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I'm back....I think.
Posted 2 months agoHey, it’s been a long time. I know I disappeared suddenly and completely, and I never explained why. For over 11 years now, I’ve carried the weight of just going silent, and I know that choice probably hurt or confused people who cared about me. I want to be honest about why it happened, what’s been going on, and where I’m at now.
The truth is, I wasn’t in a good place back then. Something very personal broke me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and I shut down. I thought if I just vanished, it would protect me from more pain. What it really did was leave a hole — in my life and in the connections I abandoned. I don’t say this to excuse it, but to admit it: I was too hurt to explain, so I chose silence.
Since then, I’ve been living quietly. I’ve been working at McDonald’s for 7 years. Life has been routine, but not meaningless. In my own way, I’ve been surviving. And recently, something unexpected happened: I started writing a My Little Pony movie project. At first it was just an outlet — songs, scripts, storyboards. But it’s grown into something bigger. The movie has become a place where I can pour my traumas, my grief, my questions about love, betrayal, family, and healing. Through the characters, I’ve been able to face things I couldn’t talk about directly. It’s been like ripping off old bandages I’d left on for too long, letting the wounds finally breathe so they can start to heal in a healthier way.
I won’t lie — I’m still very hurt by what caused me to disappear. That part of my story doesn’t just vanish with time. But for the first time in years, I’m beginning to come to terms with it. Not by pretending it never happened, but by acknowledging it and finding ways to process it through creativity.
I’ve also thought a lot about the ABDL side of myself. That part of me still exists, and I won’t deny it. Do I want to dive headfirst into that world again? Yes. Am I ready to? No. Not yet. For now, I’m focusing on healing, on finding balance, and on learning how to connect with people again without fear or shame.
I don’t know how this message will be received. If reconnecting isn’t something you want, I’ll accept that. But if you are open to it, I’d like to at least say hello again, share where I’m at now, and maybe — slowly and carefully — rebuild some sense of connection.
Even if nothing comes from this, I didn’t want to stay silent anymore. I wanted you to know that I didn’t disappear because I stopped caring. I disappeared because I was broken. And I’m finally trying to live again.
The truth is, I wasn’t in a good place back then. Something very personal broke me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and I shut down. I thought if I just vanished, it would protect me from more pain. What it really did was leave a hole — in my life and in the connections I abandoned. I don’t say this to excuse it, but to admit it: I was too hurt to explain, so I chose silence.
Since then, I’ve been living quietly. I’ve been working at McDonald’s for 7 years. Life has been routine, but not meaningless. In my own way, I’ve been surviving. And recently, something unexpected happened: I started writing a My Little Pony movie project. At first it was just an outlet — songs, scripts, storyboards. But it’s grown into something bigger. The movie has become a place where I can pour my traumas, my grief, my questions about love, betrayal, family, and healing. Through the characters, I’ve been able to face things I couldn’t talk about directly. It’s been like ripping off old bandages I’d left on for too long, letting the wounds finally breathe so they can start to heal in a healthier way.
I won’t lie — I’m still very hurt by what caused me to disappear. That part of my story doesn’t just vanish with time. But for the first time in years, I’m beginning to come to terms with it. Not by pretending it never happened, but by acknowledging it and finding ways to process it through creativity.
I’ve also thought a lot about the ABDL side of myself. That part of me still exists, and I won’t deny it. Do I want to dive headfirst into that world again? Yes. Am I ready to? No. Not yet. For now, I’m focusing on healing, on finding balance, and on learning how to connect with people again without fear or shame.
I don’t know how this message will be received. If reconnecting isn’t something you want, I’ll accept that. But if you are open to it, I’d like to at least say hello again, share where I’m at now, and maybe — slowly and carefully — rebuild some sense of connection.
Even if nothing comes from this, I didn’t want to stay silent anymore. I wanted you to know that I didn’t disappear because I stopped caring. I disappeared because I was broken. And I’m finally trying to live again.
Been lost in my darkness
Posted 5 years agoI'm not going to say much here, just that I've been away for quite some time now (like 4 years-ish).
Not because of anything any of you wonderful individuals did or didn't do, but because I just fell so deep into depression it turned into great fear of everyone and hatred of myself.
I'm not saying everything is all hunky-dorie, sunshine, and lollipops for me, I still do have "issues" (both real and imagined), but I at least feel ok enough I guess to reappear in this place.
Not because of anything any of you wonderful individuals did or didn't do, but because I just fell so deep into depression it turned into great fear of everyone and hatred of myself.
I'm not saying everything is all hunky-dorie, sunshine, and lollipops for me, I still do have "issues" (both real and imagined), but I at least feel ok enough I guess to reappear in this place.
Today is a no good, very bad, horrible day.
Posted 9 years agoToday is the day my mothers life was ruined.
Today is the day my brother and sister lost the chance to have good lives.
Today is the day the people I would meet had their lives darkend by the sight of me.
Today is the day the people who I have cared for would be let down by the failure I would become.
Yes, today is a horrible, no good, very bad day . . . Because today is the day I was born and so many peoples lives were hurt.
Today is the day my brother and sister lost the chance to have good lives.
Today is the day the people I would meet had their lives darkend by the sight of me.
Today is the day the people who I have cared for would be let down by the failure I would become.
Yes, today is a horrible, no good, very bad day . . . Because today is the day I was born and so many peoples lives were hurt.
My smoking cessation (quitting) journey.
Posted 9 years agoIt has been about 36 hours since I last smoked, where are those withdraw symptoms I have heard about? I am not sure if I feel anything different physically, emotionally, or psychologically then I usually feel. I have heartburn, depression, a minor tremble of my hands, and the thoughts of smoking, but those things are daily occurrences for me when I was smoking, nothing else yet as far as the nicotine withdraw symptoms I have read about.
Two main things are helping me quit smoking, firstly no money to purchase cigarettes, and secondly the complete isolation from humanity (not entirely desired, but effective nonetheless.) Will update this journal in 24 hours.
Two main things are helping me quit smoking, firstly no money to purchase cigarettes, and secondly the complete isolation from humanity (not entirely desired, but effective nonetheless.) Will update this journal in 24 hours.
*squeal* Mario maker on YouTube
Posted 9 years agoOne of my Super Mario Maker levels was played on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ydu.....Tbg&t=960s
My level starts at (15:58)
There were 63 submissions total for his contest, so 28th place isn't that bad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ydu.....Tbg&t=960s
My level starts at (15:58)
There were 63 submissions total for his contest, so 28th place isn't that bad.
my dreams are no longer a safe haven from feeling alone.
Posted 9 years agoFor the past couple months I have been having the same nightmare and it is really starting to get to me. I remember the sequences in it as they happen, the people and/or characters in it. I will try to share them as I remember it. I will write it as a script or song (the nightmare is like a music video when I dream it.)
I will use { } to show people in it, I will use [ ] to show scene or action happening. The song that plays is "not your kind of people" by garbage https://youtu.be/KckCsw_JyJI
{Ryan Sharp/sterling pinion}
[He is a pony ala MLP: FIM as am I the filly I used Amethyst Apple. He is standing above me with a cruel grin on his muzzle.]
We are not your kind of people, you seem kind of phoney, everything's a lie.
{Darlene Baker, my now deceased mother}
[She is 26 and I am 8, she is sitting on a couch smoking pot with friends and laughing at me as I sit rubbing my very sore violated bottom.]
We are not your kind of people, something in your makeup don't see eye to eye.
{Friends and fellow pony fans who I used to speak to on Skype most of which were teenagers at the time.}
[The friends and I are in a video chat on Skype, we are ponies]
We are not your kind of people, don't want to be like you ever in our lives.
{Various kids I knew in elementary and jr high school}
[I am a little boy and they are in a circle around me, pushing me around and hitting me.]
We are not your kind of people, we fight when you start talking, there's nothing but white noise.
[I am 10 and am punched by my drunk stepfather in the nose and then pushed into a dark closet alone and I hear all of the people mentioned above laughing and having fun as I furiously bang on the door with my 10 year old fists crying the "ahhh's"]
Ahhh....ahhh....ahhh....ahhh....
[I break open the door and I see myself as different ages ranging from 8 to an adult walking around trying to talk to people I knew or know, but they completely ignore the various versions of me.]
Running around trying to fit in, wanting to be loved, it doesn't take much for someone to shut you down.
[The scene shifts to me as a 15 year old, I am walking down a snowy Street alone with a look of anger on my face.]
When you build a shell, build an army in your mind,
[I now see some very kind people trying to hug and comfort me and be with me, but I try to quickly get away from them]
You can't sit still, and you don't like hanging round the crowd, they don't understand.
{Thelma Baker, my long dead grandmother}
[She is an angel and an old lady with a very loving smile. She is sitting on my bed stroking my adult hair as I sing in my sleep.]
You dropped by as I was sleeping, you came to see the whole commotion.
[I then wake up and sit up quickly, but am alone.]
And when I woke up I started laughing, the jokes on me for not believing.
{The entire cast of people I mentioned so far.}
[All of the people in the dream are in rows on each side of me singing as a 8 year old me walks down a path wearing only Jammie bottoms. My body has many bruises on it, a big burn scar on my shoulder, my nose looks as if it had been punched, my hair is messed up. I am crying uncontrollably filled with abject fear and terror as I walk slowly towards a huge towering pyre that surrounds the gallows.]
We are not your kind of people, speak a different language, we see through your lies.
