If my memory doesn't fails me, I have been a active part of the furry fandom since late 2012 and earlier 2013. And I created a whole lot of different characters ever since: Rafox (Riolu, pokesona); Lucky (puppy, fursona); Alpha (kitten, fursona); Tim (fox; fursona)... And the truth is... Even through each and every single one of them represents me in a way or another.... None truly satisfies me.

I've changed a lot through the course of 2017... And I want a fursona that truly represent myself. As everything... As a artist, a content creator... A babyfur, a Adult Baby & Diaper Lover... So guys, I'm quite sorry for doing this for pretty much... The 4th or 5th time in a roll... But I'll change my account and truly start over for 2018.

I don't have any major intentions of erasing this account like I did late on with Lucky.
Either I likes it or not, Alpha is now a part of a quite annoying inner struggle that I have. For now on... You can call me by my real name, and yes... My new fursona will pretty much own the same name: Rafael.

Here's my account:

For some f*cking reason, even if my computer matches the minimal specs for Grand Theft Auto V, the game constantly glitches and freezes on the first few minutes of the single player campaign. Grand Theft Auto IV is even worse! The game boots the black copyright screen from Rockstar Games... Freezes... BARELY show the animation for the Rockstar North logo... And if I have any luck, it show the menu.

But if I dare to adjust the settings... Guess what happens? The game freezes and I am unable to play again.
I tried to contact Rockstar Games Brazil though Twitter, but they didn't even answered me. I tried downloading the newest version of Games For Windows Live at Microsoft... But it didn't worked neither. Now it's the second time in a row that I have to ask for a refund of a Grand Theft Auto game... What the f*ck Rockstar?

I'd less issues running Watch Dogs 1 & 2 on my PC, but Grand Theft Auto IV and V just... Straight up doesn't work, or runs like shit? I was considering buying Red Dead Redemption 1 or 2 but... With those damn problems, I prefer not to.

Lucky is my first character... The first one that I liked at least... Before that I had a pokesonna and another fursonna which I used to make Lucky. Alpha is my second, and Tim is my last character so far. However... I don't know why... I'm not satisfied at all with their redesigns. I'm not quite sure why, but it's not pleasing me.

I thought that having alpha with a hair cut would make him different... However, this haircut from my childhood is hard as hell to draw! Not only on paper, but even more on the pen tablet. Lucky... Well... His haircut is even worse. I've been sketching my both OC's for a couple of days in a roll... And I just wishing harder and harder to return to their old look.

Yeah, sure... Their old looks are pretty simplistic. I guess that I can add some effort to make my art look a little better... But man, I need to settle my pen tablet aside a little and focus on traditional drawing. More importantly... I need to establish my characters for once! I've been around since... 2016, 2013 maybe... For Lucky at least. It's about damn time to finish what I started.

So well... What for December 30th. I'll probably have something until there.

My temper usually feels like a roller-coaster. Depending on each time, day or period... I am just as calm and cheerful as a toddler sit on the ground playing with his toys while sitting on his Pampers. However, there is times when I am... Well... Just f*cking pissed. Raging like freaking hell for no apparent reason at all, and what it makes worst is the fact that nothing seems to calm me down. Horribly enough, nothing occupy my mind.

I mean... Damn it. I just want to study and take care of home, but just imagining doing this already pisses me off. Why? I don't understand at all. I literally have to take pills for it, but why? It feels so freaking ridiculous, but it the only thing besides feel toddlerish that helps me. I hate myself for that in many, many ways.

Guess who needed to visit the hospital again? Yes, my mom. I just doesn't f*cking stop. Whenever I think that I can rest knowing she will be okay, getting recovered and stuff... She either gets sick again, or sad in a away I can't help no matter what.

I hate this shit! But what fault do I have? None. What fault does she have? none. As a matter of fact, nobody has any fault. We are both doing our best, but it is never f*cking enough. This makes my blood boil. I'm tired of taking care of this house, really f*cking tired.

Whenever I look it's fur, dog piss and shit everywhere. I lost the counts of how many days I am dealing with this shit.
Not to mention the f*cking sink... Jesus Christ... I washed the dishes like... Yesterday. And now the sink is full of dirty dishes AGAIN? How? How in the name of GOD is this possible? We barely did two meals yesterday.

