact that he buys spoons for the memories and yet can't tell me a thing about the spoons he bought.
It's such crazy conversation around here.
Oh well. He's my best friend and I love him. But I'm riding this spoon thing for all it's worth!
Until next time,
Keep those spoons clean!
~Adrik
I had 43 guests at the house this weekend and although the partying went on well into the wee hours of Sunday morning, everyone had a great time...including the twins, who got a glimpse of the first of many, many bad movies they will be subjected to while growing up in the Wolf household.
And we had a rousing discussion about how much money the sharks demanded to work with Tara Reid. We all know they had higher cast billing over her. And that Ian Ziering.
And my poor eyes would still be bleeding....if not for one little thing.
I am completely fascinated with Justin Nelson's spoons.
For those not in the know, read my last journal. But the basis of this fascination is the other day I learned that my best friend is a collector of souvenir spoons. You know the kind...they sell them at swap meets and tourists traps. All you really do with them is keep them in their original box and display them. You don't eat with them. You don't pass them out at an ice cream social. You look at them.
These are spoons you look at.
Collected by a guy in his mid-twenties.
I'm fascinated.
So, Justin was invited to the Sharknado viewing on the condition that he bring some of his most cherished spoons. And he did not disappoint. Since he usually ends up spending the weekend at my house as a guest (being my best friend and all) I waited until he arrived Friday night before involving my fiancé Nicole in his spoon-collecting passion. So as soon as he walked in the door I demanded to see the spoons. And he delivered with flying colours!
"What the hell are those?" Nicole asked as he removed the treasured spoons from his carrying case.
"I forgot to tell you. Justin collects spoons." I answered.
"Spoons?" she asked. Then when he started laying out the amazing spoons on the table, she burst out laughing. And since our twins were in the room, Savannah Maria saw the spoons and laughed as well...adding to Justin's ball-busting.
"Even my daughter thinks this is lame and she doesn't even know what a spoon is! What a horrible life you have!" I joked.
"Shut up!" he said.
"So what's your favourite spoon?" Nicole asked him, picking up the silver trinkets and shaking her head. Phillip Connor laughed when he said his favourite was a spoon from Yakima, Washington.
"What the hell is a Yakima, Washington spoon?" I asked. He then unwrapped it from a tissue (yes, this spoon was WRAPPED) and presented a spoon that had an engraving of the state of Washington engraved in the concave surface and an apple in the handle.
"That is hilarious!" Nicole said and again the room was filled with laughter. I think even Cheyenne and Shoney were laughing as they looked at the spoons.
"Why do you still have these?" Nicole asked the question we were all dying to know. "You are twenty-six years old. That's not normal. Spoon collecting is what grandmothers do."
"I don't know! I just like spoons! Leave me alone!" came his garbled response.
"How are you ever going to find a girlfriend when you're collecting spoons?" I asked.
"That reminds me...I have a girlfriend coming this weekend that wants to meet you," Nicole said to Justin.
"Oh perfect!" I chimed in. "Which do you think will turn her on more? Your spoons or your fear of dragons?"
Which brings us to the second part of this tale. Justin Nelson is petrified of dragons. I don't know why....I don't think he can explain it to anyone...but for as long as I've known him he's had a fear of dragons. And because I have a dragon statue on my shelf in the living room, he was all in a panic that he would see it and be all freaked out. That's one of many, but the rest are in the den so he won't be tormented by their presence during his stay. But I donj't like moving the one in the living room because it is so heavy and delicate.
So I have a best friend who collects spoons and is literally afraid of anything to do with dragons.
So, in exchange for posting some of his spoons on here, I covered the Dragon with a towel and he was able to watch Sharknado without fear of my dragon coming to life and stealing his soul or whatever.
*shakes his head*
I am just so...like I said...fascinated by my best friend.
No, I take that back. I already know plenty about Justin. The spoons are what fascinate me. I mean...what kind of great memories can a person have with spoons? And when I asked him about what memories he had with the spoons, he just shrugged and said he couldn't remember.
So he keeps his spoons because he has memories of them that he can't remember.
We are so taking these spoons out on the town in Anchorage to the clubs and asking which is cooler....watching My Little Pony or collecting spoons.
I should even post a poll on here. I'm just so curious if anyone else finds this interesting. I can't get past the fact that he buys spoons for the memories and yet can't tell me a thing about the spoons he bought.
It's such crazy conversation around here.
Oh well. He's my best friend and I love him. But I'm riding this spoon thing for all it's worth!
Until next time,
Keep those spoons clean!
~Adrik
Ponynado, Justin Nelson's Spoons and Portugal. The Man
General | Posted 12 years agoYep, you knew it was coming.
I haven't even watched Sharknado yet and already I've spent since I woke up at 3 am today outlining a new MLP-themed story entitled Ponynado!
I should really be working for SyFy with all the cheese that my ideas are made out of!
So the basis of the Ponynado story is that a tornado sweeps through Equestria and sucks up every Pony into it. The tornado then travels to a town in Alaska (which is really a town in Canada since it's so expensive to write a story in Alaska. It's a spoof on films that claim to be shot in Alaska but really take place in Canada because of the expense. Leave me alone, I told you this was in the developing stage!)
Anyhow, the tornado arrives at unnamed (Alaskan) town and Ponies start falling from the sky and attacking furs. Why they attack and maim? I don't know yet. Let me watch Sharknado first and I'll parody a storyline from there. It'll probably be something silly like scrambled brains or loss of cutie marks or something.
Anyways, in steps our hero, Zap Rowsdower, who if you are a fan of MST3K, you know exactly where this character is coming from, and with the help of a young annoying male Pony who is somehow unaffected by the Ponynado and his mythical Chainsaw of Justice, he goes on a rampage to fight the Pony invasion, find a decently-priced case of beer, and hopefully get his parts he needs to fix his broken down truck.
They'll be other storylines developing as I start this weekend, but I needed to get the idea out there before I forgot. This will just be added to the writing heap I'll be dumping on you all shortly.
On another note, I discovered today that my best friend Justin Nelson apparently enjoys collecting souvenir spoons.
This came about because he returned from a trip to California today and since we work together, I happened to stumble upon him looking at a silver object he had taken from his work satchel.
"What's that?" I asked him, meaning to invite him to this weekend's Sharknado party as well. I can't believe it, but the guest list is pushing 40 people! I'm gonna have to buy some meat and cheese trays!
"It's nothing!" he quickly jumped and hid the object from my sight. But it was too late. I had already seen it.
"Is that a spoon?" I asked. "Why are you hiding it?"
He pulled it back into view and showed me it. It was one of those collector spoons you buy at like Cracker Barrel or rest stops when you cross into a new state. It had 'Knotts Berry Farm' on the handle and a $4.99 price tag.
"Oh my God. Is this one of those collector spoons?" I asked him, laughing.
"Yes. And don't laugh. It's for my collection."
"Your collection?" I asked. More laughter.
"Yes. I collect spoons."
"Why was I never told of this?"
"Because you would laugh!"
"Of course I would laugh! What guy in his mid-twenties collects spoons! That's like the hobby of housewives and dollmakers!"
"it's just something I've always done." He wrapped the spoon back up and it was out of sight quickly.
"I need to see the others." I said with a straight face.
"no," he replied.
"You have to bring them to Sharknado this weekend. I must see these spoons."
"Why?"
"Because I want to take pictures of them and post them on FurAffinity under the title "Spooning With Justin"
"You're very weird, you know that?" he told me.
"Right. This from a guy who collects spoons...."
So, you may have a new feature from me this weekend entitled 'Spooning With Justin Nelson" if everything goes according to my master plan. And it will. Because I know my friend. ANd he wants to show off his collection of spoons as much as I want to photograph and post it.
More on his 'hobby' later...
And today's final topic is some really good music I heard at the beginning of the week and think you should all go listen too. I heard this band first on the Jam_ON channel or The Loft on Sirius...I can't remember which one, and the song was stuck in my head all day! So I wrote down the title, did a little iTunes searching when I got home, and for $8.00 in sweet Palpal transfer, I had my first Portugal. The Man CD.
And I'll tell you what. It's pretty damn good. I love my music and true, most of my experience has been in the 1920's-1990's era, mainly whatever vinyl I discover while crate digging, but I do venture into the 2000's and up when I hear something good on Sirius or Pandora or Live365. And since this band sounds so much like Foster The People and Fleet Foxes, bands which I adore, I fell in love with the tracks and hell, for 8 bucks you can't go wrong.
The CD is called 'Evil Friends' and I'm not sure how much Top 40 airplay it gets on regular radio since I only listen to Satellite or internet, but I've only heard it on the Indie and Unsigned channels thus far. It was just released at the end of May as well, so maybe it hasn't gotten out there yet.
But here a re a couple of tracks you should listen too and then decide for yourself. Me, I'm a fan. It's good music and that's hard to find today.
>
Portugal. The Man- Purple, Yellow, Red & Blue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5x_YoweEg8
Portugal. The Man- Evil Friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zpBbrXLxP4
Portugal. The Man- Creep In A T-Shirt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPuQRLP5YvA
The last one is Adrik's Crate Digger Radio Song of the month as of last night. And if you want to give your ears a real treat, the entire album can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgJpZYqupas
And one last thing...I am still working on getting my internet radio station up and going. It's a lot of work, but once Crate Diggers Radio is up and running, I hope to not to disappoint you guys!
Okay, that's all for me for now! I've got to fly to Barrow!
Until next time,
~Adrik
I haven't even watched Sharknado yet and already I've spent since I woke up at 3 am today outlining a new MLP-themed story entitled Ponynado!
I should really be working for SyFy with all the cheese that my ideas are made out of!
So the basis of the Ponynado story is that a tornado sweeps through Equestria and sucks up every Pony into it. The tornado then travels to a town in Alaska (which is really a town in Canada since it's so expensive to write a story in Alaska. It's a spoof on films that claim to be shot in Alaska but really take place in Canada because of the expense. Leave me alone, I told you this was in the developing stage!)
Anyhow, the tornado arrives at unnamed (Alaskan) town and Ponies start falling from the sky and attacking furs. Why they attack and maim? I don't know yet. Let me watch Sharknado first and I'll parody a storyline from there. It'll probably be something silly like scrambled brains or loss of cutie marks or something.
Anyways, in steps our hero, Zap Rowsdower, who if you are a fan of MST3K, you know exactly where this character is coming from, and with the help of a young annoying male Pony who is somehow unaffected by the Ponynado and his mythical Chainsaw of Justice, he goes on a rampage to fight the Pony invasion, find a decently-priced case of beer, and hopefully get his parts he needs to fix his broken down truck.
They'll be other storylines developing as I start this weekend, but I needed to get the idea out there before I forgot. This will just be added to the writing heap I'll be dumping on you all shortly.
On another note, I discovered today that my best friend Justin Nelson apparently enjoys collecting souvenir spoons.
This came about because he returned from a trip to California today and since we work together, I happened to stumble upon him looking at a silver object he had taken from his work satchel.
"What's that?" I asked him, meaning to invite him to this weekend's Sharknado party as well. I can't believe it, but the guest list is pushing 40 people! I'm gonna have to buy some meat and cheese trays!
"It's nothing!" he quickly jumped and hid the object from my sight. But it was too late. I had already seen it.
"Is that a spoon?" I asked. "Why are you hiding it?"
He pulled it back into view and showed me it. It was one of those collector spoons you buy at like Cracker Barrel or rest stops when you cross into a new state. It had 'Knotts Berry Farm' on the handle and a $4.99 price tag.
"Oh my God. Is this one of those collector spoons?" I asked him, laughing.
"Yes. And don't laugh. It's for my collection."
"Your collection?" I asked. More laughter.
"Yes. I collect spoons."
"Why was I never told of this?"
"Because you would laugh!"
"Of course I would laugh! What guy in his mid-twenties collects spoons! That's like the hobby of housewives and dollmakers!"
"it's just something I've always done." He wrapped the spoon back up and it was out of sight quickly.
"I need to see the others." I said with a straight face.
"no," he replied.
"You have to bring them to Sharknado this weekend. I must see these spoons."
"Why?"
"Because I want to take pictures of them and post them on FurAffinity under the title "Spooning With Justin"
"You're very weird, you know that?" he told me.
"Right. This from a guy who collects spoons...."
So, you may have a new feature from me this weekend entitled 'Spooning With Justin Nelson" if everything goes according to my master plan. And it will. Because I know my friend. ANd he wants to show off his collection of spoons as much as I want to photograph and post it.
More on his 'hobby' later...
And today's final topic is some really good music I heard at the beginning of the week and think you should all go listen too. I heard this band first on the Jam_ON channel or The Loft on Sirius...I can't remember which one, and the song was stuck in my head all day! So I wrote down the title, did a little iTunes searching when I got home, and for $8.00 in sweet Palpal transfer, I had my first Portugal. The Man CD.
And I'll tell you what. It's pretty damn good. I love my music and true, most of my experience has been in the 1920's-1990's era, mainly whatever vinyl I discover while crate digging, but I do venture into the 2000's and up when I hear something good on Sirius or Pandora or Live365. And since this band sounds so much like Foster The People and Fleet Foxes, bands which I adore, I fell in love with the tracks and hell, for 8 bucks you can't go wrong.
The CD is called 'Evil Friends' and I'm not sure how much Top 40 airplay it gets on regular radio since I only listen to Satellite or internet, but I've only heard it on the Indie and Unsigned channels thus far. It was just released at the end of May as well, so maybe it hasn't gotten out there yet.
But here a re a couple of tracks you should listen too and then decide for yourself. Me, I'm a fan. It's good music and that's hard to find today.
>
Portugal. The Man- Purple, Yellow, Red & Blue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5x_YoweEg8
Portugal. The Man- Evil Friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zpBbrXLxP4
Portugal. The Man- Creep In A T-Shirt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPuQRLP5YvA
The last one is Adrik's Crate Digger Radio Song of the month as of last night. And if you want to give your ears a real treat, the entire album can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgJpZYqupas
And one last thing...I am still working on getting my internet radio station up and going. It's a lot of work, but once Crate Diggers Radio is up and running, I hope to not to disappoint you guys!
Okay, that's all for me for now! I've got to fly to Barrow!
Until next time,
~Adrik
'Sharknado' Party This Weekend At This Wolf's House!!!
General | Posted 12 years agoThat's right my Golden Flakes Of Joy and Happiness...It is official. My DVR has been set to record the greatest piece of cinema to grace my satellite television so far in 2013.
And since I will be working most of the week non-stop (Gotta make up for that month vacation) I must reserve my viewing pleasure trove to this Saturday, where I can rest peacefully in front of my LG HDTV and press the 'LIST' button on my DVR and settle back to watch the glory that is certainly the film noir of SyFy Original Pictures.
And yes I know film noir is generally used to describe classic crime dramas from the 30's, 40's and 50's...but this is SHARKNADO we are talking about!
It's got Sharks! And Tornados! And Chain Saws! And that annoying Tara Reid who will be relevant again for as long as Sharknado is passed around the Twitter links like so much bratwurst at a German Heritage Festival in Germantown, Pennsylvania!
So, why am I taking a few minutes out of my busy flight day to post a lone journal about Sharknado?
Because I've decided to open up the doors to Castle De Wolfe and invite anyone who may be in the Glennallen area to bring a bowl of lobster pudding or some jelly bean and pickle sandwiches and stop in for a good old fashioned Mystery Science Theatre 3000 style riffing of this celluloid gem.
But you have to make your reservations now! I've already got 16 people on the guest list and the thought of that many people milling about my house and being close to me is sending my neurosis into overdrive!
But hey, I'll just down a bottle of wine, get a quick nipple massage from my personal pleasure coach and be in tip top shape for Sharknado's grand viewing and all the excitement and laughs that are sure to come with it!
And I'll also be bouncing on and off here with updates as time permits, seeing how life is completely upside down for me because SOMEONE had to go out and have CHILDREN! SHEESH!
All right, until next time...
Keep those sharks close and your chainsaws closer!
~Adrik
And since I will be working most of the week non-stop (Gotta make up for that month vacation) I must reserve my viewing pleasure trove to this Saturday, where I can rest peacefully in front of my LG HDTV and press the 'LIST' button on my DVR and settle back to watch the glory that is certainly the film noir of SyFy Original Pictures.
And yes I know film noir is generally used to describe classic crime dramas from the 30's, 40's and 50's...but this is SHARKNADO we are talking about!
It's got Sharks! And Tornados! And Chain Saws! And that annoying Tara Reid who will be relevant again for as long as Sharknado is passed around the Twitter links like so much bratwurst at a German Heritage Festival in Germantown, Pennsylvania!
So, why am I taking a few minutes out of my busy flight day to post a lone journal about Sharknado?
Because I've decided to open up the doors to Castle De Wolfe and invite anyone who may be in the Glennallen area to bring a bowl of lobster pudding or some jelly bean and pickle sandwiches and stop in for a good old fashioned Mystery Science Theatre 3000 style riffing of this celluloid gem.
But you have to make your reservations now! I've already got 16 people on the guest list and the thought of that many people milling about my house and being close to me is sending my neurosis into overdrive!
But hey, I'll just down a bottle of wine, get a quick nipple massage from my personal pleasure coach and be in tip top shape for Sharknado's grand viewing and all the excitement and laughs that are sure to come with it!
And I'll also be bouncing on and off here with updates as time permits, seeing how life is completely upside down for me because SOMEONE had to go out and have CHILDREN! SHEESH!
All right, until next time...
Keep those sharks close and your chainsaws closer!
~Adrik
You May Call Back The Search Team...This Wolf Is Still Alive
General | Posted 12 years agoAnd my hair is still beautiful.
I know everyone was going to be extremely concerned about the condition of my hair, but let me cast to worries to rest. A daily routine of lathering and conditioning as well as visitation with the appropriate scissors and/or electric razors have left my hair bright, beautiful and bouncy.
And I also became a father. Which seemed like it took FOREVER.
Yes, that's correct. Adrik R. Wolf, who at this very moment is 28 years, 5 months, 22 days, 4 hours and 26 minutes old is finally able to squeeze a few minutes out of my day to report to all of you on here what has been going on since February.
And time is something I seem to have less and less of the past few months. Between working extremely long periods (there were times where I was out all week long) to just trying to get everything ready and organized for the big day, it seems I had no time for anything. Sleep included.
But the big day finally arrived. 23/May/2013 Nicole and I happily welcomed into the beautiful Alaskan tundra two little ones who's immediate goal was to rob the two of us of any sleep and peace of mind whatsoever.
Now I will admit, since getting the affirmation that we were to be graced with twins I began to prepare mental and financially for the big day. And if anyone who has newborns (or even a pet for that matter) can tell you, it is expensive taking caring of one newly arrived youngster. I got lucky and had everything doubled for me.
Double the clothing. Double the toys. Double the baby furniture. Even got one of those cool side-by-side strollers that don't fit through any doors and virtually guarantee my exclusion from the world's priceless antique and fine china glassware shoppes.
Oh, and 4 times the car seat/carrier thingies. A pair for the Rover and a pair for Nicole's Subaru. Yeah, she managed to get a new car out of this whole deal! One of those Subaru all-wheel-drive wagon things!
"Oh it's for the babies," she kept reassuring me but I know a girl that has her eye on the sexy lines of a station wagon when I see one. You know she's thinking about how hot she looks when she pulls into the parking lot at Safeway. But without my beautiful hair and well-manicured fingernails completing the picture of Subaru superiority, its just another plain old station wagon. Plus my eyes help out a lot as well. If above all else, you should remember my eyes are really great.
I don't even think they call them station wagons anymore. I think the correct term is 'cross-over vehicle'. ohhh...sooooo fancy.
All I know is that know she can haul around our huge family (4 furries, 6 dogs, a ferret and a rabbit) just as easily as I can in the Rover. So let her do all that loading and unloading for a change. Such a circus.
Okay, so where was I? Oh...right. Ranting and raving about how everything I put on my Discover card was double what I planned on way back nine months ago. And that doesn't even include all the weird food items I had to buy for the love of my life Nicole the past few months. I never thought I would see her eat a calzone in my life...but low and behold...one night at 11 o'clock I was in the kitchen putting the ingredients together and pre-heating the oven. (One thing I can always count on...she wouldn't eat a speck of processed food. :XD
As for me, I have been reduced to drinking juice and eating fruits and soups. Call it nerves. Call it weariness. Call it afraid to buy anything because I want to make sure that all the expenses for the twins are paid for first. Which is why I have been taking as much work as I could. I wasn't able to get online much at all because I was either working or sleeping to go back to work some more.
But the good thing is the people at Discover got their money, I have no credit card debt, and the twins have a beautiful room they get to share until they are old enough to drive me up the wall screaming that they can't stand each other and need separate rooms.
But by then I plan to be living in Tasmania selling rocks with faces painted on them and operating a travelling Tasmanian Devil circus complete with a magician and a kangaroo that will let me shoot him out of a cannon. But no clowns. Clowns are very scary. I will not abandon my family just to live in Tasmania with a bunch of clowns.
But to the important thing: I was combing my hair this morning because the twins woke me up promptly at 3:30 am (like clockwork they are...and no, not just one can wake up...BOTH must wake up at the same time. It's a very unique connection they share and it will probably only get creepier as they get older) But Nicole was exhausted, and seeing as I maybe got a full ten minutes more sleep then her, I let her stay asleep and I looked after the two while feeding them and telling them stories about my heroic hair and the mighty adventures it had taken me on.
I was finishing up my tale of how when I was in Peru back in '09 and I saved that tribe from the volcano by letting them make netting out of my Locks of Life, I realized with a bit of relief that they had fallen back asleep. At the same time. Again, creepy.
Well I was in a pickle...cause the second I laid them down, they would be right awake again, crying and needing love and attention from me like I was related to them in some way. I mean it's just amazing how babies will just latch on to any stranger who gives them a bottle and smiles at them and changes their diapers. The way I look at it, that sort of friendliness will bring top dollar and I will have a high bargaining chip when those buyers come over from Russia next week.
It's a pretty short trip across the Bering Strait there, so the transportation costs are very minimal which means more profit for me. XD
I'm just kidding. I couldn't sell Savannah Maria and Phillip Connor to the Russians. Not when the Chinese are willing to offer so much more plus a free iPad 3 or 4 or whatever model is out now.
And yes, you beat it out of me. We named our two eating machines Savannah Maria Wolf and Phillip Connor Wolf. I was going to name one of them after me, Adrik, but I thought that my name is so unique that the two of them would need to battle to the death for both their father's name-right and his love!
Plus, these names were a lot easier to write on the birth certificates than the names I originally wanted to name them:
Ittoqqortoormiit Nuuk for my girl and Utsussuatsiaat Qeqqata for my little guy. Nicole kinda won that argument...so I used them to name a couple of my Greenland dogs in my kennel over at Furry Paws.
Can't let good names go to waste!
So, anyhow, back to this morning...with Savannah Maria and Phillip Connor asleep again in my arms, I managed to make it over to the couch and watch about a half-hour of Balto before falling asleep. And of course as soon as I fell asleep, those two decided it was time to get up and needed to make sure that they wouldn't be watching Balto alone. So I talked to them, played with them, fed them again, then changed them....which is the worst part of this whole ordeal in my eyes, then walked them around talking to them until they fell back asleep. By this time Balto was almost over but luckily I have that feature that lets you rewind live tv so I started it over and watched it through while they slept.
And that is how the morning has gone so far. Just like every morning since they came home. So I can't say for certain how my appearances on here are going to be. Once things get a little more settled and routine, I plan to try and get on with writings and tidbits and journals a little more. Maybe some baby pictures as well. You can watch these two grow with me. At least until I pass out from lack of sleep. Which has not happened yet.
It's going on about nine o'clock here now...and Nicole is still sound asleep, which is good. The twins, Savannah Maria being 16 days, 5 hours and 34 minutes old and Philip Connor being 16 days, 5 hours and 36 minutes old, are currently on their twentieth or thirtieth nap of the morning, so that's why I'm taking some time to post a few things on here and let everyone how I am doing. As always, I have missed talking with you all and I have a few funny little stories and some pics of the twins I will post on here as well as try to reply to your comments and work until I myself fall asleep.
It's a good thing I took a few weeks off of work to get adjusted to this new lifestyle...because it is double the work and experience I expected it to be.
But what can I say...I'm going to do anything and everything for those two little ones. Right now they are everything my life is about.
Right after my hair. And eyes. And pert nipples.
Sorry, I get worried when the conversation steers away from being about me too long :XD
Until next time, get some sleep for me!
~Adrik
I know everyone was going to be extremely concerned about the condition of my hair, but let me cast to worries to rest. A daily routine of lathering and conditioning as well as visitation with the appropriate scissors and/or electric razors have left my hair bright, beautiful and bouncy.
And I also became a father. Which seemed like it took FOREVER.
Yes, that's correct. Adrik R. Wolf, who at this very moment is 28 years, 5 months, 22 days, 4 hours and 26 minutes old is finally able to squeeze a few minutes out of my day to report to all of you on here what has been going on since February.
And time is something I seem to have less and less of the past few months. Between working extremely long periods (there were times where I was out all week long) to just trying to get everything ready and organized for the big day, it seems I had no time for anything. Sleep included.
But the big day finally arrived. 23/May/2013 Nicole and I happily welcomed into the beautiful Alaskan tundra two little ones who's immediate goal was to rob the two of us of any sleep and peace of mind whatsoever.
Now I will admit, since getting the affirmation that we were to be graced with twins I began to prepare mental and financially for the big day. And if anyone who has newborns (or even a pet for that matter) can tell you, it is expensive taking caring of one newly arrived youngster. I got lucky and had everything doubled for me.
Double the clothing. Double the toys. Double the baby furniture. Even got one of those cool side-by-side strollers that don't fit through any doors and virtually guarantee my exclusion from the world's priceless antique and fine china glassware shoppes.
Oh, and 4 times the car seat/carrier thingies. A pair for the Rover and a pair for Nicole's Subaru. Yeah, she managed to get a new car out of this whole deal! One of those Subaru all-wheel-drive wagon things!
"Oh it's for the babies," she kept reassuring me but I know a girl that has her eye on the sexy lines of a station wagon when I see one. You know she's thinking about how hot she looks when she pulls into the parking lot at Safeway. But without my beautiful hair and well-manicured fingernails completing the picture of Subaru superiority, its just another plain old station wagon. Plus my eyes help out a lot as well. If above all else, you should remember my eyes are really great.
