FA+
Shop
Weekly Commissions OPEN
Posted 10 years agothe start of a new week! i'm still working on my Regular Commission queue from last week, but those should be done soon, so if you don't mind waiting a few days,
also just because my Gore Challenge YCH's didn't sell last week doesn't mean they're closed or that i'm gonna stop doing the challenge, i'll just be filling the folder with more sketches for people to choose from, and linking to the whole folder on my weekly journals here. Alright! here we go!
here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal to help me keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal or send me a note with your refs and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be to claim a slot for the streams this week. All the streams are a minimum of four hours long and i post an image as a reminder before i go in, so if you watch me, check for that! or follow me on Picarto if you've got an account, and it'll send you a handy email notice when i go online.
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
also just because my Gore Challenge YCH's didn't sell last week doesn't mean they're closed or that i'm gonna stop doing the challenge, i'll just be filling the folder with more sketches for people to choose from, and linking to the whole folder on my weekly journals here. Alright! here we go!
DISCOUNTED STREAM PRICES:
icons: $10
Full body (no colour): $18 -- colour: $25 , additional characters +$5
busts (no colour) $15 -- colour: $20 -- with lineart:$26
i'm now taking five slots for each streaming day! here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal to help me keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal or send me a note with your refs and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be to claim a slot for the streams this week. All the streams are a minimum of four hours long and i post an image as a reminder before i go in, so if you watch me, check for that! or follow me on Picarto if you've got an account, and it'll send you a handy email notice when i go online.
Regular Commissions:
1. 
2-character flat w/bg (sending sketch for approval)
2. 
2 character hanging feat. 
before/after (done! need to upload it)
Open YCH's: HERE
- 
- Gore Challenge: Skeleton (sketching!)
Sunday 1/3 - 12pm-4pm EST
- 
fullbody coloured sketch (done)
- 
fullbody coloured sketch (done)
Monday 1/4 - 1pm-5pm EST
- 
2-character coloured sketch (done)
- 
icon, flat colour fullbody with lineart (done)
Tuesday 1/5 - 12pm-4pm EST
- (trade) 
fullbody coloured pinup (done!)
Wednesday 1/6 - 12pm-4pm EST
- x2 2-character fullbody coloured sketches
- OPEN
- OPEN
- OPEN
- OPEN
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
Talos Principle
Posted 10 years agoso Talos Principle is 75% off on the Steam Sale til the 4th so i finally caved. i'd been meaning to buy it for some time now.
omg i haven't been able to put it down. like, i am so sorry for not cracking down on art, but......holy fucking shit.
like, the mechanics are very, very similar to Portal and Quantum Conundrum with the first person puzzle solving, but the graphics are gorgeous, the soundtrack is so pretty, and the plot is so cool and basically everything that i love about existential philosophy but have trouble articulating, plus AI speculation and just....gah it's SO GOOD.
seriously worth the, what? 7.99 or something? plus a little more for some story DLC? so about 10-11 bucks for something i'm gonna be 100%-ing over the course of the next few months. MAN what a good deal. 10/10 it blew my whole asshole out.
omg i haven't been able to put it down. like, i am so sorry for not cracking down on art, but......holy fucking shit.
like, the mechanics are very, very similar to Portal and Quantum Conundrum with the first person puzzle solving, but the graphics are gorgeous, the soundtrack is so pretty, and the plot is so cool and basically everything that i love about existential philosophy but have trouble articulating, plus AI speculation and just....gah it's SO GOOD.
seriously worth the, what? 7.99 or something? plus a little more for some story DLC? so about 10-11 bucks for something i'm gonna be 100%-ing over the course of the next few months. MAN what a good deal. 10/10 it blew my whole asshole out.
Meme Time!
Posted 10 years agofinally one i didn't steal from the Bae
Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) publish something, i don't care if it's a graphic novel or a piece of poetry in an editorial
2.) go to Dresden
3.) roadtrip out west
Three Names You Go By:
1.) Max
2.) Kappa
3.) Case
Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Saint Sputnik
2.) AnarionxSilverfang
3.) TITTYSPRINKLES
Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) my eyes (central heterochromia)
2.) my shoulders
3.) my pain tolerance
Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Irish
2.) Hungarian
3.) Polish
Three Things That Scare You:
1.) parasites that burrow in people's skin
2.) not heights, but falling without a parachute
3.) drowning in a car
Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) caffeine of some kind
2.) my phone or some other device so i can listen to music, i get start getting super anxious if i can't have some kind of background noise.
3.) deodorant + cologne, i hate smelling bad.
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) a soft, oversize brown sweater
2.) a super hipster t-shirt with flowers and a white triangle
3.) the softest fresh-laundered cotton underpants you could ever want
Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Beirut
2.) Tool
3.) Radical Face
Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Renaissance! by San Fermin
2.) Little Pistols by Mother Mother
3.) Perth by Bon Iver
Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) we gotta be best friends! i'm talkin, i can call you an asshole and you know it's code for "person i love beyond comprehensive speech"
2.) cuddles and holding hands!
3.) someone who's gonna engage in an intellectual banter with me, ranging from pop culture to the heat death of the universe
Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) i love steamed broccoli
2.) i'm ambidextrous
3.) i've broken my left arm three times
Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) drawing!
2.) lots of video games!!
3.) historical research! my particular areas of study are American Prohibition + organized crime, Otto von Bismark and the formation of the German state, the Eastern Front of WWII, the firebombing of Dresden, Nazi medical experiments, and escape attempts from East Germany.
Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) play some DARK SOULS and get really good
2.) read by the fire
3.) try making a snow sculpture!
Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Preproduction artist (storyboarding)
2.) Bartender
3.) Veterinarian (i do not have the money in the bANK)
Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Montana!
2.) SWEDEN AGAIN (i miss it badly)
3.) Boston
Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Eugene
2.) Maria
3.) Kyle
Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) publish something, i don't care if it's a graphic novel or a piece of poetry in an editorial
2.) go to Dresden
3.) roadtrip out west
Three Names You Go By:
1.) Max
2.) Kappa
3.) Case
Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Saint Sputnik
2.) AnarionxSilverfang
3.) TITTYSPRINKLES
Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) my eyes (central heterochromia)
2.) my shoulders
3.) my pain tolerance
Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Irish
2.) Hungarian
3.) Polish
Three Things That Scare You:
1.) parasites that burrow in people's skin
2.) not heights, but falling without a parachute
3.) drowning in a car
Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) caffeine of some kind
2.) my phone or some other device so i can listen to music, i get start getting super anxious if i can't have some kind of background noise.
3.) deodorant + cologne, i hate smelling bad.
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) a soft, oversize brown sweater
2.) a super hipster t-shirt with flowers and a white triangle
3.) the softest fresh-laundered cotton underpants you could ever want
Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Beirut
2.) Tool
3.) Radical Face
Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Renaissance! by San Fermin
2.) Little Pistols by Mother Mother
3.) Perth by Bon Iver
Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) we gotta be best friends! i'm talkin, i can call you an asshole and you know it's code for "person i love beyond comprehensive speech"
2.) cuddles and holding hands!
3.) someone who's gonna engage in an intellectual banter with me, ranging from pop culture to the heat death of the universe
Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) i love steamed broccoli
2.) i'm ambidextrous
3.) i've broken my left arm three times
Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) drawing!