And now I have to cook? I f*cking refuse. I don't want. If I see another f*cking dish, I throw it from my window.
And yet, I don't want to study, I don't want to draw... But what f*cking difference does that make right now? To my mom it feels like the end. I should be studying, it's our sacred deal.

BUT I DON'T HAVE F*CKING PATIENCE TO DO IT. FUCK THOSE PUBLIC WORK OPPORTUNITIES.
I really wish that I had enough emotional patience to face all of it, but I don't. It appears whenever I get through one hell, another randomly appears.

I don't utterly remember all of the votes I gave... Nor the nominees.
My only significant request is this one: "please, just give the damn GOTY prize for TLoZ: BOTW for once".
I literally doesn't have patience anymore. I'm sickly tired of hearing that Ocarina of Time is the best Legend of Zelda of all time.

So... I guess that you guys already noticed my absence at this point.
I wrote a journal explaining why, but so far right now... I'm not even study even through I should! I guess that I am feeling a little swamped and tired. I mean, my first semester barely started and I already dealing with extra-curricular courses, tasks and subject matter... Sure, it would be nice to work as a government employee, even if I highly disagree with it, just to have a full salary and savings... But damn it! I also technically in recess.

I should... I don't know... Rest, right?
The deal-breaker that shoved me into a huge hiatus was my mom getting sick.
I just really attached to her, and no wonder why: she supports and believes on me, she accepts my weirdness even through she disagree with it and most importantly, she helps me quite a lot.

If I need financial help, even if means just organize my bills, she's there. If I need help with the hard subject while studying... She helps. Heck, she even helps me with the diapers (not a diaper change, she just helps me buying some)! A lot of people in the community wish their actual moms would be so kind. So when she got sick, in another state, in a risk of needing a surgery... Man... I felt like a torpedo hit my guts. I cried a lot.

How could someone possibly study in a situation like this one? I don't have enough emotional intelligence for this.
Thank God everything worked out in the end, but damn! I'm still wandering nuts why this even happened in the first place... Was Christ planing to teach or tell me anything during this home alone period?

What is it? I'm not sure yet.

No wonder, but this also affected heavily my art production. I wrote a huge melancholic tale about my real self getting regressed by Santa, but quite honestly... I'm not feeling like making a conclusion to it. And the drawings? Well... I'm not that fan of drama art... If I feel like shit, my art comes out like so.

Digital Art you ask? Well... My Photoshop trial is done. I could just crack it... I mean, it's technically ilegal... But I'm not planning to do it for the sake of financial gain. I draw things because it's a passion, a hobby, a method of learning. However I do wonder if there is a freemium alternative to Adobe's major program.

A friend of mine recommended FireAlpaca. I don't know this one, but the interface does reminds me... A lot... Of Paint Tool SAI. I think that I'll probably buy a license to a program alike in a near future... I'm really pissed at Adobe for this "monthly" photoshop fee shit! For f*ck sake, why the business model is a thing?

Microsoft does it with Office and Xbox Live.
Photoshop does it with their entire creative suit... Is too much to ask for be able to pay a single value for a complete program?
Like everyone else did on the early days of Office and Photoshop?

Any way, I'll have to stick with traditional art for a little more... Sorry.

WARNING: Do not read this text if you're too sensitive.
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By now, you have already noticed that I've been a little absent recently.
I makes ages since I posted my last piece of art, and even more when it comes to anything written! I've been promising to rewrite my characters origin story, I even brainstormed a bit... But I didn't really put anything into a paper yet, so everything is still on my head. However, despite how a approaching this subject matter with a darker tone, I'm pretty fine. As a matter of fact, I've never felt so great on my entire life!

This must still sounds confusing, so let me do a recall...
During the first half of this year, I was dealing with a severe depression. Back in a day, I was already used to take care of my mother whenever she had a episode alike, but I would never expect me to suffer from the same issue. And what it made the experience ten times worse than it should be, is the fact the neither I or my parents truly knew how to deal with the problem.

I mean... I don't even knew why I was unhappy... I just was unhappy and it was truly awful if you ask me.
Depending on the day, or the time... I was different, always unstable. There was times where I was just me: happier and playful as ever, inspired to the very core. But there was others... Where I just was sad, miserable... Not even wanting to play or sleep, just afraid trying to avoid my problems while watching random videos on You Tube.

