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SONA CHRISIS , ALY ISNT MY SONA ?!
Posted 10 years ago This is true aly is not my fursonna , tbh after 3 years of Devin ( this fucking nerd --->)http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14103519/ being my sona , I believe it's time for an update , cause one ... Wings ... Wtf ... Why .. I don't even see why I had those ... Just so much ... I don't see how it mixes with me . The only thing that makes sense are the books and glasses >.<
So ....
I been thinking ...
Update if not complete rework ?
Now here's is the second problem . I want this to be my sona , but God dammit if most of you who watch me realized ... I like herm/shemale/trans/bustybois or whatever the fuck you call a thing with boobs and dicks these days
And as said on my profile im a guy . ( please don't all be shocked at once )
So the dilemma is .. Do I make him a guy ... Or make her a girl ... Even though im a guy ...
God dammit why do things with cocks and boobs have to be so attractive to me !!
Help me people ! What do you think is the right choice ?!
Btw this is just for the fucking gender XD I haven't even chose te species yet ... This is horrible of me to ask ...
Posted 10 years agoBut I need to be remembered who my friends are ....
I just ...
Im so stupid I cried my ass off losing myself idk what to do .. I want to list them down just for the sake of memory , but the fact I can't remember ...
Out of sight out of mind ...
This isn't for everyone ... I mean just those who haven't talked to me in a while ...
Like forexample a name I vaguely remember and probably isn't accurate is vahellan or something or I don't remember ...
I remember we used to talk a lot about nostalgic ps1 games ... But I can't remember anything else or his or her name ...
I just ...
Im so stupid I cried my ass off losing myself idk what to do .. I want to list them down just for the sake of memory , but the fact I can't remember ...
Out of sight out of mind ...
This isn't for everyone ... I mean just those who haven't talked to me in a while ...
Like forexample a name I vaguely remember and probably isn't accurate is vahellan or something or I don't remember ...
I remember we used to talk a lot about nostalgic ps1 games ... But I can't remember anything else or his or her name ...
rawr a liz needs help :P
Posted 10 years agoCan I have some college nerds here for a sec?
Posted 10 years agoIm writing a research paper ...
and the problem is not how to write it , but finding the fucking sources I need in order to write the damn thing . I am sure you all know Wikipedia is not allowed for shit like this .
and my topic is
How Does Music Influence learning?
So what and where the hell do i start? any ideas?
Like do I go to psychology websites? or what? Cause the only useful ones I was provided is websites like CNN and shit like that
( I chose to go above and beyond and not write about isis like every one else in class... sigh)
and the problem is not how to write it , but finding the fucking sources I need in order to write the damn thing . I am sure you all know Wikipedia is not allowed for shit like this .
and my topic is
How Does Music Influence learning?
So what and where the hell do i start? any ideas?
Like do I go to psychology websites? or what? Cause the only useful ones I was provided is websites like CNN and shit like that
( I chose to go above and beyond and not write about isis like every one else in class... sigh)
GREAT NEWS
Posted 10 years agothe check i got in the mail is actually all paid off! so even with everything finally paid and worked out i have 250$ to spend at my discretion! which means.. omg... is it true..
yes..
commissions..
more aly are coming to a webpage near you!
yes..
commissions..
more aly are coming to a webpage near you!
serious question . people are actually claiming im
Posted 10 years agoinsane...
is it possible to forget where i put something thinking i put it there
example one I put my CREDIT CARD on top of the kitchen counter. 2 days ago. 1 hour later didnt find it canceled it my community office said they found it on top of my car....
why on top?!?!? soo i think i was just tired
now my moms tv remote is missing.. i just came home from school and from what i am aware she goes no where...
its still mia ..and she claims i took it and dont know where i put it...
i sweari didnt..
but is it possible?
is it possible to forget where i put something thinking i put it there
example one I put my CREDIT CARD on top of the kitchen counter. 2 days ago. 1 hour later didnt find it canceled it my community office said they found it on top of my car....
why on top?!?!? soo i think i was just tired
now my moms tv remote is missing.. i just came home from school and from what i am aware she goes no where...
its still mia ..and she claims i took it and dont know where i put it...
i sweari didnt..
but is it possible?
