Some of us didn't even know you existed, but for those of us who did, we knew no one had ever, or will ever, be like you. Adios, you crazy screaming genius.

Don Van Vliet 1941-2010

"A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag, is fast and bulbous. Got me?"



A Brief YouTube Beefheart Concert
Big Eyed Beans From Venus / Golden Birdies
The Blimp
Electricity
Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top
Old Fart At Play
The Floppy Boot Stomp / Tropical Hot Dog Night
Pena (Fast And Bulbous)

I've noticed whenever animation or movies are discussed online, certain arguments tend to pop up that revolve around the idea that entire categories of entertainment are either ALL good or ALL bad. There's the 'Anime is so much better!' fallacy. The 'Old movies were so much better!' fallacy (often espoused by movie critics). And one I hear a lot of these days: the 'CGI animation is all crap compared to hand-drawn!' fallacy. <audible eye roll>

The simple truth is, only the best anime tends to get exported. Only the best old movies get remembered. Only the best cel-animated films stand out. There are near infinite amounts of unwatchable crap in all genres and categories of entertainment. You've just never heard of them because they were deservedly forgotten. Along with all of history's failed athletes, shitty sitcoms, awful artists, tone-deaf musicians, and yes, even gut-wrenchingly craptastic operas and ballets.

No media genre is ever universally good or bad. ...Ever! But if you're only ever exposed to the cream of one particular crop, it can sure seem that way. Especially when contrasted with how much suckage you see on screens all around you every day. But here's the big secret: entertainment has always been like this. There's never been a 'golden era' of ANYTHING.

Every grouping of anything follows the bell curve: a handful of utter shit on one side, a vast amount of bland, unoriginal, mediocre stuff in the middle, then another handful of shining gems on the opposite end. The only reason we think that things were ever any better in the past is due to the fog of nostalgia. In fifty years, we'll have people arguing on the neo-internet how much better movies were at the turn of the century, and that this newfangled 4D animation sucks ass compared to good old-fashioned CGI.

I came across this page by accident, but am extremely glad I did. This motherfucker can THINK.
http://www.bidstrup.com/

Specifically, this essay utterly astonished me, and I think it's a good starting point:
http://www.bidstrup.com/great-awful-truths.htm

If nothing else, you'll soon see that my rants are pretty darn short in comparison. ;)

My bro  etherrealty wants to do a question-answering thingy. But he's not getting enough questions! If you know who he is, or just have a bizarre question in mind, go ask him here:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1934316/


EDIT: OMFG, you guys! I just looked at some of the questions you left! You're gonna mess with his head so much!! XD

I was going to post this anyway, but last night Comcast somehow managed to fuxx0r half of Michigan's internet. And now by sheer luck it happens to be a Monday. So here we go again...
~~~~~


Here's a revolutionary idea: Insults are good for you.

Lemme explain this first before you immediately call the funny farm.

A lot of people have told me that I'm too insulting in my rants. That, while they may agree with what I say, the way I say it is far too coarse and angry. While I can understand this, it's always kind of irritated me. And I haven't been entirely sure why for a long time.

Then I thought about my mother. I remember the tantrums she'd throw whenever someone said something to her that she considered insulting. I remember how repulsive it was to see her like this. I remember how, throughout her life, she never learned from any criticism she was ever given. If someone criticized her cooking for instance, instead of listening to the critique, she'd take it as an insult and yell a lot. Whether a statement was true or not didn't matter; it only mattered how it made her feel.

And then I thought of my friend Robert. He has an almost-supernatural invulnerability to insults that I greatly admire. I've seen him read through messageboards full of people hurling nothing but hatred at him, and he just shrugs it off. If it's true, he acknowledges it, and if it's false, he laughs. I can't convey how much I wish all of humanity was more like him. How much I wish I was more like him.

For a long time now, I have been trying to see every insult as a chance for me to learn about myself. Whenever we're insulted and it hurts deeply, it's an inescapable fact that it's because some part of us is worried that it might be true.

If you weighed 120 pounds and I called you a grotesque lardass, there are several reactions to this. The person who's secure in their weight will probably just blow me off for talking crazy. (Or be pissed at me for being rude. That's fine too.) But the person who is insecure, who secretly worries that they really are a grotesque lardass, will be deeply hurt. Insults harm us by piercing through our bullshit and poking at our soft, vulnerable fear parts.

I'm fat, and I can be pushy and arrogant. There's no denying that. If someone says to me, "You're a grotesque lardass", my response will likely be, "Yeah, well, that's why I don't take my shirt off very often." If someone points out when I've been pushy and arrogant, I'll feel a lot more insulted, because I hate that part of myself and I try not to be that way. When someone points out that I've failed at keeping that part of me in control, I feel shame. And that shame leads to resentment: 'How dare you point that out'.

There's nothing wrong with feeling that resentment. But if we want to be any better than what we are, we have to feel it, accept it for what it is, and then discard it.

It's like feeling a pang of fear when someone of a different race gets too close to you in public. That, by itself, is not anything to be ashamed of. Human beings are wired for xenophobia. The only problem comes when you take that momentary fear and treat it like a fact.

The danger of insults is when you take that moment of resentment towards the other person for telling the truth, and treat it like they're the real problem, not you.

I want all of you to try and imagine the most insulting thing that anyone could ever say to you. Seriously. Take a few moments and really try. I'll wait.

...

It was something you either fear you already are, or would do anything in the world to not become. Wasn't it?

Now imagine someone saying that very insult at you. What are your possible reactions? You could get angry and throw an insult right back at them. You could turn your nose up at their rudeness and ignore it.

Or you could take a moment to examine it. You could ask yourself some very important questions:

1. Is what they said true?
2. If it's not true, am I angry because I'm afraid it could be true?
3. If it is true, then how can I change?

It's hard to overcome that instinctual burst of anger. But I want to. I want to view every insult I get as am opportunity to improve myself. Because I want to be better. And you can never get better by denying a problem exists. Sometimes it hurts to admit an insult is true. But that's no reason not to. If you deny it, that only increases the chances that the same insult will hurt more the next time you hear it. Every time you deny it, it will increase the shame you feel at lying to yourself.

By the way, I want to clarify that only occasional insults are good for you. Being constantly insulted is bad for you in a lot of ways. People are only just beginning to understand the incredible harm that long-term inescapable bullying can do to someone's brain. So yes, anyone who's in a situation like that should get the hell out in any way they can, and never be afraid to ask for help.

But you can also choose to work towards not letting the insults hurt you. The more you practice, the less they will hurt. Think of it as building armor over your heart. Make it a goal to get to a point where you can respond to insults with, 'You're wrong and rude so I'm ignoring you' or 'Thanks for pointing out where I was wrong. Though you're still rude.'

I want to end with a really great quote from Gloria Stienem that I absolutely love:

"The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off."

 akhetnu I just read two journals that impressed the freakin' heck outta me. This guy is fantastic at presenting his arguments calmly and concisely. I can't tell you how jealous i am that I didn't write the second one.

We are mostly safe in America, so why don't we act like it?

The five types of people in a post-9/11 world

Because I'm sick to death of drama right now, that's why.
~~~~~~~~~~


*That would totally suck if you were blind AND afraid of the dark...

*How not to start a conversation:
'Man, my earwax tasted bad this morning...'

*Q: Why did Howie Mandell break into my house at three in the morning last night and puke in my mouth while I was sleeping?
A: Because I paid him to.

*Two gynecologists are examining Liv Tyler, and one says to the other, 'Dude, looks like a labia.'

*Apostrophes. It's not like they fucking cost money, people.

*I've always wanted a vanity plate that says: I8YRCAT

*Every time I see one of those shirts that say "Pain is just weakness leaving the body", I wanna grab a two-by-four dipped in vinegar and studded with nails and beat the wearer for several weeks while screaming, 'YOU'RE GETTING STRONGER! YOU'RE GETTING STRONGER! YOU'RE GETTING STRONGER!'

*Regarding internet fights: It's not about their response, it's how much fun you have composing yours.

*Just to be able to say I had, I watched an episode of Barney & Friends. All the way through. And I must say, the experience was rather a lot like having handfuls of human shit crammed into your eye sockets.