Thankfully, I find out the reason why not so long ago... I think that it was September or October when it happened.
I was on my routine visit to the psychologist, but it was different because my old doctor was replaced by a new one. I didn't knew what to expect... I would have to restart all over again... And I didn't had a clue about her or her methods. All that I want was that to end for me to go home.

However, after everything that I told her... She made me a question that hit my guts hard in way that I'll never forget:
"What do you want to do for the rest of your life?"
I've never felt so overwhelmed by a question before... The funny thing is... I never really stopped to fully think on what I wanted to my life since I started the College back in 2016. The thing is: my choice of becoming a journalist was nothing but a lie.

I wasn't really seeking any truth or doing what I want and love, I was pretending during the whole course. I was telling myself that I've a purpose and seeking one, but in reality I was going either nowhere, or a direction that I would regret for the rest of my existence. Than I decided to rethink my future.

I took a look back in my past and I realized: I never really wanted to write newspapers... I always wanted to play and most importantly CREATE videogames. My truly real dream was to become a game developer and designer... Make my own games. The very reason why I was unhappy is because I was seeking a dream, but I gave up on it because I thought it was too difficult. When in reality... It isn't.

And that made me change so much... The Alpha you knew before November of 2017 is even non recognizable in comparison to me know. I'm a totally different person know, and I'm continuously changing myself.

I'm doing exercises, studying for jobs in government as a way to raise money, making courses... My skills are improving and nest year I'll start another graduation course. However this time... Is a course that I like! Meant for everyone that truly loves videogames and want to work with them.

Which is why I've been kinda absent, taking some time for myself while I still can, but seriously though... I`m okay. And I'll not leave Fur Affinity or the furry fandom. Becuase in a way or another... This place is my home, so I would rather stay. During this time... I politely ask for your patience. But I will make a comeback with lots of art!

Yeaaaaah! It's me!
And I'm totally going to the movies wearing a costume!
Or a diaper... I don't know, whatever comes first I guess.

And I'm super Dupper excited! Just bought Rogue One for my collection...
And I do have like tons of Star Wars games on my Steam right now... I need to play them all!
I shall consume everything!

Also... Yeah, Porgs are pretty cute.

My mom said that I used diapers until my four years old, because I was scared by the toilet bowl.
Man... This is quite...Odd, but hey I was a kid. Well... This also explains why the fantasy of being changed, or the feelings attached of a dirty diaper makes me feel aroused and comfortable.

I was looking into some old photo albums, and I find out that I wore diapers at least until 2002. Man... I do recall a lot of my childhood... But I seriously don't recall wearing diapers on 9/11... That's sure feels odd now that I find out, but this at least confirms my earlier theories... So... I wore diapers... Until my 4 years old.

Well... I guess that my "lucky" number is a even number. I did wore diapers as a toddler and early preschooler...
Come to think of it... I'd my first scholar experiences around my 2 years old. Man... I wore diapers in school! >////<

No wonder why I have some much memories of my toddlerhood playing SNES, and wearing padding as I watch cable TV. This does make me wonder which age I first enjoyed those... My guess is around 2 or 3 years old... No wonder why I like those ages so much.

Well... That means... Around the age of 3, I'd 36 inches and 27 lbs...
So... My diaper size was around 3 to 5 (Grand/Grande in Brazil)... The two brands I most use in order is: Pampers and Huggies...

My mom also said I was a huge fan of super heroes... And I never really liked pacifiers.
Also I was a troublemaker... Well, it does make sense, after all I still have ADHD.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8454986/

If the answer is Y-E-S, I highly suggest you to check this link above.
Also... Make sure to spread the word... This project is awesome and deserves more attention!

Really, really close to buy my Wacom graphic tablet.

I finished my job at the garage sale helper today... And I got R$170 bucks so far, which is the equivalent to U$$53,90 dollars. For sake of comparison, a Wacom One tablet costs U$$98,41 dollars (brand new on eBay). On Brazil, the same product costs around U$$85,57 dollars brand new.

All the I have to do now is wait my old stuff to sell.
I've an Atari Flashback 7 as well a Polaroid sunglasses waiting for an buyer...
So... This must cover the rest of the costs. Also... It might remain a little change... And if it does, I'll buy lots of diapers!