GOOD NEWS ! AND minor bad news
Posted 10 years agoGOOD NEWS I GOT A CHECK FROM MY GRANTS FOR COLLEGE! all my classes were paid off already via my scholarships !
so i have oodles of potential money laying around for use.
Potential as said. im going down to my career advisor tomorrow and financial aid department to see if this can be used as a discretionary and if any of it will be needed to fund my classes later down to the road.
bad news. it may all just be for school :P( im hoping for at least 50 dollars to keep XD)
so i have oodles of potential money laying around for use.
Potential as said. im going down to my career advisor tomorrow and financial aid department to see if this can be used as a discretionary and if any of it will be needed to fund my classes later down to the road.
bad news. it may all just be for school :P( im hoping for at least 50 dollars to keep XD)
More sad stuff but serious question .
Posted 10 years agoOk im not gonna bother listing the cumulative amount of sadness that is going on cause it's just making me feel annoying soooo.... Here's the question
anyone else feel like whenever they are either sad or mildly ( or intensively ) depressed they perform and do everything worse ? Hell i fucking feel like I suck at playing with my kitty ... I mean I know he's probably just a little bastard but when he runs away cause I just wanna pet him and snug him i feel like shit .my aunt died and...
Posted 10 years agoi cant cry... god .. im just fucking awful
i might as well fucking grow horns and walk around with a damn pitch fork....
i might as well fucking grow horns and walk around with a damn pitch fork....
About the whole zootopia thing
Posted 10 years agoIs anyone else wonder if Disney World or just Disney in general saw what happens on this website would be afraid if I don't know maybe this movie may be canceled?!?
We're just something I need I don't know there is so much bored of this already it's ridiculous and I love Walt Disney to death and I don't think I can imagine in rule 64 rule 34 I don't know what the rule is for Disney stuff because I mean I like porn as much of the next person it's just I can't handle the rules because Disney is my childhood and it's like I feel like I'm raping my childhood it's not cool and I don't think Disney intended it for this . I mean it might only one who feels this way like I love porn don't get me wrong but it's just cannot be copyrighted or something to stop this?!
We're just something I need I don't know there is so much bored of this already it's ridiculous and I love Walt Disney to death and I don't think I can imagine in rule 64 rule 34 I don't know what the rule is for Disney stuff because I mean I like porn as much of the next person it's just I can't handle the rules because Disney is my childhood and it's like I feel like I'm raping my childhood it's not cool and I don't think Disney intended it for this . I mean it might only one who feels this way like I love porn don't get me wrong but it's just cannot be copyrighted or something to stop this?!
Obligatory journal not so obligatory
Posted 10 years agoMore so rant and rambles and rawrs of the like .
Sushi ... Why is it so hard to find a good sushi place .... I love it so much ... But either the place has good quality but charges up the ass for absolutely nothing and leaves me starving when I leave .
Or
The place has huge proportions but it tastes meh and no love or anything was put into it and doesn't even deserve the money .
Why can't there be a good sushi place that tastes good and has decent proportions near me !
Today on my way home I am giving the last place near me a shot that I have not even bothered trying yet cause it's next to the bad part of west palm beach :p
Desperation ... I need sushi... I can't live without it..
Do you guys know my pain ? Do you ... Do you !?
Sushi ... Why is it so hard to find a good sushi place .... I love it so much ... But either the place has good quality but charges up the ass for absolutely nothing and leaves me starving when I leave .
Or
The place has huge proportions but it tastes meh and no love or anything was put into it and doesn't even deserve the money .
Why can't there be a good sushi place that tastes good and has decent proportions near me !
Today on my way home I am giving the last place near me a shot that I have not even bothered trying yet cause it's next to the bad part of west palm beach :p
Desperation ... I need sushi... I can't live without it..
Do you guys know my pain ? Do you ... Do you !?
Feeling nostalgic
Posted 10 years agoSo I am gonna link some old and new pics from an artist I used to watch before I even knew what FA was , he has some real heartfelt shit . Like it a lot . Sadly doesn't so commissions , but the dude got skills .