I don't even think they call them station wagons anymore. I think the correct term is 'cross-over vehicle'. ohhh...sooooo fancy.
All I know is that know she can haul around our huge family (4 furries, 6 dogs, a ferret and a rabbit) just as easily as I can in the Rover. So let her do all that loading and unloading for a change. Such a circus.
Okay, so where was I? Oh...right. Ranting and raving about how everything I put on my Discover card was double what I planned on way back nine months ago. And that doesn't even include all the weird food items I had to buy for the love of my life Nicole the past few months. I never thought I would see her eat a calzone in my life...but low and behold...one night at 11 o'clock I was in the kitchen putting the ingredients together and pre-heating the oven. (One thing I can always count on...she wouldn't eat a speck of processed food. :XD
As for me, I have been reduced to drinking juice and eating fruits and soups. Call it nerves. Call it weariness. Call it afraid to buy anything because I want to make sure that all the expenses for the twins are paid for first. Which is why I have been taking as much work as I could. I wasn't able to get online much at all because I was either working or sleeping to go back to work some more.
But the good thing is the people at Discover got their money, I have no credit card debt, and the twins have a beautiful room they get to share until they are old enough to drive me up the wall screaming that they can't stand each other and need separate rooms.
But by then I plan to be living in Tasmania selling rocks with faces painted on them and operating a travelling Tasmanian Devil circus complete with a magician and a kangaroo that will let me shoot him out of a cannon. But no clowns. Clowns are very scary. I will not abandon my family just to live in Tasmania with a bunch of clowns.
But to the important thing: I was combing my hair this morning because the twins woke me up promptly at 3:30 am (like clockwork they are...and no, not just one can wake up...BOTH must wake up at the same time. It's a very unique connection they share and it will probably only get creepier as they get older) But Nicole was exhausted, and seeing as I maybe got a full ten minutes more sleep then her, I let her stay asleep and I looked after the two while feeding them and telling them stories about my heroic hair and the mighty adventures it had taken me on.
I was finishing up my tale of how when I was in Peru back in '09 and I saved that tribe from the volcano by letting them make netting out of my Locks of Life, I realized with a bit of relief that they had fallen back asleep. At the same time. Again, creepy.
Well I was in a pickle...cause the second I laid them down, they would be right awake again, crying and needing love and attention from me like I was related to them in some way. I mean it's just amazing how babies will just latch on to any stranger who gives them a bottle and smiles at them and changes their diapers. The way I look at it, that sort of friendliness will bring top dollar and I will have a high bargaining chip when those buyers come over from Russia next week.
It's a pretty short trip across the Bering Strait there, so the transportation costs are very minimal which means more profit for me. XD
I'm just kidding. I couldn't sell Savannah Maria and Phillip Connor to the Russians. Not when the Chinese are willing to offer so much more plus a free iPad 3 or 4 or whatever model is out now.
And yes, you beat it out of me. We named our two eating machines Savannah Maria Wolf and Phillip Connor Wolf. I was going to name one of them after me, Adrik, but I thought that my name is so unique that the two of them would need to battle to the death for both their father's name-right and his love!
Plus, these names were a lot easier to write on the birth certificates than the names I originally wanted to name them:
Ittoqqortoormiit Nuuk for my girl and Utsussuatsiaat Qeqqata for my little guy. Nicole kinda won that argument...so I used them to name a couple of my Greenland dogs in my kennel over at Furry Paws.
Can't let good names go to waste!
So, anyhow, back to this morning...with Savannah Maria and Phillip Connor asleep again in my arms, I managed to make it over to the couch and watch about a half-hour of Balto before falling asleep. And of course as soon as I fell asleep, those two decided it was time to get up and needed to make sure that they wouldn't be watching Balto alone. So I talked to them, played with them, fed them again, then changed them....which is the worst part of this whole ordeal in my eyes, then walked them around talking to them until they fell back asleep. By this time Balto was almost over but luckily I have that feature that lets you rewind live tv so I started it over and watched it through while they slept.
And that is how the morning has gone so far. Just like every morning since they came home. So I can't say for certain how my appearances on here are going to be. Once things get a little more settled and routine, I plan to try and get on with writings and tidbits and journals a little more. Maybe some baby pictures as well. You can watch these two grow with me. At least until I pass out from lack of sleep. Which has not happened yet.
It's going on about nine o'clock here now...and Nicole is still sound asleep, which is good. The twins, Savannah Maria being 16 days, 5 hours and 34 minutes old and Philip Connor being 16 days, 5 hours and 36 minutes old, are currently on their twentieth or thirtieth nap of the morning, so that's why I'm taking some time to post a few things on here and let everyone how I am doing. As always, I have missed talking with you all and I have a few funny little stories and some pics of the twins I will post on here as well as try to reply to your comments and work until I myself fall asleep.
It's a good thing I took a few weeks off of work to get adjusted to this new lifestyle...because it is double the work and experience I expected it to be.
But what can I say...I'm going to do anything and everything for those two little ones. Right now they are everything my life is about.
Right after my hair. And eyes. And pert nipples.
Sorry, I get worried when the conversation steers away from being about me too long :XD
Until next time, get some sleep for me!
~Adrik
Yay! It's Officially Twins! *Throws Hooves Around Wackily*
General | Posted 13 years agoYes. The confirmation came today while Nicole was over at Cross Road Medical Centre. You know the one, it has the sled dog team tied up out front.
So she was just super enthused. As was I, seeing as how yet again when i go to do something, I do it right! Perfect, just like me. *waits for round of agreeing applause*
Alright, I'm not perfect. Thank God. I can't have you all coming around trying to touch me and ask me for things like Granny Smith apples and to borrow my 'World of Gumball' DVD collection. But it does open up the door that Nicole and I were curious about: What happens now. Now we are blessed with two little carpet crawlers. Which means double the expense. Double the messes. And double the battling for my love.
Oh yes, there will be battles for my love. Vicious, brutal battles to the death between my kin, each trying to upstage one another for their father's affection. Only one can come out victorious. The other gets sold to India to work at the Apple call centre.
This also means that in ten ears or so I'll lose my den yet again. Damn buying a three-bedroom place! I wanted to stick the twins down in the basement, but Nicole's all like "We don't have a basement!" And I'm like: "That's not important right now."
So lots of new worries and concerns to be ladened with. This whole fatherhood/family thing better be worth it.
To help ease my concerns, I've taken to watching episode after episode of Animaniacs. Oh God how I loved this show! It really helps me unwind after a day of real life issues!
Moving on to other great life news: It's been two months since I started my kennel over at Furry-Paws.com and I am kicking major tail on it! For those of you who don't know, Furry Paws is like Sim City or The Sims, but with dogs. You buy dogs and raise and train them, feed them, play with them, and enter them in competitions to make money and expand your kennel. It's actual very entertaining and I lose an hour of my day in it, building my kennel up to be the best it can! I've been there two months and already I got 100 dogs, got the Veternarian Career going, a half-million bucks in the bank, an Elite account, and a reputation for rescuing neglected and forgotten dogs and turning them into champions! (Perfect, just like me) It's a lot of fun and I'll recommend it to anyone that has some time to kill and wants to check it out, try their paw at running a kennel. If you come over, look me up! I love having friends! :XD
And there's another big project I have in mind that i want to get up and going before I settle down into fatherhood. I've already mastered making babies and raising dogs, so now I want to tackle the world of internet radio.
That's right, I want to start up an internet radio station. I have so much music that I have gathered and the opportunity to have my own station and play what I want to play is very intriguing. I'm thinking definitely something that is not mainstream; playing music that is forgotten and almost never heard anywhere. B-sides, rare covers, lost favourites. I think i would be really good at it. But I have to read the terms and contracts and see if I can make money at doing it. Even give it a whirl for six months or a year and see if I like it.
Which begs this question: If I were to start up a radio station online, what would you, my faithful friends, demand that i play to get you to listen? Be honest. Right now I have no set genre, in fact i kinda want it to be like a college radio station and just play anything that sounds good. I have a good idea which direction I want to go in, but the input of others is always welcome. So if you have a moment or two, let me know! I'm open to ideas! :XD
Well, taht about does it for this week's life updates. Always something going on up here at Wolf Manor. And it looks like it's going to just keep getting more and more hectic.
I hope to be online this weekend and catch up on stories and the such...so drop me a line! For now I'm off to watch more Animaniacs!
*runs off to living room singing Animaniacs theme song*
"It's time for Animaniacs...and we're zany to the max! So just sit back and relax, you'll laugh til you collapse! We're Animaniacs!
Until next time,
~Adrik
So she was just super enthused. As was I, seeing as how yet again when i go to do something, I do it right! Perfect, just like me. *waits for round of agreeing applause*
Alright, I'm not perfect. Thank God. I can't have you all coming around trying to touch me and ask me for things like Granny Smith apples and to borrow my 'World of Gumball' DVD collection. But it does open up the door that Nicole and I were curious about: What happens now. Now we are blessed with two little carpet crawlers. Which means double the expense. Double the messes. And double the battling for my love.
Oh yes, there will be battles for my love. Vicious, brutal battles to the death between my kin, each trying to upstage one another for their father's affection. Only one can come out victorious. The other gets sold to India to work at the Apple call centre.
This also means that in ten ears or so I'll lose my den yet again. Damn buying a three-bedroom place! I wanted to stick the twins down in the basement, but Nicole's all like "We don't have a basement!" And I'm like: "That's not important right now."
So lots of new worries and concerns to be ladened with. This whole fatherhood/family thing better be worth it.
To help ease my concerns, I've taken to watching episode after episode of Animaniacs. Oh God how I loved this show! It really helps me unwind after a day of real life issues!
Moving on to other great life news: It's been two months since I started my kennel over at Furry-Paws.com and I am kicking major tail on it! For those of you who don't know, Furry Paws is like Sim City or The Sims, but with dogs. You buy dogs and raise and train them, feed them, play with them, and enter them in competitions to make money and expand your kennel. It's actual very entertaining and I lose an hour of my day in it, building my kennel up to be the best it can! I've been there two months and already I got 100 dogs, got the Veternarian Career going, a half-million bucks in the bank, an Elite account, and a reputation for rescuing neglected and forgotten dogs and turning them into champions! (Perfect, just like me) It's a lot of fun and I'll recommend it to anyone that has some time to kill and wants to check it out, try their paw at running a kennel. If you come over, look me up! I love having friends! :XD
And there's another big project I have in mind that i want to get up and going before I settle down into fatherhood. I've already mastered making babies and raising dogs, so now I want to tackle the world of internet radio.
That's right, I want to start up an internet radio station. I have so much music that I have gathered and the opportunity to have my own station and play what I want to play is very intriguing. I'm thinking definitely something that is not mainstream; playing music that is forgotten and almost never heard anywhere. B-sides, rare covers, lost favourites. I think i would be really good at it. But I have to read the terms and contracts and see if I can make money at doing it. Even give it a whirl for six months or a year and see if I like it.
Which begs this question: If I were to start up a radio station online, what would you, my faithful friends, demand that i play to get you to listen? Be honest. Right now I have no set genre, in fact i kinda want it to be like a college radio station and just play anything that sounds good. I have a good idea which direction I want to go in, but the input of others is always welcome. So if you have a moment or two, let me know! I'm open to ideas! :XD
Well, taht about does it for this week's life updates. Always something going on up here at Wolf Manor. And it looks like it's going to just keep getting more and more hectic.
I hope to be online this weekend and catch up on stories and the such...so drop me a line! For now I'm off to watch more Animaniacs!
*runs off to living room singing Animaniacs theme song*
"It's time for Animaniacs...and we're zany to the max! So just sit back and relax, you'll laugh til you collapse! We're Animaniacs!
Until next time,
~Adrik
The Most Awesome, Intelligently Answered Age Meme Ever!!!
General | Posted 13 years agoNo, not really. Sorry to lure you in under such false pretenses, but with headlines like that, I gotta get all the traffic in here I can!
First off...as I have been moping about since yesterday, I did just turn 28 on the 17th of January. Yay me. I'm very surprised at the lack of birthday gifts I received from NONE of you! I was hoping for some little trinket or maybe a Phil Collins record for my years of providing you with the bestest warped humour on the planet. But alas, such gifts were not bestowed upon me.
Whic is okay. It will only suit to remind me of the fact that yes...I am approaching my 30's at a rapid pace. Soon I won't be able to handle the hits of acid like I could when I was ten years younger.
Oh, those were the times. Cruising across the great expansive of the continental United States in a Range Rover with my trusty Siberian Husky at my side, the Doors blasting through the speakers, my Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt crisp and ready to take on the world...enough contacts for pot and PCP to fill an address book. Good times.
But time marches on like a river and in doing so, I tredged the river for this week's meme. It's an age thing where you tell furries who could give a damn less what age you did things. So, I'm going to add the Adrik twist and make it more enjoyable!
For this Meme, all answers will be in the form of a sales advertisement for a 1987 Peugeot 505 Turbo.
Enjoy!
At What Age Did You...
Lose your virginity? Even if you're a person who's not easily excitable, the Peugeot 505 Turbo S is enough to start your heart racing.
Lost someone close to you? To say its performance is stimulating is an understatement.
Dyed your hair? Its muscular 150 horsepower engine can rocket you from 0 to 60 in a mere 8.1 seconds.
Flew on an airplane? And an intergrated intercooler, combined with an ultra-responsive, water-cooled turbine make "turbo-lag" virtually non-existent, giving it what 'Car and Driver' has called "instant launch capabilities".
Consumed alcohol? And to ensure the Turbo S is constantly performing at its peak, a computerised, electronic engine management system continously adjusts vital engine functions.
Passed out from drinking? For 1987 we turbocharged our standard gas-fueled 2.2 litre, OHC inline-four with a smaller turbo with a water-cooled bearing and an air-to air intercooler.
Got a tattoo? Coimbined with our 5-speed gearbox, the 505 Turbo S will rocket you down the freeway at an impressive 150 hp and an even more heart-racing fuel economy of 18/mpg city 22/mpg highway.
Received a kiss? But straight excitement isn't all the Turbo S provides.
Became a furry? The crisp, folded lines of the 505 sedan are bulged out to give it a more menacing, powerful stance.
Went to the hospital? A zero-offset front suspension system (so advanced it has yet to be adopted by most of out competitors) gives the Turbo S astonishingly crisp handling characteristics.
Had a broken heart? Combined with Peugeot's precise electronically controlled, variable-assist power steering, it makes for more assured fast cornering and high speed manoeuvering.
Lost a pet? But as swiftly as the Turbo S can move you, it can stop you.
Got arrested? Because it's equipped with a computerised ABS braking system that automatically 'pumps' the brakes to give you the ability to steer (and thus regain control) during hard braking.
Broke a bone? Just knowing it's there can make you feel very relaxed.
Got a job? Even with an accelerated pulse rate.
Got a boyfriend or girlfriend? The 505 Turbo S offers you a 5 year/50000 mile powertrain limited warranty and argubly the best roadside assistance plan available, AAA.
Went to a concert? So why not call 1-800-447-2882 for the name of the closest Peugeot dealer nearest you, and arrange for a test drive in the 505 Turbo S?
Met someone famous? Provided of course, your heart is strong enough to take it.
Got in a car wreck? Peugeot 505: Nothing else feels like it.
This Memo was answered by a 1987 Peugeot 505 Turbo S sales brochure, who's column "Age Meme: How Old Were You When You..." appears on over 15,000 websites worldwide.
Hope you enjoyed this week's meme! I'm off to drown my own age of sorrows with a bottle of Yukon Jack.
Until next time:
~Adrik
First off...as I have been moping about since yesterday, I did just turn 28 on the 17th of January. Yay me. I'm very surprised at the lack of birthday gifts I received from NONE of you! I was hoping for some little trinket or maybe a Phil Collins record for my years of providing you with the bestest warped humour on the planet. But alas, such gifts were not bestowed upon me.
Whic is okay. It will only suit to remind me of the fact that yes...I am approaching my 30's at a rapid pace. Soon I won't be able to handle the hits of acid like I could when I was ten years younger.
Oh, those were the times. Cruising across the great expansive of the continental United States in a Range Rover with my trusty Siberian Husky at my side, the Doors blasting through the speakers, my Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt crisp and ready to take on the world...enough contacts for pot and PCP to fill an address book. Good times.
But time marches on like a river and in doing so, I tredged the river for this week's meme. It's an age thing where you tell furries who could give a damn less what age you did things. So, I'm going to add the Adrik twist and make it more enjoyable!
For this Meme, all answers will be in the form of a sales advertisement for a 1987 Peugeot 505 Turbo.
Enjoy!
At What Age Did You...
Lose your virginity? Even if you're a person who's not easily excitable, the Peugeot 505 Turbo S is enough to start your heart racing.
Lost someone close to you? To say its performance is stimulating is an understatement.
Dyed your hair? Its muscular 150 horsepower engine can rocket you from 0 to 60 in a mere 8.1 seconds.
Flew on an airplane? And an intergrated intercooler, combined with an ultra-responsive, water-cooled turbine make "turbo-lag" virtually non-existent, giving it what 'Car and Driver' has called "instant launch capabilities".
Consumed alcohol? And to ensure the Turbo S is constantly performing at its peak, a computerised, electronic engine management system continously adjusts vital engine functions.
Passed out from drinking? For 1987 we turbocharged our standard gas-fueled 2.2 litre, OHC inline-four with a smaller turbo with a water-cooled bearing and an air-to air intercooler.
Got a tattoo? Coimbined with our 5-speed gearbox, the 505 Turbo S will rocket you down the freeway at an impressive 150 hp and an even more heart-racing fuel economy of 18/mpg city 22/mpg highway.
Received a kiss? But straight excitement isn't all the Turbo S provides.
Became a furry? The crisp, folded lines of the 505 sedan are bulged out to give it a more menacing, powerful stance.
Went to the hospital? A zero-offset front suspension system (so advanced it has yet to be adopted by most of out competitors) gives the Turbo S astonishingly crisp handling characteristics.
Had a broken heart? Combined with Peugeot's precise electronically controlled, variable-assist power steering, it makes for more assured fast cornering and high speed manoeuvering.
Lost a pet? But as swiftly as the Turbo S can move you, it can stop you.
Got arrested? Because it's equipped with a computerised ABS braking system that automatically 'pumps' the brakes to give you the ability to steer (and thus regain control) during hard braking.
Broke a bone? Just knowing it's there can make you feel very relaxed.
Got a job? Even with an accelerated pulse rate.
Got a boyfriend or girlfriend? The 505 Turbo S offers you a 5 year/50000 mile powertrain limited warranty and argubly the best roadside assistance plan available, AAA.
Went to a concert? So why not call 1-800-447-2882 for the name of the closest Peugeot dealer nearest you, and arrange for a test drive in the 505 Turbo S?
Met someone famous? Provided of course, your heart is strong enough to take it.
Got in a car wreck? Peugeot 505: Nothing else feels like it.
This Memo was answered by a 1987 Peugeot 505 Turbo S sales brochure, who's column "Age Meme: How Old Were You When You..." appears on over 15,000 websites worldwide.
Hope you enjoyed this week's meme! I'm off to drown my own age of sorrows with a bottle of Yukon Jack.
Until next time:
~Adrik
Free Christmas Tree Inside This Journal!!!!!
General | Posted 13 years agoThat's right Organ Sacks! (Sorry....I saw that in 
's Christmas journal and now it is stuck on my mind) It is Christmas time again and your ol' pal Adrik is here to spread the Christmas joy around the only way he knows how!
By being as twisted and warped with the world's bestest holiday as I can!
Perhaps I'll offer up a list of the Least Festive Christmas Songs of 2012:
#01- 'Christmas Sucks'
#02- 'All I Want For Christmas Is A Donation In My Name'
#03- 'Santa Claus Is Fake and Everyone Dies Eventually'
#04- 'They Haven't Had Enough Liquor To Know It's Christmas'
#05- 'Santa's Tears Fall From The North Pole (Depressed Elves)'
and coming in at #06- 'Welche Leiden Hat Angegriffen Diesen Kindern' (What Ill Has Assailed These Children)
Wow. Those were some really un-festive Christmas songs. I have no idea why Taylor Swift released them on her Christmas album. Obviously, Disney has no shame.
But onwards to brighter, greater, jollier things! Perhaps you are looking for a last-minute gift for that very special someone in your life? Well no worries! Your favourite furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew is here to help by offering you his top recommendations for Christmas Let's see that list!
For the music lover in your life, Adrik recommends Beats By Blé. Engineered to the strict specifications of Canadian jazz-pop crooner Michael Bublé, these high-quality studio headphones provide exceptional clarity and tonal fidelity. Enjoy the audio precision demanded by the star of NBC’s 'Michael Bublé: Home for the Holidays' with the very same headphones worn by the adult contemporary master himself. Your favourite big band-pop renditions of timeless standards and Christmas classics never sounded so Blé-zing!
For the sports fan on your list, Adrik offers you this piece of baseball history: An Authentic Piece Of Porcelain From Yankee Stadium Urinal. Yes, own a part of Bronx Bombers history with an authentic chunk of a urinal pissed on by thousands of New York Yankees fans! Suitable for a shelf, desk, or display case. A must have for the sports fanatic/piss freak on your Christmas list!
Does that very special someone on your list love Pinecones? What about Teeth? Both you say? Well no need to worry. The fine folks at The Sharper Image have you covered with this year's must have item! Festive Bag of Teeth and Pinecones features the right amount of both teeth and pinecones mixed together in a sturdy 16-ounce burlap sack tied with a red ribbon. Great for school projects, arts and crafts, or just pour into a clear glass disply bowl for a truely unique centrepiece!
For the busy parents of newborns, Apple is proud to unveil it's new iPad Onesie! Give your infant the attention she desires while sending out emails, keeping up with your favourite websites, and reading the latest bestsellers with this combination tablet computer and one-piece baby bodysuit. Your child will enjoy the gentle swipes and taps that outwardly seem to convey interest and maternal care while you enjoy the crystal clarity of Apple’s breathtaking Retina display! Dual-core processor; spit-up-proof, and long-life lithium-ion batteries are some of the many features!
Are you the kind of asshole who can't get enough Crate & Barrel? If so, the right present to liven up your home this holiday season is right here! From Pier 1 Imports comes the Ceramic Family Soup Bowl! Enjoy stews, bisques, chowders, and chilis with the entire family around this six-foot-wide, four-foot-deep ceramic soup bowl. You can start your mornings off right by sharing a communal bowl of cereal with all your loved ones or bond over late-night popcorn or ice cream—the possibilities are endless with this handsome eight-person tabletop bowl!
Got an aunt you never see and hate buying gifts for? Bath and Body Works has the answer with their line of Handcrafted Soaps Your Aunt Will Fucking Shit Herself Over. One look at these artisan-crafted, small-batch soaps and your aunt is guaranteed to shit all fucking over herself. She’ll completely drench her drawers in her own fecal matter when you mention that each bar features fragrant lavender and chamomile essential oils. Available individually or in bowel-clearing sets of six.
Got a world traveller in your family? Then Presto-Log's Flames Of The World is what they we be gleeful for this Christmas! Collected by the world's top team of flame gathers, we bring you eight of the world’s signature flames with this collector's set of handcrafted fires made from a variety of flammable materials from around the globe. Includes Zimbabwe thatch hut, old-growth forest, jagged wreckage, Appalachian tinder, residential, chemical plant, Tokyo five-alarm, and sagebrush.
For the person who has everything, the Tourism Board of Iowa is pleased to announce for 2012: Your Face on the Side of a Grain Silo. For only $615 dollars you can get your face out there where it belongs! On the side of a grain silo in one of Iowa's many, many farm spreads! Now you can be the person that someone in Ames, Iowa can wake up to every morning when it's time to go milk the cows!
And finally, our friends over at the NRA would like to offer up this gift for the Christmas season: Assault Rifle with Rounds. Look at it. Just look at how its barrel glints in the light. Imagine its cold trigger clenched with your finger. Imagine the freedom it could give you—the freedom you’ve been craving for so long. Could it solve all your problems?
Well there you go, Organ Sacks. I've done my part by making 2012 a little more jolly and bright! You know you can always count on your friend Adrik to bring you the latest trends and bestest gifts to make your Christmas season the best it can ever be!
Now if you'll excuse me...I have a wine cellar full of bottles and a bag of Christmas cocaine that need my undivided attention! I will return as soon as they poull me out of my impending coma!
Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year everypony and everyfur!
~Adrik
's Christmas journal and now it is stuck on my mind) It is Christmas time again and your ol' pal Adrik is here to spread the Christmas joy around the only way he knows how!By being as twisted and warped with the world's bestest holiday as I can!
Perhaps I'll offer up a list of the Least Festive Christmas Songs of 2012:
#01- 'Christmas Sucks'
#02- 'All I Want For Christmas Is A Donation In My Name'
#03- 'Santa Claus Is Fake and Everyone Dies Eventually'
#04- 'They Haven't Had Enough Liquor To Know It's Christmas'
#05- 'Santa's Tears Fall From The North Pole (Depressed Elves)'
and coming in at #06- 'Welche Leiden Hat Angegriffen Diesen Kindern' (What Ill Has Assailed These Children)
Wow. Those were some really un-festive Christmas songs. I have no idea why Taylor Swift released them on her Christmas album. Obviously, Disney has no shame.
But onwards to brighter, greater, jollier things! Perhaps you are looking for a last-minute gift for that very special someone in your life? Well no worries! Your favourite furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew is here to help by offering you his top recommendations for Christmas Let's see that list!
For the music lover in your life, Adrik recommends Beats By Blé. Engineered to the strict specifications of Canadian jazz-pop crooner Michael Bublé, these high-quality studio headphones provide exceptional clarity and tonal fidelity. Enjoy the audio precision demanded by the star of NBC’s 'Michael Bublé: Home for the Holidays' with the very same headphones worn by the adult contemporary master himself. Your favourite big band-pop renditions of timeless standards and Christmas classics never sounded so Blé-zing!
For the sports fan on your list, Adrik offers you this piece of baseball history: An Authentic Piece Of Porcelain From Yankee Stadium Urinal. Yes, own a part of Bronx Bombers history with an authentic chunk of a urinal pissed on by thousands of New York Yankees fans! Suitable for a shelf, desk, or display case. A must have for the sports fanatic/piss freak on your Christmas list!
