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Moving
Posted a year agoPhysically anyway. Going to be moving to the Ottawa area for work. I tried looking up if there are any furry groups I could try to connect with, but the only one I found was a twitter group that last posted in early 2020, saying they were disbanding all meets due to covid. Discord is a nightmare to find anything relevant, and the last time I tried the "old fashioned" way of meeting furries (fox sticker at a board game night at the local store) was something like ten years ago, and was more random luck than anything else.
I'm 35; not old by most measures, but by what I've seen of furry stuff that makes me ancient. How do people find eachother these days? If anybody is interested in extending an {appendage} of friendship, drop me a DM. This isn't a sex thing; I know nobody in the area and it'll get lonely fast if I rely on work for friendships.
I'm 35; not old by most measures, but by what I've seen of furry stuff that makes me ancient. How do people find eachother these days? If anybody is interested in extending an {appendage} of friendship, drop me a DM. This isn't a sex thing; I know nobody in the area and it'll get lonely fast if I rely on work for friendships.
To the cat furry in Elm Creek
Posted 2 years agoI've never met you, and I probably won't. You probably won't even see this. I don't even know your name, and for your privacy's sake, I won't try to find it out.
I heard that you exist from several very incredulous people. "Man, did you hear? There's this person who identifies as a fukkin cat". You're very brave for being publicly a furry in such a conservative area. I wish you luck in dispelling the rumors that the school is installing litter boxes just for you. I don't live there, but I have family that does. They're just as weirded out as everyone else (guess their memory is bad, since I've told them that I'm a fox before), but they're good people. I hope you safety and acceptance; it's pleasant to know that small towns are just as full of us animal people as the cities are!
And if you're not a furry, then I hope you find the rest of us soon, before the townspeople convince you that you ARE weird and wrong. I don't know if I'll be any help to you, but if you feel the need please send me a note.
I heard that you exist from several very incredulous people. "Man, did you hear? There's this person who identifies as a fukkin cat". You're very brave for being publicly a furry in such a conservative area. I wish you luck in dispelling the rumors that the school is installing litter boxes just for you. I don't live there, but I have family that does. They're just as weirded out as everyone else (guess their memory is bad, since I've told them that I'm a fox before), but they're good people. I hope you safety and acceptance; it's pleasant to know that small towns are just as full of us animal people as the cities are!
And if you're not a furry, then I hope you find the rest of us soon, before the townspeople convince you that you ARE weird and wrong. I don't know if I'll be any help to you, but if you feel the need please send me a note.
What do you do?
Posted 8 years agoThis is Furaffinity; I wouldn't be much of a furry if I didn't post updates on how horrible my life is going lately.
To summarize:
1) Still no job, despite weekly bouts of resume-flinging
2) 3 weeks of unemployment payments left
3) condo isn't selling
4) no savings
I'm not an artist, so I can't offer emergency commissions for money, and I don't know anyone here well enough to beg for donations. Honestly, I'm only posting this message because if I don't tell someone, even if it is the nebulous 'internet', I feel like I might just spontaneously combust from stress and depression.
To summarize:
1) Still no job, despite weekly bouts of resume-flinging
2) 3 weeks of unemployment payments left
3) condo isn't selling
4) no savings
I'm not an artist, so I can't offer emergency commissions for money, and I don't know anyone here well enough to beg for donations. Honestly, I'm only posting this message because if I don't tell someone, even if it is the nebulous 'internet', I feel like I might just spontaneously combust from stress and depression.
Not quite writer's block?
Posted 8 years agoI don't know if this qualifies as writer's block, but it's something that's plagued me for years. Wondering if any other authors out there suffer from the same thing.
I have two folders full of old projects; one physical that I haven't touched in a decade, one digital that's almost as old. Both are absolutely overflowing with short concepts and snippets of larger works that I've started, and abandoned. It's not that I don't have ideas, or that I don't know where to go with the ideas. It's just overwhelming. I sit, and the weight of the work squeezes me. I can't work on the project, nothing seems right, or good enough. I'm intimidated by my own ideas; they're all so big that the second I sit down, they sit there like a monolith; something I can appreciate, say is super cool, and wish that I could read about it, but not something that I could ever actually create.
Even small stupid stuff has started doing this. My friends pseudo-comissioned me (I'm not getting paid, but they all want it) to write something called "friend-shipping". I write silly little short stories about them hooking up and making out in horribly exaggerated and unlikely ways. Even something like that is too much for me. Even though nobody has seen most of it, I can feel dozens of eyes judging my work.