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....l337&qo=22
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....yl337&qo=8
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....yl337&qo=7
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....ters-429461295 ( badass monster stuff is badaas )
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....weak-419913273 ( I still cry at this )
http://omnoproxyl337.deviantart.com.....face-439204269 ( and these are a diamond dog species he draws im not sure if it was created by him or someone but God I think they are cool )
Share your thoughts on what I linked :p I wouldn't mind a little chit chat or fangirling over some of this stuff
I HAVE A PROBLEM ...
Posted 10 years agotalking to woman...like i hate this about me... like everytime i talk to a girl , I always look at their boobs.. and i dont want to , honestly this may come as a shocker im not interested in boobs , well to be more exact , humans :P ya... im not sexually attracted to em... thats a whole nother thing .... but back to boobs.. i cant help but stare at them .. especially since im 6ft and everyone else is shorter by a ft at the most cases and well... i have to always look down at my feet or my phone or something else thats not them , so i dont feel like a damn pervert or some shit... its a real problem honestly and it makes talking to woman annoying hard
day 1 part 1
Posted 10 years agoteacher seems nice , feel sorry for the fact he has a problem with his voice, course entry seems strong and intimidating but i feel i can handle it , sorry if i just rant on about how my days may go its probably the only thing i can keep to myself that will make the next day or the next class seem like im still sane :P
7
Posted 10 years agodays till my first day of college.. yay anxiety..
Wtf is this side bar advertisement shit ?!
Posted 10 years agoOk I hate to be one of those people saying I am leaving fa and going to weasyl and some shit like that , but im not doing it cause oh hey dragoneer hired a rapist , or imvu is now owner of FA , or bla bla bla . It's just im not here to see advertisements at every damn corner and it pisses me off it gets in the freakin way of the image I see .
If I wanted to see something that looks like a god damn Barbie doll I would go SL or something like that idk , but this just genuinely angers me . And slowly FA is having shit hit the fan .
Basically this is practically a time bomb of me possibly moving to weasyl .
If I wanted to see something that looks like a god damn Barbie doll I would go SL or something like that idk , but this just genuinely angers me . And slowly FA is having shit hit the fan .
Basically this is practically a time bomb of me possibly moving to weasyl .
wanna see a random thing i found on skype ?
Posted 10 years agoI DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THESE ARE , but hey ! I WISH I COULD ACTUALLY MURDER THE CREATOR OF THIS WHEN I SEE IT
who is this?
[3:01:11 AM] panda queen: hey i found your name on the directory. I'm 24/female wanna chat and share pics?
[3:06:06 AM] Undecidedname: i rather gut your insides with a rusty spoon and send you to a never ending inferno as you burn alive
[3:06:28 AM] panda queen: My name is amanda i grew up in Miami.. i'm kinda a small girl with big attributes lol where are you from?
[3:07:04 AM] Undecidedname: i rather gut your insides with a rusty spoon and send you to a never ending inferno as you burn alive .. how dense are you , god damn you must be a stupid cunt needing to fucking die
[3:07:22 AM] panda queen: cool, im just bored as fuk at home! I'm single and looking... have you ever had cyber sex?
[3:08:04 AM] Undecidedname: your not even 24 your profile says you are 20 , get your shit straight before i call the cops on this profile for pornography
[3:08:30 AM] panda queen: lol, send me a recent pic of you and lets have some fun
( then i blocked the bitch and now im off to bed on my phone reading any commentary that may pass this random journal)
to all of you who use skype, dont you hate when you get this ?
who is this?
[3:01:11 AM] panda queen: hey i found your name on the directory. I'm 24/female wanna chat and share pics?
[3:06:06 AM] Undecidedname: i rather gut your insides with a rusty spoon and send you to a never ending inferno as you burn alive
[3:06:28 AM] panda queen: My name is amanda i grew up in Miami.. i'm kinda a small girl with big attributes lol where are you from?
[3:07:04 AM] Undecidedname: i rather gut your insides with a rusty spoon and send you to a never ending inferno as you burn alive .. how dense are you , god damn you must be a stupid cunt needing to fucking die
[3:07:22 AM] panda queen: cool, im just bored as fuk at home! I'm single and looking... have you ever had cyber sex?