[I climb the gallows and stand as the adult hate filled me puts a noose around my 8 year old self's neck as everyone sings,]
We are not your kind of people, won't be cast as demons, creatures you despise.
[ The lever is pulled, the floor drops out from under me and I start to hang. That is when I wake up from the nightmare.]
I will use { } to show people in it, I will use [ ] to show scene or action happening. The song that plays is "not your kind of people" by garbage https://youtu.be/KckCsw_JyJI
{Ryan Sharp/sterling pinion}
[He is a pony ala MLP: FIM as am I the filly I used Amethyst Apple. He is standing above me with a cruel grin on his muzzle.]
We are not your kind of people, you seem kind of phoney, everything's a lie.
{Darlene Baker, my now deceased mother}
[She is 26 and I am 8, she is sitting on a couch smoking pot with friends and laughing at me as I sit rubbing my very sore violated bottom.]
We are not your kind of people, something in your makeup don't see eye to eye.
{Friends and fellow pony fans who I used to speak to on Skype most of which were teenagers at the time.}
[The friends and I are in a video chat on Skype, we are ponies]
We are not your kind of people, don't want to be like you ever in our lives.
{Various kids I knew in elementary and jr high school}
[I am a little boy and they are in a circle around me, pushing me around and hitting me.]
We are not your kind of people, we fight when you start talking, there's nothing but white noise.
[I am 10 and am punched by my drunk stepfather in the nose and then pushed into a dark closet alone and I hear all of the people mentioned above laughing and having fun as I furiously bang on the door with my 10 year old fists crying the "ahhh's"]
Ahhh....ahhh....ahhh....ahhh....
[I break open the door and I see myself as different ages ranging from 8 to an adult walking around trying to talk to people I knew or know, but they completely ignore the various versions of me.]
Running around trying to fit in, wanting to be loved, it doesn't take much for someone to shut you down.
[The scene shifts to me as a 15 year old, I am walking down a snowy Street alone with a look of anger on my face.]
When you build a shell, build an army in your mind,
[I now see some very kind people trying to hug and comfort me and be with me, but I try to quickly get away from them]
You can't sit still, and you don't like hanging round the crowd, they don't understand.
{Thelma Baker, my long dead grandmother}
[She is an angel and an old lady with a very loving smile. She is sitting on my bed stroking my adult hair as I sing in my sleep.]
You dropped by as I was sleeping, you came to see the whole commotion.
[I then wake up and sit up quickly, but am alone.]
And when I woke up I started laughing, the jokes on me for not believing.
{The entire cast of people I mentioned so far.}
[All of the people in the dream are in rows on each side of me singing as a 8 year old me walks down a path wearing only Jammie bottoms. My body has many bruises on it, a big burn scar on my shoulder, my nose looks as if it had been punched, my hair is messed up. I am crying uncontrollably filled with abject fear and terror as I walk slowly towards a huge towering pyre that surrounds the gallows.]
We are not your kind of people, speak a different language, we see through your lies.
[I climb the gallows and stand as the adult hate filled me puts a noose around my 8 year old self's neck as everyone sings,]
We are not your kind of people, won't be cast as demons, creatures you despise.
[ The lever is pulled, the floor drops out from under me and I start to hang. That is when I wake up from the nightmare.]
All I want for Christmas:(
Posted 9 years agoI am not sure if this is the final time I will correspond with all of you, but it is possible. I really am not sure what I want to say in this writing other then two things.
Firstly, I am grateful to those (less then 1% of those who claimed to be friends, four persons out of a few hundred to be exact, but more on that to come) who were with me as I dealt with the loss of my mother, then my homelessness, and other things. The few who made me feel so happy inside even though my outside was falling apart. To those few, I thank you and will always love you so much.
I am not a mean, bad, evil, cruel, or selfish person. I would do anything to help another who is in trouble, even if helping that other person would bring some sort of harm to me, my social standing, or my own well being. I would attempt to help another without judgement of them or their "sins." Sure it would depend on what they need help with and/or what they do in their lives that would determine the help I would provide.
Yes I no doubt have many faults and shortcomings far to many to list here, but a few are. I smoke cigarettes, I swear, I have anger management and expression issues, to say my personal hygiene is at times lacking would be an understatement, I have ADHD, and 100% suffer from not only normal depression, but suicidal depression.
And secondly, even with those things I do and live with daily I do not deserve to be isolated and dealt with as little contact as possible, as if touching me or my life would in some way sulley your oh so precious and over inflated ego. As if being seen with me in public would make your idiotic simple minded friends think less of you in some way. Heaven forbid you actually interact with me in the real world for more then a few fleeting moments, no doubt anything longer than a few minutes would make you stink like you hadn't showered in years, no doubt my presence would sap your intelligence to the point that you would be just as much a moron as I am, poor ... poor ... you.
Is that why I have been rejected and shunned by humanity for my thirty-eight years of life, is it me, am I the one who is to blame for my social, physical, emotional, and psychological isolation? Did I justly earn the gift of being beat to the point that my body was covered in bruises and at times I would be unable to sit from being spanked from the age of four to fourteen. Certainly without a doubt I deserved to be raped when I was eight by a so called man of God, a deacon in my families church, I was a very, very, very special child in gods eyes it seems. Of coarse every fellow student in the schools I went to from Kindergarten to eleventh grade had every logical and plainly obvious reason to reject, harass, belittle, tease, beat up, and make me feel like a nobody. You would think stupid kids grow up and mature into adulthood and act in a civil manner towards others, but no they do not. As adults cruelty only expands, but now they or you can mean to break the heart, spirit, pride, and mind of someone whose only crime in life is being different.
No, I am not to blame for the horrors I have lived through, it is humanity that is to blame, it is the reflection seen in the mirror that is to blame for the cruel things that are done and said to people both in the darkness of night and the light of day.
I now know what I want for Christmas ...
One gun ... one bullet ... one well deserved eternal sleep......
Firstly, I am grateful to those (less then 1% of those who claimed to be friends, four persons out of a few hundred to be exact, but more on that to come) who were with me as I dealt with the loss of my mother, then my homelessness, and other things. The few who made me feel so happy inside even though my outside was falling apart. To those few, I thank you and will always love you so much.
I am not a mean, bad, evil, cruel, or selfish person. I would do anything to help another who is in trouble, even if helping that other person would bring some sort of harm to me, my social standing, or my own well being. I would attempt to help another without judgement of them or their "sins." Sure it would depend on what they need help with and/or what they do in their lives that would determine the help I would provide.
Yes I no doubt have many faults and shortcomings far to many to list here, but a few are. I smoke cigarettes, I swear, I have anger management and expression issues, to say my personal hygiene is at times lacking would be an understatement, I have ADHD, and 100% suffer from not only normal depression, but suicidal depression.
And secondly, even with those things I do and live with daily I do not deserve to be isolated and dealt with as little contact as possible, as if touching me or my life would in some way sulley your oh so precious and over inflated ego. As if being seen with me in public would make your idiotic simple minded friends think less of you in some way. Heaven forbid you actually interact with me in the real world for more then a few fleeting moments, no doubt anything longer than a few minutes would make you stink like you hadn't showered in years, no doubt my presence would sap your intelligence to the point that you would be just as much a moron as I am, poor ... poor ... you.
Is that why I have been rejected and shunned by humanity for my thirty-eight years of life, is it me, am I the one who is to blame for my social, physical, emotional, and psychological isolation? Did I justly earn the gift of being beat to the point that my body was covered in bruises and at times I would be unable to sit from being spanked from the age of four to fourteen. Certainly without a doubt I deserved to be raped when I was eight by a so called man of God, a deacon in my families church, I was a very, very, very special child in gods eyes it seems. Of coarse every fellow student in the schools I went to from Kindergarten to eleventh grade had every logical and plainly obvious reason to reject, harass, belittle, tease, beat up, and make me feel like a nobody. You would think stupid kids grow up and mature into adulthood and act in a civil manner towards others, but no they do not. As adults cruelty only expands, but now they or you can mean to break the heart, spirit, pride, and mind of someone whose only crime in life is being different.
No, I am not to blame for the horrors I have lived through, it is humanity that is to blame, it is the reflection seen in the mirror that is to blame for the cruel things that are done and said to people both in the darkness of night and the light of day.
I now know what I want for Christmas ...
One gun ... one bullet ... one well deserved eternal sleep......
Roomates needed A.S.A.P
Posted 9 years agoThe three people I live with (all of them are meanies) are moving to Utah on May 1st. I need 3 (maybe 4) roomates to split rent and bills and such (not only would it help me financially, but it would help those who move in here greatly as well.)
The apartment is in Richmond, KY. The monthly rent is $600-$700 a month, so the more that are here the cheaper the rent per person will be. You may if you desire get some sort of cable/satellite TV service. I take care of the electric bill every month.
It would be awesome if I found other ABDL. Littles, or "bigs" to fill the slots open in this 3 bedroom apartment (one bedroom is mine and it is small, so having a roomie in my room while not impossible, would be difficult due to space and stuff. But there are 2 other rooms, 1 bedroom is huge (would hold 2, maybe 3 people) and another room is small like mine is.
The apartment complex I live in has free WiFi (it is slow, usually around 1-3MBPS), an on-site laundromat and on-site maintenance. I have Netflix, Hulu Plus commercial free, Funimation streaming services that I would share and not charge for others to use. I could be a Mommy/Daddy for a little/s, or even a little for any Mommy or Daddy that would like a little.