*Have you heard about the Terry Schaivo memorial bobblehead?
Shake it all you want; that head ain't movin' for shit.

*First guy: Didja hear some big American company's shown an interest in human cloning?
Second guy: Which one?
First guy: Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson.

*[Sign outside of a convention hall]:
National Irony-Fanciers' Convention.
keynote speaker: Silent Bob

*Q: What do they eat their dinner with in Norway?
A: Fjorks.

*FUN FACT: Sean Connery's penis has a little white mustache.

*I have this thing that makes me stutter whenever I get an erection. It's like a nervous tic or something. Anyway, the other day I was walking past a p-p-p-preschool and...

*PICKUP LINES DESIGNED TO CONFUSE
Guy: Do you like having your pussy eaten?
Girl: Sure!
Guy: So do I.

*'The fog rolled in off the bay like a teeming horde of racist dental hygienists.'

*We were driving to Wal-Mart today for teh Christmas shoppings, and on the way we passed Faym-Us Chicken: a tiny restaurant with a locally-beloved six-foot-tall statue of a chicken on their roof. Not a block away was the city police station with a nativity out front. And it hit me how totally awesome it would be if someone stole the Faym-Us chicken, and the Virgin Mary, and swapped them.
And that's all I have to say about Christmas.

*'Oh my god I have to poop so bad!! It's like Darth Vader is punching my butt from the inside!!'

*Q: How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One.

*This year, I resolve to stop wiping my ass with things in the bathroom that are not actually toilet paper. Like towels, washcloths, my pants leg, the cat, and Grandpa.

*Q: Why is the holocaust like a Harry Potter book?
A: They're both fiction!! :D

*It occurs to me that the sentence "Inflation makes balloons go up" can have two different yet equally true meanings.

*I just had a great idea. You know what'd be awesome? Imagine a restaurant where you can order... Are you ready for this? ...A tophat full of nachos. A fucking TOPHAT. Full of NACHOS. Just oozing with cheese from top to bottom. Now, it'd probably be cost-prohibitive to use REAL tophats, but I'm sure they could come up with some kind of fold-out waxed cardboard tophat for containing the nachos. Either way, just imagine pulling up to the drive-through window with your honey on your arm and saying, 'I'd like a goddamned tophat full of nachos, please.' Now that's classy.

*Kalamazoo spelled backwards is Oozamalak. That's pretty damn funny.

Everything about this whole cub porn thing, start-to-finish, has left me feeling drained, cold, frustrated, exasperated and sick. Partly it's because I've been doing so much talking, and gradually realizing how much of it has been pointless. This situation we're in is not about art or pornography or pedophilia or free speech or immorality. It's about MONEY. FA has been dealt a crippling financial blow. So many people are ignoring that fact and returning to the same debates we've always had that will never be resolved. I have only talked to a few people who actually have ideas about what to DO now, either in making suggestions how FA could solve this financial problem or in what to do about their own galleries. Anti-cub people want to celebrate that FA's cleansed of sick pedo porn, and pro-cub people want to hold out hope that maybe things will get better somehow. Neither side is acknowledging reality. This is just one in a LONG SERIES of events demonstrating what shaky ground FA is on. And as much as I acknowledge that the admins are getting shafted here, only ONE person I've talked to has pointed out the obvious: Why didn't the admins make sure beforehand that they weren't doing business with someone who could assrape them this badly!? The admins aren't learning and the users aren't learning either. The issue here is not, 'What will FA censor next?' the issue is, 'How many more bad financial and administrative decisions will be made until this site ceases to exist?'

You are standing on the deck of the Titanic debating about the iceberg instead of running for the lifeboats.

If I leave FA, it won't be because they banned cub porn.

It'll be because I'm fucking tired of this place.


P.S. Please stop telling me not to leave. If you appreciate me and my work, that's wonderful. But it's my decision.

Well, they did it.

Cub porn's banned. Artists have 21 days to clean out their galleries on their own, then the admins'll come in and flush out anything remaining.

And why? Because AlertPay is FA's conduit for donation money. And despite okaying FA's content at first, all of a sudden they changed their mind, stole Dragoneer's money, and told him to GTFO. Cub porn was the big dealbreaker, because Alertpay is a Canadian company, and apparently Canadian legislators are unable to comprehend the difference between a drawing and actual child porn. So AlertPay doesn't wanna risk being associated with us.

From what I have read, right now FA has no way to accept donation money, and they're banning cub porn either as a last-ditch effort to get AlertPay to reconsider, or to woo another money-handling-company-thingy.

It's strange... I should be angry about this, but i'm not. I'm just tired. I'm mildly disappointed, but not really surprised. I've expected this was coming for a long time now.

For once, I don't blame the admins. They're getting buttfucked here. And, barring any revelations that they could have prevented all this, I feel sorry for them.

I only sort of blame AlertPay. I can see why they don't want to risk legal troubles, but all the same, fuck them for basically saying, 'If we decide you're in violation of our policy, we can confiscate all your money'. And apparently they've been doing this a LOT to people. And double-fuck them for being willing to take our filthy furry porn money otherwise, but not when there's any element of risk in it for them.

No, I blame the governments of Canada, the UK and Australia. As much as I bitch about America's hysterical panic over protecting imaginary children (while ignoring the suffering of real ones), at least we have the first amendment. These other governments don't, and so because they can ban certain images and writing, they do. And fuck them. I hope everyone in every one of these governments gets AIDS from a whore. Fuck them for giving into moral outrage and banning things that all science and psychological studies have shown to be completely harmless.

This ban is going to take a big fat chunk out of FA, both in terms of art and artists. The fact of the matter is, FA is a sinking ship. It has been for quite a while, and this really should be seen as all the confirmation anyone could need. There is no good ending here.

I'm not mad about the AUP changing ...but this wouldn't be an Alex Reynard rant without a little rage, now would it?

What I am angry about are the stupid motherfuckers who are celebrating this as a victory.

I went to the forums and read the new AUP policy with a sigh of resignation. Then, immediately, I started seeing posts that were like, "Hooray! I'm happy this happened! Good job, admins!"

You retards. You imbeciles. You pinheaded, mindless, mud-skulled dense fucking subhuman shitheads.

For some people, this is a hallelujah moment. All they see is 'cub porn banned' and that's enough for them. 'Woohoo! I no longer have to see art that offends me!' They don't give a thought to the financial side of this. They don't care that AlertPay has seized thousands of dollars that WE donated to this site. They don't realize that FA is very likely not going to recover from this. They don't care that censorship and fear have won.

All they care about is themselves. 'I got what I want, therefore this is a victory'.

Every last one of these people are beneath contempt. They deserve no respect from anyone. They are selfishness and ignorance incarnate.

And because I'm such a petty bitch, I'm gonna name them for you. :)

These are all the people I saw, in the first ten pages of posts, who either said how happy they were about this situation, or otherwise displayed that all they cared about was 'sick and immoral' images getting banned:
Well, apparently, I'm not allowed to do that. Apparently, listing people names is considered harassment. News to me! So, instead of asking me to cut this section of my journal, an admin removed the original, sent me the text and told me to repost. Now all your comments are gone. Thanks for punishing them instead of me, admins.

I'm sure that naming these people changes absolutely nothing. I'm just feeling so utterly disgusted with this whole situation that I wanna do something pointlessly vindictive. I know I can't make the world's governments grow up and see reason. I know I can't force AlertPay to give the site's money back that they stole. I know I can't force the admins to come up with a solution that doesn't involve carving up the site.

All I can do, all I can ever do, is let you know how I feel about things. I'm a reporter, nothing more. And as much as my rage leaves me feeling sick and burned-out so much of the time, I'd rather feel like this forever than turn into the kind of people I named above. I'd rather scream my hatred into the face of stupid, evil bullshit until I DIE. Because maybe my words might inspire someone who's in a position to actually do something. Or if nothing else, maybe I let other people who are like me know they're not alone in this stupid, evil world.

I don't honestly know if I'll still be on FA by next year. I might not be. Or I might be here just to keep an eye on friends, but I won't contribute. This new AUP is going to gut my gallery, so what reason is there for me to stay? For a long time now, the only real thing that's been keeping me here is the people on this site that I'm honored to call friends.