It's almost 11:00 pm and I'm really freaking exhausted.
Considering that I was working: researching prices, and pasting tags into used products at one garage sale since 10:00 am... I pretty much spent 13 hours working for just R$50 bucks, which is converts to 15 dollars. Yeah, that was tough.

In fact, disregarding fail attempts to a job at the mall, failed internship interviews (paid of course) and my volunteer work at the church... This is pretty much my first professional experience. And I'll do it again tomorrow... Why? Becuase I've a dream to realize: buying my first graphic tablet.

That will take like, more six days of hard work if everything goes well... I'm holding myself really hard to not buy the Friends complete DVD collection (it's like... U$$31 bucks for the entire 10 seasons of the show), but I'll do it. No matter what! Like Frisk I am heavily determined to reach this goal, and I will.

Speaking of which... I finally finished Undertale.
I played till the true pacifist ending, and I am simply... Amazed, I don't have words to describe.
I wanna make a review on my Blog and a Fanart... I mean... I just want a sequel and a freaking theatrical OVA based on this game's pacifist route campaign. It is this good.

In fact... The last time I was so amazed was while playing Super Mario Galaxy.
Also, my favorite character is Asriel, of course... Or not, I just can't decide... The entire cast of characters is great!

Back then, anime and magas were like my kriptonite when it comes to pop culture. I just couldn't keep up with them, no matter what, and to this day I still have a hard time getting used to Japan's backwards reading orientation. However, I can say that now I've finally developed enough interesting to like this genre of animation.

My two person favourites until know are: One Punch Man (which I still have 03 more episodes to watch, so please no spoilers, and is also freaking hilarious) and Death Note (which I remember watching like... In 2013, but never finishing until now... I'm on episode 16 I guess).

And I haven't realized until know: how many animes Netflix has on it's catalogue!
I just need to watch them all! <3<3<3

I will be changing my focus on journalism to finally follow my actual dream: game developing!
I wanna be a Indie developer and make my own games, but I don't scrap the ideia of working at the industry some point.
Which is why I wanna a recommendation of a Pen Tablet! I think that having one will improve my art, and make it easier to draw the sprites.

I tried with the mouse... And damn it! I suck really hard.
The recommendation that people always makes to me is: choose a Wacom one.
And Wacom sounds neat, it isn't even that hard to find a Wacom One or Bamboo model out there for a good price.

There is even a lot of options when it comes to used tablets.
But I think Genius is a good brand... My only reference to it is the first models back in 2000... So I might be like totally wrong.

It's called Dogurai, and it's a pretty decent platformer if you ask me.
I mean, the sprites are great, the tunes are decent, the game emulates the graphics of the first Gameboy (which is neat)... And it's being developed by a couple of brazilians!

This is just awesome, no joke. Brazil is still a fairly fragile market when it comes to game developing, so even if it's a platformer with 8-bit like sprites, it's still fairly admirable, I really liked it! In fact, I think I did a fanart of the main protagonist at some point, but I apparently lose it.

The beta is available for free here: https://goo.gl/2RSSHb
I heavily recommend you to check it out and pass a feedback for either one of it's developers (and donate if you can):

 mockthebear
 guax

Also, I meet them in person, so they are great guys to chat with.
Points for Guax for making tose sprites on Paint... That is awesome!

I guess that my only major complaint is the platforming, the double jumping can be improved.

According to The Enemy and IGN Brazil, the Xbox One S finally arrived at my country, which are some wonderful news if you ask me! Sure, the console is still considerably expensive. There are only bundles featuring either Minecraft or Forza Horizon 3 with 500 GB for like R$2.000 reais (which is usually a standard for any console at launch in Brazil), but if I wait a little... I can change my current "VCR" Xbox One model for the slim one.

Sure, Microsoft does have plans to release the Xbox One X eventually as well. However, with a price of U$$ 499 dollars... You can bet your tiny little ass the launch price in Brazil will be HUGE. For the sake of comparison, the PlayStation 4's standard model costed R$ 4.000 reais at launch! I'm not joking.