The only conditions I have are
1. Whomever applies or wishes to move in -MUST HAVE AN INCOME-, be it SSDI, SSI, Trust fund, or something else or must get a job ASAP to contribute to the rent and other bills, I work at Wal-Mart and I only make about 1,100 a month, so taking financial care of another is sadly not a possibility for me.
2. No felons
3, No illegal drug use
4. No one on a sex offender registry.
5. While I do not drink alcohol (not religious, an alcoholic or anything) I just prefer not to, but if you wanted to drink beer or something it is cool as long as you are 21 or older.
6. If you wish to smoke cigarettes you may.
7. You must clean up after yourself when possible or outside of the above mentioned ABDL playtime.
Please -ONLY- serious inquires only. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask me anything and i will answer your questions.
The apartment is in Richmond, KY. The monthly rent is $600-$700 a month, so the more that are here the cheaper the rent per person will be. You may if you desire get some sort of cable/satellite TV service. I take care of the electric bill every month.
It would be awesome if I found other ABDL. Littles, or "bigs" to fill the slots open in this 3 bedroom apartment (one bedroom is mine and it is small, so having a roomie in my room while not impossible, would be difficult due to space and stuff. But there are 2 other rooms, 1 bedroom is huge (would hold 2, maybe 3 people) and another room is small like mine is.
The apartment complex I live in has free WiFi (it is slow, usually around 1-3MBPS), an on-site laundromat and on-site maintenance. I have Netflix, Hulu Plus commercial free, Funimation streaming services that I would share and not charge for others to use. I could be a Mommy/Daddy for a little/s, or even a little for any Mommy or Daddy that would like a little.
The only conditions I have are
1. Whomever applies or wishes to move in -MUST HAVE AN INCOME-, be it SSDI, SSI, Trust fund, or something else or must get a job ASAP to contribute to the rent and other bills, I work at Wal-Mart and I only make about 1,100 a month, so taking financial care of another is sadly not a possibility for me.
2. No felons
3, No illegal drug use
4. No one on a sex offender registry.
5. While I do not drink alcohol (not religious, an alcoholic or anything) I just prefer not to, but if you wanted to drink beer or something it is cool as long as you are 21 or older.
6. If you wish to smoke cigarettes you may.
7. You must clean up after yourself when possible or outside of the above mentioned ABDL playtime.
Please -ONLY- serious inquires only. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask me anything and i will answer your questions.
I am so alone inside
Posted 9 years agoI have no idea how well I will do at work tonight, due to the fact that I have gotten 2 hours sleep in the past 36 hours,. Why did I get so little sleep you may ask? Well it is all thanks to the inconsiderate assholes in this apartment, my mother, my roommates Juliann Emilio, and dale Clem, my sister Pamela Baker and her 4 daughters, who by the way have never met me, yet they see me as a dangerous monster and have a term for me that I won't state due to the fact that once it is said about a person, you have no choice but to assume it is a true statement.
I am in so much pain inside my heart (the emotional heart, not the physical one.) As I laid in my bed trying to sleep for the past 2 hours, instead of dreaming sweet dreams of ponies, me being the woman I am supposed to be, being with those i love and see as my little ones or dreaming of a time long ago when my family loved me. I cried silently into one of my pony plushies. Instead of dreams of those wonderful things mentioned above, I could only think of a box cutter, lighter fluid, a large bottle of sleeping pills, or a rope.
I am in so much pain inside my heart (the emotional heart, not the physical one.) As I laid in my bed trying to sleep for the past 2 hours, instead of dreaming sweet dreams of ponies, me being the woman I am supposed to be, being with those i love and see as my little ones or dreaming of a time long ago when my family loved me. I cried silently into one of my pony plushies. Instead of dreams of those wonderful things mentioned above, I could only think of a box cutter, lighter fluid, a large bottle of sleeping pills, or a rope.
Things must change in America.
Posted 10 years agoHow many of the innocent must be hurt or worse before we in the USA, namely the U.S. Government declares war on those despicable homegrown terrorists, just as we have done to those "groups" who are in middle-eastern countries.
Maybe calling yourself "American" allows you to spread terror and fear to those in society with no fear of reprisal or punishment. All I know is if the shootings that happened in "Sandy Hook", "Fort Hood", "Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado Springs, Colo", "Roseburg, Ore. shooting", "shooting up of a black church in Charleston, S.C.", "Washington navy yard in Washington D.C." and Aurora, Colo."
If those who did those terrible things were unable to do such things (repeal and rewrite the 2nd amendment) and if they (we, those in the USA) knew that doing such evil things would get you a one way all expenses paid vacation to "Club Gitmo." (Guantanamo bay, Cuba) and a lifetime of the same things that happened to those who knew of or took part in the attacks on September 11, 2001, perhaps so many families would have their innocent loved ones with them today.
Maybe calling yourself "American" allows you to spread terror and fear to those in society with no fear of reprisal or punishment. All I know is if the shootings that happened in "Sandy Hook", "Fort Hood", "Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado Springs, Colo", "Roseburg, Ore. shooting", "shooting up of a black church in Charleston, S.C.", "Washington navy yard in Washington D.C." and Aurora, Colo."
If those who did those terrible things were unable to do such things (repeal and rewrite the 2nd amendment) and if they (we, those in the USA) knew that doing such evil things would get you a one way all expenses paid vacation to "Club Gitmo." (Guantanamo bay, Cuba) and a lifetime of the same things that happened to those who knew of or took part in the attacks on September 11, 2001, perhaps so many families would have their innocent loved ones with them today.
It was my birthday :(
Posted 10 years agoIt was my birthday yesterday, I turned 38.
It was my birthday yesterday, and to dozens and dozens of "friends" it was just another normal ho-hum and plain day, nothing special happend.
It was my birthday yesterday, and to my family, those who falsely profess and claim to love me unconditionally, it was just another ho-hum normal day.
It was my birthday yesterday, and only those imaginary friends, my ponies and AB family of mine, even remembered that I was even born.
It was my birthday yesterday, and even if you desire to wish me a happy birthday now. save your breath and your, false, deceptive, conceited, disingenuous, fallacious, pretentious and self-serving caring. Being reminded of something so special that happens in a persons life, such as a birthday or anniversary does not take away the undisputed fact that you forgot and had to be reminded.
It was my birthday yesterday, and the way my heart feels, the pain that resides, lives and consumes it now inspires me to make sure my 38th birthday shall be my last.
It was my birthday yesterday, and to dozens and dozens of "friends" it was just another normal ho-hum and plain day, nothing special happend.
It was my birthday yesterday, and to my family, those who falsely profess and claim to love me unconditionally, it was just another ho-hum normal day.
It was my birthday yesterday, and only those imaginary friends, my ponies and AB family of mine, even remembered that I was even born.
It was my birthday yesterday, and even if you desire to wish me a happy birthday now. save your breath and your, false, deceptive, conceited, disingenuous, fallacious, pretentious and self-serving caring. Being reminded of something so special that happens in a persons life, such as a birthday or anniversary does not take away the undisputed fact that you forgot and had to be reminded.
It was my birthday yesterday, and the way my heart feels, the pain that resides, lives and consumes it now inspires me to make sure my 38th birthday shall be my last.
R,I,P Alan Rickman
Posted 10 years agoAlan Rickman died today at the age of 69 from cancer. ;(
What is the point?
Posted 10 years agoI am a good friend, until you find a better friend then I.
I am a good "more then a friend", until you meet someone better then I
I am a good AB little one, until you find someone better then I.
I am a good AB parent, until you find a better parent then I.
What is the point of trying anymore, if there will always be someone better then me?
I am a good "more then a friend", until you meet someone better then I
I am a good AB little one, until you find someone better then I.
I am a good AB parent, until you find a better parent then I.
What is the point of trying anymore, if there will always be someone better then me?
R.I.P Dusty Rhodes 1945-2015
Posted 10 years ago:( :( :(
I think I am a chameleon and it hurts so much.
Posted 10 years ago(when I say "mommy" in this, i am referring to myself giggle) (I am transgender M-F, pre HRT meds) This is from a chat I had with someone a few minutes ago. I would retype it for here, but it would take forever and I have to go to work in less then an hour
I knows to find someone and be with them in a loving long term relationship thing (that would include an AB relationship as well) (either straight or gay), the person you are with wants to be with the real you, who you are inside, but mommy starting to think that I has no chance to find someone because I think I am a chameleon.
By that (a chameleon) I mean that I do not think I have a real personality anymore. all my life mommy has been able to alter, adapt, change and present the person who mommy thinks they want to see or needs to see so mommy can survive when she was homeless, that mommy can try to protect herself from being hurt, so that mommy can try to fit in with those around her to the point that most just look past mommy as invisible or just like everyone else and not notice her so they don't tease or hurt mommy.
This next part refers to the AB relationship i had with someone called sterling (I was his little sissy little one and he was momma.)
when sterling abandoned me as his little one and said he didn't want me anymore in the last time we talked, he said that he felt throughout the momma/little one relationship we had, that I was very "resourceful" and meaning he thought that it was I who was deceiving him when I would think of the perfect thing to say or do so that he would not leave me sooner.
I knows to find someone and be with them in a loving long term relationship thing (that would include an AB relationship as well) (either straight or gay), the person you are with wants to be with the real you, who you are inside, but mommy starting to think that I has no chance to find someone because I think I am a chameleon.