I used to think I was pretty alright at writing, but this writer's . . . phobia (?can't think of a better name?) is ruining me. I was unceremoniously ejected from another project (extreme sore spot for me, though I only partially blame the project manager) because of the same issue; I knew exactly where to go with the work, but whenever I sat down, I floundered.
Stream-of-consiousness writing doesn't seem to help either; it all either comes out as useless trash, or ends up being yet another writing prompt idea that I tremble at approaching more seriously. I really want to get back to my old self (jesus, it's been almost a decade), but I don't know how?
I have two folders full of old projects; one physical that I haven't touched in a decade, one digital that's almost as old. Both are absolutely overflowing with short concepts and snippets of larger works that I've started, and abandoned. It's not that I don't have ideas, or that I don't know where to go with the ideas. It's just overwhelming. I sit, and the weight of the work squeezes me. I can't work on the project, nothing seems right, or good enough. I'm intimidated by my own ideas; they're all so big that the second I sit down, they sit there like a monolith; something I can appreciate, say is super cool, and wish that I could read about it, but not something that I could ever actually create.
Even small stupid stuff has started doing this. My friends pseudo-comissioned me (I'm not getting paid, but they all want it) to write something called "friend-shipping". I write silly little short stories about them hooking up and making out in horribly exaggerated and unlikely ways. Even something like that is too much for me. Even though nobody has seen most of it, I can feel dozens of eyes judging my work.
I used to think I was pretty alright at writing, but this writer's . . . phobia (?can't think of a better name?) is ruining me. I was unceremoniously ejected from another project (extreme sore spot for me, though I only partially blame the project manager) because of the same issue; I knew exactly where to go with the work, but whenever I sat down, I floundered.
Stream-of-consiousness writing doesn't seem to help either; it all either comes out as useless trash, or ends up being yet another writing prompt idea that I tremble at approaching more seriously. I really want to get back to my old self (jesus, it's been almost a decade), but I don't know how?
TFW
Posted 8 years agoThat feeling when you're looking at furry art that you remember liking, and it's old enough to buy alcohol in most provinces
I am not ok
Posted 8 years agoI have not been ok for a few months. It's gotten worse. I'm a month behind on my student loans, barely able to make my mortgage, and have to decide between being able to do anything this month, or paying my condo fees. My Employment Insurance runs out at the end of August. I have had exactly one interview in the last year (which I nailed, and was offered a job, only to have the offer revoked when I couldn't start immediately because I was 2hours out of town at my parents' place for the weekend). My teaching certification for Alberta runs out at the end of August as well, unless I get a job and have it renewed.
I'm going to have to sell my condo, and start lying on my resume. Not to make myself look better, but to make it look like I don't have two degrees. I've applied at various retail positions, and been turned away because I'm TOO qualified. I don't want a better job, I just want to be able to work, so I can live.
To top it all off, I'm fat, and the only relationship I've ever been in was a one-night stand that didn't leave in the morning, and decided to stay for two years. This relationship put me off dating and physical intimacy, due to extreme incompatibilities in our likes.
My options right now are 'move in with my parents', which would drive me insane within a week, and 'move in with a friend', which is possible, but only because it would take a month to go crazy instead of a week.
Help. I don't know what to do, or what's going to happen. I had a great job, and lost it. I have two university degrees that I worked years for, and they're useless, no matter how proud of them I am. I don't want to have to move, and leave everyone I know again.
I'm going to have to sell my condo, and start lying on my resume. Not to make myself look better, but to make it look like I don't have two degrees. I've applied at various retail positions, and been turned away because I'm TOO qualified. I don't want a better job, I just want to be able to work, so I can live.
To top it all off, I'm fat, and the only relationship I've ever been in was a one-night stand that didn't leave in the morning, and decided to stay for two years. This relationship put me off dating and physical intimacy, due to extreme incompatibilities in our likes.
My options right now are 'move in with my parents', which would drive me insane within a week, and 'move in with a friend', which is possible, but only because it would take a month to go crazy instead of a week.
Help. I don't know what to do, or what's going to happen. I had a great job, and lost it. I have two university degrees that I worked years for, and they're useless, no matter how proud of them I am. I don't want to have to move, and leave everyone I know again.
