i bought some booze cause is mah birthday and i'm 32 now woo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


kofsdf' .jksl;dfjaflkf;lsdfk;sodkfdl;

Wanted to signal boost that my buddy  Kippy is currently open and in need of commission work. Great prices for great and fast work.

GO THROW HIM YOUR MONEY

Wanted to post a life update, will attempt to keep it short.

I've started speaking with a counselor. Unfortunately it's not one who can prescribe me medication, so when my insurance kicks in next month, I'll speak with them about who I should look into for potential meds.

Things haven't been easy for reasons, I won't go into detail though. Normally during these times I vent to friends, or on social media. Occasionally posting depressing comments or suicidal things. It's taken me a long time, but I've learned that doesn't help my situation. So I've been avoiding going on rants with friends, just talking as normal and catching up. It's actually felt really good to hold it all back. Feels like I'm in control.

I have some basic plans for the upcoming months. Namely getting driving lessons from an old co-worker (I'm almost 32 and never learned how to drive, how do I adult?) and I have a lot of art in mind I want to get. Some of it is my own, a few things will be gifts for friends.

Not much more going on, just working and planning things. I hope things are well for everyone else.

So, my friend has come and gone. It started off well. Unfortunately around the end, it went sour. I don't want to go into major details about it, but the gist of it is that there was some miscommunication, misunderstanding and my emotions just got the best of me in areas. I've apologized several times but I' there's only so much an apology can do.

With the recent happenings, I've finally accepted that I can't control my negative emotions. The ones that have caused me issues in the past with the same person, with several other people in my life. The ones that have costed me friendship that I tend to miss every now and then. I can't fight them alone anymore. I need help.

So I've called a doctor today. I have an appointment on Wednesday after work to speak with someone about my emotional issues. I don't know what it is about me that kills me inside. I can't tell if it's depression or anxiety or what. Whatever it is it's costed me so much in my life I don't want to lose more of.

I'll be giving some people some space as well. I might be quiet or distant for a while. I just need a little private time away. I want to be around people, around my friends and talk with them. But I'm afraid of how I'll react at this point. So I'll be around, but I may be off just cause I don't want to say the wrong thing to anyone.

I'm sorry everyone for how I've been.

Just a heads up to the friends who follow me. I have a friend coming in on Thursday that's planning to stay with me for a while. I likely won't be on Messengers during the time except for at work, but even work is keeping me busy to where I barely check my phone right now. So don't be surprised it I don't see your message for a day or two.

I wanted to make a journal about this to try and help. My friend Naoma-Hiru is in need of some financial help. You can read the full thing here. I'd just appreciate if anyone could help her out in any way they can.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8214309/

I made a nsfw Twitter. Follow it if you want to see the dirty things I'm into and get.

https://www.twitter.com/allengarlewd

I'm looking for a potential artist for something down the line. I had an idea spark and it's basically day of the dead style. I'm not familiar with any artists though that might sorta fit this style. Does anyone have any suggestions or know anyone who is up for something like that? It'd be a simple commission pic, but figured I would ask here to see if anyone had suggestions on a person to toss money at.

I'm attempting to help a friend pay for a vacation and I have stuff in my place I want to get rid of. If you are interested, let me know.

Animu figures:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/172539259606?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/172538445845?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/172538444243?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Video Games:

Add additional $5 for shipping. Unless your local to Seattle then you can just come and pick them up nearby for the listed price.

https://seattle.craigslist.org/see/.....009644869.html

I'll post a life update sometime. Wanted to ask a quick question though for my followers.

I'm considering doing a YCH with my friend featuring my character banging yours. I'll pay what I need to for my side and then you would just pay yours. Just curious how many people that follow me might be interested in something like this though? If so, how much would you put down?

So Skype recently kicked me off my account claiming it detected an unusual sign in from an unknown location. I tried getting my account back, but no support will answer me. I've emailed in, asked on the forums and asked the Twitter support account. No answer. It's been almost a week now and their support thing says they'd contact me within 24 hours.

