Today we lost our little man...
Posted 7 years agoToday has been horrendous. This morning we woke up to a happy, apparantly healthy cat, and only an hour or so later everything went south.
He had sudden onset heart failure. The vet says HCM, and that it was highly likely a clot had formed and caused fluid on his lungs. It was heartbreaking, he was terrified and in pain and there was nothing we could do.
Icarus was like my baby. He was the sweetest, friendliest, most loving cat. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling. Heartbroken. Devestated. Guilty that we couldn't save him.
Fuck hcm. I miss my baby. :(
If I'm chatty but make no sense today, or for a few days, I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep my mind busy...
Takings from sales will be going towards paying off emergency vets bills and getting Icarus a nice casket for his ashes. We want to keep him with us. :(
CURRENT OPEN ADOPTS:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27650496/
CURRENT OPEN YCHs
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27324973/ - pov
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27638428/ - M/M, M/H, H/H couple
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27648240/ - F/F, F/H, H/H coupleLittle life updates thingy
Posted 7 years agoSo I'm doing a bit more artwork lately. The reason for this is twofold. One, I'm really enjoying it, and two, I recently held a few polls and the general consensus was that people would like to see more artwork from me, even those who began following me for my literature rather than my art!
Becasue of both of these things, I'm going to be finishing up my current novel WIP slightly more slowly than I had originally intended, and focussing more on creating consistent content both here and on my Patreon account. I'm also planning on starting to focus on a comic I've been planning forever soon as well.
I guess on that vein I have a question? Only a casual ask though. Is it worth having a Patreon for yiffy stuff? My current account is horror only, and I wonder how well furry accounts do over there? Any thoughts guys
CURRENT OPEN ADOPTS:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27650496/
CURRENT OPEN YCHs
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27324973/ - pov
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27638428/ - M/M, M/H, H/H couple
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/27648240/ - F/F, F/H, H/H couple Being brave for pride month, I guess?
Posted 7 years ago I am NERVOUS guys. I feel a bit sick posting this, but I know that I need to, if not now then one day it'll come out or I'll be miserable forever trying to hide it, and I'm fed up of that.
I have not been open about my sexuality with anyone irl beyond passing comments. I don't know why I've always put off the inevitable, it's not like my attractions have ever changed.
Going to London yesterday and seeing so many gorgeous, varied gay and straight couples has made me feel like maybe I need to be brave and be honest. I am 30 after all, I can't hide forever.
So, online peeps mostly know about my sexuality, but I feel like this is a bigger step? I should be proud of who I am, not quiet and worried that I'll be judged. Hell, if people were going to do that they'd probably do it after one look at me anyway, I'm hardly conventional looking! XD
What’s your sexuality?
Pansexual
What’s your gender?
Female
What pronouns do you use?
She/her, though I will literally answer to anything. Not fussed.
Did you choose your name or nickname? (How did you choose it?)
My only nickname is probably Mama werewolf. Earned online. XD
Any celebrity crushes?
Oh God, Urm, I tend to change a lot, but I'm fond of Mads Mikkelsen, Frank Dillane, Gillian Anderson, Lucy Liu... I tend to get more attached to fictional characters than actual actors and such.
Have you ever been to pride? (Do you go to pride often?)
No not yet, but Brighton is down the ride and I'd love to be brave enough one day.
What LGBT flag is most aesthetically pleasing to you?
<span>I'm not really a colourful gal, so rainbows are kind of eye burning for me? Don't think I have a favourite.
What’s your ideal lgbt hangout? (coffee shop, bar, etc…)
Literally don't have one. No one irl knows bar my husband.
Who's your favorite lgbt public figure/icon?
Bianca Del Rio cracks me up, and Courtney Act seems really lovely and inclusive in her views.
What's your favorite same gender ship?
Hannigram. Oh my lord Hannigram!
What's your favorite lgbt headcanon?
No idea!
What was your best coming out experience?
This is probably nothing compared to other people, but I made a friend in the past couple of years and he told me some things about him, and I just knew I could tell him so I did. On a long car journey I totally spilled my guts about everything and he was GREAT, not judgy at all, I knew he wouldn't be. It was cathartic and strange all at the same time. I'm so pleased that I had that drive with him, it's the most honest about myself I've ever been able to be with anyone but partners.
What was your worst coming out experience?
When I was a teenager I made an accidental comment to an older woman I thought was worth looking up to and she was obviously disgusted by me. It left me feeling like dirt and after that we didn't have the same kind of relationship that we did before. I lost a friend over literally one sentence.
Is there anything you did as a kid that you look back on and think 'how did I not know that I was queer?'
Not really, I never sort of questioned myself about it, it was other peoples potential reactions that kept me quiet.
Are you a sun gay or moon gay?
What the hell does this even mean? XD
What's your favorite part of being lgbt?
I don't really know? I'm not a part of the community really? I've just been hiding all this time.
Who's your favorite queer youtuber/blogger?
I like Willam even though I think irl they'd intimidate the shit out of me. XD I love their confidence.