2.) lots of video games!!
3.) historical research! my particular areas of study are American Prohibition + organized crime, Otto von Bismark and the formation of the German state, the Eastern Front of WWII, the firebombing of Dresden, Nazi medical experiments, and escape attempts from East Germany.
Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) play some DARK SOULS and get really good
2.) read by the fire
3.) try making a snow sculpture!
Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Preproduction artist (storyboarding)
2.) Bartender
3.) Veterinarian (i do not have the money in the bANK)
Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Montana!
2.) SWEDEN AGAIN (i miss it badly)
3.) Boston
Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Eugene
2.) Maria
3.) Kyle
no stream today
Posted 10 years agoit's snowing HARD, we already have like four inches where i am, so the internet connectivity is really terrible. i know i don't have the speed or stability to stream today. but i'll be working offline on stuff today, and get you guys an update when next i can~!
it's finally looking like WINTER!!
it's finally looking like WINTER!!
first tattoo!!
Posted 10 years agoi went out for a day on the town with a dear friend. saw Star Wars a second time, got a haircut, and got my first tattoo!
i know i draw Max with the linked chains on his wrists and the nautical anchor, but i don't have any of those IRL. but i guess i can say differently now! i just got my left wrist done with the chains today! i'll post some pictures later, the bandage is still on it.
it bled a little and was pretty tender while i was getting it done, but i figure that's a sensitive area. it was the same guy who did my cartilage piercing, a super cool, wirey old biker dude with very steady hands. bit of a conspiracy theorist but ehh he's an old white guy i can cut him some slack.
gahhh i'm so happy and excited!!
i know i draw Max with the linked chains on his wrists and the nautical anchor, but i don't have any of those IRL. but i guess i can say differently now! i just got my left wrist done with the chains today! i'll post some pictures later, the bandage is still on it.
it bled a little and was pretty tender while i was getting it done, but i figure that's a sensitive area. it was the same guy who did my cartilage piercing, a super cool, wirey old biker dude with very steady hands. bit of a conspiracy theorist but ehh he's an old white guy i can cut him some slack.
gahhh i'm so happy and excited!!
Back in Business! (OPEN)
Posted 10 years agoi hope everyone had a good holiday, 'cause i certainly did! i'm going to be getting back on schedule with streaming on Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, because i have a New Year's Party to go to on Thursday, and i'm not going to work on Friday because i need a hangover recovery day, let's be real.
a number of people contacted me asking for slots, so what i'm going to do is message all of them and update my queue according once i hear back from them. i will open stream sketch slots for the Wednesday stream, though! so just comment to claim one of those.
the sketches for the next gore challenge YCH's will be uploaded later tonight for purchase and will be completed by next Monday!
here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal to help me keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal or send me a note with your refs and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be to claim a slot for the streams this week. i think that between the people who have messaged me last week, my Regular Commission slots are full for this week. i'll post an update if that changes, though!
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
a number of people contacted me asking for slots, so what i'm going to do is message all of them and update my queue according once i hear back from them. i will open stream sketch slots for the Wednesday stream, though! so just comment to claim one of those.
the sketches for the next gore challenge YCH's will be uploaded later tonight for purchase and will be completed by next Monday!
DISCOUNTED STREAM PRICES:
icons: $10
Full body (no colour): $18 -- colour: $25 , additional characters +$5
busts (no colour) $15 -- colour: $20 -- with lineart:$26here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal to help me keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal or send me a note with your refs and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be to claim a slot for the streams this week. i think that between the people who have messaged me last week, my Regular Commission slots are full for this week. i'll post an update if that changes, though!
Regular Commissions:
-waiting to hear back-
1. 2-character flat w/bg
2. 
2 character hanging feat. before/after
3.
Gore Challenge Week 03: HERE
Stitches: OPEN
Undead/Zombie: OPEN
Skeleton/Bones: OPEN
Sunday 12/27 - 11am-3pm EST
- 
two character coloured sketch (complete)
- fullbody coloured sketch (complete)
Tuesday 12/29 - Cancelled due to Snowstorm
Wednesday 12/30 - Cancelled due to Internet Connectivity (or lack thereof)
Saturday 1/2 - 12pm-3:30pm
- 
coloured sketch bust
-
-
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
Merry Christmas!! (Help out some Furs in Need)
Posted 10 years agoMerry (early) Christmas to all!! I haven't been on here much 'cause i've been working on gifts and baking and all sorts of holiday cheer with friends and family.
After the holiday, i'll be reopening commissions and going along with my regular streaming schedule. I've gotten several emails and i'll be updating my queue accordingly after the holiday! Thank you guys so much for your continued support!!
but there are some more people who could really use some help this holiday season.
i've got a ton of people watching my page, and i figured i could spread the word. please, take just a minute to read through this list and see if there's anyone to whom you can lend a hand!
joojoo's apartment recently got broken into, and while nothing is taken, their door is toast. you can read more/help out HERE
sythrawolf is in the middle of a move right now and is working to raise $900 to cover expenses to not lose their lease in the process. read more/links to donate+commission HERE
datemate is trying to save up for a special gift for their mate, and is OPEN for commissions right now!
ringingbell is also offering a heavy discount on their coloured pieces for the holidays.
if you personally can't help out monetarily, just spread the word! every little bit helps.
thank you all so much again, i hope you guys have a wonderful holiday full of warmth and love <3 <3
After the holiday, i'll be reopening commissions and going along with my regular streaming schedule. I've gotten several emails and i'll be updating my queue accordingly after the holiday! Thank you guys so much for your continued support!!
but there are some more people who could really use some help this holiday season.
i've got a ton of people watching my page, and i figured i could spread the word. please, take just a minute to read through this list and see if there's anyone to whom you can lend a hand!
joojoo's apartment recently got broken into, and while nothing is taken, their door is toast. you can read more/help out HERE
sythrawolf is in the middle of a move right now and is working to raise $900 to cover expenses to not lose their lease in the process. read more/links to donate+commission HERE
datemate is trying to save up for a special gift for their mate, and is OPEN for commissions right now!
ringingbell is also offering a heavy discount on their coloured pieces for the holidays. if you personally can't help out monetarily, just spread the word! every little bit helps.
thank you all so much again, i hope you guys have a wonderful holiday full of warmth and love <3 <3
Meme Time
Posted 10 years agoi have one illustration that i'm working on for a non-FA client, but it's fairly complicated and i'm taking a break from sketching nouveau borders and rodents of unusual size.
so i stole this meme from
deerskinbriefcase WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING GRAD SCHOOL STUFF but like, who am i to get on anyone's case about procrastinating
1) How old do you wish you were?
21-22 is a fine age, but people are probably gonna card me forever because of my baby face.
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
if bae was in third grade, i was in second.
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
i mash the cash return button and if that doesn't work, i usually walk away.
4) Do you consider yourself kind?
much to my chagrin.
5) If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would it be?
i have a few places i've planned to get stuff! i'm going to do a more ornate anchor design than Max has on his ref sheet. the Bioshock chains on my wrists, some finger tattoos, i have a sweet colour piece for my back that's a wolf head vomiting tentacles with a Mother Mary halo....
