So yeah, go watch my choreography.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaa.....;feature=share

Second and final songs. Working with one of the girls on my Cups choreo and hopefully I'll get a video of that at some point.

Also working on something for Promises - Nero (Virtual Riot Remix) and some other just independent moves for use later.

Anyways, that's what I've been up to.

To many writers out there I know what it's like to start working on a story only to find yourself not finishing it.

I'm an imaginative fellow, and as such, I think up stories all the time. I run them through my head in daydreams, and often sit in my apartment for hours in silence just exploring those worlds. However, whenever I start to write them down, even just a quick synopsis of what kind of story I want to tell, I find myself neglecting it later. At first I thought it was just one or two of these stories, but then I started to realize that I have close to 10 different titled documents, all with a different setting and basic plot. The thing is, while that seems like a good thing for a writer to have (meaning multiple inspirations to work on), it's probably the most detrimental thing. They all run together now and I can't even remember why I started writing a few of them in the first place.

The reason I am even writing this now is because I just had the inspiration to start something new, but I'm literally scared to because I don't want to neglect and forget this story like I have with others. The main reason being is due to that this story actually stems from a lot of the emotions and ideals that I hold very dear to me, as well as some of the issues I wanted to face with a few of the stories that I neglected but haven't completely forgotten.

I hate this idea that if I start to put it on paper I'll forget about it, because I want to share it. I want to put it down in ink so that I can see it outside of my head.

Furthermore, I honestly don't think I'm a great writer. It has less to do with my inability to write or my lack of vocabulary, but more to do with my overly critical view of my own writing. I don't want it to seem shallow, but I don't want it to also seem overly deep. A lot of times I read things I find that they go into a poetic nature that doesn't really fit with the story, or that they overly describe things but then don't keep any consistency with the writing. I don't want to be guilty of that. Therefore, I often critique my sentences before I even finish them. I'll spend close to 4 hours trying to write the perfect paragraph before going back and changing it later.

One of my more pathetic and self-loathing posts. I might not ever start this story of mine, but I hope that I can overcome my own limitations and actually produce something worthwhile from it.

Thanks for listening if you did.

See ya

So, I've been putting off explaining my absence from the furry community, in the sense of not really networking anymore and just kinda sitting on the sidelines and hanging out with my friends.

I mean, the reason is pretty simple, I'm just tired of the people.

I find it ironic that the only reason I became a furry in the first place was because I felt at home amongst the people that called themselves furries. Yet it is wholly the reason I am basically "whatev-ing" this and most of the other furry networking sites.


Actually, I should be trying to kid anyone or beat around the bush.
This journal is primarily for a release of some pent up anger towards this community. Much of which stems from my view on art, how business is handled amongst furs in general, and a little bit of annoyance towards the whole, "Lets all be classified as furries, cause apparently being human isn't enough." That's a bit vague and sounds strange after writing it down, but I'll clarify in a minute.

So, first of all, the whole art thing. Now I understand the point of art here. It's the ability to experience snap-shots of a life that you create in your head. Same goes for stories. If anything, I support that and its probably the only reason this fandom even exists. But I believe there comes a time when people need to stop focusing on getting as much art done as they can, by the "best" artists on the site. Take me for instance, now I have not paid for any digital art in a very long time, if at all. And the drawn art I've gotten is mostly just badges for conventions, of which I have maybe 4 or 5. But I see some of the people who have 50 or more images of their character in their gallery, none of which drawn by them, and I realize that there has to be a line. To me, it's borderline obsession, masked as "I just like the art." FYI, you can enjoy one piece of art more if you don't bury it underneath 10 other works within the same period of time.

What I find to be the most defining factor in my inability to enjoy and embrace this culture is the business ethics/practices of the artists (in any of the forms). Not all of them, mind you, I find some to be very shrewd business people. But more often or not, it's simply just someone abusing their "popularity" and charging exorbitant sums for a single piece of art. Like $300 exorbitant. What I find the most infuriating is that people actually buy this shit! There isn't like a, "Hey, by the way, you realize that you can't charge this much if no one else is even close right?" It's almost as if economical standards aren't even applicable to this type of market. Which is strange considering how widespread and popular it is. Not saying that most people have managed to allocate their prices to a pretty simple scale based on the skill price plus the base price that everyone looks to sell for. I find that $25-$30 for a well-done piece of art is more than reasonable in this type of market. Don't get me wrong, there are a few artists on this site that create some beautiful pieces of art that they just upload to upload. And of those few, some deserve that $300. But when a porn artist charges that much for crap that is basically just hand-material? Yeah, that drives me insane.