How do you find other LGBT people in new places?
I don't go looking? People's sexuality doesn't really influence how I feel about them at all and I'm happily married so.... xD
What's your favorite lgbt song?
No idea! Are there any metal LGBT songs? Throw some at me, I'll listen!
Have you ever done drag/would you?
I've given it a go a few times in private but these titties just don't want to be strapped down so only facial contouring and such. I reckon I make a fine looking guy, though I have no pictures to prove it. Haha.
Are you a poetry gay or comedy gay?
I'm guessing this means quiet or loud? Quiet I guess?
Are you a emo gay or pop gay?
Neither. Please add more options XD
Are you fem or masc or androgynous?
Fem presentation, masc mindset. Tomboyish I guess.
What's your favorite part of gay culture™?
I'm not a part of it, not really? This is my first proper public admittance. I love how inclusive it is though, and how people are really truly themselves rather than trying to follow gender norms.
Are you openly out?
No. Well, maybe now?
Whats the most annoying question that cishets ask you?
Nothing regarding my sexuality XD Probably 'what else do you have pierced' with pervy full body glances. *shudders*
When did you find out your sexuality?
When I hit puberty like everyone else I guess?
Is your family accepting?
My sister must know, I've said little things here and there, but we never actually talk about it. My brother has no idea I think, no body else does either. I think they'd be OK, but I'm terrified to find out.
What do you wish you could tell your past self?
You should have been braver with approaching people in your teens. You restricted yourself you idiot!
Do you have any gay friends?
Yup. I don't know why I never told them, I think just becasue it hasn't come up.
Bottom or top?
Switch.
Femme or butch?
What do I like in a partner? I primarily go for personalities. I like someone who can make me laugh and people who are chilled out. I'm not in for the drama!
I proably have about a 70-30 lean in favour of butch, though honestly it varies day by day and I'm a sucker for bold looks. (eg: I love a man in makeup as much as I love a woman with a shaved head or someone who looks androgynous as hell. As an example I guess, Yolandi Visser's alien-like look is adorable. Just give me someone who is modified to high hell and I'm happy.)
Do you bind?
Nope.
Do you shave?
Wax. Not at all fussy about body hair on others though.
If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?
My husband. He's like a male version of me, we just fit together so well, it's like we were made to be together. XD
Do you have a partner(s)?
Yup
Describe your partner(s)?
He is wonderful! I met him by total chance at a metal festival and he relentlessly offered me water until the send of the set. He then invited me and my sister back to his camp site and we drank the night away while enjoying bbq burned toast. XD The rest is history!
Physically he's pretty damn fine if you ask me. He has a luxurious beard, long hair with an undercut, facial piercings and lots of tattoos. He's a very chilled out guy and he loves most of the same things I do, he's also very comfortable with both his own sexuality and mine, which is great. He never judges anyone and he's just easy to be around and get along with. My only complaint is that he isn't as big of a horror fan as me. Haha.
Have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?
No, it never got to the point of dating.
Anyone of another sex?
Yup, a few. I imagine that makes me seem very much NOT on the gay spectrum, but I know how my mind works and even though I feel like I might not be as accepted as someone who is straight up gay rather than pan, I need to be true to myself.The furry fandom is f*ing awesome!
Posted 7 years agoJust a quick heads up as to why I've been quiet lately! I'm working hard on the first draft of my next novel which has been keeping me very busy, but I am still about here, honest!
And now for what I really came here to say!
I don't go to fur cons, not yet anyway (not sure if we even have any in the UK?) but I've been reading about the poor little girl that got picked on by some mice and seeing the fandom's reaction and omg, am I proud to be amongst so many stand up people! The outpouring of love and friendliness and compassion I've seen has really warmed my heart and I bet that little girl is SO happy to have been thrown into so much positivity after a couple of idiots (who need a ban from cons imo) gave her such a bad welcome. I hope she stays in the fandom and that things continue to be so positive for her.
Such a lovely thing to see someone being welcomed so whole heartedly <3April coms open!
Posted 7 years agoIm opening up five slots for April, price and examples can be seen here:
Price list and portfolio
Vague price guide below is for pieces with one character. For a better idea of prices click the link above. :3
Price ranges include the cost of simple animations.
--
Pixels: £5 - £7
Chibis: £10 - £25
Busts - £5 - £70 (higher prices for fully rendered work, lower for my usual styles)
Feral - £10 - £100 (higher prices for fully rendered work, lower for my usual styles)
Anthro - £20 - £130
Character design (ranging from single chars to litters and species design) - £10 - £100
Mature work can be purchased in Anthro only, and there is a small fee for including a closeup or 'juicy' version along with a clean one. Please see my TOS for what I will not draw when it comes to yiff. My list is pretty short XD
Available slots:
1) TAKEN - full body shaded com with no BG - Bastian Werewolf
2) TAKEN - full body shaded werewolf, usual style
3) TAKEN - Full body werewolf, fully detailed
4) CLOSED
5) CLOSED
I will also be posting a few yiffy YCHs, so keep your eyes peeled. ^^
_________
EDIT -
I'm closing the remainder of my open slots for the month, and I'll not be opening any next month.