Interesting fact
Posted 8 years agoJ'étudie français! Je ne parle pas plus bon, <only been at this for a month, and I'm still at a pretty elementary level>
Nobody to practice with yet, so Duolingo is my best friend.
Nobody to practice with yet, so Duolingo is my best friend.
Concept idea
Posted 9 years agoA thought I've been having. Written down here so I can link people to it, get comments, etc.
So you have a small group, they want to roleplay online, but they're self-consious. Don't really want their friends knowing who they are, or what's going on. Imagine it, everyone makes (at least) one character who isn't them, and can't be linked back to them. There is a social ban on talking about your character for IRL meetings. You basically have two friend-groups for the price of one. It lets people act out other lives, interact, do their Roleplay thing, without the embarrassment of knowing which of their friends they're interacting with.
There'd likely be GM characters, just to get people rolling, and when assistance is needed. For people new to text-based roleplaying, the GM could help them out, show them the ropes, then turn them loose into the world.
Forum based would be the easiest to learn, but a MUD would be more versitile, if a bit harder to learn initially.
So you have a small group, they want to roleplay online, but they're self-consious. Don't really want their friends knowing who they are, or what's going on. Imagine it, everyone makes (at least) one character who isn't them, and can't be linked back to them. There is a social ban on talking about your character for IRL meetings. You basically have two friend-groups for the price of one. It lets people act out other lives, interact, do their Roleplay thing, without the embarrassment of knowing which of their friends they're interacting with.
There'd likely be GM characters, just to get people rolling, and when assistance is needed. For people new to text-based roleplaying, the GM could help them out, show them the ropes, then turn them loose into the world.
Forum based would be the easiest to learn, but a MUD would be more versitile, if a bit harder to learn initially.
Android Development
Posted 9 years agoJust started looking at android app development. It's . . . not simple. Everything seems so fragmented. Maybe it's just because I've been working with C++ for too long, and forgot how java works.
Made the "Hello Android!" echoing program, not sure where to go from here. Might re-create the text-based tower defense I was working on eons ago.
Made the "Hello Android!" echoing program, not sure where to go from here. Might re-create the text-based tower defense I was working on eons ago.
Zootopia interesting fact
Posted 9 years agoJust watched a version of Zootopia I uh . . . obtained . . . through Popcorn Time. Apparently it's from china. The whole thing is in English, with the occasional subtitle. What I found interesting though, is a brief substitution that was made. In one scene, there's a pair of news casters on the TV. A snow leopard, and a moose. (side note, having an actual Canadian newscaster play a moose, bit silly!)
But the Chinese version? No moose. It's still voiced by Peter Mansbridge, but the 'actor' is a panda. Apparently China doesn't know what mooses are?
But the Chinese version? No moose. It's still voiced by Peter Mansbridge, but the 'actor' is a panda. Apparently China doesn't know what mooses are?
This made my week
Posted 9 years agoSo apparently VancouFUR was hosted in the same hotel as a bunch of Syrian refugees. Rather than instant and volatile culture clash, as was expected by arrangers of both parties, they fecking LOVED it! Just goes to show that even furries can be well-behaved sometimes x3
Syrian refugees in Canada got housed in same hotel as VancouFur furry convention and the children loved it
Syrian refugees in Canada got housed in same hotel as VancouFur furry convention and the children loved it
Window Follow-up and extra bits
Posted 10 years agoWell, on the plus side, insurance will cover 1/3 of the cost of my window replacement. On the negative side, every glass place in Calgary seems to be open 9-5, mon-fri. This means that I won't be able to get my window fixed until July, due to work.
It turns out that my doctor had set me up for a Cardiac testing appointment several months ago. I only heard about it from the confirmation phone call yesterday. That left me with two days notice to get time off work. Luckily, the staff is sympathetic. Unluckily, I will be driving back and forth across the city several times in the next couple of days.
Is it just me, or has duct tape gotten a LOT shittier as the years have gone on? I remember when I was young, you needed (NEEDED!) a knife to cut it, and anything you taped together would STAY together, whether you wanted it to or not. I bought a roll last weekend, and it was horrible!
1) I could tear it with my fingers easily
2) It didn't stick to my cardboard at first, because the cardboard was slightly dusty.
3) After parking the car in the sun, the tape let go entirely; I came back to find the cardboard over the window hanging loose.
