FA+
Shop
A vent on why I don't like drawling sometimes
Posted 4 days agoFrom Bluesky
Sometimes I feel like a fraud when it takes me bloody 3 hours to draw a fucking face of a character I've drawn a billion times. Then lose all will to draw again cause I can't find the time to take 20 hours on bloody simple drawling that not going to be even recognized.
Sometimes I feel like a fraud when it takes me bloody 3 hours to draw a fucking face of a character I've drawn a billion times. Then lose all will to draw again cause I can't find the time to take 20 hours on bloody simple drawling that not going to be even recognized.
What a waste of a year this was.
Posted a month agoBirthday today and all I feel is miserable and a fuck up. Meh, not surprised I suppose.
So I made my move to Bluesky for now
Posted 8 months agohttps://bsky.app/profile/aldenskunky.bsky.social
Gonna uh try the Bluesky thing, I don't really care if I don't get much traction here. It's atleast somewhere else to post art other then here. Which I'll still post here, it's up to the ban hammers will if I stay here or not.
Gonna uh try the Bluesky thing, I don't really care if I don't get much traction here. It's atleast somewhere else to post art other then here. Which I'll still post here, it's up to the ban hammers will if I stay here or not.
Okay, It's time I officially start posting to Inkbunny
Posted 10 months agoI Haven't posted anything yet... cause I'm too lazy atm. But I'll be officially abandoning this site for art posting due to the shaky ground I have here... bout time the staff showed some guts and told us the cold reality of things... reminding a lot of why I left DA... censorship yay. Though not QUITE as bad...
Since I don't care to delete art, I am surprised I haven't gotten suspended yet and It'll be best you watch me at Inkbunny before I suddenly dissappear. I will only be bothering reposting art from around 2023-late 2022 era or higher... or basically like anything around when I did the Elfilin Mania stuff
So if you REALLY want to see my crappy work from back then still. Either download them now or dm message me for a link to a google drive archieve of my previous work up till the Sophie Pikachu drawlings.
Here is my Inkbunny which needs a massive makeover in the future cause it'a gonna be my new home now.
https://inkbunny.net/Aldenskunky
(Also if your worried about you know... I recommend you get a trusted vpn and or start just using Tor at this point. It's a pain but it's just the way the internet is going nowadays.)
Since I don't care to delete art, I am surprised I haven't gotten suspended yet and It'll be best you watch me at Inkbunny before I suddenly dissappear. I will only be bothering reposting art from around 2023-late 2022 era or higher... or basically like anything around when I did the Elfilin Mania stuff
So if you REALLY want to see my crappy work from back then still. Either download them now or dm message me for a link to a google drive archieve of my previous work up till the Sophie Pikachu drawlings.
Here is my Inkbunny which needs a massive makeover in the future cause it'a gonna be my new home now.
https://inkbunny.net/Aldenskunky
(Also if your worried about you know... I recommend you get a trusted vpn and or start just using Tor at this point. It's a pain but it's just the way the internet is going nowadays.)
Slowly getting back to things.
Posted 11 months agoHey! So I haven't really been drawing much due to school kinda draining all my energy and poor time management...
So I deeply apologize for those who been waiting to commission me. With all that said I'm gonna focus on working on my projects and the 1 comm I've been working on slowly first and if I'm in the mood for more comms then I'll start telling people again... just give me time >w<'
Also with huh... current FA events, If you see me get banned. I'll be moving to Inkbunny which I have made an account for but haven't posted anything on...(Nor feel like atm) So I poof suddenly for good. Then huh... see me there!
So I deeply apologize for those who been waiting to commission me. With all that said I'm gonna focus on working on my projects and the 1 comm I've been working on slowly first and if I'm in the mood for more comms then I'll start telling people again... just give me time >w<'
Also with huh... current FA events, If you see me get banned. I'll be moving to Inkbunny which I have made an account for but haven't posted anything on...(Nor feel like atm) So I poof suddenly for good. Then huh... see me there!
Birthday Skunk Here
Posted a year agoNow I wish everyone to go potty in your pamps now!! >w<.
Also I know uploads been slow, been rather busy and or sickly lately and I had not gotten much time on my art as I would like.
Also I know uploads been slow, been rather busy and or sickly lately and I had not gotten much time on my art as I would like.
