No...

Serry to desapoint some people, i did not leaving FA, i am just followinf the lead of someone that, for my part i consider a good friend and event a little sister in some way, because i care for her but also some time thing did not alway go alone and we just have to go in a separate way.

Any way, i am leaving for Japan in 3 days... i did lot of traveling so far, but this time it much different... usualy, what was motivating my traveling was to meet in real life i made in virtual world (internet)... now i am going in japan with a friend i know very well in real life, but to a place where i know no one, that i did not speak the language, with lot diferent coutume and reality... event physicly i will be kind of a outcast... i am 6`1" and i will say the average japanes probably be arond 5` - 5`6" , and sadly i am not enoug big to pass for a sumo anymore lol... but who know, maybe cute woman will try to touch me for luck any way:P

Any way... event if i thing the plane is the safer way to travel.... it 14 hours just to go there, so event if the plane did not crash, i have a good chance to die from boringness :) Seriouly i thing event if i know i will come back it did not heurt to say a few thing like it was my last day on this earth....

I am a prety reserved guy for people i did not know well, i also could be a verry enoying one for people who know me, i realy did not mean to be one of there two thing... that just what i am, a social outcast that did not have way with people interaction, so if i be mean to anyone or seam i did not care it not true.... i just not good i expressing my self, and i am alway open to speak to anyone who wish to do so with me.

I am realy sorry Sammy and Paul for what happen, i was realy sad that i have to change my plant about FE, but i asume my responsability and the fact that i am stupidly, but i want you both to know that i still care very muche about you two, specialy after the tragical dead of Lillians, i just realy with to hugs you and Paul realy tight to confort you bots, but i respect your choices.

To everyone else, try to live your life at 110%, if thing seam hard and life seam to go again you, do not give up... i personaly beleive that life it like a year at school... do you best and try to have the best score as possible, respecting everyone, including your self... you may think you score low... but life it not about point but life experience, if you hade it hard and be able to stay on your 2 foot you can be realy proud of your self..... if you decide to give up, the only one who will lose will be your self. because if you give up before leaning the teaching that life have to give you, you will probably have to come back and living it all over again...

That my way of seeing life, it keep me from losing my self in dispere... it maybe the true or simply a fake perseption i have of life... but thing is that you have to adopt what best work for you

Ferewell felow Fury, i hope to see some of you soon at the WTFut in montreal

Event if it still feeling like we are in the middle january sense it so cold for the season, april coming realy fast, at the exacte same time in 2 week, i will be bording my first plane from quebec to toronto, then a little later my second plane for a 14 hours flight to japan... honestly i start to be a little more nervous then i was so far...

I hope i will have time to finish my fursuit before leaving, that will help taking off with my mind at peace, there still so much to do and so little time. I almost finish to test my hardware for the animatronic part, so far so good, after that i will be able to incorporate it to the fursuit head skeleton and i will finaly be able to put some fur on this baby:)

I hope everything will work

Good week everyone

It the last day of work for one of my colegue, she going for her retirement... I am kind of not sure if i shoud be happy or sad for her. She someone who realy like her job, first because she kind of a workaolic but also because she have some trouble with her husban, the guy did not work and is kind of parano... so she have to report to him all the time like a criminal in probation... he call like 10 time a day.... it easy to ear because they are Vietnamese and went he call they alway speak in ther native language...

We decided to take the afternoon off so we could go play pool... to be autorise she hade to agree to give my phone number and the one of my friend so he could call us and check if it true and he did... the guy is totaly parano and i am a little scare of what wold happen went she leave the job and stay at home 24/7

All that also have impact on work live, because she was one of the persone who was doing 24/7.. now then she gone, the job hade be dispatched to the rest of us... this month i am doing 2 week on 4 of the 24/7 suport... yes it more money, but it also stressing and taking my freedom away....

Good new is that next mon it my trip to japan with my friend.... we never be that long together, and it probable that we will got on eatch other nerve realy quickly lol, but i am sur we will have lot of fun... for me it was a one in a life time oportunity, but for him it probable the first of many trip there....