By that (a chameleon) I mean that I do not think I have a real personality anymore. all my life mommy has been able to alter, adapt, change and present the person who mommy thinks they want to see or needs to see so mommy can survive when she was homeless, that mommy can try to protect herself from being hurt, so that mommy can try to fit in with those around her to the point that most just look past mommy as invisible or just like everyone else and not notice her so they don't tease or hurt mommy.
This next part refers to the AB relationship i had with someone called sterling (I was his little sissy little one and he was momma.)
when sterling abandoned me as his little one and said he didn't want me anymore in the last time we talked, he said that he felt throughout the momma/little one relationship we had, that I was very "resourceful" and meaning he thought that it was I who was deceiving him when I would think of the perfect thing to say or do so that he would not leave me sooner.
What is your Furrsona/Ponysona theme song *giggle*
Posted 10 years agoI am totally in love with this song, it is so awesome. i have decided to make it my furrsonas "Applerose Grace" theme song.
One week from today I will choose the best furrsona/ponysona theme presented by all of you, of coarse my theme is disqualified from consideration.*giggle*
So please post a link to your theme song and please only one submission per FA account, thankies so furry much. *huggles*
"Rise" by David Guetta feat Skylar Grey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBkAFCiYytY
One week from today I will choose the best furrsona/ponysona theme presented by all of you, of coarse my theme is disqualified from consideration.*giggle*
So please post a link to your theme song and please only one submission per FA account, thankies so furry much. *huggles*
"Rise" by David Guetta feat Skylar Grey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBkAFCiYytY
Free Fox adopts
Posted 10 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/160...../#cid:94295711
Please go here if you want a super cute and cuddly free fox to adopt for your very own *giggle*
Please go here if you want a super cute and cuddly free fox to adopt for your very own *giggle*
Last night at work during my meal break.
Posted 10 years agoLast night while cleaning I found a very thick shoelace while sweeping the floor with a dust-mop. I put it into my pocket and didn't really think about it till it was time for my lunch hour.
On my lunch I went into the maintenance storage room, the lights were off, so i went to the corner of the room, sat down and wrapped the shoelace around both of my hands for a good grip. After i had it on both of my hands i used it to tightly wrap it around my neck and I started to pull as tight as I could. Once i had it as tight as possible without causing it to slip from my hands. After about 2 or three minutes I started to get light headed and my entire head started to get very hot. my brain was screaming to let go of the shoelace, but i resisted the urge and the more it screamed and pleaded to let go, the tighter I pulled.
soon thereafter the alarm on my watch went off warning me that I had 10 minutes left on my lunch hour (breaking my concentration and ruining the mood), so i dropped the shoelace, put it back in my pocket and sat for a few minutes rubbing my neck, wishing I had started the process maybe 5 or 10 minutes sooner.
On my lunch I went into the maintenance storage room, the lights were off, so i went to the corner of the room, sat down and wrapped the shoelace around both of my hands for a good grip. After i had it on both of my hands i used it to tightly wrap it around my neck and I started to pull as tight as I could. Once i had it as tight as possible without causing it to slip from my hands. After about 2 or three minutes I started to get light headed and my entire head started to get very hot. my brain was screaming to let go of the shoelace, but i resisted the urge and the more it screamed and pleaded to let go, the tighter I pulled.
soon thereafter the alarm on my watch went off warning me that I had 10 minutes left on my lunch hour (breaking my concentration and ruining the mood), so i dropped the shoelace, put it back in my pocket and sat for a few minutes rubbing my neck, wishing I had started the process maybe 5 or 10 minutes sooner.
Free Canine art raffle
Posted 10 years agoWhat I see when i talk with furs and AB's
Posted 10 years agoThis was to be a reply to a friends journal, but it seemed like it would hijack his topic (doing that would be rude) and this journal grew out of that intended reply.
___________________________________________________________________
It is just that i very closely link and see a persons furrsona/ponysona that they present as the person that is speaking to or with me, like there is no separation between the character being played and the person playing the character.
A few examples of that;
1. say for instance gemma/sammy/toddlergirl/babystar, when i very rarely speak to her, (my fault there is little convos, i am too shy and bashful and ashamed of myself and actions of my own when i met her) when i read what she says in one of her journals and what I see in her art on one of her two FA accounts. I do not see a human girl who is (33 I think), I see a little furry squiggle or a Lynx. Those two animals are a part of her, they are who she is inside or at least a huge part of who she is and that is who I in some manner connected with emotionally.
2. Another example is with my former "momma" when i would spend hours upon hours speaking and playing with him i did not see him as being ryan, sterling or whatever other character he portrayed. To me in all those wonderful times he was a pony, the momma of my little colt "Amethyst Apple", my little side, the one I became when i was in as Gemma calls it "headspace."
3. this example is when i talk and play with either one of my closest friends emerald radiance or ticklevine, I do not see a 21 year old or a 17 year old person living in Europe or someone living in Oregon, USA. I see one as a pony, who is as far as RP (and strictly RP) goes is not only the wife of one of my main pony characters "Moonbloom", but also the mother of their now 6 little ponies (those two sure like to get buzay *giggle*) and i see the other as my sweet and cuddly sister.
4. The final example is when i talk and play with my little ones
TFFox and 
glacero when i speak to them I see myself as their mother, I love them as a mother would and want them to have happiness just as any parent would.
Is thinking the way that i do and seeing fellow furs, babyfurs, AB's, or those who interact with me in that way delusional, deviant, strange, weird, a freak, a total loser or possibly a sign of a serious psychological issue that I may or may not have? I have no idea if it is or not.
I see it as me having a very active, vivid, full and colorful imagination, just as a small toddler or child would. I even find myself more and more playing with my pony toys as if they were living creatures.i know that those molded plastic pieces that are dyed different colors and have synthetic hair on the tops of their heads and on their rumps are not living and real horses, but to me they are as I play, brush those manes and talk to or hug them just as real as a actual horse.
Yes i do know that those i speak with, play with and love are not ponies, dragons, raccoon's, types of felines, canines, or any other form of animal. I know that they are people sitting at a keyboard, typing what is inside their heart, what the desire, what they wish they could be and most of the time what and who they are in their heart.
___________________________________________________________________
It is just that i very closely link and see a persons furrsona/ponysona that they present as the person that is speaking to or with me, like there is no separation between the character being played and the person playing the character.
A few examples of that;
1. say for instance gemma/sammy/toddlergirl/babystar, when i very rarely speak to her, (my fault there is little convos, i am too shy and bashful and ashamed of myself and actions of my own when i met her) when i read what she says in one of her journals and what I see in her art on one of her two FA accounts. I do not see a human girl who is (33 I think), I see a little furry squiggle or a Lynx. Those two animals are a part of her, they are who she is inside or at least a huge part of who she is and that is who I in some manner connected with emotionally.
2. Another example is with my former "momma" when i would spend hours upon hours speaking and playing with him i did not see him as being ryan, sterling or whatever other character he portrayed. To me in all those wonderful times he was a pony, the momma of my little colt "Amethyst Apple", my little side, the one I became when i was in as Gemma calls it "headspace."
3. this example is when i talk and play with either one of my closest friends emerald radiance or ticklevine, I do not see a 21 year old or a 17 year old person living in Europe or someone living in Oregon, USA. I see one as a pony, who is as far as RP (and strictly RP) goes is not only the wife of one of my main pony characters "Moonbloom", but also the mother of their now 6 little ponies (those two sure like to get buzay *giggle*) and i see the other as my sweet and cuddly sister.
4. The final example is when i talk and play with my little ones
TFFox and 
glacero when i speak to them I see myself as their mother, I love them as a mother would and want them to have happiness just as any parent would.Is thinking the way that i do and seeing fellow furs, babyfurs, AB's, or those who interact with me in that way delusional, deviant, strange, weird, a freak, a total loser or possibly a sign of a serious psychological issue that I may or may not have? I have no idea if it is or not.
I see it as me having a very active, vivid, full and colorful imagination, just as a small toddler or child would. I even find myself more and more playing with my pony toys as if they were living creatures.i know that those molded plastic pieces that are dyed different colors and have synthetic hair on the tops of their heads and on their rumps are not living and real horses, but to me they are as I play, brush those manes and talk to or hug them just as real as a actual horse.
Yes i do know that those i speak with, play with and love are not ponies, dragons, raccoon's, types of felines, canines, or any other form of animal. I know that they are people sitting at a keyboard, typing what is inside their heart, what the desire, what they wish they could be and most of the time what and who they are in their heart.
A friend asked if he should watch MLP: FIM in a journal
Posted 10 years agoHere was my answer, do you agree with it, maybe have something to add or a counter-point?
O..M..G..YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!, you should watch My Little Pony: Friendship is magic. There are many reasons for anyone to watch the show, it is -NOT- just for or geared towards little girls age 6-10 as the first three generations of MLP was. There are four main reasons I can use to show why it is such a good show (in no specific order.)
1. Animation: The flash based animation used to create MLP: FIM makes it one of, if not the best animated shows on television today. The artwork is amazing and is preety much unmatched in the cartoons of today. Most of the toons that are shown on networks (Nick, Cartoon network, 4kids/vortex/the CW and disney) are either done in an ugly exaxerated style or are made in 3D. That itself isn't bad, but there is no beauty to admire in those other toons.
2. Music: The musical score created by Daniel Ingram is Hollywood movie quality and the songs that he makes are just so awesome. Many of them have an upbeart feel to them, are silly and are just so memorable that without knowing it you will find yourself walking down the street or sitting doing something (art or homework) and you will be humming one of the songs or outright singing them.