If I leave, it will be because I can no longer be Alex Reynard for you anymore.



P.S. An idea just occurred to me. Why don't we take all the cub porn that gets deleted from FA... and email it to AlertPay? ;)

Dragoneer didn't delete that last journal; I FUCKING DID.

I got this from Wolfblade:
"I also don't mean for this to sound like serious conspiracy, it ISN'T so PLEASE don't take it as such and start another uprising, just please please please for whatever my judgment is worth to you; sit down. chill out. calm down as many people as you can out of the ones you've kicked into panic mode, and wait. The instant any further details can be given without >putting more people and sites in very real danger< I promise you I will make you the first to know."

I trust his judgment enough to go along with him. I want desperately to understand what the FUCK is going on around here, but if I have to wait, so be it.

Sit down. Chill out. Calm down as many people as you can out of the ones I've kicked into panic mode, and wait.



I want to say one more thing though. I have no problem with keeping calm for the good of the site. If my petition might have harmed the people it was supposed to help, then i would have instantly taken it down by myself. If I'd been told that. Instead, my submission was removed in a way which i felt was both honorless and patronizing. That's not the sort of thing that puts me in a happy mood. But the whole thing was likely caused by bad communication, so fuggit, I'm glad it's over...

I'd done this meme a while ago but never posted it as a journal. Huge thanks to Agouti Rex and Kinky Turtle for doing this recently and adding a lot of new movies and ideas! :D

ANIMATION MEME
- X what you've seen
- O what you haven't finished or saw sizable portions
- Bold what you loved
- Italicize what you disliked/hated
- Underline what you do not want to see
- Leave unchanged if neutral


CLASSIC DISNEY
[x] 101 Dalmatians
[x] Alice in Wonderland
[x] Bambi
[x] Cinderella
[x] Donald In Mathmagic Land
[x] Dumbo
[x] Fantasia
[x] Fun and Fancy Free
[x] The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
[x] Lady and the Tramp
[x] Make Mine Music
[x] Mary Poppins
[x] Peter Pan
[x] Pinocchio
[x] The Reluctant Dragon
[ ] Saludos Amigos
[x] Sleeping Beauty
[o] Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
[o] Song of the South
[x] The Three Caballeros

DISNEY'S IFFY PERIOD
[x] The Aristocats
[x] Bedknobs & Broomsticks
[x] The Black Cauldron
[x] The Fox and the Hound
[x] The Great Mouse Detective
[x] The Jungle Book
[o] The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
[x] Oliver and Company
[x] Pete's Dragon
[x] The Rescuers
[x] Robin Hood
[x] The Sword In The Stone

THE DISNEY RENNAISANCE
[x] Aladdin
[x] Aladdin and the King of Thieves
[x] Beauty and the Beast
[x] Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers: To The Rescue
[x] DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp
[x] A Goofy Movie
[x] Hercules
[x] The Hunchback of Notre Dame
[x] The Lion King
[x] The Little Mermaid
[x] Mulan
[x] Pocahontas
[ ] Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin
[x] The Prince & The Pauper
[x] The Rescuers Down Under
[ ] The Return of Jafar
[x] Super DuckTales
[x] TaleSpin: Plunder and Lightning
[x] Tarzan

DISNEY GOES DOWN THE TUBES
[ ] 101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure
[x] Atlantis: The Lost Empire
[ ] Atlantis: Milo's Return
[x] Bambi 2
[x] Bolt
[ ] Brother Bear
[ ] Brother Bear 2
[ ] Cinderella II: Dreams Come True
[ ] Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
[x] Chicken Little
[x] Dinosaur
[x] The Emperor's New Groove
[ ] An Extremely Goofy Movie
[x] Fantasia 2000
[x] The Fox and the Hound 2
[x] The Heffalump Movie
[x] Home on the Range
[ ] The Hunchback of Notre Dame II
[ ] The Jungle Book 2
[ ] Kim Possible: So The Drama
[ ] Kronk's New Groove
[x] Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure
[x] Leroy & Stitch
[x] Lilo & Stitch
[x] Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch
[x] The Little Mermaid 2
[ ] The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning
[ ] The Princess & The Frog
[x] Meet the Robinsons
[ ] Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers
[x] Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas
[ ] Mulan II
[ ] Piglet's Big Movie
[ ] Recess: School's Out
[ ] Return to Never Land
[o] Tarzan II
[ ] Teacher's Pet
[x] Treasure Planet
[x] The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride
[x] The Lion King 1 1/2
[x] Stitch! The Movie
[ ] The Tigger Movie
[x] Tinkerbell
[x] The Wild

PIXAR
[x] A Bug's Life
[x] Cars
[x] Finding Nemo
[x] The Incredibles
[x] Monsters Inc.
[x] Ratatouille
[x] Toy Story
[x] Toy Story 2
[x] Toy Story 3
[x] Wall-E
[x] Up

WARNER BROTHERS
[ ] Baby Looney Tunes' Eggs-traordinary Adventure
[ ] Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas
[x] Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker
[x] Batman: Gotham Knight
[x] Batman: Mask of Phantasm
[x] Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero
[ ] Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman
[ ] Batman: Under the Red Hood
[ ] The Batman vs. Dracula
[ ] Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales
[x] The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie
[ ] Daffy Duck's Fantastic Island
[x] Daffy Duck's Quackbusters
[x] Cats Don't Dance
[ ] Green Arrow
[ ] Green Lantern: First Flight
[x] The Iron Giant
[ ] Jonah Hex
[ ] Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths
[ ] Justice League: The New Frontier
[ ] The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie
[x] Looney Tunes: Back In Action
[ ] ¡Mucha Lucha!: The Return of El Maléfico
[x] Osmosis Jones
[ ] Quest For Camelot
[x] Space Jam
[ ] The Spectre
[ ] Superman/Batman: Apocalypse
[x] Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
[ ] Superman: Brainiac Attacks
[ ] Superman: Doomsday
[ ] Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam
[ ] Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo
[x] Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation
[x] Tweety's High-Flying Adventure
[ ] Wonder Woman
[x] Wakko's Wish

DON BLUTH
[x] All Dogs Go To Heaven
[x] All Dogs Go To Heaven II
[x] An American Tail
[x] An American Tail 2: Fievel Goes West
[x] An American Tail 3: Treasure Of Manhattan Island
[x] An American Tail 4: Mystery Of The Night Monster
[x] Anastasia
[x] Banjo The Woodpile Cat
[x] Bartok the Magnificent
[x] The Land Before Time
[ ] eight million fucking Land Before Time sequels
[ ] The Pebble and the Penguin
[x] Rock-a-Doodle
[x] The Secret Of NIMH
[x] The Secret of NIMH 2
[ ] Thumbelina
[x] Titan AE
[ ] A Troll in Central Park

STOP MOTION
[0] The Adventures of Mark Twain
[x] The Amazing Mr. Bickford
[x] Chicken Run
[x] Coraline
[x] Corpse Bride
[x] Fantastic Mr. Fox
[ ] Gumby: The Movie
[x] James and the Giant Peach
[ ] Max & Co.
[x] The Nightmare Before Christmas
[o] The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb
[x] Wallace & Gromit: A Grand Day Out
[x] Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers
[x] Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave
[x] Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
[x] Wallace & Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf And Death

PUPPETS
[ ] A Rat's Tale
[x] The Dark Crystal
[x] Follow That Bird
[x] Labyrinth
[x] Meet The Feebles
[x] The Muppet Movie
[x] The Great Muppet Caper
[x] The Muppets Take Manhattan
[x] Muppet Treasure Island
[x] The Muppet Christmas Carol
[x] Muppets In Space
[x] Team America: World Police

DREAMWORKS
[x] Antz
[ ] Bee Movie
[ ] How To Train Your Dragon
[ ] Joseph: King Of Dreams
[ ] Kung Fu Panda
[ ] Madagascar
[ ] Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
[ ] Megamind
[ ] Monsters vs. Aliens
[x] Over the Hedge
[x] The Prince of Egypt
[ ] The Road to El Dorado
[ ] Shark Tale
[x] Shrek
[x] Shrek 2
[x] Shrek The Third
[ ] Shrek Forever After
[ ] Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
[ ] Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