I want to take a little time to focus on personal work for a little while.
Coms will be available again in the future, and I'll still put out YCHs now and then. :)What would you like to see?
Posted 7 years agoI'm looking at starting a YCH or two, and would love to know what you guys would like to see!
- yiffy stuff?
- cutesy stuff?
- short comic panel leading from cute to yiff?
- gore
- monster-ify your char (think extra teeth/limbs etc)
- transformation (mid sequence)
- transformation (three steps)
- single chars
- two chars
- groups of 3+
- What gender combinations interest you most?
- what settings interest you most
- what situations interest you most?
- What acts interest you most? (piv / pia / oral / etc)
Any comments much appreciated!
- yiffy stuff?
- cutesy stuff?
- short comic panel leading from cute to yiff?
- gore
- monster-ify your char (think extra teeth/limbs etc)
- transformation (mid sequence)
- transformation (three steps)
- single chars
- two chars
- groups of 3+
- What gender combinations interest you most?
- what settings interest you most
- what situations interest you most?
- What acts interest you most? (piv / pia / oral / etc)
Any comments much appreciated!
Werewolf / werehyena paperback books just £1.62!!!
Posted 7 years agoFor a limited time only, you can snag a paperback copy of the third installment in my Primal Progeny series, Abduction, for just £1.62! (Reduced from £8.99)
Hunter and the pack are thrown into chaos when a travelling stranger and a clan of ruthless werehyenas set their sights on the perfect victim. In a desperete battle to prevent the worst kind of tragedy they encounter beasts unlike any they have ever seen before.
🐺 If you like horror or even thrillers then I think you'll enjoy abduction! 🐺
https://t.co/HSegNkjxz2
#werehyena #horror #gore #werewolf
Hunter and the pack are thrown into chaos when a travelling stranger and a clan of ruthless werehyenas set their sights on the perfect victim. In a desperete battle to prevent the worst kind of tragedy they encounter beasts unlike any they have ever seen before.
🐺 If you like horror or even thrillers then I think you'll enjoy abduction! 🐺
https://t.co/HSegNkjxz2
#werehyena #horror #gore #werewolf
Com update - OPEN || lit coms || animations coming soon
Posted 7 years ago Having taken a YCH payment and realised something (I'd not factored in paypal fees! I'm a dope!) I am going to revert back to taking payments in my own countries currency. After conversion and fees, the sum I get is more than a third less value than it looks like it will be. I could deal with 10, maybe 20% but 30 is a lot!
I spoke with my husband about it a bit yesterday, and he feels like I need to be more confident in my art and not sell myself short, so I'm going to try!
:3
Changes/things you can expect to see from me from now on:
- com prices in GBP
- lit commissions
- animations
- YCHs as usual!
I love writing, it's a long time passion of mine. It only makes sense for me to consider lit coms! My blacklist subjects will be the same with lit as with art, and I'll write both SFW and NSFW work. I need 5o work out price ranges and max word counts, but if I'm sure of anyghing in life, it's that I write a half decent sexytime encounter. XD (why do I have no socially accrptable lufe skills?!)
I'm also MORE than happy to write gore/fantasy/sci-fi etc.
I also want to have a stab at some animations. I'll likely mess around a lot with tghust/jiggle before I start uploading any though. I'll also need to sort it so I can use flash. (Unless other file types work as well here?)
I want to have a go at a comic style YCH as well, so that will likely happen soon. I'm thinking something that starts cute, like a couple bumping jnto each other at a coffee shop, and then progresses through a few romancy style pics before gettibg to a couple of adult ones to finish. I'm open to setting/theme suggestions!
As always, com prices can be found on the com sheet in my gallery. ^^
Lit com prices have been added to the description of my com price sheet here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20476038/
ART COM SLOTS CURRENTLY OPEN (any type on com sheet/price list):
1. Two chars, no BG. for catsithx DONE
2. Tokotas - aoas, 10 rolls and rods.
3. Tokotas - 30 rolls DONE
4. Tokotas - PotA set
5. Tokotas - 20 CE entries Coms will be open again next month when I've cleared a little more of my queue! :3
Update on pricing & why - IRL curbstomping me while I'm down
Posted 8 years ago IRL has not been kind to us recently. There have been a lot of small things, and now some serious issues with the dog.
He's got a serious tail wound that looks to require amputation, and that will cost over £600 ($800), which we:
a) Don't have
b) Don't have the means to get for at least another three weeks as my husband who is the main earner, has just changed jobs AND we've moved over 200 miles so the move has lost us some of the money we had managed to save. TIL: Moving is more difficult that I remembered!
We cannot leave him to suffer, and so he's been to the vet who has given him some creams to try. It's too early to know if they're working, and only time will tell. If they don't we'll need around half of the total cost of the op. I wish we had it, but we just don't.