[3:08:04 AM] Undecidedname: your not even 24 your profile says you are 20 , get your shit straight before i call the cops on this profile for pornography
[3:08:30 AM] panda queen: lol, send me a recent pic of you and lets have some fun
( then i blocked the bitch and now im off to bed on my phone reading any commentary that may pass this random journal)
to all of you who use skype, dont you hate when you get this ?
someone. wanna he;p me stay awake? trying to pull an
Posted 10 years agoall nighter... and well its morning.. and its hard... so painful half please
This is pimp but hey free stuff hear it out :P
Posted 10 years agoPRESS F5 btw :P
thealmugator
is making a bunch of fatty fat fatty icons with lots of chub :P
they are multiple species and adorable!
( HURRY UP AND GET TO THE FREE PART DAMMIT) ok ok
so the initial icon is 2$ that has to be paid for no matter what , but if you actually use it and pimp it , you get another fatty icon for free !
so give it to your friend or hell make one of another character
basically if you pimp it in a sense the icons are a dollar each !
holy fuck not a bad deal am i right?
be a butt go look at it at the very least and wobble with me maybe ?
OR JUST LAUGH AT THE FACT ALY IS A FATTY
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16282006/
thealmugator is making a bunch of fatty fat fatty icons with lots of chub :P
they are multiple species and adorable!
( HURRY UP AND GET TO THE FREE PART DAMMIT) ok ok
so the initial icon is 2$ that has to be paid for no matter what , but if you actually use it and pimp it , you get another fatty icon for free !
so give it to your friend or hell make one of another character
basically if you pimp it in a sense the icons are a dollar each !
holy fuck not a bad deal am i right?
be a butt go look at it at the very least and wobble with me maybe ?
OR JUST LAUGH AT THE FACT ALY IS A FATTY
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16282006/
This Journal is a week late buuuttttttttt...................
Posted 10 years agoIll still post it !
So to the perverts / furverts/ repverts ( basically all those people who just love seeing aly and the rest of my gallery XD )
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!
Well .. i honestly dont give five fucks bout whats bout to happen , this is more so for aly to explain SO HERES THE FLOOR FOR ALYYY DALSTRY!!!!!
* spotlight shines on the hyper lizardess* :p
Aly: * dazzles all kawai like * So hey everyone who loves supporting me and watching me and well.. the people I do stuff with as well ^^; . I got some news I had to share with everyone today . and well this is all being kept record of so share it with your friends later if you want , but short and simple . I am thinking bout whoring myself out a little more then I used to , but the problem is... I really appreciate my friends more then complete strangers.. Yes i see some sexy people around each way I turn and see , but I always seclude myself to my circle or.. shall i say wall of friends? I say wall because you see how big everyone i know is... and I am sure most of you that i know are reading this with a good ft or more packing proud . Wow.. I feel like I ramble more then Devin over there.
* spotlight shines back to me *
Yo * points back to aly
Aly : *More kawai shine with more spotlight * So I want to get to the point before I probably burn like a french fry under this light , I am trying to be more open with those around me , but I wont lie .. I'm not a complete prostitute and slut :P the rules are gotta 2ft or bigger to even hug me :P yep! hey used to be worse.
ok well.. perverted hugs.. i cant lie everyone needs a good hug here and there sometimes and ill make an exception BUT STILL !
ALSO TO EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE YOU HAVE ALL RIGHTS OVER ME ! YOU GET ALL THE HUGS YOU WANT SO STOP READING THIS AND FUCKING HUG ME DAMMIT OR LET ME SIT ON YOUR FAT ASS AND BEFORE I GO YOU BETTER MAKE SURE YOU LET ME S... * Curtain closes on Aly*
Devin: well folks thats enough out of her . so yep just approach her say hi , most of her friends have been shy to even talk to her recently . Dont be that way be friendly be cool be forward dont be an ass. congrats you are alys friend. She is also looking for masters, pets, and etc ;)
So to the perverts / furverts/ repverts ( basically all those people who just love seeing aly and the rest of my gallery XD )
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!
Well .. i honestly dont give five fucks bout whats bout to happen , this is more so for aly to explain SO HERES THE FLOOR FOR ALYYY DALSTRY!!!!!