IN case there was any doubt whether I had bought the real thing, or some cheap knock-off, I bought 3M duct tape. The original company that made the stuff for a civilian market. Dafuq, quality?
It turns out that my doctor had set me up for a Cardiac testing appointment several months ago. I only heard about it from the confirmation phone call yesterday. That left me with two days notice to get time off work. Luckily, the staff is sympathetic. Unluckily, I will be driving back and forth across the city several times in the next couple of days.
Is it just me, or has duct tape gotten a LOT shittier as the years have gone on? I remember when I was young, you needed (NEEDED!) a knife to cut it, and anything you taped together would STAY together, whether you wanted it to or not. I bought a roll last weekend, and it was horrible!
1) I could tear it with my fingers easily
2) It didn't stick to my cardboard at first, because the cardboard was slightly dusty.
3) After parking the car in the sun, the tape let go entirely; I came back to find the cardboard over the window hanging loose.
IN case there was any doubt whether I had bought the real thing, or some cheap knock-off, I bought 3M duct tape. The original company that made the stuff for a civilian market. Dafuq, quality?
Fecking Kids
Posted 10 years agoSo some kids smashed my car window last night. Little shits didn't even bother to steal anything; they just smashed the rear passenger window and took off. Spent the better part of two hours filing a police report and insurance claim. Hopefully the insurance will cover the cost, otherwise I'm out $300 for replacing the thing. Assuming you can even GET a window for a 2000 Chevy Malibu anymore x.x
Oh, and it's supposed to rain today. Fun.
Oh, and it's supposed to rain today. Fun.
Decision
Posted 10 years agoDecided to not go to Fur Eh. It will still be there for me in a year when I can afford to go, unlike some things in my past TT.TT
Fur-Eh 2
Posted 10 years agoI'm starting to get major cold-feet for going to this con. I'd be going alone, don't know anybody there, and have no clue if I'd enjoy myself. That is a LOT of money to spend on something I don't even know if I'll have fun with.
I need to decide in the next hour or so whether or not I'm cancelling; otherwise I have to pay for a night in the hotel anyway.
I need to decide in the next hour or so whether or not I'm cancelling; otherwise I have to pay for a night in the hotel anyway.
Fur-Eh!
Posted 10 years agoSo yeah, I'm goan to do my first furry con this weekend! Fur-Eh in Edmonton! It's about 400 fuzzies, and is only 3 hours away from here :)
Dunno what to expect, and due to the fact that I have a fulltime job, I miss the "Babbys First Con" panel, I'm a little intimidated. Any suggestions from you seasoned con-goers?
Dunno what to expect, and due to the fact that I have a fulltime job, I miss the "Babbys First Con" panel, I'm a little intimidated. Any suggestions from you seasoned con-goers?
MOTHS man x.x
Posted 10 years agoI am sick and tired of these fecking moths.
A few months ago, some moths somehow found their way into my apartment. No clue how, but there weren't many. I didn't see it as a problem. Now, it seems they laid eggs somewhere, and there are fecking moths EVERYWHERE. It's to the point that I can't leave a cup of water beside the bed when I sleep without finding two or three dead moths in it the next morning. At least cooking causes enough of an updraft that they can't land on my food. The darn things even land on the TV when it's on. I guess they like the warmth or something?
I still haven't found their food source, so no clue how they're staying alive. Going to WalMart today to get some bug spray. Hopefully I can get them before this generation lays eggs.
A few months ago, some moths somehow found their way into my apartment. No clue how, but there weren't many. I didn't see it as a problem. Now, it seems they laid eggs somewhere, and there are fecking moths EVERYWHERE. It's to the point that I can't leave a cup of water beside the bed when I sleep without finding two or three dead moths in it the next morning. At least cooking causes enough of an updraft that they can't land on my food. The darn things even land on the TV when it's on. I guess they like the warmth or something?
I still haven't found their food source, so no clue how they're staying alive. Going to WalMart today to get some bug spray. Hopefully I can get them before this generation lays eggs.
Good Things Happen . . .
Posted 10 years ago. . . when you least expect them. I've been keeping it somewhat to myself, but I guess it's time to come out and say it. I've got me a boyfriend. He randomly messaged me on a furry message board for Alberta, and we got together at the weekly board game night. Apparently he was making eyes at me across the table all night, and I was too clueless to notice. Between our second 'date' (we went for a walk downtown. I wore the wrong shoes and nearly snapped my ankles off), and the flirting on Skype, it finally sank in.