To be fair, I'm already just as satisfied to play on the regular models. 4K is still a expensive technology that will take quite some time to catch on not only in USA, but in Brazil as well. HDR? Yeah, I'd a PS4 Slim and I recall the console having this feature... It was nice, you could perfectly notice while playing Uncharted 4, but once again, it really doesn't make any major changes, so it feels like a bonuses to me rather than the real deal.

So, if I change my Xbox One model... Is because the Xbox One S is slim... And that's really all there is to it.

Usually, I always heard that Tumblr is that place on the internet where people constantly ramble about insignificant subject matter, in other words, a place for social justice that doesn't really add nothing for the discussion or help anyone. However, I was able to see the other side of coin. If there is a lots of SJW, there is also a fair amount of conservatives and those "MAGA" guys.

Also, you people might be aware that I'm a fan of most of Trump's major decisions as a president, but that doesn't mean that I blindly agree with every single attitude the president took. Hell! Not even the "brazilian Trump" which is probably the first, and probably the only truly conservative candidate to presidency is a guy that I totally agrees with. You can never fully trust a politician, even if it has conservatives ideals.

I also was able to meet blogs from a decent amount of... Simple people.
People with non-political subject matter on their blogs, that at times just want to let the world know about their life style... Or just simply post their art online to let more people outside Fur Affinity know about it.

and are decent examples for what I'm talking about.
Their art as good and they seem to have a audience to their work. Which begs a question inside of me? What I did wrong?

My blog doesn't feel fairly different from them, and yet, doesn't matter which step that I take... I don't have a single follower. I mean... I've never saw someone commenting on my work, reblogging, favoring... Nothing, not even a single feedback, and my account exists for a one year or six months at least.

Why it seems so hard to be even noticed around Tumblr? No wonder why I moved on to Wordpress.
The crew member does gives you a fair amount of customization tools for either the blog's design, or the posts itself. They do give you advice through mail, which are effective, and it does makes you more comfortable to write an actual text.

Not that you can do it on Tumblr... But at times the platform feels limited to images and gifs only, if not a "140 characters" text on Twitter style. I don't know... Just didn't get used to Yahoo's answer to Blogger despite my attempts.

Also... Why the hell I can't delete my account? I doesn't matter how much I change my password, it only seem to affects Yahoo itself, but ye Tumblr seem to have it's own password, and since I've forgot it, I can delete my account damn it!

https://alphaslittleblog.wordpress.com/
Please make sure to check it out! I'll post a story about my first ABDL meeting!

Some assh*le decided that would be a good idea to make a hole on the wall on 10:00 am.
Really? I woke up really pissed! Couldn't you wait until after 12:00 pm?

Oh well... I also found out that I forgot to return a book from the library.
I hate this sh*t! Why the library can't have a App or the phone? In fact the college does have one, made specifically for the students get organized and in touch... But it does not include the library.

I mean... The could have warn me out at least.

Also... I hate myself for not finishing this book in time... I had a important valuation regarding it, but I couldn't finish reading in time... I just kept the book because of self-proud and nothing else.

Man, more 53 watchers!
This is a huge deal for me, thank you guys, for all of your support!

...It's precisely 01:39 am where I live! Can't he understand that our neighbors finally made their toddler sleep?
Your meow is really loud sweetheart! >~<

Look, the Nintendo Switch looks like a great console.
It was released at march of this year, and it already got a library the would make me feel very jealous if I still own a Wii U.
So... I guess that Nintendo will do just fine on their two year test, which is usually crucial to determine if a console will succeed or fail on the market.

However... Here's a thing that a thought I would never see in a Nintendo console: a Skyrim port, and a f*cking Rockstar game! Holy damn! 2K did released a basketball game for the console (which is nothing really new, the Wii U also had a similar game) and I think a WWE game as well... But man LA Noire remastered?

Regarding any console that Nintendo ever made... That's a whole freaking new level.
I'm actually legitimately shocked! I mean... Nintendo even managed to remember that Brazil still exists! And they are making available their on-line services with a free trial here!

The Wii U barely had such thing!
They pretty much obligated you to have an american account.
I mean... Yeah sure, they still doesn't officially do business in Brazil... We still don't have a brazilian e-shop which would be nice... However, I can't at least positively say there is might or will happen in a not so distant future!

So congratulations Nintendo. If the things continue like that... I will might get a Switch next year rather than other PS4!