Does that very special someone on your list love Pinecones? What about Teeth? Both you say? Well no need to worry. The fine folks at The Sharper Image have you covered with this year's must have item! Festive Bag of Teeth and Pinecones features the right amount of both teeth and pinecones mixed together in a sturdy 16-ounce burlap sack tied with a red ribbon. Great for school projects, arts and crafts, or just pour into a clear glass disply bowl for a truely unique centrepiece!
For the busy parents of newborns, Apple is proud to unveil it's new iPad Onesie! Give your infant the attention she desires while sending out emails, keeping up with your favourite websites, and reading the latest bestsellers with this combination tablet computer and one-piece baby bodysuit. Your child will enjoy the gentle swipes and taps that outwardly seem to convey interest and maternal care while you enjoy the crystal clarity of Apple’s breathtaking Retina display! Dual-core processor; spit-up-proof, and long-life lithium-ion batteries are some of the many features!
Are you the kind of asshole who can't get enough Crate & Barrel? If so, the right present to liven up your home this holiday season is right here! From Pier 1 Imports comes the Ceramic Family Soup Bowl! Enjoy stews, bisques, chowders, and chilis with the entire family around this six-foot-wide, four-foot-deep ceramic soup bowl. You can start your mornings off right by sharing a communal bowl of cereal with all your loved ones or bond over late-night popcorn or ice cream—the possibilities are endless with this handsome eight-person tabletop bowl!
Got an aunt you never see and hate buying gifts for? Bath and Body Works has the answer with their line of Handcrafted Soaps Your Aunt Will Fucking Shit Herself Over. One look at these artisan-crafted, small-batch soaps and your aunt is guaranteed to shit all fucking over herself. She’ll completely drench her drawers in her own fecal matter when you mention that each bar features fragrant lavender and chamomile essential oils. Available individually or in bowel-clearing sets of six.
Got a world traveller in your family? Then Presto-Log's Flames Of The World is what they we be gleeful for this Christmas! Collected by the world's top team of flame gathers, we bring you eight of the world’s signature flames with this collector's set of handcrafted fires made from a variety of flammable materials from around the globe. Includes Zimbabwe thatch hut, old-growth forest, jagged wreckage, Appalachian tinder, residential, chemical plant, Tokyo five-alarm, and sagebrush.
For the person who has everything, the Tourism Board of Iowa is pleased to announce for 2012: Your Face on the Side of a Grain Silo. For only $615 dollars you can get your face out there where it belongs! On the side of a grain silo in one of Iowa's many, many farm spreads! Now you can be the person that someone in Ames, Iowa can wake up to every morning when it's time to go milk the cows!
And finally, our friends over at the NRA would like to offer up this gift for the Christmas season: Assault Rifle with Rounds. Look at it. Just look at how its barrel glints in the light. Imagine its cold trigger clenched with your finger. Imagine the freedom it could give you—the freedom you’ve been craving for so long. Could it solve all your problems?
Well there you go, Organ Sacks. I've done my part by making 2012 a little more jolly and bright! You know you can always count on your friend Adrik to bring you the latest trends and bestest gifts to make your Christmas season the best it can ever be!
Now if you'll excuse me...I have a wine cellar full of bottles and a bag of Christmas cocaine that need my undivided attention! I will return as soon as they poull me out of my impending coma!
Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year everypony and everyfur!
~Adrik
What's On Adrik's Cookie Plate?
General | Posted 13 years agoWell, the 12 days of Christmas are soon upon us...(well not really, that doesn't happen til 25 December) but since we are all suppose to meet our fiery fates in the hellfire of damnation on the 21st according to the Mayans, I decided that I should start this little Christmas time game a little earlier.
A game you may ask. I was not aware that Adrik played any sort of fun games.
Well it's true. As shocking as it may be...I am inviting you all to play a cheerful Christmas game with yours truely, the world's furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew.
It's a very simple game. Because Christmas is soon upon us, I have taken the Wolf family Cookie Plate out of the dungeon where it is stored with all my other artefacts of evil and doom and put in exactly in the middle of the dining room table for Santa's arrival. On top of a very cute and decorative doily with these little red clusters of mistletoe and pointsettas ringing the perimeter. Very festive.
Okay, back to the game. The object is very simple. Because I have no idea what to put on said cookie plate, I am leaving it up to you to pick what goes on the plate each night. So, what follows is a list of 12 nights that I will put something on my cookie plate. Your job is to choose the ONE item from the list each night that you think I, Adrik Wolf, would have on my cookie plate. It's pretty much a game to see if any of you out there either really know me or can have as warped a mind as I do.
So, simply put...read each list and choose A, B, C or D to go on the cookie plate. Remember to think like I would. What would Adrik put on his cookie plate?
I want to see perfect scores, people! I will be giving out prizes for the fur with the most correct answers! And what might these prizes be? Could be a dream nude photo shoot with yours truely! It could be a case of assorted varieties of Rice A Roni, The San Francisco treat! It could even be a new car! (okay, it would be a 1980 Fiat Ritmo found at a salvage yard for $50. But it would be new to you!)
So now that you know the rules and are salivating over that list of amazing prizes....let the game begin!
On the 1st day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Bag of Ore-Ida tater tots
B.) a walrus tusk
C.) that flute he found during that acid trip to Wonderland
D.) the answer is obvious! Cookies!
On the 2nd day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A copy of Stephen King's 'The Dark Half'
B.) Better-tasting tea bags that make a richer, smoother cup of tea
C.) Four dozen plastic shower caps he pilfered from Holiday Inn housekeeping cart back in July
D.) It's cookies!
On the 3rd day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His passport, social security card, birth certificate, drivers and pilot's license, and several other vital documents he inexplicably carries around the house with him.
B.) A pair of acid-wash jeans the maid has been eyeing up
C.) A full two-litre bottle of Diet Chocolate Soda
D.) How can it not be cookies? It's a cookie plate goddamn it!
On the 4th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) That one cool magic trick only people with double-jointed thumbs can do
B.) His favourite Derpy Hooves poster
C.) A DVD copy of 'Airplane II The Sequel'
D.) If it's not cookies, I'm going to shoot myself.
On the 5th Day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A picture of you. Because he admires you so fondly.
B.) 5 years of senatorial experience representing the great state of Nebraska. Yay Nebraska!
C.) A perfectly cooked sausage to contribute to the celebratory fest of Christmas
D.) I'm pretty sure it's cookies. Nothing else thus far has made sense.
On the 6th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His collection of county fair blue-ribbon winning earthen jugs
B.) Outdated Traveller's Guide to Norway dated 1984
C.) Haunted television remote
D.) I bet it's Oreos. They're America's favourite cookie!
On the 7th Day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His Fraggle Rock pajamas
B.) The liner notes from Harry Chapin's 1980 record 'Sequel'
C.) His best friend's second-place trophies
D.) Maybe Fig Newtons? They're considered a cookie right?
On the 8th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A pair of special socks that he feels too bad about just throwing away
B.) His 2003 first place certificate in 'Thailand's Sexiest Tourist' Competition
C.) A glass of Mad Dog 20/20 paired with another glass of Mad Dog 20/20
D.) Why on earth would you have a cookie plate and not put cookies on it? Who is this guy?
On the 9th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.)A bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and a McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish sandwich. No cheese.
B.) KFC bucket filled with rainbows and PopTarts
C.) Large garbage bag filled with Siberian Husky fur that he swept off the living room carpet. Again!
D.) I'm gonna try again? Maybe some E.L. Fudge cookies?
On the 10th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Muffler bracket for a '67 Volkswagen Beetle
B.) a copy of some story he started in 2008 and never finished
C.) A bag of Jew Gold stolen from around Richard Lewis' neck
D.) Help me out here! I want to say cookies...but maybe it's yogurt?
On the 11th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) $85 worth of Whole Foods hummus
B.) Stack of vintage 'Penthouse' magazines he was planning on handing out as Christmas gifts at the nunnery.
C.) Anything except meat. You can't leave meat out in the open air. It will rot.
D.) I give up. If it's not cookies, then what the hell could it be? Frickin' his underwear? I don't know. I'm done with this stupid game!
On the 12th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Ticket stub to 'The Hobbitt'
B.) A black and white poster entitled 'Shirtless Hunk Cradling Puppy'
C.) Pencil holder he made back in the 4th grade
D.) Just messing with you! All the answers are cookies! What else would you use a cookie plate for? Sheesh!
Alrighty kids! That's the test! Did you think like me? Do you think you have the answers it takes to win that Fiat full of Rice A Roni? Enter your answers in a reply and I will pick the winner next weekend!
One of you is going to be a very happy fur on Christmas Day!
Until next time,
~Adrik
A game you may ask. I was not aware that Adrik played any sort of fun games.
Well it's true. As shocking as it may be...I am inviting you all to play a cheerful Christmas game with yours truely, the world's furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew.
It's a very simple game. Because Christmas is soon upon us, I have taken the Wolf family Cookie Plate out of the dungeon where it is stored with all my other artefacts of evil and doom and put in exactly in the middle of the dining room table for Santa's arrival. On top of a very cute and decorative doily with these little red clusters of mistletoe and pointsettas ringing the perimeter. Very festive.
Okay, back to the game. The object is very simple. Because I have no idea what to put on said cookie plate, I am leaving it up to you to pick what goes on the plate each night. So, what follows is a list of 12 nights that I will put something on my cookie plate. Your job is to choose the ONE item from the list each night that you think I, Adrik Wolf, would have on my cookie plate. It's pretty much a game to see if any of you out there either really know me or can have as warped a mind as I do.
So, simply put...read each list and choose A, B, C or D to go on the cookie plate. Remember to think like I would. What would Adrik put on his cookie plate?
I want to see perfect scores, people! I will be giving out prizes for the fur with the most correct answers! And what might these prizes be? Could be a dream nude photo shoot with yours truely! It could be a case of assorted varieties of Rice A Roni, The San Francisco treat! It could even be a new car! (okay, it would be a 1980 Fiat Ritmo found at a salvage yard for $50. But it would be new to you!)
So now that you know the rules and are salivating over that list of amazing prizes....let the game begin!
On the 1st day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Bag of Ore-Ida tater tots
B.) a walrus tusk
C.) that flute he found during that acid trip to Wonderland
D.) the answer is obvious! Cookies!
On the 2nd day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A copy of Stephen King's 'The Dark Half'
B.) Better-tasting tea bags that make a richer, smoother cup of tea
C.) Four dozen plastic shower caps he pilfered from Holiday Inn housekeeping cart back in July
D.) It's cookies!
On the 3rd day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His passport, social security card, birth certificate, drivers and pilot's license, and several other vital documents he inexplicably carries around the house with him.
B.) A pair of acid-wash jeans the maid has been eyeing up
C.) A full two-litre bottle of Diet Chocolate Soda
D.) How can it not be cookies? It's a cookie plate goddamn it!
On the 4th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) That one cool magic trick only people with double-jointed thumbs can do
B.) His favourite Derpy Hooves poster
C.) A DVD copy of 'Airplane II The Sequel'
D.) If it's not cookies, I'm going to shoot myself.
On the 5th Day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A picture of you. Because he admires you so fondly.
B.) 5 years of senatorial experience representing the great state of Nebraska. Yay Nebraska!
C.) A perfectly cooked sausage to contribute to the celebratory fest of Christmas
D.) I'm pretty sure it's cookies. Nothing else thus far has made sense.
On the 6th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His collection of county fair blue-ribbon winning earthen jugs
B.) Outdated Traveller's Guide to Norway dated 1984
C.) Haunted television remote
D.) I bet it's Oreos. They're America's favourite cookie!
On the 7th Day of Christmas, what will Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) His Fraggle Rock pajamas
B.) The liner notes from Harry Chapin's 1980 record 'Sequel'
C.) His best friend's second-place trophies
D.) Maybe Fig Newtons? They're considered a cookie right?
On the 8th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) A pair of special socks that he feels too bad about just throwing away
B.) His 2003 first place certificate in 'Thailand's Sexiest Tourist' Competition
C.) A glass of Mad Dog 20/20 paired with another glass of Mad Dog 20/20
D.) Why on earth would you have a cookie plate and not put cookies on it? Who is this guy?
On the 9th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.)A bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and a McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish sandwich. No cheese.
B.) KFC bucket filled with rainbows and PopTarts
C.) Large garbage bag filled with Siberian Husky fur that he swept off the living room carpet. Again!
D.) I'm gonna try again? Maybe some E.L. Fudge cookies?
On the 10th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Muffler bracket for a '67 Volkswagen Beetle
B.) a copy of some story he started in 2008 and never finished
C.) A bag of Jew Gold stolen from around Richard Lewis' neck
D.) Help me out here! I want to say cookies...but maybe it's yogurt?
On the 11th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) $85 worth of Whole Foods hummus
B.) Stack of vintage 'Penthouse' magazines he was planning on handing out as Christmas gifts at the nunnery.
C.) Anything except meat. You can't leave meat out in the open air. It will rot.
D.) I give up. If it's not cookies, then what the hell could it be? Frickin' his underwear? I don't know. I'm done with this stupid game!
On the 12th day of Christmas, what did Adrik put on his cookie plate?
A.) Ticket stub to 'The Hobbitt'
B.) A black and white poster entitled 'Shirtless Hunk Cradling Puppy'
C.) Pencil holder he made back in the 4th grade
D.) Just messing with you! All the answers are cookies! What else would you use a cookie plate for? Sheesh!
Alrighty kids! That's the test! Did you think like me? Do you think you have the answers it takes to win that Fiat full of Rice A Roni? Enter your answers in a reply and I will pick the winner next weekend!
One of you is going to be a very happy fur on Christmas Day!
Until next time,
~Adrik
And Now Another Meme Journal That I Miss The Point Of!
General | Posted 13 years agoYes, it's about 7:30 on a Sunday night, got some time before 'The Walking Dead' and 'The Amazing Race' come on, so let's have some laughs with another journal that starts off with innocent, everyday questions and I completely twist and warp around because I am that sort of furry!
Today's challenge: Answer an extremely easy, pointless meme as if you were an elderly black woman living in 1950's Alabama as depicted by a Sophmore-year college student at the University of Alaska-Fairbanks, taking a creative writing course.
Let the magic begin!
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
Her hands were cracked. They were large and massive, too immense for her short Southern frame.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
They were knurled and gnarled with age, arthritis, and ancient scars—cotton husks, leather whips, and briar patches had all left their mark on those swollen hands.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
A world of memories flowed through these veins, spread across her fingers like a chokecherry tree.
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Those hands had seen a lot of things.
Last restaurant you went to?
“Oh, these calloused, calloused hands,” she told me as she rocked back and forth on the porch, the smell of sweet peach tea hanging in the air.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
“Sweet thing, fetch me my chamomile lotion.”
Did you have an exciting weekend?
I told Mrs. Jessups it was time to go, that we’d be late.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
“Never you mind, chile,” she’d say. “Never you mind.”
What do you spend most of your money on?
She moved slow like molasses, syrupy but determined.
Where were you at 1AM sunday morning?
Knowing how much it hurt to move those brittle bones, it broke our hearts.
Ever kissed someone over 20?
“Lawd, how a body do get tired,” the old woman said, her voice frail, yet proud.
Is there a secret you've never told your parents?
“And heav’ns if you young things don’t know what is’ like to sweat! Ah reckon I’m’a soak clean through my bonnet today.”
Do you like yourself?
Sunday was Market Day, which meant Mrs. Jessups would go down to the corner and sell her famous shoofly pies, a family recipe passed down from her old Grandma Toots.
Have you ever dyed your hair?
Later that morning she would put on her old flowered sundress and crisp white gloves and head out to church, her face a vision of pride. “Time to hear the preachin’ man preach.”
Are you wearing a necklace?
“Lawdy, girl, if you not in ya church dress in 15 minutes I’ll be gettin’ the switch on yeh!
Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
Ag’nes! Ag’nes! You bring the lil’ miss her bonnet now. Lawd in heav’n, if this my chile I slap her upside the head!”
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
My sister was only four, but she knew better than to cross Mrs. Jessups or she’d get a real Southern scare like she used to give her son Rhemus.
Are you an emotional person?
Far as we knew, Rhemus was still over in county jail for Lord knows what.
What's something that can always make you feel better?
Mrs. Jessups didn't talk about him much.
Did your parents spoil you as a child?
“Good lawd in heav’n chile, you march yer toot right up that stair n’ fetch me my Bible gloves."
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
"Mercy, mercy, mercy! Sweet Jesus, Mary, ’n’ Joseph, this chile gon’ be the death ah me!”
How's your heart lately?
Once a day she’d walk on down the hallway, look at pictures from the past.
Will this weekend be a good one?
The late Mr. Jessups, Rhemus, Grandma Toots; their smiles permeated the room, erased the suffering for a few treasured moments.
What do you want right now?
A hot, proud tear rolled down the old woman’s wrinkled cheeks.
Who can always cheer you up?
“The Devil’s dust gon’ git ’n mah eyes,” she’d say. “Les’ go back to the kitch’n, sweet things.”
Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public?
After church was when we got to eat the leftover buckwheat cakes
Who hugged you last?
She called it stickin’ food, “’cause it stick to yer ribs.”
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Our Mama knew she spoiled us, but she didn’t mind.
Are you a kissable person?
After all, Mrs. Jessups had brought five of us Calhoun kids into this world and Lord knows she’d probably bring five more.
Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
“Lawd have mercy, you never heard babies so loud as those Calhoun chillen!” she said as she cooked up sweet potatoes on the stove.
What is your relationship status?
“Minute ma’ girl Cecile op’n her mouth, house shakin’ like thund’r storm. I swear that girl gon’ be tall as green beans.” And at that she gave me a wink.
Who was the last person to come to your house?
That winter, Mrs. Jessups came down with the consumption and a touch of yellow fever.
Look behind you, what do you see?
“Nothin’ a little rest and a plate a hot grits can’t fix,” she said with a smile.
How many rooms does your house have?
Mrs. Jessups, she was a fighter, but deep down, though, we knew she was not long for this world.
What would you name your future daughter?
She clasped my hand in her hers; still cracked, still massive, still proud, veiny, and strong.
Who and where was the last concert you went to?
How many babies had these hands brought into the world?
Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
How many times had she put her palm out to silence a bigoted sheriff, to pound a dry crust of buckwheat, to shield a child’s eyes from a lashing?
What do you think of love?
The old woman loosened her grip. I would never know.
When is the last time you went to a party?
You've just been a part of the short story, 'The Hard Life of Mrs. D’Lulah Jessups', as written and portrayed by Brenden Whittmore, a sophmore student in the Creative Writing Course at the University of Fairbanks, Alaska.
Wow. What an incredibly pointless waste of time. You've learned nothing about me except that i am for whatever reason, practicing to write for a character that is an elderly black woman living in Alabama in the 1950's. So that's something. It's always good to expand your character portfolio. You never know who'll I be next!
Until next time,
~Adrik
Today's challenge: Answer an extremely easy, pointless meme as if you were an elderly black woman living in 1950's Alabama as depicted by a Sophmore-year college student at the University of Alaska-Fairbanks, taking a creative writing course.
Let the magic begin!
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
Her hands were cracked. They were large and massive, too immense for her short Southern frame.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
They were knurled and gnarled with age, arthritis, and ancient scars—cotton husks, leather whips, and briar patches had all left their mark on those swollen hands.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
A world of memories flowed through these veins, spread across her fingers like a chokecherry tree.
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Those hands had seen a lot of things.
Last restaurant you went to?
“Oh, these calloused, calloused hands,” she told me as she rocked back and forth on the porch, the smell of sweet peach tea hanging in the air.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
“Sweet thing, fetch me my chamomile lotion.”
Did you have an exciting weekend?
I told Mrs. Jessups it was time to go, that we’d be late.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
“Never you mind, chile,” she’d say. “Never you mind.”
What do you spend most of your money on?
She moved slow like molasses, syrupy but determined.
Where were you at 1AM sunday morning?
Knowing how much it hurt to move those brittle bones, it broke our hearts.
Ever kissed someone over 20?
“Lawd, how a body do get tired,” the old woman said, her voice frail, yet proud.
Is there a secret you've never told your parents?
“And heav’ns if you young things don’t know what is’ like to sweat! Ah reckon I’m’a soak clean through my bonnet today.”
Do you like yourself?
Sunday was Market Day, which meant Mrs. Jessups would go down to the corner and sell her famous shoofly pies, a family recipe passed down from her old Grandma Toots.
Have you ever dyed your hair?
Later that morning she would put on her old flowered sundress and crisp white gloves and head out to church, her face a vision of pride. “Time to hear the preachin’ man preach.”
Are you wearing a necklace?
“Lawdy, girl, if you not in ya church dress in 15 minutes I’ll be gettin’ the switch on yeh!
Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
Ag’nes! Ag’nes! You bring the lil’ miss her bonnet now. Lawd in heav’n, if this my chile I slap her upside the head!”
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
My sister was only four, but she knew better than to cross Mrs. Jessups or she’d get a real Southern scare like she used to give her son Rhemus.
Are you an emotional person?
Far as we knew, Rhemus was still over in county jail for Lord knows what.
What's something that can always make you feel better?
Mrs. Jessups didn't talk about him much.
Did your parents spoil you as a child?
“Good lawd in heav’n chile, you march yer toot right up that stair n’ fetch me my Bible gloves."
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
"Mercy, mercy, mercy! Sweet Jesus, Mary, ’n’ Joseph, this chile gon’ be the death ah me!”
How's your heart lately?
Once a day she’d walk on down the hallway, look at pictures from the past.
Will this weekend be a good one?
The late Mr. Jessups, Rhemus, Grandma Toots; their smiles permeated the room, erased the suffering for a few treasured moments.
What do you want right now?
A hot, proud tear rolled down the old woman’s wrinkled cheeks.
Who can always cheer you up?
“The Devil’s dust gon’ git ’n mah eyes,” she’d say. “Les’ go back to the kitch’n, sweet things.”
Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public?
After church was when we got to eat the leftover buckwheat cakes
Who hugged you last?
She called it stickin’ food, “’cause it stick to yer ribs.”
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Our Mama knew she spoiled us, but she didn’t mind.
Are you a kissable person?
After all, Mrs. Jessups had brought five of us Calhoun kids into this world and Lord knows she’d probably bring five more.
Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
“Lawd have mercy, you never heard babies so loud as those Calhoun chillen!” she said as she cooked up sweet potatoes on the stove.
What is your relationship status?
“Minute ma’ girl Cecile op’n her mouth, house shakin’ like thund’r storm. I swear that girl gon’ be tall as green beans.” And at that she gave me a wink.
Who was the last person to come to your house?
That winter, Mrs. Jessups came down with the consumption and a touch of yellow fever.
Look behind you, what do you see?
“Nothin’ a little rest and a plate a hot grits can’t fix,” she said with a smile.
How many rooms does your house have?
Mrs. Jessups, she was a fighter, but deep down, though, we knew she was not long for this world.
What would you name your future daughter?
She clasped my hand in her hers; still cracked, still massive, still proud, veiny, and strong.
Who and where was the last concert you went to?
How many babies had these hands brought into the world?
Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
How many times had she put her palm out to silence a bigoted sheriff, to pound a dry crust of buckwheat, to shield a child’s eyes from a lashing?
What do you think of love?
The old woman loosened her grip. I would never know.
When is the last time you went to a party?
You've just been a part of the short story, 'The Hard Life of Mrs. D’Lulah Jessups', as written and portrayed by Brenden Whittmore, a sophmore student in the Creative Writing Course at the University of Fairbanks, Alaska.
Wow. What an incredibly pointless waste of time. You've learned nothing about me except that i am for whatever reason, practicing to write for a character that is an elderly black woman living in Alabama in the 1950's. So that's something. It's always good to expand your character portfolio. You never know who'll I be next!
Until next time,
~Adrik
It's Times Like These That I Wish MST3K Was Still Around...
General | Posted 13 years agoAnother journal so quickly? What the hell is going on?
Don't fret my pretty pets. I just wanted to see if everyone had a good Thanksgiving/November 22nd. For those celebrating November 22nd Day, I do hope that you lit a candle to commemerate the 1573 founding of the Brasilian city of Niterói. A very important event indeed.
For us Turkey Day revelers, I hope it went as smoothly for you as it did for us up here. All I can say is that after all the cooking and cleaning, it was nice to break open the wine and settle down for a night of Sega in front of the woodstove.
Yes, during the moving of everything from my former den to remodel it into our new arrival's room (I still have this biting premonition that it's going to be twins...God help me) I uncovered a box containing my old Sega Genesis system.
Well, such a treasure was not overlooked by our friend who joined us this year, especially Alaska's favourite Eskimo swooner Justin Nelson, and it was agreed upon whole-heartedly that it was to be hooked up and a rousing tournament of Sonic The Hedgehog took us into the night.
Well, we made it to bed around three am, after much wine and rediscovering the magic of Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Smooth Criminal never sounds as good as it does on a 16-bit soundcard) but Nicole was up at 6, shaking me awake to remind me that today we were expecting a delivery of baby furniture that I would be lucky enough to put together. I mumbled something and said wake me up in an hour.
I woke up without her aid and discovered her in the living room, watching a movie she had DVR'd a day or so earlier and she smiled and patted the couch cushion next to her, inviting me to sit. One look at the movie on the screen and I could already tell it was trouble. The little logo in the corner proclaimed it to be one of those Lifetime movies and I knew right away I was in for bad acting, bad writing, sappy plotlines, and way too much happiness overload.
I would have made my escape, but my fiance said the words that prevent you from running away or saying anything negative out of threat of castration: "I think you should join me. We need to get use to watching family-friendly things together.) Then the guilt-inducing pat on the stomach.
"But we do, my dear," I answered. "We watch 'The Amazing Race' and 'The Walking Dead' on Sundays and 'Top Gear' on Mondays. That's very wholesome."
"Oh come on! Just watch this movie with me. I didn't complain when you played Sega all night. Do it for meeee." A smile.
I was toast.
Okay, I admit it. I have watched ONE Lifetime movie in my life. One. It was early morning, I couldn't sleep, couldn't break out of a writer's block, and generally didn't feel like doing anything but flipping through the offerings of DirectV. And there was a movie on the Lifetime Network, I can't remember the name, but it was about this single mother and her loser kid driving their rundown Chevy Caprice to a convience store to buy pizza and they get carjacked and have to drive to frickin Maryland or Guam to get this stolen money the carjacker ripped off from some mob boss and then the loser kid escapes on a school bus and the carjacker locks the mom in the boot of the car and sets it on fire. But because this is a Lifetime movie and she's a strong-willed, independent woman who doesn't need a husband, she's able to get out of the trunk before the car of course explodes. Then she walks to a diner and finds out her son is okay and before calling the cops she sees the same carjacker attack another single mother and her loser kid ands steal their car. Then miraculously she grows a set of ovaries, steals some poor guy's Bronco and chases him down. It all ends in a warehouse shootout where she gets the carjacker's stolen money and can buy braces for her loser kid. Or some bullshit like that.