We've been seeing each other since December now. I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't have an empty apartment anymore. Everyone, give a warm welcome to
silatuyok !
We've been seeing each other since December now. I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't have an empty apartment anymore. Everyone, give a warm welcome to
silatuyok !A Personal Revelation
Posted 11 years agoFair warning, I will be talking about sex, sexuality, my own body, and my opinions. If this doesn't interest you, feel free to return to your pornings eslewhere.
I have had a lot of time to myself lately, and as usual that means that I have done a lot of thinking. In a conversation with a close friend, the topic of sexuality and turn-ons came up. A good hour and a lot of chatting later, and I came to a realization about myself. I think that I might be asexual.
But foxybutt; does that mean you don't like sex? What about all the porns I saw in your fave list before you hid it?
Like all questions involving sexuality, it's not a simple answer. The short answer is 'no, I don't really crave the sex act'. If you're looking for a TL;DR answer, that's it. I don't want sex for its own sake. I know it's easy for me to say that, having never experienced it, but I think it's a valid answer. Growing up, almost everyone I've talked to has had one celebrity (human or furry) that they just get instant (lady)boners for. Sex is used to peddle everything from sandwiches to vibrating rubber cocks shaped like the Virgin Mary. I just find that the thought of sex as an act by itself isn't a turn-on for me at all.
That being said, I'm still human (contrary to popular belief around here). I still have hormones, I still get awkward erections, and I still masturbate on a regular basis. To say that I don't enjoy it would be incorrect. I do; but it's not the deep enjoyment that seemingly everyone I speak to gets. It feels nice while I'm doing it, but when I'm finished, there is no 'afterglow'. I don't enjoy masturbation any more than I enjoy sneezing. It feels nice, and now I can get back to what I was doing before I started.
But I thought you said you were bisexual before? You can't just change like that, it confuses me!
Honestly, I don't see it as a change. I am equally attracted to both physical genders, and more or less equally to different sexual mindsets. In other words, I'm not really physically attracted to anything in particular. I'm not really turned off by specific genders either though, so I guess by a purely physical explanation, that would make me bisexual.
Let's back up; you said before that you didn't want sex, but you also said that you don't mind sex. What gives?
This is where things get complicated. I don't really get turned on by sexual things. Yeah, naked bodies are nice to look at (furry or otherwise), but so are landscapes. I don't crave sex, but I DO crave intimacy.
Buh? Isn't that the same thing?
No, it's really not. Sex is an act, intimacy is a mindset. For the sake of simplicity, I will use the phrase 'turn on' in this section. I mean it as something I enjoy on a deep emotional level, not in that it causes me to pop a boner.
My biggest turn-on is feeling desired. I love it when someone close to me tells me I'm beautiful/hot/cute/a nice piece of ass. One of my favorite things is when someone I like leaves me a message on Skype without me saying 'hi' first. Or when someone gives me a gift for no reason (is not christmas, birthday, or payment for something I did for them). The other end is true as well. I love surprising people with presents, and seeing/hearing their happiness. I talk to my friends/partner daily, as often as I can. The best thing that someone can do for me is to let me into their life at the deepest levels. I crave the feeling of being so comfortable with someone that I can do or say anything, and know that they will be alright with it. That I trust them so deeply that they can do or say anything to me and feel the same safety. This is where sex comes into it. I don't seek sex as an act; if I were to ever try it, it would be as a symbol of that deep intimacy I spoke about. I would love and trust that person so much that my body is theirs. They trust me the same, and we can enjoy everything that we can offer each other. Sure, the sensations would probably feel nice, but I would enjoy the emotional close-ness of the act as much - if not more - than I would the 'rubby rubby squirty squirty'
I would like to share a story with you. I won't name names, but the individual involved knows who they are.
A year ago, I was involved with someone. Everything I talked about above, I felt. We were close, could say almost anything to each other. Though we had minimal face-to-face contact via webcam, I felt that we were a good match, and would likely stay together for a long time. We role-played a little online, though it rarely went past e-cuddling. Then, they stopped talking to me. At first, it was that school stressed them out, and they couldn't find the time to come on to Skype. Then it was that their other friends were stressing them out, and that they had no desire to come online. They withdrew, cutting me out of their life. I later talked to them and found that they were trying to shield me from the pain and stress they were going through, that they wanted to work it out on their own. I know it wasn't their intention, but that was what hurt me the most. It wasn't the silence, or the promises that fell through. It was that they felt the need to hide themselves from me. That they didn't feel comfortable enough to let me be with them at their lowest moment.