Sorry about my upload frequency
Posted a year agoI like to appologize regarding to how little I've been uploading stuff and I hate myself for it. But the reasoning behind it had mostly been health issues.
See for a long time I never really had a proper area to draw, usually forcing me to shrimp and stand in very awekard poses for long periods of time. Usually this either causes me to get distracted or due to the huge array of stupid health stuff would cause my nerves to go into shock resulting me feeling very ill for a few days. Usually costing me a day off my job to recover. I have a history of back, neck and nerve issues and drawling always seems to make all those issues much worse.
This results to me not enjoying drawling, in fact usually dreading it despite liking the end result. Another is mental health and the sorts being a potentical issue. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted due to my job being either beyond stupid or boring. I just don't wanna be productive(usually these are the days I usually feel a bit better cause go figure...)
So this month I've been taking action to get a table set up to finally draw with. Waiting on a tablet stand to deliver at this moment. Hopefully by keeping my posture in good position I can atleast reduce the pain of drawling and start actually enjoying it again.
Other stuff is that once I'm finished with the drawlings that I've started on. I plan on abadoning my crappy old computer for good and getting Sai as my drawling program of choice for my new much better computer. This would help alot with performances and wait times when saving progress.(Sometimes can take 30 seconds to save and it adds up.)
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth. As it is currently, drawling makes me feel misurable due to my health issues and I can only hope I can figure out something to reduce the issues. Again I'm sorry and I hopefully I can try to stop being so lazy when I lose excuses to not do anything productive...
See for a long time I never really had a proper area to draw, usually forcing me to shrimp and stand in very awekard poses for long periods of time. Usually this either causes me to get distracted or due to the huge array of stupid health stuff would cause my nerves to go into shock resulting me feeling very ill for a few days. Usually costing me a day off my job to recover. I have a history of back, neck and nerve issues and drawling always seems to make all those issues much worse.
This results to me not enjoying drawling, in fact usually dreading it despite liking the end result. Another is mental health and the sorts being a potentical issue. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted due to my job being either beyond stupid or boring. I just don't wanna be productive(usually these are the days I usually feel a bit better cause go figure...)
So this month I've been taking action to get a table set up to finally draw with. Waiting on a tablet stand to deliver at this moment. Hopefully by keeping my posture in good position I can atleast reduce the pain of drawling and start actually enjoying it again.
Other stuff is that once I'm finished with the drawlings that I've started on. I plan on abadoning my crappy old computer for good and getting Sai as my drawling program of choice for my new much better computer. This would help alot with performances and wait times when saving progress.(Sometimes can take 30 seconds to save and it adds up.)
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth. As it is currently, drawling makes me feel misurable due to my health issues and I can only hope I can figure out something to reduce the issues. Again I'm sorry and I hopefully I can try to stop being so lazy when I lose excuses to not do anything productive...
It's been long enough ^^
Posted 2 years agoHihi, been a bit again.
So I decided to finally start posting here again! Starting today!
While not all my WIP's are finished. I feel I've made a enough pics to warrant a proper grand return.
Just hoping that all the pics I post will be fine is all lol.
(So a decent size art dump is overdue heh)
So I decided to finally start posting here again! Starting today!
While not all my WIP's are finished. I feel I've made a enough pics to warrant a proper grand return.
Just hoping that all the pics I post will be fine is all lol.
(So a decent size art dump is overdue heh)
Hihi, no worries I'm not gone!
Posted 2 years agoJust wanted to state that I'm not leaving or anything and that I'm still around. But there is a few small things to address.
One is that while I have some drawlings finished I want to post them all after all my WIP's are finished. Which there is a few.
Second after the whole FA situation, I've been a bit shy of posting anything here still... but granted they have yet to send me any warnings or bans about the Pokemon stuff. I guess that means it's okay now again? So I guess I'll post my drawlings here still after all.
Third... motivation been a bitch so they have been going SLOOOOOOOW...
That is all, have a nice day.
One is that while I have some drawlings finished I want to post them all after all my WIP's are finished. Which there is a few.
Second after the whole FA situation, I've been a bit shy of posting anything here still... but granted they have yet to send me any warnings or bans about the Pokemon stuff. I guess that means it's okay now again? So I guess I'll post my drawlings here still after all.