Anyways, it's a safe bet to say that a half-hour into this movie, I was rekindling the magic powers of riffing, taken from everyone's favourite bad-movie mocking series Mystery Science Theatre 3000. It was the only thing that helped me survive. Literally. this movie was just that bad.
Things I learned from that movie:
Okay, so you're a single mother who's broke. Fine. That's based in reality. But why are you driving your 1990 Chevrolet Caprice which gets HORRIBLE gas mileage to a GAS STATION CONVENIENCE STORE to overpay for a Tony's frozen pizza for your dopey son. That makes great fiscal sense.
It takes well over two days and nights to drive from Georgia to Louisiana. On the Interstate.
Police roadblocks are completely useless in capturing bank robbing carjackers. The Trooper on duty will believe anything when a MAN is behind the wheel driving, but will dismiss any nervous or frightened behaviour of a WOMAN with nary a second glance.
The swamps of Louisiana look surprisingly similiar to the San Bernardino Valley
Every single woman in Louisiana is a single mother, completely helpless and vulnerable to any man who approaches, no matter how bad a flannel shirt he is wearing.
You always mistakenly dial 411 instead of 911 when attempting to call for help from a truck stop bathroom. And 411 operators take a good five minutes to answer and then act like you're speaking Lebanese when you try to get them to help you.
Also, you're ex-husband ALWAYS calls right after you tell the carjacker that you don't have a man in your life.
You can launch a Ford Bronco over a parked camping trailer, roll it several times, land on the roof, and still manage to walk and handle a shotgun. This is one of Newton's Laws I'm told. (Also, above was done while NOT wearing a seatbelt)
When you're discovered with a duffel bag full of stolen cash, two dead police officers, and a dead carjacker surrounding you in an abandoned warehouse, you always get to keep the money. No questions asked.
Blowing away said carjacker with a shotgun is legal in Louisiana, seeing as you are a single mother who went through a traumatic experience but found your inner courage and came out stronger in the end to protect your child and prove that you can live your life with out a male influence.
Yeah. That was my one experience with a Lifetime movie. And today was my second. So, seeing as how I was already confined to the torture chamber, I sat down next to my loving future wife.
"Want me to start it from the beginning so you know what's going on?' she asked me sweetly.
"Of course. If I'm going to have my eyeballs seared out of my skull, might as well do it from the beginning."
"Please don't sit here and make wisecracks throughout the movie either. It's really charming and sweet." she asked me.
"No promises," I answered. And it was a good thging I said that.
Cause when you are introduced to a movie entitled 'The Christmas Consultant' starring David Hasselhoff and the always bubbly corpse of former Sabrina: The Teenage Witch cadaver Caroline Rhea, you know riffing is in the cards.
"Oh geez..." I said after the title credits. This was going to be torture.
All I can say at this point...since I am still numb and reeling, is that the riffing was much and very extreme for the short while I watched this film.. And I wish I could find clips of this horrid movie to share with you, but so far none exist. Luckily I did find an episode of 'The Soup' that spends the first five minutes warning you of the dangers of letting David Hasselhoff come near your teenage daughter and your family in general.
Here is the link to watch said madness if you dare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQnnumuytW8&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dthe%2Bsoup%253A%2Bthe%2Bchristmas%2Bconsultant%26oq%3Dthe%2Bsoup%253A%2Bthe%2Bchristmas%2Bconsultant%26gs_l%3Dyoutube.12...13839.16013.0.18006.10.10.0.0.0.1.99.666.10.10.0...0.0...1ac.1.sfsu2DQhgcg&has_verified=1
Luckily for me, I was only about forty-five minutes into the torture when the FedEx Freight truck arrived and I was called away to start unloading and putting together furniture. Thank the KLord for 'Some Assembly Required' bassinets.
I could give you a list of things I learned about this movie...but it's not Halloween. And I like you guys too much to do that to you.
All I can say is I'm glad to see David Hasselhoff can find work.
Until next time,
~Adrik
Don't fret my pretty pets. I just wanted to see if everyone had a good Thanksgiving/November 22nd. For those celebrating November 22nd Day, I do hope that you lit a candle to commemerate the 1573 founding of the Brasilian city of Niterói. A very important event indeed.
For us Turkey Day revelers, I hope it went as smoothly for you as it did for us up here. All I can say is that after all the cooking and cleaning, it was nice to break open the wine and settle down for a night of Sega in front of the woodstove.
Yes, during the moving of everything from my former den to remodel it into our new arrival's room (I still have this biting premonition that it's going to be twins...God help me) I uncovered a box containing my old Sega Genesis system.
Well, such a treasure was not overlooked by our friend who joined us this year, especially Alaska's favourite Eskimo swooner Justin Nelson, and it was agreed upon whole-heartedly that it was to be hooked up and a rousing tournament of Sonic The Hedgehog took us into the night.
Well, we made it to bed around three am, after much wine and rediscovering the magic of Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Smooth Criminal never sounds as good as it does on a 16-bit soundcard) but Nicole was up at 6, shaking me awake to remind me that today we were expecting a delivery of baby furniture that I would be lucky enough to put together. I mumbled something and said wake me up in an hour.
I woke up without her aid and discovered her in the living room, watching a movie she had DVR'd a day or so earlier and she smiled and patted the couch cushion next to her, inviting me to sit. One look at the movie on the screen and I could already tell it was trouble. The little logo in the corner proclaimed it to be one of those Lifetime movies and I knew right away I was in for bad acting, bad writing, sappy plotlines, and way too much happiness overload.
I would have made my escape, but my fiance said the words that prevent you from running away or saying anything negative out of threat of castration: "I think you should join me. We need to get use to watching family-friendly things together.) Then the guilt-inducing pat on the stomach.
"But we do, my dear," I answered. "We watch 'The Amazing Race' and 'The Walking Dead' on Sundays and 'Top Gear' on Mondays. That's very wholesome."
"Oh come on! Just watch this movie with me. I didn't complain when you played Sega all night. Do it for meeee." A smile.
I was toast.
Okay, I admit it. I have watched ONE Lifetime movie in my life. One. It was early morning, I couldn't sleep, couldn't break out of a writer's block, and generally didn't feel like doing anything but flipping through the offerings of DirectV. And there was a movie on the Lifetime Network, I can't remember the name, but it was about this single mother and her loser kid driving their rundown Chevy Caprice to a convience store to buy pizza and they get carjacked and have to drive to frickin Maryland or Guam to get this stolen money the carjacker ripped off from some mob boss and then the loser kid escapes on a school bus and the carjacker locks the mom in the boot of the car and sets it on fire. But because this is a Lifetime movie and she's a strong-willed, independent woman who doesn't need a husband, she's able to get out of the trunk before the car of course explodes. Then she walks to a diner and finds out her son is okay and before calling the cops she sees the same carjacker attack another single mother and her loser kid ands steal their car. Then miraculously she grows a set of ovaries, steals some poor guy's Bronco and chases him down. It all ends in a warehouse shootout where she gets the carjacker's stolen money and can buy braces for her loser kid. Or some bullshit like that.
Anyways, it's a safe bet to say that a half-hour into this movie, I was rekindling the magic powers of riffing, taken from everyone's favourite bad-movie mocking series Mystery Science Theatre 3000. It was the only thing that helped me survive. Literally. this movie was just that bad.
Things I learned from that movie:
Okay, so you're a single mother who's broke. Fine. That's based in reality. But why are you driving your 1990 Chevrolet Caprice which gets HORRIBLE gas mileage to a GAS STATION CONVENIENCE STORE to overpay for a Tony's frozen pizza for your dopey son. That makes great fiscal sense.
It takes well over two days and nights to drive from Georgia to Louisiana. On the Interstate.
Police roadblocks are completely useless in capturing bank robbing carjackers. The Trooper on duty will believe anything when a MAN is behind the wheel driving, but will dismiss any nervous or frightened behaviour of a WOMAN with nary a second glance.
The swamps of Louisiana look surprisingly similiar to the San Bernardino Valley
Every single woman in Louisiana is a single mother, completely helpless and vulnerable to any man who approaches, no matter how bad a flannel shirt he is wearing.
You always mistakenly dial 411 instead of 911 when attempting to call for help from a truck stop bathroom. And 411 operators take a good five minutes to answer and then act like you're speaking Lebanese when you try to get them to help you.
Also, you're ex-husband ALWAYS calls right after you tell the carjacker that you don't have a man in your life.
You can launch a Ford Bronco over a parked camping trailer, roll it several times, land on the roof, and still manage to walk and handle a shotgun. This is one of Newton's Laws I'm told. (Also, above was done while NOT wearing a seatbelt)
When you're discovered with a duffel bag full of stolen cash, two dead police officers, and a dead carjacker surrounding you in an abandoned warehouse, you always get to keep the money. No questions asked.
Blowing away said carjacker with a shotgun is legal in Louisiana, seeing as you are a single mother who went through a traumatic experience but found your inner courage and came out stronger in the end to protect your child and prove that you can live your life with out a male influence.
Yeah. That was my one experience with a Lifetime movie. And today was my second. So, seeing as how I was already confined to the torture chamber, I sat down next to my loving future wife.
"Want me to start it from the beginning so you know what's going on?' she asked me sweetly.
"Of course. If I'm going to have my eyeballs seared out of my skull, might as well do it from the beginning."
"Please don't sit here and make wisecracks throughout the movie either. It's really charming and sweet." she asked me.
"No promises," I answered. And it was a good thging I said that.
Cause when you are introduced to a movie entitled 'The Christmas Consultant' starring David Hasselhoff and the always bubbly corpse of former Sabrina: The Teenage Witch cadaver Caroline Rhea, you know riffing is in the cards.
"Oh geez..." I said after the title credits. This was going to be torture.
All I can say at this point...since I am still numb and reeling, is that the riffing was much and very extreme for the short while I watched this film.. And I wish I could find clips of this horrid movie to share with you, but so far none exist. Luckily I did find an episode of 'The Soup' that spends the first five minutes warning you of the dangers of letting David Hasselhoff come near your teenage daughter and your family in general.
Here is the link to watch said madness if you dare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQnnumuytW8&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dthe%2Bsoup%253A%2Bthe%2Bchristmas%2Bconsultant%26oq%3Dthe%2Bsoup%253A%2Bthe%2Bchristmas%2Bconsultant%26gs_l%3Dyoutube.12...13839.16013.0.18006.10.10.0.0.0.1.99.666.10.10.0...0.0...1ac.1.sfsu2DQhgcg&has_verified=1
Luckily for me, I was only about forty-five minutes into the torture when the FedEx Freight truck arrived and I was called away to start unloading and putting together furniture. Thank the KLord for 'Some Assembly Required' bassinets.
I could give you a list of things I learned about this movie...but it's not Halloween. And I like you guys too much to do that to you.
All I can say is I'm glad to see David Hasselhoff can find work.
Until next time,
~Adrik
This Year Be Thankful For Me...Adrik Wolf!
General | Posted 13 years agoAnd if you can't find it in your cold, cold hearts to be thankful for me, the world's furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew, then at least find a way to be thankful for:
Pride of Carolina Yams
Yes, Pride of Carolina cut sweet potatoes in syrup are the only yams made with RENEWABLE ENERGY! And their all-natural ingredients are sure to hit the sweet spot for all with diets that are low in saturated fat and cholesterol.
MM MMM MMM. Pride of Carolina Yams. On sale now at your friendly neighbourhood grocer!
There, now that I got the obligatory product placement out of the way, (thanks to Bruce Foods Corporation out of New Iberia, Louisiana for the $2,595 cheque) I am proud to finally have a day to get back to my friends here on FA and see what've missed all summer long.
And yes, I know it's odd that I am able to get on here on Thanksgiving Day, but honestly it's the first day I've had free to do so. I didn't even take my usual week-long vacation this year. I did flights right up til last night.
"But Adrik," you might ask, "Why would you, a half-Jew who always wears a velvet pouch full of gold around his neck, have to work to the point of being unavailable since July?"
The answer is surprising simple! I have two huge events coming up in 2013!
The first is...this sweet piece of smoked Alaskan meat is getting married! That's right. In a (probably) drunken rant back in July I ended the night of celebrating the 4th by proposing to the love and light of my life, one Nicole Marie Feile, with all the usual attributes including a diamond engagement ring held by a stuffed penguin in one hand and a three-quarters empty bottle of Bailey's Irish Creme in the other. (I tend to have really weird Fourth of July parties) And although I didn't look serious in my khaki dungarees and black My Little Pony FIM shirt with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie clinking together wooden steins of cidar, (I debated against wearing a Regular Show tee with Mordecai and Rigby running around screaming OOOOOOOO!, but didn't think that was appropriate) my voice and eyes were serious and meaningful.
And to this Wolf's ultimate surprise...she said YES! (YEEEAAAHHH! Marriage on the Rocks! OOOOHHHHH!)
So we set a date for our Alaskan wedding in June of 2013, which means I gotta bust tail to make sure that this will be an event to remember. I only want to get married once, so I may as well live it up, yes? This also means that this sweet meat won't be able to man-whore himself out as much anymore. So, I'm afraid that with today's journal I'm going to have to limit myself to North America, Western Europe, and Australia as viable canididates for anyone out there needing me to stop in for a pleasure-filled romp in my garden of earthly delights.
Sorry Bolivia, I'm afraid South America will have to wait a few years until I can sow some more oats down there. Plus I'm still waiting for that papaya tree I was promised. Bastards.
And the second big event, with I guess came on the heels of the whole marriage proposal, is that I, Adrik R. Wolf, will have to leave the world of silly, zany, off-the wall, avant garde humour and wackiness behind so that I may mature and become an adult.
Because I am also going to be a father! (Insert another Regular Show catchphrase here)
Yes. Also during this summer, Nicole informed me of the news that she was pregnant. "How did that happen?" I asked, knowing full well how reproduction works but curious as to who had been involved.
"Take a guess," she replied.
Well my first thought was Quii-mar, the Indonesian sponser-child we've had chained in the garage since last year, when the whole sponser-child gag kinda fell flat. But I knew it could not have been him, given the chains and such. So it turned out that it was me!
I was responsible for this bringing of new life into the world! A new chapter in life. A realisation that it was time for me to grow up and put the games and childish whims behind me. So i picked up my My Little Pony figurines and my Matchbox cars and my Fisher-Price spinner-top and walked back to my den of dreams and realised what i had to do.
On top of remodelling the once proud den into a new bedroom for said arriving child (I heard it's going to be a girl! whoo-hoo!) I was going to have to bring myself up to the next level of life! It was time to stop creating stories about penguins who rape, missionaries on a quest to gather severed heads for the former frontman of Genesis, tales of magical spatulas and off-the-wall characters running amok in Great Britain, and of quests for magical socks and Raccoons who just want to come in and have a piece of turkey just once.
Yes, responsibility loomed ahead for me, as I looked at the walls covered with pictures of rescued Bunnies, vintage Vincent Price movie posters and that poster of Derpy Hooves hanging from a tree limb and saying 'Hang in There!' It was all time to be packed away and stored for future times when I would open up the lid of the dusty crates and say...Ahh, to be young and insane again.
And then Nicole appeared, wrapped her arms around me, and said..."You know we have a third bedroom right? That can be your new man-cave if you want it to be."
And that's when I realised...I DON'T have to mature! Nuts to being all proper and have great work ethic and be afraid to enjoy things! No need to fear! I promise to be as abstract and off the wall as I've always been! And for those of you that know me, some since 2007 believe it or not, you know that I can be wayyyy out in left field when I want to be.
So no worries! Just because this old soon-to-be-28 year old Wolf...(Really, 28? Damn. Maybe I should depart from the Far Side. (Gary Larson reference, look it up) is soon to be sporting both a wife and child, I'm still going to be the same wonky Alaskan that will come clean your bathtub and sleep with your mother (hopefully in the same day) that I've always been.
And so sorry for being away for the last few months. Remodelling and a hectic work schedule do that to you. I plan on bouncing on and off all day long, as well as all weekend, trying to get back in pace and catch up on the thousands of backloggings that I have. And the good news is I plan to be on throughout most of the winter now...something that I usually am unable to do after Christmas. But we'll see what happens.
So, that's just a quick update from me. It's freezing cold up here in Alaska (wouldn't want it any other way) and I did miss all my friends here on FA during my absence. But no worries. I am back, full of pep and vodka, and will be spreading my Adrik cheer all around for you to bathe in.
For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving, Have a wonderful day, with lots of Spam and spiral macaroni. For those not celebrating, Happy November 22nd. Be sure to remember that back in 498 AD, after the death of Anastasius II, Symmachus is elected Pope in the Lateran Palace, while Laurentius is elected Pope in Santa Maria Maggiore.
If that isn't a reason to celebrate today...I don't know what is.
And no matter what you're doing today...make sure to do it with a fresh can of Pride of Carolina yams.
Until next time,
~Adrik
Pride of Carolina Yams
Yes, Pride of Carolina cut sweet potatoes in syrup are the only yams made with RENEWABLE ENERGY! And their all-natural ingredients are sure to hit the sweet spot for all with diets that are low in saturated fat and cholesterol.
MM MMM MMM. Pride of Carolina Yams. On sale now at your friendly neighbourhood grocer!
There, now that I got the obligatory product placement out of the way, (thanks to Bruce Foods Corporation out of New Iberia, Louisiana for the $2,595 cheque) I am proud to finally have a day to get back to my friends here on FA and see what've missed all summer long.
And yes, I know it's odd that I am able to get on here on Thanksgiving Day, but honestly it's the first day I've had free to do so. I didn't even take my usual week-long vacation this year. I did flights right up til last night.
"But Adrik," you might ask, "Why would you, a half-Jew who always wears a velvet pouch full of gold around his neck, have to work to the point of being unavailable since July?"
The answer is surprising simple! I have two huge events coming up in 2013!
The first is...this sweet piece of smoked Alaskan meat is getting married! That's right. In a (probably) drunken rant back in July I ended the night of celebrating the 4th by proposing to the love and light of my life, one Nicole Marie Feile, with all the usual attributes including a diamond engagement ring held by a stuffed penguin in one hand and a three-quarters empty bottle of Bailey's Irish Creme in the other. (I tend to have really weird Fourth of July parties) And although I didn't look serious in my khaki dungarees and black My Little Pony FIM shirt with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie clinking together wooden steins of cidar, (I debated against wearing a Regular Show tee with Mordecai and Rigby running around screaming OOOOOOOO!, but didn't think that was appropriate) my voice and eyes were serious and meaningful.
And to this Wolf's ultimate surprise...she said YES! (YEEEAAAHHH! Marriage on the Rocks! OOOOHHHHH!)
So we set a date for our Alaskan wedding in June of 2013, which means I gotta bust tail to make sure that this will be an event to remember. I only want to get married once, so I may as well live it up, yes? This also means that this sweet meat won't be able to man-whore himself out as much anymore. So, I'm afraid that with today's journal I'm going to have to limit myself to North America, Western Europe, and Australia as viable canididates for anyone out there needing me to stop in for a pleasure-filled romp in my garden of earthly delights.
Sorry Bolivia, I'm afraid South America will have to wait a few years until I can sow some more oats down there. Plus I'm still waiting for that papaya tree I was promised. Bastards.
And the second big event, with I guess came on the heels of the whole marriage proposal, is that I, Adrik R. Wolf, will have to leave the world of silly, zany, off-the wall, avant garde humour and wackiness behind so that I may mature and become an adult.
Because I am also going to be a father! (Insert another Regular Show catchphrase here)
Yes. Also during this summer, Nicole informed me of the news that she was pregnant. "How did that happen?" I asked, knowing full well how reproduction works but curious as to who had been involved.
"Take a guess," she replied.
Well my first thought was Quii-mar, the Indonesian sponser-child we've had chained in the garage since last year, when the whole sponser-child gag kinda fell flat. But I knew it could not have been him, given the chains and such. So it turned out that it was me!
I was responsible for this bringing of new life into the world! A new chapter in life. A realisation that it was time for me to grow up and put the games and childish whims behind me. So i picked up my My Little Pony figurines and my Matchbox cars and my Fisher-Price spinner-top and walked back to my den of dreams and realised what i had to do.
On top of remodelling the once proud den into a new bedroom for said arriving child (I heard it's going to be a girl! whoo-hoo!) I was going to have to bring myself up to the next level of life! It was time to stop creating stories about penguins who rape, missionaries on a quest to gather severed heads for the former frontman of Genesis, tales of magical spatulas and off-the-wall characters running amok in Great Britain, and of quests for magical socks and Raccoons who just want to come in and have a piece of turkey just once.
Yes, responsibility loomed ahead for me, as I looked at the walls covered with pictures of rescued Bunnies, vintage Vincent Price movie posters and that poster of Derpy Hooves hanging from a tree limb and saying 'Hang in There!' It was all time to be packed away and stored for future times when I would open up the lid of the dusty crates and say...Ahh, to be young and insane again.
And then Nicole appeared, wrapped her arms around me, and said..."You know we have a third bedroom right? That can be your new man-cave if you want it to be."
And that's when I realised...I DON'T have to mature! Nuts to being all proper and have great work ethic and be afraid to enjoy things! No need to fear! I promise to be as abstract and off the wall as I've always been! And for those of you that know me, some since 2007 believe it or not, you know that I can be wayyyy out in left field when I want to be.
So no worries! Just because this old soon-to-be-28 year old Wolf...(Really, 28? Damn. Maybe I should depart from the Far Side. (Gary Larson reference, look it up) is soon to be sporting both a wife and child, I'm still going to be the same wonky Alaskan that will come clean your bathtub and sleep with your mother (hopefully in the same day) that I've always been.
And so sorry for being away for the last few months. Remodelling and a hectic work schedule do that to you. I plan on bouncing on and off all day long, as well as all weekend, trying to get back in pace and catch up on the thousands of backloggings that I have. And the good news is I plan to be on throughout most of the winter now...something that I usually am unable to do after Christmas. But we'll see what happens.
So, that's just a quick update from me. It's freezing cold up here in Alaska (wouldn't want it any other way) and I did miss all my friends here on FA during my absence. But no worries. I am back, full of pep and vodka, and will be spreading my Adrik cheer all around for you to bathe in.
For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving, Have a wonderful day, with lots of Spam and spiral macaroni. For those not celebrating, Happy November 22nd. Be sure to remember that back in 498 AD, after the death of Anastasius II, Symmachus is elected Pope in the Lateran Palace, while Laurentius is elected Pope in Santa Maria Maggiore.
If that isn't a reason to celebrate today...I don't know what is.
And no matter what you're doing today...make sure to do it with a fresh can of Pride of Carolina yams.
Until next time,
~Adrik
Happy Fourth of July!!!
General | Posted 13 years agoFrom a very intoxicated Adrik...
Yes, I took two more weeks off and stayed in PA to roam the New York, Ohio, New Jersey and Pennsylvania region...and I think we're gonna try to hit up Maine before going back...but anyways, I'm spreading my Adrik Wolfiness all around like a fine silk sheet...
And Nicole and I hit up several Fourth of July events...and I was bad and hit up many, many establishments that serve alcohol...
I'm very wasted and writing this on my iPad as I try to find where we parked...Nicole is driving the MG home...
God I love her...She is everything in my life.....I'm going to ask her to marry me in September! BINGOOOOO!!!!
(Just don't tell her!!!! Cause that would spoil the surprise!!! OOOOOOHHHHH!
Okay, I'm going home to watch Regular Show all night. Better journal and submissions coming up this week!!!!
Oh my God! Did I mention how much I LOVE all of you on here...you guys are the reason for living too! But I can't marry you all! Well, maybe one or two of you...but dont be fighting over my attention!!! OOOOHHHH!!!!
*Save Your Stupid Rulin' For Fools That Need Some Schoolin'!*
~Adrik
Yesssss...Regular Show is my new favourite show for the summer til Pony comes back...oh look, WINE!!!!!!
Yes, I took two more weeks off and stayed in PA to roam the New York, Ohio, New Jersey and Pennsylvania region...and I think we're gonna try to hit up Maine before going back...but anyways, I'm spreading my Adrik Wolfiness all around like a fine silk sheet...
And Nicole and I hit up several Fourth of July events...and I was bad and hit up many, many establishments that serve alcohol...
I'm very wasted and writing this on my iPad as I try to find where we parked...Nicole is driving the MG home...
God I love her...She is everything in my life.....I'm going to ask her to marry me in September! BINGOOOOO!!!!
(Just don't tell her!!!! Cause that would spoil the surprise!!! OOOOOOHHHHH!
Okay, I'm going home to watch Regular Show all night. Better journal and submissions coming up this week!!!!
Oh my God! Did I mention how much I LOVE all of you on here...you guys are the reason for living too! But I can't marry you all! Well, maybe one or two of you...but dont be fighting over my attention!!! OOOOHHHH!!!!
*Save Your Stupid Rulin' For Fools That Need Some Schoolin'!*
~Adrik
Yesssss...Regular Show is my new favourite show for the summer til Pony comes back...oh look, WINE!!!!!!
Just In Case You All Didn't Think I Was Weird Enough Already
General | Posted 13 years agoSwiped with my sticky hooves from 
cause I'm on a plane and just finished writing a story...
Oh yippee!! A meme about embarrassing personal sexy treats!. Good thing I had lots of time to think of the perfect answer for each of these tantalising questions on the plane ride to Pennsylvania where I’ll be spending two happy weeks on vacation with the family!
Oh stop playing that funeral music. Being in a house with one’s Jewish parents (one, my father, who is turning 58 on the 19th! Way to go Dad!) to celebrate birthdays and the obligatory Mother and Father’s Day can’t be all bad.
Let the naggings and Jew advice begin!
And now, on with the meme! (Done of course as my Wolf alter ego Sir Hardin Thicke, who is more accustomed to questions of this persuasion)
Let’s begin:
What colour are your underwear/panties?