3. Characters: No matter what your personality, i can almost guarentee that you will find and connect with at least one of the main six ponies; Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Princess Twilight Sparkle and my favorite Pinkie Pie) or one of the cast of 30+ background ponies/characters. They have actual depth to their characters and have grown as living beings on the screen since their debut in season one.
4. Morals/lessons: In each and every episode there is a moral or lesson that the pony the episode was about learns, yea that is fine for them but the things the ponies learn each week can also be used by us in our everyday lives. An example is, I was feeling down a week or so ago and i decided to watch a random episode. The lesson in this episode was that you should never change who you are just tp please another or to try to make that person like you more. by doing that he or she is not liking you, they are liking the person you are presenting, not the person you really are.
There are a million other reasons i could talk about, but I must head to work and stuff (there is a lesson about that too in one of the episodes I am sure lol.)
O..M..G..YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!, you should watch My Little Pony: Friendship is magic. There are many reasons for anyone to watch the show, it is -NOT- just for or geared towards little girls age 6-10 as the first three generations of MLP was. There are four main reasons I can use to show why it is such a good show (in no specific order.)
1. Animation: The flash based animation used to create MLP: FIM makes it one of, if not the best animated shows on television today. The artwork is amazing and is preety much unmatched in the cartoons of today. Most of the toons that are shown on networks (Nick, Cartoon network, 4kids/vortex/the CW and disney) are either done in an ugly exaxerated style or are made in 3D. That itself isn't bad, but there is no beauty to admire in those other toons.
2. Music: The musical score created by Daniel Ingram is Hollywood movie quality and the songs that he makes are just so awesome. Many of them have an upbeart feel to them, are silly and are just so memorable that without knowing it you will find yourself walking down the street or sitting doing something (art or homework) and you will be humming one of the songs or outright singing them.
3. Characters: No matter what your personality, i can almost guarentee that you will find and connect with at least one of the main six ponies; Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Princess Twilight Sparkle and my favorite Pinkie Pie) or one of the cast of 30+ background ponies/characters. They have actual depth to their characters and have grown as living beings on the screen since their debut in season one.
4. Morals/lessons: In each and every episode there is a moral or lesson that the pony the episode was about learns, yea that is fine for them but the things the ponies learn each week can also be used by us in our everyday lives. An example is, I was feeling down a week or so ago and i decided to watch a random episode. The lesson in this episode was that you should never change who you are just tp please another or to try to make that person like you more. by doing that he or she is not liking you, they are liking the person you are presenting, not the person you really are.
There are a million other reasons i could talk about, but I must head to work and stuff (there is a lesson about that too in one of the episodes I am sure lol.)
Just took a "The 100% Accurate "What is my Fursona?" Test"
Posted 10 years agohttp://www.helloquizzy.com/results/.....Sneakiness=11&var_Aggressiveness=-11&var_Perverseness=10&var_Straight=-5&var_Gay=5
Club Applerose FREE YCH <3 UPDATE 2
Posted 10 years agoTHERE ARE VERY FEW SLOTS OPEN FOR THIS FREE YCH. THE OPEN SLOTS ARE FOR THOSE SITTING AT THE "TABLE" (2 slots) and THOSE WHO ARE IN THE "VIP BOX" (2 slots)
<3 <# <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
My great friend
datspaniard and I have completed the ideas for a huge YCH... it is going to happen everypony *giggle* here is the body of the idea and the open remaining places for it.
Please contact datspaniard by note if you want to be a part of this awesome and super cute FREE YCH or comment in this journal...Thankies and huggles
____________________________________________________________________
Club Applerose YCH slots for big scenes
dancers
1. pushing/grinding the rear of their padded rump on pole giggling. Her padding is being rubbed by Patron 6.
Red Treasure
2. has leg wrapped around pole, sitting on stage with seductive look. maybe he is like pointing towards patron 5, enticing him/her to tip more? He is messy.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15615807
3. has leg wrapped around pole hugging it, very blushy as others comment about his cuteness and a patron goes towards him
Amber Reaper
4. is spinning on pole laughing, being messy
Aura Fire
patrons
5. is putting candy/apples/bits on stage in front of one of dancers. Maybe has tongue hanging out with wide eyes, maybe a noticeable bulge in diaper (if a stallion)
6. is staring at a dancer blushing as he/she has his hoof on top of the front of his/her paddins obviously pleasuring him/herself with a hoof as the other hoof rubs Dancer #1's padding.
Stormy Thorn
7. is in back of room picking a song for the DJ Skylar to play as he/she sways his padded bottom
Caeden (Renris' OC)
8. Is at bar ordering a bottle of milk or juice talking to the bartender
Pyrocat. He'll have an orange juice, heavy pulp :3
9. is trying to climb onstage, towards dancer 3
Navy Numbers
10. is a bouncer (buff, muscular), trying to hold onto patron 9, and is pulling off #9 paddin, trying to keep them off stage
Amaretto (Dandy Savage's OC)
11. The bartender, who is talking to pose 8, carefully watching what pose 9 and 10 are doing. He's filling a bottle, having removed the nipple in order to fill it under a "milk" tap. There could be chocolate milk and juice taps.
Dat Spany
12. The DJ
Skylar
13.
Amy Applerose, being the owner of the group, wearing a very pretty dress (see dress reference), and is transgender (has breasts), and is in a box reading "VIP"
In the box, there's also
Apple Star
Bonded Friendship
Dreamsicle Whitethorn
14. Getting their hoof in the diaper vending machine, grabbing the diapers they just boutght, and wiggling their messy diapered butt in the air as the little door in the machine is pretty low.
Dusky
15. going to buy a diaper in the machine as s/he's not wearing, covering his scrunchy muzzle as the pony in front of him and the machine is messy.
16. Nuzzling or poking 22's diaper
Spin Sound
17. Asking 23 to fill their diapers "like a good foal"
Stargrazer
99. Taking photos of the dancers
Photoshot
standing at a velvet rope waiting to gain entrance to the club
18. Annoyed at the line, maybe they have to use their diapers and are impatient to enter so they can wet/mess in front of the other ponies
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15028246/
19. Licking their muzzle, wanting a drink
Ticklevine (Mushy Bun's OC)
20. First pony in the line, who is waving at Amethyst as a bouncer lets him pass. Not diapered.
Emerald Radiance
21. Bouncer opening the velvet rope for 20. the bouncer has his hoof on emeralds shoulder pointing at sign with other hoof. rules of club are rules lol
River
maids (waiters and waitresses), they wear those sexy maid dresses, all have their poofy paddins visible of coarse. some dry, some squishy and some messy
22. Having his/her diaper poked or nuzzled by surprise by a patron (as she carries a tray with baby bottles and removes empty foal bottles), causing her to leak a little
Polaris
23. Filling her/his diaper as a order from a patron
Umbreon
a little like crib with little ponies in it (parents decided to take their little ones to work giggle (4-6 colts/fillies)
24. colt/filly is standing with hooves pressed against wall of crib staring at the preety lights that move around
ittybittybrittykitty
25. same as 24
Midnight Brush
26. is laying down sucking/nibbling on 27's hoof.
Flynn
27. is looking at 26 blushing as his paddin is visably yellow and a little messy. He's wearing a onesie that has muffins on it and derpys eyes (the crossed ones)
Tristen
A group eating around one (or two) of the tables, talking, playing stuff... having fun in group.
28.
Atè Elethèria
29.
30.
31.
Arrangement of scenes:
vip top page, stage middle, floor under stage, bar bottom page and crib next to stage or floor
There could be empty bottles and baby stuff scattered on the tables and club, and pacifiers
There would be vending machines which sell diapers of different kinds
A sign reading "NO diaper, NO service"
the club is called:
Applerose <3 s [[with a heart for apostrophy]] in maybe different color for each letter all soft femine colors 9pinks, yellows, reds, blues, aqua and such).
maybe have each dancer in a spotlight in femine colors, or they are standing on like hearts or something that all are diferent colors, lit up like neon.
___________________________________________________________________
<3 <# <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
My great friend
datspaniard and I have completed the ideas for a huge YCH... it is going to happen everypony *giggle* here is the body of the idea and the open remaining places for it.Please contact
datspaniard by note if you want to be a part of this awesome and super cute FREE YCH or comment in this journal...Thankies and huggles____________________________________________________________________
Club Applerose YCH slots for big scenes
dancers
1. pushing/grinding the rear of their padded rump on pole giggling. Her padding is being rubbed by Patron 6.
Red Treasure
2. has leg wrapped around pole, sitting on stage with seductive look. maybe he is like pointing towards patron 5, enticing him/her to tip more? He is messy.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15615807
3. has leg wrapped around pole hugging it, very blushy as others comment about his cuteness and a patron goes towards him
Amber Reaper
4. is spinning on pole laughing, being messy
Aura Fire
patrons
5. is putting candy/apples/bits on stage in front of one of dancers. Maybe has tongue hanging out with wide eyes, maybe a noticeable bulge in diaper (if a stallion)
6. is staring at a dancer blushing as he/she has his hoof on top of the front of his/her paddins obviously pleasuring him/herself with a hoof as the other hoof rubs Dancer #1's padding.