Third... motivation been a bitch so they have been going SLOOOOOOOW...
That is all, have a nice day.
Today is my birthday!
Posted 2 years agoNow time to eat a bunch of cake, and blooooort it in my pamps! >w<.
Important! For those who which to see my old art.
Posted 2 years agoAs you are aware, I've prepared for the worse and thus have made a google drive Archive of my artwork~
I can't say this enough, but I thank everyone who watched and supported my art over the years. It's sad it came to this, but again I won't be gone entirely. (May be even here still for a bit if FA isn't ban happy after July
The link is here https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....u6?usp=sharing
(I will NOT be republishing any of this art, but expect new art maybe sometime soon?)
(Well except one teehee) (You see I shared a few pics I've never published before on here so have fun finding them.)
I can't say this enough, but I thank everyone who watched and supported my art over the years. It's sad it came to this, but again I won't be gone entirely. (May be even here still for a bit if FA isn't ban happy after July
The link is here https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....u6?usp=sharing
(I will NOT be republishing any of this art, but expect new art maybe sometime soon?)
(Well except one teehee) (You see I shared a few pics I've never published before on here so have fun finding them.)
So, about the FA policy...
Posted 2 years agoYeah a tad late for the party on this. However, that is mostly because I unsure what I shall do still, when my fan content gets eventually flagged bit by bit. I ensure you that the Azurill pic from recent probably at least breaks the term of service lol.
I'm not scared persay and for how pity it is. I do understand that FA must remove any possible notion of having 'unsafe' porn content in order to remain mainstream and accessible for every furry. (keep in mind some of this stuff on the site can be illegal in some countries).
So here is the two options.
1 I immediately make an Inkbunny account near the end of the month and move on from here once FA smacks me down.
Or 2, I make a SMALL (18+ only) discord server to archive my work and wait for a better alternative.
Both of these options will still have me post art work here until I'm banned or atleast suspended.
Though if I really do think I would wanna still stay for good after being suspended.
There is a high chance that I will only post adult O.C art (owned by others or not) (Cause giving my style and character choice. I may end up triggering stuff in the policy.)
Like VI from bug fables apparently being 17 as said by the devs for example or Penny being possibly underaged. Wierd technicalities yeah. Oh yeah rip anything Tail's and Amy I had in mind lol even though they can easiliy be aged up to an extent while they look like there normal selfs instead of the adult models folks use for 3d stuff.
As it stands, I'll continue (albiet slowly) to draw as I've grown to love my artwork. Even if I may lose possible momentum once this policy on my Birthday month passes.
Thank you for your support and while I do still have most of digital art in my storage.
If you guys really want to perserve the old art. (Especially the *gasp* awful traditional ones...) (I will maybe archive art from 2021 and above on my google drive. Basically when I drew that pic of Deltarune chapter 2 when it came out. Anything else, good luck~)
I'm not scared persay and for how pity it is. I do understand that FA must remove any possible notion of having 'unsafe' porn content in order to remain mainstream and accessible for every furry. (keep in mind some of this stuff on the site can be illegal in some countries).
So here is the two options.
1 I immediately make an Inkbunny account near the end of the month and move on from here once FA smacks me down.
Or 2, I make a SMALL (18+ only) discord server to archive my work and wait for a better alternative.
Both of these options will still have me post art work here until I'm banned or atleast suspended.
Though if I really do think I would wanna still stay for good after being suspended.
There is a high chance that I will only post adult O.C art (owned by others or not) (Cause giving my style and character choice. I may end up triggering stuff in the policy.)
Like VI from bug fables apparently being 17 as said by the devs for example or Penny being possibly underaged. Wierd technicalities yeah. Oh yeah rip anything Tail's and Amy I had in mind lol even though they can easiliy be aged up to an extent while they look like there normal selfs instead of the adult models folks use for 3d stuff.
As it stands, I'll continue (albiet slowly) to draw as I've grown to love my artwork. Even if I may lose possible momentum once this policy on my Birthday month passes.
Thank you for your support and while I do still have most of digital art in my storage.