BLUE SKY
[x] Horton Hears A Who
[x] Ice Age
[x] Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
[x] Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs
[x] Robots

NICKELODEON
[ ] Barnyard
[ ] Hey Arnold!: The Movie
[ ] Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
[x] Rugrats The Movie
[x] Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
[ ] Rugrats Go Wild!
[x] The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
[ ] The Wild Thornberrys Movie

COMPUTER ANIMATION
[x] 9
[ ] Aliens In The Attic
[ ] Alpha & Omega
[x] Alvin & The Chipmunks
[x] Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
[x] Astro Boy
[ ] The Ant Bully
[x] Barbie: Swan Lake
[ ] Casper's Scare School
[ ] Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
[ ] Delgo
[ ] Despicable Me
[ ] Everyone's Hero
[x] Flushed Away
[ ] Fly Me to the Moon
[x] G-Force
[x] Garfield Gets Real
[x] Happily N'Ever After
[ ] Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White Another Bite @ the Apple
[ ] Happy Feet
[x] Hoodwinked
[x] Igor
[ ] Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie
[ ] Legend Of The Guardians
[x] The Magic Roundabout
[x] The Mind's Eye
[x] Beyond The Mind's Eye
[x] The Gate To The Mind's Eye
[x] Monster House
[ ] Open Season
[ ] Open Season 2
[ ] The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
[ ] Planet 51
[ ] The Polar Express
[ ] Resident Evil: Degeneration
[ ] Space Chimps
[ ] Star Wars: The Clone Wars
[ ] Surf's Up
[x] The Tale Of Despereaux
[x] TMNT
[x] Valiant

IMPORTS
[ ] Allegro Non Troppo
[ ] El Arca
[x] Arthur And The Minimoys
[ ] Asur & Asmar
[X] The BFG
[x] The Cunning Little Vixen
[ ] Fantastic Planet
[x] Go, Hugo Go
[x] Hugo The Movie Star
[x] Gumnutz
[o] The Last Unicorn
[o] Light Years
[ ] The Little Norse Prince
[x] Macskafogó
[x] Macskafogó 2: The Cat From Hell
[ ] Les Maîtres Du Temps
[x] The Missing Lynx
[ ] The Plague Dogs
[ ] Roadside Romeo
[ ] The Secret of Kells
[o] Titanic: The Animated Movie
[x] The Triplets of Belleville
[ ] Persepolis
[x] Vuk, The Little Fox
[ ] Waltz With Bashir
[o] Watership Down
[ ] When the Wind Blows
[x] Yellow Submarine

STUDIO GHIBLI
[ ] Grave of the Fireflies
[x] Howl's Moving Castle
[x] Kiki's Delivery Service
[x] Laputa: Castle in the Sky
[ ] Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro
[ ] My Neighbors The Yamadas
[x] My Neighbor Totoro
[x] Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
[ ] Only Yesterday
[ ] Pom Poko
[ ] Ponyo
[x] Porco Rosso
[x] Princess Mononoke
[x] Spirited Away
[x] The Cat Returns
[ ] Whisper of the Heart

SATOSHI KON
[ ] Millennium Actress
[x] Paprika
[x] Perfect Blue
[ ] Tokyo Godfathers
[x] Memories

OTHER ANIME
[ ] 5 Centimeters per Second
[x] A Wind Named Amnesia
[ ] Adolescence of Utena
[x] The Adventures Of Manxmouse
[x] Akira
[ ] Appleseed
[ ] Appleseed: Ex Machina
[x] Armitage III: Poly Matrix
[x] Armitage III: Dual Matrix
[ ] Arcadia of My Youth (U.S. Title - Vengeance of the Space Pirate)
[x] Bagi: The Monster Of Mighty Nature
[ ] Barefoot Gen
[x] Cat Soup
[x] Cowboy Bebop: The Movie
[ ] The Dagger of Kamui (U.S. Title - Revenge of the Ninja Warrior)
[ ] Dirty Pair: Project Eden
[ ] End of Evangelion
[ ] Fist of the North Star
[ ] Galaxy Express 999
[x] Ghost in the Shell
[x] Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
[x] The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
[x] A Journey Through Fairyland
[x] Legend Of The Forest
[o] Lensman
[x] Lily C.A.T.
[ ] Macross: Do You Remember Love (U.S. Title - Clash of the Bionoids)
[x] Megazone 23
[ ] Metamorphoses
[x] Osamu Tezuka's Metropolis
[x] Mind Game
[x] Neo-Tokyo
[ ] Nezumi Monotogari
[ ] A Night On The Galactic Railroad
[x] Ninja Scroll
[ ] Patlabor the Movie
[ ] The Place Promised in Our Early Days
[ ] The Professional: Golgo 13
[ ] Project A-ko
[ ] Ringing Bell
[ ] Robot Carnival
[ ] Robotech: The Shadow Chronicle
[ ] The Sea Prince and the Fire Child
[ ] She and Her Cat
[ ] Silent Mobius
[x] Sonic The Hedgehog: The Movie
[ ] Space Adventure Cobra
[x] Steamboy
[ ] Summer Wars
[ ] Sword of the Stranger
[x] Twilight Of The Cockroaches
[x] The Fantastic Adventures of Unico
[x] Unico and the Island of Magic
[ ] Urotsukidoji: The Movie
[x] Urotsukidoji 2: Legend Of The Demon Womb
[ ] Vampire Hunter D
[ ] Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlines
[ ] Wings of Honneamise: Royal Space Force
[ ] Voices of a Distant Star

CARTOONS FOR GROWNUPS
[x] American Pop
[x] Animal Farm
[x] The Animatrix
[ ] Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
[x] Beavis & Butthead Do America
[x] Cool World
[x] Down And Dirty Duck
[ ] The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!
[x] Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
[x] Final Fantasy: Advent Children
[ ] Fire & Ice
[x] Fritz the Cat
[ ] Hair High
[x] Heavy Metal
[x] Heavy Metal 2000
[x] Hellboy: Blood & Iron
[x] Hellboy: Sword Of Storms
[ ] Hey Good Lookin'
[x] I Married A Strange Person
[x] Interstella 5555: The 5tory Of The 5ecret 5tar 5ystem
[ ] Lady Death
[ ] Lil' Pimp
[x] Mutant Aliens
[ ] The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat
[ ] Queer Duck: The Movie
[x] Rock 'n Rule
[x] A Scanner Darkly
[x] South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
[x] Street Fight (AKA - Coonskin)
[x] The Tune
[ ] Waking Life
[x] Wizards

HOLIDAY SPECIALS
[ ] The 12 Days of Christmas
[ ] Annabelle's Wish
[x] Babar And Father Christmas
[x] The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas
[o] Blue Toes The Christmas Elf
[x] A Charlie Brown Christmas
[x] A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
[x] A Chipmunk Christmas
[x] Christmas Comes to Pacland
[x] The Christmas Toy
[x] Christopher & Holly; The Bears Who Saved Christmas
[ ] Chucklewood Critters: The Christmas Tree Train
[ ] Chucklewood Critters: ‘Twas the Day Before Christmas
[ ] A Chucklewood Easter
[x] A Claymation Christmas Celebration
[x] A Claymation Easter
[x] A Cosmic Christmas
[x] The Devil And Daniel Mouse
[ ] The Easter Bunny is Comin’ to Town
[x] Easter Fever
[x] Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas
[ ] A Family Circus Easter
[ ] The First Easter Rabbit
[x] Frosty the Snowman
[x] Frosty Returns
[x] A Garfield Christmas Special
[x] Garfield in Disguise
[x] George And The Christmas Star
[x] Halloween is Grinch Night
[ ] The Halloween Tree
[ ] Here Comes Peter Cottontail
[x]How The Grinch Stole Christmas
[x] Intergalactic Thanksgiving
[x] It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
[x] Jack Frost
[x] Mickey's Christma sCarol
[ ] Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol
[x] The Muppet Family Christmas
[ ] O Christmas Tree
[ ] Olive, The Other Reindeer
[ ] Peter and the Magic Egg
[x] A Pink Christmas
[x] The Pogo Special Birthday Special
[ ] The Raccoons' Christmas
[x] Raggedy Ann & Andy: The Great Santa Claus Caper
[ ] Raggedy Ann and Andy: The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile
[x] Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
[ ] Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July
[ ] Rudolph's Shiny New Year
[x] Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town
[x] Shrek The Halls
[ ] The Small One
[x] The Snowman
[x] ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
[x] A Wish For Wings That Work
[ ] Witch’s Night Out
[x] Ziggy's Christmas