The panties I currently am showing as part of my Summer 2012 wardrobe are the most amazing purple that you would think I’ve strapped a bunch of grapes to my groin and began parading around outside, asking others to make a fine grape wine from my panties o’ plenty.
Also, I’m sporting My Little Pony boxers as part of the summer of Adrik fashion trend. Don’t ask where I got them. I will never tell!
Do they have a design?
Well I’m not suppose to say, but they have submitted a design for the 2013 Dodge Dart that combines functionality with performance. And an onboard waffle maker for those breakfasts on the go!
Girls, what colour is your bra?
Yes, please relay that information promptly, girls. I’ve got a hankering for waffles now…
Is there a design?
When one considers the basis of a design, they must first gather inspiration. Such inspiration can come from nature, from the stars, or even from architecture of the past. Take the Belgians for example. Not only do they make one hell of a waffle, but they also have a varying degree of design in their buildings that combine gothic and Romanesque styles to create a unique flavour found only in that region.
And also in Ireland. They copy everything.
What colour are your socks?
I wonder if anyone down in Illinois are eating waffles right now. It’s only 9 am Central time. I know there’s probably some gangster down there in Chicago, eating his waffles and looking for a bottle of marmalade.
Is there a design on them?
That reminds me. What is up with marmalade? It’s all orange and tasty, but it sounds too much like lemonade. And who on earth is putting lemonade on their waffles? It makes as much sense as putting lemonade in an aluminium can! And I tried that once…it was so bland and metallic tasting. I would never put canned lemonade on a waffle. Ever. I don’t care what special IHOP is running.
Are you a virgin?
No, I am an Alaskan. But I was born in Pennsylvania, where I’m headed for two weeks. So I guess that makes me a Pennsylvanian. But I did live in England too for a while when I was younger, so that might make me English too. I think I’m just a mutt of all sorts of different backgrounds. All I can say is thank the gods I wasn’t born in Ireland.
Happy that way?
I guess. I mean I’m glad I wasn’t born in Louisiana. It’s so hot and muggy there with all the swamps and crawfish. And they have stupid laws there too. Did you know you can’t bang a cow and be an alcoholic at the same time there? I mean what business is it of the government what kind of cow I want to get fresh with after rockin’ out a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
What is your favourite sex position?
Speaking of Pabst. That is some shitty beer. I remember like six years ago I went on this Pabst bender, drinking nothing but Pabst Blue Ribbon for an entire month. I ate a lot of cheese and ended up buying four red-bellied piranha.
Never drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. That blue ribbon win from 1893 just isn’t cutting it anymore. Quit coasting on it and make something we actually want to drink.
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
Here’s a fun fact about red-bellied piranha: The red-bellied piranha has a reputation for being one of the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. As their name suggests, red-bellied piranhas have a reddish tinge to the belly when fully grown.
Do you look at hentai?
This reminds me of the time I went to a friend’s birthday party and for some reason they were serving octopus tentacles. I asked who serves octopus tentacles at a birthday party and I got a spiel about how ‘The store was running a special on them and it’s good to expand your horizons’ So I ate some octopus and went swimming, but got sick and ended up throwing up in the pool. There were all these nubby tentacles floating around.
Real porn?
Look, here’s another fun fact about the red-bellied piranha! Red-bellied piranha usually spawn around April and May during the rainy season. The male will build a dug-out nest in rocks and vegetation, awaiting a female. Females can lay around 600 eggs which the male fertilizes. Males become extremely territorial during spawning, and will prevent other fish from approaching the nest. After the eggs hatch, both parents guard the broods. Red-bellied piranhas exhibit very little obvious sexual dimorphism, although females may have slightly more yellow on the belly than males.
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
I read the back of boxes of Lucky Charms. That way I can gain an understanding into the workings of leprechauns and their fascination with marshmallows. Just part of my global domination plot.
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
Do we really need this many slashes in one question? Do, you, see, me, going, nuts, with, the, commas? Asshole.
Who was your first kiss with?
I can’t recall. But I can tell you the first roll of ShockTarts I bought. April 14th, 1993. They were on a rack at the checkout counter of the Giant Eagle grocery store and it started my twenty year torrid relationship with Willy Wonka until he betrayed me by changing the name to ‘Shockers’.
Prick.
Are they of the opposite sex?
Shockers? Probably. I’m guessing the yellow and green ones are female cause they taste the most like vagina. The other ones remind me of blue raspberry Slush Puppies and Pop Tarts. Which makes them gay. Which makes me even happier.
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
What an odd question. Have you read my last journal? I was laying Adrik cream all over Alaska. An Eskimo here. Four or five Portuguese there. It’s all the same to this wild sex-crazed Pony.
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
All of them! Better unlock your doors, friends. Adrik’s coming and he’s bringing some salsa dip, Saran Wrap, a Rick Springfield CD and lots of Goldfish Crackers. You’re in for a night of tender lovin, be there no doubt!
What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
I would probably move to Berlin and start a new life as a Cobbler.
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
Mentioning Berlin reminded me of that great 1980’s New Wave band, Berlin. I can so go for a rousing play list of ‘No More Words’, ‘The Metro’, and a great finish of the extended dance mix of ‘Take My Breath Away’. Where’s my iPod?
If so, where?
I’m in luck! My iPod is right here in my laptop case, still in the original box and everything! So many people never keep the original packaging anymore. They just have their iPods bouncing around, the case getting all scuffed and dirty. Mine is mint, except for the headphones, which never fit right in my Jew ears. An order to Amazon fixed that problem!
Oh look, someone’s got Donna Summer on their album listing! Are you ready for some Hot Stuff?
Do you have any tattoos?
Damn. I am so backlogged on Bronyville podcasts. I see six episodes I have to listen to while on vacation. Now what was the question? Tattoo? Sure. Just as long as it’s of either a My Little Pony or a Wolf. And it must be administered on my body by the great Ric Olsen of Berlin. Or if he’s out on tour, get Russell Hitchcock of Air Supply up here from Australia and get him laying some ink on this supple body.
If so, where?
Specifically, Glennallen Alaska. Not so specifically, 7,654 miles in some direction from Perth, Australia.
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
Just once. It was to a Filipino girl who came into the aeroport once. I thought she was the love of my life because she brought me some canned peaches and spoke both Hungarian and Portuguese. Then she ran off with some guy who worked at the dairy and I swore I’d never give my heart or my sperm to anyone from Lisbon again.
Ever done any illegal drugs?
I’ve purchased some illegal rugs. It was a low point in my life. I was on the streets, singing Juice Newton songs just to scrape together enough money to buy a nice Afghan rug to store in the rear of my old Land Rover. Then one day this gypsy comes up during a heartfelt rendition of ‘Angel of The Morning’ and tells me he can get me good rugs on the cheap. Next thing I know, I’m working the docks, smuggling area rugs and throw rugs for middle class California families. I got busted outside a Kmart hawking inferior shag and had to do a dime up in Folsom.
Low times indeed.
If so, which ones?
Please don’t make me bring up those memories again. Or tell that story again. I mean the prison rape was okay…but whoever decorated those cells? Shame, shame.
Have you ever cheated on someone?
I cheated on the girl who works the Hertz Rent A Car counter at Pittsburgh International Airport. I told her that I was looking forward to seeing her again, but when Nicole and I came out the gate, we went straight to Enterprise. Not only did we get a better rate, but we were able to rent a Kia. Suck on that, Shelly! Adrik ain’t never gonna be faithful to your bitch ass and your shitty Ford Fusion!
Ever been cheated on?
I’ve been Syd Cheatled on. That damn Dublin-born Irish writer came to my pad one day, looking for ideas and any spare punctuation marks I could spare. I felt bad for him and tossed him a couple of plays that he debuted at Abbey Theatre! Those should be my shillings!
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
Come on. Really? You can’t use a slash on two words with the same meaning you moron/fucktard.
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
No, but I’ve had a sexual fantasy involving relative risk, which is the risk of an event (or of developing a disease) relative to exposure. Relative risk is a ratio of the probability of the event occurring in the exposed group versus a non-exposed group
Here’s an example of my sexual deviance: CI=log(RR) +/- SE x Zi
Doesn’t that just get you all wet, girls? Mmmhmm!
Have you ever masturbated?
And anger God? I’ve *NEVER* come home to an empty house, dimmed the lights, laid out the best silk sheets, put the Climax Blues Band on the record player, grabbed a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s pancake syrup from the cupboard, got everything all nice and lubed up for a rousing visit to Youporn.com and made myself feel like a dirty little Pony.
Nope. Not ever.
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
I’m taking one right now. On the plane. The stewardesses and pilots are very impressed. And here’s a quick fact for you regarding the Climax Blues Band: Did you know their song ‘I Love You?’ was at #13 on the pop charts this week back in 1981?
Now, back to the naked pictures of Adrik’s penis. Now up on Twitter! And for some reason, BBC News…
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
I have six naked candy-coloured Ponies as a screensaver on my laptop. Luckily they are of legal age so that US Marshall giving me the wink can’t do a thing about it.
Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)?
Absolutely. Nicole and Shoney have been hitting me up for weeks now to give them some of these magic beans. But I’ve got to keep myself available only to lonely overweight housewives from Iowa who’s husbands are gone all week hauling cattle from Okalahoma City to the slaughterhouses in Chicago. Those are the true lonely hearts of America deserving of my man-nectar.
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
I wrote a story back in 2010 about plowing a zombie. It disgusted even myself and I swore I would never go to the graveyard in hope of love ever again. And I can’t draw worth a damn, so figure that out yourself.
Now if the question had been: ‘Have you ever acted out an orgy at a community theatre involving everyone you went to school with, teachers and special guest speakers included, well…
Do you swear in front of your parents?
My parents swear at me if I don’t swear at them. It’s a very healthy relationship. Also they continually ask if I still buy $300 bottles of wine and sleep with horses.
My parents can’t figure me out.
Do they care?
About that question? Fuck no. I can hear my father now: “What? What is this? Why are they asking all these pointless questions? And what’s with all these answers? We’re talking about waffles and Berlin and jerking off and Shockers that taste like vagina. It’s madness I tell you. None of it makes any sense!”
My feelings exactly dad. And you left out banging the Portuguese and exposing yourself on a plane. Happy Birthday!
Are you uncomfortable yet?
I’m so uncomfortable…I better go change into my burlap teddy! (True Mystery Science Theatre 3000 fans will get that reference! If not, please refer to YouTube to get with the times, you dolt!
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
You know I am! By the way, there is a terrorist sitting beside me, making me type all of this. Thank God we’re over Pennsylvania now. Time to crash into a field!
Well, that's all for now! It's been a fun plane ride back to the East Coast. I'm off to spend magic and happiness throughout PA for the next two weeks. (And since this is Friday...I may already be two or three days in the can) so keep your ear to the street...Adrik may give you a special treat!
Until next time!
~Adrik
cause I'm on a plane and just finished writing a story...Oh yippee!! A meme about embarrassing personal sexy treats!. Good thing I had lots of time to think of the perfect answer for each of these tantalising questions on the plane ride to Pennsylvania where I’ll be spending two happy weeks on vacation with the family!
Oh stop playing that funeral music. Being in a house with one’s Jewish parents (one, my father, who is turning 58 on the 19th! Way to go Dad!) to celebrate birthdays and the obligatory Mother and Father’s Day can’t be all bad.
Let the naggings and Jew advice begin!
And now, on with the meme! (Done of course as my Wolf alter ego Sir Hardin Thicke, who is more accustomed to questions of this persuasion)
Let’s begin:
What colour are your underwear/panties?
The panties I currently am showing as part of my Summer 2012 wardrobe are the most amazing purple that you would think I’ve strapped a bunch of grapes to my groin and began parading around outside, asking others to make a fine grape wine from my panties o’ plenty.
Also, I’m sporting My Little Pony boxers as part of the summer of Adrik fashion trend. Don’t ask where I got them. I will never tell!
Do they have a design?
Well I’m not suppose to say, but they have submitted a design for the 2013 Dodge Dart that combines functionality with performance. And an onboard waffle maker for those breakfasts on the go!
Girls, what colour is your bra?
Yes, please relay that information promptly, girls. I’ve got a hankering for waffles now…
Is there a design?
When one considers the basis of a design, they must first gather inspiration. Such inspiration can come from nature, from the stars, or even from architecture of the past. Take the Belgians for example. Not only do they make one hell of a waffle, but they also have a varying degree of design in their buildings that combine gothic and Romanesque styles to create a unique flavour found only in that region.
And also in Ireland. They copy everything.
What colour are your socks?
I wonder if anyone down in Illinois are eating waffles right now. It’s only 9 am Central time. I know there’s probably some gangster down there in Chicago, eating his waffles and looking for a bottle of marmalade.
Is there a design on them?
That reminds me. What is up with marmalade? It’s all orange and tasty, but it sounds too much like lemonade. And who on earth is putting lemonade on their waffles? It makes as much sense as putting lemonade in an aluminium can! And I tried that once…it was so bland and metallic tasting. I would never put canned lemonade on a waffle. Ever. I don’t care what special IHOP is running.
Are you a virgin?
No, I am an Alaskan. But I was born in Pennsylvania, where I’m headed for two weeks. So I guess that makes me a Pennsylvanian. But I did live in England too for a while when I was younger, so that might make me English too. I think I’m just a mutt of all sorts of different backgrounds. All I can say is thank the gods I wasn’t born in Ireland.
Happy that way?
I guess. I mean I’m glad I wasn’t born in Louisiana. It’s so hot and muggy there with all the swamps and crawfish. And they have stupid laws there too. Did you know you can’t bang a cow and be an alcoholic at the same time there? I mean what business is it of the government what kind of cow I want to get fresh with after rockin’ out a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
What is your favourite sex position?
Speaking of Pabst. That is some shitty beer. I remember like six years ago I went on this Pabst bender, drinking nothing but Pabst Blue Ribbon for an entire month. I ate a lot of cheese and ended up buying four red-bellied piranha.
Never drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. That blue ribbon win from 1893 just isn’t cutting it anymore. Quit coasting on it and make something we actually want to drink.
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
Here’s a fun fact about red-bellied piranha: The red-bellied piranha has a reputation for being one of the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. As their name suggests, red-bellied piranhas have a reddish tinge to the belly when fully grown.
Do you look at hentai?
This reminds me of the time I went to a friend’s birthday party and for some reason they were serving octopus tentacles. I asked who serves octopus tentacles at a birthday party and I got a spiel about how ‘The store was running a special on them and it’s good to expand your horizons’ So I ate some octopus and went swimming, but got sick and ended up throwing up in the pool. There were all these nubby tentacles floating around.
Real porn?
Look, here’s another fun fact about the red-bellied piranha! Red-bellied piranha usually spawn around April and May during the rainy season. The male will build a dug-out nest in rocks and vegetation, awaiting a female. Females can lay around 600 eggs which the male fertilizes. Males become extremely territorial during spawning, and will prevent other fish from approaching the nest. After the eggs hatch, both parents guard the broods. Red-bellied piranhas exhibit very little obvious sexual dimorphism, although females may have slightly more yellow on the belly than males.
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
I read the back of boxes of Lucky Charms. That way I can gain an understanding into the workings of leprechauns and their fascination with marshmallows. Just part of my global domination plot.
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
Do we really need this many slashes in one question? Do, you, see, me, going, nuts, with, the, commas? Asshole.
Who was your first kiss with?
I can’t recall. But I can tell you the first roll of ShockTarts I bought. April 14th, 1993. They were on a rack at the checkout counter of the Giant Eagle grocery store and it started my twenty year torrid relationship with Willy Wonka until he betrayed me by changing the name to ‘Shockers’.
Prick.
Are they of the opposite sex?
Shockers? Probably. I’m guessing the yellow and green ones are female cause they taste the most like vagina. The other ones remind me of blue raspberry Slush Puppies and Pop Tarts. Which makes them gay. Which makes me even happier.
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
What an odd question. Have you read my last journal? I was laying Adrik cream all over Alaska. An Eskimo here. Four or five Portuguese there. It’s all the same to this wild sex-crazed Pony.
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
All of them! Better unlock your doors, friends. Adrik’s coming and he’s bringing some salsa dip, Saran Wrap, a Rick Springfield CD and lots of Goldfish Crackers. You’re in for a night of tender lovin, be there no doubt!
What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
I would probably move to Berlin and start a new life as a Cobbler.
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
Mentioning Berlin reminded me of that great 1980’s New Wave band, Berlin. I can so go for a rousing play list of ‘No More Words’, ‘The Metro’, and a great finish of the extended dance mix of ‘Take My Breath Away’. Where’s my iPod?
If so, where?
I’m in luck! My iPod is right here in my laptop case, still in the original box and everything! So many people never keep the original packaging anymore. They just have their iPods bouncing around, the case getting all scuffed and dirty. Mine is mint, except for the headphones, which never fit right in my Jew ears. An order to Amazon fixed that problem!
Oh look, someone’s got Donna Summer on their album listing! Are you ready for some Hot Stuff?
Do you have any tattoos?
Damn. I am so backlogged on Bronyville podcasts. I see six episodes I have to listen to while on vacation. Now what was the question? Tattoo? Sure. Just as long as it’s of either a My Little Pony or a Wolf. And it must be administered on my body by the great Ric Olsen of Berlin. Or if he’s out on tour, get Russell Hitchcock of Air Supply up here from Australia and get him laying some ink on this supple body.
If so, where?
Specifically, Glennallen Alaska. Not so specifically, 7,654 miles in some direction from Perth, Australia.
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
Just once. It was to a Filipino girl who came into the aeroport once. I thought she was the love of my life because she brought me some canned peaches and spoke both Hungarian and Portuguese. Then she ran off with some guy who worked at the dairy and I swore I’d never give my heart or my sperm to anyone from Lisbon again.
Ever done any illegal drugs?
I’ve purchased some illegal rugs. It was a low point in my life. I was on the streets, singing Juice Newton songs just to scrape together enough money to buy a nice Afghan rug to store in the rear of my old Land Rover. Then one day this gypsy comes up during a heartfelt rendition of ‘Angel of The Morning’ and tells me he can get me good rugs on the cheap. Next thing I know, I’m working the docks, smuggling area rugs and throw rugs for middle class California families. I got busted outside a Kmart hawking inferior shag and had to do a dime up in Folsom.
Low times indeed.
If so, which ones?
Please don’t make me bring up those memories again. Or tell that story again. I mean the prison rape was okay…but whoever decorated those cells? Shame, shame.
Have you ever cheated on someone?
I cheated on the girl who works the Hertz Rent A Car counter at Pittsburgh International Airport. I told her that I was looking forward to seeing her again, but when Nicole and I came out the gate, we went straight to Enterprise. Not only did we get a better rate, but we were able to rent a Kia. Suck on that, Shelly! Adrik ain’t never gonna be faithful to your bitch ass and your shitty Ford Fusion!
Ever been cheated on?
I’ve been Syd Cheatled on. That damn Dublin-born Irish writer came to my pad one day, looking for ideas and any spare punctuation marks I could spare. I felt bad for him and tossed him a couple of plays that he debuted at Abbey Theatre! Those should be my shillings!
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
Come on. Really? You can’t use a slash on two words with the same meaning you moron/fucktard.
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
No, but I’ve had a sexual fantasy involving relative risk, which is the risk of an event (or of developing a disease) relative to exposure. Relative risk is a ratio of the probability of the event occurring in the exposed group versus a non-exposed group
Here’s an example of my sexual deviance: CI=log(RR) +/- SE x Zi
Doesn’t that just get you all wet, girls? Mmmhmm!
Have you ever masturbated?
And anger God? I’ve *NEVER* come home to an empty house, dimmed the lights, laid out the best silk sheets, put the Climax Blues Band on the record player, grabbed a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s pancake syrup from the cupboard, got everything all nice and lubed up for a rousing visit to Youporn.com and made myself feel like a dirty little Pony.
Nope. Not ever.
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
I’m taking one right now. On the plane. The stewardesses and pilots are very impressed. And here’s a quick fact for you regarding the Climax Blues Band: Did you know their song ‘I Love You?’ was at #13 on the pop charts this week back in 1981?
Now, back to the naked pictures of Adrik’s penis. Now up on Twitter! And for some reason, BBC News…
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
I have six naked candy-coloured Ponies as a screensaver on my laptop. Luckily they are of legal age so that US Marshall giving me the wink can’t do a thing about it.
Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)?
Absolutely. Nicole and Shoney have been hitting me up for weeks now to give them some of these magic beans. But I’ve got to keep myself available only to lonely overweight housewives from Iowa who’s husbands are gone all week hauling cattle from Okalahoma City to the slaughterhouses in Chicago. Those are the true lonely hearts of America deserving of my man-nectar.
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
I wrote a story back in 2010 about plowing a zombie. It disgusted even myself and I swore I would never go to the graveyard in hope of love ever again. And I can’t draw worth a damn, so figure that out yourself.
Now if the question had been: ‘Have you ever acted out an orgy at a community theatre involving everyone you went to school with, teachers and special guest speakers included, well…
Do you swear in front of your parents?
My parents swear at me if I don’t swear at them. It’s a very healthy relationship. Also they continually ask if I still buy $300 bottles of wine and sleep with horses.
My parents can’t figure me out.
Do they care?
About that question? Fuck no. I can hear my father now: “What? What is this? Why are they asking all these pointless questions? And what’s with all these answers? We’re talking about waffles and Berlin and jerking off and Shockers that taste like vagina. It’s madness I tell you. None of it makes any sense!”
My feelings exactly dad. And you left out banging the Portuguese and exposing yourself on a plane. Happy Birthday!
Are you uncomfortable yet?
I’m so uncomfortable…I better go change into my burlap teddy! (True Mystery Science Theatre 3000 fans will get that reference! If not, please refer to YouTube to get with the times, you dolt!
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
You know I am! By the way, there is a terrorist sitting beside me, making me type all of this. Thank God we’re over Pennsylvania now. Time to crash into a field!
Well, that's all for now! It's been a fun plane ride back to the East Coast. I'm off to spend magic and happiness throughout PA for the next two weeks. (And since this is Friday...I may already be two or three days in the can) so keep your ear to the street...Adrik may give you a special treat!
Until next time!
~Adrik
Fifty Shades Of Adrik
General | Posted 13 years agoAll of you...well, probably more like six of you...have probably noticed that I was only on very sporadically the last few months. And for that I know you were all extremely sad and heartbroken.
But do not fear!
Yes, it is true that the first half of this year revolved around me working insane hours flying up to Barrow and Prudhoe six, even seven days a week, shuttling supplies and workers for Shell Oil. (Thank God for oil company contracts...I made out like a bandit in the cash flow department!)
But do not fret. It was not all working all hours of the day, sleeping in the Britten-Norman, struggling to have two minutes to myself to have any resemblance of my normal life.
No my friends, as much as I was out making money with my wings, this Pony was also out busy getting his Mogwai wet all over Alaska!
And with so many thrilling, steamy and sultry stories filling my head and video camera, I thought the best course of action was to put my hooves to the keyboard and type up my adventures in what will surely be this summer's hottest bestselling novel.
But perhaps I should let the following 'New York Times' article tell the riveting review:
*From the 27/May/2012 edition of 'The New York Times'-
'Fifty Shades Of Adrik', the steamy new novel that hit bookstores and Kindles only a few short weeks ago is already burning up the best-seller charts and redefining the way the world looks at erotic fiction.
USA Today writes: "This novel was disgustingly unnecessary"
Joel Stein from 'Time' magazine quotes: "Isn't there some other country we can ship Adrik Wolf to? Bolivia? Australia? Portugal? I mean come on. This sort of homo and hetero-erotic fiction is only good for starting forest fires and helping overweight housewives get off!"
Marsha Helig from Peoria, Illinois says: "The image of Adrik Wolf plowing so many guys and girls in the span of three months is strangely arousing. He's either the greatest lover ever or the strangest person ever. Oh he's Jewish? And a Furry? Oh well nevermind then."
And Aaron Phelps of Amazon.com reviews: "Did someone really write about a self-proclaimed half-Jew running around Alaska banging everyone in sight? I mean next you'll tell me there's a segment about getting raped at an East Coast University in this book..."
Actually there is. And readers will be treated to many of Adrik's other interesting and delicious escapades. The plot is as follows:
After returning home after working the hazardous airways of Alaska, our 'thick as a soup can' hero Adrik Wolf is picked up at the aeroport by the lonely 70-year-old billionaire widow of the CEO of Hasbro International. After being seduced by Adrik’s charms and desire to visit the Wasillia Outlet Mall for a much-needed haircut, the two dive into a tumultuous relationship that lasts the entire drive from Glennallen to Wasilla.
A passage:
“The ride in the back of her Town Car was uneventful. At least until she produced a stiff black riding crop and smacked it heavily against the supple leather seat.
“I hear that ‘My Little Pony’ is your favourite show to watch, Adrik.” she murred, eyes glinting with need. The riding crop made another sturdy ‘THWAPP!’ against the seat.
The suave Adrik Wolf only smiled and stood up, unbuttoning the fashionable and well-pressed Dockers pants he was wearing. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favourite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
Adrik showed her the goods and she accepted the offering. The ride to Wasilla is long, but not long enough for all their earthly desires to be filled. “It slips down my throat, all seawater, salt, the sharp tang of citrus, and fleshiness… ooh. I lick my lips, and he’s watching me intently, his eyes hooded.” the hapless widow tells us in her own words.
The sex is explicit. Raw. Juicy. The riding crop is struck against Adrik’s supple, firm buttocks again and again. Somebody’s been a bad Pony…“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.” “the elderly CEO squirts baby oil onto her hand and then rubs his behind with careful tenderness — from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.”
The raunchiness comes to a brief halt once the hair salon is reached. Adrik, sporting a beautiful head of velvety brown hair, enters the salon only to be quickly accosted by the sultry hairdressers.
“ Our dear Adrik! What’s wrong? What did that creepy decrepit old billionaire bitch do?” “You have dreadful sex hair.” said one handsome hairdresser who’s name was Steve. But there was little time for pleasantries. Adrik was completely surrounded by the store full of beauty technicians. He was outnumbered, but he still managed to satisfy each employee, male and female, accordingly. No one was left unsatisfied!
And the hot scenes don’t stop there. From the dingy back storerooms of the Wasilla Outlet Mall’s many reasonably priced discount stores to the steamy bathhouses of Western Anchorage, Adrik leaves his sticky trail of hot Wolf-love all over Alaska.