The dog has been epileptic since 2yrs old, and so is not an 'easy' dog, he needs a lot of special considerations and his medications are very expensive, as is his insurance. Well, when I tried to change our address, the cost of his insurance per month almost doubled. The guy on the phone literally put me on hold with a shocked 'oh my, that can't be right!' Before returning to confirm that it was. We cannot afford it at the rate they are proposing, and no other companies will take him on with a longstanding condition at his age. (He's nearly 7, and even the new vet was stunned by that when she read his history. He's been through the mill and we've always worked our balls off to make sure he's OK, even if we had to eat only beans on toast to make it happen.)
I need to try and start earning more through my art.
So what this means is I'm making a couple of small changes to how I take YCH payments and coms.
- I'll ONLY be accepting GBP as payment.
The exchange rate for USD now takes almost a third off of what it 'looks' like a piece will earn, and I can't keep doing that when the rate is so bad.
- I'll be opening coms, and I'll also be opening literature coms. I've not written any furry smut in a long time, but I write erotica well (so I'm told) and I'm not sure at this point why I'm not branching out. I already DRAW sexytime furries, why not write them too?
For the purpose of showing I'm not just being dramatic (and as I know I have a lot of drama in my life, and I don't want anyone thinking I'm being untruthful, becasue if I was stood outside looking in, I might be like 'fuck, this girl is a soap opera on legs' too!) here is a picture of the dog's tail at the moment:
WARNING. GRAPHIC - https://sta.sh/0281g4loqyou
_________________________________________________________
Com prices can be found in the coms section on my page, or here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20476038/
(I will draw most fetish material except scat, watersports, feral/human, feral/anthro and cubs.
I have some YCH's open here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25447707/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25374156/
A snippet example of my 'adult' lit, though between two humans (taken from one of my novels):
He wanted nothing more than to unleash the full force of his fury upon her naked body. Struggling within himself he twisted his fingers in her hair and pulled her head back to the bed. She arched her body up to meet his and a gasp escaped her. His savage kiss quieted her, and his hand squeezed her breast harshly. She winced but made no sound and his hand crept lower. He trailed his fingers so lightly over her skin that she could barely feel them, until they began to tease around the bottom of her belly. He moved his fingers over the sensitive flesh there and tickled at the inside of her thighs, which spread open wider, longingly. He smirked as he kissed her, enjoying the tease as she fought to steer him toward the heat of her sex. She was desperate to feel him inside her. All the blood in her body seemed to be in her groin and her clitoris was almost painfully swollen.
He teased her like this for a while as her hands roamed over his body, but when her searching fingers tried to grasp his penis in her hand he drew back. Lifting his head he looked down at her naked body beneath him. He smiled down at her, then took her nipple in his mouth and sucked. Flicking his tongue around the sensitive protrusion until she moaned and her breathing became rapid and jagged. She squirmed and writhed beneath him and he moved to the other breast, repeating the process and finally lowering himself so that his throbbing cock was trapped tightly against her belly. She moved against it, rubbing herself on the heat of him and gripping the covers tightly in her hands as he prodded into her. In his mind he imagined the incision there he would have liked to have been fucking, and that kept his erection strong. That and the thought of the woman waiting in the other room to be rendered limb from limb.Emergency vet bills fund
Posted 8 years agoSo I'm desperately trying to scrape together funds to put towards a looming vet bill. My poor dog cut his tail, and so I bandaged it... Then overnight he chewed off the bandage so enthusiastically that he's almost de-gloved his tail tip, it's raw and horrible looking and he is looking very sorry for himself. :(
A vet trip resulted in some meds to try, but if they fail it'll need amputation, which will cost nearly $800 in our currency. We don't have that, or even the £300 we'd need to be able to do a direct claim on the insurance, becasue we've just moved and we're completely broke. :/
Here's a pic of the poor guys tail, so you can see why we can't just leave it. Roughly 1/4 of the tail is skinless :(
https://sta.sh/0281g4loqyou
I have some YCHs here https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25447707/Cons and moving and drama, oh my! D: [big life updates]
Posted 8 years agoSo I've been quiet for a bit, which I am sorry for! I kind of failed goretober thanks to not managing to get a few done, but with good reason. xp
We've been prepping to move half way across the country, which also means losing/selling nearly all of our belongings. So we've been busy sorting that. I think we're getting there with it all now which is good.
I've also been away working a convention! :D (horrorcon, Birmingham in this instance.)
I had as BLAST!!! I sold a lot more books than I expected, and made some new friends so I feel like it was a good weekend all in all. I shared a stall with a fellow author who also writes predominantly werewolf horror, and we just ended up spending four days chatting about all things snarly. It was great!