If you guys really want to perserve the old art. (Especially the *gasp* awful traditional ones...) (I will maybe archive art from 2021 and above on my google drive. Basically when I drew that pic of Deltarune chapter 2 when it came out. Anything else, good luck~)
Sketch Winners
Posted 2 years agoSince I took every entry literally.
I rolled
Pokemon
Kirby
(The more likely ones since they both had like 4)
But surprisingly Klonoa also won!
Haven't drawn from that series yet.
I'll be trying to draw different characters I haven't drawn yet.
I also will be picking a character from this series. It'll be a cute surprise.
Well Klonoa will be pretty obvious lol.
Sorry about those who didn't make it, I might try it again next time ^^
I rolled
Pokemon
Kirby
(The more likely ones since they both had like 4)
But surprisingly Klonoa also won!
Haven't drawn from that series yet.
I'll be trying to draw different characters I haven't drawn yet.
I also will be picking a character from this series. It'll be a cute surprise.
Well Klonoa will be pretty obvious lol.
Sorry about those who didn't make it, I might try it again next time ^^
Need a bit of motivation to draw again so... (Closed)
Posted 2 years agoSo, here's a little game~
Here's the rules.
You name a video game series
(Should probably be one with a cute character in it)
and comment below.
Just the game series
I.E
Mario, Kirby, Hollowknight, ect
I'll roll for 3 series
And what get's picked, I'll pick a character or 2 from it and make a drawling of my choice.
(I have so many ideas to draw I can't prioritize them so this might help.)
(Also characters I've already drawn within the past year will not be drawn again to help with varity.)
So have fun and I'll disable the comments in about 48 hours from now ^^)
Here's the rules.
You name a video game series
(Should probably be one with a cute character in it)
and comment below.
Just the game series
I.E
Mario, Kirby, Hollowknight, ect
I'll roll for 3 series
And what get's picked, I'll pick a character or 2 from it and make a drawling of my choice.
(I have so many ideas to draw I can't prioritize them so this might help.)
(Also characters I've already drawn within the past year will not be drawn again to help with varity.)
So have fun and I'll disable the comments in about 48 hours from now ^^)
A bittersweet farewell... for my mom
Posted 2 years agoJanuary 2023, really some year already.
To explain somethings.
Me and my mom unfortunately became rather distant during my Highschool years after a huge falling out. Unfortunately related to me being apart of this community. We said some awful things to eachother and I'll leave it at that.
However, around 10 months ago. I finally tried to make some amends with my Mom. Because she didn't have a lot of time left...
She gotten throat cancer and it quickly spread to the back of her brain.
During these last few months. I would have a few family gatherings and with my sister, give her one personal last dinner together.
My heart however couldn't take the thought of reminding her and forgiving her for what happened all that time ago. I was so focused on keeping my distance, because I didn't want our relationship to break even more then it had...
Then on Friday she was sent to a Hospice. I visited her that same day. She was given till today to live.
My last words... "I forgive you and I love you very much." I would say to her before I left was something I should have said sooooo long ago.
But I couldn't until then... I kept those poisonous grudges... as it hurt me and especially her for so long. I really, truely was a coward, but I understood why I did it. Why it ended up this way.
I had nightmares reminding me of those awful days. All because I refused to confront them until it was nearly too late.
Today my mom passed away.
I don't want to hold grudges anymore...
It hurts too fucking much...
That being said, I learned a bit of myself during that moment too.
While it was my babyfur side which lit the fire to nearly breaking my relationship with my mom.
I don't feel bad about me being a babyfur/abdl. Well... I try not to be anyway.
I've been battling with feeling disgusted with myself being one for a long time. But it's enough.
I will honor and now especially hold nothing but love for my Mom in my heart.
But it doesn't mean I have to change who I am just to appease her either.
I am a PROUD babyfur/abdl and while it was a path that lead to heartbreaks. It also was a path that brought me happiness and more importantly... you guys. Seeing all this cuteness really does bring light to my dark heary in which I carry.
I'm not a bad person...
My MOM isn't a bad person.
I need to just accept there is good in everyone...
I need still a few days to breathe, but trust me.
This isn't a goodbye. I'll be showing you guys my adorable, albiet super kinky art once more. And I'll be proud of it.
Thanks to everyone who supported me... you guys are really special. Despite how weird we really are~ but that is why I love you guys.