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
German! but since that's the goal anyway, Russian would be another. i like picking languages that don't sound much like each other so maybe i'd have less chance to mix up vocab words between them. one of my friends was trying to learn spanish/french at the same time. she had SO much trouble.
7) Do you know your neighbours?
bae knows them, i do not. but they clear snow from our pond so they can play hockey on it. they aight.
8) What do you consider a holiday?
any day you don't have to go to work/school. this includes sick days and vacations if you get to do something non stressful.
9) Do you follow your horoscope?
i like reading them, but i have more fun reading them for my characters. i do tarot readings for myself.
10) Would you move for the person you loved?
heck yeah! i can pretty much always work remotely as an animator/illustrator.
11) Are you touchy feely?
i get especially clingy if i feel sick. i just wanna be cuddled. i love holding hands during movies and stuff.
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
if it's good enough for science, it's good enough for me.
13) Dream job?
storyboard/preproduction artist for Valve, Studio 343, or Riot
14) Favorite channel(S)?
i don't really watch TV! when i did, it was HBO.
15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
to sleep finally
16) Showers or Baths?
is it possible to have a kink for bathtubs? because i fucking love the aesthetic of reclining in a warm, soothing bath alone or with a loved one. same problem as bae, though. i'm too tall.
17) Do you paint your nails?
don't judge me, i paint my toes sometimes. that way if i have to go in for emergency surgery, the nurses can have a laugh.
18) Do you trust people easily?
absolutely not.
19) What are your phobias?
maggots, though i'm getting over them slowly. parasites and stuff burrowing under people's skin make me have panic attacks. tryphophobia.
20) Do you want kids?
i hate babies, i'm selfish, and irresponsible. fuck no.
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
i have lots of little notebooks i carry around with me, but i don't keep a diary.
22) Where would you rather be right now?
a place where i don't have mountains of paperwork to fill out.
23) Heavy or light sleeper?
heavy, but it takes me forever to fall asleep. which is why i'm on delicious drugs.
24) Are you paranoid?
anxiety whoo hoo
25) Are you impatient?
can't be as an animator
26) Who can you relate to?
bae, my Aunt K, bae's mum, a few cousins, my sister, no one older though.
27) How do you feel about interracial couples?
this question must be here to weed out the racists. marry/date/fuck whatever consenting being you want, jesus christ.
28) Have you been burned by love?
slow burns are the best.
29) What's your main ring tone on your cell?
lemme see if i can find the fucking video. it's this to 5:55
30) What were you doing after midnight last night?
i was actually sleeping too because Ambien is a miracle drug.
31) What did the last text on your mobile phone say?
"pick up a book you want me to read because i hate borrowing books"
32) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
bae's. she took the blankets again.
33) What color shirt are you wearing?
dark gray jurassic park merchandise
34) Why is there no question here
because you forgot the question mark, you dingus.
35) Name three things you have on you at all times~?
pocket knife, prescription, cell phone
36) What color are your bed sheets?
white with red arrows
37) How much cash do you have on you right now?
one benjamin. never let go, rose
38) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
i like the wings lol
39) What's your favorite town/city?
as of now, Malmo
40) I can't wait till?
my prescrips even out so i can consistently feel like a functional human.
41) Who got you to join furaffinity?
lol, i did it myself as an alternative to DA. but i think it was
felixpath and 
furx's galleries that first corrupted me.
42) What did you have for dinner last night?
i had a big lunch, so nothing really.
43) How tall are you barefoot?
five foot eight and three quarters
44) Have you ever smoked heroin?
nope, but pot is 11/10
45) Do you own a gun?
i own several, especially since my father's collection came into my possession. the ones that are absolutely mine are a mosin nagant, a yugoslav mauser k-98, and a HK-4
46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
coffee or milk
47) What is your favourite weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
superior wit
48) Do you have A.D.D.?
nope
49) What time did you wake up today?
~10:00
50) Current worry?
getting these paintings done for christmas presents
51) Current hate?
lawyers
52) Favorite place to be?
in the Commonwealth (playing Fallout 4)
53) Where would you like to travel?
Texas or Montana! spend some quality time in Norway, Germany, Sweden. hope they have wheelchair access cause i'll have to sell all my limbs to afford the airfare.
54) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
uHHHHHHHHHhhhhh
55) What songs do you sing in the shower?
i usually start my playlist with Little Pistols by Mother Mother or Meet me in the Woods by Lord Huron. i like singing Mountain Goats too.
56) What was the last thing that made you laugh?
"a league video with max" <-- TRINIMMORTAL IS FUNNY OKAY.
57) Worst injury you've ever had?
i've broken my left arm twice. first time was my radius, second time was radius+ulna, and if i break it a third time i get to have metal plates on my bones.
58) Does someone have a crush on you?
pidge does!
59) What's your favorite candy?
raisinets or reese's peanut butter cups
60) What song is stuck in your head?
meet me in the woods - lord huron
so i stole this meme from
deerskinbriefcase WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING GRAD SCHOOL STUFF but like, who am i to get on anyone's case about procrastinating1) How old do you wish you were?
21-22 is a fine age, but people are probably gonna card me forever because of my baby face.
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
if bae was in third grade, i was in second.
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
i mash the cash return button and if that doesn't work, i usually walk away.
4) Do you consider yourself kind?
much to my chagrin.
5) If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would it be?
i have a few places i've planned to get stuff! i'm going to do a more ornate anchor design than Max has on his ref sheet. the Bioshock chains on my wrists, some finger tattoos, i have a sweet colour piece for my back that's a wolf head vomiting tentacles with a Mother Mary halo....
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
German! but since that's the goal anyway, Russian would be another. i like picking languages that don't sound much like each other so maybe i'd have less chance to mix up vocab words between them. one of my friends was trying to learn spanish/french at the same time. she had SO much trouble.
7) Do you know your neighbours?
bae knows them, i do not. but they clear snow from our pond so they can play hockey on it. they aight.
8) What do you consider a holiday?
any day you don't have to go to work/school. this includes sick days and vacations if you get to do something non stressful.
9) Do you follow your horoscope?
i like reading them, but i have more fun reading them for my characters. i do tarot readings for myself.
10) Would you move for the person you loved?
heck yeah! i can pretty much always work remotely as an animator/illustrator.
11) Are you touchy feely?
i get especially clingy if i feel sick. i just wanna be cuddled. i love holding hands during movies and stuff.
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
if it's good enough for science, it's good enough for me.
13) Dream job?
storyboard/preproduction artist for Valve, Studio 343, or Riot
14) Favorite channel(S)?
i don't really watch TV! when i did, it was HBO.
15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
to sleep finally
16) Showers or Baths?
is it possible to have a kink for bathtubs? because i fucking love the aesthetic of reclining in a warm, soothing bath alone or with a loved one. same problem as bae, though. i'm too tall.
17) Do you paint your nails?
don't judge me, i paint my toes sometimes. that way if i have to go in for emergency surgery, the nurses can have a laugh.
18) Do you trust people easily?
absolutely not.
19) What are your phobias?
maggots, though i'm getting over them slowly. parasites and stuff burrowing under people's skin make me have panic attacks. tryphophobia.