When I finally realized that I was effectively being dumped, the thoughts I went through might have been alien to many people. It wasn't "damn, now I won't get to hit that ass", or anything of the like. It wasn't the thought of them now potentially being interested in someone else. What hurt the most was that I wouldn't get to feel that zip of seeing them come online. That I wouldn't be able to e-cuddle up with them on a cold and sad night. I never really wanted them physically in any more than a passing manner. I was in love with being in love, and having that torn away has changed me.
I don't fit in with most of the furries I know. Even those who are happily mated and aren't trying to hook up, I find myself being a bit of an outsider. Everyone I talk to seems to either know me in a professional quality, or has been trying to get into my pants. I don't know how to start a relationship that is based on the relationship itself, not the sex that might come later.
Soo, why are you telling the internet this?
Because I have to tell someone. I crave being in a relationship where I can talk to the person about anything, and bounce my thoughts off them. I don't really have anyone like that right now, and I need to get these thoughts out. Quite likely nobody will read this, but at least I get the illusion of having talked to someone.
Closing summary
[ul]
[*]No, I don't want to have sex with you
[*]Yes, I am still capable of enjoying and desiring sex
[*]Yes, I am single
[*]If you have to ask, no, I'm not looking
[/ul]
Feel free to post your thoughts below. I'm curious what people think about this.
I have had a lot of time to myself lately, and as usual that means that I have done a lot of thinking. In a conversation with a close friend, the topic of sexuality and turn-ons came up. A good hour and a lot of chatting later, and I came to a realization about myself. I think that I might be asexual.
But foxybutt; does that mean you don't like sex? What about all the porns I saw in your fave list before you hid it?
Like all questions involving sexuality, it's not a simple answer. The short answer is 'no, I don't really crave the sex act'. If you're looking for a TL;DR answer, that's it. I don't want sex for its own sake. I know it's easy for me to say that, having never experienced it, but I think it's a valid answer. Growing up, almost everyone I've talked to has had one celebrity (human or furry) that they just get instant (lady)boners for. Sex is used to peddle everything from sandwiches to vibrating rubber cocks shaped like the Virgin Mary. I just find that the thought of sex as an act by itself isn't a turn-on for me at all.
That being said, I'm still human (contrary to popular belief around here). I still have hormones, I still get awkward erections, and I still masturbate on a regular basis. To say that I don't enjoy it would be incorrect. I do; but it's not the deep enjoyment that seemingly everyone I speak to gets. It feels nice while I'm doing it, but when I'm finished, there is no 'afterglow'. I don't enjoy masturbation any more than I enjoy sneezing. It feels nice, and now I can get back to what I was doing before I started.
But I thought you said you were bisexual before? You can't just change like that, it confuses me!
Honestly, I don't see it as a change. I am equally attracted to both physical genders, and more or less equally to different sexual mindsets. In other words, I'm not really physically attracted to anything in particular. I'm not really turned off by specific genders either though, so I guess by a purely physical explanation, that would make me bisexual.
Let's back up; you said before that you didn't want sex, but you also said that you don't mind sex. What gives?
This is where things get complicated. I don't really get turned on by sexual things. Yeah, naked bodies are nice to look at (furry or otherwise), but so are landscapes. I don't crave sex, but I DO crave intimacy.
Buh? Isn't that the same thing?
No, it's really not. Sex is an act, intimacy is a mindset. For the sake of simplicity, I will use the phrase 'turn on' in this section. I mean it as something I enjoy on a deep emotional level, not in that it causes me to pop a boner.
My biggest turn-on is feeling desired. I love it when someone close to me tells me I'm beautiful/hot/cute/a nice piece of ass. One of my favorite things is when someone I like leaves me a message on Skype without me saying 'hi' first. Or when someone gives me a gift for no reason (is not christmas, birthday, or payment for something I did for them). The other end is true as well. I love surprising people with presents, and seeing/hearing their happiness. I talk to my friends/partner daily, as often as I can. The best thing that someone can do for me is to let me into their life at the deepest levels. I crave the feeling of being so comfortable with someone that I can do or say anything, and know that they will be alright with it. That I trust them so deeply that they can do or say anything to me and feel the same safety. This is where sex comes into it. I don't seek sex as an act; if I were to ever try it, it would be as a symbol of that deep intimacy I spoke about. I would love and trust that person so much that my body is theirs. They trust me the same, and we can enjoy everything that we can offer each other. Sure, the sensations would probably feel nice, but I would enjoy the emotional close-ness of the act as much - if not more - than I would the 'rubby rubby squirty squirty'
I would like to share a story with you. I won't name names, but the individual involved knows who they are.
