WOOO BIRTHDAY!

22 NOW!

*flails and guzzles beer even though she's at work*

Watched a movie called The Words. its such an amazing movie. as a writer and a lover I can relate to so many emotions the movie portrays. please watch it it's so good.

and here continues my night of depressing/happily sad movie night. Mate is nowhere to be found..so..my streak of spending valentines alone continues...never have spent valentines with anyone before.

anyhow. Next up: The Illusionist, The Prestige, or The Pianist

just saw a commercial for My Little Pony: Equestrian Girls

whyyyyyyyyyyyyy


also...birthday in two days! whoop whoop!

passing school....kinda hahaha got a 76 on my HAZMAT test....not proud of that....but it's a passing mark...probably gonna take it to get a better score.
as for life updates. Walmart is still getting me shit hours. BUT I pit in an application to a guardsman company so there's a chance I could be night security or somethin for the National Guard Armory around here. I hope and pray this pulls through. if not...dunno what I'll do. been applying to jobs like crazy and never her back or get denied the position cause it conflicts with school. its like people can't realize I'm capable of working 40+ hours a week on top .of the 24 or so hours of school I have each week....its annoying me to death.

like I'm already late on my rent for the beginning of this month cause of a general lack of hours. I'm going insane trying to find work. and to make things better I have a couple friends that always have money...always buy nice things...and guess what..they are jobless....I will never understand that.

C'est La Vie

till mah birthday! so excited! and I have no idea why! probably gonna be forever alone-ing it in my room all that day lol. still another year gone by...must be doing something right Haha.



also! fire school is goin well. just finished Fire behavior and scored an 85, second highest score in the class...again. well on my way to being one of the class' "Top Guns" (pretty much valedictorian .pf the class Haha)

continuing HAZMAT this week, Saturday will be our practical examination. we will be handling a full blown HAZMAT scenario (training of course) bit..still means I'm gonna be breathing out of a damn bottle for 3 straight hours....SCBAs aren't fun to use for 20 minutes let alone 3 hours (roughly 6 bottles worth of air...depending on how much air I decide to breathe Haha)

*flails around spastically*

hwiwoaoahtvthzjzkxntnskxnrnz!!!!!!

that is all

*CAUTION* *May contain explicit language and extreme amounts of bitching*

I absolutely LOVE how people bend over backwards for some artist or some dirtbag who needs "help". all the time I see "donation journals" for something completely useless and people just throw money at that person in exchange for little to nothing at all. and then you see the same people asking for help paying rent at the end of the month....I WONDER WHY....HMMM....

shit .I'm gonna start a donation. how about a *donate to the lower-middle working class American whose getting screwed over by both his government and the corporate fat cat under which he is employed* donation fund....I wonder how that will pan out eh?

which leads me to another wonderful pathetic sight I see on here A LOT. If you have to come down on crunch time to pay bills. why can't you get a fucking job? HEAVEN FORBID you have to WORK in a place other than your home. and every time excuses and excuses and excuses....be a fucking productive member of society! jesus....why can't people work? I have YET to see a legitimate answer from anyone....with the exception of one person who apparently has cancer...extreme outlier in a box plot of bullshittery and dumbass excuses. (even though theirs well may be true)

for those artists out there that actually manage to make a sustainable income...fantastic...at least you're making it. its just these people that can't and accept handouts and mooch off of bullshit rather than actually work really pisses me off.

Sooo what's goin on? why is everyone abandoning a ship that's not sinking? I keep seeing all these *lul I'm leaving kthxbaii* journals everywhere. the hell have I missed?


I DEMAND MORE BUTTHURT!

I swear. this HAZMAT course I'm taking makes me want to dig a little diggy hole and hide in it for the rest of my life.
We did a whole like 3 hour lecture on Chemical, Biological and Nuclear Terrorism. there ne some nasty chemicals and biohazardous bugs out there. shoot...riacin can be mad from castor oil..you cat get that shit anywhere! and riacin can kill you in mere minutes. and that's considered a Class C Biological weapon....which is considered the lowest just because it's difficult to deliver to a mass population...



what the fuck world....stahp being so scary

as of today it is exactly 1 month until my 22nd birthday! I'm super excited for some reason. just another year alive and honestly. I can't wait to see what this year will hold for me!

much love to you all!

Alright, so I have been getting my ass kicked by the site Furiffic, been trying FOREVER to move my entire gallery over to that site.