20) Do you want kids?
i hate babies, i'm selfish, and irresponsible. fuck no.
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
i have lots of little notebooks i carry around with me, but i don't keep a diary.
22) Where would you rather be right now?
a place where i don't have mountains of paperwork to fill out.
23) Heavy or light sleeper?
heavy, but it takes me forever to fall asleep. which is why i'm on delicious drugs.
24) Are you paranoid?
anxiety whoo hoo
25) Are you impatient?
can't be as an animator
26) Who can you relate to?
bae, my Aunt K, bae's mum, a few cousins, my sister, no one older though.
27) How do you feel about interracial couples?
this question must be here to weed out the racists. marry/date/fuck whatever consenting being you want, jesus christ.
28) Have you been burned by love?
slow burns are the best.
29) What's your main ring tone on your cell?
lemme see if i can find the fucking video. it's this to 5:55
30) What were you doing after midnight last night?
i was actually sleeping too because Ambien is a miracle drug.
31) What did the last text on your mobile phone say?
"pick up a book you want me to read because i hate borrowing books"
32) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
bae's. she took the blankets again.
33) What color shirt are you wearing?
dark gray jurassic park merchandise
34) Why is there no question here
because you forgot the question mark, you dingus.
35) Name three things you have on you at all times~?
pocket knife, prescription, cell phone
36) What color are your bed sheets?
white with red arrows
37) How much cash do you have on you right now?
one benjamin. never let go, rose
38) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
i like the wings lol
39) What's your favorite town/city?
as of now, Malmo
40) I can't wait till?
my prescrips even out so i can consistently feel like a functional human.
41) Who got you to join furaffinity?
lol, i did it myself as an alternative to DA. but i think it was
felixpath and 
furx's galleries that first corrupted me. 42) What did you have for dinner last night?
i had a big lunch, so nothing really.
43) How tall are you barefoot?
five foot eight and three quarters
44) Have you ever smoked heroin?
nope, but pot is 11/10
45) Do you own a gun?
i own several, especially since my father's collection came into my possession. the ones that are absolutely mine are a mosin nagant, a yugoslav mauser k-98, and a HK-4
46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
coffee or milk
47) What is your favourite weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
superior wit
48) Do you have A.D.D.?
nope
49) What time did you wake up today?
~10:00
50) Current worry?
getting these paintings done for christmas presents
51) Current hate?
lawyers
52) Favorite place to be?
in the Commonwealth (playing Fallout 4)
53) Where would you like to travel?
Texas or Montana! spend some quality time in Norway, Germany, Sweden. hope they have wheelchair access cause i'll have to sell all my limbs to afford the airfare.
54) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
uHHHHHHHHHhhhhh
55) What songs do you sing in the shower?
i usually start my playlist with Little Pistols by Mother Mother or Meet me in the Woods by Lord Huron. i like singing Mountain Goats too.
56) What was the last thing that made you laugh?
"a league video with max" <-- TRINIMMORTAL IS FUNNY OKAY.
57) Worst injury you've ever had?
i've broken my left arm twice. first time was my radius, second time was radius+ulna, and if i break it a third time i get to have metal plates on my bones.
58) Does someone have a crush on you?
pidge does!
59) What's your favorite candy?
raisinets or reese's peanut butter cups
60) What song is stuck in your head?
meet me in the woods - lord huron
progressing slowly but surely
Posted 10 years agowednesday is my last day of absolute horseshit in terms of adult bs and schedule. i've been super nervous about this service for my dad that we're having for the volunteers of the food pantry he was VP of, cause everyone's gonna wanna talk to me and they might expect ME to talk and like, god no please why jesus.
i'm meeting with my primary care doctor tomorrow about doses and meds and stuff and hopefully she helps me decide what's best, and gives me something for these anxiety attacks because chest pain is not fun and that's what i've been dealing with lately (see also: the threat of public speaking).
Thursday i am streaming come hell or high water, cause i've got a freaking sweet piece for to do, and nothing on this green earth (it still hasn't snowed here) is gonna keep me from drawing sexy ladies. if a couple people would like to also get stream commissions Thursday that is A-Okay, if not, i'll just work on colouring the gore YCHs.
because aside from gore YCH's i think i'm gonna put a pause on commissions for just a short while, cause i have a lot of gifts to paint for relatives and stuff.
thank you so much! see you in stream Thursday~
i'm meeting with my primary care doctor tomorrow about doses and meds and stuff and hopefully she helps me decide what's best, and gives me something for these anxiety attacks because chest pain is not fun and that's what i've been dealing with lately (see also: the threat of public speaking).
Thursday i am streaming come hell or high water, cause i've got a freaking sweet piece for
to do, and nothing on this green earth (it still hasn't snowed here) is gonna keep me from drawing sexy ladies. if a couple people would like to also get stream commissions Thursday that is A-Okay, if not, i'll just work on colouring the gore YCHs. because aside from gore YCH's i think i'm gonna put a pause on commissions for just a short while, cause i have a lot of gifts to paint for relatives and stuff.
thank you so much! see you in stream Thursday~
so im a huge piece of shit lol
Posted 10 years agoi had to pack so fast the morning i came to house sit for my aunt that i didn't transfer the gore YCH .sai files to my laptop!!! god i'm so fucking stupid.
of course i just realize this now when i sit down to work on actual work and not trades or future YCH things. SO when bae picks me up tomorrow to decorate the tree back at home for a few hours, i'll be sure to pop 'em on a flash drive to work on tomorrow.
it'll be worth it though. the hype to work on these sketches is only building more, and they're gonna come out great as a result.
of course i just realize this now when i sit down to work on actual work and not trades or future YCH things. SO when bae picks me up tomorrow to decorate the tree back at home for a few hours, i'll be sure to pop 'em on a flash drive to work on tomorrow.
it'll be worth it though. the hype to work on these sketches is only building more, and they're gonna come out great as a result.
Changes to schedule
Posted 10 years agoTurns out it's for the best I don't have any stream commissions for today cause I have to go out shopping today, and the Internet here is so dismal. Forgot my mouse too lmao so I can't really game. I'm housesitting here in the middle of nowhere until Sunday morning.
I'll try to get one of the gore pieces done today to make up for it!!
I'm also not gonna be able to stream this coming Sunday, I have a funeral to go to in the afternoon.
This week's just full of fun responsibilities!! I'll roll with it, move the stream days, post image notifications for it like I always do.
Thanks for understanding, guys! You all rock. ^^
I'll try to get one of the gore pieces done today to make up for it!!
I'm also not gonna be able to stream this coming Sunday, I have a funeral to go to in the afternoon.
This week's just full of fun responsibilities!! I'll roll with it, move the stream days, post image notifications for it like I always do.
Thanks for understanding, guys! You all rock. ^^
Weekly Commissions CLOSED
Posted 10 years agoHere we go, guys! start of a new week. last one went pretty great despite a couple small delays. thank you so much!
here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal so i can keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal with your refs, the day of the week you’d like, and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be, to claim a slot for the streams this week. if you’d like a Regular Commission slot this week, please send me a note~
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
DISCOUNTED STREAM PRICES:
icons: $10
Full body (no colour): $18 -- colour: $25 , additional characters +$5
busts (no colour) $15 -- colour: $20 -- with lineart:$26here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal so i can keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
comment on this journal with your refs, the day of the week you’d like, and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be, to claim a slot for the streams this week. if you’d like a Regular Commission slot this week, please send me a note~
Regular Commissions:
1.