* spotlight shines on the hyper lizardess* :p
Aly: * dazzles all kawai like * So hey everyone who loves supporting me and watching me and well.. the people I do stuff with as well ^^; . I got some news I had to share with everyone today . and well this is all being kept record of so share it with your friends later if you want , but short and simple . I am thinking bout whoring myself out a little more then I used to , but the problem is... I really appreciate my friends more then complete strangers.. Yes i see some sexy people around each way I turn and see , but I always seclude myself to my circle or.. shall i say wall of friends? I say wall because you see how big everyone i know is... and I am sure most of you that i know are reading this with a good ft or more packing proud . Wow.. I feel like I ramble more then Devin over there.
* spotlight shines back to me *
Yo * points back to aly
Aly : *More kawai shine with more spotlight * So I want to get to the point before I probably burn like a french fry under this light , I am trying to be more open with those around me , but I wont lie .. I'm not a complete prostitute and slut :P the rules are gotta 2ft or bigger to even hug me :P yep! hey used to be worse.
ok well.. perverted hugs.. i cant lie everyone needs a good hug here and there sometimes and ill make an exception BUT STILL !
ALSO TO EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE YOU HAVE ALL RIGHTS OVER ME ! YOU GET ALL THE HUGS YOU WANT SO STOP READING THIS AND FUCKING HUG ME DAMMIT OR LET ME SIT ON YOUR FAT ASS AND BEFORE I GO YOU BETTER MAKE SURE YOU LET ME S... * Curtain closes on Aly*
Devin: well folks thats enough out of her . so yep just approach her say hi , most of her friends have been shy to even talk to her recently . Dont be that way be friendly be cool be forward dont be an ass. congrats you are alys friend. She is also looking for masters, pets, and etc ;)
Update for new icon AND
Posted 10 years agoGet ready for a rant journal follow up , not a bad rant but it involves aly :< be prepared for the rant rambler
Late night/morning confessions of a crazy lizard
Posted 11 years agoHey guys ...
I recently found out
I'm a nerd ..
Now I bet to you who took 5 seconds reading that from first thought think ( oh wow like everyone isn't a nerd already )
Well here's the funny thing
I'm almost 20 ( coming this August i hit the big 2 0) and 2 years ago I finally started experiencing the joys of the Internet to the fullest potential that wasn't an iPhone
Though even to this day I use this same phone for most of my things ( writing essays , resumes , this journal , skype current anime at night time I had to google on the computer and find links that had access to quick time that are avaible on my phone XD )
But YA.... Going on to what I was saying
Thanks to an awesome computer
pahpreeka hooked me up with ( it wasn't free but still no regrets plus the security system that saved my ass from a skype virus I downloaded cause apparently my friend didn't sent it and meh...)
I learned the love of online gaming
But see here's the thing I only play one game at a time ... So people trying to get me to play minecraft or garysmod or some stuff . Trust me honest to god they look fun , but I want to not get bored of the current game i play before I move on . It's like a best friend . I want to appreciate them and keep enjoying them before fate drifts us appart . And I will always remember ^^
So the current game im addicted to you wonder ? Why of course I'll tell you
ITS THE HELL HOLE CALLED league of legends WHERE ASSHOLES RANDOMLY SPAWN AND YELL AT YOU FOR NO REASON. Why the hell do I play this by myself ?
One .. They have ahri ... ( don't know what it is ? Google it ! She knows what you desire ... And she's quite charming the puns to those who get me ! Right ? Am I right!?)
But really I'm still looking for people to play with , luckily my somehow ( from what people say ) personable charm attract people and I am blessed to have a small handful of people I can occasionally play with ( one who I wish would better his life .. But bleeding hearts are cruel things ..) and im glad ^^
Though I wish I could play with more people. So I wanted to let you know that hey if you aren't an asshole ? Completely okay with me and wanna play with me ( the player not aly sorry dear :< ) shoot me something !