Stormy Thorn
7. is in back of room picking a song for the DJ Skylar to play as he/she sways his padded bottom
Caeden (Renris' OC)
8. Is at bar ordering a bottle of milk or juice talking to the bartender
Pyrocat. He'll have an orange juice, heavy pulp :3
9. is trying to climb onstage, towards dancer 3
Navy Numbers
10. is a bouncer (buff, muscular), trying to hold onto patron 9, and is pulling off #9 paddin, trying to keep them off stage
Amaretto (Dandy Savage's OC)
11. The bartender, who is talking to pose 8, carefully watching what pose 9 and 10 are doing. He's filling a bottle, having removed the nipple in order to fill it under a "milk" tap. There could be chocolate milk and juice taps.
Dat Spany
12. The DJ
Skylar
13.
Amy Applerose, being the owner of the group, wearing a very pretty dress (see dress reference), and is transgender (has breasts), and is in a box reading "VIP"
In the box, there's also
Apple Star
Bonded Friendship
Dreamsicle Whitethorn
14. Getting their hoof in the diaper vending machine, grabbing the diapers they just boutght, and wiggling their messy diapered butt in the air as the little door in the machine is pretty low.
Dusky
15. going to buy a diaper in the machine as s/he's not wearing, covering his scrunchy muzzle as the pony in front of him and the machine is messy.
16. Nuzzling or poking 22's diaper
Spin Sound
17. Asking 23 to fill their diapers "like a good foal"
Stargrazer
99. Taking photos of the dancers
Photoshot
standing at a velvet rope waiting to gain entrance to the club
18. Annoyed at the line, maybe they have to use their diapers and are impatient to enter so they can wet/mess in front of the other ponies
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15028246/
19. Licking their muzzle, wanting a drink
Ticklevine (Mushy Bun's OC)
20. First pony in the line, who is waving at Amethyst as a bouncer lets him pass. Not diapered.
Emerald Radiance
21. Bouncer opening the velvet rope for 20. the bouncer has his hoof on emeralds shoulder pointing at sign with other hoof. rules of club are rules lol
River
maids (waiters and waitresses), they wear those sexy maid dresses, all have their poofy paddins visible of coarse. some dry, some squishy and some messy
22. Having his/her diaper poked or nuzzled by surprise by a patron (as she carries a tray with baby bottles and removes empty foal bottles), causing her to leak a little
Polaris
23. Filling her/his diaper as a order from a patron
Umbreon
a little like crib with little ponies in it (parents decided to take their little ones to work giggle (4-6 colts/fillies)
24. colt/filly is standing with hooves pressed against wall of crib staring at the preety lights that move around
ittybittybrittykitty
25. same as 24
Midnight Brush
26. is laying down sucking/nibbling on 27's hoof.
Flynn
27. is looking at 26 blushing as his paddin is visably yellow and a little messy. He's wearing a onesie that has muffins on it and derpys eyes (the crossed ones)
Tristen
A group eating around one (or two) of the tables, talking, playing stuff... having fun in group.
28.
Atè Elethèria
29.
30.
31.
Arrangement of scenes:
vip top page, stage middle, floor under stage, bar bottom page and crib next to stage or floor
There could be empty bottles and baby stuff scattered on the tables and club, and pacifiers
There would be vending machines which sell diapers of different kinds
A sign reading "NO diaper, NO service"
the club is called:
Applerose <3 s [[with a heart for apostrophy]] in maybe different color for each letter all soft femine colors 9pinks, yellows, reds, blues, aqua and such).
maybe have each dancer in a spotlight in femine colors, or they are standing on like hearts or something that all are diferent colors, lit up like neon.
___________________________________________________________________
I am a very bad little one, no wonder I was abandoned..*cry*
Posted 10 years agoNothing I say in this journal is an attempt to make anyone feel sorry for me at all. This is me being as honest as I possibly can be. I know that in parts of it I might sound critical, blunt, perhaps brutally honest with my thoughts, feelings and perspectives about certain things, perhaps revealing things that were at one time meant to be private thought or words between two people who I thought loved each other with both their hearts and minds, for that I apologize to them in advance.
___________________________________________________________________
I write this to try to release some of the pain that lives in my heart now through words, rather then the only other option I see to not feel so much terrible pain in my heart and mind....my wrists and throat.
___________________________________________________________________
I sincerely hope with all my heart that what I have to say in this journal does not make anyone sad, hurt or makes them feel bad or cry, that is not my intention at all.
___________________________________________________________________
This is for me a very, very, very hard journal to write. As i write it I am crying so much inside and outside actual tears. I have spent the last week and a half almost non stop crying my eyes out because my heart is in so much pain. I suppose the place to start is at the beginning of what made me feel more happiness and joy then I had ever felt before.
Sometime in late 2013 to early 2014 I met someone on Skype named Sterling Pinion, I forget how we met first, it might have been through someone named Vivid Brush. I talked with him about many things and eventually he told me about him being ABDL. I had no idea what that was, I had never heard of such a thing before.
I thought that there were only two types of people who wore diapers. Those who are old, sick people who were unable to move so that they could go to a toilet either through old age, post surgery or some sort of mental disorder (Cerebal Palsy and other things like that) and those who were actual babies or toddlers, young people who were not potty trained yet and used "babyish" things such as bottles, pacifiers and onesies.
He told me that adults wear diapers for comfort, security, pleasure and act as babies or small children to gain some sort of feeling of safety in their lives. The idea of all that for some reason intrigued me greatly for reason I did not understand and i did research on what it was to be an ABDL. What I read on the sites he referred me to through webpage links made so much sense to me and I had discovered that I was one of them, I was an AB.
Soon thereafter we started to talk and sometimes play as if he was a babysitter for my little OC baby character. it felt so right and natural to me the things I typed on the screen, but came from my heart. We seemed to talk for hours non-stop, even when he was at work at a place where he made parts for if I remember correctly electronics. He told me that he wasnted to be an engineer after college was done.
Over the next few months we grew very close and started to care for each other more then just normal friends would, I dare say we started to love each other in some way. We would talk about many things in those many hours seven days a week, my dark past, his concerns about some in his family not liking him wearing or using diapers and how their apparent lack of sympathy for who he was inside. We spoke of things we liked to do and what our fetishes were and turn ons we had.
One day we were talking and he asked me something along the lines of "Could i be your IRL ABDL parent?" I was floored with the offer and I accepted the offer without hesitation, I already felt through our role plays with him, myself and a few others that he already filled that role of parent to my AB little self.
After he had became my official and only AB parent (my Momma), our talks became somewhat more intimate and we started to discuss our relationships. he was in a relationship or had a crush on someone, but had started to have feelings for someone else. He asked for my advice in how to tell this new crush how he felt about him.
A few days later I was a little hurt inside when I saw him post in a brony Skype chatroom "Wheeeeeeee I have a Coltfriend!" I had started to fall in love with him through getting to know him, but because I loved him in the way I did not only as his little one, but also as his friend and more, I decided to give him my advice when he asked me what he should do or say when he started to have doubts about his feelings for this person. Not to make him like me, but to try to help him give strength to his new relationship, to make it grow, to make their relationship last forever.
In talking to him about those relationship things i was always honest on my feelings and always showed compassion for him and his new BF. In doing so he started to develop romantic feelings for me, the same he felt for his BF. He ended his relationship with him and started to talk with me about the possibility of us being together in a romantic and sexual way. I said i would love that (I was in love with him after all.)
We decided to meet IRL in cleveland, Ohio and spend a night together not only as Momma and little one, but as possibly something more. That night we had do much fun together. We got lost trying to find the sushi place (I have no sense of direction at all), we ate sushi (something I had never considered doing before and I loved it) and then we went to get a motel room together. That night we watched my little pony on his laptop, we cuddled and snuggled, he changed my diaper, he gave me my bottle and pacifier, we even tried some private stuff, then we slept in each others comforting and loving embrace.
The next morning we went to breakfast and I asked him if he would consider becoming my boyfriend. He said he would think about it and then later that day he went home to Cincinnati, Ohio.
A few days later he said he had an answer for my proposal and he turned me down because of my age (I was 36 and he was 21) and for other reasons. Hearing him reject my advance was a little disappointing, but he said his feelings for me as my Momma had not changed and that he loved me as his AB child. I was very happy with that.
Time went by and we grew closer as a family of two. We could talk about anything both ways and share so much of what made us who we are and we played so much. he even took me on his family vacation with him (using Skype and google+) I felt so honored and special by that rare privilege. He came up to Cleveland and drove a U-Haul for me so i could move to Richmond, Ky, in between moving two apartments we got a room and did all those things we did
Eventually he got back into contact with someone he had feelings for earlier in his life and they started dating. Him and by extension them being happy together was my only desire and concern, I was overjoyed with him being so giggly and happy talking about how he felt about his new special somepony.
We continued to have lots of fum playing with each other as momma and her little colt "Amethyst Apple." Sometime in the midst of all the things I mentioned above we talkied and made an OC pony to be a physical representation of him as my pony momma. I thought so hard about a name for her and what she might look like. I had found a picture of a Goldenrenette apple (Rene for short) and told him of the name. he loved it and decided to name her that. I was overjoyed by that and felt very close to him, more so when he drew her and she was the most beautiful mare I had ever seen, I loved her and him even more as my momma. I felt so close to him.
The months that followed were so blissful between us, we had so much fun and talked so lovingly to each other. He went as far as to say to me one day "you are my little one, I will never let you go." He said that he wasn't speaking of the pony OC of mine, but to me as his IRL little one. I finally had a family member that would never forget, abandon, or pretend that i do not exist....or so I thought.