On top of all the chatting with con-goers and just generally having a great time, I also found myself lucky enough to meet someone who I'd somehow not heard of before who is quite famous. We (myself, the fellow author and this guy) had a few drinks and he offered us both a fantastic opportunity to be part of something he's putting together at the moment. I unfortunately won't be able to do it due to everything going on in my life at the moment, but the guys was lovely and my friend will be working with him which will be a huge step in his career and I'm so happy for him!! :3
In other, less exciting news, I recently had to begin the horrible, awkward process of cutting out someone I thought was a good friend becasue their idea of what our relationship was grew muddy in their mind. I'm very happy with my husband and I was shocked and very upset that what I thought had been a good friendship was at least on one side based on something entirely different. :(
I wish him all the luck in the world, but I wish he'd never told me. :(
Hope all you lovely furs have been having a good halloween! The spooky art everywhere has been making me smile. I love this time of year! :D <3
We've been prepping to move half way across the country, which also means losing/selling nearly all of our belongings. So we've been busy sorting that. I think we're getting there with it all now which is good.
I've also been away working a convention! :D (horrorcon, Birmingham in this instance.)
I had as BLAST!!! I sold a lot more books than I expected, and made some new friends so I feel like it was a good weekend all in all. I shared a stall with a fellow author who also writes predominantly werewolf horror, and we just ended up spending four days chatting about all things snarly. It was great!
On top of all the chatting with con-goers and just generally having a great time, I also found myself lucky enough to meet someone who I'd somehow not heard of before who is quite famous. We (myself, the fellow author and this guy) had a few drinks and he offered us both a fantastic opportunity to be part of something he's putting together at the moment. I unfortunately won't be able to do it due to everything going on in my life at the moment, but the guys was lovely and my friend will be working with him which will be a huge step in his career and I'm so happy for him!! :3
In other, less exciting news, I recently had to begin the horrible, awkward process of cutting out someone I thought was a good friend becasue their idea of what our relationship was grew muddy in their mind. I'm very happy with my husband and I was shocked and very upset that what I thought had been a good friendship was at least on one side based on something entirely different. :(
I wish him all the luck in the world, but I wish he'd never told me. :(
Hope all you lovely furs have been having a good halloween! The spooky art everywhere has been making me smile. I love this time of year! :D <3
Random questions
Posted 8 years agoDo tags notify the person you're tagging on fa like they do on da?
If not is there a different method of tagging besides the 'iconusername' method that does?
Does anyone have any reccomendations for a programme to convert .mov files to flash on a mac? I'm struggling to find any for some reason. YCH plans || Tarot set
Posted 8 years agoI'm planning on doing a set of YCHs based on tarot cards :3
A full list is below:☠ The fool
☠ The magician
☠ The high priestess
☠ The empress
☠ The emperor
☠ The high priest
☠ The lovers
☠ The chariot
☠ Strength
☠ The hermit
☠ Wheel of fortune
☠ Death (I'll be trying to make this one less extreme most likely!)
☠ Temperence
☠ The devil
☠ The tower
☠ The star
☠ The sun
☠ The moon
☠ Judgement
☠ The world
☠ Wands
☠ Pentacles
☠ Cups
☠ Swords
I'll cross them off as I go, and hopefully will get a nice mix of ideas in there. I'm currently working on the fool.
^^Life sucks balls - emergency coms/life update
Posted 8 years agoaka:
Why is my life apparently scripted by the writers of eastenders?!
_______
So I'm having a hell of a year so far.
I like to be open about things in case anyone is going through similar stuff and needs someone to talk to.
Never be shy about getting in touch if anything I say rings true for you as well and you want to rant/vent/scream etc.
There's nothing worse than feeling alone.
If I've been grouchy, or quiet or off recently, this is why. I'm just horrendously over-stressed and I'm sorry to anyone who I've been short/silent with. <3
Anyway, on to the problems themselves:
Fertility issues.
Surrounded by super fertile, lovely, family women, I find myself stuck at the mercy of a hostile womb. Turns out that the fertility saving surgery I had after the cancer may have been in vain, as I have both endometriosis and polycystic ovaries.
I know no one in 'real life' with both these issues, and have found help groups to be rather negative. There is a lot of 'life sucks and I hate these lucky mothers' and less 'let's support each other.' While I understand the resentment and jealousy, I can't get in that headspace. I'd love a family, and sometimes I do feel sad but never fuming. (Unless I see someone actively being mean to their children, but I'm pretty sure everyone hates that!)
The real struggle is coming to terms with the idea of possibly never having a family of your own. I will look into adoption when we've gotten past this stage of testing, but we need to wait until things are more stable before we do. I can only cope with so much at once.
Cancer stuff:
I'm still being screened regularly, though I am at the end of my 'five year' period where it's most likely to recur. I have it in the back of my mind that this is exactly when my mother's came back. While I'm trying not to stress, it's always there in the back of my mind.
I'm also about to start the process of fighting for gene testing to see if I have any of the BRCA genes, which I've been denied before despite strong family history. At the same time I've got to fight for a different kind of screening to normal thanks to past operations, and for preventative surgery. Though If I'm honest I fear that the latter will be denied. This is all for a different kind of cancer to what I've been previously treated for. I've been mentally prepping myself for all this for years, but now that I'm of testing age, it is stressing me out more than I expected.
Perhaps I'm mentally a little weaker these days?