Now for anime ! I am addicted love anime ever since naruto ( the first not this filler bull crap shippuden crap ) and im sad bleach is over but omfg im addicted to durararax2 already ... yaa point being im a level 3 nerd and I dont know if there's a max level for this ? Maybe to the point I might be getting daikimura or whatever it's called and hang it on my walls or stuff is something Id call max level ? But I'm just a lover <3
To be honest I don't know what compels me to even make this journal , for some reason always when I'm about to end I have a sudden regret and think I shouldn't post this , but then something tells me that someone would say " just speak what's on your mind the worst they could is not read it "
But YA holy crap I need to shut up I feel like I'm talking to myself at this point
YA thank you for reading though
Summery : basically
I like games : currently League of Legends FTP
Like anime : durararax2
I want gaming friends cause I'm a lonely asshole
And i safely assume I need some mental help for all these conflicting drawback thoughts XD. Night/good morning thank you for reading
I recently found out
I'm a nerd ..
Now I bet to you who took 5 seconds reading that from first thought think ( oh wow like everyone isn't a nerd already )
Well here's the funny thing
I'm almost 20 ( coming this August i hit the big 2 0) and 2 years ago I finally started experiencing the joys of the Internet to the fullest potential that wasn't an iPhone
Though even to this day I use this same phone for most of my things ( writing essays , resumes , this journal , skype current anime at night time I had to google on the computer and find links that had access to quick time that are avaible on my phone XD )
But YA.... Going on to what I was saying
Thanks to an awesome computer
pahpreeka hooked me up with ( it wasn't free but still no regrets plus the security system that saved my ass from a skype virus I downloaded cause apparently my friend didn't sent it and meh...)I learned the love of online gaming
But see here's the thing I only play one game at a time ... So people trying to get me to play minecraft or garysmod or some stuff . Trust me honest to god they look fun , but I want to not get bored of the current game i play before I move on . It's like a best friend . I want to appreciate them and keep enjoying them before fate drifts us appart . And I will always remember ^^
So the current game im addicted to you wonder ? Why of course I'll tell you
ITS THE HELL HOLE CALLED league of legends WHERE ASSHOLES RANDOMLY SPAWN AND YELL AT YOU FOR NO REASON. Why the hell do I play this by myself ?
One .. They have ahri ... ( don't know what it is ? Google it ! She knows what you desire ... And she's quite charming the puns to those who get me ! Right ? Am I right!?)
But really I'm still looking for people to play with , luckily my somehow ( from what people say ) personable charm attract people and I am blessed to have a small handful of people I can occasionally play with ( one who I wish would better his life .. But bleeding hearts are cruel things ..) and im glad ^^
Though I wish I could play with more people. So I wanted to let you know that hey if you aren't an asshole ? Completely okay with me and wanna play with me ( the player not aly sorry dear :< ) shoot me something !
Now for anime ! I am addicted love anime ever since naruto ( the first not this filler bull crap shippuden crap ) and im sad bleach is over but omfg im addicted to durararax2 already ... yaa point being im a level 3 nerd and I dont know if there's a max level for this ? Maybe to the point I might be getting daikimura or whatever it's called and hang it on my walls or stuff is something Id call max level ? But I'm just a lover <3
To be honest I don't know what compels me to even make this journal , for some reason always when I'm about to end I have a sudden regret and think I shouldn't post this , but then something tells me that someone would say " just speak what's on your mind the worst they could is not read it "
But YA holy crap I need to shut up I feel like I'm talking to myself at this point
YA thank you for reading though
Summery : basically
I like games : currently League of Legends FTP
Like anime : durararax2
I want gaming friends cause I'm a lonely asshole
And i safely assume I need some mental help for all these conflicting drawback thoughts XD. Night/good morning thank you for reading
6AM apifony ( don't need to read unless your nosey as hell )
Posted 11 years agoOr whatever it's spelled or called
I .. I'm just an emotional wreck and im keeping this here for self reminder cause I always stealth my way to this website and look to this page so for when I do go here I remember why I try to stay sane .
