Once again, it's 5 am, one hour more and I'll be up for 24 hrs, this time the place isn't a room, it's a parking lot and the warm bed it's replaced with a leather jacket and a safety Boots, the reason might not be important... But this is a particular lonely and cold night, one of those that make you think on the long and lone walks in the middle of the night, the wind blowing gently and cold, the feeling of the humidity in the air, my headset keeps me away from the highway sounds, but in exchange, gave a lot of feelings that I had burried deep in my mind, life it's always changing and you can't keep saving hard feelings for every one, neither keep those blue thoughts locked in because they will crack open that cage and most of the time, they never come alone
This thoughts blend in perfectly with the weather... I think I need a hug from someone that still care for me, and maybe cry a bit.

And then, when you think everything is fine, everything is going well... Music can be and it's powerful, my whole life has been tied to it and I remember a lot of memories by just the first notes of some songs, from a song that made some buns believe I was mental at the age of 3, my days as a teacher, one of my darkest moments and then, is this one song in particular.

The lyrics are mostly about some British guy getting obsessed with a love that can't be, he started that he can't forget it because he's too much into that person; like many others, I related that song with someone who I'm... Kinda obsessed, but that's a topic for another day, this song also makes me go back to other moments, I had this feline fellow, we talked a lot and eventually we had a friendship strong enough to get drunk, smoke, eat junk and talk about our miserable lifes (miserable in the way of, we have little to no money), we went like this for over 3 years or so. Eventually he or me went into a relationship with out actual BF'S, that's when things went wrong because they one day became enemies and then, one day, I was in a mood of "Everyone is just trying to make a fool of me!", I had an argument that grew into a fight and then, thanks to one of my recurrent psycho problems, sent him to hell.

Fast forward to yesterday, this song came in, over and over again in my playlist and besides the main subject of the song (that itself made me went into an anxiety attack in the middle of a work day), it made me remember those old days when we wasn't bother by nothing, we only knew that the other one need help, and went to him, trying to cheer him out of this depression, going for ice cream and eat it straight from the package, eat instant noodles because it was the only thing we had, drink all night and talk about our life...

I miss those days.

Tuesday, almost 7 pm, I find myself trapped on a traffic jam in the bus from the office, it was another day that I could just have skipped if I could.
Get at the computer, send my entrance mail, getting mad over a dude in the other side of the city, read mail if people I might never meet, repair someone's mesh, listen the by-now same jokes since I ever enter work a year ago, go to eat and had this gigantic screen paying the same soccer game as everyday, more bad jokes (like those that make you want to just walk away), go back to the computer, read other 20+ mails of people that is replying someone else and not you, send the mail saying you're off by today, listen your coworkers saying non senses about you leaving just in time, take off this stupid shirt, climb in the bus and wait, going through the city listening the music loudly as the phone can and wishing to be yelling or howling hard as you can...

I think I should do something with this feelings, trying not to broke a window with someone's body

Went straight to bed after taking dinner, and I saw you, lying on bed, in your deep sleep, just breathing... Didn't helped that I was feeling down, neither a word, no "sleep well honey" or our "love you" before going sleep... Just the silence of the night combined with you breathing and the vibrator for each stroke on the screen of the phone

I guess that's just my mind getting paranoid.

Well, it seems that I was too away from.my FA account... I like to think this happens to everyone, right?

Anyway, it's highly probable that I upload more journals than anything else, because #Can'tdrawanything.

:3