Another squishy passage:
“I don’t remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible.” Adrik whispered to the burly bathmaster. The taunt Russian bodybuilder only snorted and applied said clamps slowly, making sure the perk flesh of Adrik’s beautiful nipples received the full force of the metal jaws. This was followed by a laugh and splash of hot, teasing water.
“Dear Adrik, you are not just a pretty face. You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.” the bathmaster laughed boisterously. “Now time for some much needed manscaping!”
Be ready to grip the edge of your seat when Adrik recalls a lone night of sensual rape at Penn State back in the early 2000’s. The details are vivid. The showers are freshly cleaned. The robes are loose and there’s a wide assortment of body oils yearning for soft flesh.
Another passage to tease you with:
“It was about eight or nine years ago,” Adrik said, slowly unbuttoning the blouse of his female psychiatrist. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.”
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old firm young goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" I snapped my fingers. The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. I could hear ’Lovin;, Touchin’, Squeezin’ by Journey playing on a radio. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my head against the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers slide in..."
In all my years of writing for ‘The New York Times’ have I never read such a moving, exciting, throbbing story of one young man’s quest for sexual fulfilment. It’s been reported to this newspaper that Mr. Wolf is already fielding offers from several movie studios to produce a film version of his erotic exploits. Until then, we’ll all just have to read the written version of this amazing Wolf and his quest for love and satisfaction.”
And there you have it. Once again the world’s furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew has proven once again that life isn’t always about working hard. Sometimes just nailing three-quarters of the Alaskan population, from greasy oilfield workers to the sexually-depraved Sarah Palin herself, is it’s own reward.
A reward that needs to be shared with the world.
See you on the talk show circuit, bitches!
~Adrik
But do not fear!
Yes, it is true that the first half of this year revolved around me working insane hours flying up to Barrow and Prudhoe six, even seven days a week, shuttling supplies and workers for Shell Oil. (Thank God for oil company contracts...I made out like a bandit in the cash flow department!)
But do not fret. It was not all working all hours of the day, sleeping in the Britten-Norman, struggling to have two minutes to myself to have any resemblance of my normal life.
No my friends, as much as I was out making money with my wings, this Pony was also out busy getting his Mogwai wet all over Alaska!
And with so many thrilling, steamy and sultry stories filling my head and video camera, I thought the best course of action was to put my hooves to the keyboard and type up my adventures in what will surely be this summer's hottest bestselling novel.
But perhaps I should let the following 'New York Times' article tell the riveting review:
*From the 27/May/2012 edition of 'The New York Times'-
'Fifty Shades Of Adrik', the steamy new novel that hit bookstores and Kindles only a few short weeks ago is already burning up the best-seller charts and redefining the way the world looks at erotic fiction.
USA Today writes: "This novel was disgustingly unnecessary"
Joel Stein from 'Time' magazine quotes: "Isn't there some other country we can ship Adrik Wolf to? Bolivia? Australia? Portugal? I mean come on. This sort of homo and hetero-erotic fiction is only good for starting forest fires and helping overweight housewives get off!"
Marsha Helig from Peoria, Illinois says: "The image of Adrik Wolf plowing so many guys and girls in the span of three months is strangely arousing. He's either the greatest lover ever or the strangest person ever. Oh he's Jewish? And a Furry? Oh well nevermind then."
And Aaron Phelps of Amazon.com reviews: "Did someone really write about a self-proclaimed half-Jew running around Alaska banging everyone in sight? I mean next you'll tell me there's a segment about getting raped at an East Coast University in this book..."
Actually there is. And readers will be treated to many of Adrik's other interesting and delicious escapades. The plot is as follows:
After returning home after working the hazardous airways of Alaska, our 'thick as a soup can' hero Adrik Wolf is picked up at the aeroport by the lonely 70-year-old billionaire widow of the CEO of Hasbro International. After being seduced by Adrik’s charms and desire to visit the Wasillia Outlet Mall for a much-needed haircut, the two dive into a tumultuous relationship that lasts the entire drive from Glennallen to Wasilla.
A passage:
“The ride in the back of her Town Car was uneventful. At least until she produced a stiff black riding crop and smacked it heavily against the supple leather seat.
“I hear that ‘My Little Pony’ is your favourite show to watch, Adrik.” she murred, eyes glinting with need. The riding crop made another sturdy ‘THWAPP!’ against the seat.
The suave Adrik Wolf only smiled and stood up, unbuttoning the fashionable and well-pressed Dockers pants he was wearing. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favourite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
Adrik showed her the goods and she accepted the offering. The ride to Wasilla is long, but not long enough for all their earthly desires to be filled. “It slips down my throat, all seawater, salt, the sharp tang of citrus, and fleshiness… ooh. I lick my lips, and he’s watching me intently, his eyes hooded.” the hapless widow tells us in her own words.
The sex is explicit. Raw. Juicy. The riding crop is struck against Adrik’s supple, firm buttocks again and again. Somebody’s been a bad Pony…“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.” “the elderly CEO squirts baby oil onto her hand and then rubs his behind with careful tenderness — from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.”
The raunchiness comes to a brief halt once the hair salon is reached. Adrik, sporting a beautiful head of velvety brown hair, enters the salon only to be quickly accosted by the sultry hairdressers.
“ Our dear Adrik! What’s wrong? What did that creepy decrepit old billionaire bitch do?” “You have dreadful sex hair.” said one handsome hairdresser who’s name was Steve. But there was little time for pleasantries. Adrik was completely surrounded by the store full of beauty technicians. He was outnumbered, but he still managed to satisfy each employee, male and female, accordingly. No one was left unsatisfied!
And the hot scenes don’t stop there. From the dingy back storerooms of the Wasilla Outlet Mall’s many reasonably priced discount stores to the steamy bathhouses of Western Anchorage, Adrik leaves his sticky trail of hot Wolf-love all over Alaska.
Another squishy passage:
“I don’t remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible.” Adrik whispered to the burly bathmaster. The taunt Russian bodybuilder only snorted and applied said clamps slowly, making sure the perk flesh of Adrik’s beautiful nipples received the full force of the metal jaws. This was followed by a laugh and splash of hot, teasing water.
“Dear Adrik, you are not just a pretty face. You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.” the bathmaster laughed boisterously. “Now time for some much needed manscaping!”
Be ready to grip the edge of your seat when Adrik recalls a lone night of sensual rape at Penn State back in the early 2000’s. The details are vivid. The showers are freshly cleaned. The robes are loose and there’s a wide assortment of body oils yearning for soft flesh.
Another passage to tease you with:
“It was about eight or nine years ago,” Adrik said, slowly unbuttoning the blouse of his female psychiatrist. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.”
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old firm young goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" I snapped my fingers. The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. I could hear ’Lovin;, Touchin’, Squeezin’ by Journey playing on a radio. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my head against the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers slide in..."
In all my years of writing for ‘The New York Times’ have I never read such a moving, exciting, throbbing story of one young man’s quest for sexual fulfilment. It’s been reported to this newspaper that Mr. Wolf is already fielding offers from several movie studios to produce a film version of his erotic exploits. Until then, we’ll all just have to read the written version of this amazing Wolf and his quest for love and satisfaction.”
And there you have it. Once again the world’s furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew has proven once again that life isn’t always about working hard. Sometimes just nailing three-quarters of the Alaskan population, from greasy oilfield workers to the sexually-depraved Sarah Palin herself, is it’s own reward.
A reward that needs to be shared with the world.
See you on the talk show circuit, bitches!
~Adrik
Not A Real Journal Yet...But This One Does Involve Pimping!
General | Posted 13 years agoI'll be posting an update journal this weekend when I have more time to write out everything that's been going on the last few months. Let's just say it's involved doing a lot of flying and being away from home ALOT. But there's also a story about my massage and a haircut that I will share with you all in the style of a folk song.
But anyways, back to the point of this journal. I'm not expecting much of a response, but i may be strained for character ideas, so i'm just putting this out here.
I have started a new story series entitled 'Pink Dynamite', about a badass, smooth Pony living in Ponyville in the late 1970's. It's going to involve alot of pimping, drugs, drinking, sex, and disco! Pretty raunchy stuff for a show based off of candy-coloured Ponies.
I already have the first Story in the series posted, so feel free to check it out.
Anyways, I am just tossing the net out here to see if any of you want to be in this story. Any kind of Pony you want to be is fine. Earth, Unicorn or Pegasus. The story needs all kinds of characters, so it's pretty open to whatever you want to be. Just keep in mind taht it's a spoof of 1970's pulp fiction novels and blaxplotation films, so the characters will be over-exaggerated and very un-MLP like.
If you're interested, just let me know what kind of pony character you'd be interested in being in the story. I can take care of all the writing and dialogue, so just a description and personality will be all the work i'd need from you.
And if there are no takers, that's okay too. I can work my brain overtime creating all the parts.
Thanks for checking out this journal and i hope to maybe put a few of you in Pony form for a future installment in the 'Pink Dynamite' series.
~Adrik
But anyways, back to the point of this journal. I'm not expecting much of a response, but i may be strained for character ideas, so i'm just putting this out here.
I have started a new story series entitled 'Pink Dynamite', about a badass, smooth Pony living in Ponyville in the late 1970's. It's going to involve alot of pimping, drugs, drinking, sex, and disco! Pretty raunchy stuff for a show based off of candy-coloured Ponies.
I already have the first Story in the series posted, so feel free to check it out.
Anyways, I am just tossing the net out here to see if any of you want to be in this story. Any kind of Pony you want to be is fine. Earth, Unicorn or Pegasus. The story needs all kinds of characters, so it's pretty open to whatever you want to be. Just keep in mind taht it's a spoof of 1970's pulp fiction novels and blaxplotation films, so the characters will be over-exaggerated and very un-MLP like.
If you're interested, just let me know what kind of pony character you'd be interested in being in the story. I can take care of all the writing and dialogue, so just a description and personality will be all the work i'd need from you.
And if there are no takers, that's okay too. I can work my brain overtime creating all the parts.
Thanks for checking out this journal and i hope to maybe put a few of you in Pony form for a future installment in the 'Pink Dynamite' series.
~Adrik
Of Not Flying, Not Eating Italian and Not Being On That Much
General | Posted 14 years ago"When are you going to fly that new plane of yours?" I was asked last night by the lovely love-of-my-life Nicole Marie Feile.
And for good reason. I have been so busy the first couple of months this year that i haven't had time to take the new bird out, let alone do much of anything else. Who would have guessed that buying a new plane (well, new to me at least) would involve so much paperwork, travelling, inspections, tests, reports, reading, paperwork, haggling, phone calls, more travelling, and did I mention paperwork?
But hey, thanks to my Derpy Hooves t-shirt and my half-Jewish side that is always on the look-out for an opportunity to negotiate a price, I was able to return to Alaska with my Britten-Norman for only $160,000! A savings of 15 G's! Boo-yah!
But anyways, I've had the new bird home for a couple of weeks now, crawling over it, inspecting it, working on it, lavishing it. But I have yet to take her out on a madien voyage! I plan on it, I just want to get a few little things fixed that are cosmetic really and hopefully this weekend I will take her out into the Alaskan wilderness!
Plus, I'm waiting for the quote on my new paint job to come in. So far, I'm figuring a could buy a Hyundai for what it's going to cost to put Ponies on the sides....(Is seriously reconsidering making the Alaskan Pony Express)
So yeah, I'm getting hounded to take the plane out for a ride. And I'm eager to do so, but I of course made the mistake of telling Nicole that "I wanted to wait until the Cessna wore out before I used the Britten. Because I want to keep the new plane nice until the old one wears out."
Well, that did it. I knew I should not have said that. Because I have a horrible problem, neurosis probably, that makes me not use anything new until the old thing i have is completely worn out and useless. I do it with boots, clothes, appliances, even my old Range Rover. I just have this worry that if I buy something new and use it right away...all the usefullness will be ruined too quickly. It's so weird, i know. But I just can't help it. I love to get a lifetime of use out of things. Just ask the '88 Range Rover sitting next to the garage. I know if i can find a new engine for it...
So, she pretty much put it down that we were going flying this weekend and next week i was going to start using it for work as well. She didn't travel all the way to Arizona to buy an ornament that stays inside of a hangar, constantly being cleaned and inspected.
Can't argue with that...so I'm going flying this weekend...
Speaking of Nicole being the anchor of reason in my life...
She also commented on me over the weekend that i look horrible.
Which is true. I am so ungodly groutesque with these eyes and wicked Jew nose that i have no idea why I'm allowed in public...then you all wonder why i never pose for pictures. No one needs to see the Alaskan CryptKeeper...
So anyways, we were driving up to Fairbanks because she had a few things to do at the Uni and we decided to make a day out of it. She had been looking at me when she said that and I asked what she meant by it.
"You look so thin! It's like you lost 20 pounds or more in the last month!"
"I've been busy," I answered. "The stress of buying the plane and work and everything. It cataches up to a person."
"Have you been eating at all?" It was a fair question. My work schedule is still 3 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday with Saturday work occasionally and all my spare time dedicated to the Britten and other projects.
"I have. I've been having my green drink and salads and fruit..."
"That's it?" she asked.
"Pretty much so. So busy and all..."
"How much do you weigh now?" she asked. This was when I knew she had me. My ideal personal weight goal is between 145 and 160. Just to feel healthy and everything. When I stepped on the scale a couple of days ago...i was at 138....
"You're emacioated!" she told me.
"I'm fine!" i reassured her.
"You're taking me out to dinner today...and you'll be eating as well. No if, ans, or buts." That was all that needed to be said. Nicole puts the hammer down and I know she won't change her mind, so I was again wrapped up into doing what was in the long run, good for me.
So, we finish our errands and find a great Italian place to have dinner. She gets a vegetarian lasanga and I break my personal rule on certain foods and order a Taste of Italy sampler that comes with a portion of Chicken Maria, Chicken Cacchitore and Portabella Ravioli.
The food comes out and it really smelled delicious. So I went to start in with the boneless chicken, but I didn't have a knife to cut it with. So I asked the waitress if she could bring me one, and she smiled and went to retreive one.
Just as Nicole and I were talking about how good everything looked and how I felt this was a good idea, our waitress came back and handed me the knife...with her hand around the blade...
Well, that did it for me. My paranoia kicked right in. I took the knife and set it down, away from my plate. Nicole looked up and asked what was wrong.
"I can't use this knife...she touched the blade..."
"Oh for God's sake, Adrik. She's not a diseased bag of germs..."
"I know...she's very pretty. In fact, i would absolutely throw her a free one in the kitchen bent over the sink if she'd let me...but she touched the blade and then i have to use that blade on my food and I don't know where her hands have been..."
"Then just ask for another knife!"
"But what if she gets offended and brings me out another knife that who knows what happened to it? Or what if she had her hands in my food? I mean if she's so careless with a knife who knows what else could be tainted..."
"Can you just eat, Adrik? Stop being so neurotic over things. If you don't want to use your knife..thenm use mine! But we're not leaving until you quit worrying and eat something. This is just nuts. You're lucky I like you so much or else you'd really be a wreck."
She has a point there. For some twisted, unexplainable reason, she does like me and look out for me. Why that is I'll never know. Must be my new alter ego, Cheezy Da BadA$$, Equestria's Number One Gangsta Rap Pony.
Yeah, that must be it.
Anyways, I am trying to get back on more frequently now that life is returning to normal, so expect the usual influx of comments and submissions. And sorry for sharing all my warped problems with you all...I'm sure it's painful to read about someone so messed up about things. Just be grateful you aren't me!
Anyways, I'm back off to the studio to finish work on Cheezy's first studio album, 'Keepin' It Realz In Da Quill Shoppe' soon to be dropping at a record store near you!
Until next time
I'm out!
When Adrik wants fancy salad, Adrik wants FANCY SALAD!
~Adrik
And for good reason. I have been so busy the first couple of months this year that i haven't had time to take the new bird out, let alone do much of anything else. Who would have guessed that buying a new plane (well, new to me at least) would involve so much paperwork, travelling, inspections, tests, reports, reading, paperwork, haggling, phone calls, more travelling, and did I mention paperwork?
But hey, thanks to my Derpy Hooves t-shirt and my half-Jewish side that is always on the look-out for an opportunity to negotiate a price, I was able to return to Alaska with my Britten-Norman for only $160,000! A savings of 15 G's! Boo-yah!
But anyways, I've had the new bird home for a couple of weeks now, crawling over it, inspecting it, working on it, lavishing it. But I have yet to take her out on a madien voyage! I plan on it, I just want to get a few little things fixed that are cosmetic really and hopefully this weekend I will take her out into the Alaskan wilderness!
Plus, I'm waiting for the quote on my new paint job to come in. So far, I'm figuring a could buy a Hyundai for what it's going to cost to put Ponies on the sides....(Is seriously reconsidering making the Alaskan Pony Express)
So yeah, I'm getting hounded to take the plane out for a ride. And I'm eager to do so, but I of course made the mistake of telling Nicole that "I wanted to wait until the Cessna wore out before I used the Britten. Because I want to keep the new plane nice until the old one wears out."
Well, that did it. I knew I should not have said that. Because I have a horrible problem, neurosis probably, that makes me not use anything new until the old thing i have is completely worn out and useless. I do it with boots, clothes, appliances, even my old Range Rover. I just have this worry that if I buy something new and use it right away...all the usefullness will be ruined too quickly. It's so weird, i know. But I just can't help it. I love to get a lifetime of use out of things. Just ask the '88 Range Rover sitting next to the garage. I know if i can find a new engine for it...
So, she pretty much put it down that we were going flying this weekend and next week i was going to start using it for work as well. She didn't travel all the way to Arizona to buy an ornament that stays inside of a hangar, constantly being cleaned and inspected.
Can't argue with that...so I'm going flying this weekend...
Speaking of Nicole being the anchor of reason in my life...
She also commented on me over the weekend that i look horrible.
Which is true. I am so ungodly groutesque with these eyes and wicked Jew nose that i have no idea why I'm allowed in public...then you all wonder why i never pose for pictures. No one needs to see the Alaskan CryptKeeper...
So anyways, we were driving up to Fairbanks because she had a few things to do at the Uni and we decided to make a day out of it. She had been looking at me when she said that and I asked what she meant by it.
"You look so thin! It's like you lost 20 pounds or more in the last month!"
"I've been busy," I answered. "The stress of buying the plane and work and everything. It cataches up to a person."
"Have you been eating at all?" It was a fair question. My work schedule is still 3 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday with Saturday work occasionally and all my spare time dedicated to the Britten and other projects.
"I have. I've been having my green drink and salads and fruit..."
"That's it?" she asked.
"Pretty much so. So busy and all..."
"How much do you weigh now?" she asked. This was when I knew she had me. My ideal personal weight goal is between 145 and 160. Just to feel healthy and everything. When I stepped on the scale a couple of days ago...i was at 138....
"You're emacioated!" she told me.
"I'm fine!" i reassured her.
"You're taking me out to dinner today...and you'll be eating as well. No if, ans, or buts." That was all that needed to be said. Nicole puts the hammer down and I know she won't change her mind, so I was again wrapped up into doing what was in the long run, good for me.
So, we finish our errands and find a great Italian place to have dinner. She gets a vegetarian lasanga and I break my personal rule on certain foods and order a Taste of Italy sampler that comes with a portion of Chicken Maria, Chicken Cacchitore and Portabella Ravioli.
The food comes out and it really smelled delicious. So I went to start in with the boneless chicken, but I didn't have a knife to cut it with. So I asked the waitress if she could bring me one, and she smiled and went to retreive one.
Just as Nicole and I were talking about how good everything looked and how I felt this was a good idea, our waitress came back and handed me the knife...with her hand around the blade...
Well, that did it for me. My paranoia kicked right in. I took the knife and set it down, away from my plate. Nicole looked up and asked what was wrong.
"I can't use this knife...she touched the blade..."
"Oh for God's sake, Adrik. She's not a diseased bag of germs..."
"I know...she's very pretty. In fact, i would absolutely throw her a free one in the kitchen bent over the sink if she'd let me...but she touched the blade and then i have to use that blade on my food and I don't know where her hands have been..."
"Then just ask for another knife!"
"But what if she gets offended and brings me out another knife that who knows what happened to it? Or what if she had her hands in my food? I mean if she's so careless with a knife who knows what else could be tainted..."
"Can you just eat, Adrik? Stop being so neurotic over things. If you don't want to use your knife..thenm use mine! But we're not leaving until you quit worrying and eat something. This is just nuts. You're lucky I like you so much or else you'd really be a wreck."
She has a point there. For some twisted, unexplainable reason, she does like me and look out for me. Why that is I'll never know. Must be my new alter ego, Cheezy Da BadA$$, Equestria's Number One Gangsta Rap Pony.
Yeah, that must be it.
Anyways, I am trying to get back on more frequently now that life is returning to normal, so expect the usual influx of comments and submissions. And sorry for sharing all my warped problems with you all...I'm sure it's painful to read about someone so messed up about things. Just be grateful you aren't me!
Anyways, I'm back off to the studio to finish work on Cheezy's first studio album, 'Keepin' It Realz In Da Quill Shoppe' soon to be dropping at a record store near you!
Until next time
I'm out!
When Adrik wants fancy salad, Adrik wants FANCY SALAD!
~Adrik
Hey! It's Been A Tad Cold Up Here!
General | Posted 14 years agoWhat in the name of Celestia happened to the month of January???
Oh yeah, I both worked and froze my mane and tail and hooves off! XD
What a hectic past few weeks. I think I spent maybe a total of eight days at home in my toasty bed the entire month since New Year's. All the rest was spent sleeping in the Cessna or at aeroports. I've just been that overloaded.
And seeing as how this January was looking like one of Alaska's most brutal, it's no wonder! I haven't seen a temperature above the -20's in four weeks! The last week alone I was between Barrow, Prudhoe and Fairbanks, where the temperature was a light-jacket-only -65 to -40 degrees. So not only did I have to worry about my jillies freezing...I had to worry about EVERYTHING freezing! lol
I am a cold weather fur...no doubt about that. But this cold...on top of the layers and layers of snow we keep getting, has made this one of the harshest winters I can remember. Planes haven't shiut off for more than ten minutes unless inside because of engine freezeup. We had a huge disaster in Nome not being able to get fuel into the town. Anchorage was getting sacked with almost two feet of snow a day!
And you lower 48ers are having mild weather and temps in the 50's! What the heck??? lol
So taht's why you haven't seen yours truely at all this first month of 2012. The weather and work are conspiring to keep me away from your glowing faces. But luckily i made it home this weekend...only to find snow, snow, and more snow to contend with. But I guess we're not the only ones taking the brute hoof of some nasty Windigoes. From what I've heard, Europe seems to be getting some heaping helpings of the wintery blast as well.
You have my sympathies.
So yeah, I've been away for a few weeks. That means I have dozens and dozens of submissions to ctach up on, a few back episodes of MLP: FIM and my Bronyville Podcast to catch up on, and a month's woth of story ideas to get started on and posted. But fear not, no amount of blizzard snow and frigid air can keep Rocko WordScribble from delivering important and warped stories to you, my fellow friends!
Although I will be away this weekend in Arizona, already breaking my New Year's resolution of not doing any travelling. Oh well, it's for an important plane-buying mission! XD (Yay! New wings! Fluttershy Whoo-hoo)
Besides, that resolution was going to be broken in June when I go to the next Bronycon in New York. *shrugs* Can't win em all!
So, just an update taht everything is still in order up here in Alaska. Hope to get a chance to read and comment on all the works that have filled up my in-box. Just take care of yourselves and enjoy this decent weather you all in the lower 48 are soaking in.
Until next time,
For the hundredth time, it's not us! We're not making it snow! It must be the unicorns! They're doing it with their freaky magic!
~Adrik Wolf
Oh yeah, I both worked and froze my mane and tail and hooves off! XD
What a hectic past few weeks. I think I spent maybe a total of eight days at home in my toasty bed the entire month since New Year's. All the rest was spent sleeping in the Cessna or at aeroports. I've just been that overloaded.
And seeing as how this January was looking like one of Alaska's most brutal, it's no wonder! I haven't seen a temperature above the -20's in four weeks! The last week alone I was between Barrow, Prudhoe and Fairbanks, where the temperature was a light-jacket-only -65 to -40 degrees. So not only did I have to worry about my jillies freezing...I had to worry about EVERYTHING freezing! lol
I am a cold weather fur...no doubt about that. But this cold...on top of the layers and layers of snow we keep getting, has made this one of the harshest winters I can remember. Planes haven't shiut off for more than ten minutes unless inside because of engine freezeup. We had a huge disaster in Nome not being able to get fuel into the town. Anchorage was getting sacked with almost two feet of snow a day!
And you lower 48ers are having mild weather and temps in the 50's! What the heck??? lol
So taht's why you haven't seen yours truely at all this first month of 2012. The weather and work are conspiring to keep me away from your glowing faces. But luckily i made it home this weekend...only to find snow, snow, and more snow to contend with. But I guess we're not the only ones taking the brute hoof of some nasty Windigoes. From what I've heard, Europe seems to be getting some heaping helpings of the wintery blast as well.
You have my sympathies.
So yeah, I've been away for a few weeks. That means I have dozens and dozens of submissions to ctach up on, a few back episodes of MLP: FIM and my Bronyville Podcast to catch up on, and a month's woth of story ideas to get started on and posted. But fear not, no amount of blizzard snow and frigid air can keep Rocko WordScribble from delivering important and warped stories to you, my fellow friends!
Although I will be away this weekend in Arizona, already breaking my New Year's resolution of not doing any travelling. Oh well, it's for an important plane-buying mission! XD (Yay! New wings! Fluttershy Whoo-hoo)
Besides, that resolution was going to be broken in June when I go to the next Bronycon in New York. *shrugs* Can't win em all!
So, just an update taht everything is still in order up here in Alaska. Hope to get a chance to read and comment on all the works that have filled up my in-box. Just take care of yourselves and enjoy this decent weather you all in the lower 48 are soaking in.
Until next time,
For the hundredth time, it's not us! We're not making it snow! It must be the unicorns! They're doing it with their freaky magic!
~Adrik Wolf
Epic Look-Back Onto All The Delights Of 2011!
General | Posted 14 years ago2011.
What a year!
So much to talk and reminisce over! The highs. The lows. The sultry bathings by dreamy pleasure coaches who know just the right spots to tickle with their feathery sponges!