For a while things were slow due to him starting college, trying to spend time with his boyfriend, spending time with his IRL family, working at a pizza place as a delivery driver and other things that interested him. I was alright with the limited time together due to him being so busy with things he had to do to learn, grow, be successful in life, make money and maintain the relationships he had in his non Skype life.
Things started to go downhill within the matter of a month or so. As mentioned he started to speak to me less and less, when he did it was for only a tiny amount of time maybe for half an hour to little as a few minutes a day. then it became once every few days. That started to hurt me inside a little, but I was alright with it, he must have been very busy.
Things got very sad when one day after not speaking with him at all for three weeks I went into Skype and decided to send him a message saying hi and then give him a nuzzle or cuddle because I was missing my momma so much. I saw that his Skype name was no longer "Rene (sterling)", but was only "Sterling." I was very confused by that and asked him why Rene was gone from his name, did i do something wrong or was i bad?
He told me that he removed that name because he no longer role plays using that pony, so he no longer wished to be known as that. Him saying that crushed me inside. was that all she was to him a disposable name that became boring to use? I loved her, I helped make her, I named her, she was my momma as a pony and she was a part of my heart. I felt inside that he no longer loved me, that he abandoned me, but I didn't say that to him. I hid my pain so that he would not become sad or feel guilty for breaking a part of my heart.
Things have dissolved even more since then. It has been another three week period since he has attempted to speak to me at all. The last time we spoke on Skype I saw that he had an all new Skype avatar I saw his avatar was him and his boyfriend in an embrace. I thought it was very good looking and he told me that his boyfriend had commissioned it to be made for them. That made me a little happy that he had someone that loved him that much, someone who loved him as much as I did, just in a different way. I asked him if i could see the whole thing because it was cropped to fit Skype, for all i knew the rest of pic was NSFW and cropped for good reason. he responded that he would show whole thing, but he would have to dig for it. I asked him what he means and he said "I'm not sure." He had a new name as well "WhirleyDerg (sterling) I asked waht the name meant and he said it had something to do with dragons.
Again I thought about contacting him to talk to him about all the feelings I have inside me that were making me cry so much. I saw his avatar and name and then I thought to ask his boyfriend if he was alright, I knew if I spoke to him I would be unable to speak without crying and then probably run away, going offline to avoid the pain. i saw that the BF had a tumblr link in his personal info thing. I clicked on it and saw another pic of them that was beautiful on his Tumblr page. Looking through the page i saw that momma, his BF and many others had talked on the page several time over the past few weeks (the same time that I was forgotten about), in the page i saw a link to WhirleyDergs page and I went to it and saw the whole image I asked to see uncropped, it wasn't NSFW, it was amazingly cute. Yet another link too me to Sterlings "WhirleyDerg" page. In it I saw all the pics he made of dragons and stuff, mentions of him streaming and making art and talking to many others.
What happened, why did he abandon me, why was I forgotten and thrown away like an old dirty shoe? *I am crying as i write this now* Was it because he has found many new types of shoes to wear and no longer wishes to know of me, what in the name of whatever did i do wrong to make him not love me anymore, what did i do to make him forget all the wonderful things he said to me in over a year, he said that he would teach me to draw, teach me to drive in preparation to take a drivers test (when I eventually took one), help me study for the GED (again when i was to take it), he suggested that someday perhaps we could live as a family (him, me and his BF), said that would do so many things because he said he loved me not only as a person, but also as his AB little one.
What is wrong with me, that all who have known me in the past have claimed to love me and then when it got a little boring or times got tough they run away from me as fast as they can. My IRL mother, step-father brother, sister, all the friends i have ever had did the same thing to me.
For so long I did everything I could to hide myself from the world, making sure no one would ever see me or even notice that I am alive, the reason being I was never able to handle being abandoned and betrayed by those I thought truly did love me.
I feel like a used shoe or piece of garbage like an empty 20oz bottle of soda, no longer needed because what they or he wanted was used and now is gone, so they no longer need the thing that held all that emotion and love and the best thing is to throw it away, letting it sit in a landfill and rot alone.
I feel so bad now and have for a month, there hasn't been a moment other then when I sleep that I have not thought about taking one of the three box cutters i have sitting on PC desk and using them to end the life that no one wants to be a part of anymore.
The only thing other then the slim hope that momma might come back that has kept me from harming myself is the fact that I have a little one now, a little fox kit named Foxii and a little one who is a dragon pup named Glacero.
I love them with all my heart, mind and soul. I would NEVER abandon them for the sake of being with the man I love, the new friends I make, the job I happen to have, the educational pursuits I have, to deal with IRL family issues or to do something that I like to do (in my case it is RP with family and play video game, in mommas case it is drawing and making things using his skills in engineering.) Yes, at times my life might be busy, very busy, but I would make time to be with those I claim to love, I would fulfill the promises I made in the name of being a family and I would never do anything that would hurt their feelings and make them feel as I do now...used up, disposed of, forgotten, feared, disliked, as an annoyance and as someone who was nothing more then a temporary plaything. I am a person, I have a heart that is now broken, I now spend all my time at home and work crying, rather then talking to others that I love with my heart...Emerald, Vivid, Zacory, apple Star, Applejack, Cliff Dixon and so may others, too many to mention by name here.
I did not write this to make momma feel bad, I would never ever want to make him sad, in truth i still love him so much. Not as a potential lover, not a just another friend, not as someone I had fun with, but as my only IRL AB Momma.
I am so sorry to all, that I was so inconsequential to all of you, please forgive me for what i might have to do. *cry*
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I write this to try to release some of the pain that lives in my heart now through words, rather then the only other option I see to not feel so much terrible pain in my heart and mind....my wrists and throat.
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I sincerely hope with all my heart that what I have to say in this journal does not make anyone sad, hurt or makes them feel bad or cry, that is not my intention at all.
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This is for me a very, very, very hard journal to write. As i write it I am crying so much inside and outside actual tears. I have spent the last week and a half almost non stop crying my eyes out because my heart is in so much pain. I suppose the place to start is at the beginning of what made me feel more happiness and joy then I had ever felt before.
Sometime in late 2013 to early 2014 I met someone on Skype named Sterling Pinion, I forget how we met first, it might have been through someone named Vivid Brush. I talked with him about many things and eventually he told me about him being ABDL. I had no idea what that was, I had never heard of such a thing before.
I thought that there were only two types of people who wore diapers. Those who are old, sick people who were unable to move so that they could go to a toilet either through old age, post surgery or some sort of mental disorder (Cerebal Palsy and other things like that) and those who were actual babies or toddlers, young people who were not potty trained yet and used "babyish" things such as bottles, pacifiers and onesies.
He told me that adults wear diapers for comfort, security, pleasure and act as babies or small children to gain some sort of feeling of safety in their lives. The idea of all that for some reason intrigued me greatly for reason I did not understand and i did research on what it was to be an ABDL. What I read on the sites he referred me to through webpage links made so much sense to me and I had discovered that I was one of them, I was an AB.
Soon thereafter we started to talk and sometimes play as if he was a babysitter for my little OC baby character. it felt so right and natural to me the things I typed on the screen, but came from my heart. We seemed to talk for hours non-stop, even when he was at work at a place where he made parts for if I remember correctly electronics. He told me that he wasnted to be an engineer after college was done.
Over the next few months we grew very close and started to care for each other more then just normal friends would, I dare say we started to love each other in some way. We would talk about many things in those many hours seven days a week, my dark past, his concerns about some in his family not liking him wearing or using diapers and how their apparent lack of sympathy for who he was inside. We spoke of things we liked to do and what our fetishes were and turn ons we had.
One day we were talking and he asked me something along the lines of "Could i be your IRL ABDL parent?" I was floored with the offer and I accepted the offer without hesitation, I already felt through our role plays with him, myself and a few others that he already filled that role of parent to my AB little self.
After he had became my official and only AB parent (my Momma), our talks became somewhat more intimate and we started to discuss our relationships. he was in a relationship or had a crush on someone, but had started to have feelings for someone else. He asked for my advice in how to tell this new crush how he felt about him.
A few days later I was a little hurt inside when I saw him post in a brony Skype chatroom "Wheeeeeeee I have a Coltfriend!" I had started to fall in love with him through getting to know him, but because I loved him in the way I did not only as his little one, but also as his friend and more, I decided to give him my advice when he asked me what he should do or say when he started to have doubts about his feelings for this person. Not to make him like me, but to try to help him give strength to his new relationship, to make it grow, to make their relationship last forever.
In talking to him about those relationship things i was always honest on my feelings and always showed compassion for him and his new BF. In doing so he started to develop romantic feelings for me, the same he felt for his BF. He ended his relationship with him and started to talk with me about the possibility of us being together in a romantic and sexual way. I said i would love that (I was in love with him after all.)
We decided to meet IRL in cleveland, Ohio and spend a night together not only as Momma and little one, but as possibly something more. That night we had do much fun together. We got lost trying to find the sushi place (I have no sense of direction at all), we ate sushi (something I had never considered doing before and I loved it) and then we went to get a motel room together. That night we watched my little pony on his laptop, we cuddled and snuggled, he changed my diaper, he gave me my bottle and pacifier, we even tried some private stuff, then we slept in each others comforting and loving embrace.
The next morning we went to breakfast and I asked him if he would consider becoming my boyfriend. He said he would think about it and then later that day he went home to Cincinnati, Ohio.
