Good news; tomorrow, I write the final exam for my final university course. I've effectively graduated with two bachelor degrees, though I won't get the paperwork until February.

Bad news;
[*] Teacher Certification, which is required for all school teachers, isn't available until July. This means I can't get a job doing what I'm trained for
[*] Even if I had it now, nobody is hiring computer teachers, and I'm not trained to teach in a normal classroom
[*] Because I can't get a good job, I can't afford to live on my own anymore. I'm moving back in with my parents
[*] I'm being pressured by both parents to go back to working at the local grocery store. The only reason I didn't slit my wrists with my nametag LAST time was because I knew it was going to end when I went back to school.
[*] I have six months from tomorrow to start making full payments on my debt, which I can't afford to do on a minimum wage job.
[*] Because I need to be saving up for these payments, I don't know if I'll be able to meet the person I've been trying to see for over three years this summer.
[*] My parents don't seem to see any of the above as a problem, nor do a lot of friends. Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, things will work out.

HOW?!? HOW exactly will everything work out? I'm broke, my local friends seem to be avoiding me, I can't afford to see my distant friends, I have no job, no way of GETTING a real job, and if I don't start paying off my debt soon, I'll force my FAMILY to cover it all, which THEY can't afford. I fail to see how everything is alright with my life, and how things will start getting better soon. Please enlighten me

TL;DR: Life sucks and I'm a whiny broke bitch with no future

I have recently discovered "alternate gamemodes" for Garry's Mod. I'm in the process of getting one in particular working; Cinema. It allows players to log in from anywhere, and sit in a room to watch movies (with a little help from livestream). I've had very little luck in getting my router to accept incoming connections, but I'm getting there! Every time I try it, I learn something new about how Valve handles net code

Without even making a big deal, I just sewed a new button onto my pants. I'm so proud <3

This post will be about me, and the way I think/what I like. Feel free to ignore this if it's not your thing.

Still with me? OK. Here we go.

I like games. I'm not talking about video games, though those are nice too. I mean board games. Card games. Tabletop RPGs, party games, word games, drawing games, all sorts of games! There is a caveat to this though; I'm tired of single-player games.

All my life, I've been playing solo games. I'm an only child, with a father who worked a lot when I was younger, and really wasn't into playing games. Sure, he'd play if I asked, but he didn't enjoy it at all. Got too wrapped up in the competition part. Most of the games I wanted to play were too cerebral for my mother. She's nice, but not good at learning new things. I lived about half an hour's drive from my closest friend, and a two hour drive+half hour boat ride from my closest friend. School was nice, but there wasn't much opportunity to break out Monopoly during class.

This left me on my own a lot. I'm ok with this, and I think I'm fairly well-adjusted, as far as Furries go. Still though, I miss playing games with people. Whenever I go to a furry meetup, everyone wants to play the same games over and over, or just sit and socialize. I've tried getting a few to try different games, but most don't bite. The furs I see outside of the meets aren't the slightest bit interested in games at all.

Am I really that childish, that board games etc. that AREN'T considered gambling or RPGs are still interesting to me? I don't think I am. I just want to have some structured fun with my friends! Sitting around a table chatting is nice too, but variety is awesome!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I know there are hundreds of online games, ranging from tabletop to MMORPGs. I don't count these as "games" for this discussion. Walking into a (virtual)room with people I don't know, and likely will never see or talk to, isn't really fun for me. Playing with friends is a bit better, but still not as good as the familiar "sitting around a table" trope

In a low mood? Just go onto youtube and play Michael Jackson - Billie Jean.

Got it going? Good.

Now, imagine with a bad-dragon dildo in a strap-on upside down on their head, nodding along. Dat penis bob xDDDD

I'm not in shape. I got a little bit closer this summer, due to hefting fruit boxes for three months, but still not enough to really be "In Shape". I did it for the money, which I desperately need. I hated almost every moment of it. Even the bike rides home, which were often the high points of the day were not that enjoyable, just more so than sitting at home, making smalltalk with my parents at night, and staring at boxes of fruit during the day.

I've tried the gym thing a couple of times. Having free use of the University gym makes it a little easier on the pocketbook. I hate it more. The smell, the hassle, the boredom. Even if I bring music, or re-runs of TV shows to watch while I jog/bike/whatever, my mind just can't handle it. I know I need to keep it up, but I just can't bring myself to do anything. Even just doing push/sit ups in my room is mind-numbing.

Everyone keeps saying "hey, you just need to find an activity that works for you!" like they think I haven't tried that. Remember that kid in high school who was always playing the outfield in Phys-Ed baseball? That was me, just so I wouldn't have to play sports. My kind isn't welcome at sporting events, even at the "hey, let's just go kick a ball around the park" variety. I've been around when they try to convince me otherwise, but you can always see the look of resentment in their eyes when they have to tone down their game so I can even remotely keep up.

I've even tried weird things to try and get active. I can see that I might be able to enjoy airsoft, but the cost would ruin me, even if I could tolerate the attitudes of the people who masturbate onto guns. I'm at the end of my tether. I don't know what to do about this. the same people that try to get me to find something I like also say things like "you just gotta buckle down and do it", proving that they have no idea how my mind works. They might be able to shut their thoughts down for an hour at a time, but I can't. I'm always thinking, and always have to be doing something to occupy myself. Those that know me well know how I get when I'm not keeping my mind from spinning its tires.