2.
3.
Gore Challenge Week 02:
Body Mods: 
matteh
Masks: aliuscorsac
Surgery: 
agentmoose
Sunday 12/6 - 11am-3pm EST
/Catching up on work
Tuesday 12/1 - 6pm-10pm CEST (12pm-4pm EST)
- 
LAG. icon~
- leshana fullbody sketch
-
Thursday 12/3 - 11am-3pm EST
-
-
-
matteh
LAG.spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
you guys rock!!!
couple days behind
Posted 10 years agoso i'm not taking my day off tomorrow, i'm gonna use it to catch back up with the days i had to take on Wednesday and Thursday for legal stuff, errands, travel.
luckily, a lot of what i'm doing is gonna be colouring, which i'm very speedy at. so the rest of the gore YCH's will be done tomorrow and the sketches for the next three posted in the evening.
the stream sketch for strangleddragons, the character bust for felixpath and the colouring for the commission for 
dracenmarx are gonna be what i'm doing on the Sunday stream. i think this divides up the remaining work in a very doable way. i'll stream an additional day during the week to make up for not taking slots on Sunday, and i'll post a notice as to when this'll be.
but it's like, 2am here for me and if i wanna do this working day, i'm gonna have to catch some z's. so i'm gonna be responsible and go to bed now. catch ya Sunday~
luckily, a lot of what i'm doing is gonna be colouring, which i'm very speedy at. so the rest of the gore YCH's will be done tomorrow and the sketches for the next three posted in the evening.
the stream sketch for
strangleddragons, the character bust for felixpath and the colouring for the commission for 
dracenmarx are gonna be what i'm doing on the Sunday stream. i think this divides up the remaining work in a very doable way. i'll stream an additional day during the week to make up for not taking slots on Sunday, and i'll post a notice as to when this'll be.but it's like, 2am here for me and if i wanna do this working day, i'm gonna have to catch some z's. so i'm gonna be responsible and go to bed now. catch ya Sunday~
Update about the stream tomorrow:
Posted 10 years agojust got some news from my Aunt K, i'm meeting with her and this local Pastor tomorrow around noonish to discuss some stuff about a memorial service for my father, who was the vice president of the local food pantry; basically turned that rundown old place into a well-oiled clock. kind of a big deal for a backwoods town like Brownfield, so the community wants some sort of service to remember him.
i could still stream tomorrow, but i don't know exactly when i'm gonna be back from this meeting. it'll probably be closer to 2-3pm EST. i'll play it by ear, post an image notification when i'm ready to start streaming, but not take any more sketch commissions unless they're in the stream itself, don't want to count my eggs before they hatch sorta deal.
thanks so much guys! i'll hopefully see you (sometime) tomorrow in stream~
i could still stream tomorrow, but i don't know exactly when i'm gonna be back from this meeting. it'll probably be closer to 2-3pm EST. i'll play it by ear, post an image notification when i'm ready to start streaming, but not take any more sketch commissions unless they're in the stream itself, don't want to count my eggs before they hatch sorta deal.
thanks so much guys! i'll hopefully see you (sometime) tomorrow in stream~
Weekly Commissions OPEN
Posted 10 years agohi, everyone! i’m super excited to get this new work schedule underway. i get to post the first of the Gore YCH’s and get stuff ready for regular streams! links to my Work Schedule and Commission Queue spreadsheet will be in the header/footer of every journal.
here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal so i can keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
i’ve only got three slots for each stream because this is my first time doing in-stream commissions and i don’t wanna get crazy overwhelmed.
i’m going out on the town today, but i’ll be back in the evening to update this journal and my queue~
so yeah! comment on this journal with your refs, the day of the week you’d like, and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be, to claim a slot for the streams this week. if you’d like a Regular Commission slot this week, please send me a note~
spread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
thanks so much~!!
DISCOUNTED STREAM PRICES:
icons: $10
Full body (no colour): $18 -- colour: $25 , additional characters +$5
busts (no colour) $15 -- colour: $20 -- with lineart:$26here’s a couple guidelines:
- i’ll stream other art during lulls, but stream slots are for coloured/noncoloured sketches and lineart busts only.
- please send payment to my paypal before i begin streaming your commission.
- please put your username in the comments on Paypal so i can keep track of who’s who~
- you don’t have to attend the stream for me to work on your stream commission, but please feel free. there’s always cool tunes and nice conversation.
i’ve only got three slots for each stream because this is my first time doing in-stream commissions and i don’t wanna get crazy overwhelmed.
i’m going out on the town today, but i’ll be back in the evening to update this journal and my queue~
so yeah! comment on this journal with your refs, the day of the week you’d like, and a one-sentence description of what you want the image to be, to claim a slot for the streams this week. if you’d like a Regular Commission slot this week, please send me a note~
Regular Commissions:
1. dracenmarx - two character, flat coloured bust
2. felixpath - flat coloured bust
3.
Gore Challenge Week 01:
Amputation: 
brutis02
Decapitation: 
cpt-night
Cannibalism: 
wolf_119
Sunday 11/28 - 11am-3pm EST
- matteh - coloured sketch
- 
necrocheetah - coloured sketch
- aliuscorsac - coloured sketch
Tuesday 12/1 - 6pm-10pm CEST (12pm-4pm EST)
- strangleddragons - coloured sketch
- 
milligram_smile - coloured sketch
- aliuscorsac - two character, coloured sketch
Thursday 12/3 - 11am-3pm EST
-
-
-
brutis02
cpt-night
wolf_119
necrocheetah
milligram_smilespread this around, if you want! considering this is my actual job now, i’d really appreciate it.
thanks so much~!!
harem YCH with me?
Posted 10 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/18338435/ by datemate has slots in the greyscale with me, or a full coloured piece too!
i'm tossing my well-dressed fox, Gilbert Gray, into the harem master's slot on the greyscale. he's mostly grey anyway is what i figured. so yeah, check the link if you'd like to end up a couple of his slaves~
datemate has slots in the greyscale with me, or a full coloured piece too!i'm tossing my well-dressed fox, Gilbert Gray, into the harem master's slot on the greyscale. he's mostly grey anyway is what i figured. so yeah, check the link if you'd like to end up a couple of his slaves~
New Work Schedule and some Important News!