OTHER ANIMATED MOVIES
[x] Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein
[x] Alvin & The Chipmunks Meet The Wolfman
[x] Animalympics
[ ] The Adventures of the American Rabbit
[x] Babar: The Movie
[x] Balto
[ ] Balto 2
[ ] Balto 3
[x] Bebe's Kids
[ ] Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown (and Don't Come Back!!)
[ ] A Boy Named Charlie Brown
[x] The Brave Little Toaster
[ ] The Brave Little Toaster To The Rescue
[ ] The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars
[x] Bratz Babyz: The Movie
[ ] Bravestarr: The Movie
[x] Care Bears: The Movie
[x] Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation
[x] Care Bears Adventure In Wonderland
[x] The Care Bears Nutcracker Suite
[x] The Care Bears: Journey To Joke A Lot
[x] The Care Bears' Big Wish Movie
[x] The Care Bears: Oopsy Does It
[x] Charlotte's Web
[ ] Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Great Adventure
[x] The Chipmunk Adventure
[ ] Clifford's Really Big Movie
[ ] Curious George
[ ] Digimon: The Movie
[ ] Dot and the Bunny
[ ] Dot and the Kangaroo
[ ] Doug's 1st Movie
[ ] Eight Crazy Nights
[ ] The Elm-Chanted Forest
[x] The Fabulous Adventures of the Legendary Baron Munchausen
[ ] Felix the Cat: The Movie
[x] Fern Gully
[ ] FernGully 2: The Magical Rescue
[ ] Franklin and the Green Knight: The Movie
[ ] Futurama: Bender's Big Score
[ ] Futurama: Bender's Game
[ ] Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
[ ] Futurama: The Wild Green Yonder
[x] Garfield: His 9 Lives
[ ] Gargoyles the Movie: The Heroes Awaken
[x] Gay Purr-ee
[ ] G.I. Joe: The Movie
[ ] Gobots: Battle of the Rock Lords
[ ] Happily Ever After
[ ] He-Man & She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword
[x] Here Come The Littles
[x] The Hobbit
[x] Jetsons: The Movie
[x] The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones
[ ] Kangaroo Jack: G'Day U.S.A.!
[ ] The King & I
[ ] Liberty and the Littles
[ ] Lord of the Rings
[x] Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland
[ ] The Magic Voyage
[ ] The Mighty Kong
[ ] MirrorMask
[x] The Mouse And His Child
[ ] My Little Pony: The Movie
[x] The Nutcracker Prince
[x] Once Upon A Forest
[x] The Phantom Tollbooth
[ ] Pink Floyd's The Wall
[ ] Pogo for President: 'I Go Pogo'
[x] Pokémon: The First Movie
[ ] Pokémon: The Movie 2000
[ ] Pokémon 3: The Movie
[x] The Point
[ ] The Princess and the Goblin
[ ] Powerpuff Girls: The Movie
[ ] Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown
[x] Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure
[x] Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer
[ ] Rover Dangerfield
[o] Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie
[ ] Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys
[ ] Scamper the Penguin
[ ] Scooby Doo and the Ghoul school
[ ] Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers
[x] The Secret of the Selenites
[ ] The Seventh Brother
[x] The Simpsons Movie
[x] Snoopy Come Home
[ ] Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
[x] Stay Tuned
[x] Stellaluna
[x] Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
[ ] The Swan Princess
[x] The Thief and the Cobbler
[ ] Tom and Jerry: The Movie
[x] Tom Sawyer
[x] Transformers: The Movie
[x] Twice Upon A Time
[x] We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
[ ] Willy the Sparrow
[x] Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
[ ] Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light

And if I've left anything off, let me know! :)

*I have a magic butt full of gay.

*I saw an ad for "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" that said it was the "best movie about chihuahuas ever made". Isn't that a little like saying you've contracted the awesomest case of AIDS ever?

*Leopard, beandip, vulva, Autobot, gazebo, booger, wombat.

*Q: Why did Lewis Carroll go see his urologist?
A: He kept waking up with Tulgey Wood.

*My stream of consciousness is full of little bobbing turds.

*Fat people are smarter because sitting around on our asses all day long gives us more time to think about shit.

*How much w00t could a w00tchuck chuck if a w00tchuck could chuck w00t?

*New word: 'CRUNTS'
When a woman's eating cookies in bed and gets crumbs up her cunt. They become crunts.

*Awesome Racist Stereotype #397:
Black people meow when there's nobody else in the room.

*Booganeebub drombordinganangipran nooroblontz squormingtranton huggoglapperdonkopuvv mantrastelticophornicaitrusessence voondarbamp.

*Debunk: When you get out of a bed that has two levels.

*The journey of a thousand miles begins with a bathroom break. Or else you are really gonna be sorry.

*'There is never any point in time when I am not masturbating. I was masturbating before I was born and I will be masturbating after I die. I masturbated before the universe began and will still be masturbating beyond the end of time.'

*There is simply only one thing you need to know about the movie Shoot 'Em Up. It contains multiple carrot-related homicides.
MULTIPLE. CARROT-RELATED. HOMICIDES.

*Put hat on Pikachu = original character.

*Q: How many internet trolls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None; they just yell upstairs for their moms to do it.

*Q: How many Highlanders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: There can be only one!!!

*I want to cum icing so I can decorate cakes by masturbating.

*Here's a helpful household hint: The dishes will not magically do themselves if you stand there yelling at them, 'DAMN YOU, DISHES!! I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU!!!'

*Gazelle Meryl Streep Popsicle Fuck Dumpster Quid Pro Quo Ninja Armpit Radioactive Voltron Cupcakes.

*'Hey, did you see that essay about the black guy's penis?'
'tl:dr'

*My dick is made of excellent.

Recently a whole bunch of gay kids committed suicide all within a month or so of each other. And because Americans are simple-minded creatures who can only conceive of a problem once a statistical anomaly makes a common problem seem like an epidemic, we're suddenly taking an interest now. Despite the fact that this has been going on since pretty much the dawn of time.

But the news wants to blame school bullying for it. And at first glance that idea makes sense. Heck, I'll admit I thought this was a real problem for a while.

Luckily, I eventually came to my senses. "Duh! Anytime the mainstream media does everything in their power to push the idea that something is a huge problem, THAT MEANS IT ISN'T!" Have we forgotten SARS, the bird flu, the swine flu, the summer of the shark etc? (And how many people, in total, have terrorists killed in America? Compared to, say, the number of drunk driving fatalities in a single year?)

Plus, it's the well-established behavior of the teevee news, when presented with a complex problem, to either reduce it to a staggeringly oversimplified single cause, blame one of its symptoms, or just straight-up blame some utterly unrelated bullshit.

I'm not saying it doesn't absolutely suck to be bullied. And I'm also not saying that it's not possible for a sociopathic mind to torture an individual mentally until they feel they have no escape but death. But is that really what's happening in schoolyards across America? Is a schoolmate scrawling "YOUR A FAGGIT" on your desk really going to make you off yourself?

It seems unlikely.

So what, then, is a more likely culprit for gay kids feeling like they have no reason left to live?

Gee, could it possibly be THEIR MOTHERFUCKING SCUM PARENTS!?

I am willing to bet that in most cases of gay suicide, the kids were in the closet. And maybe sometimes the parents would have been accepting had they only known. But let's imagine two different households. In one, a gay teen has awesome parents who love him for who he is. And in another house, a gay teen has 'family values' parents who are no better in their attitudes than the bullies themselves. One of these teens has someone to go to when they're bullied. One of these teens has parents who will teach him how to stand up for himself (or even better, how to fight back). The other teen has parents who toss the word 'fag' around at the dinner table like it's just another word. They don't have to be überChristian, or religious at all. They don't have to even *hate* gay people. It's enough that they go along with the old idea that gays are 'others'. Gays are something alien and unwanted. It's enough just that this teen gets the idea that, if he tells his parents he's gay, they will no longer want him.