I don't even know where I'm going with this journal. I just need to get it out, even though I know nobody reads FA journals unless they say "free art" or "livestreamingg, come visit". I've put words to "page", and that's the best I can do

Made something silly for a  dixievonfur, she liked it so much, thought I should try offering commissions for 'em! No clue who's going to be interested, but it's worth a try.

KEEP CALM posters!

Have an inside joke you need to advertise? A silly saying you want on a poster? Look no farther! For a mere $5, I'll do what I can to make your dream come true! Examples below!
(You will receive an image in the format of your choice. Sorry, I don't have any means to get these actually printed. There are many options in cities across the world for those wanting images poster-ized!)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11756343/ (tried to be all artsy with a filter, not sure if I like the result)

Dreams Realized:

1)  dixievonfur http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11754445/
2)  Krazyokami http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11756233/

. . . Make sure the iced tea you're drinking while half-asleep in the middle of the night ISN'T the stuff you spiked with peach schnapps the night before. Strange and uncomfortable dreams will ensue.

I know this isn't exactly the best forum for getting advice, but here goes;

I've been wanting to learn music for some time now. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I ended up in the art stream in high school, and have regretted it ever since. I have no talent nor love for creating art. I also have no talent for music, but between the two, I'd rather have the music. Last year, I picked up a violin with the intent of learning it in my spare time. Around the same time, a friend showed interest in also learning an instrument, but pooped out before anything could develop on that front.

I took four lessons, and hated every moment of them. The teacher was expecting a child, not an adult, and had no idea how to teach me without being horridly condescending. Even if I could find a good teacher, I can't really afford professional lessons at the moment. I have what seems to be an alright practice manual, but it's getting to the point that I'm just memorizing the tunes rather than actually reading the music. Not good, as reading sheet music is my largest weakness at the moment.

I guess my big issue is motivation. Without someone to compare (maybe even compete) against, I just can't work up the motivation to get over the "ugh, I sound like a sick cat" feelings. Anybody have stories or tips they could share? I'd take lessons if I could, but at $30-90/half hour, I just can't afford it.

Decided to get out, and putt about Polo Park mall. Had a chicken burger I didn't really enjoy, a cup of pretzel that I did. Went to drool over the mac Mini and new iTouches for awhile. Almost got on the wrong bus to the other end of town.

And bought a bunch of booze because I can. Some blood-orange Mike's Hard, some coconut rum (wasn't bold enough to try the dark coconut rum), some peach schnapps, and a can of pear cider. The amount I drink, this should last a LONG time xD

Got all ready to head out to class. Had all my stuff in my pockets; cell phone, pen, iPod, wallet, keys. Hand on the doorknob to leave, I feel this unpleasant sensation. Fortunately, my washroom is right near the door. Proceeded to snog the porcelain goddess, to yawn in technicolor, to give a very moving speech, if you will.

. . . I don't think I'll make it to class today.

Seriously furries, what's with you guys? I try to do something nice for someone else, and I don't even get a "thanks, but . . . ".

Someone I watch also happens to have written a rather long epic illustrated novel that I've been meaning to read. Since I get uncomfortable reading stuff on a computer screen for long periods, I took the time to copy/paste all their chapters (text in image descriptions, so I can't just "download" them) into one document, taking the time to put them into different marked sections. I then converted the whole thing into an e-book so I can read it on my e-reader when I'm out and about!

Being the kind and helpful person I am, I passed on the e-book file to the author/artist. Instead of being all "I appreciate the effort BUT . . .", they replied with (paraphrased slightly) "I guess if it's easier for you, go ahead. The book isn't fully written yet, and when it is, I'll just make my own e-book version. Doesn't your reader have internet so you can just read it on FA?"

No sign of gratitude that someone was thinking of them, just "dunno why you did this lol". Me, being the incurable Canadian that I am, sent a reply along the lines of "sorry to bother you with it. Was just trying to be helpful" instead of starting a drama fest.

Furries (and others, as this applies to you too), when someone does something nice for you, at least acknowledge that they did something nice! Even if you don't want whatever it was, this person took the time to do something (they thought was) nice for you. Sure, let them know that they made a boo-boo, but THANK them for thinking of you. You just might get more niceties back for your trouble.

[If you know the artist I'm talking about, please don't pester them about this; it's more a pet peeve than a real issue with them. If you ARE the artist I'm talking about, I'm sure you're a great person and were just having a rough day. Hope you feel better soon! </Canadian Manners> ]

I was just bumming around youtube, like I usually do when I have nothing else important going on. Found out that Metallica (also other artists) were putting on a live concert in Rio, and streaming it. Tuned in for background noise while I Minecrafted. Every so often, I'd just pop over to watch for a bit when I came to a conclusion; Metallica fans are freaky-looking. Like, the kind of freaky that makes me wish I was wearing some kind of body armour.