We will be there just in time for the chery tree festival, what promess to be awsome...

Hooo and i will like to know if any one will be interested to watch a streaming of me making my animatronic fursuit? because i could alway use new idea and also if any one are interested to add some animatronic to there fursuit i will be most the happy to show you what i have foud so far

have a nice week, and for the one at the Furnal Equinox have a awsome furcon

Yesterday i buyed Big hero 6 movie on Blue ray, i watch it today, and i also watch a documantary on how they make the movie, and i was realy amuse by some onf the fact in designing Baymax charater.

Most hero movie are mostly a transfiguration from the comic to the movie, with the same base story and carater that hade be twisted a little to fit the big screen....

In this way Big hero 6 it mostly different, charater story hade be twisted a little, specialy Baymax, from what i have see, he was from the start in the comic mad as kind of bodygard, but in the movie, he is more like a ballon nurse who be transformed in hero.

Enoug about the movie, that you realy should see by the way if you have not yet.... What the link betwen diaper and the big hero 6? Well from what the guy say in the documentary, disnew was trying to find the cutess way for Baymax to walk, to make it cute as possible, do not forget it disney, all ther character need to be cute:) So they study all animal walking in hope to find the cutess way for Baymax to movie.... finaly they find that a toddler in diaper was from far the cutess way to walk... the animator specify a toddle in a Full load diaper:)

So, if you watch the movie and find that Baymax walk like he was wearing a full diaper.... well it normal:P

So it set,

My first furcon will be at the Montréal What the Fur in may,

I will stay 2 nights at the hotel and one at my friends house in Laval. i guess it the best choice for a first event, i am sur to have lot of fun there.

I finaly decided to cancel my trip to FE, i cancel the cheap hotel room i had found and just make the request to have my refund for the inscription feet... but if someone interested, i still have my reservation for a room at the main hotel, just one king size bed, but if you are in despesperate search for one, maybe it possible to tranfert the reservation to someone else.... if interested send me a note today, if i did not get anything i will just cancel it tomorow.

It realy sad, i was realy exiting to go there, but some time life seam to have other plan for use.

Have a nice week

First i am sorry, i just deeply sorry, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" is not just a old say, specialy here on the internet and it social network. On internet is like a paralel universe of the real life, be some time it easy to forget it... We alway have to be carefull not to forget this thing, i make this mistake a few time in my life, that alway make me and other people suffer.

Give advice if asked, help by sending money if you want, as long as you realise went gived, hoever if it a for legitimit or a false reason this money is gone, but do not get involve in some one real life bisness if you did not established a stable frienship relation in real life. You only risk to make people suffer...

As result of my action, i decided to cancel my trip to Furnal Equinox, i just not wanted there any more... i give my self the weekend before canceling the hotel room and maybe ask for a refund on my event pass. I am realy sad because it was suposend to be my first furcon....

On the bright side, it will give me time ton concentrate on my traveling to japan and live me more money to have fun there, also i may start may start with a little smaller furcon in Montreal, if anyone planing to go to the What the Fur con, please let me know.

Thank you for reading

Yeah... the old guy is me,

And yes i am nostagic from the 80e..... whent thing was making sense... music was good, Michel Jackson was black and proud to be, and also the best dam signer...

We was using our phone to call people, not to play game, send SMS or brows the internet.

I miss the time went i could have few day of fun just as playing a game that have only 2 line and a giant pixel.

The time went tyou could be stupid and do not worry about it, because you will not have a online army to point out everything that is wrond with you online.

I miss went Star war was the new cool awsome movie the revolusionating the scy-fiction not only a Disney market product.

The time went Lego was a brick that could be use to make everything your imagination could dream of, not just pre-determined form of a big franchise.