No bully can do that.

The suicide attempt is not a genuine desire to die. It is a desperate cry for their parents to see how much pain they're in. And for them to actually CARE about it.

It's something nobody in the news ever talks about, but I am totally convinced by now that the single greatest danger to children is, and always has been, parents. The news won't run that headline, because scared parents are where they get their ratings from. Virtually half of every local newscast seems to be devoted to keeping parents in a perpetual state of hyperparanoia about all the millions of things that could possibly endanger their child. But NEVER do they tell the truth and say, 'The thing most likely to fuck up your kid is your own dumb bigotry and your stupid, petty selfishness. Stop trying to force the world to revolve around them. And instead of trying to get the government to keep away everything that might possibly cause them harm, why don't you lazy whiners WAKE UP and realize that it's YOUR fucking job to do that!?'

Parents want to believe that their own children are unsoiled, blameless innocents, under siege from an evil, wicked world. In their minds, they are superheroes. When bad things happen to kids, they're convinced the blame-finger points in every direction that isn't theirs. They can do no wrong; it's the whole rest of the world that's the problem. And they'll invent bad guys by the dozens to populate their world-o-delusions; turning threats that are either minor, avoidable or completely imaginary into grotesquely inflated supervillains. Pedophiles! Unhealthy foods! Television! Video games! Pornography!

And bullies. "It's OTHER PEOPLE'S children that are the problem!"

Just stop to think about that for a moment.

Parents... blaming children... for the problems that parents cause... to children.

Christ... Ain't that a little bit like if we blamed the existence of hamburgers on cows?




Here's a link that was like a slap in the face to me: "Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers"

Here's a video about bullying which I don't agree with 100%, but he does a damn good job of presenting the side of the argument nobody wants to hear, and does it in a way where you're forced to think if you want to disagree. TheAmazingAthiest on bullies

Lastly, the best and truest satire on parenting I have ever seen was in a deleted scene from the South Park movie. (And maybe it was deleted because it was a little too true.) The parents of South Park are about to execute Terrance & Phillip at gunpoint for making a movie that contained naughty language. And because Kyle, Ike and Cartman were caught helping T&P, they're hauled in front of the guns too...

KYLE'S MOTHER: General... These are OUR CHILDREN!
GENERAL PLYMKIN They are Canadian sympathizers and they must be dealt with accordingly!
STAN'S MOTHER: But they're CHILDREN!
KENNY'S MOTHER: We can't kill these kids!
GENERAL PLYMKIN: Listen mothers, YOU'RE the ones that started all this. Don't get all emotional NOW!
STAN'S MOTHER: But we're doing all this to help our children's futures!
CARTMAN'S MOTHER: Yes, I think shooting our children would adversely affect their futures.
KYLE'S MOTHER: No... The General is right.
KYLE: MOM!!!
KYLE'S MOTHER: Boobie... This is the only way you're ever going to learn. I have an opportunity here to teach you about consequences.
STAN'S MOTHER: Sheila, you're going to far! Those are YOUR children!
KYLE'S MOTHER: YES! AND I WILL NOT ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO BE RUINED BY SMUT!!
(To Kyle) I am sorry young man, but I have had it up to here! STRAP THEM IN!
KYLE: YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!
KYLE'S MOTHER: KYLE BROVLOFSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!

Making a point doesn't get any more blunt or raw than that, folks.

Maverick Skye recently did a journal about some shocking anti-gay behavior from powerful people that isn't being punished in any noticeable way. I've felt exactly the same as him, and he does a good job illustrating the helpless feeling of being unable to comprehend such hateful actions, or why no one does anything to stop them. Go take a look: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1820783/

I don't have time for a bigass long rant. Suffice to say, you can get all the info at this journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1804158/

And then you need to go here: http://demandprogress.org/blacklist/ Sign that petition and donate if you can. Hell, put up journals of your own about this.

Your internet is in jeopardy from powerful men who want to be able to skip the legal process and blacklist websites on a whim. If you don't want Chinese-style information control, sign this thing. It's YOUR internet. Don't let a bunch of unpatriotic, constitution-subverting cocksuckers smear their fat greasy fingers all over it.

As Whiteroom, Rakaziel, Alfador and Wolf-Tomorrow pointed out, I did already post most of these a month ago (under the journal "ENTIRE TEAM IS BUHNEES"). As penance, I'm reuploading with considerably more new content.
**********

*Did you hear about the guy in the wheelchair who rolled into a Starbucks and ordered a handicappucino?

*PORN-VIEWING THOUGHT:
'My penis is enjoying this more than my brain is comfortable with...'

*[i]'I beg the ghosts of space and time
'Prevent me from my greatest crime
'Stop me from revealing I'm...'[i]

*You never see pictures of a drunk Buddha vomiting.

*shitnipples -> tailcocks -> ass-breasts -> retina-testicles

*'I'm not racist, I just believe that Australians have cloacas.'

*Erections are better than cancer. :)

*FETUS CATAPULT

*Definition of a Poké-ball: something a male hedgehog has two of.

*IF WOMEN WERE CREATED FROM A RIB THEN WHY DON'T THEY BLEED BARBECUE SAUCE!?

*Tune in next week for Oprah Winfrey flying across the Atlantic riding on a rocket propelled crocodile with AIDS.

*Quick, all-purpose film review:
'This movie made me want to burn my penis off with a curling iron.'

*I have a breathing fetish.
I have been constantly, painfully erect since birth.
My life is an unimaginable hell.

*Pardon me while I produce infinite amounts of vomit.

*Here's how you win the war on terror. You with me? Okay, two words: HAM BOMBS.

*A great idea for a tattoo: 'I had this misspelled on perpose.'

*If someone robs a church, the news treats it like this horrible, horrible thing. But if they got away with it, doesn't that mean God must've wanted them to?

*You know how you can tell how crazy a preacher is? Just count the number of syllables when he says 'Jesus'.
'PUH-RAISE JUH-HEEEE-UH-ZUSS-SS-SS!!!'

*I wonder where little cartoon hearts go after they pop out of people's heads? Do they just evaporate, or does someone have to come by and sweep them up?

*Q: What's the difference between a buttery movie treat and pictures of naked policemen?
A: One is popcorn...

*My theory is that Gargamel kept trying to catch them because ground-up Smurfs are how they make Viagra.

*HOW TO GET REVENGE
Get a box of Saltines and go to the sleaziest, most prostitute-ridden area in town.
Pass a single Saltine through the pussy-lips of every hooker you encounter, like swiping a credit card.
Add a slice of cheese and a pepperoni and serve to your victim as an hors d'oeuvre.

*Some helpful advice: If you pick your butt and then pick your ears, you'll get smelly ears.

*Mark my words; the man who invents the baby ball gag will make more money than Bill Gates.

*What do you want to bet that, somewhere in the South, someone, somehow, has tried to deep-fry one of their own turds?

*Bet someone you can think of a word with a triple vowel, then hit 'em with LAPAROHYSTEROSALPINGOOOPHORECTOMY.

*'I beg the ghosts of space and time
'Prevent me from my greatest crime
'Stop me from revealing I'm...'

*You never see pictures of a drunk Buddha vomiting.

*That's ricking fudiculous.

*PORN-VIEWING THOUGHT:
'My penis is enjoying this more than my brain is comfortable with...'

*Holocaust watersports porno:
Schindler's Piss

*shitnipples -> tailcocks -> ass-breasts -> retina-testicles

*'I'm not racist, I just believe that Australians have cloacas.'

*Q: Why are Catholics against abortion?
A: It means fewer little boys.

*People who spell the word 'oops' as 'opps' = instant death penalty

*Erections are better than cancer. :)

*'You've obviously never participated in Olympic-rules 100 meter urine-drinking.'

*A watched boil never pops.

*You know you're on FA when a submission is named "Morbidly Obese Raccoon", and it's intended to be porn.

*FETUS CATAPULT

*Would two joeys in a pouch be considered 'roomates'?