Lastly, and I'll be quick with this one. If you've managed to keep up with me, I'm proud of you for sticking with me. Anyways, this is a problem I have with some close friends of mine. I know it isn't the most legitimate of issues as everyone is entitled to live their life the way they want, and think of their life the way they want. But I'm human. I enjoy being a human, I wouldn't change that for anything. I don't see how people can reject that so easily. Even if they aren't happy with the way they look, or aren't happy with where they are, or the relationships they have. All of those things, as bad as you might think they are. Aren't bad things at all. They are just things. It's when you let yourself see all the bad in your life, instead of all the good. Such as, I have a good amount of money maybe 3 days of the month. That's not a good thing, but I don't run around saying I'm poor and I hate it, I wish I was a furry so I wouldn't be poor in the world where money is apparently abundant. (That's for another day though). I know I'm generalizing this a lot, but I've heard things just as crazy. So basically, enjoy being human. You can fantasize about being a furry and experiencing life in that way. But don't use it as a scapegoat because you can't find your niche in society. The only reason that isn't happening, is because you aren't letting it.


Half of the time, I make no sense all the time.

So yeah, if you read through all that, I'm sorry. It's not really meant for anyone to read...so gotchya! I just needed to throw some words together to get them out of my brain to make room for cooler things like white rectangular sofas and disco balls.

I still love you guys, even if you drive me to the bring of sanity. Luckily, some of you have managed to ground me and keep me from being the asshole I used to be. Especially Medi, you do a good job.

So haven't journal'd in a while. So yeah, here's whats up.

Luckily my finals are basically two days from being overrrr, besides a stupid open book one on Friday. Speaking of Friday

seguesegueseguesegue

Friday night will be the last night until me and my new crew, House of Shinobi: 1-Gig (we are just 3 of the full crew, so we needed a sub-name), will be auditioning for America's Got Talent in Birmingham, AL.

We've basically been dancing together for about two weeks, with only 2 sessions with all of us together under our belt. We'll be throwing down every night this week pretty much until Saturday where we will pack up and head to B-ham to dominate. Even though we've only come together twice, we've found each other perfect matches as far as styles go. One animator, a popper, and a animator/popper (me). That just works, mainly because no matter what move or style we discuss, we can all pretty much do it with little to no practice.

We aren't going in there thinking we are going to automatically win, but as far as I'm concerned, we have a real shot. AGT hasn't seen a group with our talents since the Robot boys in Europe and T&P in the UK. America's seen a couple dancers, but not a group of three that match up as well as we do.

I'm excited, mainly because this is something I've wanted to do since I started dancing, and now that I'm really in my prime I want to take advantage of the opportunity being so close to home.

All in all, I hope we make it so we can show America that dance can be as entertaining and fun as any singing or musical act.

Wish us luck! I'll fill you guys in with all the details that I can when Sunday rolls around.

Peace!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLHs.....feature=colike

Me and two others. We officially started a rival operation against RemoteKontrol.

These guys are crazy, and I am glad I could dance with em.


I'm the red-haired fool.

So I've been thinking about FWA in the Spring. It's getting to that point where I need to start saving money, or at least planning to use money I gather up during the Holidays from my many, many wild schemes. By wild schemes, I mean begging my family members for it.

I'm getting a lot of work done the next couple weeks, which means I might not have to replace the money I use to purchase gifts with the money I gain from gifts. Which is typically what I do during the holidays because I hate not getting people things, but I don't ever really ask for anything besides money and/or gift cards. I. Love. Gift cards.

Furthermore, I hope that in the Spring I'll have a bunch more work available. My boss currently (my father), is helping a guy start up an architectural firm and might need help with some CAD drawings, which I can do. And it's pretty sweet money for someone still in school.