Family health issues:
My husband recently collapsed and they cannot find a definitive cause. It is not his blood sugar or any of the usual things they initially look for, but his heart rate was discovered to be very low. In light of this he's been put through some testing, and had some bloods done. He's waiting on an ECG to and may need further testing after that. He's being very calm about it on the surface, but I'm worried.
My mother too is unwell, and due to go in for all kinds of tests. I'll soon be travelling half way across the country (by train, with the dog in tow) to help her out and be there for her. She's obviously worried and hearing that in her voice kills me. Leaving my husband to help look after her is worrying me hugely, but he cannot get time off work or miss his own appointments. I'll just have to make a few cross country trips if need be. (Hence the attempts at gathering funds for train ticket costs recently. Though I've deleted the journal now as I got no interest and that was only depressing me more.)
_______
I'm posting this journal for a couple of reasons...
- I feel pretty shitty and alone. Old friends are busy or absent and sometimes it helps to get things of your chest. (I sometimes feel like my life is such a mess that people quietly distance themselves becasue it's hard to know what to say, but I don't want sympathy, I just like to have people to talk to. It helps to distract yourself you know? Sometimes you don't need 'it'll be alright' as much as you just need a friend. Life should be about happiness even when there's a lot of things looming over you?)
- In case anyone is having similar issues and wants someone who can relate to talk to. One of the most difficult parts of all of this is finding people who can understand on a personal level.
Why is my life apparently scripted by the writers of eastenders?!
_______
So I'm having a hell of a year so far.
I like to be open about things in case anyone is going through similar stuff and needs someone to talk to.
Never be shy about getting in touch if anything I say rings true for you as well and you want to rant/vent/scream etc.
There's nothing worse than feeling alone.
If I've been grouchy, or quiet or off recently, this is why. I'm just horrendously over-stressed and I'm sorry to anyone who I've been short/silent with. <3
Anyway, on to the problems themselves:
Fertility issues.
Surrounded by super fertile, lovely, family women, I find myself stuck at the mercy of a hostile womb. Turns out that the fertility saving surgery I had after the cancer may have been in vain, as I have both endometriosis and polycystic ovaries.
I know no one in 'real life' with both these issues, and have found help groups to be rather negative. There is a lot of 'life sucks and I hate these lucky mothers' and less 'let's support each other.' While I understand the resentment and jealousy, I can't get in that headspace. I'd love a family, and sometimes I do feel sad but never fuming. (Unless I see someone actively being mean to their children, but I'm pretty sure everyone hates that!)
The real struggle is coming to terms with the idea of possibly never having a family of your own. I will look into adoption when we've gotten past this stage of testing, but we need to wait until things are more stable before we do. I can only cope with so much at once.
Cancer stuff:
I'm still being screened regularly, though I am at the end of my 'five year' period where it's most likely to recur. I have it in the back of my mind that this is exactly when my mother's came back. While I'm trying not to stress, it's always there in the back of my mind.
I'm also about to start the process of fighting for gene testing to see if I have any of the BRCA genes, which I've been denied before despite strong family history. At the same time I've got to fight for a different kind of screening to normal thanks to past operations, and for preventative surgery. Though If I'm honest I fear that the latter will be denied. This is all for a different kind of cancer to what I've been previously treated for. I've been mentally prepping myself for all this for years, but now that I'm of testing age, it is stressing me out more than I expected.
Perhaps I'm mentally a little weaker these days?
Family health issues:
My husband recently collapsed and they cannot find a definitive cause. It is not his blood sugar or any of the usual things they initially look for, but his heart rate was discovered to be very low. In light of this he's been put through some testing, and had some bloods done. He's waiting on an ECG to and may need further testing after that. He's being very calm about it on the surface, but I'm worried.
My mother too is unwell, and due to go in for all kinds of tests. I'll soon be travelling half way across the country (by train, with the dog in tow) to help her out and be there for her. She's obviously worried and hearing that in her voice kills me. Leaving my husband to help look after her is worrying me hugely, but he cannot get time off work or miss his own appointments. I'll just have to make a few cross country trips if need be. (Hence the attempts at gathering funds for train ticket costs recently. Though I've deleted the journal now as I got no interest and that was only depressing me more.)
_______
I'm posting this journal for a couple of reasons...
- I feel pretty shitty and alone. Old friends are busy or absent and sometimes it helps to get things of your chest. (I sometimes feel like my life is such a mess that people quietly distance themselves becasue it's hard to know what to say, but I don't want sympathy, I just like to have people to talk to. It helps to distract yourself you know? Sometimes you don't need 'it'll be alright' as much as you just need a friend. Life should be about happiness even when there's a lot of things looming over you?)
- In case anyone is having similar issues and wants someone who can relate to talk to. One of the most difficult parts of all of this is finding people who can understand on a personal level.
Update on the emergency situation
Posted 8 years agoI got the funds together to travel, and have bought my ticket, but I had to delay for a shitty reason. -.-
I've been waiting on hospital appointments myself, and having been waiting for bloody ages, guess when they decide to come through? You guessed it, now. :(
I had one today, and have another on the 6th, and then will be travelling on the 7th. My relative insists they are OK till then, but the guilt is killing me. I wish I could reschedule my appointments but I can't at this stage.