*'Do you know what I'm gonna do? To you, I mean. Let me tell you. First I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Then... I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Then I'm gonna eat a salad. Then, I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Then, you guessed it, I'm gonna Fuck You In The Ass. Then I'm gonna fuck you in Someone Else's ass. I dunno how yet, but goddammit, I will find a way.'

*Did you hear about the guy in the wheelchair who rolled into a Starbucks and ordered a handicappucino?

My friend and I just got back from seeing ENTHIRAN THE ROBOT. It is OVER 9000 in every possible category.

It stars Superstar Rajinikanth as a robotics engineer and his android creation. It's an Indian movie, so there are several musical numbers, each one more spectacular and colorful than the last. And I normally HATE musical numbers in films, but I liked all of them in this one. (Especially one set high in the mountains, with everyone in huge feathery costumes, and most of the lyrics comparing the film's heroine to various foods.) The movie's pretty damn long, but the pacing's good. There wasn't any place in it that felt dull to me. The effects are great, though sometimes a bit unrealistic. But since the movie never tries for a single instant to be realistic, that's just fine. (Minor warning: Usually the characters speak Indian, but they'll occasionally say things in English, so that can get a little distracting.)

Mere words cannot describe how insanely over-the-top this movie is. It's so far beyond the top, the top is no longer even visible. This movie goes to heights of jaw-dropping reality-ignoring batshit craziness I wouldn't have imagined possible.

There is a giant snake, made out of robot dudes, that eats cars.

Try to see it if you can. It's so much fucking fun. The fun-o-meter is off the charts. This is one of the loopiest, gaudiest, flashiest, panache-iest, we-don't-give-a-fuck-about-the-laws-of-physics-iest movies I've ever seen. It put a huge grin on my face almost the whole time. :)


Here's the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvB9-TJe_lI There's stuff in the actual film about 400 times crazier than anything shown here. ^__^

[scene is a packed courtroom with reporters' cameras flashing and the gallery mumbling amongst themselves]

BAILIFF: All rise for the honorable Judge Vermicelli!

[courtroom quiets immediately; the JUDGE waddles in and sits down.]

JUDGE: Be seated.

[everyone sits down]

BAILIFF: Case number one-one-four-seven-six-two: The people versus... a sandwich!

[dramatic cut to the defendant's table, where a sandwich sits out in the open, looking a little stale]

BAILIFF: The charge is first degree murder.

DEFENSE LAWYER: [leaps to his feet] Your honor, I demand you dismiss this case immediately!

[gasps from the jury and gallery]

JUDGE: On what grounds?

DEFENSE LAWYER: [begins pacing dramatically] As you know, the murder of Yitzhak Schmeer, with a bowling pin and a length of bailing twine, took place within the Chazzerei Synagogue. But my client would never in a million years have been allowed entrance to this synagogue!

JUDGE: And why is that?

DEFENSE LAWYER: Because my client... [whips back bread slice] ...is a HAM sandwich!!!

[really loud gasps from everyone in the courtroom]

JUDGE: Order! Order! [bangs gavel] In light of this alarming new evidence, I have no choice but to declare this case dismissed. Sandwich, you are free to go.

[the sandwich does not move, because it is a sandwich]

DISTRICT ATTORNEY [slams case file down and points angrily at DEFENSE LAWYER] Damn you! I worked for months on that case! And yet again, you win without breaking a sweat!!

DEFENSE LAWYER: [smirks handsomely] All in a day's work for...

[title card appears and theme music plays]

...JACK BRUSCHETTA: LAWYER FOR FOOD!

Link!---> BEHOLD MY GLORY <---Link!

Actually, so far it's just three videos of me dicking around and one of a thingy I saw at the Pacific Science Center (Alfador's hands make an unbilled cameo).

I hope to start uploading some edits I've done to various movies and TV shows, showcasing cute but underappreciated furry characters like Peepers, Foxy Loxy, Mallyumkin and the cgi Chipettes. These videos will not exactly be 'good', but they'll be a chance to see all of a particular character's scenes in one chunk.

Does anyone like this idea? Sound like something you'd be interested in? Any characters you'd suggest?


EDIT: I have added seven videos in my Toon Highlight Reel series. Ones for Lola Bunny, Angel, Vulpix, Foxy Loxy, Peepers, Katie and Mallyumkin. Enjoy them!

And you might want to find yourself a YouTube video downloading plugin, because I have no idea how long these will stay up! Like for instance, THIS ONE!!! Download YouTube Video As MP4 Or FLV. It doesn't have a snappy title, but it does let you download nice, crisp, high-quality MP4 s of stuff. I can't recommend it enough; if you like the clips, get this plugin and save them!

 drakiskier has crafted one hell of an asskicking story series. Based on my novel Dangerous Lunatics, it follows a new group of kids with strange abilities versus a new menace from The Project. I can't stress how gripping and well-written these are. Here's the first installment:

INTERFACE

More chapters will follow as he posts them. They're all equally good or better. and the ending is a doozy. :)

Go! Read! Now! THE REYNARD COMMANDS IT!!! ;)

Right now, the American Supreme Court is deciding on whether or not it is constitutionally-protected free speech for Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Chuckleheads to traipse around soldiers' funerals, hollering about how great it is that they're dead and that it's our own fault because we're a nation of 'fag-enablers'. (God I love that term; it's so grotesquely retarded.)

Now, it should be obvious as fuck that Fred Phelps has no special hatred for soldiers. He just knows that if he protests on a random street corner, he'll be ignored. If he protests at a funeral, that'll get a news crew out. If he protests at a soldier's funeral, then that's the publicity jackpot. Never let yourself think this man is crazy or stupid. Evil, sure. But he's also a cynical, devious publicity whore with a keen skill for manipulating the media and people's emotions.

And as to his freakshow circus being constitutionally-protected free speech? Come on! I love our right to free speech so much I'd fucking die for it, and I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO PROBLEM with designating funerals as protest-free zones. I can think of no cause so important you have to yell and scream at grieving people to get your message across. But that's beside the point.

Here's the real point:

If Phelps' signs said 'THANK GOD FOR DEAD NIGGERS' we wouldn't even be having this discussion.

If he was protesting at black families' funerals and saying that God hates America because we ended slavery, then just for starters he'd have had his ass beat a dozen times over by now and probably would have been shot at a few times too. But also, there'd be no supreme court hearing. We'd classify it as hate speech, which it is, and cart his venomous old wrinkled ass off to jail for committing hate crimes.

But we don't do that. Why? Because we still see anti-homosexual bigotry as more 'okay' than racism in this country.

A politician says something stupid or hateful (or uncomfortably true) about race in this country, it's all over the news and they're out of a job within 24 hours. Same politician says something stupid or hateful about gays? We ignore it. Hell, it makes plenty of people want to vote for him more.

Why? Because we still see homo-hating as a church value. It's okay to hate gays because it's in the Bible. And we haven't evolved enough yet to call the bible what it really is: stupid, hateful ancient bullshit. As a society, we still call it 'The Good Book', and therefore anti-gay bigotry must be good too if that's where it comes from.

It's not. Hating someone based on ignorance and prejudice is unforgivable regardless of who it's directed at. And I don't wanna hear from any repulsive sissy moron who tries to tell me, 'Oh, but homophobia is totally different from racism!' Or from sexism or islamophobia or thisphobia or thatphobia (or even fursecution!). The behavior is NEVER excusable, no matter WHO it's directed at. We're never gonna progress so long as selfish, arrogant pricks insist that THEIR personal persecution is totally different from everyone else's. I have no respect for anyone who only wants their own cause to get any attention.

If the supreme court finds in favor of Phelps (Hey, it could happen), it'll be proof that we don't take gay-bashing seriously in this country. Because we've already ruled that racism is unprotected speech, so the precedent is set. Hell, if the court DOES find in favor of the WBC, I hope the KKK starts protesting at black funerals, just to show Americans what we've allowed to happen.