To explain somethings.
Me and my mom unfortunately became rather distant during my Highschool years after a huge falling out. Unfortunately related to me being apart of this community. We said some awful things to eachother and I'll leave it at that.
However, around 10 months ago. I finally tried to make some amends with my Mom. Because she didn't have a lot of time left...
She gotten throat cancer and it quickly spread to the back of her brain.
During these last few months. I would have a few family gatherings and with my sister, give her one personal last dinner together.
My heart however couldn't take the thought of reminding her and forgiving her for what happened all that time ago. I was so focused on keeping my distance, because I didn't want our relationship to break even more then it had...
Then on Friday she was sent to a Hospice. I visited her that same day. She was given till today to live.
My last words... "I forgive you and I love you very much." I would say to her before I left was something I should have said sooooo long ago.
But I couldn't until then... I kept those poisonous grudges... as it hurt me and especially her for so long. I really, truely was a coward, but I understood why I did it. Why it ended up this way.
I had nightmares reminding me of those awful days. All because I refused to confront them until it was nearly too late.
Today my mom passed away.
I don't want to hold grudges anymore...
It hurts too fucking much...
That being said, I learned a bit of myself during that moment too.
While it was my babyfur side which lit the fire to nearly breaking my relationship with my mom.
I don't feel bad about me being a babyfur/abdl. Well... I try not to be anyway.
I've been battling with feeling disgusted with myself being one for a long time. But it's enough.
I will honor and now especially hold nothing but love for my Mom in my heart.
But it doesn't mean I have to change who I am just to appease her either.
I am a PROUD babyfur/abdl and while it was a path that lead to heartbreaks. It also was a path that brought me happiness and more importantly... you guys. Seeing all this cuteness really does bring light to my dark heary in which I carry.
I'm not a bad person...
My MOM isn't a bad person.
I need to just accept there is good in everyone...
I need still a few days to breathe, but trust me.
This isn't a goodbye. I'll be showing you guys my adorable, albiet super kinky art once more. And I'll be proud of it.
Thanks to everyone who supported me... you guys are really special. Despite how weird we really are~ but that is why I love you guys.
A bittersweet farewell... for my mom
Posted 2 years agoJanuary 2023, really some year already.
To explain somethings.
Me and my mom unfortunately became rather distant during my Highschool years after a huge falling out. Unfortunately related to me being apart of this community. We said some awful things to eachother and I'll leave it at that.
However, around 10 months ago. I finally tried to make some amends with my Mom. Because she didn't have a lot of time left...
She gotten throat cancer and it quickly spread to the back of her brain.
During these last few months. I would have a few family gatherings and with my sister, give her one personal last dinner together.
My heart however couldn't take the thought of reminding her and forgiving her for what happened all that time ago. I was so focused on keeping my distance, because I didn't want our relationship to break even more then it had...
Then on Friday she was sent to a Hospice. I visited her that same day. She was given till today to live.
My last words... "I forgive you and I love you very much." I would say to her before I left was something I should have said sooooo long ago.
But I couldn't until then... I kept those poisonous grudges... as it hurt me and especially her for so long. I really, truely was a coward, but I understood why I did it. Why it ended up this way.
I had nightmares reminding me of those awful days. All because I refused to confront them until it was nearly too late.
Today my mom passed away.
I don't want to hold grudges anymore...
It hurts too fucking much...
That being said, I learned a bit of myself during that moment too.
While it was my babyfur side which lit the fire to nearly breaking my relationship with my mom.
I don't feel bad about me being a babyfur/abdl. Well... I try not to be anyway.
I've been battling with feeling disgusted with myself being one for a long time. But it's enough.
I will honor and now especially hold nothing but love for my Mom in my heart.
But it doesn't mean I have to change who I am just to appease her either.
I am a PROUD babyfur/abdl and while it was a path that lead to heartbreaks. It also was a path that brought me happiness and more importantly... you guys. Seeing all this cuteness really does bring light to my dark heary in which I carry.
I'm not a bad person...
My MOM isn't a bad person.
I need to just accept there is good in everyone...
I need still a few days to breathe, but trust me.
This isn't a goodbye. I'll be showing you guys my adorable, albiet super kinky art once more. And I'll be proud of it.