A year ago, I was involved with someone. Everything I talked about above, I felt. We were close, could say almost anything to each other. Though we had minimal face-to-face contact via webcam, I felt that we were a good match, and would likely stay together for a long time. We role-played a little online, though it rarely went past e-cuddling. Then, they stopped talking to me. At first, it was that school stressed them out, and they couldn't find the time to come on to Skype. Then it was that their other friends were stressing them out, and that they had no desire to come online. They withdrew, cutting me out of their life. I later talked to them and found that they were trying to shield me from the pain and stress they were going through, that they wanted to work it out on their own. I know it wasn't their intention, but that was what hurt me the most. It wasn't the silence, or the promises that fell through. It was that they felt the need to hide themselves from me. That they didn't feel comfortable enough to let me be with them at their lowest moment.
When I finally realized that I was effectively being dumped, the thoughts I went through might have been alien to many people. It wasn't "damn, now I won't get to hit that ass", or anything of the like. It wasn't the thought of them now potentially being interested in someone else. What hurt the most was that I wouldn't get to feel that zip of seeing them come online. That I wouldn't be able to e-cuddle up with them on a cold and sad night. I never really wanted them physically in any more than a passing manner. I was in love with being in love, and having that torn away has changed me.
I don't fit in with most of the furries I know. Even those who are happily mated and aren't trying to hook up, I find myself being a bit of an outsider. Everyone I talk to seems to either know me in a professional quality, or has been trying to get into my pants. I don't know how to start a relationship that is based on the relationship itself, not the sex that might come later.
Soo, why are you telling the internet this?
Because I have to tell someone. I crave being in a relationship where I can talk to the person about anything, and bounce my thoughts off them. I don't really have anyone like that right now, and I need to get these thoughts out. Quite likely nobody will read this, but at least I get the illusion of having talked to someone.
Closing summary
[ul]
[*]No, I don't want to have sex with you
[*]Yes, I am still capable of enjoying and desiring sex
[*]Yes, I am single
[*]If you have to ask, no, I'm not looking
[/ul]
Feel free to post your thoughts below. I'm curious what people think about this.
Holiday
Posted 11 years agoHappy Governerator day everyone!
That's right; eleven years ago today (!) Mr Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California. As of last year, he was lobbying the US Government to amend the constitutional Article II Section I Clause V to allow him to run for president of the United States. No word on his success yet, but I'd be willing to bet he's still trying!
That's right; eleven years ago today (!) Mr Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California. As of last year, he was lobbying the US Government to amend the constitutional Article II Section I Clause V to allow him to run for president of the United States. No word on his success yet, but I'd be willing to bet he's still trying!
News
Posted 11 years agoJust spent the last night in my parents' house. Leaving for Calgary in an hour or so. The internet isn't scheduled to hook up until Friday at the earliest, so the school is going to be my only source of nets for this week, bar occasional jaunts on my phone. Just so people know where I vanished to.
I should be in a good mood, but stuff unrelated to moving is getting to me. I'll be ok, just not overly cheerful for awhile.
I should be in a good mood, but stuff unrelated to moving is getting to me. I'll be ok, just not overly cheerful for awhile.
Very Good News Journal #7: Not dead!
Posted 11 years agoAs you might guess from the title, I am not dead. In fact, I am very far from dead. In case you're one of the few people I haven't glomped yet in my joy, I'll relate the last week to you here.
Last week, I was offered and accepted a job at Webber Academy; one of the (likely the most) prestigious university-prep schools in Alberta. Knowing that I'd need to do stuff in person, I grabbed my parents and hopped in the jeep. The next day, we arrived in Okotoks, just south of Calgary. Luckily, we managed to get a spot; completely forgot that it was the long weekend ^-^;
Long story short, we went from looking at rental places, to looking at purchasing. As of 9:00 this morning, I am the proud owner of a 676 square foot, 2 bedroom 1 bathroom condo in Calgary <3. The handover date is the 18th
I just need to finish the mortgage application procedure, and head back to Manitoba to get my stuffs. Sorry to everyone in Winnipeg who I missed on the 1st; this was kinda time sensitive, and I'll STILL only just going to have enough time to get everything packed and moved before school starts. Looks like it'll be a long time before we see each other again.