That's where you guys come in, I need someone trustworthy to see if they cant upload a couple pieces from my gallery here, onto there, I want to know if its somehow the computer im using, the web browser or whatever the hell.


so...Halp....please?

freakin schooling yo! finally got registered for Firefighter school! finished my first week of class. its pretty cool so far...I can't wait till I'm able to break in my turnout gear and head inside a structure fire. a little nervous but excited nonetheless. next couple months we should be doing live burn exercises and in July I will be a full certified Firefighter...then come winter I'm gonna go fer my EMT certification! Sooo...by next year I could finally be starting my first career that hopefully won't pay complete shit!

man it seems like yesterday I was at boot. and even summer still that I was back and job hunting. its gonna be comming up on a year here soon in the next few months....shoot I turn 22 on Feb. 16....(ugh I hate having a birthday right after valentines day *empty retch* bleh)

where has all this time gone?

keep typing them up then hitting submit and they show up blank....screw this for now...

its interesting....someone confesses that the love and respect you as if you were their own mate....then turn around to block you everywhere, and not have the balls to tell you themselves they dot wish to speak to you anymore because their jealous of your relationship with one of their friends......fuckin drama yo....

well..parents were on my case all day today. started today getting all my sheets torn off me unceremoniously..then yelled at to help my dad. who said he didn't want my help "if I was gonna cop an attitude" (which I wasnt) Sooo...now I'm kicked out for a few hours...definitely ain't goin home till late .... drove for a while and lo and freakin behold...got a flat tire...then it starts raining...weee!! hahaha fixed the tire...but I'm still gonna have to replace it.


I hope and pray this other job I applied for pulls through....if it does...I'm hoping to be in my own place by summer....maybe sooner...then I'm enlisting again...cause leave orders for deployment override the rent terms and contracts. Sooo...here's to a happy new year and new possibilities!

figure it had been a while aimce I tried to do something with my watchers...I guess we can have a Q&A session. spread the word. tell people about this. and I guass this would be a chance to get into my head, Meraxes' head and all the others around here (Gallagher doesn't like to share info but Meraxes will just smack him around till he squeaks Haha.) also, SOONISH, I should have some new arts that will be introducing Meraxes' sister: Manareth!

COME ONE, COME ALL! ASK ME QUESTIONS!

and link and spread this journal a bit, I wanna meet new and awesome people! the more people that chat here, the more fun we will have!

seriously...been seeing a lot of people I know get some crazy good arts for free...over and over agin...like...super good quality art. its strange...I pay for arts that aren't as good of quality as the ones I see people get for free. its kinda crazy...the world is always about Who You Know

parents and and I are finally moving into a house. I GET A ROOM! WITH A DOOR! LIKE...IT SHUTS AND SHIT!

so glad I don't have to sleep in an office crawl space anymore.


net will be up soon so I don't have to waste 3G data!

DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN! I ACTUALLY HAD TO DO THINGS TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

these feels....where do they come from? T.=.T

 bugnot


was alerted by a friend that hes been harassing people including her, asked him to stop and like a typical child he audaciously posted in my shouts.



YAY FOR GOD AWFUL GRAMMAR.


seriously I lol'd

yeah, don't know what to put here...7 minutes into Friday and already glad its here...only 3 days till a day off.....feeling...tipsy....and kinda productive..might write more on my works in progress tonight, and might have a couple stories and maybe a poem up soon....gift works for a friend might be up...HOPEFULLY, its been a long time comming

y'all know the drill...ask away

Sooo....my ex decided to send me a long and drawn out text to me about how worthless and useless I am. and how I'm a failure as a man and how she enjoyed cheating on me and "no wonder all your girlfriends have cheated on you: you're pathetic".

needless to say I'm not in a good mood. but it's been getting me thinking. every year around thanksgiving and Christmas. I go through some sort of emotional trauma. like breaking up ot having my heart torn to pieces. I'm really starting to hate the holidays.
why does it have to happen around now?


like I keep seeing all over my Facebook...friends i grew up with getting married...and living happy lives...some having kids. shit like that. and i see couples EVERYWHERE....this stuff is really starting to get to me. to the point to where it's starting to affect my poetry. I write a lot of it. and never post it were cause I feel some of which...is a little too personal far here...but...like...I'm in this super deep rut now. and that text was literally the straw that broke the camels back.

I've never been this...well...sad over something like this....normally an ex's bullshit doesn't really effect me like this...but...she got me.....got me good this time....


why have all of them cheated?

what's that say about me?


(don't want a "I'm sorry, poor you" response. I want honest thoughts)