Posted 10 years agogood day, everyone! hope that everything is well, that your holidays are going according to plan, and you've already started your baking! (i start mine tomorrow)
i've got some pretty exciting news RE: my commission status. now that i'm working on art as my actual job on the year i'm taking off school, i'm going to be able to work on art all the time.
i've made myself a nifty calendar schedule for streaming and working. it's gonna change a little bit due to some holiday travel closer to Christmas, but this is the idea anyway.
in terms of projects, i'm going to be doing something very exciting. i'm going to be doing the 33-day Gore Challenge. really, i'm doing it more as a 33-theme challenge. i've switched out some stuff i didn't want to draw or that i thought would work better or be more fun for me. you can see my list here. they're going to be YCH sketches. what i'm going to do for those is post them in groups of three for flat sale, and work on them during the week on my off-stream days.
around those, i'm going to be taking three regular commissions a week, which is up to be anything on my Commission Info Tab unless stated otherwise.
getting into the streaming stuff, if you look at my calendar, the days i'm gonna be available to stream are Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. i'll have 3-5 slots available for in-stream sketches that will be completed in that session. Sunday+Thursday are gonna be 11-3 EST and Tuesday is gonna be earlier than that to fit whatever seems best in EU time. so i just need one question answered:
- i noticed that a good portion of my international watchers are from Central European Time. so i'd like to hear from you guys: what time(s) during the day would work best for you to tune in, so i can update my calendar?
what i'm going to do to organize stuff for the week is post a journal on Friday night for people to comment on to claim the slots for the upcoming week.
saturday morning will be when i post the next sketches of the Gore Challenge for purchase.
all this will get underway after this Thanksgiving week. get hype!!!
i'm gonna put links to my Commission Info, TOS, Calendar, and Progress Spreadsheet in the footer of every journal i make, also.
i've got some pretty exciting news RE: my commission status. now that i'm working on art as my actual job on the year i'm taking off school, i'm going to be able to work on art all the time.
i've made myself a nifty calendar schedule for streaming and working. it's gonna change a little bit due to some holiday travel closer to Christmas, but this is the idea anyway.
in terms of projects, i'm going to be doing something very exciting. i'm going to be doing the 33-day Gore Challenge. really, i'm doing it more as a 33-theme challenge. i've switched out some stuff i didn't want to draw or that i thought would work better or be more fun for me. you can see my list here. they're going to be YCH sketches. what i'm going to do for those is post them in groups of three for flat sale, and work on them during the week on my off-stream days.
around those, i'm going to be taking three regular commissions a week, which is up to be anything on my Commission Info Tab unless stated otherwise.
getting into the streaming stuff, if you look at my calendar, the days i'm gonna be available to stream are Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. i'll have 3-5 slots available for in-stream sketches that will be completed in that session. Sunday+Thursday are gonna be 11-3 EST and Tuesday is gonna be earlier than that to fit whatever seems best in EU time. so i just need one question answered:
- i noticed that a good portion of my international watchers are from Central European Time. so i'd like to hear from you guys: what time(s) during the day would work best for you to tune in, so i can update my calendar?
what i'm going to do to organize stuff for the week is post a journal on Friday night for people to comment on to claim the slots for the upcoming week.
saturday morning will be when i post the next sketches of the Gore Challenge for purchase.
all this will get underway after this Thanksgiving week. get hype!!!
i'm gonna put links to my Commission Info, TOS, Calendar, and Progress Spreadsheet in the footer of every journal i make, also.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FALLOUT 4 CHARACTER
Posted 10 years agoor character(s) if you're already doing multiple playthroughs. this game came out at the perfect time, and rescued me from a lot of shitty thoughts. it's been really fun going into the wasteland.
my character's name is Clay Norrel, basically took a character i roleplay (roleplay is for Halo ODST) with bae and plopped him into the Commonwealth. he's a melee/sniping run. hates power armour, so you can imagine how difficult that's made fighting any deathclaws he comes across. he has two fully upgraded sniper rifles in .308 and .50; a chinese officer's sword, and a super sledgehammer (which is like a sledgehammer with a fucking ROCKET BOOSTER ON IT) named Foehammer.
if you guys want me to doodle somethin up of him and post it, i can! it'll probably happen anyway who am i kidding.
but yeah tell me about YOUR characters and playthroughs. no plot spoilers, if you please. i don't wanna spoil anything for people, since i'm in act three of the main plot i think? and to the max positive relationship with one of my companions already.
my character's name is Clay Norrel, basically took a character i roleplay (roleplay is for Halo ODST) with bae and plopped him into the Commonwealth. he's a melee/sniping run. hates power armour, so you can imagine how difficult that's made fighting any deathclaws he comes across. he has two fully upgraded sniper rifles in .308 and .50; a chinese officer's sword, and a super sledgehammer (which is like a sledgehammer with a fucking ROCKET BOOSTER ON IT) named Foehammer.
if you guys want me to doodle somethin up of him and post it, i can! it'll probably happen anyway who am i kidding.
but yeah tell me about YOUR characters and playthroughs. no plot spoilers, if you please. i don't wanna spoil anything for people, since i'm in act three of the main plot i think? and to the max positive relationship with one of my companions already.
Commission Price Update--and be in a YCH with me!
Posted 10 years agoi've changed a bit about my commission prices in anticipation of opening proper slots after my move; i made them simpler, factored in-stream discounts and added custom designs as their own thing now! that section of them that i did were so fun to do, i'd love a chance to do more.
some of the preview images are gonna change to reflect some of my newer work; especially the Character Turnaround sheet, once i finish my updated reference for Maxwell. just refresh over the next couple days.
you can review the changes here~
in other news:
i've tossed my boy Zhenya in this rad YCH by ringingbell
there's still one slot left for super cheap! join him in giving this middle character the D?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
some of the preview images are gonna change to reflect some of my newer work; especially the Character Turnaround sheet, once i finish my updated reference for Maxwell. just refresh over the next couple days.
you can review the changes here~
in other news:
i've tossed my boy Zhenya in this rad YCH by
ringingbellthere's still one slot left for super cheap! join him in giving this middle character the D?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18257396/
Life Update
Posted 10 years agoMax here. my father lost his battle with an extremely aggressive strain of lung cancer. it happened really quick, and as quiet and peaceful as medically possible. there was literally nothing more anyone on the planet of earth could do.
i'm okay, i really am. i've got bae here with me, and i've been getting plenty of rest and helping out my relatives who are taking it less-well than i am.
funeral's tomorrow, which is going to be long and exhausting and a little hectic. immediately after that, an hourlong drive with my cousin to the airport in NJ, then i'm on a flight back to campus in Rochester, where i'll be packing and chilling out until the 23rd.
then i'm leaving NY and going back to ME to move in with bae. i've got a thousand pressures and uncomfortable affairs i have to take care of, but i'm taking it all a step at a time. one day at a time.
to the winners of my YCH and people currently in my queue: i'll get to you when i get back in to Rochester! i'll arrange everything and get to work. believe me, it'll be nice to sit down and draw some stuff after the week i've had. i could use the distraction.
love you all <3
i'm okay, i really am. i've got bae here with me, and i've been getting plenty of rest and helping out my relatives who are taking it less-well than i am.
funeral's tomorrow, which is going to be long and exhausting and a little hectic. immediately after that, an hourlong drive with my cousin to the airport in NJ, then i'm on a flight back to campus in Rochester, where i'll be packing and chilling out until the 23rd.
then i'm leaving NY and going back to ME to move in with bae. i've got a thousand pressures and uncomfortable affairs i have to take care of, but i'm taking it all a step at a time. one day at a time.
to the winners of my YCH and people currently in my queue: i'll get to you when i get back in to Rochester! i'll arrange everything and get to work. believe me, it'll be nice to sit down and draw some stuff after the week i've had. i could use the distraction.
love you all <3
Life Update
Posted 10 years agoHey guys,
I'm writing on behalf of Max to let you guys know that he's currently in Connecticut for personal reasons and without WiFi for a while. Hopefully he'll be back soon! For those of you who entered in the character raffle, he will be checking time-stamps to make sure that everything is fair. He hasn't forgotten about you guys, and he'll be back as soon as possible with some awesome new content!