Last week, I was offered and accepted a job at Webber Academy; one of the (likely the most) prestigious university-prep schools in Alberta. Knowing that I'd need to do stuff in person, I grabbed my parents and hopped in the jeep. The next day, we arrived in Okotoks, just south of Calgary. Luckily, we managed to get a spot; completely forgot that it was the long weekend ^-^;
Long story short, we went from looking at rental places, to looking at purchasing. As of 9:00 this morning, I am the proud owner of a 676 square foot, 2 bedroom 1 bathroom condo in Calgary <3. The handover date is the 18th
I just need to finish the mortgage application procedure, and head back to Manitoba to get my stuffs. Sorry to everyone in Winnipeg who I missed on the 1st; this was kinda time sensitive, and I'll STILL only just going to have enough time to get everything packed and moved before school starts. Looks like it'll be a long time before we see each other again.
Good News Journal #6: Whoops!
Posted 11 years agoIt would seem that in my excitement to be gainfully employed, I completely forgot to do a good news journal yesterday! I'd recap what you missed, but nothing really noteworthy happened. I'll continue with today's stuff;
*Today was the last day I'm letting myself sleep in; gotta start conditioning myself to get up early for work!
*Got a bunch of paperwork done; all I need to do is re-get my criminal record check, and I'm all set to apply for Teacher Certification in Alberta.
*Aunt managed to find an amazing apartment online. I can't get down there to check it out for at LEAST a week, so I asked the landlady if she'd hold a spot for me. It's in an incredible area of town, within walking distance of two malls, as well as where I"ll work. ~700 square feet, utilities included, for a crazy price. If I don't get this place, I will be crying the biggest river you've ever seen!
Figures I just start doing these good news journals, and suddenly something happens to stave off the depression awhile longer xD. Here's to hoping that I don't need to continue with it.
*Today was the last day I'm letting myself sleep in; gotta start conditioning myself to get up early for work!
*Got a bunch of paperwork done; all I need to do is re-get my criminal record check, and I'm all set to apply for Teacher Certification in Alberta.
*Aunt managed to find an amazing apartment online. I can't get down there to check it out for at LEAST a week, so I asked the landlady if she'd hold a spot for me. It's in an incredible area of town, within walking distance of two malls, as well as where I"ll work. ~700 square feet, utilities included, for a crazy price. If I don't get this place, I will be crying the biggest river you've ever seen!
Figures I just start doing these good news journals, and suddenly something happens to stave off the depression awhile longer xD. Here's to hoping that I don't need to continue with it.
*SPECIAL EDITION* Good News Journal #5: The Best News
Posted 11 years agoI realize that this is earlier than I usually write these, but today's good news was so good, I couldn't contain it:
[size=+2]I GOT A JOB!!!!!!![/size]
*coughs*
I might be a little excited. This means that I will be moving to Calgary within the next month, to be making $10,000/yr more than my father did when he retired.
If you are an Alberta furry, or know someone who is, and you think we'd be good friends, beware; Irontail is Coming!
[size=+2]I GOT A JOB!!!!!!![/size]
*coughs*
I might be a little excited. This means that I will be moving to Calgary within the next month, to be making $10,000/yr more than my father did when he retired.
If you are an Alberta furry, or know someone who is, and you think we'd be good friends, beware; Irontail is Coming!
Good News Journal #4: The Interview
Posted 11 years agoThere were a bunch of little good things today, but I'm dedicating today's journal to a single event.
I came upstairs, and Mom handed me her laptop; on it was a job listing for a technology teacher. Due to my current status as "poor as dirt", I applied. Within ten minutes, I had been contacted for a Skype interview. I really think it went well!
If I get this job, I'll be moving to Calgary. It's a big jump for me, but I really hope this happens.
I came upstairs, and Mom handed me her laptop; on it was a job listing for a technology teacher. Due to my current status as "poor as dirt", I applied. Within ten minutes, I had been contacted for a Skype interview. I really think it went well!
If I get this job, I'll be moving to Calgary. It's a big jump for me, but I really hope this happens.