The time where baby was baby and diaper was real diaper, think like a diaper was suposed to be, plastic coverres like a diaper should be.... why? because beleive is or not, diaper are made to keep the pee in is, and everyone on the earth know that if you put a peace of cloth in liquide, well it get weet and squishy.... but today, new born baby ha to llok like they are already poty train with ther cloth covered diaper....

We did not let baby and kids to be baby and kids any more, they have to be adult before they event walk or talk, that why we talk to them this way......*sing*

ok, i am drunk.... and lissening to s specialyse 80e music radio.... but well i kind of miss the 80e... i was a neard them because i was one of the only one arond using a personal computer and liking it...

I was full of hope about my future... kids, great job, lot of friend, life pation.... well i guess i miss something on the why because thos thing never happen.


have nice end of weekend

I stole this from  toddlergirl who crosspost it from  babystar who stoling it from  grayfoxgree .... the cycle of life is complete;)

Where are you staying?
Quality suite Toronto Airport (700m from the main hotel) (I still have a reservation at the main hotel, if someone interested i could be see if i can tranfer it)

When will you be arriving and leaving?
Arriving Thursday, leaving Monday, not sure what time

Who will you be rooming with?
Nobody

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
I have no idee, probably fursuiting arond the hall, visithing arcade and dealer place, also meet friend, old and new one.

What/where will you be eating?
All depend if i am alone or not, i will see went there.

Will you be having a room party?
I hope to go to party if i am on the guest list, but i dout people will come to my hotel for party, but i am alway open:)

Will you be drinking and/or getting drunk?
I am not a big drinker, but probably a little.... but not getting drunk, i will be there to have fun, not ruin everyonr else fun:)

PERSONAL STUFF
What is your gender?
Male

How tall are you?
6 foot 1

If I approach you, will you chat with me?
I will surly try, but english is not my first language, so i may search my world some time, also i have some hearing probleme, mostly went it have too much background noise, so, specialy if i am in fursuit, you may have to repete your self some time:/

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Just talk to me, you can call me by my name (Stephan) or by my fursona name (Alganbord) that should do the trick

How many furry conventions have you attended?
That will be the first, so be patiente with me:)

Do you own a fursuit?
Yes and no, I am making my own right now, i just hope it will be finish before FE... I may skip a few detail if i am too shourt in time

PERMISSIONS
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In persone, if i know you, sure, if not, i probably prefer to know you better first.... if in fursuit, yes alway hugs went i am fursuiting

For the snuggle, i am not sure what it mean, so i will guess same answer that for the hugs:)

How can I find you?
I probably the guy who will wandering alone, checking stuff from fare, if i am in fursuit, check for the big gray mouse who having fun with people (i am kind different personne went i wering costume or fursuit)

Can I buy you drinks?
Probably not.

Can I look in your sketchbook?
If i have one at the time i will not mind.

Can I take your picture?
In fursuit, sure... if in personne all depend, just ask first ok?

MISCELLANEOUS
Do you do do free art, trades, commissions, badges?
Seriously, i did not know, i may be in plush commission one day, but i probably not before the FE

Do you have a table in the Artist Alley / Dealer's Den or a panel in the Art Show? If so, what are you selling?
nope, no table

Do you plan to volunteer?
Note this years, but maybe one days it something i will realy like.

Well, i guess that all.... i do not know much people who are coming so do not esitate to contact me if you like to meet there.

I was planing on working on my fursuit this last weekend... finaly it did not happen, i did get to the fabric store to get some cheap fabrick that i could use to make my patern with and maybe a try or two of the body suite, but after all i just play magic the gathering 2015 video game all weekend, and have a solo chiness fondu on saterday dinner, including a full bottle of red win... not brite for a diabetes guy...

I must kick my butt to finish it before mars, if any one like to cheer me out, that alway welcome:)

What is worse then be alone.... Be alone, knowing why and be unable to do anything about it.

Hello,

I decided to add my twiter and yahoo message address on my page. For twiter, i wish to start posting, probably most of the post will be about my fursuit making, sense i realy could use some advice and comments, also i am kind of lonely, also it probably be useful went i start doing fur events.