Remember: the WBC and the KKK are just the tip of the iceberg. They're just the ones who are open about their hate. They're just the ones who are courageous enough to be honest about it. We still oughtta be far more disgusted by the bigot who keeps their hatred to themselves and only shows it in secret. The boss who rejects the application of someone outside their race. The kindly old person who votes for whichever politician speaks out loudest against gay marriage. Get rid of the WBC and the KKK and every other hateful organization in the country and we will STILL have hate, STILL have bigotry, STILL have ignorance.

Because the problem is us, folks. It's society as a whole. We don't talk honestly about bigotry in this country; we keep shut about it out of 'politeness'. We fear ever offending anyone with an honest remark, so we don't voice our true opinions. If someone let an honestly ignorant remark out once in a while, and was educated about it instead of treated like a criminal, then that ignorant thought might go away, instead of quietly festering into an intolerant thought over time, then finally crystallizing into full-blown hatred.

Our silence keeps the bullshit going. We ignore the problem, hoping it will go away, while behind our backs it breeds like crazy. Bigots are the symptom, not the root problem.

You really expect nothing but pretty flowers to grow out of poisoned soil?

First and foremost, give love to JustOneCalorie for this adorablyiffy Bartleby fanart!

Now, onto business.

I'm gonna be on vacation for a while, folks. Gonna chill with amigos and attend Rainfurrest. I'll be leaving pretty soon, so since I'll be AFK for a while, I thought I'd give y'all something to do.

Once again, I am requesting questions! I'll make another bigass audio response when I get back, so now's your time to break my brain with all your bizarrest queries! Riddles, ethical dilemmas, political questions, personal inquiries, philosophical musings; throw 'em all my way. Let's set a limit of five-ish questions per person, and try to make the questions short enough to be easily read aloud. I'll pick out the best and reply as honestly as I can.

See ya eventually, muchachos!! :D

CLICK HERE AND READ THIS FIRST.

WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY.

I'll bet you ten to one he's backing off simply because he's afraid of retribution. Hey, pastor! If you're going to do something shocking to grab the world's attention, then maybe you ought to have the spine to deal with it once you get it!! Wanker! Douchebag!

Even though a lot of the previous journal was humor, I actually did support Pastor Jones' decision to burn the Koran. If he really feels that strongly that Islam is a dangerous threat, and he wants to show it via a nonviolent protest, then we should be mature enough to let him! Instead, we made a big deal about it. I probably never would have known about this guy if not for the national news making him their top story. So whose fault is the worldwide outrage, hm? The guy who'd have no power if we just ignored him, or the news media that willingly hands him all the publicity he could possibly want?

This incident really shows just how much this country really does fear Islam. We pretend we don't, but all one man has to do is threaten to burn some books and the entire country is suddenly begging him not to! It exposes something that we'd rather not openly discuss. We don't blame Muslims for the terrorist acts they commit; we blame whatever 'made' them do it. The pastor himself even made an excellent point on the news the other day; if some Muslims kill American soldiers because of his Koran-burning, then he says he'd feel sad, but it's the responsibility of the Muslim who committed the murder. This man may be hatefully intolerant of other religions, but on this one point he's absolutely right.

To imply that terrorism is caused by burning a Koran, or protesting the Ground Zero mosque, or publishing a book about the Danish Muhammad cartoons, is as stupid as blaming video games for school shootings. Have we not evolved enough YET to understand the simple principle that human beings are responsible for their own actions? And if we do blame Muslim retribution on people who 'provoke' them, then doesn't that kinda mean that we view Muslims as being somewhat subhuman? That they're just animals, and if you do anything to rile 'em up it's your own fault if they attack you? Because that's kinda how it appears we Americans view them, even if we'd never dare say it aloud.

It cheapens Muslims and Americans alike to act as if what one man does in Florida can directly cause the death of American Soldiers overseas. Indirectly? Yes, that's certainly a possibility. As long as we're being honest, let's admit that some Muslims are indeed reactionary and will riot and kill with the slightest provocation. Still, that doesn't change the fact that our Constitution provides our right to free speech, which Pastor Mustache's Koran-bake certainly was. This was an act of douchebaggery; make no mistake about it. But it was a constitutionally-protected act of douchebaggery. And we should be proud of the fact that we live in a country where we allow the crackpots to have their say. But just because we allow them to speak doesn't mean we have to send every news camera in the country when they do.

It's absolutely a complicated issue. Did I really want him to burn those Korans? No. Did I really care whether he did or not? No. Am I more disgusted with him for not having the courage to follow through on a promise he'd made? Yes. If you can't deal with the pressure and the death threats from promising a stunt like this on national TV, then keep your fucking mouth shut about it in the first place, jackass.

Also, fuck him for being named Terry Jones. The real Terry Jones is from Monty Python and, as proven by his willingness to wear a dress on television, is a far, far braver man.



P.S. I also heard on the news tonight that Donald Trump has offered to buy the land that Imam Rauf wants to build a mosque on near Ground Zero, and that the Islamic center would then be moved five blocks farther away. Trump is kind of a sleazy bastard, but I applaud him for this. It's a perfectly legal and peaceful solution. And if Mr. Rauf refuses to budge, insisting his Islamic cultural center must be built on that particular spot, then we'll know for certain that his good intentions are fake and he always intended his center to be a big middle finger to America. Like I suspected from the beginning.



EDIT: In the paper today, it said Imam Rauf not only refused Trump's offer, but said he'd refused other offers "three times as much". Well, there goes his credibility. If he was being honest about his goals for the Islamic center (to help bring Muslims and non-Muslims together in peace), he'd have happily accepted one of these other offers and moved the center to avoid any more bad feelings. The fact of his refusal proves him to be a liar, a fraud, and guilty of as much callous disrespect as Pastor Jones.

Fuck Imam Rauf with a shovel.

Some crazy preacher has suggested that September 11th should be declared International Burn A Koran Day.

It should come as no surprise that I am fully in support of this.

This preacher dood, who has a rockin' mustache, and whose ministry is named after a dove (The symbol of peace! Oh, the irony!), thinks it'd be a grand idea if we all showed them Muslims what for by burning up their holy books.

Pause for a second and reflect on this.

The people who are most likely to participate in this activity will be intolerant rednecks. How many Korans do you think they have just lying around? In order to burn them, they'll have to go get some. And where will they get them? Bookstores. With what? Money.

That's right, they're going to have to give money to the very people who they're trying so very hard to hate.

Intolerant rednecks are going to be giving money directly to Koran publishers - quite a few of which will be Muslim I'm guessing - in order to show how much they don't like Muslims.

Folks, irony doesn't get any more delicious.

But let's go back to the idea of burning a Koran on September 11th in protest of the terrorist attacks that happened nine years ago. I don't think that's a bad idea at all. Go ahead and toss a Koran or two on the barbie.

JUST SO LONG AS YOU CHUCK A BIBLE IN THERE TOO!!!

Get yourself a garbage can, fill it with holy books of ALL kinds, then light that shit on fire!! Throw a Tao in there! Throw a Talmud in there! A Torah! An I-ching! Definitely include a copy of Dianetics!

The problem is not Islam. The problem is every single type of unthinking devotion to a controlling, power-hungry dogma.

Heck, let's mark this special day by burning all sorts of books that encourage ignorance and blind belief in unproven bullshit! Let's burn some books on magical self-healing too! Or pop psychology! Organic foods! Mystic energy! Fad diets! Feng shui! Conspiracy theories! Get-rich-quick schemes! Alternative medicine! Celebrity autobiographies! Anti-science school textbooks! Anything written by cable news pundits! Maybe if we really put our hearts in it, we can incinerate every single copy of Rhonda Byrne's The Secret ever printed!!!

(Just for the hell of it, let's toss some Twilight novels, Harlequin romance and Dean Koontz crap in there too. ^__^)

Go out and steal these books by the bushel from bloated chain bookstores and make huge bonfires in church parking lots, torching thousands and thousands of books whose only purpose is to scam the foolish out of their money.

Then we invite all the city's homeless to stand around the warming glow and we give them free hotdogs and smores to roast over the crackling fire.

And the world becomes a better place. :)





(Or, for an even better way to celebrate healthy skepticism, go check out this podcast: Skeptoid! It's incredibly well-researched, touches on just about every topic imaginable, and takes no side but the one the evidence favors. Definitely worth a look for pretty much all human beings.)