So fuck it, Skype is done for me. If you have me on your list, feel free to remove me. I'll be on Telegram and Discord. Telegram is allenr and Discord is allenr#5896.

Just a minor update, I still haven't heard anything from Microsoft about my Skype account. Apparently it says I'm online right now but away. Haven't heard anybody say that I'm sending anything suspicious, so not sure what exactly happened there. I'll change my status on there when if I actually get it back. Again if you need to hit me up I'm on Telegram at allenr

Just a warning to some friends. My Skype just kicked me off, saying it looked like someone was trying to use my account from a different location. I can't sign in because it asks me to enter in a code sent to my email but I'm not receiving the email for whatever reason. I'm on telegram if you need me.

So things have kinda gone downhill for me just recently. My lease for my apartment is almost up and so I went down to renew it, expecting my rent to only increase by 30 bucks. Well, turns out they hiked it up to 45 instead. Shitty but I can manage. Then I get a call this morning. "Oh sorry we gave you the wrong rate, it's actually going to be a 60 dollar increase and we need you to come back down and re-sign the papers." So my rent has now approached maximum pricing for me. Which is fucking awful timing because I was planning to have a friend come visit me next year and spend time together but now this whole rent increase is going to cut into that cost. So I'm looking to possibly have a roommate or something to share a 2 bedroom apartment with. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to maybe start looking? I've been checking out places online but most aren't really affordable to me solo.

So figured I would post an update on my life in case people are curious. I'll go in order of what's basically happened.

- Things with my old job ended up being a no go on a second chance. However they've said that I would possibly be able to get another job down the line, but right now wouldn't happen just cause it looks bad for their client.

- Due to me also being fired, unemployment has been doing an investigation on me before paying me anything. I haven't heard back from them yet, so I haven't had any actual income recently. I've been relying on my credit card to buy food and I had enough money to pay rent.

- I turned 31 late last month. My birthday was mostly boring. Everyone sent me a message, didn't get a lot of gifts (dad sent me money, a certain artist drew me a pic which I'll post when I get it). I tried getting drunk and playing Overwatch all day but the former didn't happen. Overall it sucked but my birthdays usually do.

- I recently started a job with Nintendo for the season. Their center is pretty neat. The store is lacking in Pokemon stuff so that was lame. I started this week actually but won't be staying there. I ended up getting a call today from a recruiter about a job I applied for in Seattle. They actually just want to hire me flat out, no interview. It pays 2 dollars more than Nintendo and it's easier to get to so I already told em yes.

- However, I have a job interview tomorrow with Riot games for their support team. That pays only 1 dollar more than Nintendo and it's in a further location, however, if they offer me the position I'm going to likely go for it. It's one of those cases where I'll likely enjoy my job a lot more at Riot than this other company in Seattle.

Other than this, it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Random moments of stress, depression and anger. Recently I took a few days away from the internet to settle down and finally tell myself to stop caring about these people in my life. I'm not cutting them out and I still consider them my friends, but I'm just going to seriously focus a lot less on making them happy and just do things for myself.

I wanted to give an update here. I'll keep it short. I lost my job last night. I've missed more work than I expected the past few months due to a lot of stress and depression and they basically told me last night I was done. I tried to convince them to keep me but the person I spoke with said he couldn't do anything. However someone else is going to be reaching out to me to discuss what's next. I was told I might be able to convince them but we'll see what happens.

I will update this journal with what they say.

Edit: Seems like it's a no go so far. I have to turn in my equipment tomorrow and speak with my experience with the company. I'll see what happens then.

Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~allenr
Furry Network: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/allenr/
NSFW Tumblr: http://allengarnsfw.tumblr.com/

I'm gonna try and update these just cause I'm still expecting FA to kick the bucket at some point.