I also want to be more involved with the talent portion of the con. I've always done the Rock Band Comp, with the gang I frequently hang with, but I'd like to do the actual Talent Show and/or Fursuit Dance competition. But, lacking a fursuit, that latter option becomes a tad bit more difficult considering.

Anyways, I hope that I'll be able to go, AND pay back my pal for the expenses that I failed to provide last year. Which I still feel a bit guilty about. But considering what's been going on with my job as of late, it might be more possible that I can actually accumulate those funds before the end of 2012.

Anyways, Husky out!

Peace.

Oh and new dance video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyrU.....p;feature=plcp

Where are you staying?:
My Apartment, where it is cozy and people don't try to touch me.

What day are you getting there?:
Well I'm always here. What a silly question.

What day are you leaving?:
Never. I don't "leave" places.

Who will you be with?:
Myself. We have a good time.

How can I find you?:
You can't. Because I won't let you. Creeper.

What is your gender?:
Male

How old are you?:
EINUNDZWANZIG

How tall are you?:
5'11" Cause 5 hours a week, I'm open 11 days a year.

What suits will you have?:
I've got plenty suits. Got a nice blazer around here somewhere.

Do you do free art?
Yeah, but it sucks. That's why its free.

Can I talk to you?:
No, don't talk to me. Because that would mean you found me. I don't like it when people "find" me.

Can I take pictures with you?
No, see above.

Can I have breakfast\lunch\dinner with you?
Maybe. If you are buying, sure. If you aren't? NEVER AGAIN!

Are you nice?:
NO. I never nice.

Can I stalk you?:
Only if you do it subtly. Don't let me know, or I'll punch you in the pants.

Can I buy you lots of drinks?:
ALL THE DRINKS!!!

Can I hug or snuggle you?:
I huggle. I don't do that other shit.

Do you like parties?:
Hellnoyes

If I see you, how should I get your attention?:
Quote some Shakespeare. I won't acknowledge you, but at least I'll be somewhat entertained.

Anything else?:
Well it all started 21 years and a couple months ago, in a small little hospital in Bitberg, Germany.

NO!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/TeBeAyennounced


Check it out. Do it.

So hey, I know I wrote the word "Commissions" but sadly I am not going to be charging for them.


WHAT!? You mean you aren't sad? Oh...well...hey, cool then.


Anyways, I've been getting back into making music after a couple months' hiatus, and with my album work coming along smoothly, I've kinda wanted to venture into some other stuff on the side.


So! That being said, if anyone would like a song or anything of that sort, instrumental of course, then feel free to ask via Notes.


It would help if I had some sort of inspiration to go by.


I'm pretty limited in my abilities in terms of instruments. I basically play on my piano and then transcribe what I play into a music creation program, and I do the same for drums (with my piano drum thingy). X3


So yeah, I can try to imitate guitars and stuff if what you wanted called for that, but my best work would come from synthesizer/piano/strings/drum work.


Anyhow, let me know by Note if you wanted anything. I always thought it'd be cool to make a theme to a drawing or something like that.



But please, no porn music. I don't know if I could handle making a Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow song.

So instead of going back to digital art, with a mouse. I thought I'd go the old pen & paper route. So from now on I will be doing sketch-based commissions. No colors, no backgrounds (unless I deem it necessary or I feel the desire to do one), and no digitization.


There is but one price for these, and that is the good ol' $5.


A Lincoln gets you a character drawing, bust or full-body. Doing what you want them to do. I prefer clean art, but I won't say no to NOTE: Male nudity. I do not want to do female nudity, mainly because I don't want to think about that. If it is a deal-or-no deal thing for you, then we can discuss it. But it should be tasteful at best.

Anyways, so yeah. Multiple characters are okay, but don't get crazy now. I may charge extra for extra characters, but it would be like a dollar or two more. Nothing substantial. I will never charge more than $10, which would be rare in and of itself.

Examples of what they may look like:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7711312/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7711297/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7711275/

This is just to get me to do more things, try new poses, etc. as well as make money on the side. I hope to upgrade to digital art again, but that won't be for a while. I do not have a scanner, so please, bare with the pictures taken by my camera for now. I will be keeping every piece of art I do, unless you are local and wish to have it, which I'm sure most of my requests will come from locals to begin with.