For Yahoo, if you send me a friend request, please just add something so i can know who you are, i had kind of rely bad experience latly.

Yahoo: llesais[at]yahoo.com
Twiter alganbord

Simple question, who is planing to go to the Furnal Equinox in Mars?

Sense i am a plushie maker and that most of my FA friend are AB, i was curious about what personalty you think you plushie will have if he or she was a live?

If you want to answer, give some detail or a picture link, that will be more fun:)

Sense i ask the question, i will also answering my self:

Nildia( my favorite, i made her 4 time on plushie form)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10334124/

She probably be realy adventurous and fear less, but alway ready to get back for a hugs.

What about your:)?

Happy new years te everyone!

Thank you at the people who hade visited my page in the last few year, for a populard personne that will not be that much, but for me who did not realy post much art it a lot, so big thank everyone!

This december was realy quiet one, i did not go to any holiday party or meal, exept for yesterday at my friend house, went i was the only guest for diner. But i am not realy that disapointed, i prefer to be alone at my place then feeling alone in a famely party that i did not wish to be.:)

Right i am under the sun in florida, it realy cool to pass from -20c to 20c, but it put mostly my fursuit project on hold for a week, i just hope to be able to finish it before mars 2015 for the FE in toronto.

Have a nice week everyone

In the last few year, i had experienced lot of problem at my work and personal life... At first i find out i had diabetes, to be honest it was not rely a surprise, i was drinking at less 2 liters of soft drink a day, and that with out counting the potato chip, chocolate and more then occasionally junk food... let just say i surly run after what hit me back.

So i blame lot of thing on my diabetes, but now then i lost lot of weight, eat less junk food and totally stop the non-diet soft drink, i still have some strange symptom that i could not blame on it anymore sense it well control...

So i was watching documentary last night talking about Adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or Adult ADHD, and it was rely scary, because i will say i have 90% of the decrived symptom, like hard time to focus on a task, always tired, feeling of guilt, hopelessness, low self-esteem, unhappiness, difficulty to pay attention, give up easely, low tolerance to stress.... the only thing that did not fit is that i was not hyper active went i was young, yes i did have some problem in school, but i always blame it on the fact i was hating school and be bullied there.

Usually i am again pill for metal problem, but i may not have a choice if i do not wish to get back in depress, i will probably check with my family doctor, if ther anything that could help me to get back on track

I decided to post update on my home made fursuit progress, not realy to inform the world of my progress but much more to help me, kicking my own butt to make some progress:) So i will try to post one every week, so if nothing advance, everyone would know that i am a lazy guy who did not work on his own project.

ANIMATRONIC

---

Main Board - Prototype working, still have few soldering to check

=================== 90%

Remote Controle - Already made 2 prototype, first was not working, the secon was working but was not ergonomically to fit in the paws and i am working on the last one, it should be made soon and the design is promessing

=============== 75%

Eyes Opening - I was working on the concept how to make the eye close, i buy the needed material to make a try, but nothing more so far

==== 20%

Moving eye bow - To add on the facial expression, i decided to make moving eye bow, still just a concept, and i will have to work on a way to make it working with the eyes part, what could be a little problem sense i have to find where to put the servo motor.

== 10%

Moving Tail - That was the first concept i was working on, but i did not work more on it sense i wish to concentrate on the head, the major problem is to find the way to link the servo to a spherical part so i could have more extension possibility in the tail, and that with out steeling all the place i need to put the actual tail... rely hard to explain, any way, it not much advanced, i just have the concept.

== 10%

Binding ear - I worked hard on the concept, i made a prototype yesterday and it seam to work, just 2 point i am not sure yet... first i am not sure if the servo motor will be enough strong to do the job, second i did not cover it with fure yet, so i hope it will not make the binding harder once in place

================== 90%

Accessory - I have the OLED screen working, i got temp sensor, all the cable for the servo and the control, i have the Bluetooth working, i also buy many temps sensor to test what will work best, also thinking about adding a clock, so i could see time inside the fursuit head and maybe add alarm so i will not be late if i am planing to attend on event during a convention.