Thanks to everyone who supported me... you guys are really special. Despite how weird we really are~ but that is why I love you guys.
To explain somethings.
Me and my mom unfortunately became rather distant during my Highschool years after a huge falling out. Unfortunately related to me being apart of this community. We said some awful things to eachother and I'll leave it at that.
However, around 10 months ago. I finally tried to make some amends with my Mom. Because she didn't have a lot of time left...
She gotten throat cancer and it quickly spread to the back of her brain.
During these last few months. I would have a few family gatherings and with my sister, give her one personal last dinner together.
My heart however couldn't take the thought of reminding her and forgiving her for what happened all that time ago. I was so focused on keeping my distance, because I didn't want our relationship to break even more then it had...
Then on Friday she was sent to a Hospice. I visited her that same day. She was given till today to live.
My last words... "I forgive you and I love you very much." I would say to her before I left was something I should have said sooooo long ago.
But I couldn't until then... I kept those poisonous grudges... as it hurt me and especially her for so long. I really, truely was a coward, but I understood why I did it. Why it ended up this way.
I had nightmares reminding me of those awful days. All because I refused to confront them until it was nearly too late.
Today my mom passed away.
I don't want to hold grudges anymore...
It hurts too fucking much...
That being said, I learned a bit of myself during that moment too.
While it was my babyfur side which lit the fire to nearly breaking my relationship with my mom.
I don't feel bad about me being a babyfur/abdl. Well... I try not to be anyway.
I've been battling with feeling disgusted with myself being one for a long time. But it's enough.
I will honor and now especially hold nothing but love for my Mom in my heart.
But it doesn't mean I have to change who I am just to appease her either.
I am a PROUD babyfur/abdl and while it was a path that lead to heartbreaks. It also was a path that brought me happiness and more importantly... you guys. Seeing all this cuteness really does bring light to my dark heary in which I carry.
I'm not a bad person...
My MOM isn't a bad person.
I need to just accept there is good in everyone...
I need still a few days to breathe, but trust me.
This isn't a goodbye. I'll be showing you guys my adorable, albiet super kinky art once more. And I'll be proud of it.
Thanks to everyone who supported me... you guys are really special. Despite how weird we really are~ but that is why I love you guys.
Happy New Year...
Posted 2 years ago2022... a very bizzare year honestly for me.
After a recent mental breakdown just now I feel it's more then important I express how much of a fucking rolling coaster this year was.
To start with some positives, because unlike last year. They were some really good things that did happen this year.
The biggest was that, finally after years of on me knees begging and work. I was granted the fortune of an affordable and mildly safe apartment complex to call 'home'. May be small as shit, but... Like it really is baffling to me to actually have a place to call home... and not a prison disguised as one. It's honestly the single greastest thing to ever happen in my 23 years of living honestly. To finally have a place to actually be able to spread my wings. (By that, wearing diapers around the house and living by my own rules.) That alone can pretty much ensure this was one of the better years in my entire life honestly. The fact that I'm doing 'okay' money wise really is nice too. So I can most likely keep the place for next year too.
Another is that while minor. I've noticed improvements in my creative passions. Drawlings look better and feel consistant. I don't really talk about my music. Music been turning out well too. Been greatful people been mostly supportive of my (Elfilin) obsession as well. (Kirby and the Forgotten Lands GOTW btw) But, he really been my precious beacon of life in this world lately to me and all I wanna do is give him love and more ways then 1 >//< but, that's besides the point.
The fact Pikmin 4 exists... like seriously thanks Nintendo... the ONE good thing beside Kirby this year you did...
But some REAL shit happened this year. Some lows to even rival my worst.
Work been ass lately, hate my fucking job atm and I want to leave.
Health been the worst it's ever been... really feel like I'm gonna die in my 40's at this rate.
One distant but good friend of mine and my brother's killed himself, and my mother (while not close...) got fucking severe mouth cancer. Still a really hard thing to think about due to how 'strange' it feels...
My IRL friend life has been horrid too and he's my only friend in physical proximity I can hang with... so it hits deeper.