-Friend of Max
I'm writing on behalf of Max to let you guys know that he's currently in Connecticut for personal reasons and without WiFi for a while. Hopefully he'll be back soon! For those of you who entered in the character raffle, he will be checking time-stamps to make sure that everything is fair. He hasn't forgotten about you guys, and he'll be back as soon as possible with some awesome new content!
-Friend of Max
stream OFFLINE
Posted 10 years agoEDIT: Picarto is awesome, i'm keeping all my streams there from now on.
trying out Picarto! https://picarto.tv/AnapneaLtd
XSplit is soooo much better than livestream procaster. you'll be able to see my chat feed, my SAI window, and my music player!
i'm gonna be working on character design stuff: a reference sheet for agentmoose and the colouring for the bird palette design for 
purrhaps
afterwards, i'll probably do a pinup of one of my guys.
trying out Picarto! https://picarto.tv/AnapneaLtd
XSplit is soooo much better than livestream procaster. you'll be able to see my chat feed, my SAI window, and my music player!
i'm gonna be working on character design stuff: a reference sheet for
agentmoose and the colouring for the bird palette design for 
purrhapsafterwards, i'll probably do a pinup of one of my guys.
-yawwwwwwwwwns-
Posted 10 years agosome people have a ton of pillows on their bed, i have a ton of blankets. i love blankets. throws, duvets, afghans. i have accepted the fact i am never gonna be able to buy the perfect afghan that i am looking for. so screw it. i'm gonna have to learn to crochet.
PIDGE MY CRAFTING QUEEN LEND ME YOUR POWERS SO I MAY LEARN A NEW CRAFT SKILL.
i'm going to bed now
PIDGE MY CRAFTING QUEEN LEND ME YOUR POWERS SO I MAY LEARN A NEW CRAFT SKILL.
i'm going to bed now
Music Meme~
Posted 10 years agodoin this mostly to cover up the Heavy Life Update, which you can go into my journals tab and read if you want, but i'd rather not have it sitting out on my front page forever. and you guys can see a bit about my taste in music!
MUSIC ASKS
1: A song you like with a color in the title: Black Belt by John Grant
2: A song you like with a number in the title: Two Weeks by All That Remains
3: A song that reminds you of summertime: Elephant by Tame Impala or Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters
4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: The Lion's Roar by First Aid Kit
5: A song that needs to be played LOUD: Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin
6: A song that makes you want to dance: Uma Thurman by Fallout Boy
7: A song to drive to: Starships by Nicki Minaj
8: A song about drugs or alcohol: Overdose by Hurt
9: A song that makes you happy: Love the Way You Move by Slightly Left of Centre
10: A song that makes you sad: Kettering by The Antlers
11: A song that you never get tired of: Death by Robot by Feed Me
12: A song from your preteen years: Leader of Men by Nickelback
13: One of your favorite 80’s songs: Push it to the Limit from Scarface
14: A song that you would love played at your wedding: I Say a Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin
15: A song that is a cover by another artist: White Rabbit by Mayssa Karaa
16: One of your favorite classical songs: O Magnum Mysterium
17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran
18: A song from the year that you were born: Prayer for the Dying by Seal
19: A song that makes you think about life: Thin Air by Anathema
20: A song that has many meanings to you: Radio Protector by 65daysofstatic
21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Wings for Marie by Tool
22: A song that moves you forward: Lionhearted by Porter Robinson
23: A song that you think everybody should listen to: Renaissance by San Fermin
24: A song by a band you wish were still together: The Noose by A Perfect Circle
25: A song by an artist no longer living: La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf
26: A song that makes you want to fall in love: Pants by Lemuria
27: A song that breaks your heart: Heron Blue by Sun Kil Moon
28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love: In My Bed by The Mariner's Children
29: A song that you remember from your childhood: I Got a Name by Jim Croce
30: A song that reminds you of yourself: Alone with the Sea by Hurt
MUSIC ASKS
1: A song you like with a color in the title: Black Belt by John Grant
2: A song you like with a number in the title: Two Weeks by All That Remains
3: A song that reminds you of summertime: Elephant by Tame Impala or Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters
4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: The Lion's Roar by First Aid Kit
5: A song that needs to be played LOUD: Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin
6: A song that makes you want to dance: Uma Thurman by Fallout Boy
7: A song to drive to: Starships by Nicki Minaj
8: A song about drugs or alcohol: Overdose by Hurt
9: A song that makes you happy: Love the Way You Move by Slightly Left of Centre
10: A song that makes you sad: Kettering by The Antlers
11: A song that you never get tired of: Death by Robot by Feed Me
12: A song from your preteen years: Leader of Men by Nickelback
13: One of your favorite 80’s songs: Push it to the Limit from Scarface
14: A song that you would love played at your wedding: I Say a Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin
15: A song that is a cover by another artist: White Rabbit by Mayssa Karaa
16: One of your favorite classical songs: O Magnum Mysterium
17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran
18: A song from the year that you were born: Prayer for the Dying by Seal
19: A song that makes you think about life: Thin Air by Anathema
20: A song that has many meanings to you: Radio Protector by 65daysofstatic
21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Wings for Marie by Tool
22: A song that moves you forward: Lionhearted by Porter Robinson
23: A song that you think everybody should listen to: Renaissance by San Fermin
24: A song by a band you wish were still together: The Noose by A Perfect Circle
25: A song by an artist no longer living: La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf
26: A song that makes you want to fall in love: Pants by Lemuria
27: A song that breaks your heart: Heron Blue by Sun Kil Moon
28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love: In My Bed by The Mariner's Children
29: A song that you remember from your childhood: I Got a Name by Jim Croce
30: A song that reminds you of yourself: Alone with the Sea by Hurt
Heavy Life Update
Posted 10 years agookay so i'm just writing this all out so you guys know why i'm still not posting so regularly, and what's been going on in my life/what's been weighing on my mind.
two aunts are part of this story; doesn't help their names both start with K and their husbands have the same name. we shall call them Aunt K and CT Aunt to distinguish.
i found out in September that my father was diagnosed with stage four cancer, which has (as of two days ago) been traced to starting in his lungs. it's now in a few bones and his brain as well. so it's metastasized and very bad. inoperable. it got very much worse after he underwent 10 radiation treatments in a row. legs swelled up, lots of pain, as well as symptoms of dementia. had to have nurses as well as Aunt K come to the house every day to help with pain med doses and cooking and all that.
he didn't plan on telling me until i came home for christmas. seeing how quickly this illness has progressed has made me even more angry remembering he told me that. he also planned on giving all my pets away to the local shelter. without consulting me. just "oh hi Kap welcome home, did you have a nice flight? good cause your dogs are gone forever surprise now spend a weekend with me."
that's where i was last weekend, back in Maine visiting this....situation. people insisted on leaving all the responsibilities to me because "oh you need to spend time with your father and catch up." bitch, he's on oxycontin and oxycodone and medicinal pot, he's on another planet!! and i had to manage all that and his meals and the wound care nurses, and finding homes for all my pets on top of honest to god eight hours of sleep in four days! god fucking bless Aunt K and Pidge and my family friends for ensuring that none of my animals had to be put in the shelters. but i had like 24 hours to figure all of that out and it was so incredibly stressful.