Then another thought occurred to me; I'd probably be safer at a Metallica concert than I would be at a bus stop in downtown Winnipeg. Less likely to smell marijuana too <.<

Just found out that I need to attend a mandatory "Sexual Assault Seminar" because I live in university residence. As it so happens, there's one tonight. Now, I know I'm just being a grammar nazi by this point, but seriously; shouldn't they have called it "Sexual Assault PREVENTION Seminar" ? Food for thought, U of Winnipeg, food for thought . . .

I'm trying to stop bootlegging books and movies. Netflix helps, especially once I get off my ass and actually get a proxy in the USA. But when I try to find ebooks that are out of print, I keep coming up against a wall; not available in Canada. It's an electronic book, for fuck's sake. It's out of print, so the author isn't getting a bent penny off it. Why do you keep driving me to piracy, life?

I've been waiting for this moment for a long time; someone finally called an aboriginal man racist for using slurs against white people. While this isn't that uncommon, the difference is this:

People are agreeing. Somebody is successfully calling racist on a non-white dude! It's only a matter of time before people finally realize just how silly political correctness is getting <3

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manit.....undraiser.html

Dad's in the hospital. He's been having stomach pains for a few days, and been having shivering fits. The doctors don't think it's serious, but apparently it's serious enough for him to be put on a liquid diet, and be transferred from the town clinic to the city hospital ON A SUNDAY.

Thank goodness for public healthcare, I don't know how we'd be able to tank the fees if we lived in the USA. No, I don't need money (unless you want to fund my education ;) ) just wanted to let yous guys know why I might be a bit cranky on skype this next while

My parents have a full-length mirror at the end of the upstairs hallway. It's kinda hard to miss looking at yourself as you're going down the hall to the washroom. Of course, I looked today, and I noticed something odd. IT took me almost a minute of looking to figure it out. There wasn't any major change, and not even all that many minor ones. The big difference was a simple one.

For the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, I liked what I saw. That's not to say I REALLY like the way I look, but for once, I'm not purposefully looking away. I guess this is the next stage in getting fit?

I'm tired of being called in to work the evening shift at this grocery store, then having fuck-all to do. Have to at least pretend to be busy. What do I do on my break? Read ghey furry smutt on my Kobo e-reader of course! I am beyond caring at this point :p

At least it's mostly story-driven smut <.<

On a whim, downloaded the entire run of the Magic School Bus show. I was quite the addict when I was younger, watching the show whenever it came on. I always thought I'd seen all the episodes. And I was almost right. Just finished watching one I've never seen before o.o

and what do I do? Invent new alcoholic drinks! Nothing complicated, but it's delicious! I just need a good name for it x3

1 oz fruit schnapps (I used peach)
3-5 drops lemon extract (or juice of a lemon slice, if you have it)
top up with sweet iced tea

sooo goood

Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I don't exercise enough. I lift boxes all day at work, and I bike to/from work when it's not raining, but generally not at any speed. Today though, I was listening to high-energy stuff on my iPod, decided to beatmatch with my pedalling. Britney Spears' Toxic to get up to speed, and Venga Boys' Boom Boom Boom once I was there. Right when the song builds near the end, I ended up at the top of a hill, zooming down as fast as I could. The bass dropped right as I hit the little stone arc bridge at the bottom of the hill. Holy fuck, it felt like I was playing Audiosurf. IT. WAS. _AWESOME_!

Wish exercise was always this fun :/

Not sure if have crush on person because they're the only local person I feel anything for, or if because I actually have crush.

People who have their own children, please don't think this is personally directed at you. This will probably sound rather pissy, so feel free to stop reading here if you're the sort that doesn't like hearing opinions.

How hard is it to understand that I don't like young children?

1) the noises they make are evolved to be the most annoying noises possible to the human ear, so the parent will do whatever possible to make it stop

2) I am unrelated to your child, and thus don't feel any paternal instincts towards it.

3) Historically speaking, (and we're talking millenia ago) the adult male would brutally silence any child making such a racket, as it wasn't his own, and wasn't smart enough to keep QUIET so he couldn't find it.

So if I look down my nose at your screeching, wailing, tantrum-throwing children (This goes for screeching HAPPY children too), please don't hold it against me. I can't help how I was evolved.

A message for people interested in pursuing me. Doubt there's all that many of you, but I just want to get this off meh chest.

Boys, if you want me to be your princess, you better be ready to treat me like one. That doesn't mean I'll be scooting around wearing dresses and being all girly. It means that I want you to pamper me. Tell me about your day, show interest in mine. Surprise me with little gifts, or even just the occasional unprompted show of affection. Wine me, dine me, make me feel beautiful and wanted. I want to be a big part of your life, not just someone you see sometimes. If you treat me well, I'll treat you well. I'll try to share your interests. I'll cheer you up when you're down. If what you're looking for is a bro you can have a chance at bedding, I don't think you'll find it in me. I don't want lays, I want romance. That being said, I'd be more than happy to be your friend, just not your toy.

Ladies, the above is what you can expect of me, once you get to know me. I'm not a prude, I'm polite. I'm not fridgid, I'm shy. Take the time to know me, I think you'll like what you find.

This message brought to you by FAR too much time to think at work.