I'll update you all about my relative once I'm safely at their house and have seen how they're doing. In the meantime I'm going to pump out a few YCHs to try and get money together to take them out and treat them. I know they're having an operation on the 6th, so I'm going to try and plan a nice, calm day out for around a week after that.
I've been waiting on hospital appointments myself, and having been waiting for bloody ages, guess when they decide to come through? You guessed it, now. :(
I had one today, and have another on the 6th, and then will be travelling on the 7th. My relative insists they are OK till then, but the guilt is killing me. I wish I could reschedule my appointments but I can't at this stage.
I'll update you all about my relative once I'm safely at their house and have seen how they're doing. In the meantime I'm going to pump out a few YCHs to try and get money together to take them out and treat them. I know they're having an operation on the 6th, so I'm going to try and plan a nice, calm day out for around a week after that.
Emergency commissions
Posted 8 years agoI'm opening up five commission slots as I need to raise the funds to travel half way across the country by train to help a sick relative.
The ticket will be around $130 worth for a return D:
Every commissioner will get a free chibi for helping me out. <3
Details and examples can be found here:
https://maichomod.deviantart.com/jo.....ifts-699310474
The ticket will be around $130 worth for a return D:
Every commissioner will get a free chibi for helping me out. <3
Details and examples can be found here:
https://maichomod.deviantart.com/jo.....ifts-699310474
Busy busy busy!
Posted 8 years agoLife has been hectic lately! I've just finished up a paranormal novel and am now back to working on the 4th installment in my werewolf horror series.
In the meantime I've finished up a couple of flash fiction pieces and I've been working on adding more elements to the ARPG I run over on da. (With the help of a few very good friends!)
I've not had much time for art but I've at least gad some time to plan more ideas for the comic I've been working on forever!
I'm half wondering whether to try my hand at furry fiction. I hace a few characters who'd do wonderfully in either an erotica book or possibly even another comic. I just can't decide! I do enjoy writing erotica but I never usually write solely under that category... what to do?! D:
In the meantime I've finished up a couple of flash fiction pieces and I've been working on adding more elements to the ARPG I run over on da. (With the help of a few very good friends!)
I've not had much time for art but I've at least gad some time to plan more ideas for the comic I've been working on forever!
I'm half wondering whether to try my hand at furry fiction. I hace a few characters who'd do wonderfully in either an erotica book or possibly even another comic. I just can't decide! I do enjoy writing erotica but I never usually write solely under that category... what to do?! D:
A quick apology
Posted 8 years agoJust to say sorry I know I changed the date on my latest couple of YCHs (werewolf and couple outside) about a day after uploading them.
I had to go in for a bit of surgery and wanted to make sure I was recovered and the anaesthesia was out of my system enough for my work to be up to it's usual standard, so I put the dates back a little. I'll leave them as they are now, I swear XD
I may do a little YCH in the next couple of days to see how I go, but possibly not. I feel OK, but sitting for too long is making the op site sore so I should probably be careful.
Anyway, big hugs to y'all, hope everyone else here is having a good day at least ^^
I had to go in for a bit of surgery and wanted to make sure I was recovered and the anaesthesia was out of my system enough for my work to be up to it's usual standard, so I put the dates back a little. I'll leave them as they are now, I swear XD
I may do a little YCH in the next couple of days to see how I go, but possibly not. I feel OK, but sitting for too long is making the op site sore so I should probably be careful.
Anyway, big hugs to y'all, hope everyone else here is having a good day at least ^^
What would you like to see? (YCHs)
Posted 8 years agoWhat kind of thing do you like to see in a YCH?
Solo, couples or groups?
M/f, M/M, F/F, M/H, F/H, H/H?
Close ups or full scenes?
Complex backgrounds or more focus on the figures?
More than one image in the same piece? (eg: full image + close-ups)
Any particular positions or acts?
Any particular fetishes?
I like to draw full scenes but I'm always open to trying new things. ^^
I do have a pretty short list of fetish material I don't tend to draw, but it's far from a long list! XD
Solo, couples or groups?
M/f, M/M, F/F, M/H, F/H, H/H?
Close ups or full scenes?
Complex backgrounds or more focus on the figures?
More than one image in the same piece? (eg: full image + close-ups)
Any particular positions or acts?
Any particular fetishes?
I like to draw full scenes but I'm always open to trying new things. ^^
I do have a pretty short list of fetish material I don't tend to draw, but it's far from a long list! XD
Life update
Posted 8 years agoSo I've been quiet lately for a few reasons.
- I'm working hard on my next novel and drawing up plans for the 4th instalment in my Primal Progeny werewolf horror series on the side.
- I've started n fertility testing to see what the hell is making my womb so hostile.
- My Grandad is very il and currently in hospital waiting for a third operation after an internal bleed that has led to all kinds of complications, so my inspiration has been kind of completely gone.