What a year indeed. Not only did I get a chance to take my warped mind across the sea to France where I gave myself over to absolute pleasure and roamed the exotic radish garden of sins of the flesh, guided by the willing hands of a French Oil Boy, but I also had some face time with filmmaking as I spent time in an Alaskan dreamland surrounded by strapping young Eskimos who were eager to help with all the heavy lifting.
But there were other significant events of 2011! I was lucky enough to get raped by a Penn State football coach, got to save the life of a baby bunny, spend a few days with a pyschopathic evil clown who has a knack for woodcarving, enjoyed some breastmilk, survived a hoax that predicted the world was going to end in May, tore out all the walls of the cabin, finally met the sponser-child I've been paying for since 2004, got into a head-to-head competition against some dildoes for my mother's love, and...hmm what else?
Oh yes. The list continues. 2011 was the year that I fell in love with candy-coloured Ponies! Yes, a show designed for girls under the age of ten was able to sneak its hooves into my life and completely wipe away my past fursona of a mighty Timberwolf in only a few short months! Now there's Pony shirts, Pony pictures, Pony posters, Pony decals on the Rover, Pony stories, Pony screensavers, and soon a two-prop plane painted with caracatures of these smiling, friendship-inducing Ponies!
So was 2011 good for me?
Let's see. Made a low-budget movie. Bought some cocaine for a Sponser Child. Bought a tombstone for a friend as a Christmas gift. Got a decent amount of writing done. Saved a life. Got raped many times over by many different people. And discovered that all my life was missing was the friendship and harmony and magic that only six flash-animation Ponies can bring. (oh and all the background Ponies as well. Don't want to forget Derpy! LOL)
I would say 2011 turned out pretty damn good! I got raped alot and didn't have a repeat of vision loss! Boo-yah!
And so, on this New Year's Eve, as my last journal for 2011, I would just like to wish all of my friends here on FA a great and hopeful start to 2012. Who knows what this new year will bring us, but hopefully we can make it someone decent and enjoy each other's company.
And I can guarantee you all that i will continue to be as bizarre and unusual as I have been since coming here in 2007!
Happy New Year, Everyone! See you all in 2012!
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE THIS NEW YEAR'S EVE...CAUSE 2012 IS GOING TO BE MAGICAL!
BEST WISHES
~Adrik
What a year!
So much to talk and reminisce over! The highs. The lows. The sultry bathings by dreamy pleasure coaches who know just the right spots to tickle with their feathery sponges!
What a year indeed. Not only did I get a chance to take my warped mind across the sea to France where I gave myself over to absolute pleasure and roamed the exotic radish garden of sins of the flesh, guided by the willing hands of a French Oil Boy, but I also had some face time with filmmaking as I spent time in an Alaskan dreamland surrounded by strapping young Eskimos who were eager to help with all the heavy lifting.
But there were other significant events of 2011! I was lucky enough to get raped by a Penn State football coach, got to save the life of a baby bunny, spend a few days with a pyschopathic evil clown who has a knack for woodcarving, enjoyed some breastmilk, survived a hoax that predicted the world was going to end in May, tore out all the walls of the cabin, finally met the sponser-child I've been paying for since 2004, got into a head-to-head competition against some dildoes for my mother's love, and...hmm what else?
Oh yes. The list continues. 2011 was the year that I fell in love with candy-coloured Ponies! Yes, a show designed for girls under the age of ten was able to sneak its hooves into my life and completely wipe away my past fursona of a mighty Timberwolf in only a few short months! Now there's Pony shirts, Pony pictures, Pony posters, Pony decals on the Rover, Pony stories, Pony screensavers, and soon a two-prop plane painted with caracatures of these smiling, friendship-inducing Ponies!
So was 2011 good for me?
Let's see. Made a low-budget movie. Bought some cocaine for a Sponser Child. Bought a tombstone for a friend as a Christmas gift. Got a decent amount of writing done. Saved a life. Got raped many times over by many different people. And discovered that all my life was missing was the friendship and harmony and magic that only six flash-animation Ponies can bring. (oh and all the background Ponies as well. Don't want to forget Derpy! LOL)
I would say 2011 turned out pretty damn good! I got raped alot and didn't have a repeat of vision loss! Boo-yah!
And so, on this New Year's Eve, as my last journal for 2011, I would just like to wish all of my friends here on FA a great and hopeful start to 2012. Who knows what this new year will bring us, but hopefully we can make it someone decent and enjoy each other's company.
And I can guarantee you all that i will continue to be as bizarre and unusual as I have been since coming here in 2007!
Happy New Year, Everyone! See you all in 2012!
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE THIS NEW YEAR'S EVE...CAUSE 2012 IS GOING TO BE MAGICAL!
BEST WISHES
~Adrik
Merry Christmas Everypony!!!!
General | Posted 14 years agoAnd Merry Christmas to every Furry too!
And to all my fellow self-proclaimed half-Jews....You know what comes next...*evil look and dramatic music*
Yes, it is I, Adrik Wolf, finally getting a Christmas where I can wish all of my friends and acquaintances here on FA a very Merry Christmas! Most of the time I'm too busy to give a proper holiday greeting, but this year with a house full of family and friends (17 at last count) I found time to slink away and hide myself in the den to get away from the mayhem.
I may be a Brony now, but I still need my space and do horrible in large crowds!
So, while I am sending out my Christmas cheer, I thought maybe I'd also brighten your spirits with a few links to some truely warped and twisted Christmas songs that will be playing on my record player Christmas morning. Hopefully these sweet tones will put a smile on your face and drive out the annoying Christmas songs you've been stuck hearing for the last two months! (I know if I hear 'Christmas Wrapping' by The Waitresses one more time, I'm going to remove my brain with a concrete saw!)
What follows is a list of song title, the artist, and the link where it can be played over and over again! Enjoy!
1.) I Wanna Rock You Hard This Christmas- The Dan Band: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npia90yAUZE
2.) Santa Loves You- William H Nutsack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3a_a4tbNYI
3.) I’ve Got A Boner For Christmas- Nerf Herder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feu5e5dRojI&ob=av2e
4.) Here Comes Fatty Claus- Rudolph & The Gang: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dASQ5YNw-Yk
5.) Fuck Christmas - Eric Idle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqfZUX5svCg
6.) Cold Blooded Christmas - Jon Lajoie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23cjXModWpA
7.) Merry Fucking Christmas - Those Dreaded Gnats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XpImXOoXtc
8.) Fuck Christmas - Fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zgol2NQhlM
9.) Merry Fucking Christmas - Denis Leary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP4-7VQV42k
10.) Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!- Red Peters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR3EiIO22GQ
And in case those Christmas stocking stuffers don't bring a demented smile to your face, or you just might need an emergency Christmas lift that only 1980's Pop music duo Darryl Hall and John Oates can quench...then you need to ring up the Emergency Hall & Oates Helpline at the following number:
719-266-2837
Yes. This is an ACTUAL number with an ACTUAL British woman giving you an emergency influx of four Hall & Oates songs for your holiday glooms. I am not joking on this.
I myself perfer listening to 'Maneater'...it really gets me through those rough patches between now and the New Year. XD (It's #03 on your touchpad)
They also offer the great songs 'One on One', 'Rich Girl' and 'Private Eyes'.
Perfect. Just what we needed to get us through these trying times. Thank you Hall & Oates. An Emergency hotline to your songs was exactly what was missing in my life. *Fluttershy YAY*
Okay, enough Christmas cheer from me. I've got a houseful of guests and a bottle of Pennslyvania Dutch Eggnog (With tasty rum, brandy, whisky, and dairy cream!) that my parents brought up waiting on the counter for me.
So to everyone here on FA, have a great and joyous Christmas Day and I will see you all after the break!
Best Wishes,
~Adrik & Nicole Wolf.
And to all my fellow self-proclaimed half-Jews....You know what comes next...*evil look and dramatic music*
Yes, it is I, Adrik Wolf, finally getting a Christmas where I can wish all of my friends and acquaintances here on FA a very Merry Christmas! Most of the time I'm too busy to give a proper holiday greeting, but this year with a house full of family and friends (17 at last count) I found time to slink away and hide myself in the den to get away from the mayhem.
I may be a Brony now, but I still need my space and do horrible in large crowds!
So, while I am sending out my Christmas cheer, I thought maybe I'd also brighten your spirits with a few links to some truely warped and twisted Christmas songs that will be playing on my record player Christmas morning. Hopefully these sweet tones will put a smile on your face and drive out the annoying Christmas songs you've been stuck hearing for the last two months! (I know if I hear 'Christmas Wrapping' by The Waitresses one more time, I'm going to remove my brain with a concrete saw!)
What follows is a list of song title, the artist, and the link where it can be played over and over again! Enjoy!
1.) I Wanna Rock You Hard This Christmas- The Dan Band: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npia90yAUZE
2.) Santa Loves You- William H Nutsack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3a_a4tbNYI
3.) I’ve Got A Boner For Christmas- Nerf Herder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feu5e5dRojI&ob=av2e
4.) Here Comes Fatty Claus- Rudolph & The Gang: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dASQ5YNw-Yk
5.) Fuck Christmas - Eric Idle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqfZUX5svCg
6.) Cold Blooded Christmas - Jon Lajoie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23cjXModWpA
7.) Merry Fucking Christmas - Those Dreaded Gnats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XpImXOoXtc
8.) Fuck Christmas - Fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zgol2NQhlM
9.) Merry Fucking Christmas - Denis Leary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP4-7VQV42k
10.) Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!- Red Peters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR3EiIO22GQ
And in case those Christmas stocking stuffers don't bring a demented smile to your face, or you just might need an emergency Christmas lift that only 1980's Pop music duo Darryl Hall and John Oates can quench...then you need to ring up the Emergency Hall & Oates Helpline at the following number:
719-266-2837
Yes. This is an ACTUAL number with an ACTUAL British woman giving you an emergency influx of four Hall & Oates songs for your holiday glooms. I am not joking on this.
I myself perfer listening to 'Maneater'...it really gets me through those rough patches between now and the New Year. XD (It's #03 on your touchpad)
They also offer the great songs 'One on One', 'Rich Girl' and 'Private Eyes'.
Perfect. Just what we needed to get us through these trying times. Thank you Hall & Oates. An Emergency hotline to your songs was exactly what was missing in my life. *Fluttershy YAY*
Okay, enough Christmas cheer from me. I've got a houseful of guests and a bottle of Pennslyvania Dutch Eggnog (With tasty rum, brandy, whisky, and dairy cream!) that my parents brought up waiting on the counter for me.
So to everyone here on FA, have a great and joyous Christmas Day and I will see you all after the break!
Best Wishes,
~Adrik & Nicole Wolf.
Epically Morbid Gift Exchange Time!
General | Posted 14 years agoSo, it was a couple of Saturdays ago, and there I was, looking at aviation classifieds on my iPad2 for a new twin prop aero, the relaxing sounds of my 'Come Dancing with The Kinks' album filling the living room, and everything right with the world when the telephone rang.
Now, being so close to Christmas and Hanukkah, I expected the phone call to be from my mother. (Which I was absolutely dreading. They have done nothing but call everyday since leaving on 28/Nov to remind me that they would be back up on the 22nd. EVERY DAY! Now you know why I've been working 3a to 5p at the aeroport. Let them talk to the voicemail!)
So I pause 'Father Time' on the sound system and glance at the caller ID. Much to my delight, it's a Maine area code and a phone call from Maine only means one thing!
"Mr. Aaron!" I exclaim happily.
"What's up Brony?" asks my friend from college who I last saw in person in 2007 when we took our 'Incredibly Pointless Journey' from Montana to Chicago in a $400 Mercedes just for the sake of doing it. Since then it's been email and phone calls for contact.
We quickly exchanged greetings and news, and he told me much to my delight that he was planning on hitting up Missoula for the holidays and wanted to know if I would be present and accounted for.
"Negative," I replied. "I'm done travelling for the year. Got a bunch of people coming up here this year."
"Then I guess I better stop on in as well."
"Absolutely!" I reply, my mind already counting off the number of friends and family that will be coming and going between now and until after New Year's. "We'll find a place for you to crash."
"Sweetness. We doing Warped Christmas Exchange?" he asked me in a serious voice.
"Oh you know we are!" I don't even hesitate answering.
Now, perhaps I should inform you of this interesting little tradition the two of us have had with each other since we first met in college back in 2004. Mr. Aaron, who is just as warped and twisted as yours truely, (We once drove 250 miles across Montana to buy a Weimaraner puppy because Mr. Aaron wanted one. Despite the fact we had classes the next day. Thank goodness for Rooster Booster energy drinks!) first suggested the idea and we continued the tradition until going our seperate ways to start our lives. The basis of the Warped Christmas Exchange are very simple. Each of us buys the other a gift, trying to make ours the more twisted, unusual, or just plain odder than the other's.
Some past Christmas treats include:
-a pair of toilet scrub brushes from a gas station
-a bashed, scuffed, untuned grand piano purchased at a moving sale for $25.00 and then lovingly lugged up the three flights of stairs to our apartment and set up in the living room
-$100.00 worth of Dollar Store bubble bath (Yes, that's 100 bottles of bubble bath that turned out to be unexpectedly decent and made actual bubbles when added to water!)
-2 grainbags filled with hair collected from all the barber shops and PetsMart grooming centre in Missoula
My mind already churning, knowing full well that Mr. Aaron's would be doing the same, we talked for about an hour more before saying our goodbyes and setting upon our scheming, each hoping to outdo the other for Warped Christmas Exchange.
For inspiration, I went outside to the quinzhee for deep meditation, where I sang songs of ancient Warped Christmas Exchanges past and rubbed magical healing iceicles on my body. I also treated my skin to a good lotioning and the quinzhee was kept nice and toasty by my self gratification.
After many hours of lotioning, I finally had the perfect Warped gift! I ran inside and set upon making the needed phone calls. I didn't tell anyone else what my grand idea was! To spoil the surprise was against the rules! No outsiders were to ever know the gifts exchanged until Christmas Day!
Well, today the gift was finally ready and I picked it up. It's a lot heavier than i expected, given it's size and everything, but it's truely an original idea and Mr. Aaron will surely be surprised! Then i realised I couldn't move it safely by myself! This was going to require the assistance of an outside party! Bending the rules only slightly, I backed the Landie up to the deck and went in to ask for help.
"Nicole?' I asked my loving fiancee as she was at the stove, steaming a helping of clams and vegetables. "Can you help me get something out of the Rover real quick?"
"What did you buy this time?" she asked, rolling her eyes and giving me that look of someone who knows that her life is about to go down that Adrik Weirdness Road again.
"Oh, nothing much. Just a block of stone."
"A block of stone?" Intrigue. I was sure to get the help I needed now!
"Just a simple block of stone." I reassured her.
"A block of stone for what?" she asked. "Does it have something to do with My Little Pony?"
"No, not this time. Just come help me."
So after a brief period of haggling, Nicole finally put dinner on the simmer and helped my bring the heavy stone into the house and we set it under the Christmas tree, where it looked unidentifiable underneath the blanket covering it.
"Okay," she said. "What is that?"
"I can't tell you. It's for Warped Christmas Exchange."
"Oh just let me see! I'm not playing your little game with you and Aaron. I just want to see what you've been up too."
"Okay...just promise you won't tell."
"Yeah yeah. Let's see it."
So off came the blanket. And Nicole just stared. And stared. Then shook her head. Then more staring. Then another head shake.
"Yeah. You're totally warped. I declare you this year's winner."
"You think so?' I asked.
"Absolutely. How many people buy their friend a tombstone for Christmas?"
There. the secret's out. The most twisted idea I could come up for my friend's gift was a tombstone. And It's a very nice tombstone. Shiny grey stone. Probably weighs about two hundred pounds. The front of it reads:
Mr. Aaron Mancuso
Aug. 27th 1986 to________
"He Once Drove 250 Miles For a Puppy"
In the glow of the Christmas lights it looks positively morbid.
I'm sure to win this year! *Evil cackle*
Now I just wonder what he got me....
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Now, being so close to Christmas and Hanukkah, I expected the phone call to be from my mother. (Which I was absolutely dreading. They have done nothing but call everyday since leaving on 28/Nov to remind me that they would be back up on the 22nd. EVERY DAY! Now you know why I've been working 3a to 5p at the aeroport. Let them talk to the voicemail!)
So I pause 'Father Time' on the sound system and glance at the caller ID. Much to my delight, it's a Maine area code and a phone call from Maine only means one thing!
"Mr. Aaron!" I exclaim happily.
"What's up Brony?" asks my friend from college who I last saw in person in 2007 when we took our 'Incredibly Pointless Journey' from Montana to Chicago in a $400 Mercedes just for the sake of doing it. Since then it's been email and phone calls for contact.
We quickly exchanged greetings and news, and he told me much to my delight that he was planning on hitting up Missoula for the holidays and wanted to know if I would be present and accounted for.
"Negative," I replied. "I'm done travelling for the year. Got a bunch of people coming up here this year."
"Then I guess I better stop on in as well."
"Absolutely!" I reply, my mind already counting off the number of friends and family that will be coming and going between now and until after New Year's. "We'll find a place for you to crash."
"Sweetness. We doing Warped Christmas Exchange?" he asked me in a serious voice.
"Oh you know we are!" I don't even hesitate answering.
Now, perhaps I should inform you of this interesting little tradition the two of us have had with each other since we first met in college back in 2004. Mr. Aaron, who is just as warped and twisted as yours truely, (We once drove 250 miles across Montana to buy a Weimaraner puppy because Mr. Aaron wanted one. Despite the fact we had classes the next day. Thank goodness for Rooster Booster energy drinks!) first suggested the idea and we continued the tradition until going our seperate ways to start our lives. The basis of the Warped Christmas Exchange are very simple. Each of us buys the other a gift, trying to make ours the more twisted, unusual, or just plain odder than the other's.
Some past Christmas treats include:
-a pair of toilet scrub brushes from a gas station
-a bashed, scuffed, untuned grand piano purchased at a moving sale for $25.00 and then lovingly lugged up the three flights of stairs to our apartment and set up in the living room
-$100.00 worth of Dollar Store bubble bath (Yes, that's 100 bottles of bubble bath that turned out to be unexpectedly decent and made actual bubbles when added to water!)
-2 grainbags filled with hair collected from all the barber shops and PetsMart grooming centre in Missoula
My mind already churning, knowing full well that Mr. Aaron's would be doing the same, we talked for about an hour more before saying our goodbyes and setting upon our scheming, each hoping to outdo the other for Warped Christmas Exchange.
For inspiration, I went outside to the quinzhee for deep meditation, where I sang songs of ancient Warped Christmas Exchanges past and rubbed magical healing iceicles on my body. I also treated my skin to a good lotioning and the quinzhee was kept nice and toasty by my self gratification.
After many hours of lotioning, I finally had the perfect Warped gift! I ran inside and set upon making the needed phone calls. I didn't tell anyone else what my grand idea was! To spoil the surprise was against the rules! No outsiders were to ever know the gifts exchanged until Christmas Day!
Well, today the gift was finally ready and I picked it up. It's a lot heavier than i expected, given it's size and everything, but it's truely an original idea and Mr. Aaron will surely be surprised! Then i realised I couldn't move it safely by myself! This was going to require the assistance of an outside party! Bending the rules only slightly, I backed the Landie up to the deck and went in to ask for help.
"Nicole?' I asked my loving fiancee as she was at the stove, steaming a helping of clams and vegetables. "Can you help me get something out of the Rover real quick?"
"What did you buy this time?" she asked, rolling her eyes and giving me that look of someone who knows that her life is about to go down that Adrik Weirdness Road again.
"Oh, nothing much. Just a block of stone."
"A block of stone?" Intrigue. I was sure to get the help I needed now!
"Just a simple block of stone." I reassured her.
"A block of stone for what?" she asked. "Does it have something to do with My Little Pony?"
"No, not this time. Just come help me."
So after a brief period of haggling, Nicole finally put dinner on the simmer and helped my bring the heavy stone into the house and we set it under the Christmas tree, where it looked unidentifiable underneath the blanket covering it.
"Okay," she said. "What is that?"
"I can't tell you. It's for Warped Christmas Exchange."
"Oh just let me see! I'm not playing your little game with you and Aaron. I just want to see what you've been up too."
"Okay...just promise you won't tell."
"Yeah yeah. Let's see it."
So off came the blanket. And Nicole just stared. And stared. Then shook her head. Then more staring. Then another head shake.
"Yeah. You're totally warped. I declare you this year's winner."
"You think so?' I asked.
"Absolutely. How many people buy their friend a tombstone for Christmas?"
There. the secret's out. The most twisted idea I could come up for my friend's gift was a tombstone. And It's a very nice tombstone. Shiny grey stone. Probably weighs about two hundred pounds. The front of it reads:
Mr. Aaron Mancuso
Aug. 27th 1986 to________
"He Once Drove 250 Miles For a Puppy"
In the glow of the Christmas lights it looks positively morbid.
I'm sure to win this year! *Evil cackle*
Now I just wonder what he got me....
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
And Now A Letter I'd Like To Share With You All...
General | Posted 14 years agoGreetings Everypony!
Bear with me as I slough through this journal. I just got home from a 3am til 5pm flight shift and since I've been working this schedule for the past few weeks, It's safe to say that exhaustion is catching up to me. (The winter is always the busiest time up here and if I want to put away the money for a newer plane, I gotta work my paws to the bone.)
Anyways, I found this letter in my email tonight and after reading it several time, decided to post it online here to see if anyone wanted to leave any feedback or opinions on it. I'm guessing that more than a few of you are also aware of this 'Stop Online Piracy Act' bill that has been running rampant and throwing millions of internet lovers into a froth. What follows is an email sent to me from Alaska's illustrious Representative Don Young.
Or at least a form letter with my name inserted in the heading and mass-emailed out by a congessional page that had some off-time from bath house duty. Either way, I find it interesting that anyone in Washington cares enough to send a Pony like me, who wants to be left alone by any and all government agencies whenever possible, a response to an email and petition I sent. More commentary after the break:
Dear Adrik,
Thank you for contacting me regarding H.R. 3261, the Stop Online Piracy Act. I appreciate having the benefit of your thoughts.
On October 26, 2011, Representative Lamar Smith (R-TX) introduced H.R. 3261 to ensure that owners of copyrighted content and the Department of Justice (DOJ) have the ability to take action against "rogue" websites in other countries that allow the unauthorized distribution of intellectual property, especially movies and music, produced in the United States. Specifically, this bill would enable owners of copyrighted material and the DOJ to pressure "intermediaries" in this country — Internet service providers, search engines, advertising providers and payment services — that do business with them.
As introduced, the language of H.R. 3261 entitles the DOJ to seek court orders to require advertising services, search engines, Internet service providers, and payment services — such as Mastercard, Visa, and PayPal — to stop doing business with foreign sites seen as "infringing" on copyrights. The DOJ could also require Internet service providers to block access to sites seen as abetting copyright infringement, creating a Web blacklist. Additionally, H.R. 3261 seeks to protect manufacturers of pharmaceuticals and other goods and services who see knockoff versions of their products advertised on such sites.
Thus far, H.R, 3261 has been extremely controversial and has generated alarm on both sides of the political spectrum. Opponents of this bill believe that it is so loosely worded it could threaten many U.S. websites, especially social media sites such as Facebook and YouTube. To stay in business, opponents contend that such sites would have to more closely police content posted by millions of users every day. Moreover, they point out that H.R. 3261 gives the government overly broad power to punish Web-related companies and could potentially chill innovation among Internet-related start-ups. One large issue with H.R. 3261 is that the owners of the copyrighted material would not have to go to court first in order to shut down or block a "rogue" website. Rather, they could simply allege to payment and ad services that certain sites are "dedicated to theft of U.S. property," and the payment and ad services would have five days to cut off service to them.
However, proponents of H.R. 3261 say the bill is badly needed to address rampant copyright infringements, which are estimated to play a role in 25 percent of Internet traffic. In fact, according to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, copyright infringement costs the U.S. economy at least $135 billion a year. This loss has significantly hurt an already unstable and underperforming job market in the U.S. Overall, advocates contend that H.R. 3261 is simply intended to deal with potential copyright thieves on a case-by-case basis.
While I agree with the overarching goal of H.R. 3261, namely to stop online piracy, and believe that it is well-intentioned, I do acknowledge that it has some flaws. However, the legislative process, in both the House and Senate, allows for amendments to help correct and mitigate some of these flaws. Currently, H.R. 3261 has been referred to the House Committee on the Judiciary and preliminary hearings have been held. While I am not a member of this committee, please know that I will keep your thoughts and concerns in mind should this legislation reach the House floor for a vote.
Once again, thank you for expressing your views on this issue. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to sign up for my e-newsletter at http://donyoung.house.gov/IMA/issue_subscribe.htm and my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RepDonYoung. Doing so will allow me to provide you with updates on this and other important issues. If I can be of any assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
DON YOUNG
Congressman for All Alaska
(Insert Fluttershy's "Yay!" here) Lucky me. Getting government propaganda emailed back to me. And such amazing numbers! 135 billion dollars a year lost! Rogue pirates running amok! Knock off prescriptions! A weblink to Don Young's e-letter!
Am I the only one that thinks it's a little underhanded to sneak in a link to Mr. Young's YouTube channel in an email that is kinda promoting the downfall of YouTube with this bill?
Look, I've said it before and I will say it again. I am neither a right-wing loon nor a left-wing loon. I am straight down the middle Independent. I feel strongly about ideals on both the left and right. But I also believe in common sense and realistic solutions. Don't boterme with idiotic Washington doublespeak and smoke and mirrors trickery. (See above letter)
I came across this issue a few weeks ago over on equestriadaily.com where they were running a petition to voice opposition to the above issue. Turns out that YouTube has become a warzone lately with everyone accusng everyone else about stealing and posting stolen content and users having their accounts shut down in the blink of an eye. I don't do much YouTube...unless I'm looking for hidden gems of music or programmes or movies that someone suggests to me...then I'll go and see if I can find a clip or two to see if I like it.
And I like YouTube beause it helps me find forgotten treasures from the past that you just don't find anymore beause no one else plays them. It doesn't matter how many satellite television channels or internet radio channels you have thee's always going to be those los nggets that remind you of your childhood or never even knew existed.
That's where I'm torn. I can see the viewpoint of those who have the shows and music and movies and don't want them to be pirated and distributed all overwithout any recourse. But if you give them all the control to regulate what we can see, all the diversity and excitement of those things you didn't know existed is taken away, locked away inside studio vaults and basements until someone decides to chrge $49.99 for a DVD collection.