Ill try and keep this short. I don't know if people randomly check my page, but if you do, you might notice it changes a lot. Especially with a certain person. Ive been having severe emotional breakdowns for a while and forcing them into it. Ive been acting like a child with them, disappearing off the net and randomly disabling my FA account for no reason.

Some bad recent events have finally made me realize I need help. I thought I could solve all this on my own, but this isn't the first time this has happened for me. Ive lost some close friends in the past because of similar things like this. So I'm gonna start seeing a therapist for support. Ive been somewhat nervous and clam at the same time lately but I can't fall back into that hole again and drag people with me. Especially people that are close to me.

I know this is an odd place to ask but figure I might get a response here. I have to mail out something to a friend internationally soon and unfortunately, the box is a dark color so writing their address directly on the box isnt going to really work. However when I go to the post office to mail things off, they have me fill out a slip with their address on it anyway. I was curious if anyone knows if because i have to fill out that slip, would me writing the address on the box itself even matter?

I'm just putting up another apology for the last few journals I had. I've been having a really bad couple of days, basically getting upset at a close friend for dumb reasons, due to my feelings for her. I finally opened up about them recently and it just didn't really go as expected (neither positive nor negative). I ended up just having a massive breakdown and wanted to just cut everything out of my life. I made the journal, signed out of all my accounts and uninstalled everything. After a while though, I started calming down and realized it's not worth it and time away isn't going to really help.

I'll be on messengers free to talk. I'll likely fully discuss all this stuff with the close friend soon and things'll probably go well. I just need to keep a straight head on as I do it. Now that I've gotten a meltdown out of my system, I hope I can do so.

First the question so people can ignore my life updates if they choose to.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20498452/

Is the pic in question. It's obviously kinda graphic but not like gore, but I'm curious if there are any tags or warnings people would like me to toss up here so people can avoid looking at the picture if they would prefer not to see something like this. The whole pic is supposed to be more humiliation but I'm unsure if people look at it and think more rape or not.

Life update: My sickness is gone. Apparently I likely had pneumonia and it was bad. It kicked me hard in the ass and I'm still slightly recovering from it. Though my breathing is normal now and I'm able to walk to places I couldn't before. I started also working recently at a new job so I have that going for me. It pays a dollar more than what I was making before pre-bonuses but I don't get any bonuses so I'm kinda making less, but I should still be OK. On the bright side, a company that I had an interview with for an IT position said they had interest in me working for them if they open up for a tier 1 IT position. So I hope they eventually call me back after they were done with their planned move.

Other than that I'm just living the days and doing what I can to support myself and friends.

Figured I would give an update here on my status.

I went to a doctor today cause I've been having chest pains ever since getting sick. They did the usual tests on me, but one thing they noticed is my oxygen intake was worryingly low. Doctor listened to my lungs while I did deep breaths and she apparently heard weird noises going on that she didn't like. So they had me sit with a breathing machine and some medicine for a few minutes. Did another lung test and she said it sounded a lot better after that. Then she prescribed me with some antibiotics, steroids and an inhaler for times where I have a really hard time breathing. I have to take these meds for a few days but I have another appointment on Monday to see how I'm healing at the time and if it's not any better, I might need a lung scan to see what's going on. Hopefully I don't because I don't really have insurance to cover that, but we'll see what happens.

Will post stuff when I can. Recently I got sick and it's been seriously killing me. I have been stuck in bed most of the time coughing so hard it's gotten to the point where it hurts now. My thought process is completely drained and I have to re-read everything almost because nothing makes sense. I'm hoping I get better soon since I'm also supposed to start work soon but we'll see how lucky I get.

They're offering some cheap commissions and need the money right now. If you have some spare cash I'd certainly recommend picking one up, or at least showing them off.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7575726/

I only wonder how much money artists have lost not being able to announce stream commissions and what not. I think this should really be a good indication that artist should start broadening their artwork to other sites so when FA goes down again for another reason, people aren't screwed out of earning money.

Just my short two cents.