Thanks friends, and I hope to do a lot of, if not some, business with you in the future.

Loves!

So after sending my mother my tax info and all that stuff. She told me I still wasn't able to have my taxes filed independent from her's and my father's. However, they told me I would get the difference back in the form of a deposit. A little thank you from them for not costing them $3,000 dollars in back-taxes.

Hurrah!

Anyways, the amount I get back while filed under their name, is pretty substantial, but it's essentially doubled by their "thanks for not making us poor" gift. Which makes it even better. It's basically 4 months of work back into my hands. And that makes me a lot less frantic about my lack of work. Still gonna be searching for a job however, but at least this way I won't starve or run out of power before I do. So...basically...I'm happy. I still owe a couple people some money, so that will take a bite out of my returns, but I'll still have a lot left over. And honestly, after surviving off of $50 and the generosity of my friends and family for basically a month now. I think I can survive off of what I have left for a while.

Anyways, that's all for now. Peace!

My friggin hand went to sleep before I started typing this crap. Stupid.


So yeah, FWA is over and done with. It was fun. My feet and calves are killing me from the dancing I did Saturday, so that means it was worth it.

Some pretty interesting people there that are either new or that I didn't meet last year. A couple of them creepy, some of them pretty legit.

I have my own couple highlights from the con, sans my failure to do any of the talent portions of the con, even though I was positive I was going to do them. Whatever.

Highlights:

1. Was my boyfriend's first Fur Con. I remember my first, and I think he reacted exactly how I did.

2. There were poppers/bboys at the rave. I remember the first year I was super disappointed, the second year the only one who was doing anything cool was Mangusu after his set (and then he wouldn't even dance next to me...lame), but I've finally become satisfied. I don't ever want to be the best dancer in a room, and I'm glad there were others with the same passion for going crazy on the dance floor as me.

3. My pal  Fangdevante was in the fursuit dance competition and rocked the floor.

4. Dance circles. The End.

No really, that's the end. I can't think of anything more to type about. Gonna go swallow some pasta and sip me some lemon-lime drink.

Where are you staying?
Where it be.

Who will you be with?
Jojo, Kijan, and Medibun.

Do you do trades?
Hell yeah! I'll trade my Pikachu for your Charizard....Wait...what? I don't have enough badges!? NOOOOO!

What suits will you have?
None fool. I ain't got the money fo' that. Shooooot.

What is your gender?
Male. Is that important?

How old are you?
No comment. I don't think you need that information.

Can I talk to you?
Yes, but only if you are interesting. If you are creepy?

Stay away.

Can I buy you a drink?
Platonic drinks are lovely. No "I wanna do you" drinks please.

What's your poison?
I don't have a poison. But my drink of choice is, I believe it is called, "what-the-fuck-ever."

Can I commission you?
Hell nah, I ain't got no time to draw nothin.

What events will you be attending?
Ones I want to or may find amusing and/or appealing.

Have you visited the website?[furryweekend.com]
I can't recall, perhaps last summer. Though, my recollection of such a thing is hazy at best.

Can I hug you?
Hugs from the front? Appreciated. Hugs from the back? Stay away. (Unless I know you by name.)

How tall are you?
Tall enough...to partayyyy!

Are you nice? Or do you think so (no personal references needed)?
Haha, well that's just a matter of opinion. But I'm nice in spirit.

Are you friendly?
Depends. Are you creepy? Are you going to stalk me? Are you going to wait till I fall asleep then carve my face off and wear it around my family? If yes. Then no, not really.

But in all other circumstances, yes. I'm fucking friendly, now leave me alone.

How long are you going?
I believe we will be there from Friday to Sunday. Though it is spring break time for us here, so I wonder about it.

Do you have an artist table? If yes, what will you be selling?
Hell nah, if I did? I'd be selling black-tar heroin in plush form. The furry community could be very successful in trafficking drugs. Though probably less so, now that I outed the plan. *shrugs* Oh well.