I'm hoping to get some more YCHs done soon, and maybe a bit of personal art as well if my muse recovers enough.
- I'm working hard on my next novel and drawing up plans for the 4th instalment in my Primal Progeny werewolf horror series on the side.
- I've started n fertility testing to see what the hell is making my womb so hostile.
- My Grandad is very il and currently in hospital waiting for a third operation after an internal bleed that has led to all kinds of complications, so my inspiration has been kind of completely gone.
I'm hoping to get some more YCHs done soon, and maybe a bit of personal art as well if my muse recovers enough.
Upcoming YCH
Posted 8 years agoI have a nice, beachy, summer time background drawn up and but can't decide whether to do a more romantic couple scene, or a spring break type romp with a few more chars.
What do you guys think? Something intimate and yiffy, or some straight up naughty fun between a bunch of furs on vacation? :3
What do you guys think? Something intimate and yiffy, or some straight up naughty fun between a bunch of furs on vacation? :3
YCH explosion explanation
Posted 8 years agoI know I've come back after a break and just been uploading YCH's, there is a reason for this! xp
Our dog's epilepsy medication and insurance costs have risen, and we're already at the maximum end of money we can actually afford to spend. He now costs as much to keep healthy every month than we spend on food for three people. :(
So to try and help towards the cost a little more, I'm keeping coms open and doing a bunch of YCHs.
If anyone has any requests for content, hit me up and just ask and I'll try and do something in your preferred theme ^^
Our dog's epilepsy medication and insurance costs have risen, and we're already at the maximum end of money we can actually afford to spend. He now costs as much to keep healthy every month than we spend on food for three people. :(
So to try and help towards the cost a little more, I'm keeping coms open and doing a bunch of YCHs.
If anyone has any requests for content, hit me up and just ask and I'll try and do something in your preferred theme ^^
Happy holidays! :D
Posted 9 years agoMerry Chirstmas, happy Hannukah, Habari Gani, Merry Solstice
and a wonderful new year!
(If I've missed any, shout me! my memory is terrible!)
I'm not Christian, but I love the spirit of this time of year and
I do celebrate Christmas with my family. This will in fact be
my first Christmas with my new Husband and I can't wait
to do the whole 'housewifely' cooking bit tomorrow and
open presents together. :)
I hope you all have a lovely time over the next week or so
<3
Eat, drink and be merry :)
and a wonderful new year!
(If I've missed any, shout me! my memory is terrible!)
I'm not Christian, but I love the spirit of this time of year and
I do celebrate Christmas with my family. This will in fact be
my first Christmas with my new Husband and I can't wait
to do the whole 'housewifely' cooking bit tomorrow and
open presents together. :)
I hope you all have a lovely time over the next week or so
<3
Eat, drink and be merry :)
OMG I need to remember I'm on here more often!
Posted 9 years agoLife's been pretty busy and I keep forgetting to submit here D:
I'll be more active now though, big life stuff is out of the way and I have more free time ^^
I'll be more active now though, big life stuff is out of the way and I have more free time ^^
coms with freebies!
Posted 9 years agoI'm badly in need of earning some extra cash
in the run up to my wedding day on November 5th
so I've decided to do a deal on commissions! :D
Anyone who commissions me between now and
November 5th will get 20% off the price of their com
PLUS a free chibi or headshot/bust!
_______
*All art will be digital
*I will work as fast as I can without compromising quality
*As 5th November nears I may slow down a little! (But
you will never wait more than a month for your art!)
_______
So until first of November I will be offering the following:
*Full body, shaded no BG feral char - $7
(extra char - $4)
*Full body, shaded no BG anthro char - $19 - $32
(extra char - $9 - $17)
*Feral shaded with BG (ARPG art included) - $11
(extra char - $6)
(Subsequent extra chars - $5)
*Anthro shaded with BG - $33 - $43
(extra char - $14 - $24)
*Full detail headshot/bust no BG - $29 - $43
(with background - $38 - $48)
(extra char - $14 - $24)
*Ful detail, full body - $62 - $96
(extra char - $24 - $43)
in the run up to my wedding day on November 5th
so I've decided to do a deal on commissions! :D
Anyone who commissions me between now and
November 5th will get 20% off the price of their com
PLUS a free chibi or headshot/bust!
_______
*All art will be digital
*I will work as fast as I can without compromising quality
*As 5th November nears I may slow down a little! (But
you will never wait more than a month for your art!)
_______
So until first of November I will be offering the following:
*Full body, shaded no BG feral char - $7
(extra char - $4)
*Full body, shaded no BG anthro char - $19 - $32
(extra char - $9 - $17)
*Feral shaded with BG (ARPG art included) - $11
(extra char - $6)
(Subsequent extra chars - $5)
*Anthro shaded with BG - $33 - $43
(extra char - $14 - $24)
*Full detail headshot/bust no BG - $29 - $43
(with background - $38 - $48)
(extra char - $14 - $24)
*Ful detail, full body - $62 - $96
(extra char - $24 - $43)
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