A monster that I am .. Spawned from the mother and father that burned their ways into my head ... do I slowly crumble to their level and wonder why my existence suffers ... I try to please and do the best I can for acceptance when all others see me as a traitor or one sided or use people as toys for a game when really I was the pawn in their game all along where I wasn't needed .. I was not the bishop to check the king or protect the queen . I was meant to be put along and see where te weakness will lie ..Hostility grows and as I suffer from the loathing of it does my self pity grow and depression deepen even more . People wonder why I am depressed .. It's cause I see and reflect and remember and never forget .. I never forget the pain .. I never forget the smiles either ... The smiles I could feel through the stern faces and how I could feel some warmth through the cold exterior I been forced to put up behind such a false smile . That it be I don't even know myself .. Wether I am truly happy or sad is in question .. Maybe when I can finally cry .... Or when I need to force my smile away will i be able to tell the difference between the two , but till then confusion and bile fill me .. Day by day wondering what twisted creation that I am ... Why was i created ... For a man to leave his creation for nothing and to let it rot like the pawn he is .. And for the queen to abandon her kingdom ... Forcing the enemy to surround me ... Watch the one who served under them ...
Mother .. Father ... I no longer serve you ... You can at least tell me ... Did you at least use me to your liking ... I failed you both ...
I failed everyone ..
I'm still failing ...
But I'm trying hard not to .. Only to hopefuly be useful later .. For someone to need me .. Someone to truely appreciate my existance and use me to better their lives and make them smile the way I hopefully can share a smile and not fake it anymore ... Till then
I'm twisted and unanswered still trying to figure out my objective ...
I .. I'm just an emotional wreck and im keeping this here for self reminder cause I always stealth my way to this website and look to this page so for when I do go here I remember why I try to stay sane .
A monster that I am .. Spawned from the mother and father that burned their ways into my head ... do I slowly crumble to their level and wonder why my existence suffers ... I try to please and do the best I can for acceptance when all others see me as a traitor or one sided or use people as toys for a game when really I was the pawn in their game all along where I wasn't needed .. I was not the bishop to check the king or protect the queen . I was meant to be put along and see where te weakness will lie ..Hostility grows and as I suffer from the loathing of it does my self pity grow and depression deepen even more . People wonder why I am depressed .. It's cause I see and reflect and remember and never forget .. I never forget the pain .. I never forget the smiles either ... The smiles I could feel through the stern faces and how I could feel some warmth through the cold exterior I been forced to put up behind such a false smile . That it be I don't even know myself .. Wether I am truly happy or sad is in question .. Maybe when I can finally cry .... Or when I need to force my smile away will i be able to tell the difference between the two , but till then confusion and bile fill me .. Day by day wondering what twisted creation that I am ... Why was i created ... For a man to leave his creation for nothing and to let it rot like the pawn he is .. And for the queen to abandon her kingdom ... Forcing the enemy to surround me ... Watch the one who served under them ...
Mother .. Father ... I no longer serve you ... You can at least tell me ... Did you at least use me to your liking ... I failed you both ...
I failed everyone ..
I'm still failing ...
But I'm trying hard not to .. Only to hopefuly be useful later .. For someone to need me .. Someone to truely appreciate my existance and use me to better their lives and make them smile the way I hopefully can share a smile and not fake it anymore ... Till then
I'm twisted and unanswered still trying to figure out my objective ...
That moment when
Posted 11 years agoYou suddenly go into the scary part of youtube and want something to help wash away the fear but more YouTube videos just remind you of what you watched previously and you can't sleep now cause of it ...
God dammit ... Silverfox cute art isn't even helping T.T
God dammit ... Silverfox cute art isn't even helping T.T
Hey you freaks <3
Posted 11 years agoCause I hate normal so much lol
I just wish "normal " was something that didn't suck ass XD
but as I was originally gonna say ...
Merry Christmas ! Or happy hanakauh or quanza? I don't know I only celebrated one holiday this time of the year next to years but YA wanted to wish yall merry Christmas
Also hey I'm not dead ?! What a surprise!
The historians should dig up this lizarda dusty body and let it free cause she ain't dead yet !
I just wish "normal " was something that didn't suck ass XD
but as I was originally gonna say ...
Merry Christmas ! Or happy hanakauh or quanza? I don't know I only celebrated one holiday this time of the year next to years but YA wanted to wish yall merry Christmas
Also hey I'm not dead ?! What a surprise!
The historians should dig up this lizarda dusty body and let it free cause she ain't dead yet !