Do you like parties?
Yes. Plain and simple.

Can I give you a gift?
Real talk? Yes. But only if it is between $1-5. Below $1, means I mean nothing to you. Above $5, means you want me to feel an obligation to be your friend. And fuck that noise.

On second thought, don't buy me anything. Just buy me food. I like food.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
How about this, if you want to get my attention so bad, then just walk up to me. Tap my shoulder, extend your hand, and introduce yourself. I will then proceed to take said hand and shake it firmly, showing mutual respect as well as a signal of my comprehension of sociological norms. I will give my name. And voila, instant friendship. It works like that.

Anything else?
Hmmmm...well, this is vague. There are a lot of things. A. Moulin Rouge theme? I will be orgasming the entire time. B. Third time here? Automatically consider myself an expert on all things FWA.

That's about all I care to delve into at this point. Woof.

So the other day I was called skinny. Not like, "Wow, your skinny." More like, "Hey, you're too skinny. Stop starving yourself."

I was surprised by how insulted I was from that. I'd rather be called chubby, or normal. I feel like I may be "skinny" to some people (my family, who are the instigators here), but I'm not skinny. I'm normal sized. I have muscle, I have a bit of left over 'bad-shape-fat' in my belly, which is slowly burning away. But, I'm far from 'you-need-medical-help' skinny.

Anyways, on to more real-deal things.

I'm learning how to play touchstyle on my new guitar, which is exceedingly difficult as it is acoustic. And it's hard to get the sound of touching a fret to resonate without the other side of the string resonating at the same time, which just makes it sound nasty. I'd have to mute the string at the head of the guitar to get the single sound, but it makes it hard to tap, touch, strum, and slap the strings at the same time. Which is what i want to be able to do. I mean, it's good practice, but an electric guitar would be much better suited for the sound/style I like to make/play.

So, I've decided I need something to inspire me to do music. Artwork, Ideas, Characters, I dunno. Something to give me a basis on what to start making. Once I have that, I usually do a pretty good job of actually completing the track.

So here is what I'm gonna do, yeah?

Give me one of those things above (Artwork, Character, Idea) of your design or of someone else's that you'd like to have some type of music to. Could be a theme song, or just a way to immerse yourself in whatever it is you want to be immersed in.


Bee Tee Dubskeeze, doin' this fo' free. Which means zero dollars. Null Pesos. Nada Greenbacks. You get the picture.

So yeah, gonna probably scour around to find something to do for now, until I get a note about this. Which is a hint to say, send me a note with da' info, and I'll get back to you as soon as I am able. So yeah, can't really loose if you ask me to do something. Really just looking to better understand my music software by actually finishing tracks.


Bark. I'm out.

Because Jo was a loser and didn't finish his, I'm gonna do my own


Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

---

1. Why can't you do the dishes?
2. Why don't you just stay at work for the time you are supposed to?
3. Can't you just help me once without it looming over my head?
4. Can you give me one good reason not to kick your ass?
5. Do you know how much I love you?
6. Gurl...why you so crazy?
7. Do you really know me?
8. Why do you act the way you do, you don't find yourself annoying?
9. Will you PLEASE take the hint and leave me alone?
10. Can't you see that I'm trying to make my life better, why can't you help me with that?

I'm cool. Cause I steal shit from  jojojoshua



Arrival and Departure:
Arriving Thursday. Departing Sunday.

Staying at:
The Hotel!

Mode of Transportation:
In the trunk of  JoJojoshua's car.

Room Share:
 JoJoJoshua,  icansee, and his sister!


Major Plans at the Con:
Talking, visiting friends that I haven't seen since last year, dancing, partying, etc.

Artwork / commissions:
Probably might buy a badge.

Fursuit(s):
Getting a tail done as I type. That's about it.

Attending Parties:
Of course!

How best to find me:
If you can't tell who I am, then just look for the guy probably doing random dances. I like to tut, so if you see that, then it's probably me. Plus...I'll have a faux hawk!

Stage Performance:
Might do something for the Talent Show

Drink:
All Things.

Talk:
Absolutely!

What is your gender?
Male

How old are you?
19

Can I touch you?
Yes. But don't be feeling around -in- things! *waggles*

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
All day, all the time!