A few days later he said he had an answer for my proposal and he turned me down because of my age (I was 36 and he was 21) and for other reasons. Hearing him reject my advance was a little disappointing, but he said his feelings for me as my Momma had not changed and that he loved me as his AB child. I was very happy with that.
Time went by and we grew closer as a family of two. We could talk about anything both ways and share so much of what made us who we are and we played so much. he even took me on his family vacation with him (using Skype and google+) I felt so honored and special by that rare privilege. He came up to Cleveland and drove a U-Haul for me so i could move to Richmond, Ky, in between moving two apartments we got a room and did all those things we did
Eventually he got back into contact with someone he had feelings for earlier in his life and they started dating. Him and by extension them being happy together was my only desire and concern, I was overjoyed with him being so giggly and happy talking about how he felt about his new special somepony.
We continued to have lots of fum playing with each other as momma and her little colt "Amethyst Apple." Sometime in the midst of all the things I mentioned above we talkied and made an OC pony to be a physical representation of him as my pony momma. I thought so hard about a name for her and what she might look like. I had found a picture of a Goldenrenette apple (Rene for short) and told him of the name. he loved it and decided to name her that. I was overjoyed by that and felt very close to him, more so when he drew her and she was the most beautiful mare I had ever seen, I loved her and him even more as my momma. I felt so close to him.
The months that followed were so blissful between us, we had so much fun and talked so lovingly to each other. He went as far as to say to me one day "you are my little one, I will never let you go." He said that he wasn't speaking of the pony OC of mine, but to me as his IRL little one. I finally had a family member that would never forget, abandon, or pretend that i do not exist....or so I thought.
For a while things were slow due to him starting college, trying to spend time with his boyfriend, spending time with his IRL family, working at a pizza place as a delivery driver and other things that interested him. I was alright with the limited time together due to him being so busy with things he had to do to learn, grow, be successful in life, make money and maintain the relationships he had in his non Skype life.
Things started to go downhill within the matter of a month or so. As mentioned he started to speak to me less and less, when he did it was for only a tiny amount of time maybe for half an hour to little as a few minutes a day. then it became once every few days. That started to hurt me inside a little, but I was alright with it, he must have been very busy.
Things got very sad when one day after not speaking with him at all for three weeks I went into Skype and decided to send him a message saying hi and then give him a nuzzle or cuddle because I was missing my momma so much. I saw that his Skype name was no longer "Rene (sterling)", but was only "Sterling." I was very confused by that and asked him why Rene was gone from his name, did i do something wrong or was i bad?
He told me that he removed that name because he no longer role plays using that pony, so he no longer wished to be known as that. Him saying that crushed me inside. was that all she was to him a disposable name that became boring to use? I loved her, I helped make her, I named her, she was my momma as a pony and she was a part of my heart. I felt inside that he no longer loved me, that he abandoned me, but I didn't say that to him. I hid my pain so that he would not become sad or feel guilty for breaking a part of my heart.
Things have dissolved even more since then. It has been another three week period since he has attempted to speak to me at all. The last time we spoke on Skype I saw that he had an all new Skype avatar I saw his avatar was him and his boyfriend in an embrace. I thought it was very good looking and he told me that his boyfriend had commissioned it to be made for them. That made me a little happy that he had someone that loved him that much, someone who loved him as much as I did, just in a different way. I asked him if i could see the whole thing because it was cropped to fit Skype, for all i knew the rest of pic was NSFW and cropped for good reason. he responded that he would show whole thing, but he would have to dig for it. I asked him what he means and he said "I'm not sure." He had a new name as well "WhirleyDerg (sterling) I asked waht the name meant and he said it had something to do with dragons.
Again I thought about contacting him to talk to him about all the feelings I have inside me that were making me cry so much. I saw his avatar and name and then I thought to ask his boyfriend if he was alright, I knew if I spoke to him I would be unable to speak without crying and then probably run away, going offline to avoid the pain. i saw that the BF had a tumblr link in his personal info thing. I clicked on it and saw another pic of them that was beautiful on his Tumblr page. Looking through the page i saw that momma, his BF and many others had talked on the page several time over the past few weeks (the same time that I was forgotten about), in the page i saw a link to WhirleyDergs page and I went to it and saw the whole image I asked to see uncropped, it wasn't NSFW, it was amazingly cute. Yet another link too me to Sterlings "WhirleyDerg" page. In it I saw all the pics he made of dragons and stuff, mentions of him streaming and making art and talking to many others.
What happened, why did he abandon me, why was I forgotten and thrown away like an old dirty shoe? *I am crying as i write this now* Was it because he has found many new types of shoes to wear and no longer wishes to know of me, what in the name of whatever did i do wrong to make him not love me anymore, what did i do to make him forget all the wonderful things he said to me in over a year, he said that he would teach me to draw, teach me to drive in preparation to take a drivers test (when I eventually took one), help me study for the GED (again when i was to take it), he suggested that someday perhaps we could live as a family (him, me and his BF), said that would do so many things because he said he loved me not only as a person, but also as his AB little one.
What is wrong with me, that all who have known me in the past have claimed to love me and then when it got a little boring or times got tough they run away from me as fast as they can. My IRL mother, step-father brother, sister, all the friends i have ever had did the same thing to me.
For so long I did everything I could to hide myself from the world, making sure no one would ever see me or even notice that I am alive, the reason being I was never able to handle being abandoned and betrayed by those I thought truly did love me.
I feel like a used shoe or piece of garbage like an empty 20oz bottle of soda, no longer needed because what they or he wanted was used and now is gone, so they no longer need the thing that held all that emotion and love and the best thing is to throw it away, letting it sit in a landfill and rot alone.
I feel so bad now and have for a month, there hasn't been a moment other then when I sleep that I have not thought about taking one of the three box cutters i have sitting on PC desk and using them to end the life that no one wants to be a part of anymore.
The only thing other then the slim hope that momma might come back that has kept me from harming myself is the fact that I have a little one now, a little fox kit named Foxii and a little one who is a dragon pup named Glacero.
I love them with all my heart, mind and soul. I would NEVER abandon them for the sake of being with the man I love, the new friends I make, the job I happen to have, the educational pursuits I have, to deal with IRL family issues or to do something that I like to do (in my case it is RP with family and play video game, in mommas case it is drawing and making things using his skills in engineering.) Yes, at times my life might be busy, very busy, but I would make time to be with those I claim to love, I would fulfill the promises I made in the name of being a family and I would never do anything that would hurt their feelings and make them feel as I do now...used up, disposed of, forgotten, feared, disliked, as an annoyance and as someone who was nothing more then a temporary plaything. I am a person, I have a heart that is now broken, I now spend all my time at home and work crying, rather then talking to others that I love with my heart...Emerald, Vivid, Zacory, apple Star, Applejack, Cliff Dixon and so may others, too many to mention by name here.
I did not write this to make momma feel bad, I would never ever want to make him sad, in truth i still love him so much. Not as a potential lover, not a just another friend, not as someone I had fun with, but as my only IRL AB Momma.
I am so sorry to all, that I was so inconsequential to all of you, please forgive me for what i might have to do. *cry*
A padded MLP:FIM YCH idea
Posted 10 years agoA great friend of mine datspaniard and I have this really cool idea for a YCH that he wants to make. It is set in a "dance club" and has at this time 10 ponies in various poses, as the YCH evolves the ponies, poses of dancers and actions of the patrons may change and new ponies may be added or subtracted to fit the scene.
Please keep in mind what follows may change as pic evolves.
dancers
pushing/grinding the rear of their padded rump on pole giggling
has leg wrapped around pole, sitting on stage with seductive look
has leg wrapped around pole hugging it as if a little nervous
is spinning on pole laughing
patrons
is putting candy/apples/bits on stage in front of one of dancers
is drinking bottle, staring at a dancer blushing
is in back of room picking a song to play on music box as he/she sways his padded bottom
Is at bar ordering a bottle of milk or juice talking to the bartender
is trying to climb onstage (may be why a dancer is nervous
is trying to hold onto a patron, and is pulling off that patrons paddin, trying to keep them off stage
The bartender is talking to a pony, carefully watching what two of the pose are doing
The ideas for the padded ponies in this YCH are mine, but datspaniard will be doing the drawing. Please contact datspaniard for details, suggestions, advice, hints, and tips on the project as well to maybe get a spot in this future YCH art piece.
datspaniard and I have this really cool idea for a YCH that he wants to make. It is set in a "dance club" and has at this time 10 ponies in various poses, as the YCH evolves the ponies, poses of dancers and actions of the patrons may change and new ponies may be added or subtracted to fit the scene. Please keep in mind what follows may change as pic evolves.
dancers
pushing/grinding the rear of their padded rump on pole giggling
has leg wrapped around pole, sitting on stage with seductive look
has leg wrapped around pole hugging it as if a little nervous
is spinning on pole laughing
patrons
is putting candy/apples/bits on stage in front of one of dancers
is drinking bottle, staring at a dancer blushing
is in back of room picking a song to play on music box as he/she sways his padded bottom
Is at bar ordering a bottle of milk or juice talking to the bartender
is trying to climb onstage (may be why a dancer is nervous
is trying to hold onto a patron, and is pulling off that patrons paddin, trying to keep them off stage
The bartender is talking to a pony, carefully watching what two of the pose are doing
The ideas for the padded ponies in this YCH are mine, but
datspaniard will be doing the drawing. Please contact datspaniard for details, suggestions, advice, hints, and tips on the project as well to maybe get a spot in this future YCH art piece.