I swear half my friends here online have had some real bad shit happen to them. Like dealing with severe depression and or having near death experiences... so that's fucking great... (not really)
On top of it, all the broken promises I made. The animation, the livestreams, my drawlings. Or even the goals I had set for my 'private' stuff? Cancelled, pushed away, and neglected. My work effic is so low it physically disgusts me. My thoughts/dreams harassing me on how much of a damn failure I am... My energy so drained, lifting a pencil for 30 minutes is enough to make me wanna sleep all damn day. My health and my mental energy so screwed... I just can't find the time or ENERGY to do it anymore or to find enjoyment from it.
The one great thing that would have instantly digged me out of the damn ditch I buried myself in, all dulled from the shear amount of rocks sending me back down to the underground.
It'a hard to figure out what to do anymore... I feel so distant, lonely, and a nobody. I know happiness is there, but why do I have climb a damn mountain of issues just to fucking find it?
2023 gonna hit in 3 hours for me and I REALLY have to make things right this year.
To stop wasting away like a corpse...
To feel like I'm doing the work which I feel proud of...
Maybe even feel happy.
I want to catch up to the goals I made rather then keep making new ones I'll never reach. That is my New Years resolution... if that all goes to waste again? I... I don't know anymore.
Probably need to talk to my therapist again, but what will they say? It's funny how simple the solution is... "just do it!" They all say... But for me? Why can't I get the energy to actually do that... like how do people do it?
But that is what a New Year is for right!? To change your life for the better... I just hope I... no I need to do it this year. For my sake...
Thanks for those reading, I know it's a fucking depressing read... but damn it I needed something to vent this out. Beside my own mind for the 200th time this year...
Everyone enjoy your 2023, we all need a little blessing in this horrid world.
After a recent mental breakdown just now I feel it's more then important I express how much of a fucking rolling coaster this year was.
To start with some positives, because unlike last year. They were some really good things that did happen this year.
The biggest was that, finally after years of on me knees begging and work. I was granted the fortune of an affordable and mildly safe apartment complex to call 'home'. May be small as shit, but... Like it really is baffling to me to actually have a place to call home... and not a prison disguised as one. It's honestly the single greastest thing to ever happen in my 23 years of living honestly. To finally have a place to actually be able to spread my wings. (By that, wearing diapers around the house and living by my own rules.) That alone can pretty much ensure this was one of the better years in my entire life honestly. The fact that I'm doing 'okay' money wise really is nice too. So I can most likely keep the place for next year too.
Another is that while minor. I've noticed improvements in my creative passions. Drawlings look better and feel consistant. I don't really talk about my music. Music been turning out well too. Been greatful people been mostly supportive of my (Elfilin) obsession as well. (Kirby and the Forgotten Lands GOTW btw) But, he really been my precious beacon of life in this world lately to me and all I wanna do is give him love and more ways then 1 >//< but, that's besides the point.
The fact Pikmin 4 exists... like seriously thanks Nintendo... the ONE good thing beside Kirby this year you did...
But some REAL shit happened this year. Some lows to even rival my worst.
Work been ass lately, hate my fucking job atm and I want to leave.
Health been the worst it's ever been... really feel like I'm gonna die in my 40's at this rate.
One distant but good friend of mine and my brother's killed himself, and my mother (while not close...) got fucking severe mouth cancer. Still a really hard thing to think about due to how 'strange' it feels...
My IRL friend life has been horrid too and he's my only friend in physical proximity I can hang with... so it hits deeper.
I swear half my friends here online have had some real bad shit happen to them. Like dealing with severe depression and or having near death experiences... so that's fucking great... (not really)
On top of it, all the broken promises I made. The animation, the livestreams, my drawlings. Or even the goals I had set for my 'private' stuff? Cancelled, pushed away, and neglected. My work effic is so low it physically disgusts me. My thoughts/dreams harassing me on how much of a damn failure I am... My energy so drained, lifting a pencil for 30 minutes is enough to make me wanna sleep all damn day. My health and my mental energy so screwed... I just can't find the time or ENERGY to do it anymore or to find enjoyment from it.
The one great thing that would have instantly digged me out of the damn ditch I buried myself in, all dulled from the shear amount of rocks sending me back down to the underground.
It'a hard to figure out what to do anymore... I feel so distant, lonely, and a nobody. I know happiness is there, but why do I have climb a damn mountain of issues just to fucking find it?