Can I give you lots of money?
Yes. My answer is yes.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Both are fine with me, just don't sneak up on me and do it, I'll take you out. No lie.

How tall are you?
6'0"

Are you nice?
Yeah...ya bitch.

Are you cliquey?
Always..I think I need to get that fixed! Oh..you meant..oh, uh, no?

Can I stalk you?
Yeah, I'll give you $5 if you can stalk me the whole con without me noticing!

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Scream out Ark! And I'll spin to find you!

Can I take a picture of ya?
Yes!

Can I steal ya away for *censored*?
I'm not going to lie to you.

Still working on music, once I can figure out how to record Arps I play into the playlist, I'll be set. Though it sucks not being able to save anything *droops ears* As of now I have all the notes I want to play with the beat and all the effects, but I can't put the riffs in for the life of me. I would just use a piano roll to do it, but blech, that takes so much time and it's so unnatural, I'd rather just have it record notes I play live. *shrugs* Whatever, if it comes to it, I may just have to suck it up and use a piano roll.

Anyways, I know that sounded very "talking-to-myself" like, and it kinda was.

Which brings me to my question of the day (new thing I'm doin' to make my journals a little bit more interactive): Is it more creepy to type to yourself, or talk to yourself?



VVVVVV Answer in the comment section, down there VVVVVV


Woof!

Finally, finally, fine. uh. lee. I am independent. So basically what this means is I never have to listen to a word my parents say. Ever. Again. They don't pay for my shit? Then I don't pay attention to them. I know that seems harsh, but if you really understood how my parents basically tried to ruin my life and ultimately lead me to complete and utter unhappiness, then you'd get my glee when I finally was forward with them about the whole 'college' thing.

Basically, for anyone out there who don't want to go to college, but don't know if it's important or not? Think about your overall goal in life. If it's to have a big ass house and all that expensive stuff? Probably college is right for you. If you don't care about the job you have? Depends on the former. If you don't care about money, would be happy in an apartment, and want to work in the food industry somewhere? College is unnecessary, experience is most likely a better option, work from the bottom to the top.

The most important thing anyone can ever do, is do what makes them happy. Let's go down my 'what-makes-me-happy' checklist.

Working with food. Check.
Dancing. Check
Teaching dance. Almost check.
Being in a crew. Not check (but hopefully soon).
Being needed at my job. Check.
Living in an apartment. Check.

So basically, I'm happy. I make enough money to pay the essentials and still have money to save. So hell yeah, I'm happy.

FWA is only a couple months away, and I'm ready to start dating again. So all, in all, I'd say my life is pretty good right now. Not to flaunt it or anything. I hate that my family is a bad part of my life, I wish that they could just respect my decision to follow my dream and at least try to believe that I can do it.

So hopefully, now that all of this has transpired, I hope that on my 21st birthday, I'll be getting ready to move to Atlanta to start a job at an actual dance studio. Either that, or a dance studio here in Auburn. Either way, I want to be working my dream job at 21.

Yep..yep it does...and it feels like hell in emotional form.

So ever since before last FWA, I wanted to enter (and dominate, mind you) the FWA fursuit dance contest. Sadly, I do not own a suit to dance in. *sigh* Dreadful right? Yeah, I thought so as well. I'm pretty sure I'm now committed to going to FWA, but I may want to die if I can't participate in said competition. So what I am proposing, is that I 'rent' a suit for the duration of the contest. Now I know that may not be possible, but I'm still proposing it in the off chance that someone will grant me this wish. I'd prefer a partial...though I won't be picky seeing as how I'm asking a big favor from, well, whomever.

All in all, I can win the contest, but I can't win a contest I can't enter, ya' know? And with things the way they are, I won't be able to save enough for a suit for a while.

If anything, I'll do Furries got talent, or whatever that is. Though, I'm not sure if I need a suit for that or not...I may...but I dunno.