(Dont believe me? Check out your televison channels once. You'll see the same rehahed shows and movies recycled and moved around from channel to channel. I have Dish Network and I've never seen such a bland selection...even with what...4, 500 channels? That's when i will go on YouTube and search for old shows or movies or documentaries.
And taht's why the internet is so great.It gets so much information out there. It lets you see programmes from other countries. It lets you see commercials and movies from decades ago. It lets you pick out a certain year and listen to every song that came out! It let's you experience more than any one person's imagination could ever think to create.
Right now, I'm still suck in the middle on this issue, but the more and more I research it and learn about it, the more I'm leaning towards the viewpoint of those in the petition I signed and the comments I emailed to Washington. I don't want to see such a wealth of information taken away just because those with ll the coins won't be able to add another few milio in their Christmas accounts.
Any of you have any thoughts?
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
PS- I'll be posting and commentng tomorrow....I'm just too exhausted to try and get started tonight...Good night everypony!
Bear with me as I slough through this journal. I just got home from a 3am til 5pm flight shift and since I've been working this schedule for the past few weeks, It's safe to say that exhaustion is catching up to me. (The winter is always the busiest time up here and if I want to put away the money for a newer plane, I gotta work my paws to the bone.)
Anyways, I found this letter in my email tonight and after reading it several time, decided to post it online here to see if anyone wanted to leave any feedback or opinions on it. I'm guessing that more than a few of you are also aware of this 'Stop Online Piracy Act' bill that has been running rampant and throwing millions of internet lovers into a froth. What follows is an email sent to me from Alaska's illustrious Representative Don Young.
Or at least a form letter with my name inserted in the heading and mass-emailed out by a congessional page that had some off-time from bath house duty. Either way, I find it interesting that anyone in Washington cares enough to send a Pony like me, who wants to be left alone by any and all government agencies whenever possible, a response to an email and petition I sent. More commentary after the break:
Dear Adrik,
Thank you for contacting me regarding H.R. 3261, the Stop Online Piracy Act. I appreciate having the benefit of your thoughts.
On October 26, 2011, Representative Lamar Smith (R-TX) introduced H.R. 3261 to ensure that owners of copyrighted content and the Department of Justice (DOJ) have the ability to take action against "rogue" websites in other countries that allow the unauthorized distribution of intellectual property, especially movies and music, produced in the United States. Specifically, this bill would enable owners of copyrighted material and the DOJ to pressure "intermediaries" in this country — Internet service providers, search engines, advertising providers and payment services — that do business with them.
As introduced, the language of H.R. 3261 entitles the DOJ to seek court orders to require advertising services, search engines, Internet service providers, and payment services — such as Mastercard, Visa, and PayPal — to stop doing business with foreign sites seen as "infringing" on copyrights. The DOJ could also require Internet service providers to block access to sites seen as abetting copyright infringement, creating a Web blacklist. Additionally, H.R. 3261 seeks to protect manufacturers of pharmaceuticals and other goods and services who see knockoff versions of their products advertised on such sites.
Thus far, H.R, 3261 has been extremely controversial and has generated alarm on both sides of the political spectrum. Opponents of this bill believe that it is so loosely worded it could threaten many U.S. websites, especially social media sites such as Facebook and YouTube. To stay in business, opponents contend that such sites would have to more closely police content posted by millions of users every day. Moreover, they point out that H.R. 3261 gives the government overly broad power to punish Web-related companies and could potentially chill innovation among Internet-related start-ups. One large issue with H.R. 3261 is that the owners of the copyrighted material would not have to go to court first in order to shut down or block a "rogue" website. Rather, they could simply allege to payment and ad services that certain sites are "dedicated to theft of U.S. property," and the payment and ad services would have five days to cut off service to them.
However, proponents of H.R. 3261 say the bill is badly needed to address rampant copyright infringements, which are estimated to play a role in 25 percent of Internet traffic. In fact, according to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, copyright infringement costs the U.S. economy at least $135 billion a year. This loss has significantly hurt an already unstable and underperforming job market in the U.S. Overall, advocates contend that H.R. 3261 is simply intended to deal with potential copyright thieves on a case-by-case basis.
While I agree with the overarching goal of H.R. 3261, namely to stop online piracy, and believe that it is well-intentioned, I do acknowledge that it has some flaws. However, the legislative process, in both the House and Senate, allows for amendments to help correct and mitigate some of these flaws. Currently, H.R. 3261 has been referred to the House Committee on the Judiciary and preliminary hearings have been held. While I am not a member of this committee, please know that I will keep your thoughts and concerns in mind should this legislation reach the House floor for a vote.
Once again, thank you for expressing your views on this issue. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to sign up for my e-newsletter at http://donyoung.house.gov/IMA/issue_subscribe.htm and my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=RepDonYoung. Doing so will allow me to provide you with updates on this and other important issues. If I can be of any assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
DON YOUNG
Congressman for All Alaska
(Insert Fluttershy's "Yay!" here) Lucky me. Getting government propaganda emailed back to me. And such amazing numbers! 135 billion dollars a year lost! Rogue pirates running amok! Knock off prescriptions! A weblink to Don Young's e-letter!
Am I the only one that thinks it's a little underhanded to sneak in a link to Mr. Young's YouTube channel in an email that is kinda promoting the downfall of YouTube with this bill?
Look, I've said it before and I will say it again. I am neither a right-wing loon nor a left-wing loon. I am straight down the middle Independent. I feel strongly about ideals on both the left and right. But I also believe in common sense and realistic solutions. Don't boterme with idiotic Washington doublespeak and smoke and mirrors trickery. (See above letter)
I came across this issue a few weeks ago over on equestriadaily.com where they were running a petition to voice opposition to the above issue. Turns out that YouTube has become a warzone lately with everyone accusng everyone else about stealing and posting stolen content and users having their accounts shut down in the blink of an eye. I don't do much YouTube...unless I'm looking for hidden gems of music or programmes or movies that someone suggests to me...then I'll go and see if I can find a clip or two to see if I like it.
And I like YouTube beause it helps me find forgotten treasures from the past that you just don't find anymore beause no one else plays them. It doesn't matter how many satellite television channels or internet radio channels you have thee's always going to be those los nggets that remind you of your childhood or never even knew existed.
That's where I'm torn. I can see the viewpoint of those who have the shows and music and movies and don't want them to be pirated and distributed all overwithout any recourse. But if you give them all the control to regulate what we can see, all the diversity and excitement of those things you didn't know existed is taken away, locked away inside studio vaults and basements until someone decides to chrge $49.99 for a DVD collection.
(Dont believe me? Check out your televison channels once. You'll see the same rehahed shows and movies recycled and moved around from channel to channel. I have Dish Network and I've never seen such a bland selection...even with what...4, 500 channels? That's when i will go on YouTube and search for old shows or movies or documentaries.
And taht's why the internet is so great.It gets so much information out there. It lets you see programmes from other countries. It lets you see commercials and movies from decades ago. It lets you pick out a certain year and listen to every song that came out! It let's you experience more than any one person's imagination could ever think to create.
Right now, I'm still suck in the middle on this issue, but the more and more I research it and learn about it, the more I'm leaning towards the viewpoint of those in the petition I signed and the comments I emailed to Washington. I don't want to see such a wealth of information taken away just because those with ll the coins won't be able to add another few milio in their Christmas accounts.
Any of you have any thoughts?
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
PS- I'll be posting and commentng tomorrow....I'm just too exhausted to try and get started tonight...Good night everypony!
Epic Plane Time!
General | Posted 14 years agoFirst off, I hope that everyone who celebrates the Thanksgiving holiday ad a very good time, visiting with friends and family and eating lots of turkey and drinking lots of wine!
Nicole and I decided to invite whoever felt like making the trip up North to our house, mainly because I am DONE with travelling for 2011. I'm just so worn-out that i have no desire to climb into a plane, train, sailboat, automobile or sub-atomic destabiliser traction beam.
So, we hosted Thanksgiving here at the ol' Wolf homestead, and much to our surprise we got a pretty decent crowd. My parents, grandparents, and cousins arrived, as did Nicole's grandparents and sister. We also had friends stop in throughout the day and into the weekend, so I got my fill of social contact to last me well into the summer of '12.
And yes, I actually broke down and ate turkey (free-range of course, picked out by Nicole), mashed potatoes, several different vegetables, and pumpkin soup! And then i spoiled myself and had a slice of pumpkin pie to finish off the holiday. (Sorry, I'm so paranoid about processed and hormone-induced foods mking me sick or affecting my sight that I have become the world's most neurotic eater)
But the holiday went great and after everyone left, I treated myself to building a quinzhee in the backyard.
Now for those of you in the unknown, a quinzhee is like an igloo, except you don't use blocks of ice. It's pretty much a hollowed-out snowpile that you crawl inside of and can then photgraph wildlife, or mediatate, or get really really stoned in.
So I was in the quinzhee, thinking about the end of the year and everything that I wanted to do for the upcoming year, when I had a thought that maybe it was time to upgrade my plane. My medical certification for my pilot's license is due at the end of January and so i thought I'd boost up my flying appeal by investing in a newer, more up-to-date bird.
So, this week I started the search for a new set of wings. Since I've pretty much been describing what I'm looking for in the pictures I've been posting, I won't go into repetition again in this journal. Pretty much I want something newer, larger, and more surface area on the fuselage to have Ponies painted on the outside. Anmd yes, i know it will be silly in a few years when the Pony fad wears out...but come on! How many MLP-themed planes are you going to see? There's always the option to repaint down the line. But I doubt I will. LOL
So, that's the main thing happening right now. I'm on the quest for planes! And please don't remind me how expensive they are, yada yada. I already know. That's why I'm hoping for a good trade-in value for my '71 Cessna. Cause Daddy isn't dropping a half-mil on a new plane. Not in this lifetime!
In other news, we're getting ready for Christmas now, both in decorations and me on the writing front. I've got a few ideas for stories on the drawing board...now it's just the matter of getting the time to write them.
And yes, I know I need to finish 'Ponygeist'...I'm just at a roadblock with it at the moment. But give me a few days ad I'll overcome it and have it done. Plus I've got two more Pony-themed tales in the pipeline and a couple of 'Prompts' and a 'The Hell' to finish off the year with. *Hooves crossed*
Also, I got mentioned on Episode 32 of the Bronyville podcast! They totally butchered my name...but oh well! I was still mentioned! Which is totally awesome and every Pony fan needs to go over to their website or iTunes and subscribe for free and give them all your love and friendship!
Along that line as well, I am starting to contribute works to both Equestriadaily.com and Derpyhooves.com, so there may be material on those sites that i don't post on here. But I'm not sure how I'll do it yet. I'll probably just end up having the main works on FA and then any special projects on those two sites. *Shrugs* But we'll see.
That's all for now, I guess. I'm back off to the quinzhee for more mediatation!
Until next time...
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Nicole and I decided to invite whoever felt like making the trip up North to our house, mainly because I am DONE with travelling for 2011. I'm just so worn-out that i have no desire to climb into a plane, train, sailboat, automobile or sub-atomic destabiliser traction beam.
So, we hosted Thanksgiving here at the ol' Wolf homestead, and much to our surprise we got a pretty decent crowd. My parents, grandparents, and cousins arrived, as did Nicole's grandparents and sister. We also had friends stop in throughout the day and into the weekend, so I got my fill of social contact to last me well into the summer of '12.
And yes, I actually broke down and ate turkey (free-range of course, picked out by Nicole), mashed potatoes, several different vegetables, and pumpkin soup! And then i spoiled myself and had a slice of pumpkin pie to finish off the holiday. (Sorry, I'm so paranoid about processed and hormone-induced foods mking me sick or affecting my sight that I have become the world's most neurotic eater)
But the holiday went great and after everyone left, I treated myself to building a quinzhee in the backyard.
Now for those of you in the unknown, a quinzhee is like an igloo, except you don't use blocks of ice. It's pretty much a hollowed-out snowpile that you crawl inside of and can then photgraph wildlife, or mediatate, or get really really stoned in.
So I was in the quinzhee, thinking about the end of the year and everything that I wanted to do for the upcoming year, when I had a thought that maybe it was time to upgrade my plane. My medical certification for my pilot's license is due at the end of January and so i thought I'd boost up my flying appeal by investing in a newer, more up-to-date bird.
So, this week I started the search for a new set of wings. Since I've pretty much been describing what I'm looking for in the pictures I've been posting, I won't go into repetition again in this journal. Pretty much I want something newer, larger, and more surface area on the fuselage to have Ponies painted on the outside. Anmd yes, i know it will be silly in a few years when the Pony fad wears out...but come on! How many MLP-themed planes are you going to see? There's always the option to repaint down the line. But I doubt I will. LOL
So, that's the main thing happening right now. I'm on the quest for planes! And please don't remind me how expensive they are, yada yada. I already know. That's why I'm hoping for a good trade-in value for my '71 Cessna. Cause Daddy isn't dropping a half-mil on a new plane. Not in this lifetime!
In other news, we're getting ready for Christmas now, both in decorations and me on the writing front. I've got a few ideas for stories on the drawing board...now it's just the matter of getting the time to write them.
And yes, I know I need to finish 'Ponygeist'...I'm just at a roadblock with it at the moment. But give me a few days ad I'll overcome it and have it done. Plus I've got two more Pony-themed tales in the pipeline and a couple of 'Prompts' and a 'The Hell' to finish off the year with. *Hooves crossed*
Also, I got mentioned on Episode 32 of the Bronyville podcast! They totally butchered my name...but oh well! I was still mentioned! Which is totally awesome and every Pony fan needs to go over to their website or iTunes and subscribe for free and give them all your love and friendship!
Along that line as well, I am starting to contribute works to both Equestriadaily.com and Derpyhooves.com, so there may be material on those sites that i don't post on here. But I'm not sure how I'll do it yet. I'll probably just end up having the main works on FA and then any special projects on those two sites. *Shrugs* But we'll see.
That's all for now, I guess. I'm back off to the quinzhee for more mediatation!
Until next time...
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Adrik Wolf Fondly Retells Steamy Penn State Rape Fantasy
General | Posted 14 years agoPulitzer prize winning author and self proclaimed half-Jew Adrik Wolf recently sat down with the cast of 'The Today Show' on NBC and recounted his sweet, tender Penn State shower molestation that happened completely in the depths of his overactive imagination.
Now, some transcripts of that erotic fantasy:
(PS...don't be afraid to lube yourself up. In fact, Adrik encourages it.)
Let's begin:
"It was about eight years ago," Adrik told a receptive Matt Lauer on Friday. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my headagainst the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers in..."
"Okay, Adrik! That's quite enough!" It was Matt Lauer, obviously unable to handle the sexy scene I was laying out for him. Everyone in the studio was affected, all eyes on the half-Jew sitting on the couch wearing a 'Lucky Penn State Towel Boy' T-shirt.
"We can't tell these kind of tales on national television. I'm, afriad this interview is over!"
Wioth that, Matt Lauer stormed off and I was left there on the couch, unsure of what to do. Luckily, Kathie Lee was only a few feet away and looking pretty good.
"Hey Kathie," I called over. "You look horrible. You know what would make you bangable? A nice hot shower."
So I took Kathie Lee in the showers of NBC Studios and gave her a good once-over, all the time remembering my tender, passionate shower rape with a man that all of the world now hates.
Why does everyone who rapes me end up going on to bigger better things? Oh well, the good news is I think I'll be having a kid to Kathie Lee next year.
Oh, and for some reason I'm not allowed back at NBC...how odd.
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Now, some transcripts of that erotic fantasy:
(PS...don't be afraid to lube yourself up. In fact, Adrik encourages it.)
Let's begin:
"It was about eight years ago," Adrik told a receptive Matt Lauer on Friday. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my headagainst the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers in..."
"Okay, Adrik! That's quite enough!" It was Matt Lauer, obviously unable to handle the sexy scene I was laying out for him. Everyone in the studio was affected, all eyes on the half-Jew sitting on the couch wearing a 'Lucky Penn State Towel Boy' T-shirt.
"We can't tell these kind of tales on national television. I'm, afriad this interview is over!"
Wioth that, Matt Lauer stormed off and I was left there on the couch, unsure of what to do. Luckily, Kathie Lee was only a few feet away and looking pretty good.
"Hey Kathie," I called over. "You look horrible. You know what would make you bangable? A nice hot shower."
So I took Kathie Lee in the showers of NBC Studios and gave her a good once-over, all the time remembering my tender, passionate shower rape with a man that all of the world now hates.
Why does everyone who rapes me end up going on to bigger better things? Oh well, the good news is I think I'll be having a kid to Kathie Lee next year.
Oh, and for some reason I'm not allowed back at NBC...how odd.
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Who Does Adrik Wolf Write Like? Well, That Depends...
General | Posted 14 years agoPony-napped from the stable of 
http://iwl.me/
A very interesting site that allows us writers to go and submit samples of our works for critique and analysis to determine which famous and well-known writers we write like! And I was very surprised by the results!
It turns out each different type of story (or story series) I write brings up a different writer!
For example:
My 'My Little Pony: Ponygeist' series brings up: Dan Brown! (Really? When i write about Ponies, I write like the same guy who brought us 'The Da Vinci Code'? Interesting...
My 'Howl of The Wolf' series brings back: Edgar Allen Poe! (Yes, now we're on the right track. No Stephen King yet..but there's still more stories to analyise!)
What About my 'The Hell?' series?: Cory Doctorow? I thought this said Cory DoctorWHO at first. Either way...I'm a little lost. So some research was in order! Turns out he's a Canadian blogger and author who writes at a site called 'craphound.com How nice. I'm an Alaskan who writes for Furaffinity and Equestria Daily. I guess there's a common thread there somewhere...but still...Canadian...(At least he's not Irish...) Check out his Wikipedia page...he did dress up as a magician to get an award and I would so do that in a heartbeat!)
What about my new 'Crystal Ship' anthology? Survey says: Ursula K. Le Guin
Okay. First off, awesome first name. Adrik---Ursula...different and unusual first names. Good start. Let's explore further!
"First published in the 1960s, her works explore Taoist, anarchist, ethnographic, feminist, queer theory, psychological and sociological themes." I'm not going to write the entire Wikipedia page here, you can check it out for yourself if you're so inclined, but the important thing to know is I write like an 80-something year old Feminist. This just keeps getting better...
And finally, let's examine my 'Thursday Prompts': David Foster Wallace. Okay. More research is needed! The findings:
"David Foster Wallace (February 21, 1962 – September 12, 2008) was an American author of novels, essays, and short stories, philosopher, and a professor at Pomona College in Claremont, California. He was widely known for his 1996 novel Infinite Jest, which Time included in its All-Time 100 Greatest Novels list (covering the period 1923–2006).
Los Angeles Times book editor David Ulin called Wallace "one of the most influential and innovative writers of the last 20 years"."
So he becomes one of the most influential writers of the last twenty years and he hangs himself? That's very noble. And seeing as I turn 27 next year and yearn to be a memeber of the 27 Club (Famous musicians, writers, actors, etc who all died at age 27) I think I may be on to something here. Write a great My Little Pony piece and then end it all at the height of my success!
That or stick around and be a feminist. Either way.
So if you're a writer, check this little tool out. It's kinda neat to see who you actually write like! I know I was surprised!
Until Next Time:
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
http://iwl.me/
A very interesting site that allows us writers to go and submit samples of our works for critique and analysis to determine which famous and well-known writers we write like! And I was very surprised by the results!
It turns out each different type of story (or story series) I write brings up a different writer!
For example:
My 'My Little Pony: Ponygeist' series brings up: Dan Brown! (Really? When i write about Ponies, I write like the same guy who brought us 'The Da Vinci Code'? Interesting...
My 'Howl of The Wolf' series brings back: Edgar Allen Poe! (Yes, now we're on the right track. No Stephen King yet..but there's still more stories to analyise!)
What About my 'The Hell?' series?: Cory Doctorow? I thought this said Cory DoctorWHO at first. Either way...I'm a little lost. So some research was in order! Turns out he's a Canadian blogger and author who writes at a site called 'craphound.com How nice. I'm an Alaskan who writes for Furaffinity and Equestria Daily. I guess there's a common thread there somewhere...but still...Canadian...(At least he's not Irish...) Check out his Wikipedia page...he did dress up as a magician to get an award and I would so do that in a heartbeat!)
What about my new 'Crystal Ship' anthology? Survey says: Ursula K. Le Guin
Okay. First off, awesome first name. Adrik---Ursula...different and unusual first names. Good start. Let's explore further!
"First published in the 1960s, her works explore Taoist, anarchist, ethnographic, feminist, queer theory, psychological and sociological themes." I'm not going to write the entire Wikipedia page here, you can check it out for yourself if you're so inclined, but the important thing to know is I write like an 80-something year old Feminist. This just keeps getting better...
And finally, let's examine my 'Thursday Prompts': David Foster Wallace. Okay. More research is needed! The findings:
"David Foster Wallace (February 21, 1962 – September 12, 2008) was an American author of novels, essays, and short stories, philosopher, and a professor at Pomona College in Claremont, California. He was widely known for his 1996 novel Infinite Jest, which Time included in its All-Time 100 Greatest Novels list (covering the period 1923–2006).
Los Angeles Times book editor David Ulin called Wallace "one of the most influential and innovative writers of the last 20 years"."
So he becomes one of the most influential writers of the last twenty years and he hangs himself? That's very noble. And seeing as I turn 27 next year and yearn to be a memeber of the 27 Club (Famous musicians, writers, actors, etc who all died at age 27) I think I may be on to something here. Write a great My Little Pony piece and then end it all at the height of my success!
That or stick around and be a feminist. Either way.
So if you're a writer, check this little tool out. It's kinda neat to see who you actually write like! I know I was surprised!
Until Next Time:
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Epic Calendar Time!
General | Posted 14 years agoWhat an interesting turn of events!
2012 will be the first year in my...I'd say 20-year history (I wasn't buying calendars until I was five or six...so let's just call it twenty years of calendar-buying excellence) that I will NOT have a wolf calendar hanging on my wall!
That's right. Since 1991 I have had full-sized, beautifully photographed pictures of stunningly gorgeous Arctic, Timber, Black, and yes, even Red Wolves adourning the walls of my bedroom or den or wherever I happened to be hibernating at the time, telling me what month and year it was. And taht great tradition of Wolf calendars has served me well for all those years and given me great pictures to frame and decorate my walls.
But today, the friendly UPS driver named Lainth arrived and changed all of that...for that lone brown-uniform-sporting chap with his electronic clipboard and silly hat, that last bastion of postal transit that delivers all that is good and holy to the brave few who choose to live at the farthest reaches of habitable territory known to furkind, delivered unto me.....*dramatic pause*
*still dramatic pausing*
MY 2012 MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC 16-MONTH CALENDAR!
Better call Twilight Sparkle...cause it's about to get magical up in here.
Along with my awesome calendar with it's many pages of Pony awesomeness, which is scientifically proven to be 20% cooler than any other bitch calendar in existence, I was treated to another box containing FOUR more sweet Pony shirts to add to my collection of unusual clothing wear, and a few super-duper-kuper MLP:FiM posters from that San Diego comicon thingie that are going to be framed and ready for hanging...
Which brings me back to my conundrum from last week:
Where am I going to put all this awesome stuff?
Solution: Drink an extra-large glass of Rainbow Juice, cram down a couple of Baked Bads, and start clearing a wall in the den for a haven of ultimate friendship!
So, that means a few Wolf pictures, my world map, some awards and certificates from various writing magazines and newspapers I've submitted to, and some collectible Matchbox die-cast cars will have to come down to make room for all the new Pony trinkets. But i'm going to leave my giant illuminated Wolf mirror up for now. Until I find an equally cool MLP replacement mirror on eBay or Toys R Us.com or somewhere...
We're gonna need another Winter Wrap-up by the time all this redecorating is done! (Speaking of which...it's been snowing all week! Glee!)
So, while you're sitting at home...crying like a little bitch...I'm here with these beautiful Ponies!
So tell me...have I gone overboard with this MLP addiction...or is this normal behaviour for me?
Until next time...
~Adrik
2012 will be the first year in my...I'd say 20-year history (I wasn't buying calendars until I was five or six...so let's just call it twenty years of calendar-buying excellence) that I will NOT have a wolf calendar hanging on my wall!
That's right. Since 1991 I have had full-sized, beautifully photographed pictures of stunningly gorgeous Arctic, Timber, Black, and yes, even Red Wolves adourning the walls of my bedroom or den or wherever I happened to be hibernating at the time, telling me what month and year it was. And taht great tradition of Wolf calendars has served me well for all those years and given me great pictures to frame and decorate my walls.
But today, the friendly UPS driver named Lainth arrived and changed all of that...for that lone brown-uniform-sporting chap with his electronic clipboard and silly hat, that last bastion of postal transit that delivers all that is good and holy to the brave few who choose to live at the farthest reaches of habitable territory known to furkind, delivered unto me.....*dramatic pause*
*still dramatic pausing*
MY 2012 MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC 16-MONTH CALENDAR!
Better call Twilight Sparkle...cause it's about to get magical up in here.
Along with my awesome calendar with it's many pages of Pony awesomeness, which is scientifically proven to be 20% cooler than any other bitch calendar in existence, I was treated to another box containing FOUR more sweet Pony shirts to add to my collection of unusual clothing wear, and a few super-duper-kuper MLP:FiM posters from that San Diego comicon thingie that are going to be framed and ready for hanging...
Which brings me back to my conundrum from last week:
Where am I going to put all this awesome stuff?
Solution: Drink an extra-large glass of Rainbow Juice, cram down a couple of Baked Bads, and start clearing a wall in the den for a haven of ultimate friendship!
So, that means a few Wolf pictures, my world map, some awards and certificates from various writing magazines and newspapers I've submitted to, and some collectible Matchbox die-cast cars will have to come down to make room for all the new Pony trinkets. But i'm going to leave my giant illuminated Wolf mirror up for now. Until I find an equally cool MLP replacement mirror on eBay or Toys R Us.com or somewhere...
We're gonna need another Winter Wrap-up by the time all this redecorating is done! (Speaking of which...it's been snowing all week! Glee!)
So, while you're sitting at home...crying like a little bitch...I'm here with these beautiful Ponies!
So tell me...have I gone overboard with this MLP addiction...or is this normal behaviour for me?
Until next time...
~Adrik