=============== 80%


HEAD

---

The head shape is done, i made the nose, I have the eyes (Big thank to  toddlergirl who did made3 them for me) just need to print them, ears mostly finished, the fan in in the mussel, the jaw is working, but i have loot of foaming to do and fur to add, but i have all the part i need, also it mostly dependent of the animatronic part, sens i have to add lot of servo and control before event beginning to foam and fur it

====== 30%


BODY

---

Paws - Mostly finished, just have to decide if i trim them or not, and maybe add claws

================== 90%

Feet - Nothing done yet, i will work on it soon

0%

Tail - just the concept, after the animatronic part will be done that will be a blast to make... i hope

== 10%

Clothing -n I will make a cape and few accessory, i have the material but did not start to work on it yet

== 10%

IT mostly all

Yep, it out!

I was not supposed to buy it just now, but sense 2 of my friends just did, i simply join the club... i am kind of a sheep went it about playing video games with friend... they can make me buy anything and they know it:P

So i probably a little busy for this weekd and weekend, and knowing my self, probably for a couple of month to lol (not that i was that much active there.

I cant wait to play clap trqp, and i am sure i am not the only one hehe.

Hi,

Generally on Tuesday, some of my FA post a journal encouraging people to ask them question... for some reason non had post one so far today... So i guess it my turn to try:)

I am not the popular type, so i do not expect much question, but i will be glade to be proved wrong:)

So you can ask me any question about me.

Hello world (andurino joke) or hello to the few to 0 people who decide to read this journal.

Yep. i am drunk, that was not planed, but my mom realy piss me off today... it kind hard to explain with out a little context....

Went i was a young adult, 23yo i think, i get kick out of the house in a realy twisted way.... my parent sold the house we was living in and move out a few week before me, i was suposed to to move with them, but at the last minute, juste after i tell my boss i was quiting, my mom tolm me that i could not come and that was my father decision.... she was crying... but claming that was me or her..... so i just get push out in the street.... finding a room to rent in a cave with lot of bug, that where my live alone begin....


few hour ago my mom call, meanly with the same senario, exept my mon was saying that my father was kind of in bad mood for day, and they only thing that coul make him of is that i change something on his fu*** website that i make for them.... I hate that, went i made this website they claim it was worse less and they did not need it, i give them lot of great idea, but refuse most of them... went i ask them what they want on it, they simply told me that i should do it like i think it best.... so they did not fu***ing care....

So i hate working on this fu***ing site, and now my mom use the same excuse she used went they throw me in the street to make me work on it..... i planed all my day to work on my fursuit, this just totaly drop me down... i was not suposed to drink... but i was feeling so down then i decided to go get some chiness fondu and a bottle of red wine... i drink it all in less then a hour... sadly the happy feeling is already gone...

Any way on the good side, i finaly hade some time to work on my animatronic part of the fur suit, i made a 4 button remote controle and mostly finish my arduino shoild board, i still hade some soldering to do on it, but it become complex, so i have to make sure that i did it right.... no one whant a power sodered with the grond did we.... exept if you wish to fry a few battely and electrinic part:)

Any way it kind of ambitious project, sense i included bluetooth, oled screen, fan, servo motor and temp sensor... but i think it will be awsome went finish, if i can have some time to work on it and that my parent finaly leave me alone...

Mouse out

Yesterday was the first rely cold day sens the spring, except for some rainy day.... in fact it was cold and sunny, the kind of weather that simply boost me up...

The fact is that i work best went it cold, between 18C and 20c is where i am at my peek, yesterday i started the impossible task to clean my apartment, seriously that was a total mess, lot of dirty dishes everywhere, pill of electronic stuff on the table, plastic bag and paper everywhere, the floor was nor better, full of random thing in plastic bac or just laying on the floor...Seriously.... a MESS!!!!