Though, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if my dancing would even look good in a fursuit. I'm sure I could accommodate for the clunky-ness a suit would put on the moves. It's just that over the past couple of months my dancing has become much more precise and detailed with small movements. Those small movements might be lost in a full suit, and tuts will be much more difficult to pull off with hand-paws, not to mention finger tuts and digits. *blinks* And I don't even want to know how I'd do footwork with foot-paws. *shudders* And I might as well forget about breaking in a suit, for fear of damaging the head, mainly because most of my breaking combos end in baby-freezes or suicides. *sigh* It's so much more technical than people let on. I mean, if Mangusu and the others can do it, I'm sure I can as well. Even though Mang's dancing is much more liquid than my own, as I'm a popper at heart.


Basically, I'd be forever grateful that if I went, if someone would let me use their suit in the contest. But if not, I think I'll live. There are still plenty of opportunities to show the con what I got, even if that means breaking it out in the middle of the con floor...which I'm not afraid to do anymore.

Anyways, that's all for now. *wags*

So I've been getting into FL Studio a lot lately. Finally I have something to put notes I play on the piano on, so that I won't forget them. Which is beneficial because I'm thinking about actually finishing a song on it. I'd like to upload the songs I do finish, so keep a look out for those.


In other news, I think I'm over that rut I was in. I'm over the whole, "My parents are going to be mad at me for failing out of school intentionally." I mean, I understand that they will be mad at me for that, because, let's face it, it was a stupid move. I should have just dropped all the classes, but I didn't want to have to pay my student loans when I wasn't getting hours at work. And now that I am getting hours at work, I'm pretty chill about the whole paying loans thing. *shrugs* I dunno, I'm sorta disappointed that I won't have a degree to call my own, but...it's not something that I need unlike others. For instance, I'm probably not going to move out of my apartment because even if I have to pay for the whole thing myself? I can actually manage that. Plus, I'd love to have an extra room to convert into a studio for dancing. If I do decide to move out next August, I'm pretty sure it'll be to a studio apartment or something like that.

Though, *hint Hint HINT* if anyone would like a very stable, non-crazy, doesn't-do-things-that-annoy-you, roommate, hit me up. I'm not too concerned about staying in Auburn anymore either. Especially since I can find a place to work as a cook any place I go (which is number 2 in my dream-job listings). So huzzah for that.

Plus I've been thinking about Atlanta as a possible relocation, mainly because it's the dance-hub of the South-East.

All in all, I'm back and ready for action. Though I'd like the action to be non-physical...because I'm sick...and I won't be afraid to sneeze on you.

*wags*

Wow...

Just wow...

So many days, minutes, hours, months, since I've been active on this site.

I don't know what it is really...whether it be my work, or dancing, I just don't have the drive to be as "furry" as I used to be. Hell, I don't even know if I could call myself a furry anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting to the point that I'm tired of things defining me...like if I'm a furry, that's all I can be. Or that I'm a furry first and everything else later.

It just sucks not being able to be partly something in this type of community...because I'm not so much a fan of the art as I am a fan of just the people. Because, let's face it, this is the one community that you can be your absolute self and people wouldn't think twice about it. I mean, sure, there are a lot of creepers out there regardless, but in general, everyone just accepts each others quirks. I mean, being weird is being normal in the fandom.

I don't know if I've told any of the furs that live around me this, but I hate that I haven't really seen them that often...besides the occasional party I'll go to. But it's not like how it was during the summer, when I'd be hanging out with them 3-4 times a week basically.

Maybe I'm ashamed of not being as into the fandom as I was...it's just kinda falling apart right out from under me. Not only do I have to focus a lot more on my work/dancing to make up for not going to school anymore, but also I have to deal with a emotionally stunted and irresponsible sister as my roommate. Who doesn't have a job anymore. And you can kinda figure where I'm going with that.

I just look at all my posts, comments, and art from before and I think to myself, "What the hell happened to you? You used to be so...nice, carefree, fun, and just goofy." I wish I could say that the husky everyone knew, and hopefully loved, is still inside of me somewhere...but I just can't find him. I'm turning back into my highschool self I think....which is NOT a good thing. I'm just finding myself more and more...just...pissed at everything. For instance, when someone complains...I just get angry at them. Or when someone asks a question that I feel is asked because of a lack of common sense, I just want to scream at them. My patience with people in general is wearing so thin that I think I'm going to go insane from my own skeptical thoughts.