CT Aunt is my dad's sister, but lives in Connecticut so hasn't seen how this is progressing. she's moved my father down to her house with her, where he's now in the hospital and starting chemo. seems to be responding well so far, but really it's just prolonging the inevitable. i've come to terms with that. feels fucking callous to say, but as you might have surmised from some of my other journals, my relationship with my father is very strained.
strained here having the meaning of he emotionally abused and manipulated me for six years and i was completely alone because none of my family would believe it was happening, at least not to the degree that i said.
so it's like...it's my dad dying but it's also my abuser dying. lots of mental conflict. that's hard to explain.
there's also the issue that he doesn't have a will, so there's a lot of heavy decision making riding on my shoulders right now.
on top of me not knowing where i'm gonna end up living after i leave campus. i've officially withdrawn from all my classes. i'm leaving the semester early, i can't bring myself to finish it with all this stress. i'm gonna redo my senior year in the fall. maybe. i mean, i'm kinda up in the air about it right now. i don't have a driver's license or a car here, so one of my cousins is gonna pick me and my stuff up on the 23rd and take me to CT Aunt's house.
i'm scared. CT Aunt has a big propterty: a main house and a guest cottage. my dad was put up in the guest cottage, i thought i was gonna be in the second floor of the main house, but no, i'm being put in the second floor of the cottage. i'm scared that CT Aunt wants for me to be like, a 24 hour care nurse basically. i can't do that. i'm not qualified and the responsibility will fuck me up beyond measure.
i wanted to DIE after three days doing that the weekend i went up. i can't imagine doing it indefinitely. i already have to talk to my doctor about adjusting the dose of my depression meds. but i don't know if i should do that now or like, when i'm in CT and have a pharmacy there.
the other option if CT gets too fucked up, i can go back to maine to live with Aunt K and/or my girlfriend. it's nice having that as a backup, but i don't relish the guilt trip that's gonna come if i 'leave my father alone to die.'
so yeah i have no classes and i get to hang out with friends until i get picked up and taken away for who knows how long; but i'm on call all the time from pretty much every relative and if i think too hard about stuff, everything sucks. but i'm trying i guess? i dunno. it's late night.
point is, don't worry about me, guys. i've got an awesome support system (a very good number of you guys included, thank you so much), and i do know how to handle myself in these situations, i've done it before. it felt good to type it up and get it all out there. just so like, if i mysteriously disappear, you don't think i'm skipping town or something. i'm just taking care of/dealing with some heavy shit. i just can't seem to catch a break in terms of family bullshit lmao
art's like, one of a few things that really genuinely helps.
gonna go grab some z's; i've got some good art to work on tomorrow!
two aunts are part of this story; doesn't help their names both start with K and their husbands have the same name. we shall call them Aunt K and CT Aunt to distinguish.
i found out in September that my father was diagnosed with stage four cancer, which has (as of two days ago) been traced to starting in his lungs. it's now in a few bones and his brain as well. so it's metastasized and very bad. inoperable. it got very much worse after he underwent 10 radiation treatments in a row. legs swelled up, lots of pain, as well as symptoms of dementia. had to have nurses as well as Aunt K come to the house every day to help with pain med doses and cooking and all that.
he didn't plan on telling me until i came home for christmas. seeing how quickly this illness has progressed has made me even more angry remembering he told me that. he also planned on giving all my pets away to the local shelter. without consulting me. just "oh hi Kap welcome home, did you have a nice flight? good cause your dogs are gone forever surprise now spend a weekend with me."
that's where i was last weekend, back in Maine visiting this....situation. people insisted on leaving all the responsibilities to me because "oh you need to spend time with your father and catch up." bitch, he's on oxycontin and oxycodone and medicinal pot, he's on another planet!! and i had to manage all that and his meals and the wound care nurses, and finding homes for all my pets on top of honest to god eight hours of sleep in four days! god fucking bless Aunt K and Pidge and my family friends for ensuring that none of my animals had to be put in the shelters. but i had like 24 hours to figure all of that out and it was so incredibly stressful.
CT Aunt is my dad's sister, but lives in Connecticut so hasn't seen how this is progressing. she's moved my father down to her house with her, where he's now in the hospital and starting chemo. seems to be responding well so far, but really it's just prolonging the inevitable. i've come to terms with that. feels fucking callous to say, but as you might have surmised from some of my other journals, my relationship with my father is very strained.
strained here having the meaning of he emotionally abused and manipulated me for six years and i was completely alone because none of my family would believe it was happening, at least not to the degree that i said.
so it's like...it's my dad dying but it's also my abuser dying. lots of mental conflict. that's hard to explain.
there's also the issue that he doesn't have a will, so there's a lot of heavy decision making riding on my shoulders right now.
on top of me not knowing where i'm gonna end up living after i leave campus. i've officially withdrawn from all my classes. i'm leaving the semester early, i can't bring myself to finish it with all this stress. i'm gonna redo my senior year in the fall. maybe. i mean, i'm kinda up in the air about it right now. i don't have a driver's license or a car here, so one of my cousins is gonna pick me and my stuff up on the 23rd and take me to CT Aunt's house.
i'm scared. CT Aunt has a big propterty: a main house and a guest cottage. my dad was put up in the guest cottage, i thought i was gonna be in the second floor of the main house, but no, i'm being put in the second floor of the cottage. i'm scared that CT Aunt wants for me to be like, a 24 hour care nurse basically. i can't do that. i'm not qualified and the responsibility will fuck me up beyond measure.
i wanted to DIE after three days doing that the weekend i went up. i can't imagine doing it indefinitely. i already have to talk to my doctor about adjusting the dose of my depression meds. but i don't know if i should do that now or like, when i'm in CT and have a pharmacy there.
the other option if CT gets too fucked up, i can go back to maine to live with Aunt K and/or my girlfriend. it's nice having that as a backup, but i don't relish the guilt trip that's gonna come if i 'leave my father alone to die.'
so yeah i have no classes and i get to hang out with friends until i get picked up and taken away for who knows how long; but i'm on call all the time from pretty much every relative and if i think too hard about stuff, everything sucks. but i'm trying i guess? i dunno. it's late night.
point is, don't worry about me, guys. i've got an awesome support system (a very good number of you guys included, thank you so much), and i do know how to handle myself in these situations, i've done it before. it felt good to type it up and get it all out there. just so like, if i mysteriously disappear, you don't think i'm skipping town or something. i'm just taking care of/dealing with some heavy shit. i just can't seem to catch a break in terms of family bullshit lmao
art's like, one of a few things that really genuinely helps.
gonna go grab some z's; i've got some good art to work on tomorrow!
