So I think im coming up to the time in my life when I need to stop and look at my life again, and think about where it is i am heading again. this is the frist time in a while that i start to requestion myself and all that i have done in the past year and wounder: "am i truely happy? is this where i want to be?if not, why do i stay? and if i can fix it how and where do i go from here?" i really need to look at the big picture and ask all the questions and do wat is right for me not others but me. i know i have hurt many in the past year and that i might hurt more this year but i have seen that it is all i have been doing for a long time, and i know its b/c im hurting and unhappy with things in my life. and i need to stop it and grow up some and really look deep inside for wat my heart, soul and life need. and i know no one will really read this and give a damn for wat it is i have to so b/c for in the end i know that its just me out here in this world and that i have done nothing but push and throw everyone away.and for this im sorry i dont know of wat i do but i know in my mind its all my doing and that no one should have someone like me in their lives messing them up just b/c im unhappy. i know how bad this sounds but im not going to try or kill myself its just me trying to step back and look at my life. so if anyone is out there please talk to me and help me see me for me and maybe just maybe i can learn to start over

So i have been paying and fine toneing my sona some and im going to be getting a refsheet



Type: Abyssinian Cat / Artic Wolf / Red Fox
Size: 5'0"
Wight: 175 lbs
Color / Pattern: Two-toned with short undercoat that's Carnation Pink, and my outer coat this is Snow White, and witht the black ring on the end of the tail
Eyes: Cat eyes that are Cyan Blue
Tail: normal cat tail but fluffier b/c of the wolf and longer about 5 1/2 feet long
Hair: yes on my head i have Raven Black hair with crimson bangs fraiming my face
Markings: the sign on my back between my shoulder blades, the heart on my right butt cheek, and the north star on my chest all of them are black
Body: mostly feline build, paws are slightly bigger like the cross between the wolf and cat, fluffy like the wolf fur, muzzle more wolf like but not as long and more narrow like fox

Well i did lose my job around feb., so i was jobless for a while but with time I was able to find a new one. I am now working at Walmart, still going though my depression but hay its apart of life and we just need to keep going. I do now have new problems with my health i cant say just yet till i know more about wat im dealing with but it may or may not be a really big problem.

strangly enough my depression has come back to me, i both hate and love the way it feels now a days...and sadly its the kind that cant really just be fixed over night my dreams haunt me with my memories of him *sigh* and the more i keep going on the harder it is for me to keep my heart from hurting it feels like no matter how hard i try its all in vain. i want him be i have to wait and see this fucking place with so many and all of there happiness...and its getting to me how i cant have mine i mean whats the point is trying if all i get is shit it just keeps getting harder and harder i'm not sure how much more or how much more i can take...

Type: Abyssinian Cat / Artic Wolf
Size: 5'0"
Wight: 175 lbs
Color / Pattern: Two-toned with short undercoat that's Carnation Pink, and my outer coat this is Snow White
Eyes: Cat eyes that are Cyan Blue
Tail: normal cat tail but fluffier b/c of the wolf
Hair: yes on my head i have Raven Black hair
Markings: the sign on my back between my shoulder blades, the heart on my right butt cheek, and the north star on my chest all of them are black
Body: mostly feline build, paws are slightly bigger like the cross between the wolf and cat, fluffy like the wolf fur, muzzle more wolf like but not as long

seems after 21 years of life together my family is braking up...mom and dad are calling it quites. saddly i seen this coming but its taken longer then i though it would to happen. in a way i have great conflicting emotions about all this now, and i know that families spiltting up is never eazy at any age. but i hope for everyone that this time un like all the other times they keep to it...and no im not being a dick about it but they just cant mix well together any more. i just hope they have seen this as i have for many years and just part. as for me, well i want to move again but if my mother leaves and stays away from my step father i will move with her and help her out, and i will be forced to tell her some of the things ive been holding back to her...things she knows nothing about me. and let her know i will move out from her so i can be with the man i love....

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:31578332
go here free art!!!!!!!! Hurry wat u waiting fur....

feels the cold chill even in the warmest room, lays in the dark alone sleeping restlessly, hopeing ill wake up from this nightmare and be laying in the bed with him holding me closely, while hes holding and petting me telling me everythings ok, its just a dream....but i know that when i open my eyes when the sun rises...he wont be there...all thats there is the cold dark embaress of the darkness, i hold onto his image being with me and the small glimmer of hope and truth that one day he will here with me and when i wake up he will be there

At this time hear and now i would like to offer a though and prayer for the people who were part of the Batman Theater Shooting here in Aurora, CO.
This took place roughly about 10-15 miles from my new home...a furend of mine was there, luck for him he wasnt hurt but at the the same time saddness comes into play...for on that early morning 12 people lost their lives and the 71 people that were hurt and in the hospital fighting for their lives. I dont ask for much or even as most would say money...all i ask of all of us is to pray for the families, friends and vicitems of this act of senceless death.

Thank you,

AmayaKyoshi

ok so last nite my blood mother and step father were trying to think of ways to make money off the fandom. I told them about how im going to con here where i live and theny are thinking of making a monthly party....i have no problem with this, but the one things is they are going to charge like 20 bucks a person, and like 5 bucks for a soda, 10 to 15 bucks a for anyother kind of drink....then when i told them that house parties are kinda better b/c they are close and allow us to be closer and that most of the furs ive meet and have are gay it all just came to a crashing halt......kinda dumb....

Well its my birthday and im depressed....my mate is far away and i cant perform for my Master...im so fucking useless....for me i tried to have a good birthday but its always the same.....sad, alone, depressed, drunk, pissed off....fuck why try any more....

sigh well last nite was the "Super Moon" and the storm from my heat, was alone and so on edge i could have hurt anyone that crossed my path the wrong way. i can tell this summer is going to be fun with my heats this year....and last nite...or this morning better, i was made an offer idk if i should take.*pounders the offer* hmmm should i stay true to master and my mate or not...can i handle the wait to be with someone......*growls holding head thinks about it to hard*...........

well im happy this morning....
dispit all the crap happening to me and everyone i know and love im happy....im happy b/c ive got a real pack family now. i have a papa Anubis, ive a got me a sister Hazy and my master JJ Foz, and as always my mate Blacktalon....we make a crazy family but hay im happy and loved by each of them....wat more could i ask for...other then a new den...money....new job....oh well im happy ^^

well the den hunting is under way but its getting harder now that hours have been cut, car still being durp, and money is short....but none the less it needs to happen. just hopeing and preying that soon this short houred weeks will stop and i can get back to saving and that my step papa gets my car in working order and that im able to find a good den for me and my small pack to live in.....and hopefully any other job too....but time will tell.

Hi it's the wolf cat. Just thought I would give an update on who I am and of what it is I'm up too these days.

Well not much is really changed still living at home, I'm still mateless but luckly have a master and a sister pet. Many things change yet stay the same, I'm getting to know more of the locals around town makin some new friends. Right now I'm just gonna work for trying to move out right now and maybe get a new job maybe a new car. just hoping I could move out soon with master and sister pet just gotta take each day 1 step at a time I guess right? Maybe hopefully pull myself out of this little rut of depression. Only time will tell....