And what's worse, I don't know how to fix it all. I don't know what will make me go back to my old self. I wish it were as simple as me just finding someone to be with, or just finding someone to talk to who won't suggest that I do anything, and who would just listen to me vamp. Because, to be frank, I would like it if no one ever gave me advice on anything ever again. Because all it does is piss me off, because no one understands my reasonings behind things, so they just try to get me to do what they advise me to do. And believe me, if so many people hadn't of told me to keep going to school for all the wrong reasons, I probably would've kept going. No one told me to just do it, they just kept saying, "Oh you'll want the degree later," or, "It's always good to have a backup," or even, "You'll meet the people who'll get you jobs."

I only have 2 words for those: Fuck. That. I don't need to go to college for anything. I take 3 years to get the experience teaching dance and getting good at it, and I could basically go to any studio in the country and get a job there. And I could care less about having a 6 figure salary. About a month ago, after it was too late to resume going to classes (as I was already far behind to begin with), I thought to myself..."I might as well go to school, though it won't necessarily help me? It couldn't hurt to do it." Sadly, I couldn't come up with that thought before I stopped going. Though, I'm over the whole school thing. It's really not all that important to me. What's important to me is my job, and my art (dance), and of course my friends and my family. Though my family may just be my sister when my parents find out I'm not going to school anymore. Since that's all they ever wanted out of me.

I've told people about my past, but never really told people about how I'm doing now in depth. But yeah, my parents basically said they didn't care what I did as long as I graduated. Which basically tells me they only want me to graduate so that they don't look bad. And that I could be a failure after I graduated, because then they couldn't be blamed for it. Now, I know that might not be what they meant...but it's how I feel. And now, I have the chance to be someone great, someone that's....well...someone. And all I'll get is ridicule from them...for following my dream.

I suppose I shouldn't care...but...I don't know. I'm trying not to get all worked up about it. I'm already trying to smooth out the bumps in my life as it is, I really don't want to add a hill to the mix...if that analogy made sense...if not...then..well...bite me. ;3


As always, thanks for reading...those of you who did. And to all the skimmers out there...thanks for the effort.

Okay so with school/work I'm finding a small frame of time allowed for my art. I haven't really had time to work on anything artistic, let alone just any project for myself. I'm still accepting commissions, but I think I'm going to only do a few at a time, maybe 2-3. Even now that seems like too many. You kinda have to start working with me on stuff you request. If I'm not getting paid, I'm most likely going to be putting it on the bottom of my priority list, meaning you may not have it for a couple of weeks, if at all. I'm just being honest here. My school/work life comes before my social life, and my social life comes before my furry art life.

I'm just trying to not let the fact that I am a furry dominate who I am, ya' know. I don't want to be one of those people that makes that a defining factor of who I am. Possibly due to my anthropology professor basically calling me out on it yesterday near the end of class. If it comes up again, yeah I'll admit to it, but I'm not going to let that rule what I do or do not say in class.

Anyways, talk to you all later.

Woof.

~What if?~

● I died:
● I kissed you:
● I fell:
● I lived next door to you:
● I showed up at your house unexpectedly:
● I stole something:
● I was murdered:
● I cried:
● I asked you to marry me:
● I was hospitalized:

~What do you think about my~

● Personality:
● Eyes:
● Hair:
● Family:
● Smile:

~Would you~

● Trust me enough to sleep in the same bed as me?
● Keep a secret if i told you one?
● Hold my hand?
● Study with me?
● Cook for me?
● Love me?
● Date me?
● Have sex with me?

~Have you ever ~

● Lied to make me feel better?
● Wanted to kiss me?
● Wanted to kill me?
● Broke my heart?
● Thought I was unbearably annoying?
● Hated me?
● Wanted to tell me something but didn't?
● Wondered about my sanity?
● Wanted to do something to me?

~More ~

● When and how did we meet?
● Describe me in three words.
● What was your first impression of me?
● What do you think of me now?
● What reminds you of me?
● Could you see us together forever?
● When's the last time you saw me?
● Are you gonna re-post this to see what I say about you?