2023 gonna hit in 3 hours for me and I REALLY have to make things right this year.
To stop wasting away like a corpse...
To feel like I'm doing the work which I feel proud of...
Maybe even feel happy.
I want to catch up to the goals I made rather then keep making new ones I'll never reach. That is my New Years resolution... if that all goes to waste again? I... I don't know anymore.
Probably need to talk to my therapist again, but what will they say? It's funny how simple the solution is... "just do it!" They all say... But for me? Why can't I get the energy to actually do that... like how do people do it?
But that is what a New Year is for right!? To change your life for the better... I just hope I... no I need to do it this year. For my sake...
Thanks for those reading, I know it's a fucking depressing read... but damn it I needed something to vent this out. Beside my own mind for the 200th time this year...
Everyone enjoy your 2023, we all need a little blessing in this horrid world.
Happy Christmas ^^
Posted 2 years agoHope you all enjoy your Christmas. Have some Chrismas pic planned, but probably won't be released fully till January ^^'
Note to Self
Posted 3 years agoSometimes a craving for fame can lead to stupid last minute ideas.
Next time... DON'T publish a drawling based off a leak as soon as you see it lol....
Next time... DON'T publish a drawling based off a leak as soon as you see it lol....
Finally updated my poorly done profile intro from 2015...
Posted 3 years agoEnough said >w<
Would anyone be interested in me streaming my drawlings?
Posted 3 years agoNeed a better motivation to draw again and I thought. Maybe having a few folks to interact with might be fun.
Maybe might reward free requests for those who watch~
Setting it all up might be another story.
Also I heard of Picarto? Or something like that? Kinda like a sorta private stream for my fans only you know?
My streams would most likely be around 5pm central time. So keep that in mind.
Maybe might reward free requests for those who watch~
Setting it all up might be another story.
Also I heard of Picarto? Or something like that? Kinda like a sorta private stream for my fans only you know?
My streams would most likely be around 5pm central time. So keep that in mind.
Update Again!
Posted 3 years agoSince I got those pics out of my system...
back to work on the big project.
The background for this project really drained me for some reason, but I'll be damned to back away now!
Hopefully I can get this done by early September, but we'll have to see~
back to work on the big project.
The background for this project really drained me for some reason, but I'll be damned to back away now!
Hopefully I can get this done by early September, but we'll have to see~
Birthday Today~
Posted 3 years agoTee hee Blooooortday
What age was I again? 2... 3..?
Oh yeah 23 >w<
What age was I again? 2... 3..?
Oh yeah 23 >w<
Quick update to my special Project! Birthday Also Soon!
Posted 3 years agoSo as you know, I'm working on a special project I've been wanting to do for awhile.
July been a kinda ehh month for me and while I did get some progress done. With the combination of some burnout and annoying health stuff. The project will definitely be taking longer then July to complete.
I had orginally wanted to get a huge part of it done by my Birthday. Which is the 23rd of this month. But, I only truly just gotten started~
No worries though ^^ I'm still slowly chipping away at it and I will complete it hopefully next month.
A game which has taken a lot of my free time has been Hollow Knight lately. So, debating on drawling a few characters pampered from that series. Curious of if you would like to see those before I do the other three characters from that poll awhile back. Let me know in the comments~.
Have a nice day and enjoy the poofy crinkle life >w<.
July been a kinda ehh month for me and while I did get some progress done. With the combination of some burnout and annoying health stuff. The project will definitely be taking longer then July to complete.
I had orginally wanted to get a huge part of it done by my Birthday. Which is the 23rd of this month. But, I only truly just gotten started~
No worries though ^^ I'm still slowly chipping away at it and I will complete it hopefully next month.
A game which has taken a lot of my free time has been Hollow Knight lately. So, debating on drawling a few characters pampered from that series. Curious of if you would like to see those before I do the other three characters from that poll awhile back. Let me know in the comments~.
Have a nice day and enjoy the poofy crinkle life >w<.
Wanna support a friend of mine?
Posted 3 years agoCheck out and support my friend Shin~
He wants to make YCH revolving his idea of berry diapers ^^
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48.....#cid:165899128
He wants to make YCH revolving his idea of berry diapers ^^
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48.....#cid:165899128