So i pass all of my day cleaning, i was like full of energy compare to the fews last month where i was kind of depress and without energy...

Did i am the only one that get energy from colder weather?

Any way, went i will finish cleaning, i will be able to finally get back to work on my fursuit, about that i am rely exited, because today, or tomorow i should recive my micro OLED display, this thing is awesomely small like .96" and should fit inside my fursuit head just betwen my eye in the nose, it have a 128X64 pixel, so it will be enough to display all info on the animatronic part, EX: Mood , position of the eyes , the ears and the tail. Also i will ass a temp sensor in the head that will control the fan, went it got over Xc the fan will start and stop went it drop under, of coarse then temps will be show on the OLED screen, so i could keep tract...

Like you See the possibility are infinite, so i have to refrain my self, because right now, i working too much on the animatronic\arduino part and not enoug on the fursuit it self, what is worry my a little.

Also... i am working on a stand alone animatronic tail base, that did not use micro controler and is realy basic, so probably realy cheap to produce and sell to people who like one... so i will like to know if any one have interest for that.... basicly the tail will sweep from side to side in a regular movement with a control for the speed... i could make it got up and down too, but i will need a controler in this case, so maybe a little more costy.

The bad new is that i am drunk... good news i am not driving :)

Why i am drunk?, well i just drink a full red wine bottle in less then a hour, and a prety good wine i must say.... and why did i drink that much? because i was having a solo chiness fondu, whaht is my favorit meal of all time, and why i was eating this awsome meal alone you will ask?, well, i rarely have invitation, and hard to get people to come here for diner, so i just decided to make my self happy by making my favorite meal just for my self, and drink this awsome wine.... guesst that i did not have, you realy do not know what you hade missed;)

My last journal was not a positive one, but i will not deny it or be sorry because i wrote it, because it how i was feeling, and still fit a little bit like... But i think it important to expresse your self, not just in the positive moment but also in the dark one, not be cause i wish people pity or to be cheering, no, simply because it hade to get out, if it did not and i keep it in side, well it will just geting worse...

In fact, if i was realy wishing attention, i will have call my parents or talk about it to my doctor or any one more then happy to lissen to me so they could throw ther advice at me, what people usely do went you come to them with your probleme, and yeah.... i am no exeption, i do the same my self.

But any way i feel better now, event if i have a terrible back pain for like 2 weeks. I start working again on my fursuit projet, I odered more electronic part for the animatronic, but so far i have all i need to start, i event beggin making my prototype board and i am much better as soldering then i was expecting.

Also i started to play with "magic" modeling clay, i did make the nose and it not look too bad, i probably use it for the teeth and maybe de paws pads, i will see.

So i will probably post a few pic went it more advance.

I am seriously tired, in all way, i get up every week day betwen 5h00 and 5h30 am, go to work and be back betwen 4h30 and 5h00 pm... I do not realy have a phisical job, i just sit in front of the computer all day long, reading email, making phone call, working on stuff.... i realy hate my job, it probably what draim me the most eatch day...

I am also emotionaly drained too, i just did not see where i am going and why i should continu... do not be worry, i just did not belive that suicide is a answer any more, for me it would be like just be erasing all but having to face the same difficulty again in a next life, so for me it will be worse. But this F***ing life have absolutly no meaning, i am alone, but went i tryed to be with someone it was feeling event worse, i do not realy have friend that i could realy count on, but i could not realy blam them sense i am not realy some you can count on.

I have lot of idea in my head, thing i will like to get out, but i am just unable too... latly i never finish what i am starting, I just hade so much lack in confidence, determination and talent... Alone i am nothing, with other i working better but it never last...

So, this morning i was home, trying to clean a little, but not realy having the head to it.... I was wishing to work on my fursuit, but i did not feel like it either... I just came close to cry for no reason, this time i could not blame the pills, because i was out of it for more then 2 weeks, no, i am just depress and sad.

I am 41yo now, and i honesly feel thos 41 years was a total wast of time